I'm late to the Adoption Carnival Party today, but I'm still going to play:This month's Grown in my Heart Adoption Carnival is:Carnival III: Photos of Adoption. What is your most treasured adoption photo (or two)? Block out faces if you have to, find a scanner, or simply tell us about it if you can't post it. We do understand that. For me, my most tresured Adoption Photos is a no brainer:See,
Adoption
-
Musings of the Lame
-
My Most Treasured Photo of Adoption
29 Oct 2009 | 5:04 pm -
Honoring the Loss of My Friend, Moises
16 Oct 2009 | 8:00 pmThere are times when it seems that all things in the universe come together in the most magical ways. I can count those moments like that that I have had the joy of experiencing on my two hands; they are so fleeting and rare, yet impossible to miss.This Tuesday night, in the void of great loss and sorrow; I had the honor of taking part in one of these precious moments and I will never forget the -
Where My Wild Things Are
2 Oct 2009 | 9:31 pmI knew I would have to write about Where the Wild Things Are. How could I not? From the earliest hummings of a this Spike Jonze's Where the Wild Thing Are movie coming to fruition, every ounce of my soul has rejected the reality that I now face.I haven't wanted to hear about this movie. I haven't wanted to think about it. I haven't wanted to face it. I don't want it to exist. I don't care that it -
A Best Buy Customer Service Story
30 Sep 2009 | 10:28 amTweeting and Freaking Out about Best Buy After almost 6 years of hard work, my HP laptop was old, outdated and becoming increasingly more useless, so after the holidays, with my husband’s prodding, we bit the bullet and took advantage of the post holiday sales and purchased a new CPU for myself. We stayed with HP as they have been “our brand” for years and we have that loyalty thing going on and -
Hair Flashback or Never Safe from Adoption
21 Sep 2009 | 7:25 pmRecently, I added some Really Bright Red Highlights to my HairNow if you have ever been a phony red head like me, then you might be able to relate to what I am about to say, if not, then you'll have to take my word on it:Being a Red Head is like having Anorexia of the Hair.Now, I don't mean that in a way to mock people who really suffer from such an issue, but I have found that I have a similar
-
Anti-Adoption
-
Bethany Christian services recieves the 2009 Demons in Adoption Award
2 Nov 2009 | 8:08 pmOh yeah, brings a smile to my face … read all about it here: http://poundpuplegacy.org/node/40708?destination=node%2F40708 Tagged: adoptee, adoptee rights, adoption, Adoption Education, adoption SUCKS, adoptive parents, bethany christian services, demons in adoption award, paybacks a bitch, truth in adoption -
They Dance Alone ( The Abuelas de Plaza de Mayo )
26 Oct 2009 | 11:59 amThey Dance Alone Lyrics here Read about the abuelas from their home page http://www.abuelas.org.ar/ There is a translator on the top right corner for it to be in english or italian Its powerful, moving and an incredible representation of the dedication some families will have and go through in order to keep their families intact. [...] -
Summer is coming to an end….
11 Oct 2009 | 11:29 amAnd my blog calls me again…. as the mornings are cooler, my children are in school, the evenings get dark sooner…. I am finding myself more eager to return to this… that an the 20 comments that were on hold for the last month lmfao. I miss you guys and hope summer has treated [...] -
Separation and abandonment is a bitch
7 Aug 2009 | 9:37 pmI watched a video today of this girl in China who believed her new adoptive parents were coming to take her home. She had TB and it ends up that she can’t go home with them. The video is the future adoptive mother taping the goodbye. All screams of “put the camera down” aside… I [...] -
New blog! Madame Compassionateless ! Love it!
1 Aug 2009 | 3:38 pmMadame Compassionateless Read it, Link it, love it Tagged: adoptee, adoptee rights, adoption, blog
-
Ethnically Incorrect Daughter
-
Momma
5 Nov 2009 | 10:56 ampic by sume Stepmother, who I was closest to of all my mothers, had prepared everything to the best of her ability. Rooms were ready to be re-arranged to allow us to squeeze between the empty spaces she’d made for us. I’d forgotten how much I’d missed her when I’d left. She’d been my best friend [...] -
Cycles
10 Oct 2009 | 3:03 pmAs I walked to the end of the driveway, the loud crunch of the rocks reminded me of too many restless nights of wandering, always wondering. Though this was a different driveway, the atmosphere was similar enough. This one was shorter and led to a rock road rather than a highway, but the loud, [...] -
Stranger in the familiar
23 Sep 2009 | 7:26 amDad’s first words to me were, “It’s been too long,” as he hugged me close. The first thing I noticed was his cologne. It was the same smell I remembered from my childhood. Looking up at him, my eyes widened at how much about the rest of him had changed. His gray, closely cropped hair [...] -
Selective Purging…Not
8 Sep 2009 | 11:01 amIf only I could somehow purge my life of all the things I didn’t want to remember, they would go away. Part of me said the life before was over. Why not let it go? I’d seen others do it a thousand times over, and it wasn’t as if I hadn’t done it before however [...] -
The Noisy Road Home
30 Jun 2009 | 3:11 ampic by sume The road to the house was long, dark and noisy. Very little was visible except for the dusty tunnel of illumination created by the headlights. I could see the scattered lights of nearby houses but they seemed dim and insignificant. What stood out to me most was the noise. Even at thirty miles [...]
-
Ungrateful Little Bastard
-
Do you think they're making a new feature cartoon?
25 Oct 2009 | 2:35 pmVISITOR ANALYSISReferring Linkhttp://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=ungrateful little bastard&aq=0&oq=ungrateful l&aqi=g3g-m2Host Nameproxy-ce4.disney.comCountryUnited StatesRegionCaliforniaCityBurbankISPDisney Worldwide Services IncIf so, I demand Fran Drescher do my voice. -
Adoptees with need for medical history
23 Oct 2009 | 6:24 amReposting via Ann Wilmer, please share and repostA reporter for a national publication is interested in writing a story about the problems adoptees encounter when they have a medical need to know. If you have personal experience of this situation, contact me, please.Ann can be contacted at wilmer@dmv.com -
Nurse your hangover with OBCforME
22 Oct 2009 | 6:46 amWhy yes, my hangover does last 2 days, thank you very much. I have absolutely no alcohol tolerance. Anyway...Mark your calendars!Maine Celebrates One Year of Original Birth Certificates!Come to Maine, celebrate with us! We have reached a milestone, our one year mark since original birth certificates were made available to adult adoptees here in Maine.We will have lots of activities planned for this day - updates on the schedule of events will be posted soon! Date: Saturday, January 2, 2010Time: 9:00am - 9:00pmLocation: The Maine Film StudiosStreet: 235 Presumpscot StreetCity/Town:… -
Wow
17 Oct 2009 | 7:26 pmVia AdultAdopteesCheck this outThe right to obtain a copy of one’s own birth certificate is routinely exercised by all citizens, unless you were adopted. Although parent-child relationships are supposed to be fundamental and constitutionally protected, children’s relationships with their parents, grandparents, siblings and other family members are routinely and permanently severed, first, by the inadvertent effect of the unrepresented birthparent(s)’ signature on surrender documents and, second, by a court’s judgment of adoption. The child has no guardian ad litem, attorney or other… -
The 15th Annual RegDay is November 14, 2009
7 Oct 2009 | 7:21 amPlease repost freely==============================================The 15th Annual RegDay is November 14, 2009What is RegDay?Adoption Registration Day (RegDay) is an annual one day event to increase public awareness of the International Soundex Reunion Registry; a free humanitarian service better known as ISRR. ISRR is a non-profit mutual consent registry established in 1975 dedicated to reuniting adult family members separated by adoption, divorce, foster care, or other dislocation.But RegDay is so much more than that. RegDay is a day where members of the adoption triad (adoptees, adoptive…
-
ReadingWritingLiving
-
Ten Awesome Things About Having A Housemate
21 Oct 2009 | 8:23 pmShe makes homemade gyoza! She is a great writer. She is a phenomenal artist and has designed the cover art for my chapbook(s). See below. Isn’t that enough to make you swoon? Do you not want to immediately buy 10 copies?? She promises to kick my butt until said chapbooks are DONE. She thinks my mom is a hoot. My mom likes her back. She’s Japanese-American. Nuff said. She has a snake (which has not yet arrived) which has younger daughter extremely excited. She is a historian, which makes my history-buff husband very happy. She is an INCREDIBLE cook and in the short time she has… -
Mad Men: A Window into my own Past
29 Sep 2009 | 9:18 amIt took me a while to catch on to the Mad Men bandwagon, but now I’m ravenously gobbling up episodes of Seasons 1 and 2. It’s sooooo good. And incredibly illuminating. I’m fascinated, because the show takes place in 1960, and I was born in 1959, so it’s like this amazing window into the history of the time where I came from. Even more fascinating is that there are multiple adoption-esque story lines. I want to discuss them all, but there will be major spoilers if you haven’t seen the show, so I’m going to continue after the break. Proceed at your own… -
Calling all Adopted & Fostered Adults of the African Diaspora!
2 Sep 2009 | 8:28 pmHey hey! It’s almost time for the SECOND (wow how time flies) AFAAD Gathering! The first one, held last November was a truly historical and moving event and I was lucky enough to participate in a joint session with Asian adoptees. AFAAD rocks. If you know anybody who falls into the African American adopted-or-fostered group, pleeeeeeeease spread the word, far and wide. It’s gonna be another amazing event. ————– When: Friday through Sunday, November 6-8, 2009 8am-5pm, with some evening activities – Oakland, CA What: 2nd Annual Gathering for… -
Obituary
31 Aug 2009 | 1:00 pmI don’t write poetry very often, but sometimes I am just gripped by the need. I felt that way this weekend, when I got a call from an adoptee friend of mine. Her birthmother’s mother, with whom she had had quite a significant relationship, had just passed away. She scrambled to get across the country to the funeral. And discovered that she had not been mentioned in the obituary (written, I guess, by her birthmother). This brought up a storm of feeling in me. And this poem came out. Obituary When one of them dies We scour the obituary for any mention Of our existence But really,… -
Doctor, My Eyes
30 Aug 2009 | 7:59 pmI started wearing glasses when I was seven years old (yes, this photo is ME – on stage for our production of “Up With People” – I was “Miss Brazil”). My eyesight is really, really, really bad. When I started junior high, I got my first pair of contacts. They were hard contacts, and they always irritated my eyes. I went to an opthomologist who practiced this method of vision correction which involved wearing lenses that were just slightly out of fit. By the time my eyes molded to fit them, it meant it was time to graduate to a new pair of unfitting lenses.
-
Rights of Adoptees
-
NATIONAL ADOPTION AWARENESS MONTH
6 Nov 2009 | 6:20 amThere is frequent mention over the Internet these days about placing children in adoptive homes.Dave Thomas, the founder of Wendy's was always saying, "all children deserve a loving, permanent home". I do agree but it always seemed to me that Dave did not care about the children beyond that. It is like he never gave thought to the children becoming adults and being curious about their origins or possibly needing to know birth family medical history. Now that Dave is deceased his Foundation seems to be continuing on just as he. I found Dave to be pathetic and the same goes for his Foundation. -
IN MEMORY OF MY BIRTH MOTHER
27 Oct 2009 | 6:14 amThe search for my birth family took over 20 years and it was unfortunate that my birth mother died from breast cancer during that time. I would have loved to have gotten to know her. I do cherish hearing memories shared by my siblings and other family members.So far I've been fortunate but a benign lumpectomy was quite scary and that was even before I knew my birth mother was deceased. I can't help but feel that taking Raloxifine for five years has been beneficial. I can not stress enough the importance of mammograms. Women at high risk should talk to their physician about prevention.Susan G. -
A 69 YEAR OLD NEEDS DADDY'S PERMISSION
21 Oct 2009 | 2:32 pmThere have to be alot of emotions to deal with when at the age of 68 you learn that you were adopted as an infant. Did Rick's father "spill the beans" so that he might have closure from the long kept secret or did he forget that Rick did not know? It is hard to say when you consider his father is 100 years old. Last January when Rick called me, I became determined to help him. He was not only a Chicago adoptee like myself but my heart went out to him to learn of his adoption at a late stage in his life. Anita Field and I are the co-founders of IL Open plus we are good friends. So we have been… -
EVERYONE IS NEEDED!
4 Sep 2009 | 6:33 pmI've been around the Internet adoption community for years. I've always found it unfortunate that many who have been reunited will never be heard from again. Perhaps some think there is no need to stick around. But there is because the adoption reform movement could be a long ways from being completed. Some do very little searching themselves and I find that unfortunate since it can help prepare for the reunion. Perhaps this group feel that they can not be of help to others searching. Perhaps they are not interested in if anyone else finds birth family. I've known adoptees who get what they… -
PRIOR TO THE ILLINOIS CONFIDENTIAL INTERMEDIARY SERVICE
14 Aug 2009 | 6:42 pmIt was 1976 when I started my own search for birth family. Searches were not as popular then as today. A petition asking a judge to open my records was not time consuming. I received a reply within a short time stating to make an appointment to resolve the matter in the judge's chambers. I was to bring along a photo ID plus a statement from my physician that there was a medical need. My adoptive mother accompanied me to the appointment. There was no more information in my file than I already knew. However there was a name jotted down on the outside of the file. To this day I don't know if…
-
Motherhood Deleted
-
Motherhood Deleted: Time to Honor and Remember
1 Nov 2009 | 2:54 amMotherhood Deleted: Time to Honor and Remember -
Time to Honor and Remember
1 Nov 2009 | 2:50 amToday is National Strange and Mournful Day, an observance that began in response to the designation of November as National Adoption Awareness Month. We mothers wear our ribbons all month and tell anyone who asks what they mean.I came up with the name because certain lyrics from Paul Simon's "Mother and Child Reunion" resonated, so deeply, with me. Today and all through the coming month, Mothers of adoption loss will be wearing our ribbon badges of black for mourning, red for anger and passion for our cause and white for hope and healing. Some of us will adorn our ribbons with the… -
Give 'Em The Old Razzle Dazzle
25 Oct 2009 | 10:15 amEvery time I think of the way the adoption industry has manipulated the media, society and popular thought, I am reminded of Billy Flynn, the amoral attorney from the musical "Chicago." His big number epitomizes the kind of spin-doctoring that has kept the social engineers and baby traffickers in high cotton. These are the lyrics that bring to mind how warm and feel-good this institution has been made to appear, when, underneath it all, there is arrogance and the slaughter of natural families and a failed social experiment.Give 'em the old razzle dazzleRazzle dazzle themGive 'em an act… -
What Anti-Adoption Means
10 Sep 2009 | 5:00 amYou know, it seems I even have to clarify "Clarity." When I said "wanting to parent" does not give someone the RIGHT to parent, I meant that all the way to the bank.So many who adopt are under the illusion that the child they adopt would have no where else to go if they did not step in and give that child their name and identity. That, in and of itself, is a questionable "gift." That child already has a surname and a family identity and that is taken from him.I can bet that when this mother with the "unwanted" (read "unexpected or unplanned") pregnancy reached out for help, no one suggested… -
Clarity...It's Refreshing
6 Sep 2009 | 6:11 amSome may have noticed that I do not publish hostile, argumentative or mean-spirited comments, but I do read them all. It amazes me how many people scan but do not read and how many will take, or omit, one section or sentence out of context of the entire message. I also do not publish comments from people who tell me I should watch out what I say, be careful about what I say (I already do both), or who ridicule good people.To the infertile, potential adopter who responded to my post about taking responsibility for situations; you must have missed the sentence where I stressed that not all…
-
Diarrhea of a madman
-
Girls, girls, girls
17 Oct 2009 | 8:34 amI have girls. Delilah (yes, that is a pseudonym) was born on her due date of September 29th 2009 at 21:38, weighing in at 6 pounds 13 ounces. Everyone is doing great, except Lamia who appears to think that mommy no longer loves her. She is sweet with Delilah though. Tired. Obviously. -
Advertising
7 Sep 2009 | 9:23 amHow is it that my kid not only knows about McDonalds, but gets excited when she sees it? She had some fries from there one time. And now when we see the big golden arches she points and screams piercingly “O’Donalds!” causing everyone around us for 100ft to stare at me as if I am the worst parent in the world, because obviously the child is fed on nothing but McNuggets. It was much funnier when our friends were visiting and told us they had just come from McDonalds and Lamia sang “ee-i-ee-i-o!” I feel like she has lost her innocence somehow. -
Guilt
28 Jun 2009 | 5:28 pmThe second kiddo’s imminent arrival is a mere three months away. We are in the process of clearing out the study so that we can move Lamia in there and leave the smaller, closer room for the n00b. I find I am feeling a little guilty at the uprooting that Lamia is going to go through. She has been so much the center, the focus, of our lives for the past 21 months. She comes before all else, and she knows it. The kid chucks a tantrum if she brings me a book to read to her and I tell her I will do it in 2 minutes. How on earth is this little girl, who has been so doted on, going to handle… -
A confession
21 Apr 2009 | 8:51 amI have been trying to decide what to with this blog. I no longer write here very often. Partly because when I do take the time to write something of substance, I have to deal with it being picked to pieces. Which is OK, that is why I write it in a public environment. But at the same time it is disheartening because even people who are supposed to be on “my side” take exception to my comments on occasion. If I am not even understood by those who should understand me best, obviously I am not writing well enough and thereby making matters worse. So, I closed the blog for awhile. And… -
Puff wants to play
20 Apr 2009 | 10:34 pmPuff is a puppy. Puff loves his family. But most of all, Puff loves to play. Puff says: Lily, will you play with me? Lily says: Go away Puff. I am sleeping. Puff says: Mommy, will you play with me? Mommy says: Not right now Puff. I am busy fixing dinner. Puff says: Daddy, will you play with me? Daddy says: Later Puff. I need to mend this torn book. Puff says: Lamia, will you play with me? Lamia says: I am too little to play with you Puff. Puff is sad. Nobody will play with him. He goes to fetch his ball and tosses it around near Lily. Lily opens one eye. Puff bounces over to Lily and says:…
-
Production, Not Reproduction
-
EnviroMom Meatless Supper Club: Spicy Black Beans & Rice
5 Nov 2009 | 12:40 amThis has been one of Those Weeks. The kind in which just making it to the dinner table at the end of the day feels like an accomplishment. So any meals hav to be (1) fast and (2) made of ingredients already in our pantry or freezer. Our trusty black beans and rice recipe fit the bill on both counts. You'd probably never serve it guests--it's too ugly for that. But it's warm, comforting, filling and beyond easy to make. The most complicated step is chopping up an onion. It's really not that spicy, despite its name. I use a minimum of cayenne pepper to keep it kid-friendly. Upping the… -
Open Adoption Roundtable #9
4 Nov 2009 | 1:32 pmThe Open Adoption Roundtable is a series of occasional writing prompts about open adoption. It's designed to showcase of the diversity of thought and experience in the open adoption community. You don't need to be part of the Open Adoption Bloggers list to participate, or even be in a traditional open adoption. If you're thinking about openness in adoption, you have a place at the table. Publish your response during the next two weeks--linking back here so we can all find one other--and leave a link to your post in the comments. If you don't blog, you can always leave your thoughts directly… -
Quick Birthday Follow-up
2 Nov 2009 | 11:55 pmI forgot to tell you we came home one night last week to a message from Ray saying that he wanted to wish Puppy a happy birthday. Just to close the birth parent birthday loop that I thought was closed but was apparently half-dangling. It was late, so Todd called him back on another evening. Ray and Puppy had one of those five-sentence conversations before Puppy decided he was done, which is so typical of his phone skills right now. Very charmed by the idea of talking on the phone, not so great with the execution. My reaction was...neutral, I guess? Relieved a call eventually come,… -
Obligatory Halloween Post-Mortem
1 Nov 2009 | 11:55 pmFor Halloween, Puppy dressed up as a Holy Crusader and Firefly went as a monkey. I kid, I kid! Puppy was a wizard, Firefly was a cat and it was all quite fun. Although Todd tells me the wizard costume would not have flown with his parents during his childhood years. Too evil, apparently. But they actually did dress him as a Crusader one year. The calculus on that one is a little fuzzy for me. This year was the first time we tried that popular candy swap/fairy/game/bribe thing in which the kid gets a toy in exchange for their candy. Firefly turns into an itchy, miserable mess (or worse)… -
An Adoption Photo
29 Oct 2009 | 2:17 pmFootball has always been something Ray and Todd shared in common. They were both coaching high school teams the year Puppy was born; I remember Ray coming back to the hospital room late one night after a game (which he and Todd promptly spent the good part of an hour dissecting play by play). Every phone call between them eventually turns to football. Puppy recognized this commonality early on. Not surprising, given that it's nearly impossible to miss. I think it's important to him as a way he can connect with his two dads at the same time. Footballs and football teams and football shirts and…
-
Parents for Ethical Adoption Reform (PEAR)
-
5 Nov 2009 | 1:13 pm
5 Nov 2009 | 1:13 pmUkraine Adoption Alert U.S. DEPARTMENT OF STATEBureau of Consular AffairsOffice of Children’s Issues Dear Members of the American Adoption Community:On November 3, 2009, Ukraine’s central adoption authority, the State Department for Adoption and Protection of the Rights of the Child (SDAPRC) informed the U.S. Embassy in Kyiv that it was suspending the issuances of referrals for both Ukrainian and foreign adoptive parents to visit Ukrainian orphanages due to the increased incidence of H1N1 in Ukraine. According to this notice, no prospective adoptive parents (either Ukrainian or from other… -
PEAR Member and Donation Drive
2 Nov 2009 | 6:47 pmPEAR’s mission is to provide a voice for prospective and adoptive parents. Join our all-volunteer 501(c)(3) organization to encourage ethics, transparency and support in the adoption process.Your one-time or monthly tax-deductible donation will help us raise $5,000 during National Adoption Month to ensure a “PEAR is in the Chair” in 2010 to represent prospective and adoptive parents in adoption legislation discussions and to participate at conferences worldwide. Click http://www.pear-now.org/join.php to donate via paypal or mail.Several levels of donations are available:Patron level of… -
Results of POSitive Study-Demographics and Adoption Professional Sections
2 Nov 2009 | 7:22 amPEAR conducted a Observational Survey on Adoptive Parents Success, Satisfaction and Types of Post-Adoption Services (POSitive study) from January to August 2009. One entry was completed per child with a potential 129 questions covering the areas of adoption professionals, financial advice, international adoption clinics, early intervention (US only), mental health services, faith-based services, school-based services, testing and other interventions. Articles and statistical analyses will be available in early 2010.On each Monday during National Adoption Month, we will share a segment of the… -
Post Adoption Resource: FASD and Brain Differences
30 Oct 2009 | 7:09 amBetter Endings New Beginnings has developed a free guidebook for families and caregivers to fill out on behalf of their child, and then give to new teachers, therapists, care providers, etc to help others understand their child better.One is specific to FASD/prenatal alcohol exposure, the other only mentions brain differences – the info is the same in both booklets. These documents can be found athttp://www.betterendings.org/downloads/AAM_FASD.pdf (specific for children with FASD)andhttp://www.betterendings.org/downloads/AAM_BrainDifferences.pdf (for children with other brain differences)A… -
Adoptive Families Magazine "A TB Regulation Victory"
28 Oct 2009 | 7:13 amAdoptive Families magazine December 2009 issue, Adoptalk New and Notes section, article “A TB Regulation Victory” contains several misleading statements.The article can be accessed here http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/news.phpTuberculosis screening criteria and regulations are complex.The statement “The regulations held adopted children to a higher standard than children born to American parents in another country, or even to tourists” has two flaws.The first flaw implies that the 2007 TB screening guidelines to obtain an immigrant visa no longer differentiate between guidelines for…
-
제인 정의 블로그 Jane's blog
-
Blogging at Conducive
3 Nov 2009 | 5:38 pmI started blogging at Conducive in an effort to reach a wider audience. I’ll still post things here, but I’ll also direct you over to Conducive for some articles. Cruise on over now to read my new article and see a photo of my birthmother mother. What does “Gotcha” mean? November is National Adoption Month. What would such a celebration of adoption, whether in the U.S. or another country, mean to my Korean birthmother? At the time my mother became a “birthmother,” I was six months old, and my sister was four years old. Because she passed away about nine years ago, I will… -
Nothing About Us Without Us
26 Oct 2009 | 8:50 amDo you believe that access to medical information is important for all people, including adoptees and the children of adoptees? Are you a Korean adoptee who believes that you should have a say in the laws that Korea makes about the lives of existing adoptees and future adoptees? Would you like fair laws to govern the birthfamily search process? Do believe that unwed Korean mothers should be educated and supported in keeping their own children? If you said “yes” to any of these questions, you may be interested in what is happening this fall in Seoul with the revisions of Korea’s adoption… -
Domestic Adoption in Korea
1 Oct 2009 | 7:25 pmDespite a lot of positive publicity, domestic adoption is actually going DOWN, very steadily, in South Korea. The government should use its funds to support single moms in raising their children whom they love, and who have a home already — not promote domestic adoption. Check out the statistics at http://justicespeaking.wordpress.com/2009/10/02/domestic-vs-overseas-korean-adoption/ -
Chuseok is not Thanksgiving.
