After many months of waiting, and waiting, sometimes not so patiently, waiting;On June 1st I received the much coveted plastic card that says I was deemed insurable and worthy of healthcare.It took a long time to get here mind you. I have been trying to be deemed insured in some form or fashion without completely committing perjury of falsifying records since I first broke my arm in October of
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Musings of the Lame
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Life with a Fractured Humerus: Why the US Healthcare System is Broken
29 Jun 2009 | 7:17 pm -
Learning to Ride the Waves: Birthmother Grief
25 Jun 2009 | 9:16 pmBack to “normal” life, but nothing would ever be the same normal again.That was always the bit of irony about adoption. You went through this experience, this incredible perceived “sacrifice” and certainly a heartache for the ultimate plan to not have your life changed, but no one tells you how unavoidable that is.You can’t have a baby and place it for adoption with the experience changing your -
Fear in Runion: the devil in passing time
23 Jun 2009 | 11:58 pmThis is hard. I hate it, but I’m coming clean. I hate that I am feel seen as some kind of super strong birthmother because I am suppose to be immune to this sort of thing in my head. Guess what..I’m human. I’m not perfect. In fact, I am probably just as messed up as everyone of us. I just hide it well.Periodically, people ask me how my reunion with Max is going. In case you haven’t noticed, I -
After You Give Your Baby up for Adoption
7 Jun 2009 | 6:17 pmThis story begins here:" How to Begin a BirthMother: Chapter 1"As an unmet, joyful and excited couple marveled and cooed over my precious baby, now theirs.. I was then packing all my meager belongings, waiting for my mother, sad goodbyes, uncomfortable silence, more feelings of shame. As they fussed over the first diapers changed, and made happy phone calls, I was on the cold drive back..5 hours -
Adoptee Rights tester
1 Jun 2009 | 8:23 pm
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Ethica's Posts - Ethica
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"One small piece when we are hungry is as good as one bag when we are full.”
The Dong Anh Orphanage Director ended his letter (translation here) requesting funds to feed 95 orphans and poor children with this Vietnamese phrase. It speaks volumes to what has happened with Vietnamese adoptions. Now, as the moratorium of Vietnamese adoptions to the U.S. begins, with expectations of it lasting at least 3 years, is the adoption community prepared to help these children? Ethica, in partnership with Vietnamese NGOs and expats, has pledged to raise $10,000 in time for Tet, the most important Vietnamese holiday of the year. The Dong Anh orphanage is among 6 orphanages applying… -
Blankets for Babies Project Continues
Earlier this winter Ethica launched an emergency fundraiser in response to a request by the National Fund for Vietnamese Children, a Vietnamese government agency that oversees orphanage funds. It was an unusually cold winter in northern Vietnam and there were reports of children dying in the orphanages. Adoptive families were especially concerned since they assumed that a portion of their agency fees were going to support the children. (These funds are not overseen by the NFVC.) And so Ethica rallied the community and was able to raise over $10,000 in 3 days. Donations provided for 469… -
"...we began receiving death threats to ensure our silence."
We arrived in the country of our son's birth only to discover that our adoption was not complete, our child was ill, and serious allegations were being leveled against our adoption service providers. For the following four months, we cared for our child in a foreign hotel while trying to complete our adoption. As our journey unfolded, we were asked to provide information about our experience to the authorities and then we began receiving death threats to ensure our silence. We turned to the US Embassy, Congressional offices and even the White House for assistance, but our desperate pleas for… -
"...someone with no agenda."
Ethica's agenda has not changed since we were formed 5 years ago. We remain an independent voice for ethical adoptions, able to provide direct assistance to all adoption triad members as well as work on the policy level to ensure transparency and accountability. Our unique position allows us to work with adoption agencies, families, and state, federal, and international government officials. As a result we are fortunate to have success stories like the one below. In this case a family had engaged their adoption agency and both