1 Oct 2009 | 3:49 amI had a new essay published in Korean in Pressian, and I put the original English on the TRACK blog here: http://justicespeaking.wordpress.com/2009/09/28/갔다-올께/ -
Delivery gone wild
30 Sep 2009 | 9:34 amSouth Korea is the land of convenience. Here, you see that you can be so lazy that not only can you eat at McDonald’s — you can also get it DELIVERED to you by motorcycle. Whoever thought of delivering babies for adoption was really smart. I bet they make more for delivering babies than ice cream cones. Plus that, babies don’t melt.
-
The Open Window
-
Chirp. Chirp. Chirp.
14 Oct 2009 | 11:36 amThere have been nothing but crickets on this blog for a long time. So long, I wonder if anyone still has me in their feed readers. I can't even begin to tell you how many times I thought about blogging again. Even after closing down The Open Window, the urge to write and share pieces of Slugger's and my life was still there. I missed all of you. I missed how easy it was to share thoughts with my -
Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow
3 Oct 2008 | 7:09 pmI started Peanut Pants when I was part of the way through my Russian adoption process. I didn't really know what would come of blogging. I didn't really have any expectations at all. But, in time, I was pleasantly surprised. My blog led me to some wonderful friends. People who I have rejoiced with, cried with, and understood... all without ever meeting most of them. I never would have expected -
I Approve This Message
21 Sep 2008 | 12:47 pm -
Kick a Girl While She's Down, Why Don't You?
19 Sep 2008 | 1:05 pmOne of Slugger's chores is to get the mail. When he brings it in, he has a habit of going through it and reading off what each one is from. Today he handed me an unassuming white envelope. He tried to read the return address, but after stumbling with it he just said "it's from the White House."Even though it's been years since I filed my I-600A* and I received my I-171H as an early Christmas -
I Can't Believe I Agree With Him...
16 Sep 2008 | 12:31 pmPolitically, I've rarely agreed with this man in the past. But when someone speaks the truth, it's worth repeating: "McCain has gone in some of his ads -- similarly gone one step too far," he told Fox News, "and sort of attributing to Obama things that are, you know, beyond the '100 percent truth' test."He said both candidates need to "be careful" about their attacks on each other. "They ought to
-
The Daily Bastardette
-
GALLERY OF HEROIC ADOPTEE & BASTARD LEGENDS
6 Nov 2009 | 6:39 pmArg! Bastardette has come down with a second malady (the bronchitis is much better) which is too painful to discuss. So painful, that we're not getting anything original posted tonight, though we tried.But to keep my vow to post every day this month, here's a reminder: if you have a Facebook account go on over and join alt.adoption for the best damn discussion I've seen in a long time. All the cool bastards are there. And remember, unlike every other adoption board we know of, outside of BN's BEST members list, it's NOT moderated. But if you whine, don't expect to be coddled.As a bonus,… -
NATIONAL ADOPTION AWARENESS MONTH RESOLUTION: SURPRISE! WE'RE NOT IN IT
5 Nov 2009 | 5:50 pmHowdy Doody!Here is Barack Obama's official National Adoption Awareness Month Resolution. I'm posting the whole thing here so you don't have to run over to the Federal Register.Bastardette especially likes this part:By continually opening up the doors to adoption, and supporting full equality in adoption laws for all American families, we allow more children to find the permanent homes they yearn for and deserve.Of course, this is a sop to the GLBT community who Obama so unceremoniously dumped in Maine yesterday, and will no doubt continue to dump. It sure ain't about bastard equality. Even… -
BASTARDS OF NOTE: ALEXANDER HAMILTON
4 Nov 2009 | 2:30 pmWe don't have much time today, but we wanted to point you to a Bastard of Note: Alexander Hamilton. Now, many of us Jeffersonians (including me) consider Hamilton a "bastard" (small b) for a lot of reasons, but he was indeed ONE OF US: a genuine Bastard, born of lust and sin and sweaty sheets. He is the only Bastard whose portrait appears on US currency and the only Bastard ex-US Secretary of the Treasury to be shot and killed by a US Vice President.Wiki has a long entry (my bold) on Hamilton includingBy his own account, Hamilton was born in Charlestown, the capital of Nevis in the British… -
3RD ANNUAL DEMONS IN ADOPTION AWARD WINNER: BETHANY CHRISTIAN SERVICES
3 Nov 2009 | 10:30 amThe votes are in! NCFA super agency Bethany Christian Services, is recipient of the 2009 Demons in Adoption Award!Niels Hoogeveen, keeper of Pound Pup Legacy, connects lots of dots in the adoption industry cobweb in his award announcement. Please read the entire essay for a good explication of the enemy.Here is what he writes specifically about Bethany:Bethany Christian Services is also a prominent member of the Christian Alliance for Orphans, a coalition of Christian adoption agencies, foster care agencies, orphan care organizations and churches, supported by Campus Crusade for Christ and… -
UPDATE: JEAN PATON BIO
2 Nov 2009 | 3:28 amJean Paton, the mother of the adoptee rights movement, is the forgotten woman of our movement. Even though Jean was alive, well, and kicking in the 1990s, when Bastard Nation started the Second Wave of the Adoptee Rights , I'd never heard of her until I attended the 1998 Seattle AAC. She was a featured speaker--and what a revelation she was!Who knew that the Bastards are Beautiful slogan we were so clever to invent, was actually coined by Jean 40 years earlier! So much for re-inventing the wheel.Why Jean was excised from our history, I don't know, other than the history of our movement, even…
-
Joy's Division
-
We Deserve an Apology
6 Nov 2009 | 10:52 amWe do. This occurred to me yesterday for the first time really. I was having a discussion about compromise with a large powerful religious organization who is anti-adoptee rights to our own personal information. I started in my normal calm way of thinking and discussing this matter. I was going to point out that we are not “partners” in this with the Catholics, you know this isn’t an agreement that we made with them and we have to give a little and they have to give a little . We are not partners with a common goal. We don’t have to be fair or consider them. ( I… -
Adoption Pictures?
29 Oct 2009 | 9:04 pmI noticed they are having a new carnival at Grown in my Heart. I have read many of the entries. I have become kind of fascinated in spite of myself on the different entries, for the different topics. If for nothing else, it demonstrates how differently people can see the same situation. The latest is your favorite “adoption picture”. My first response is what? Adoption picture? What is an adoption picture? I have pictures of my ancestors, I have pictures of my adopted ancestors, who influenced me as well. Their customs, personalities, heritage made an influence on my sense of self… -
Listen to this if you can and tell me at what point you figure out the kid is adopted
26 Oct 2009 | 8:40 pmIs it at ‘he was a difficult child’ http://www.kqed.org/epArchive/R910261000 ‘I took notes in the hospital while he was in ICU figuring I could write an article’ ‘I had no maternal feelings and tried to intellectualize motherhood’ Oh and the beeeeeeeeyoooootiful smug, precious, ‘I am a writer an intellectual and all and somehow completely missed that tabula rasa is centuries out dated concept, the baby wasn’t a lump of clay after all–who knew?” The other distubing thing is I have more than likely been. nice. to. her. face. That was… -
Validated Like a Parking Garage Ticket
25 Oct 2009 | 12:23 pmI have to get my parking tickets punched with their purple numbers and letters all the time. It is kind of a pain in the neck but when that black and white striped bar lifts and you get out for free, it always gives me a bit of a thrill. I know, I am easy to pleasy. It doesn’t always work though, the other night after going to the market I ended up in a frustration that cost me $5.00 to go to my grocery store for about 5 minutes. It was more expensive than those sex lines that are advertised on T.V. Grrrr. About an hour later, I was talking to some adoptees on line regarding fogged-up… -
The Other Half of the Visit: Fools Rush in Where Angels Fear to Tread
16 Oct 2009 | 11:18 pmI have always identified with the fool and the rushing in that expression. We did a lot of things with our company, so it is not just like we had this one conversation about my personal adoption. After the initial explanation about our current situation and the difficulties it is fraught with my company decided to help me out by educating me about the bright side of my adoption. It is so interesting when you talk about adoption. There was so much that I didn’t say that they seemed to have perceived me as saying. I see this on line all the time. For a lot of people if you say anything…
-
Kimchi Mamas
-
Open Thread Thursday
5 Nov 2009 | 9:12 amBabies! Babies! Babies! Halloween's over, but the HOLIDAYS are just beginning . . . It's Open Thread Thursday . . . What's on YOUR mind? --The Kimchi Mamas -
On Mothering
4 Nov 2009 | 9:07 amMy parents stayed with us for three weeks to help us take care of our newborn. When I first asked her to help us out with our baby, my mom responded, "I think American babies are different than Korean babies."... -
Roots (part 3)
29 Oct 2009 | 10:16 pmRead parts 1 and 2, here. Well, as you can probably guess, my youngest gomo (aunt) decided to immigrate to America. I have never ever asked her about this and I don't think she even knows that I know this... -
Open Thread Thursday
29 Oct 2009 | 7:09 amNeed something to read? A list of Korean authors get their books translated into English (Spanish and French, too!). Halloween is this weekend! What are your kimchi babies/kids dressing as? It's Open Thread Thursday . . . What's on YOUR... -
Kimchi Mamas Meet Up #2
27 Oct 2009 | 8:25 pmMark your calendars for THE social event of the year. The Kimchi Mamas Bay Area Meet Up #2 Where: Secret Garden, Santa Clara When: Saturday, November 14th Time: 6 PM There will probably be non-obligatory no rae banging (karaoke) after...
-
We all come from 'Seoul'
-
Korean Sam-Go-Mu in Shakiras new song
1 Nov 2009 | 9:59 am"Inside-outs" from Korean Danish Adoptee, Copenhagen-based on adoption, identity and modern spirituality -
Live and let live... or speak up ?
20 Jun 2009 | 3:57 amThe reason behind my posting today is that nowadays, the Korean government and volounteer organizations have grown stronger and increased an heightened awareness and understanding of the strong and capable international adoptees society. The official Korea wishes to create network and welcoming home programs to support the large number of grown up adoptees, who travel back to Korea for the first time. Students, who can't easily find 7.000 DKK for plane tickets and 5.000 DKK for lodging etc. are the target group for these programmes. This chance should be informed via proper channels and… -
Stay tuned..
18 Jun 2009 | 2:53 pmAnd then came February, March, April, May and June... organizing, meetings, delegations, articles, World Business Summit delegation, OECD Green IT conference in Helsingoer, "Engle og Daemoner" at the cinema, Tante T visits..multiple visits :), Saturdays with nieces in Botanical Gardens, remembering my grandmother and the special key she had, being an artist/painter which allowed her to enter the gardens and paint anytime (mind you my grandmother lived to be 102 years old.. so, she was born before the turn of the last century when the Botanical Gardens weren't open to the public), birthday… -
Hwayobi - even better than Alicia Keys .. if I may say so ^^
21 Feb 2009 | 1:39 pm"Inside-outs" from Korean Danish Adoptee, Copenhagen-based on adoption, identity and modern spirituality -
B-Boyz - this is old but.. still rocking cool entertainment
15 Feb 2009 | 12:34 pm"Inside-outs" from Korean Danish Adoptee, Copenhagen-based on adoption, identity and modern spirituality
-
omegamom.com
-
A lesson unlearned
6 Nov 2009 | 9:51 pmRemember this? It happened again, this evening. So, instead of relaxing and watching some nice dark science fiction (aka Stargate Universe), OmegaDad and I have spent the past 40 minutes dealing with OmegaDotter’s social life–or, currently, lack thereof. Once again, she started making plans with A.–as in, “We’ll pick you up at…”–without sitting down and asking us first. It’s not a lot to ask, I think. I’d like to have her request that a friend can spend the night, and actually talk about it with us, before she starts making… -
Hey, jealousy
5 Nov 2009 | 4:42 pmOur neighborhood is filled with dogs. Big dogs. Little dogs. Dogs that go on walks with their humans. On the whole, I find myself thinking of Kai less and less, though when the dotter brought home “Our Daily News” (in which the kids write a snippet, it gets compiled into a sheet, and the teacher copies the sheet and sends it home with the kids) where she had not one, but two snippets, about how our dog died…well. That one made it suddenly come back again. Anyway, I see the happy people walking their dogs and am wracked with jealousy. “How… -
A night at the (Chinese) opera
4 Nov 2009 | 1:42 amUniversity of Alaska-Big City recently opened a branch of Major Chinese Philosopher Institute, whose mission is to foster Amurrikan-Chinese relations and promote Chinese language learning for K-12 schools. This means that we have more Chinese events to go to, put on by MCP Institute, if we’re willing to drive an hour each way. (It also seems that we may end up having Chinese lessons here! in Suburban Alaska! coming up after January 1! This is majorly exciting; the classes in Big City run from 7 p.m. to 9 p.m. on Friday nights, which doesn’t work very well for… -
I knew her when…
3 Nov 2009 | 10:16 amWhen the dotter becomes a famous artist, I am going to go around being such a mom. “Did you see that new painting she did?! Isn’t it awesome?!” “You need to buy that sculpture of hers. Did you know she was making sculptures out of construction paper when she was a tiny girl? It’s only $3,000! C’mon!” Really. I am in awe of her talent. My mom, GrannyJ, is very artsy; she was always doodling and drawing and making hooked rugs and making psychodelic creatures out of papier mache. I, however, find… -
I succumb to temptation
2 Nov 2009 | 4:01 pmSaturday night, OmegaDad snuck into my office, opened up a plastic bag from the local grocery store, and showed me the bag of miniature Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups that was inside. “These were on sale–half off! Hide this!” he commanded. So I slid it into the drawer to the left of my computer. The plan was, of course, that he and I could share it, and it would be safe from the dotter. In the picture above, you see the reality of things. OmegaDad should be a pusher. I can see him now, dressed in a trenchcoat, leaning against an alley…
-
Weebles Wobblog
-
Show & Tell: Wedding invitation
4 Nov 2009 | 4:00 pmThis past week, Roger and I marked the 15th anniversary of our engagement (click all images to magnify).As longtime readers may guess, we are not the traditional type that would have a traditional wedding. Or traditional wedding invitations.And before we had children, we were big film aficionados.These were the RSVP cards.And, as if out of a time capsule, our closing arguments in why invitees -
Moments in Open Adoption Parenting, part 73
3 Nov 2009 | 6:00 amTessa was distraught, after a Halloween party, for not getting the nod for a sleepover at her aunt's house. The excitement of the kid-oriented haunted house, the disappointment about the sleepover and a sugar high made for a meltdown.I got her into the car and she continued to wail about how mean her dad and I are. Roger and Reed were in the other car (long logistical explanation), so Tessa and I -
Perfect Moment Monday: The calgonification of me
1 Nov 2009 | 11:01 pmPerfect Moment Monday is about noticing a perfect moment rather than creating one. Perfect moments can be momentous or ordinary or somewhere in between.We gather once a week to engage in mindfulness about something that is right with our world. Everyone is welcome to join. Details on how to participate are at the bottom of this post, complete with bloggy bling.Please visit the links of the -
Shout Out Sunday: A sense of humor
1 Nov 2009 | 12:34 pmThe amazingly fabulous Melissa at Full Circle has created a new meme, which she kicked-off today (how appropriate that I am watching my Broncos at time of kick off. How sucky that they are losing).It's called Shout Out Sunday, and I'm all in.Here's the deal, from Melissa:Choose a blog that has moved you. A daily must read. One you stalk. One that makes you laugh, cry or scream at the monitor. A -
Hallowinter
30 Oct 2009 | 6:00 amDue to Mother Nature's recent cold flash, I am subjecting you to another slide show, so soon after the last.(By the way, Manly Man is not Roger. He's a guy we saw at the sledding hill. As far as I could tell, he was not high.)Also, for those of you who were worried, I GOT MORE WINE!We had a BLAST, and I laughed my abs off. Snow days CAN be fun when you're all grown up.
-
Drama 2B Mama
-
The Meeting
6 Nov 2009 | 6:00 am(March, 2001) -- I'm about to meet the woman who might -- just might -- make me a mom.The what-ifs drive me crazy. What if Crystal doesn’t like me? What if, like a bad blind date, we just don’t click? What if I say something stupid? What if we find out new -- and negative -- information about her pregnancy? I've gone into a mental tailspin.Roger and I arrive at our meeting a few minutes early to -
The Likeability Factor
4 Nov 2009 | 6:00 am(March, 2001) -- Now, the BIG question is: will Crystal like us? I am nervous about making such a critical first impression. A match meeting with lifelong consequences is a akin to a blind date resulting in a wedding the next month.So it's no wonder that some of my trepidation about our meeting had to do with this question, as well: would I like her? One of the women from from Adoption School -
By the way...
2 Nov 2009 | 6:00 am(March, 2001) -- I call our adoption counselor, Sheryl, on the 1 week anniversary of submitting our profile. She says it looks great -- as do all the other profiles from the couples in our adoption class. There is a lot of competition in The Book.“By the way," Sheryl says casually, "there’s an expectant mother due in three weeks who is interested in you.” My heart starts to leap out of my chest.“ -
Does a watched phone ring?
30 Oct 2009 | 6:00 am(March, 2001) -- By St. Patrick's Day I am irritated. Why haven’t we been called yet? It’s been three freaking days.Submitting the profile is a big shift in the balance of power. While the profile was in our hands, we were in control. But now that it’s out in the world, we are powerless. The process now belongs to something greater than ourselves. And while that fact should give me comfort, it is -
Adoption profile: 100 square inches of us
28 Oct 2009 | 6:00 am(March, 2001) -- The last part of Adoption School is learning how to show ourselves to expectant parents. We are to prepare a 4-page profile and a 12-page portfolio. If the profile interests the readers, they can learn more about us through the in-depth portfolio.Creating the profile/portfolio seems like an overwhelming task. How do we summarize ourselves on 1100 square inches of paper? What if
-
Therapy Is Expensive
-
Open Adoption Roundtable 9:
4 Nov 2009 | 10:01 pmI’ve missed/avoided/ignored the last two OAR writing prompts for various reasons but am jumping back into the discussion with with this one. Heather posted it today and I’ve been thinking about it every since reading it from my phone while I’m sure I was supposed to be doing something productive today. This round we’re going to consider one critique of fully open adoptions. Have you ever heard–or perhaps even made–statements like these? “We have medical histories and can share the information we have about their birth parents with our children now. -
I Used To Be Able To Sleep
2 Nov 2009 | 10:52 amI used to be a heavy sleeper. I slept through alarm clocks, through storms, through earthquakes. Momma took pride that when I was little she could vacuum under my bed while I slept and I wouldn’t even budge. But after I gave birth that changed. I became a super light sleeper. The day I got home from the hospital the slightest noise would wake me and I would think I had heard my baby cry. Made even more ridiculous because I knew he was 3000 miles away. Its been over 8 years and still I am woken by the slightest noise. I have roommates. If I fall asleep at 11 and then… -
I Do It To Myself
19 Oct 2009 | 4:07 pmI am one of three members of WA-CARE (thats Washington Coalition for Adoptee Rights and Equality) who will be meeting with a state legislator next Tuesday. We hope this legislator will sponsor a bill re-instating access for adult adoptees to their original birth certificates. My MSW Capstone project about First Mother Disenfranchised Grief (delving deeper into my project from last quarter). My Child Youth and Family Policy Project is about OBC access (delving deeper into what I learned from last winter/spring’s research project and piggybacking on my work with the coalition). Its my… -
Could it be?
12 Oct 2009 | 9:06 amI quite possibly may be part of a meeting with a state legislator at the end of the month when a coalition I’m involved with attempts to find a sponsor for an bill that would reinstate adult adoptee rights to their OBCs. I am crossing my fingers and holding my breath. -
My Roommates Understand…Or They Think They Do…
11 Oct 2009 | 1:21 amToday we had a “happy unemployment anniversary” get together for the group of us who got laid off together last fall. It involved drinking, I’m still not yet sober. After all our friends had left the roomies started talking to me. I’m sure you all know how alcohol brings out emotional conversations (and if you don’t I envy you). Somehow we ened up talking about adoption and its effect on my mood. Jenasia under the influence of whiskey began in a very understanding way. It gave me hope. It made me open up. It made me share. And then it reverted to the place…
-
singout
-
Mean/Grace
5 Nov 2009 | 3:24 pmIn loving, I don’t have to defend anything or attack anything. I fall out of that loving daily. I have put myself on “pause” and re calibrate. What do I really want here? What does the other person want? Observing the challenges to my emotional experience, I am learning. Inhale, exhale, whoop I’m still here. Every experience is for growing and expanding. The purpose of my life is to turn all experience to good use. This every other daily blogging thing is interesting. Really what do I have to say? -
Oh, glory how happy I am
2 Nov 2009 | 11:37 pmThis being adoption month and nablopomo (or whatever) I’m inspired to keep my blog active with little tidbits. Back in November many long years ago I was living in a studio apt with my dearest friend and getting quite a big belly. We were happy to stay home and teach ourselves to knit and listen to the Reverand Gary Davis. Joy said she sang about being saved in the blood of the lamb. When I googled it on youtube look who popped up! Perhaps she picked it up in the womb. Oh, glory how happy I am. Wait for it to load and skip ahead to about 2:20. -
A Sunday in October
1 Nov 2009 | 11:07 amThe previous post leaves a bad taste. I want to override it. So looking into unpublished drafts I found this, written just over a year ago. It’s something worth remembering. I keep telling myself I’m not going to argue. I’m not going to get defensive. And yet there I go defending and arguing time and again. I argue. I defend. Joy and I and Ezzy had a fine time on Sunday. First, Ezzy took me to church with her friend, Mickie. I called Joy when we went inside to let her know where we were. I called again when we headed out to eat. I kept looking back at the… -
Keep Looking
31 Oct 2009 | 11:21 amGrown in My Hearts Adoption Carnival this month is about ‘treasured adoption photos’. This is really hard for me to grasp. Treasured would be something I like, right? The only adoption photos I have are the poorly lit fuzzy polaroids taken of me holding Joy before signing the relinquishment papers. The best one went to her father. I wanted him to have some remembrance as he never saw her. I’ve been ashamed that that was the best I could do. She was an absolutely beautiful baby, and fuzzy polaroids didn’t do her justice. They are the only photos. If there are no… -
Looking Good
26 Oct 2009 | 6:22 pmLast night Joy mentioned how I portray myself, suggesting my motivations are often to “make myself look good”. She said that based on my answer to an earlier commenter’s question I am pretty naive about how I look to others. How did I think that me makes me look? Not good. Then why did I say it? Because it’s the truth. I like to keep it simple. I don’t want people to approve of me based on erroneous information. I have been overly concerned about what she thinks about me. By not raising her, I missed out on the lovely assurance that no matter what; I am…
-
According To Addie
-
Wolves, Lakes, Fear, and Boobs
5 Nov 2009 | 8:08 amOverheard, “Lakes are like boobs, if you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all.” This prompted by a print of wolves by lake. A print that will be given away. A print that my husband is in danger of winning, even though he didn’t agree with the commenter’s observation about boobs. Just another reason to live in fear. What would I do with a print of five wolves (my husband counted them) by a lake? I can’t put it in a garage sale, somebody that knows we won it would see it. I can’t re-gift it. My family has decided to not give gifts… -
National Adoption Month
2 Nov 2009 | 10:51 amYep, it’s that time of year again. Right after Halloween, and before the holidays get cranked up. How I love it. BTW, about Halloween, a good half of my trick-or-treaters were taller than me, and I’m not a short woman. What is up with that? So kids, what should we do for Adoption Month? Any ideas? I see Bethany Christian Services has already won the Demons of Adoption award, that’s a start. How about we all get together and TP them? I’m taking any suggestions. -
Photos Of Adoption
29 Oct 2009 | 7:13 amThis is for the Grown In My Heart Blog Carnival. If you’d like to share just head right there and they’ll hook you up. Me, I’d love to share. But I don’t have much. Being adopted and all. Here’s a pic of my mom as a child… That’s her standing in the middle. Here’s a photo of me at about the same age… That’s all I got. -
Too Much Sugar?
26 Oct 2009 | 8:34 amSomething was brought up about conversations with your inner child not long ago. I hate that shit. What in the world would I have to say to my inner child? I can just imagine how that conversation would go. Big Me: Hey, how’s it going? Inner Child: Do you have any pixie sticks? I like Pixie Sticks? Big Me: Fresh out of Pixie Sticks, sorry. Inner Child: I like Pixie Sticks, just not the grape ones. Big Me: I’ll keep that in mind. Are you getting along alright? Inner Child: I hate Kathy. She has a doll house with lights that work, all I have is a piece of… -
Don’t Call Me Names-Grown In My Heart Blog Carnival
8 Oct 2009 | 7:31 amIt’s blog carnival time again, Join in right here…. http://blenza.com/linkies/links.php?owner=pickel&postid=07Oct2009&meme=3616 I know you have something to say about this. I was a willing participant in a campaign of disinformation. That’s complicated way of saying, I lied. But did I, really? I’ve told you my name. It’s not the one I sign checks with, but it’s the one that was given me at birth. Does that mean you don’t know me? Certainly not, when I’m here, I’m Melanie. I’m just somebody else most of the time.
-
Adoption Animal House
-
Being A Hyphenated Mother
12 Oct 2009 | 8:17 amAs anyone can tell from our last two posts my daughter and I are having very different reactions to our latest separation. The 30 days we had together made me feel even closer to her. I realized how very much I loved seeing her every day even if it was for just a short time after work on most days. I knew I enjoyed her company but I learned how much I enjoy being part of her daily life. I am holding the memories very close and they make me smile. She is creating distance to survive. I think I have learned another reunion lesson here. Being close to your mother does not heal adoption wounds. -
Being Adopted
9 Oct 2009 | 5:33 pmBeing adopted is hard work. It takes more effort to trust, love, accept and believe. Not to give those things, mind you, but to allow others to give them to me. I trust, love, accept and believe too intensely, too soon and without thinking it through. But to receive them from others is heart wrenching. I can list off a thousand reasons why I am simply, not good enough. If I sit down and actually think about it I AM good enough, often TOO good, but in the moment my inner strength backs down like a puppy shit kicked one too many times. This can not be the way to live, this can not be how I… -
Almost a year
4 Oct 2009 | 12:31 pmIt has been almost a year since I last posted. Ilooked back at what I had written and realized where we were when I last wrote. It was very very hard to get through the months that followed that post and too many times I felt like it was hopeless. We made it through and are closer than ever. There were a lot of fears and just a lot of baggage to get through. We did it. I'm not sure how except we just kiept talking. I have been there, she came here. On one trip I stayed a few extra days to help her through a bad time. For once, I was there when she needed me. It was a turning point I think. -
Missing Her Today
23 Nov 2008 | 11:16 amMy daughter and I have come a long way and we have even further to go. One of the things that really gets to her is that I am nothing if not wound tight. To say that I don't show my emotions easily is a gross understatement. I know why. After the relinquishment my family was very supportive (yes I am lucky), they really wanted me to feel better and didn't want me to hurt. So I worked at convincing them I was just fine. I thought there was nothing to gain in talking about it. My daughter was gone and no one could make that better. So I spent 35 years keeping my mouth shut and learning to keep… -
A Different Birthday
12 Nov 2008 | 12:49 pmLike many adoptees out there, I have always hated my birthday. I can think of past years that were drowned in tears, alcohol, or a combination of the two plus other unmentionables perhaps. (ahem...)I can think of past years where I tried to ignore the date altogether - unsuccessfully. I can think of a couple of birthdays I spent waiting by the phone that never rang, and waiting for the letter that never came. Thinking that today, of all days, maybe she would think about me and call me or write to me. I can think of many years I spent angry, lashing out at my loved ones. They didn't understand…
-
Finding Jane Doe
-
The Rhetoric of Marginalization
6 Nov 2009 | 8:19 pmThere are a number of commercials on television now whose first line of dialogue begins with the word "Fact!" Indeed, I just saw an Advil commercial that begins that way. Of course, many times, what follows the exclamation "Fact!" in such commercials is almost never an actual fact. This is a corollary of something I often tell my students: Whenever someone uses the word "clearly" or "obviously," what follows is almost never clear or obvious. I thought of this as I was doing a little bit of research for today's post. I was looking through various materials trying to recall where I had read… -
Every Adoptee Searches
5 Nov 2009 | 7:51 pmWhen I started actively searching for my first mom, I started getting a little crazy. The emotional turmoil of deciding to move forward with a search, the waiting, the wondering, the ambivalence, the feelings of disloyalty... All of it drove me a little mad. (For those that know me, a little MORE mad.) I began scouring the internet for resources to help me. I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but I didn't really know anyone adopted when I was growing up (or really, until I got into reunion), so I didn't know how other adoptees felt about this. I just wanted some insights into what I was… -
Rebelling and Adoption
4 Nov 2009 | 11:09 amOne of the things that has been amazing for me during my reunion with my first mom is how similar we are. Our interests, our fears, our peculiar neuroses... I had long suspected that, in the nurture versus nature debate, nature had a lot to do with things. That's not to say nurture doesn't have a role to play. I know that my (adoptive) family had an impact on the person I would become. That was never really in doubt.But I have to admit I didn't fully appreciate the nature side of this until I reunited with my mom. I know that not every adoptee experiences the connection that I did. For me,… -
Demons of Adoption Awards 2009
3 Nov 2009 | 6:34 amJust a quick note to let you all know that the annual Demons of Adoption Award was announced by Pound Pup Legacy yesterday. The "winner" was Bethany Christian Services. From the announcement:To raise a voice against adoption propaganda and the self congratulatory practices of CCAI's annual Angels in Adoption AwardsTM, Pound Pup Legacy initiated the Annual Demons of Adoption in 2007. This year there were many 'worthy' nominees, but members and visitors of PPL's website decided Bethany Christian Services to be most deserving to receive the award. Bethany Christian Services has over the years… -
Identity
2 Nov 2009 | 7:12 pmIdentity is a social construction. Who we are is shaped, in part, by the messages we receive starting at a very young age. It is not just that, of course. And there are elements that are ingrained in us from birth. Our temperament, for instance, is basic building block of our personality. It helps shape our reactions to things that happen to us. So many different bits play a role in shaping our identity, it's hard to tease them all out and understand how they impact us. All of which leaves us with a temptation to oversimplify the situation. We want to point to just one thing, or a couple of…
-
Baby Love Child
-
Vital Readings in Bastard History: The Black Market, Sealed Records, and the role of the 1945 Illinois Adoption Act
5 Nov 2009 | 12:01 pmBastard Grannie Annie has been researching sealed records history in Illinois and how such merely provided a new mechanism for continuing Illinois’ long and ugly history of black market adoptions. Her blog post is an important brief overview of some of the IL history, and a vital backgrounder. Black Market, 1945 Illinois Adoption Act & Sealed Records Illinois: a Black Market Haven -
Catholic Charities offers up another lifetime’s worth of lies and false “reunion”
12 Oct 2009 | 7:51 amAs time allows, I hope to do some writing around this Baltimore Sun article that just hit. For the moment, I merely wanted to point readers at the article itself. Three decades after adoption, DNA test reveals painful truth More than three decades after Ryba and Butler gave up their baby son to Catholic Charities of Trenton, N.J., for adoption, and four years after the agency facilitated their “reunion” with Bloete, genetic testing revealed last year that none of them are related. Lisa Thibault, a spokeswoman for Catholic Charities of Trenton, acknowledged that the situation is… -
*UPDATED* Un”safe haven:” dead baby found inside hospital, “about 100 feet” from the hospital’s dumpbox
2 Oct 2009 | 9:50 pmFor those who insist a “safe haven” babydump box in every hospital would ensure their mythical ‘no dead babies,’ think again. Case in point? Glendale, AZ, where a 15 year old gave birth in the hospital bathroom, leaving a baby boy in the bathroom trash can, “about 100 feet from a Safe Haven” dumpbox. (first reported September 30th.) Newborn found dead in Glendale hospital bathroom Glendale police are investigating a baby found dead in a hospital, allegedly in a trash can. The baby was found on Saturday in the emergency room at Banner Thunderbird Hospital,… -
Still more Border Babies routinely relabeled “safe haven saves” in OH, NJ, MI, and KY
1 Oct 2009 | 7:17 amThe Columbus Dispatch (Columbus, Ohio) has done a very important article, ‘Safe Haven’ babies- Many born, left in hospitals about the way boarder babies, those born at hospitals and left there after birth are being systematically folded into babydump, or so called “safe haven” statistics in Ohio. While this is nothing new, it’s good to see another article pointing out the failures of the “safe haven” legislative schemes (similar to the article about New Jersey doing the same that I blogged earlier, New Jersey- Boarder Babies being folded into “Safe… -
Three Days for Three Daughters- Day 3- Arlene Escarleth Lopez
2 Sep 2009 | 10:04 pm(Each of these three days entries should be viewed within the broader context I’ve been describing here for some time now. Please explore my Guatemala tag for further details on the previous hunger strike pertaining to these girl’s cases as well as its outcome, and my previous entry on the Three Days for Three Daughters campaign that serves as somewhat of an introduction to this series.) September third has been designated the day to focus on Arlene Escarleth Lopez’s case by the Three Days Three Daughters campaign. Quoting the campaign page about her case: Olga stepped out to the nearby…
-
omommawrites.com
-
Not the Holidays Without Tiny Prints
6 Nov 2009 | 8:58 amCan you believe it’s already November already? The holidays are quickly approaching and like I said last year, sending out Holiday cards is one of my favorite ways to kick of the holiday season. This year, we’re again using Tiny Prints for our cards (this was our card last year). I simply love this company, [...] -
Real Motherhood: It Ain’t Always Nice
30 Oct 2009 | 7:56 pmI’m starting to think there are certain stages of childhood that different parents can “do” better. Have you ever heard of that? I have some where before, and it’s certainly ringing true right now. My ideal stage in parenthood? Babies. I can do the baby stage quite well. I feel like I was made to spend [...] -
Furniture Inspiration
29 Oct 2009 | 7:04 pmWith a lot of the house talk Mark and I have been doing lately, of course it’s made me think about decorating our future house. I’ve always loved the idea of design, I even wanted to be an interior designer for about two years of my life. But now, I have this fear when I [...] -
Why I Love Mommy Forums
26 Oct 2009 | 10:36 amOh, Mommy Forums, how I love thee. Shall I list the reasons why? 1) It gets me out of my box. I’m a shy girl, I can’t just walk up to another mommy in the park and make a new friend. Using the internet to get to know other moms in my area first, and then [...] -
Life in the Past 10 Days
24 Oct 2009 | 1:57 pmLife is busy as usual, hense the lack of writing lately. Here’s the run down of the past 10 days: 1. Remember this post when Savannah was 18 months old? Well, the girl has suddenly decided that it’s time for the big girl bed and she’s been it for the past week! It only took…over a year…I [...]
-
Second Time Around
-
Checking In
18 Oct 2009 | 7:09 pmIt has been a long time since I blogged. There are several reasons why I quit. The main reason being that in July I got really sick and am now starting to get healthy again finally. Blogging or even checking on other blogs was not on the list of things that I felt like doing during this sickness.The other reason is that my relationship with my natural mother will always be just the way it has always been for the last 20 years of my life. I will not be a part of her family. I will be that "thing" in the past that she wished she could erase.I wouldn't call what we have a "relationship". She… -
Peace With Yourself
16 Jul 2009 | 6:04 amBeen on vacation. Needed to catch up on some questions others have asked in some comments. So here they are.In the post, "You Can't Change What Happened", birthmothertalks asked me if I was "basically saying that in order for birthmoms to have a relationship with their children they have to come to terms with their past choices."I do believe that is what I am saying. I am not saying that coming to terms with the choices is admitting that you are the only party responsible for the choices that were made. I am saying that you need to come to terms with the fact that no one can go back to the… -
You Can't Change What Happened
22 Jun 2009 | 4:43 amMy last post had a comment that I thought needed to be answered.I had said in my previous post:"If my natural mother was willing to finally come to terms with the decisions she has made in her life…"Anonymous said:“Tell me how a mother, and she is your mother, has to come to terms with a decision that more than likely was pushed on her. So many adoptee's can't and don't understand that WE mothers didn't want to surrender our babies, there was no alternative, no help, anywhere.”My natural mother had a secret for years. ME. Then 21 years later, after I was born, I forced that secret out. -
My Puzzle Is Complete
3 Jun 2009 | 7:17 amGrowing up adopted, I always wondered what it would be like to be around my natural mother. The word "relationship" really never entered my mind until years later after we had reunited. My feelings have bounced all over the place in 41 years.I believe I have connected the last piece of the puzzle when it comes to my natural mother. What a good feeling that is. I can look at our relationship now and see the big picture. I always thought that if I could see the big picture or even get to the end of the tunnel, then I would be finally settled in our relationship.I can not say the same for my… -
Accepting What Is Given
28 May 2009 | 7:00 pmAfter thinking things through, I have finally put the pieces together on my relationship with my nmother. For the last year and a half my life changed drastically. I became someone else in my quest for seeking me it seems.When I decided to start my relationship back up with my nmother, I started to change who I was. I was trying to be my nmother's daughter. Trying to be a part of her family. At the same time, I was burying the person who I was. It seemed I became very stressed out about life and that my life had a tornado running right smack down the middle of it.Since my last writing and…
-
Land of the Not-So-Calm
-
Sometimes My Language Partners Make Me Cry
5 Nov 2009 | 6:34 pmI <3 my language partners. I never thought that I would have much to say to two guys who are almost 10 years younger than me, but oddly enough I do. Having a truly equitable language partner relationship that works effectively for both parties is tricky. It requires a close match not only in terms of skill [...] -
Good Luck, Ken
4 Nov 2009 | 7:53 amI have no idea who Ken Hill is, except that he is an adult domestic adoptee who is looking for his biological parents. He writes: -Searching for biological parents -Male Adoptee: -Born May 2nd, 1970 at Virginia Mason in Seattle. -Weighed 4lbs, 9oz -Father was Senior in High School, ASB President, skilled in logic and debate. -Mother was Junior in High [...] -
Yellow Trees
3 Nov 2009 | 8:53 pmI remember a time when I was in college and LB was visiting me, and we were walking across the campus on the kind of fall day that I can only describe as a gift. Not too cool, not too warm; the leaves on the trees popping with color to the point where I felt [...] -
It’s At Times Like This
2 Nov 2009 | 8:42 pm… that I wish I prayed. Sending peace and warm thoughts tonight to a friend who needs them more than I do. <3 <3 <3 Posted in Uncategorized -
NOT Every Day
1 Nov 2009 | 11:42 amSince I think I’m averaging about a post a month here these days, I am certainly not going to post every day during the month of November. (We can just call it NO-Na-Blo-Po-Mo.) But I do want to try and post more, however mundane or trite or non-adoption related (or short) it might be. Some of [...]
-
I Should Really Be Working....
-
Something To Think About While I’m Gone
29 Oct 2009 | 9:18 amWell folks, I’m off on my long awaited vacation today! So there won’t be any updates here, as I don’t intend to be anywhere near a computer for the next week and a half (well, except to maybe shoot off a quick email to my Mom so that she knows I’m alive and to Long Board who has requested a similar “I’m alive” udpate so he doesn’t worry – huh? – I’m not used to this, but I could get used to it!) Anyway, I thought I’d give y’all something to think about for me while I’m gone. And, sicne they’re fun, a… -
Being Me – or – Friends and Family Weigh In
28 Oct 2009 | 4:16 pmI’ve said it many times – just about every time I’ve got a visit coming up or when I’ve just had a visit or when I’m thinking about emailing Dee. I struggle to find “me” in our interactions sometimes. I’m much better at doing this when Cupcake and I have our little alone moments – no one watching, judging, observing my every move. No one potentially making decisions based on my behavior, movements, words. It’s nice to give Cupcake the real me. And I want so very badly to give that to Dee….and I get closer every time we have a… -
Learning to Say No
26 Oct 2009 | 2:27 pmAround the time of my last visit with Cupcake, I was dangerously close to having to cancel the visit. I was stressed out, worried, and afraid of the ramifications. In the end, things worked out. I had a wonderful visit with my daughter and was able to fulfill all of my familial obligations. But I have to recognize that it won’t always be that way. I can’t always do everything, be everything to everyone. I need to be able to stand firm and draw the line in the sand. And now is the time for that line. Because Dee and I have two tentative dates floating around for a possible visit. -
Adoption Free Friday: Two Birds, One Stone
23 Oct 2009 | 4:45 pmI found a new apartment AND *wait for it* it comes with a new bed and mattress! I am freaking out excited. Once Husker dropped the bomb that he would be moving in with his girlfriend I was completely taken by surprise and was immediately thrust into emergency planning mode. I had very little time to figure something out, so I headed to the land where roommates (and the occasional serial killers) are found and spent hours scouring Craigslist. I was really just looking for examples of other people’s posts so that I could find the *perfect* way to describe my current apartment. The… -
OA Roundtable #8: Crazy for Coco-Posts
22 Oct 2009 | 11:50 amHeather @ PNR has posted the most recent addition to the OA Roundtable (we’re on eight of them already!!!) so I’ll try to post my most recent addition! (Older contributions to OART found here). This week’s prompt: Write about a blogger (or bloggers) who influenced your real-life open adoption, and how. It might be someone who became an offline friend who supports and challenges you. Or a writer from a different perspective who makes you uncomfortable, but gets you thinking. Maybe a blogger who doesn’t even know you are reading. Tell us about them and how they’ve…
-
American Family
-
In-laws Greatest Hits
6 Nov 2009 | 6:28 amI am still working on the answers to the questions the commenters left for me, but today I am going to take a brief break to send some support to a Sister in the Struggle. The struggle with difficult in-laws that is. I don’t write about MIL so much any more because we have come to [...] -
More kids for us?
5 Nov 2009 | 9:10 amViolet asks: What did Mr A say about the little boy you found on the waiting child list recently? I can’t believe I didn’t blog this. When I found that picture, it was about 30 minutes after Mr. A’s flight to Wisconsin took off. Before he landed for his layover in Detroit, I had left him three [...] -
Survey
5 Nov 2009 | 6:05 amThis doesn’t count as my post for today, but I have a burning question and I would like some feedback. Here it is: Is a 7 year-old old enough to go away to sleep-away summer camp for one week? Where I came from, summer camp was not something people did (except for sports camps in high school), [...] -
Books & pop culture & Toys
4 Nov 2009 | 9:59 amI am going to combine my answer to a couple different questions about books. Thankfully, these were not too difficult to answer because while I was writing L decided to have a 45 minute tantrum to prove that she IS NOT TIRED. I am so very convince now that she doesn’t need a nap. Melissa [...] -
Culture, food, clothes and TV.
2 Nov 2009 | 9:11 pmOnward we march… Kate (whose mother-in-law also sounds like a piece of work) asks: Also, are you planning on visiting China with M and L anytime soon? Besides Chinese school and tutoring, is there anything else you’re doing to expose your kids to Chinese culture? YES! We are planning a trip! We don’t have an exact date, but [...]
-
The Adoptee Rights Demonstration
-
Graphics and Widget updated
16 Oct 2009 | 7:46 pmWe’ve updated our graphics page with the new logo for 2010. If you’re currently hosting our logo on your blog or website, please change the code to the new version. Our new widget contains our feeds from Twitter, Flickr, YouTube and the AdopteeRights.net blog, and can be resized and customized to fit your site. Please take [...] -
Louisville Adoptee Rights Protest site online!
6 Oct 2009 | 11:20 amAdoptee Rights Demonstration 11 am July 25, 2010 Louisville, KY We are happy to announce the new site for Louisville is online at http://AdopteeRightsLouisville.blogspot.com Please update your bookmarks and links. The ‘Demonstration Information’ pages at this site have been updated as well. Please take a moment to look over the site, and… Registration is open! If you’re planning on coming to Louisville, [...] -
Adoptee Rights Booth at the NCSL Summit
23 Aug 2009 | 7:33 amAs we continue to pull-together and disseminate contacts and information collected at The Adoptee Rights Coalition booth, we would like to provide a synopsis of this year’s participation at the National Conference of State Legislatures’ (NCSL) Annual Summit. Thanks to the generosity of our donors and the artistic skills of Dory Martin, the booth was constant [...] -
Video footage from Philly
15 Aug 2009 | 2:57 pmFilmmaker Scott Hancock has graciously shared some of his footage from the Philadelphia Adoptee Rights Demonstration up on YouTube: Thank you Scott! -
Pictures, pictures, everywhere
24 Jul 2009 | 6:05 pmFrom the hotel to the park, from both outside and inside the convention center, there were no lack of cameras in beautiful Philadelphia last week, as evidenced by the ever growing collections of photos being posted online. There are collections on multiple Facebook profiles, as well as the Philadelphia Adoptee Rights Demonstration fanpage. There are pictures on [...]
-
BastardGrannyAnnie
-
Black Market, 1945 Illinois Adoption Act & Sealed Records
3 Nov 2009 | 9:27 amILLINOIS: A BLACK MARKET HAVENWhen Jacob Kepecs, executive director of the Chicago Jewish Children's Bureau was asked why that agency placed only 12 children for adoption in 1944, he replied: “We don't have them to place. The black market gets them.”Up until 1945, the Illinois Adoption Act was woefully weak and unregulated. Back then, any person at all could “facilitate” an adoption: an attorney, a doctor, a social worker, a taxi driver, a midwife, a judge, a nurse, your next door neighbor - it didn’t matter. If you knew of a baby who needed to be adopted out, you could just go… -
Adoptees & the "Birther" movement
12 Aug 2009 | 6:41 pmI wrote this letter to the editor in reply to an Op/Ed piece in the Chicago Tribune about the "birthers" movement. They"birthers" are the kooks who think President Obama cannot be president because he doesn’t have a “proper birth certificate.”Don’t worry, all you vigilant “birthers.” I can assure you that President Obama’s credentials are as good as gold. Here’s why. He has a United States of America passport.We adoptees are intimately acquainted with getting a passport. Our original birth certificates were ordered impounded and sealed in perpetuity on the day our adoption was… -
6 Aug 2009 | 12:47 pm
6 Aug 2009 | 12:47 pmWHAT HAS HAPPENED TO FREEDOM OF SPEECH?When’s the last time you heard…?“Adoptee groups must never publically criticize the actions of another adoptee organization – it is bad for the total adoption reform movement.”“Adoptees must stick together.”“If we don’t support each other, no one else will.”“You mustn’t poke your nose into a state in which you don’t live because you don’t understand what is right and wrong, good or bad, for that particular state.”How tired I am of hearing these excuses whenever I publically disagree with a bill or a position or an event held… -
30 Jul 2009 | 9:51 am
30 Jul 2009 | 9:51 am"2009: Year of the Velcro": ReduxI wrote the blog, "2009: Year of the Velcro" because I was concerned about all the deformers we were seeing year after year. My entire blog was aimed directly at the deformers: their actions, motives, their actions, and the consequences of their strategies. It was not a blog to analyze any one state's bill. Nor was it a blog that was comparing bills, state by state, and rating them or ranking them in any way. This blog was all about deformers.Someone called my attention to the fact that I put California onto the wrong list - I said they had a good bill and… -
YOUR GOAL IS NOT MY GOAL
26 Jul 2009 | 12:07 pmThere has been criticism in various blog and comments concerning the Philly- ARD march. Adoptees have been taken to task for writing statements not friendly to the Philly march. We have been chastised for not being in attendance. It’s been said that we are not loyal to our fellow brother and sister adoptees.But the reason is so simple. It’s so basic! YOUR GOAL IS NOT MY GOAL. Why on earth would I march in any protest when my ideas of an adoptee equal rights bill do not agree with your ideas?!. Do you think that I should support your protest march or other events just because I am an…
-
Harlow's Monkey
-
"Gotcha" day to a birth mother
4 Nov 2009 | 3:35 pmFrom Jane's post on the Conducive siteLee Pil-rye, Trenka's "birthmother" November is National Adoption Month. What would such a celebration of adoption, whether in the U.S. or another country, mean to my Korean birthmother? At the time my mother became a “birthmother,” I was six months old, and my sister was four years old. Because she passed away about nine years ago, I will take the liberty of imagining what she might say about the meaning of adoption in her life, if she could read other people’s blogs in English, and if she could blog back.Please read the rest of… -
Korean adoptee winner in "secret identities" superhero contest
27 Oct 2009 | 5:21 amAccording to Angry Asian Man, fellow Korean adoptee and activist Juli Martin, blogger at Grinding Up Stones (and fellow knitter) is the winner of the Secret Identities superhero contest for her entry Hush.Juli's description of her superhero:Abandoned as a newborn, Jane was adopted from Korea by a wealthy white couple at four months. After unexpectedly having two biological children, Jane's adoptive parents feel they have no use for her, and when she comes out as bisexual at age 13, they kick her out. She is shuffled through the foster care system until aging out, at which point she… -
Hague Convention - double standard?
14 Oct 2009 | 7:05 pmAlthough I don't have time to write an in-depth analysis or critique, I wanted to post a link to this investigative report in my local newspaper. My only comment really is that once again this is really about adoptive parents being victimized. The articles have the tone of "buyer beware" and completely lack any real discussion of the true victims in all of this, the babies and children who are pawns between families who want to adopt and the unscrupulous people unethically procuring children for these families.Part 1 was unavailable until today, and here is part 2.Part 1:… -
Break
10 Oct 2009 | 7:23 amI woke up to snow this morning, way too early in the year for snow!!Somehow I've managed to keep up with the blog, thanks to the nifty technology of typepad's scheduling feature. Anyway, things at school and home are ramping up and that coincides conveniently with my adoption-related burnout, so I will be taking a little break here, not a forever one, but my postings will probably be few and far between for a little while. -
Article about Korean "export" of babies
9 Oct 2009 | 9:33 amThis article just came to my attention. It's from the Seoul Journal, and published in today's New York Times (kind of a companion piece to yesterday's piece on the stigma of single mothers in Koea). Babies for Export: And Now the Painful Questions I have some critique of this article, including that the facts seem wrong. Six thousand Korean children a year - given up for adoption by unwed mothers or abandoned by their parents - are adopted by American families alone. 6,000 adoptions to America a year is not factually correct, and hasn't been since the 1980s.
-
Peter's Cross Station
-
Tweet
2 Nov 2009 | 6:41 pmI've been forcing myself to use Twitter (yes, Tweetdeck has helped a lot, thank you). I won't say I love it, but I'm coming to terms with it.So follow me (lilysea). And tell me who you are so I can follow you, okay? -
Darts in the Dark and Bullet Points and Completely Random Snippets of Prose
2 Nov 2009 | 10:59 amI now have five outstanding agency queries.I have about 150 pages of a sequel.I have so completely revised the first section of the first book that it's practically unrecognizable (in a good way) from the earlier drafts.I have contracted whatever the rest of the family has--but so far in a much milder form (knock wood!). Thank you, flu shot.Finally, I just really, really need to share this paragraph with you, because I wrote it two weeks ago and it still plays over and over in my head because I am just so delighted with it:Sophia Abington had always known she would never marry. She… -
That's Funny
29 Oct 2009 | 12:44 pmI still didn't say anything about process below, did I?But that's the thing that's got me kind of intrigued with Book #2.I wrote Book #1 according to an outline: Part One, Part Two Part Three. Beginning, Middle, End. But Book #2 hasn't been like that. I did write a beginning. Then I sort of mapped out the rest of it (not an outline, more a big, narrative mess, but in order of events).But I found that the scenes that were popping up for me to write on any given day were not popping up in order. Its been happening in this rather random, weird way. I know the plot… -
Some Writing about Writing
29 Oct 2009 | 9:53 amNever thought I'd be one to write about writing.I have written nonfiction for so long that I don't much think about it in terms of process anymore. I have a strong and opinionated internal editor that is fairly ruthless and confident. Whether I'm editing my own writing or someone else's I always just feel certain that I am making it right. (Poor blog reader, you may not see evidence of this--especially since life got so busy here--I have been publishing a lot of stream-of-consciousness in recent months. Otherwise, the blog would just die away. I trust you prefer… -
Identification and Identity
20 Oct 2009 | 8:50 amWhen we were in our pre-adoption stage (pre-Nat), we had to take an extraordinarily silly--maybe even harmful--course via telephone conference that was supposed to teach white people about parenting children of color (it was mostly white parents/Black children, but there were a few other race mixes too). but its silliness and possible harmfulness aside, I remember one of the women in the course telling us about something that was distressing her, that had prompted her to take the course voluntarily, as she was already raising two Black children. What she said had upset her was that her…
-
Adopt This!
-
Oh Wow! They Want to Hear From My Kids!
2 Nov 2009 | 5:27 pmI’ve got a great story! This summer, my boys and I were visiting my hometown. My younger child who is four had never been to my hometown, my older had last been there at age 3. So as we were driving, I was giving a running commentary on the town which is truly, a quintessential mid-western small town. As we were going over the one overpass in town (constructed when I was five) I pointed to the hospital across the way. Oh hey guys! There’s the town hospital. It is then that my 4-year-old pipes in, “Is that the hospital where Grandma left you when you were a baby,… -
For the Last Time
1 Nov 2009 | 5:19 pmAdoptees are not grown in their adoptive parents’ hearts. I know it sounds cute. It sounds pretty. It sounds right. But it is all kinds of wrong. It is offensive to me as an adult adoptee because it negates my entire first family. It negates a huge part of who I am and where I came from. It is dismissive. And most importantly, this phrase negates my birth. It negates my very existence. I hates it I tell you! It is offensive to children for even more important reasons. First, it negates their normalcy as members of the human race. To tell a child they were grown… -
Adoptees Who Kiss Aparent Ass
19 Oct 2009 | 5:21 pmI feel sorry for them. And I think it is manipulative. And I feel sorry for them. The same way I feel sorry to the firstmothers I see hanging out on Adoption Forums kissing AP ass and telling adoptees to shut up and be grateful. It’s kind of gross. As for me, I am not a child. I get plenty of validation in my life. I don’t need to kiss anyone’s ass. I’m no spring chicken. The closer I get to 40, the more I realize how much I don’t need anyone’s validation but my own. It feels good. IRL, I am arguing with a colleague at the moment. Seriously. … -
Animals and People
14 Oct 2009 | 10:49 pmI see that on other blogs human adoption is being compared to animal adoption. That adoption is natural after all because some animals will take in orphaned animals. Yeah, whatever and other animals will eat them. I have always had issues with this. I don’t like or appreciate the comparison. I am not a cat. Or a dog. Or a rabbit. That is insulting, you know? Not that I have a problem with cats and dogs and rabbits…but..you know, I am not one of those. I’m a person And even when I was a little baby, I was a person. Sometimes, I think people forget that. And you… -
Brain Washed PAP’s??
3 Oct 2009 | 9:05 pmSheesh. Are all potential adoptive parents so desperate for a kid that they lose IQ points? This is what gets me. So there is this one PAP, her name is Emily the Hopeless and boy is she a piece of work. Apparently, she hates kids. Hates them. And yet, she wants to adopt because due to medical this and that, she can’t have her own. She’s tried…lord knows she’s tried. So now she’s ready to adopt. But she hates other people’s kids. I’m telling my amom about this and seriously, the first thing my amom says is “Well what does she think…
-
Welcome to my Brain
-
My thoughts on "The Gay's" adopting and marrying
6 Nov 2009 | 3:34 amThought I'd follow up on my recent post. As you can imagine, I've received a gazillion few emails. Most are referring to insurance, but I'll hit on the HOMOsapiens today. Before I start, let me say... [[ this is only a blurb - get your butt over to my site for the rest of it - www.welcometomybrain.net ]] -
If you build it ...
5 Nov 2009 | 4:32 pmBuild-a-Salad night. My kids love it. I just keep it bright and fun. baby spinach black beans corn shredded carrots sunflower seeds Doesn't hurt that their parents push them out of the way... [[ this is only a blurb - get your butt over to my site for the rest of it - www.welcometomybrain.net ]] -
A few questions
4 Nov 2009 | 1:42 pmHow is it this girl can be refused health care coverage ... because of the medications she takes ... to help her with her disorders? How is it they will ONLY cover her once she has been off those... [[ this is only a blurb - get your butt over to my site for the rest of it - www.welcometomybrain.net ]] -
Magical Milk Pic-o-the-Week
3 Nov 2009 | 4:39 am(photo by my favorite Kristen at Rage Against the Minivan as well as Mama Manifesto) [[ this is only a blurb - get your butt over to my site for the rest of it - www.welcometomybrain.net ]] -
Yelling. is. not. okay.
2 Nov 2009 | 11:27 amThere is quite a trend in parenting these days. It's the thought that yelling is a perfectly acceptable form of correction and/or redirection ... perhaps even necessary. I'm a reformed yeller. I... [[ this is only a blurb - get your butt over to my site for the rest of it - www.welcometomybrain.net ]]
-
Away To Me
-
Some of my proudest 72 hours ever!
5 Nov 2009 | 2:54 pmFor the past three days I have not raised my voice or yelled at Jake. I know to some of you that sounds like no big deal. But lately I've become a yelling mom. I never wanted to be a... -
Hey Asshat
4 Nov 2009 | 11:37 amWhen I post a thread on a community forum regarding my concerns about Nathan's sleep pattern, please don't minimize my concerns. I posted there looking for help, similar stories, solutions, support, etc. Also, please read the original post that covers... -
Well babies.
3 Nov 2009 | 4:00 pmTook Nathan and Wesley to the pediatrician for a well baby check up. I've decided to hold off on vaccinations for the time being. Mostly the visit was for my issues with Nathan. His non sleeping. I needed to rule... -
Under achiver
2 Nov 2009 | 5:48 amThis whole NOBLOPA or whatever it that everyone is doing. I guess you blog every day of the month of November. Me, I'm waiting till February, a short month. I'm an under achiever. In other news, I suck. I suck... -
Vampire Babies - Part 1
30 Oct 2009 | 3:07 pmMore photos to follow tomorrow.
-
A Birth Project
-
AFAAD Board Members on BlogTalk Radio!
4 Nov 2009 | 7:27 amCheck out AFAAD board members Connie Galambos Malloy, Lisa D. Walker and ME on Wandaspicks.com blogtalk radio RIGHT NOW!! http://www.blogtalkradio.com/Wandas-Picks Posted in In the News, Transracial Adoption Tagged: adult adoptees, African adoptee, black adoptee, Transracial Adoption -
Cambodian Assembly debates adoptions
27 Oct 2009 | 10:03 amNew law will fill legal void on foreign adoptions and help fight child trafficking. Friday, 23 October 2009 Meas Sokchea from The Phnom Penh Post A new draft law, part of which was passed today, will mean tougher regulations for adoptive parents. THE National Assembly has begun approving a draft law tightening restrictions on the adoption of Cambodian children by foreign parents, responding to fears the previous lack of a regulatory framework allowed for the exploitation and trafficking of children. “This law is an important part of the Royal Government’s enforcement policy on… -
My First Frittata
19 Oct 2009 | 2:07 pmMy FIRST frittata!! without parmesan on top, fresh out the oven. Red potato, mushroom, onion, garlic, red chili, red bell, eggs and rosemary. (salt, pepper, cayenne & thyme) with parmesan on top. yum. Posted in Foodie, Good Stuff Tagged: Foodie, frittata, yum -
2nd Annual AFAAD Gathering Nov 6-8, 2009!
9 Sep 2009 | 2:23 pmYay! Time again for another Gathering of adoptees and foster care alumni! I’m so excited to be working towards another event that brings us together. Check out the info below and please pass on to your networks, other adoptees and foster care alumni that you know and if you are a supporter – PLEASE SPONSOR or DONATE!!! Full information is on the AFAAD WEBSITE HERE. For Immediate Release (to be included in your newsletters and calendars) What: 2nd Annual Gathering for Adoptees and Foster Care Alumni of African Descent: Growing and Creating Together: Organizing Across Differences… -
TRANSRACIAL ADOPTION Some Visions I Have Seen…
1 Sep 2009 | 10:38 amCheck out this article written by AFAAD MN member writer Shannon Gibney! TRANSRACIAL ADOPTION Some Visions I Have Seen… “What would the world look like if every parent – regardless of class, race, culture, or gender – had the opportunity to raise her own child? How would various communities of color look and function if adults had enough education, training, and opportunity to ensure that when and if a family did encounter challenges, the local community could step in and care for the children in the least intrusive, most culturally-sensitive manner? What if families had every…
-
Vindauga
-
Take some dramamine
6 Nov 2009 | 10:51 pmIf you get motion sickness, you might want to think twice about seeing Paranormal Activity. Lots of hand-held camera set Mal's stomach astray. Poor kid. However, Bert and I thought it was a pretty fun movie. No gore, just suspense. My kind of scary movie. -
Holy Moly
5 Nov 2009 | 9:41 pmI almost went to bed without posting. Let's direct your attention to something worthy of reading. Eden Kennedy has always been one of my favorite bloggers. She is such a great storyteller. And I like her dogs. Read this. See you tomorrow. -
The Weirdness
4 Nov 2009 | 2:58 pmOkay, this is the weird thing. The night Bert was sitting on the phone, talking to his boss, learning he was going to lose his job, I quietly said a little cheer because he would then get to see Lin play basketball the next week. Yeah, our lives are going to hell in a hand basket, but I'm thinking of the freedom. He has been super busy the last 10 days. Looking for work, doing some part-time work for my boss, catching up on little stuff in our life, looking at grad school. However, he has also volunteered in Mason's classroom, driven to soccer practice, and picked kids up from… -
Private Conversations
3 Nov 2009 | 6:20 pmToday I had the chance to have three of those "big" conversations. Lin is studying the human body and health this year. She started talking about HIV and AIDS, and was surprisingly well informed for an 11 year-old. I told her all about my best friends who died of AIDS and the impact their death head on my life and how ignorant the world was in 1986. She was stunned. She is still shocked to hear about discrimination and prejudice. At dinner Mason asked about his birth. I gave a brief explanation of C-sections and thought we were done. Then he asked about when the girls came out of my… -
NaBloPoMo
2 Nov 2009 | 6:56 pmOh hell, you know me. I've done this the last three or four years. Which in blogging years, means I'm 112. I don't know if I'll keep this up. Maybe tomorrow you'll see a post that echoes Kramer in the Master of My Domain skit and I'll say "I'm out!" I know I'm a downer lately, so here are some good things for today. Bert found a very part-time (10 hours a week) job to supplement unemployment. One of my children's first families offered to buy my kids a very nice family gift for Christmas so the holidays wouldn't seem so sparse. Our…
-
Seriously?
-
Liar
27 Oct 2009 | 11:16 amExcept he refuses to back the soldiers to the hilt like he says he is. The budget is not passed or even being worked on so the military is out of money and delaying routine maintenance which could have very well been part of why a blackhawk went down last week.Not to mention it has been TEN WEEKS since McChrystal asked for more troops. And Obama has played more golf than Bush played in his entire eight years in office. Not to mention that he has a big huge party every Wednesday night courtesy of taxpayers.What a disgusting excuse for a president.And I guarantee it is all intentional. The… -
Holy Crap
31 Jul 2009 | 6:52 pm -
A giveaway!
22 Jun 2009 | 9:22 amI'm doing a giveaway on the other blog -
done for good now
11 Feb 2009 | 8:41 amI have to be done. The ignorance is just to much. I don't want to jeopardize my husbands career.
-
this woman's work
-
Should parents push openness in international adoptions?
6 Nov 2009 | 1:27 pmSkila and Tatjana both asked about openness in international adoptions in regards to my Roundtable post. Specifically, should adoptive parents push for openness? Tatjana said: This is very much the predominant point of view re searching for birth families of internationally adopted children here in NL due to *very vocal* adult adoptees who fight for adopters to leave this up to their children. I’m very sceptical but very alone with my view … Most adopters seem very impressed by the adult adoptee stories. Skila added: I struggle with this because on a personal level all three of our… -
The fateful pork chop
5 Nov 2009 | 12:53 pm(Click to make bigger — that’s Pennie’s dad at the head there. Note Madison’s stuffed to the limit cheeks!!!!) this woman's work, 2009. | Permalink | 6 comments so far | Come on by and comment! Possibly related posts Visit decompressing (19) My gleeful girl (5) Adoption Carnival III: Fave Pics of Adoption (8) Zowie! (0) You knew I’d have to blog it (0) -
Open Adoption Roundtable #9
5 Nov 2009 | 10:07 amOpen Adoption Roundtable #9 This round we’re going to consider one critique of fully open adoptions. Have you ever heard–or perhaps even made–statements like these? “We have medical histories and can share the information we have about their birth parents with our children now. If they feel a need to initiate contact with their birth families when they are adults, we will fully support them.” “The decision to have a relationship with her bio family should be hers when she is ready. Creating a relationship between them before she wants it might cause issues… -
Evaluating our grocery budget again
4 Nov 2009 | 8:49 amI’m making banana waffles for the kids right now and clearing out my work inbox at the same time. (That’s why waffles are nicer than pancakes when you’re multitasking — more downtime between waffle rounds.) Our kitchen is well-stocked even though we’re only a few days away from the end of our fortnightly grocery trips. Before we joined Costo I went all around the web to read up from the more frugal than I. There are definitely downsides to Costco starting with the fifty buck join fee. Also everything comes in size extra extra large huge so you have to have… -
Oh and one more thing
3 Nov 2009 | 6:31 pmAnother tooth down! Click for full gorgeousness!! this woman's work, 2009. | Permalink | One comment so far | Come on by and comment! Possibly related posts Yunatics (0) You’re a good bunch of readers! (8) You win (8) You guys post a lot (12) Yet more linkage! (11)
-
Voices for Vietnam Adoption Integrity
-
Helping Hands defends its role in Vietnam Adoptions
26 Oct 2009 | 9:40 amSharon O’Driscoll, chief executive of Helping Hands in Ireland, this week defended her agencies use of funds and the process by which monies are distributed in Vietnam. According to the article, Parents who have adopted from Vietnam in recent years paid $11,100 (€7,400) to Helping Hands. Of that, $9,000 was paid as ‘‘humanitarian aid’’ to regional authorities [...] -
Dept. of State Posts New VN Adoption Notice
23 Oct 2009 | 9:53 am“Nearly all cases for which an official referral was issued before September 1, 2008, have now been processed to completion.” So says the U.S. Department of State in a new Adoption Notice posted today on the Office of Children’s Issues Vietnam adoption page. The Notice goes on to say that under no circumstances should any [...] -
Guilty Verdicts in Nam Dinh Case
28 Sep 2009 | 10:06 amThan Nien News reports that all sixteen defendants in the adoption corruption case in Nam Dinh province have been found guilty. Six were sentenced to jail sentences of two and a half to four years. The six were found guilty of “abuse of power in public duty,” said Nguyen Tien Hung, vice-president of the [...] -
16 On Trial For Falsifying Paperwork in Nam Dinh
22 Sep 2009 | 6:31 amThe Earth Times reports, Sixteen Vietnamese medical and charity workers went on trial Tuesday for committing fraud in 266 adoptions of local children by foreign parents. The accused allegedly took money from adoption agencies to create fake documents enabling foreigners to adopt the children, said Ngo Tien Hung, vice president of the People’s Court in the [...] -
Adoptions from Vietnam may not be recognised, says board
21 Sep 2009 | 8:47 amFrom the Irish Times: The Adoption Board has warned prospective adoptive parents that any planned foreign adoptions from Vietnam have no special status here and may not be recognised under Irish law. The board sent out the notice last week, warning prospective adopters that any application to adopt from Vietnam would be examined to ensure it complied [...]
-
Upside-Down Adoption
-
I Have a Sneaking Suspicion About Our Adoption Subsidy
5 Nov 2009 | 1:56 pmI hesitated to blog about this for a long time, because it might be possible to ascertain Sunny's home state from this information. However, I think it's worth the risk. Last month, we got a letter from Sunny's home state. It started talking about the state's budget woes, which we are well aware of. If it wasn't for their budget crisis, BB would probably be with us now. The letter asked us to accept a cut in our monthly adoption subsidy. Since interstate general adoptions involve a supposedly ironclad contract when it comes to this subsidy -- as long as we are taking care of Sunny, we… -
I Have a Sneaking Suspicion About Our Therapist
30 Oct 2009 | 7:53 pmWell, this sucks. I couldn't go to therapy today due to my work schedule, but I'd talked extensively to Guy about what we should bring up in today's session. The main points were: 1) our weekend trip to Sunny's home state, which is sure to stir up some strong emotions 2) recurrence of his chainsaw nightmare 3) the way his fits have lately seemed like he's just going through the motions and isn't really feeling them (he had one this week). Guy and Sunny showed up on time. The therapist was 5 minutes late. He said he was locked out of his office, so he led them into the file storage room for… -
BB Timeline Update
30 Oct 2009 | 7:11 amI've been talking to BB's caseworker for a while. I have a very tentative timeline. First comes the official matching, which will happen very soon. Perhaps next week. I need to submit a letter requesting a subsidy. The subsidy is going to be a LOT lower than Sunny's, due to budget constraints. I'm just hoping for anything better than zero dollars a month. I don't care about the subsidy as much as I care about making 100% sure we get Medicaid for BB. The actual cross-state investigation/paperwork process is going to take many months. How many? It took five months for Sunny. Add in a month for… -
Weekend Update with Gun Violence Q&A
25 Oct 2009 | 7:09 pmI'm closing the weekend on a down note, although it has mostly gone well. Sunny's behavior has been pretty good. He had two rewards he was working hard towards. The first was going to see Astro Boy; I promised I would take him as long as he didn't have a fit or major snit. The second was a candy bar, which he could get if he won the "anger management game". This is just a simple point system where we get a point if he loses his temper and yells or backtalks, and gets a point if we tell him "no" and he doesn't lose his temper. We spent the whole day together, since Guy was off on a day trip. -
Link Post: The Many Ways that Asian Adoptees are Vulnerable
23 Oct 2009 | 11:25 amThis is so sad. But these are such important stories to hear. I'll let the links and quotes speak for themselves. From girl4708: Screening for Woody Allen Today I’ve got no insights, revelations, or provocations. Today I am merely asking questions. The question I mainly want to ask is: How do we screen out Woody Allen? There are a few of us molested Korean adoptees who have come out of the shadows to speak about the traumatic consequences of latent yellow fever combined with the ability to adopt yellow. Do these men KNOW they have yellow fever when they adopt? Is that why they choose Asian…
-
Third Mom
-
Signs and wonders
5 Nov 2009 | 2:02 amI read something recently on an adoptive parent's blog that's been keeping the wheels turning this week.I'm not going to link to the blog in question unless permission is granted (if you figure out who you are, please leave a comment or send an email, and I'll add the link) because my goal in this post isn't to create more discord, it's simply to voice a few more thoughts about the discussion I read there.The blogger is clearly devoted to her Christian faith, and therefore attracts others of like mind. The post I read linked to several others on the subject of adoption and Christianity,… -
National Adoption Awareness Month: Cause for celebration?
2 Nov 2009 | 5:26 amIt’s National Adoption Awareness Month - as if you haven’t been bombarded from every direction with announcements, events, celebrations, fundraisers and on and on and on. I wonder sometimes if my kids are asked about adoption more in November than other times of the year, but I suppose this is one of those things that we who live much of our lives in the adoption world are more tuned into than the average person. They've never mentioned it, so I suspect they're not even aware it exists.I'm not interested in all the hype surrounding November's adoption focus - I wish instead that we could… -
God adopted us, so adoption is good - right?
28 Oct 2009 | 1:58 pmWith thanks to osolomama and Mirjam via email for the heads up, I’ve been chewing on this recently. I know many of you have been talking about it, too.I’m not sure what it is about the kind of religious fervor I see in this post that disturbs me so much. The self-righteousness? The inflexibility? The narrow definition of Christianity (which is often so theologically incorrect as to no longer be in Christ’s ballpark)? The certainty that anyone who disagrees must be Godless, hate-filled and worthy of this much-better-Christian’s prayers?All of the above and undoubtedly more. I'm a… -
More thoughts about FACE legislation
27 Oct 2009 | 4:58 amA commenter on my post yesterday about FACE legislation sparked these thoughts, which I should have included in that post in the first place.Before I share my reasons for opposing this legislation, I recommend that everyone go out and read all of the following:US Department of State: Child Citizenship Act of 2000EACH's supporting point of viewEthica's opposing point of viewHolt's opposing point of viewS. 1359 (introduced by Senators Landrieu and Inhofe)H.R. 3110 (introduced by Representatives Watson and Boozman)I want you to see this from a couple of different angles, including the language… -
Holt Action Alert: Oppose FACE Legislation
26 Oct 2009 | 1:47 pmBack in July, I passed on some important information from Ethica about pending legislation that will affect intercountry adoption. Holt International has begun an action alert to encourage those who oppose this legislation to make our opinions known by encouraging our legislators to oppose the proposed bill.If you, too, are concerned about the negative impacts of FACE legislation on the adoption process, as well as its potential negative consequences for adoptees, please visit the Holt action alert page now. In addition to a clear explanation of Holt's concerns with this legislation, you will…
-
Heart, Mind and Seoul
-
The Dreams in Adoption
4 Nov 2009 | 12:03 pmRecently my kids and I were having a discussion about possible job/career choices they thought they might enjoy in the future. Artist, soldier, basketball player, veterinarian, police officer, restaurant server, teacher, custodian and cyclist were amongst their dream vocations. More interesting than hearing their selections was listening to the rationale behind each one. It made me happy to know that their choices truly reflected the interests and hobbies for which they have the most passion. After talking about why or why not they think it's important to enjoy what they do,… -
Halloween Angst
30 Oct 2009 | 9:45 amPresumably like most other homes in this country with young children in its residence, there has been a steady and ever increasing excitement percolating throughout our walls in anticipation for tomorrow's holiday. Candy! Classroom parties! Candy! Costumes! Goody bags filled with edible, plastic and even monetary treats from grandparents! Candy! Carving pumpkins! Corn mazes! Oh, and I did I mention the candy? I never LOVED Halloween, but I didn't dread or despise it either. As a kid who never had regular access to sweets, I saw it more as an… -
Protecting My Environment
29 Oct 2009 | 6:47 pmWho among us hasn't been - at one time or another - on the receiving end of someone else's constant criticisms, put-downs and insinuations that left us feeling that no matter what we did and no matter how hard we tried, that in their eyes, we still came up short. The kind of person who has you thinking that even if heaven and earth could be moved in their honor, it still would not be enough. In both my professional and personal lives, I have encountered this type of person and I'm willing to bet you have as well. And truthfully, I know that in certain situations… -
For The Right Reasons
28 Oct 2009 | 8:37 pmSeveral years ago, one of my best girlfriends asked me how long I thought she should continue to date her (then) boyfriend. She liked him well enough, but she just wasn't 100% sure if he was "the one". Given the history with this particular friend, I knew I could afford to be as honest and forthcoming as possible and that she would want and expect nothing less. Without missing a beat, I responded to her inquiry by asking her a few questions of my own: "Is he bringing out the best in you? Do you feel like a better person and more like yourself when you're… -
Unwanted Until Proven Good Enough To Have
21 Jul 2009 | 8:56 pmA conversation I had a few days ago with one of my daughter's friends reminded me how far we still have to go in deconstructing the negative association that so many people have about kids who are adopted. The recent conversation with this particular 10 year-old boy pretty much mirrored the several dozen other discussions I've had with children about adoption. Sure, there is always a little variation on the words and how things are phrased, but the overall message is essentially the same. First - a little background about the impetus of this particular conversation,…
-
Just Enjoy Him
-
a favorite adoption photo
31 Oct 2009 | 4:52 pm3/22/2002 — the day we adopted Nate. Hands Originally uploaded by Mom2One You might think that I’d pick the photo of the first time that I held Energy Boy — and that is one of my favorite photos. Or you might think I’d pick a favorite first picture of EB and his dad together, and there is one that’s especially sweet to me. But when I thought about what adoption really means, this photo came to mind. It’s such a simple photo — you can’t even really see EB. This is March 22, 2002, the day that we traveled to Ha Tinh, Vietnam to adopt him. It was a… -
the white noise of our lives
30 Oct 2009 | 5:57 amAdoption is a part of our lives, always. You really only have to look at our family to see that — Caucasian mom and dad, Asian son. Even with those physical differences, I’ve had people over the years ask me if we were going to tell Energy Boy if he was adopted. “Yes, of course,” I’d say. For even if he looked very much like us, it’s a fact of his life that isn’t something that’s shameful and that he deserves to know. It’s part of what makes him him. It’s a part of our lives, but it doesn’t take center stage all the time, as I… -
give me the adoption parenting issues . . . .
24 Oct 2009 | 3:40 pmbecause at least I know how to answer those, and the ones that don’t have answers for them — well, I know about those too. I know about letting my child feel his sadness and being a witness to his sadness and being here for him. Bring me the controversy, bring me people from wherever, whenever, telling me I’m WRONG, that I can’t possibly be a good person for having adopted this child away from his birth family and birth home, no matter the circumstances. Give me something I can hang onto, something I can latch onto, give me the Adopter, call me something derisive, call… -
my surgery and the beginning of recuperation
15 Oct 2009 | 1:40 pmWell, the women I’ve talked to who have had breast reconstruction surgery after a mastectomy have all said that this surgery is hard (no matter which kind they’ve had, they’ve said that), but worth it in the end. They’re right about the hard part, and I’m sure they’re right about the worth it part too. Of the surgeries that I’ve had in my life — impacted wisdom teeth removal, carpal tunnel surgery, gall bladder removal, and the modified radical mastectomy of my left breast — this has been by far the most painful I’ve had. It took… -
I’m home
13 Oct 2009 | 4:53 pmThe surgery went well, though dang it’s painful! I’m home now, armed with Percocet for the pain. Posted in Uncategorized
-
The Chronicles of Munchkin Land
-
Adoption Carnival III: Pictures of Adoption
30 Oct 2009 | 12:00 amAdoption Carnival III asks for my favorite picture of adoption. Heck if I know. Do you know who I am? I’m a photographer (!), for Pete’s sake. I take pictures out the wazoo. The camera is permanently stuck to my face. Even though we started this open adoption journey in a time before either family owned a digital camera, we have a billion and one photos. Seriously. In fact, I have a full TUB from her FIRST YEAR ALONE. (Thanks, D! You’re the best.) I can think of a few off the top of my head. The picture of me first holding the Munchkin. There’s a shot of Munchkin and… -
Ask and Tell
29 Oct 2009 | 7:23 amIn case you don’t know, I got a new job. To get that job, I had to interview. During that interview, I had to talk about what I’ve been doing regarding my freelancing career. That talk involves discussion of AdoptionBlogs among other things. That’s right. I had to mention adoption during an interview for a job. How is this my life? How has adoption woven itself into absolutely every aspect of my life? Where is my breathing room? My space? My right to privacy? Of course, I say this all slightly tongue in cheek. For various reasons all of these questions come back to me and… -
I Ordered Christmas Pajamas Today
19 Oct 2009 | 9:24 amI’m on the ball this year. I’m very close (thisclose!) to being done with Christmas shopping for my two sons. I know what I’m purchasing for my husband. I need to find something very small that can be taken in a suitcase for the Munchkin’s birthday. I have just been on top of things this year. I greatly prefer this to the overwhelmed, postpartum depression laden self that I was last year which equated to a whole bunch of procrastination and general apathy for anything other than sitting on the couch and nursing my youngest son. I mention the Christmas pajamas because I… -
A Vote for Dawn is a Vote for Change
15 Oct 2009 | 5:14 pmWhile my subject line sounds all idealistic and, really, what’s wrong with that, the truth is that Dawn has already changed the adoption world simply by existing and sharing her story. I nominated her for The Bump’s Mommyblogger awards under the Best Adoption Blog category for many reasons. 1. She is an important voice, a realistic voice. Furthermore, she is a voice that shows that change is possible. Her own views changed over time, chronicled in black and white on her blog. She promotes change. She is change. 2. She helped me so much, probably without knowing it, make sense of… -
Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day
15 Oct 2009 | 8:58 amShe’d be almost three. She was not intended, not expected. Her sudden, painful loss shook us both. Neither my husband nor I knew what to do with the knowledge that we had created a life we would never hold. We’d never hear her laughter. Never chase her through the leaves on a beautiful fall day. No memories other than that physical loss, the physical pain. I read over some quotes about miscarriage today. I don’t like any of them. Nothing seems to say what I feel, how it feels to remember a child that I never held. Some people expect, since we weren’t trying to conceive…
-
Mommyhood and Life
-
I Think Jillian Michaels May Be Some Kind of Voodoo Priestess
6 Nov 2009 | 2:31 pmYou all remember my vow to get my sorry ass in shape by working out to Jillian Michaels’ “30 Day Shred”, right? And in my post I may have ranted on about Jillian’s fave catch phrase a little bit and ragged on her two Amazons. Well, as it turns out, you shouldn’t give Jillian any shit, even on a semi-anonymous blog, because apparently, she has evil magical powers. Let me give you an example. Two weeks ago today, as I told Moonspun, I woke up with what looked like a half a purple boiled egg on the top of my left foot. Well, I was bound and determined not to miss… -
To Whom It May Concern
30 Oct 2009 | 12:00 pmA series of letters to people who have annoyed me this week. Dear Punk on the freeway this morning, going too slow in the fast lane, yakking on the Bluetooth AND texting while weaving erratically and frighteningly into my lane, Put your fucking phone down before you kill someone, you moron. You’re driving a crappy little Honda covered in primer, so I know the fate of the free world does not rest on your shoulders. You are not important enough to endanger my life because you want to sext your girlfriend while you’re on your way to your job at the Burger King drive-thru. Thank… -
I Literally Kicked My Own Ass
23 Oct 2009 | 8:29 amMonday while Badger was safely at school, I finally got to watch “30 Days of Night”. Ya’ll know I love me some vampires, regardless of whether they’re scary or sexy (although if I were ever to be attacked by a vampire, I much prefer the sexy, kthxbai), and “30 Days” was about the scary kind. I’ll spare you a complete plot rundown because, you know, it’s not infused with any deep meaningful metaphors or anything. Lots of blood and creepiness about sums it up. Anyway, there was this one scene, where a group of survivors are holed up in a… -
The Bus
20 Oct 2009 | 2:56 pmYesterday, I stood on my front porch with a brand-new Thomas the Tank Engine backpack, holding the hand of a very excited little boy. You see, yesterday was Badger’s first day of special preschool, and he was going to ride on a real yellow schoolbus for the very first time. Since one of his first words ever was “schoolbus”, and he points them out in ear-splitting screeches whenever we happen to pass one, you can imagine this was the equivalent of meeting all three Jonas brothers AND Edward Cullen (and/or Robert Pattinson) AND Zac Efron to your average tween girl. Yeah. -
The Three Most Beautiful Letters In The Alphabet Are “I”, “E” and “P”, Baby!
8 Oct 2009 | 3:07 pmPraise the lord and pass the vodka! Badger has been approved for IEP services with the school district! Let me tell you guys something, I was so nervous I almost threw up going in to this meeting. I have been hearing “Let’s just wait and see.” and “Well, he seems OK, except for that, you know, thing where he attacks other kids at random. Have you tried time-outs?” for so damn long, I actually had given up hope that the evaluation would find him in need of services, especially when the psychologist said he didn’t see many signs of “specific behaviors…
-
Paragraphein
-
Open Adoption Snapshot
2 Nov 2009 | 7:07 pmSunshine and I called Moonbeam tonight. It happened because after we got home from work and school today, Sunshine informed me that she did not have a good day. Upon questioning, she declared that she was missing her sister. So, after pizza and some wind-down time, we came upstairs, settled into our respective chairs, and dialed Moonbeam’s number on my cell phone. I started by talking with Moonbeam’s mom, who then passed the phone to Moonbeam. She and I talked a while, and then I passed the phone to Sunshine. After that, it was a free-for-all. At one point Sunshine was regaling… -
NaBloMoPo
2 Nov 2009 | 6:22 pmI’m late, but I’m joining NaBloMoPo this year. As infrequently as I’ve been blogging, a little motivation is in order. (Does this count as a blog post?) -
Surfacing
30 Oct 2009 | 3:48 pmI’ve been in a slump but am starting to see the rays of light above now. ____ Sunshine chose to be Daphne (of Scooby Doo fame) for Halloween. She’s excited about trick-or-treating tomorrow. We’ve been working with her on picking up her toys and she’s doing better lately. _____ My computer needs tweaking. It won’t let me upload photos anywhere these days–I need to lean on Matt to get this solved for me, because I’m still hoping to get a trip report up about Disney. _____ I’m feeling the urge for a new kitten. In June a little peach fuzzy one… -
Glum
12 Oct 2009 | 3:50 pmSo. As noted Friday, I am here, still breathing, still existing. I have been spending time trying to maintain a positive outlook in the midst of, um, not very positive feelings. Work is insanely stressful and combine that with less sunlight, and well, I’m loads of fun these days. My brain is having a very hard time computing the fact that two weeks ago my body was blissfully sweating it out in 90 plus degree weather and now, all of a sudden, it’s in the 40s. Um, yeah… a fifty degree temperature difference in two weeks’ time? Not working so well for me. Pennsylvania… -
Readjusting to the real world
9 Oct 2009 | 1:22 pmWe’ve been home from Disney World for two weeks now. I haven’t rushed to blog about it for a couple reasons: (1) Flickr. Not cooperating… and I’d like to have some photos to go along with any narrative. (2) I’ve been readjusting to real life. We had a blast. I fear turning into a Disney-World-obsessed-nut, that is how much I enjoyed myself. This feeling of truly being in an entirely different world washed over me the first night, from the moment Sunshine and I stepped into the Magic Kingdom. More to come. P.S. Day 101 of Pennsylvania still having no state…
-
FAMILY PRESERVATION ADVOCACY
-
Adoption La La Land...
6 Nov 2009 | 9:09 pmIn Adoption LaLa Land myths abound like lollipops and munchkins in Oz (as in the Wizard of, not AU).The Little Red Rescuing Myth rides happily abroad the Unwanted Languishing Orphan Train. The Same-As Twins dance merrily with The Savior.In the darkest part of the woods live the Wicked BirthMother Myth, next door to the Poor PitiFul Mother With Too Many Kids Who Lives in The Shoe.Movie stars, actors and other celebrities frequent LaLa Land, when not in The Land of Make Believe.Rosie O'Donnell visits regularly to read The Wrong Tummy, a story all are so very fond of!Madonna spends… -
Florida Supreme Court Versus Amnesty and The UN CRC
6 Nov 2009 | 10:20 amThe following post is unrelated to family preservation or adoption, so it may be "off topic" to some of my followers. However, as a human rights advocate focusing on the rights of children and families, this is clearly an issue of children's' right:Graham v. Florida and Sullivan v. Florida, two appeal cases to reach the state Supreme Court in Florida,question the authority of a state to sentence juvenile violent offenders to life without parole.Amnesty International and other global organizations have filed briefs urging the Court to apply the U.N.’s CRC to Florida law as a matter of… -
Pro-Adoption Extremism is Anti Child and Family
6 Nov 2009 | 9:49 amFOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE Contact: Emily DuprazNovember 3, 2009 Legal and Medical Experts to Testify Before Inter-American Commission on Human Rights in Support of International AdoptionRecent closure of international adoption programs in Central and South American countries… -
My Double
5 Nov 2009 | 1:02 pmDid anyone other than me catch last night's Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson?Stephen Fry, British actor, writer, comedian, author, television presenter and film director, was a guest.Fry is British however he spoke of almost being born in Princeton, NJ. He said that once he heard that story, he began to imagine a double or alternate Stephen Fry - his American counterpart. This alter Stepehen would by physiclaly the sme, except as he noted, perhsps a bit thinner, heaver, more fit or less, lonmger or shortr hair. But, he theorized, would this American born version of himself… -
Fraud and Kidnapping Casts a Cloud on Guatemalan Adoptions
5 Nov 2009 | 11:09 amIt's official! This article, with photos, will be appearing in the December issue of Adoption Today which will be available in approximtely three weeks.
-
Birthmother
-
June 1991
27 Oct 2009 | 5:56 pmMeeting new patients and making up their charts is one of the things in my current job that has made me realize how old my son is, that he is all grown up and all that. I've met patients, male and female, that are around his age ... a little older, a little younger.Then the other day I had to make up a chart for a girl who was born in June 1991 as she sat in the waiting room with her 23 year-old boyfriend. I felt sick to my stomach. A full grown person with an adult life (she works and doesn't go to college) born the same month and year my son was. I HAVE MISSED EVERYTHING AND WILL NEVER,… -
Birth day
22 Sep 2009 | 5:44 pmTonight as I was putting my daughter to bed I pulled out her framed picture from the hospital and told her how it was a picture of her on the day she was born. I held it up next to her face and she smiled. She said, "Who is that baby?" And I told her it was her and that she was looking at me in the picture. My daughter pointed off to the side of the frame and said, "You were there?" And I said, "Yes, I was."I am really surprised at how emotional I've been since I did that. It stirred something up and I can't put my finger on it. Oh, I know it has everything to do with my son and not having… -
Rambling
7 Aug 2009 | 7:40 pmIt was a rough July.A bunch of stuff has accumulated and apparently pushed me over some kind of line. I admit I can be uptight/hyper/high strung ... pick a personality adjective. I've wondered from time to time if I am a little too stressed, maybe a little crazy even. Now I've got some physical issues stemming from my neurosis of never being good enough and feeling like I'm running on some kind of damn hamster wheel. In early July I started having tingling in my hands, which made me worry, which made it worse, which made me lose sleep and appetite. I know part of my issue is my ongoing grief… -
The Due Date
19 Jun 2009 | 6:29 pmToday, June 19th, was my due date back in 1991. It's still such a significant date for me. I think it goes back to that "static" motherhood idea that I posted about a few days ago. I've thought about it, and him, a lot today. -
Happy Birthday
16 Jun 2009 | 5:59 pmToday my son turned 18.
-
birthmom-confessionsof
-
29 Oct 2009 | 3:18 pm
29 Oct 2009 | 3:18 pmWow. It has been a while. We moved into the new house on August first, and we are on our way to becoming unemployed. Our plant is shutting down next year, and hubs and I both work there. Yeah, you could say we are a little stressed.But you know what? We will be okay. Because I have been through worst. One thing about being a birthmother in a forced adoption is this. You lose EVERYTHING. I did. I lost everything when I lost my daughter because she is all I had. And she was taken away like it was nothing.So even though we will be unemployed, might have to sell our home to get something a little… -
10 Jul 2009 | 2:13 pm
10 Jul 2009 | 2:13 pmWe move in three weeks. My daughter called and wants me to spend the weekend with her.\I am so blessed. I will NEVER take her for granted, ever........... -
21 Jun 2009 | 10:32 am
21 Jun 2009 | 10:32 amI'm moving. We bought a home, we close on July 8th. Although I'm scared shitless at the thought of the difference of a mortgage and rent, I'm in a bittersweet mood. I'm leaving this room. This room, my bedroom, where my life changed...............March 2, 2005......It was a long day at work. I was tired. My computer was slow, I was ready to go to bed but thought that I'd log on and at least see if the email would load. I was working almost sixty hours a week (still am) and was just .........tired.........I logged on and there it was. "(My name), you have a response from adoption.com" I took a… -
21 May 2009 | 5:03 pm
21 May 2009 | 5:03 pmRelinquishment day. It used to not bother me so much as her birthday, but now with reunion, it bothers me.I know it worked out in the end. I know that I should concentrate on the positive.But yesterday and today, I felt again like the helpless 15 year old girl, pleading and begging the nurses, the caseworker, my mother and anyone who would listen to me that I didn't want to give my daughter away. I heard the click of the heels that with each step came closer and closer to my room, and closer and closer to having to tell my daughter goodbye. The same person who didn't even give me a copy of… -
Things adoption has taught me
19 May 2009 | 4:53 pmAdoption has taught me many things. 1. I can make it through anything. Divorce? Piece of cake. Parent dies? No biggie after the shock. If you can make it through being forced to give your kid up for adoption and the many years of the emotional toll it takes on you, you can get through anything.2. I can and have walked away from people I hold dear. Husband. He took eighteen hundred from the checking without an explanation. Gone. see you later, bye. We were forced to walk away from our children, and society wants to know why we are stone hearted bitches? The only two people in this world I…
-
All About a Girl
-
‘Waxing Philosophical’ or just random thoughts…
I was thinking yesterday how I love music and I should listen to it and dance again like I use to…but then after listening to some music…I remembered part of why I don’t listen to it as much anymore…it gets me thinking too deep of thoughts and going down memory lane or things that sometimes [...] -
Little Update on My Visit…The beginning of transitioning from semi-open to more open…
with my 4 1/2 yr. old’s parents…it was on Saturday afternoon, May 16, at their house. Okay so I went to the jewelry show at their house and it was a really good experience/visit for us . Hubby went with me cause he really wanted to meet them and wants to be involved and is very [...] -
Weird, how things happen, isn’t it?
Okay, I’m freaking out a little right now…in a way that I’m sitting here calmly while inside I’m shrieking and reminding myself to breathe lol. I was just doing stuff around the house and left the room and came back in and found a message popped up on my Facebook chat from my 4 1/2 yr. [...] -
It Was a Good Mother’s Day This Year =)!!!
I had one of the best Mother’s Days this year around. For the first time in quite a while, I didn’t really dwell on it being Mother’s Day and what I was missing out on with not being with my two girls I placed or having mixed and hard feelings like I often do [...] -
I’m really excited…
cause I just talked/chatted online with my 4 1/2 yr. old’s mom and it was awesome . We haven’t talked or seen each other since I had and placed my girl with her at the agency so yeah it’s been 4 1/2 years since I last saw and/or talked to her. We added each [...]
-
Cigarettes & Coffee
-
outing
1 Nov 2009 | 10:54 amuntil last week, i hadn't uploaded any pics of The Kiddo to Faceb**k. it wasn't that i was ashamed or embarrassed, i just didn't feel like fielding potential questions from the girl who sat next to me in sophomore biology or those of her ilk. in an uploading frenzy, i threw some in there, putting them in the "Family" album. and i think three people noticed. or at least commented. and those folks already "knew".a large part of me held those photos close to my chest out of fear. photos have always been a tricky subject: receiving them, taking them, having one taken of me & The Kiddo. maybe… -
dander
19 Oct 2009 | 2:59 amafter i'd seen 3 advertisements on tv for The Agency in the span of 5 days, i'd had enough. i perused their site, looking for a "general comments" mailbox to send my comments on said advertising. my choices were: expectant mom, want to adopt and webmaster. after a mental game of "rock-scissors-paper", i chose the "expectant mom" email address. in retrospect, i should have probably chosen "webmaster". but isn't it all crystal clear in hindsight?my outgoing email:Hi _________,there's not a "general questions/comments" email address, so i'm sending this to you. perhaps you could forward it on to… -
friday afternoon
3 Oct 2009 | 9:09 ami was lying on the bed reading when my cell phone rang. the house phone rang a few minutes prior, but our phone & answering machine are located in a storage cabinet in the kitchen, and i didn't feel like getting up and just heard the murmuring of a message recording.when i looked at my phone, the display showed "private number". interesting and slightly mysterious. so i answered it."may i please speak to Barbara?""speaking.""hi Barbara, this is the Ivana Know, Director of Outpatient Therapy at YourTherapyInstitute.""mmm, hi. what can i do for you?""i was just calling you to ensure that… -
9.25.09
25 Sep 2009 | 2:23 pmi've been struggling over this post for about a week. i'm sure of my forthcoming posts will have me struggling. and that's okay. my therapist knows nothing, and i mean nothing, about adoption. at all. zippo. nada.i'm extremely frustrated. i've spent time, for which i'm paying money, educating her about adoption. basics.for instance, two sessions ago we came upon the subject of the Kiddo's name change."...and then they named him W- and i had named him Jacob....""can they do that? change his name?""---------------------------- (my immediate thought: ohmygodicantbelievethisdo i expect my… -
reflux
18 Sep 2009 | 3:02 amwhen my alarm sounded at 230 this morning, i went about my usual routine. while shaking myself from sleep, i checked in on faceb**k and my feed reader, and found a great freakin' post from Claud. and while i've been at work this morning, her "#1" has been on my mind. actually, reading her post again, i find myself both nodding and near tears at all 29. I wish I knew that relinquishing my child to adoption was not a one time event that I would recover from by the most major life altering "decision" that would alter the very course of my existence for the rest of my life. uh, yeah.i believed…
-
Adopted Jane
-
Dona Nobis Pacem
4 Nov 2009 | 8:16 pmToday November 5th , 2009PEACEI wish my friend Mimi Peace in her Heartxxx -
Natalee Holloway....................
29 Oct 2009 | 8:44 pmI live in Australia, I only know about Natalee from reading some crime message boards and the Oprah website.I read the Excerpt online on Oprah by Beth Holloway "Loving Natalee: A Mother's Testament of Hope and Faith"Do you know what really gets to me ? do you know what really upsets me the most out of all of this ?Apart from the obvious, that as a Mother I just can not imagine how excruciatingly painful this is for Beth, that I just cant imagine never knowing what happened to your child.I cant imagine losing a child to death, but I cant imagine how much more painful it must be not knowing if… -
Adoption Disruption and People on the Self Publicity Trail
23 Oct 2009 | 4:35 pmI completely blame Anita Tedaldi.....You can read about her HERE and HERE and, well just google her name and you will find a lot more because she is very vocalA little adopted boy who is named only as "angryboy" by his adoptive mother is up for grabs on the internet : you can read the horror story HERE and also my comments which I will also post hereI wrote the following comment there: Jane says: October 23, 2009 at 1:01 am After reading the response to Mirah and other posters from the Adoptive mother – I put it to the readers that the 8 year old adopted boy learnt “anger” from his… -
Stephanie Nielson and Oprah - 7th October 2009
7 Oct 2009 | 6:25 amYUPStephanie is going to be on Oprah (I imagine Christian is too)If you live in the USA Then turn on Oprah today - According to THIS its going to be on at 4pm channel 2I have no clue as I am in Australia - so will someone kindly put it up on utube and send me the link please xYou don't want to miss this...I am sureYou can read a bit more about it over HERE and you can read Stephanie's blog HERE -
Stephanie Nielson AKA NieNie
17 Sep 2009 | 5:16 amI don't want anyone to forget her or Christian....They are always in my thoughts....They are amazing...Stephanie is amazing..Stephanie is someone that I look at and she inspires me to do good, she inspires me to be strong in the face of adversity, she inspires me to be better...Stephanie is not only amazing she is beautiful, as is her husband, her children and especially her family and Christian's family...I know that the focus is on Stephanie, she is the one most affected by this tragedy, apart from their good friend Doug and his family..but I think the focus is on Stephanie because its…
-
A Child Chosen
-
Will Texting Affect Childrens’ Spelling?
6 Nov 2009 | 10:00 pmAs more and more people (children and adults) use text messaging as a means of communication via their cell phones, will we find that correct spelling becomes obsolete? Image: sxc.hu Many young people use numbers and letters (4 instead of for, u for you) to speed up the process so they often don’t remember the correct spelling. Adults also have developed this trend, and I find myself (as a teacher, author and English minor) doing the same. However, most adults have learned to correctly spell. Many youngsters have not, so they begin to substitute the text spelling into their work… -
A Potty Question: Using the Potty
6 Nov 2009 | 5:20 pmThis category is full of everything from getting kids ready for school to picking out those summer fun activities. So it shouldn’t surprize you that when someone emailed and asked me:IMG: Elizabeth Ferree My son is 3 years old and refusing use his potty chair. Any recommendations? My first question would be to ask if something has happened between said child and the toilet? I remember my 3 year old reacting the same way just after she learned to use her new potty, only it tried eating her. That’s what she said when she came running out of the bathroom holding her butt in her… -
Why Laughter Really is the Best Medicine
6 Nov 2009 | 7:28 amI swiped this from my sister’s Facebook page. It’s a great feel-good video aptly named “Anti-Depression Video.” I think any parent would dig this. For centuries, people have touted the benefits of laughter. Experts say that a good laugh can reduce stress by relaxing tense muscles and energizing you by sending more oxygen into your bloodstream. It has also been shown to lower blood pressure. Loma Linda University School of Medicine researchers Drs. Lee Berk and Stanley Tan have conducted studies that show laughter lowers serum cortisol levels, increases the amount of activated T… -
Children’s Small Treasures Appreciated
5 Nov 2009 | 10:00 pmDo you have “small treasures” made by children and grandchildren that you’ve saved over the years? Do these take on special significance for you? Pincushion Image: sxc.hu I’ve saved a number of these and find the memories joyful. ONe is a pincushion my daughter made by herself and gave me as a surprise Christmas gift when she was about eight years old. Even though she’s grown with a daughter in college, I still use this and treasure it. My daughter has Christmas ornaments her son and daughter made in art class in elementary school. Each year she puts them… -
Making Christmas Gifts with Children
4 Nov 2009 | 10:00 pmMaking Christmas gifts with your children can be a fun family project and one that creates happy memories, too. Image:sxc.hu It’s not too early to start these projects so you’ll have plenty of time and won’t be rushed in December. When my daughter was small, we were involved in many types of crafts and often made gifts for our holiday giving. (Grandparents, especially, express appreciation for these items…whether they’re really useful or not!) What types of items can you and your youngsters create? This all depends on the age of the children. Woven and…
-
Birthmother
-
Dreamer Rescues Baby from Bridge
1 Nov 2009 | 1:59 pmLast night, I had this dream. I was walking in a beautiful city. Cobblestone streets, a stone bridge. There were people carrying packages and bustling here and there. I was alone. Just as I stepped onto the bridge I saw the woman with the two little boys.She was hurrying with one boy, about four years old, by the hand--and a baby boy in her arms.The woman was petite and with shoulder length black hair and the boys had black hair too.They were Asian. Maybe Japanese. The woman had an untidy bundle under one arm and when she got to the middle of the bridge she unfurled it. The partially inflated… -
Holding Cory
31 Oct 2009 | 11:15 amI got another essay published last week. And to make it even sweeter, my friend Elizabeth Aquino has a piece in the same issue.http://www.themomegg.com/themomegg/Current_Issue.htmlElizabeth's piece is titled, Thoughts on a Picture of Sophie in a Silver Frame. She's a wonderful writer with a fabulous blog--http://www.elizabethaquino.blogspot.com/My piece is called Holding Cory. -
Adoption and Universal Healthcare
24 Oct 2009 | 5:21 pmI spent a month in France recently and had a few discussions with French acquaintances about the health care debate currently raging in the U.S. It got me thinking.What if a woman who was considering relinquishing a child for adoption could rest assured that her child would have cradle to the grave health coverage? It seems that in this day and age when shame and sin play a lesser role in the decision making process of many birthmothers, it might be healthcare--or the prospect of raising a child without it--that pushes one toward adoption. And if we had universal healthcare, covering a… -
Transition
12 Oct 2009 | 11:55 pmIt occurs to me that ever since I relinquished my son for adoption I have been, in one manner or another, trying to re-make my life into something new.When my husband left me a couple of years ago, I was forced to re-double those efforts and began to really pursue writing--working on an MFA and trying for fellowships and sending work out to places that mostly send rejection letters on little strips of paper (not even a whole sheet) and the messages are pretty terse and to the point. Getting something published is not quite as futile as getting hold of an original birth certificate, but it's… -
Adoptive Parents Read This: You Might Be at the Top of the Triangle
2 Oct 2009 | 8:21 amWhen I think about how the past 18 years of reunion have gone with my son and the hows and whys of all of it, I can't help but think about his parents (his adoptive parents.) Especially his mother. She had lost a child herself, and I think because of this experience, was able to understand what I had lost. In our correspondence through letters and in person, in all these years she has never once been negative toward me, any aspect of the reunion process, or post-reunion life. The last two years, we've been at the same Thanksgiving table. If there are any adoptive parents who stumble onto this…
-
Adoption Update
-
Looking for a great online adoption community?
31 Oct 2009 | 6:15 pmLook no further! Adoption Families Magazine recently launched their new online community! It is filled with all sorts of information concerning adoption. International, domestic, birthparents, the paperchase, finances, anything you can think of. I recently joined and have been quite impressed with the layout and easy way to navigate the site. Click here to see the homepage and learn more about the community. -
Korea Closing It’s Doors By 2012
16 Sep 2009 | 10:16 amI came across this article which predicts that South Korea will stop all international adoptions by the year 2012. It is currently the longest running international adoption program in the world having placed over 160,000 adoptees in 14 western countries. To read more about the possible shut down, click here. -
What Do You Think About This?
27 Aug 2009 | 8:01 am -
Latest 2008 Adoption Statistics
25 Jul 2009 | 6:31 amClick here to see the 2008 results for Visa’s issued to children entering the United States. -
Book Review
8 Jun 2009 | 4:05 pmFor those of you who are interested in Foster Care, I highly recommend reading Another Place At The Table. Kathy Harrison gives an honest, real life experience perspective on what it is like to be a foster parent. She talks about the financial aspect, dealing with birth parents, DSS and numerous other situations. I have a lot of respect for her and her family. It was a book that I could not put down. It was heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time. If you have ever read it, please feel free to leave a comment and share your thoughts.
-
Adoption Talk
-
Happy 9th Birthday, Zoe!
6 Nov 2009 | 7:51 pmHard to believe, but Zoe turned 9 today! And Zoe will remind you that it happened at 3 o'clock this morning -- she's still so thrilled to have discovered that information about the time of her birth! She wanted to set her alarm for 3 a.m., but I put my foot down on that one.It was a very Chinese birthday this year. Zoe declared last month that for her birthday she wanted "everything Chinese and panda." I did lots of running around and found a veritable smorgasbord of pandas -- a Groovy Girl panda, Hello Kitty dressed as a panda, a "realistic" stuffed panda, a "realistic" panda figurine, a My… -
Sex Ed (or lack thereof) in China
5 Nov 2009 | 10:09 pmSlate has an entertaining/disturbing piece up about sex education in China:The first time Hu Jing tried to have sex with her college boyfriend, there was a technical difficulty. "We knew we had to use a condom," she said. "But we didn't know how."Faced with this conundrum, Hu and her boyfriend went looking for answers—he from his more experienced friends, she from the university library, where she combed through Dream of the Red Chamber, a literary classic from the Qing Dynasty.The following week, they reconvened for a second try. This time, they managed to roll on the condom but then …… -
In China, Who Adopts Girls & Why?
5 Nov 2009 | 7:04 amDomestic Adoption of Female Children in Contemporary Rural China, by Weiguo Zhang, is a terrifically informative research paper on domestic adoption (mostly informal adoption) and attitudes toward girls in rural China:Data for the current paper were collected in three separate studies between 1992 and 2004. In 1992–93, I examined adoption behavior among 21 adoptive families in a north China village within the context of market reforms and the one-child policy. In 2001, I organized a survey on adoption in rural China in Hebei, Henan, Jiangsu, Zhejiang, Jiangxi, Hunan and Fujian. Information… -
What Does "Gotcha" Mean to a Birth Mother?
3 Nov 2009 | 11:34 pmA must-read from Jane Jeong Trenka (of Jane's Blog) at Conducive Magazine, where she imagines what her Korean birth mother (who died nine years ago) would say about adoption "if she could read other people’s blogs in English, and if she could blog back:"I did not give birth to my child “with my heart.” I gave birth to my child with my body – painful, and tearing.I did not “give” my child to another mother as a “gift.”I was desperate and without the means to earn enough money myself. I and my children were victims of domestic violence. There was nowhere for us to go. No one… -
Louisiana JP Resigned!
3 Nov 2009 | 4:03 pmRemember the "I'm-not-a-racist-I-let-black-people-use-my-bathroom" justice of the peace in Louisiana who refused to marry interracial couples out of concern for their future children?He resigned!As Disgrasian put it, "That’s what we call 'justice.' That’s what we call 'peace.'"Maybe Louisiana is for Lovers after all.
-
About.com: Adoption/Foster Care
-
Happy Adoption Anniversary Boys!
5 Nov 2009 | 10:47 amYes, seven years ago today, my husband, myself, and our daughter finalized the foster care adoption of our 3 boys. We fostered them for two years before facing a judge in Wichita, KS to make it all official. It's funny that we finalized in November during National Adoption Month, but back then I didn't even realize it was National Adoption Month. Many families plan for it to occur in November just for that reason, but we just fell into it. Parenting three teen boys with high emotional and behavioral needs was no picnic in the park. But we did learn a lot from our time together as a family and… -
Trampolines and the Culture of a Fostering Family
3 Nov 2009 | 3:55 pmThanks to a high school friend, I was given the opportunity to speak to her class this morning about the culture of foster care. It was a small group of college students in an entry level social work class about marriage and family. We talked about family as a system and a bit about different cultural clues that we can observe in those around us. I then presented the concept that when a family decides to become a foster family, the family must blend their own culture, the foster child's culture, as well as the culture of the foster care system. The foster family takes on a completely new… -
Tangled Hearts
31 Oct 2009 | 5:00 pmWritten by adoptive mother Patti Bongiorno, Tangled Hearts tells the story of a fictional adoption that reflects reality with Bongiorno's strong characterization and insight into the adoption triad. Not only is Tangled Hearts perfect reading this month for National Adoption Month, but the Tangled Hearts necklace is a perfect gift this holiday season! Tangled Hearts - the book review Tangled Hearts - the necklace Tangled Heart Pendant - Image used with permission from Bongiorno BooksTangled Hearts originally appeared on About.com Adoption / Foster Care on Sunday, November 1st, 2009 at… -
They Grow Up so Fast and the Halloween Candy Goes with Them
29 Oct 2009 | 10:00 pmI'll admit it, I'm a little bit sad this Halloween. I don't have a little one to get ready for a school Halloween party. I don't have a little one to help figure out a Halloween costume. To top it all off, my daughter is a big middle schooler now and thinks that this year just might be her last year to go trick-or-treating! And where will I get my free candy from next year? So, all you parents out there, helping your children get ready to go to school all dressed up in their scariest or cutest this morning or for trick-or-treating Halloween night, enjoy. I'll probably be at home most of the… -
Thrifty Thursday - Use a Binder and Free Printable Worksheets to Organize Foster Care Documentation
29 Oct 2009 | 1:53 amMost homes with children have a few used 3-ring binders laying around, left over from various school projects. These binders are often in pretty good shape too. By utilizing one of these binders, a few tabbed dividers, and these free printable worksheets, a foster parent can get a jump on organization for pennies. Find the step-by-step instructions on creating a binder for foster care records here. Find the free printable worksheets to use in keeping foster care records and documentation here. Follow the About.com Parenting & Family's Thrifty Thursday: Make a Free Candy Bag for…
-
Adoption News
-
A life or death search for her family ties
25 Oct 2009 | 6:44 pmthemonmouthjournal.com — Carol Barbieri uncovered the secrets of her adoption and lineage during a yearlong investigation, and a race against time, on a quest to find her medical heritage and save her son.read moreReferenced in this article:NJ-CAREAmerican Adoption Congress -
The Underground Market of Sperm Donors
25 Oct 2009 | 9:05 amlifestyle.msn.com — A growing online gray market of free sperm donors has sprung up to serve single women, lesbian couples, and married couples challenged by male infertility who can't afford the expense -- or in some countries, who don't have the "right" social status -- for traditional sperm banks.read moreSubmitted to digg by WordsnCollision -
Germany's 'Brown Babies' - The Difficult Identities of Post-War Black Children of GIs
24 Oct 2009 | 7:39 amspiegel.de — For many of the now-adult children of white German women and African-American GIs, adopted by families in the United States after World War II, the search for the truth has been difficult.read more -
Adoptee aims to change rules for birth certificates
14 Oct 2009 | 3:40 pmrapidcityjournal.com — Eric Roach is working to change a South Dakota law so other adoptees won't have to work as hard, or tell lies, to get their original birth certificates.read moreSubmitted to digg by beegirlny -
Our Dirty Adoption Secret
14 Oct 2009 | 12:56 pmnewmatilda.com - The Federal Government wants to give forced adoption victims an apology, but seems very keen to prevent the public finding out exactly what the apology is for, writes Emily Wolfingerread moreSubmitted to digg by sly50
-
firstmotherforum.com
-
Are Laws Tilted Towards Adopting Parents? Well, yes, even in Oregon
3 Nov 2009 | 2:10 pmAre laws pertaining to surrender titled towards the person surrendering a child or to the receiver of the child? Even in an open-records state such as Oregon?You guess.An interview with an adoption attorney, Scott Adams, in the June 2009 Oregon State Bar Bulletin, got blogger Jane wondering about just that question. The piece was written by another attorney and adoptive parent and focused on the -
Question from Reader regarding Chinese Adoptions
3 Nov 2009 | 7:40 amA reader left a question and a comment last night on the post, Babies Confiscated in China and Sold as Orphans to the Western Market. She had "inherited" a Chinese adoptee when she married her husband, who had been the younger spouse in an earlier marriage. She wanted to know what anyone knew about Chinese adoptions in 1993. While we will have a new and different blog up later today, I decided -
Time to Unseal Birth Records--New York Report
2 Nov 2009 | 5:12 amyld_mgr.place_ad_here('x10_slot'); Joyce Bahr, President of Unsealed Initiative which works to open the records in New York State had the following letter in the Albany Times-Union on Sunday, November 1. November is National Adoption Month and adoptees born in New York are much more hopeful for passage of legislation giving them the right to a noncertified copy -
The Endless Trauma of Sealed Adoption Records
31 Oct 2009 | 8:02 amAn update on the story of adoptee Phil Bloete and the man he presumed was his biological father, Ron Ryba. To recap: A father, Ryba, and son, Bloete (who has now released his surname), met at the father's request through Catholic Charities in Trenton, New Jersey, believing they were father and son. However, the two men began to doubt they were related, and a DNA test in 2008 showed that indeed, -
Attempt to Reunite with Son Brings Frustration
28 Oct 2009 | 9:44 amLooking for man born near or on November 25, 1975, in New Jersey, adopted. Your father is searching for you.... So...switched at birth? Switched at adoption? Just f@#!ed by the sealed records system? Right. But a great argument for opening up sealed records for adopted people--and their natural/biological parents. Just as you're planning to do some sit-ups in front of the tube during Good
-
Grown In My Heart
-
Hiring Nannies and Housekeepers can be Taxing
6 Nov 2009 | 5:00 amOver the past year, we’ve seen politicians will all sorts of tax problems. Tim Geithner, Tom Daschle and Charlie Rangel have all proved that the tax man rarely giveth but frequently taketh away. But don’t worry…even if you have no political ambition whatsoever, the IRS will be happy to investigate you for innumerable reasons…and maybe even ask you for some money. One of IRS’ favorite tricks recently is to audit for unpaid employment taxes–that 15.3% of an employee’s wages paid one-half each by the employee who earns the wages and the employer that pays them–which… -
What National Adoption Awareness Month Means to Me
5 Nov 2009 | 5:00 amWhy this Birthmother will NOT be Celebrating This November When you are painfully aware of the coming of November, the dreading commences upon the first days of school. The air begins to stir and the word adoption gets tossed about in the media with an increasing popularity. The feelers go out by those who think to plan ahead: ” What are we going to do to celebrate Adoption Awareness Month?” My answer is usually a wistful , “Sleep until December?” I mean really, if I could avoid the whole month, I would. It’s not just that it is National Adoption… -
Book of the Week: Borya and the Burps
4 Nov 2009 | 4:29 amI have to admit that this is my absolute favorite adoption book on the market. Borya and the Burps: An Eastern European Adoption Story could have been drawn from pictures of the three of us the day we went to meet AJ for the very first time so it holds a special place in my heart Borya and the Burps: An Eastern European Adoption Story, in my opinion, is one of the first children’s books to (almost) accurately portray an Eastern European adoption. There are adoption advocates out there who will say that children may be frightened by Borya’s perspective of the orphanage and what is… -
One year later…
4 Nov 2009 | 4:05 amI remember writing this post (I did edit it a bit this time…) on October 23, 2008: So does anyone here know Annie – the musical – and that song with the line “Yesterday was plain awful” well that is going through my head now. Why you ask…well yesterday (October 21, 2008) was plain awful. First at 9 a.m. both babies are awake – which was actually good but at that point Aaron comes up to me and says Mia (our cocker spaniel) had died during the night. This is a good and a bad thing….she was our special needs dog with more medical conditions than I could list here and no… -
Transfer, Surrogate, Transfer
3 Nov 2009 | 4:06 amFirst, WHAT in the name of all that is holy was I THINKING??!! Today is day four of progesterone, and I seem to have developed a wee bit of arse-jabbing forgetfulness. I woke up on Friday to the strangest sensation of having been beat in my sleep, Saturday I was sure of it, and today is Sunday.. I am seriously dreading the upcoming arse poke. It’s not the *poke* that hurts, but the bruise to the meat when the gallon and a half of progesterone is injected. Note to self, COOK>POKE>COOK>RUB. Do NOT deviate from the tried-and-true! I’m blaming it on older lump-meat. It’s just not…
-
the disloyal subject of the red queen
-
Grossly inaccurate… and just gross!
4 Nov 2009 | 1:32 pmOn my post “why lies can and will cost you everything”, I have been reading the comments between Carla (the first mom) and Cathy, an adoptive mom with an interest in the case. There has been some back and forth but I have stayed out of it as I have found it quite interesting to read these diverse perspectives, however, I just had to stop and pick my jaw off the floor when Cathy provided this little snippet (emphasis in bold is mine): “It is unhealthy for all and you need to be counseled to come to turns with the adoption, as do your two daughters, who, by the way, are NOT… -
Adopting beyond good intentions
20 Oct 2009 | 10:41 pmLast week’s In Touch Magazine had an interview with actress (and fellow Canadian) Malin Akerman (Watchmen, Couples Retreat), which led inevitably to questions about mommyhood and she said: “I would love to have biological children but I also would love to adopt. Probably from Africa. With all of the starving children and orphans how could you not want to help. Why would you not want to help?” Why wouldn’t you help? Indeed. It’s a wonderful thought, isn’t it? Providing a home and a family to a child that doesn’t have one and sharing with them the… -
“I’m not no racist… I let blacks use my bathroom and everything…”
15 Oct 2009 | 9:47 pmPerhaps I should have called this: “Douche Bags in Positions of Power.” After reading this article it makes me wonder about his stance on adopting transracially. I mean, it’s clearly myopic to think that all couples will only be having biological children. You’d think in order to ensure “the races don’t mix” he’d ask the couples if they have any plans to adopt or would even consider adopting… and if so, would they try and adopt outside of their own race. I wonder if he’d refuse to marry them on the grounds they’d be raising… -
Noooooooooooooo way, jose!!!!
15 Oct 2009 | 5:57 pmLike I said in my previous post, whenever anyone hears anything even remotely linked to adoption, they seek me out to tell me all about it. They assume that A. I know the people involved. B. I already know about it and therefore have formed a passionate opinion. C. I can do something about it. Some are even of the opinion that I have some power simply because I am adopting. Meaning that my PAP status can help someone else adopt. Like maybe I can make a phone call and get the ball rolling or I can put a good word in and you’ll have a baby by Tuesday. Example: a friend of a friend would… -
You just cannot make this stuff up!
13 Oct 2009 | 7:19 pmI get back from my absolutely fabulous Dominican vacation and a girlfriend is practically falling all over herself to tell me a story. Side note: whenever anyone hears anything remotely related to adoption, I am immediately tracked down and told about it… almost as if I might know the people in question. You know, how all adoptive parents or pap’s or adoptees or first moms must know each other. Anyhoo, back to the story: Girlfriend sees gorgeous little Chinese girl in Zellers (Like Target for you Americans) with her white parents. Again, I should note that when anyone sees…
-
The Adoption Option
-
Saving Dollars on Halloween
1 Nov 2009 | 5:44 pmImage via Wikipedia We know what you’re thinking – Halloween is over. But now is the best time to plan for your kids’ next Halloween costumes. Retailers are slashing their prices right now on all of the costumes that didn’t sell this season. Stores will sometimes reduce Halloween costume prices by as much as 50-75% off to make room for incoming holiday merchandise. If you’re not sure what character your child will want to portray next year, you can always take this opportunity to purchase miscellaneous dress-up items that will make for fun year-round activities. -
Our Favorite Fall Treats for Kids
27 Oct 2009 | 6:27 pmNow the fall is here, take advantage of the autumn season to try some new kid-friendly snacks. We’ve collected a few great fall snack ideas for your kids. They’re quick and easy to make, and your kids will love them! Pumpkin Jigglers Put a twist on your Jell-O Jigglers. Buy orange Jell-O and follow the instructions on the package to make Jigglers. When the Jell-O has set, use a pumpkin-shaped cookie cutter to create pumpkin Jiggler snacks. Shaped cookie cutters are available at most grocery stores or dollar stores. Pumpkin Bars If our Pumpkin Jigglers had you craving a real… -
Indoor Art Projects for Kids
2 Oct 2009 | 7:29 amAs the cold weather sets in, many parents are challenged to find activities that will keep the kids busy inside. Initiating craft projects with your kids can be a great way to keep them busy yet active when bad weather prevents you from letting them play outside. Art and craft projects also help improve kids’ creative and problem solving skills. These projects can also help your kids build concentration, and most kids love the feeling of accomplishment when they realize they’ve created something concrete. Here are a few good indoor art and craft ideas: Modeling Clay Creatures Any craft… -
Sleep By the Numbers
17 Sep 2009 | 9:22 amNow that we’re back in the school gear, it’s especially important to make sure the kids are getting enough sleep to make it through the busier days. But how much is enough (or too much?) We’ve done some research and here’s what we found: • According to www.KidsHealth.org, most kids of the ages between 5 and 12 need close to 10 hours of sleep per night. • Infant sleep patterns are very different from older children’s sleep patterns. According to the University of Michigan Health System, newborns sleep in a light on-and-off cycle all day and all night. By the time they are about 4… -
Summer Fun at Summer Sky
25 Aug 2009 | 6:24 amThanks to all who came out for Summer Sky at the Heritage Center in downtown Springfield. The Family & Children Services sponsored event hosted hundreds of kids and families (despite the rain). Here are some pictures: Summer Sky was held at the Heritage Center in downtown Springfield Kids loved visiting the animals from the Boonshoft Museum of Discovery. Moonwalks and the bouncy slide were a hit with the kids. Family & Children Services passed out information on adoption & foster care opportunities. The big tent housed craft tables from Avetec, the library, the Heritage Center,…
-
Our Little Tongginator
-
Survival...
6 Nov 2009 | 12:00 amMy mother-in-law is visiting for a long weekend. I would love to hear some of your best mother-in-law stories to help me through these next few days.As for the definition of "best?" Well... I'll leave that up to y'all. -
Great Children's Books for Thanksgiving
5 Nov 2009 | 12:00 amWith Thanksgiving just three weeks away, I thought I'd share some of my favorite children's picture books about this holiday. If y'all haven't guessed by now, I adore children's literature. We own an embarrassing number of picture books, mostly dating from my days as a teacher. I'm hoping this early list will give you a chance to check out one or two of these from your local library. And please add your suggestions... I know we all would appreciate it!I Know an Old Lady Who Swallowed a Pie by Allison Jackson. A most engaging and silly book about Thanksgiving dinner, I Know an Old Lady Who… -
Over the Rainbow (Words)
4 Nov 2009 | 12:00 amOh my goodness, y'all... thank you so much for the many words of advice. I've held this topic so close to my heart this week because we've been studying the Book of James with our church small group this fall. And this week's lesson? Was on taming the tongue (James 3:1-12).So how do I avoid gossip... and sarcasm... and discouragement... and dishonesty... and all of those negative behaviors that come so naturally to me, especially when dealing with the dreaded Rainbow Word Competi-momma Situation?The simple answer, of course, would be to just walk away from it, but of course we all know that… -
Blame the Full Moon... or Rainbows
3 Nov 2009 | 12:00 amThis blog post brought to you by Day Light Savings Time, Halloween candy sugar-shock withdrawal and the full moon.Yesterday I volunteered in the Tongginator's classroom... again. When I walked in the door, I noticed that Ms. Confetti looked as if some tattooed, big belt buckled truck driver ran a semi over her body... twice. I didn't know why for the first two seconds or so, but then I figured it out. Pretty rapidly, I might add. Especially when Ms. Confetti asked me, while striving to avoid pulling out ALL of her hair, "is it a full moon tonight?"Because the children? They were hooligans. -
Happy Halloween
2 Nov 2009 | 12:00 amTime for the obligatory cuteness that sugar shocks us all on the days following Halloween. (Because it couldn't possibly be those two dozen Snickers bars I snuck from the Tongginator's stash. Because I totally wouldn't do that. Because that would be dishonest. And kinda immature. And, seeing as how I'm a momma, I'm supposed to avoid immaturity.)I'm kinda limited with this post because, frankly, I don't have all that many stories this year. Which feels extremely weird, especially since last Halloween we dealt with an Edvard Munch Scream zombie look-alike and I narrowly avoided introducing…
-
Adoption Truth
-
Aware Or Beware
3 Nov 2009 | 1:41 pmWe know what this month is right?Outside of November. Outside of Thanksgiving coming up. Outside of Christmas approaching , quicker than we expected, or might even be ready for . . .It is, as it is every year, National Adoption Awareness Month.The time set aside supposively to heighten the awareness of children in foster care waiting to be adopted. To shed adoption in it’s typical positive, glowing light, so couples everywhere will stand up and help a child in need.It does sound good in the way it is worded.Who in the world would not support such a thing? Who would ever question such a… -
Ying And Yang
29 Oct 2009 | 5:42 pmThe more we think we know, the more we have yet to learn.You know, sometimes these phrases irritate me for no other reason than they are right and make complete sense.Yep, the more I thought I knew, the more I had yet to learn. Which, in return, means, even now, knowing more, I have no choice but to prepare for even more that I still have to learn about myself, my adoption journey, and my life in general.And to think, there was a time in my life when I thought my education ended after college.In honesty, I’ve been ready to pick back up on my blogging for awhile now but decided there was no… -
Toe The Line
7 Aug 2009 | 4:59 pmI slipped away again.It seems to be a pattern with me. The silence. The backing away. Over and over again.And I don’t know why it keeps happening.Nothing even really triggered my last bout. I just was there . . . toeing that line of denial. So tempted to take that final step back into that state of mind where I once pretended that I knew nothing of the pain and loss adoption has caused in my life, my son’s life.I see so many wonderful first/natural moms, adoptees, adoptive moms, who don’t quit. Who speak out day after day, week after week. And I envy them. Wish I had their strength. -
Miracles and My Love
24 Jun 2009 | 8:44 pmThe picture is of my husband and I. As cliché as it sounds, he has been the love of my life for over twenty years. We’ve had each other to rely on, hold on to, during the many ups and downs we’ve faced over the years.He is also the first/natural father of my oldest son and I had planned on writing a post for Father’s Day about how adoption has affected him too. Left him with his own struggles and pain through the years.But then life threw me a curve ball I didn’t expect.A late night visit to the Emergency Room late last Wednesday night, and an unexpected turn of events, changed… -
The Power Of Words
9 Jun 2009 | 2:23 amMy Italian grandfather – Grandpa Joe – was one of the best people in my life for the fourteen short years I was blessed to know him. During that time, I was his one and only grandchild which left me open for all his attention . . . in other words, spoiling.And my grandfather was one of those characters who loved his little “tales.” Those white lies only grandparents can get away with like when a light bulb burns out it means somebody has told a lie. I can’t tell you how many times, as a little girl, I would rush frantically back through everything I had said during the course of the…
-
O Solo Mama
-
Adoption: Born in the Federal Prison for Women
6 Nov 2009 | 4:40 amDeborah Jiang Stein has sent me an article she just published with Adoptive Families. It’s called Second Chances, and it details her discovery of being born in the Federal Prison for Women at Alderson, West Virginia. How she found out was . . . whew . . . her a-mom wrote the family attorney trying to change the place of Stein’s birth so she would never know she was born in prison. Stein found the letter. Stein later went on to volunteer in the prison system and adopted her two daughters from China. This is a thought-provoking piece that lots of people will have different opinions… -
Elizabeth Bartholet mourns international adoption slowdown
5 Nov 2009 | 4:57 pmOn November 6, 2009, Harvard Law School professor Elizabeth Bartholet will testify before the Inter-American Commission on Human Rights regarding the “Human Rights of Unparented Children and International Adoption Policies” in the Americas. Adoption from Guatemala, Honduras, and Peru will be highlighted. Bartholet is presenting along with Paulo Barrozo and Karen Bos, who provide additional legal (Barrozo) and scientific (Bos) evidence that slowing down international adoption–even in the face of documented corruption–amounts to a human rights violation and why human infants… -
Closed-records advocate wants to be called biological expletive-deleted
1 Nov 2009 | 7:41 amA truly bizarre website has surfaced belonging none other to than Katherine Hoy Foley, who supports birthmother anonymity and opposes open records. Foley sued New Jersey in June 2009 because its Division of Youth and Family Services allegedly gave out identifying information to her daughter a year earlier. That daughter tried to contact Foley, first via letter, and then in person. What complicates the story on some levels is that Foley was raped as a teenager. That single historical fact permeates her website, Women in Hiding, more than any other. As a site exploring the brutality and trauma… -
Rescued from Buddhism: A brief history of the Christian adoption movement
30 Oct 2009 | 10:54 amA few years ago when the 2008 US presidential election campaign was getting underway I became interested in the left wing of the evangelical movement. Remember the book God’s Politics: Why the Right Gets It Wrong and the Left Doesn’t Get It? That book, written by Jim Wallis, examined how the Religious Right had “hijacked” religion, making it synonomous with Republican Party principles and reducing it to a few hot-button issues like abortion and gay marriage. Wallis, himself a noted evangelical, charged that the Christian Right’s narrow focus on these two issues was often… -
Single moms need reform school?
25 Oct 2009 | 8:00 amAt NewMajority, where they have boldly dedicated themselves “to the modernization and renewal of the Republican party and the conservative movement,” the following photo was selected for a story about kids of single moms doing badly at school. (“No School Reform Until Single Moms Reform“) Isn’t that ripe? How sweet and innocent the child. How awful that mother, bold as brass in her bikini . . . dragging on her cancer stick and throwing her son a baleful look. Why not just stick a thought bubble on top of her head that reads, “Look kid—you’re interrupting my…
-
On a Little Island in the Pacific: An Adoption Blog
-
A precious (adoption-related) photo
3 Nov 2009 | 12:17 pmI decided to participate in the “Adoption Carnival III: Photos of Adoption,” presented by the blogging network “Grown In My Heart,” which encourages bloggers to share blog posts related to adoption. I thought about what photographs to share, and decided that posting photos of people may be a bit more personal than I would like to be. So, I took a photo of a print-out of an “e-card” mounted on the wall of my office. Along with the adoption certificate from when I adopted-back my son, and his original birth registration, this is the most precious… -
“Baby Look for Home” and Adoptions from China?
30 Oct 2009 | 4:07 pmAn new initiative by the Chinese government to try to find the homes of stolen and trafficked children was in the news this week (see “Chinese crackdown nets thousands of ’stolen’ children“). The news is about the creation of a website, named “Baby Look For Home.” You can find it at http://www.mps.gov.cn/n16/n983040/n1928424/index.html. As the newpaper article states: “Many, if not most cases are not formally listed because local police are unwilling or unable to investigate crimes that usually involve crossing provincial borders. As well, many… -
“Risk” — A Must-Read from Mei-Ling
19 Oct 2009 | 10:35 pmhttp://exiledsister.wordpress.com/2009/10/19/risk/ “I risk a lot of backlash in telling this story. I risk receiving comments of disbelief, people who don’t believe anything is wrong with the ethics in this story, people who believe that having me be adopted on the basis that my adoptive parents were the only ones who could pay the bill is justified and moral, people who can’t consider that my mother’s decision wasn’t really a choice after all, people who have never had to imagine what “desperation” of a choice really is.” Posted in adoption -
“Abandonment”: A Disconnect in Adoption
10 Oct 2009 | 1:04 pmThere is a huge disconnect in public discourse related to the subject of adoption. I believe that this disconnect is directly related to the fact that the dominant voices that “own” the conversation about adoption do not include the voice of the natural mother, when women are kept silenced and invisible in shame and blame for a traumatic event that often they had no control over. The dominant voices belong to others, and others often attempt to speak for us. A small example of an event illustrating the unintentional but systemic marginalization of the voices of natural mothers… -
“Sorry, Mrs. Smith” — Looking Beyond The Story
3 Oct 2009 | 4:19 pmWe promised you a follow-up to the post “Sorry, Mrs. Smith” and here it is. This post is composed by both of us: Mei-Ling, who is the adoptee in the original story, and Cedar. Cedar: I began reading Mei-Ling’s first two blogs sometime in 2008. The story of her journey, an international adoptee discovering her heritage, was compelling; and the way she “wrote from the heart” eloquently expressed the challenges she faced. In telling the story of how her parents had lost her to adoption, it seemed to me though that sometimes readers would dismiss or gloss-over her…
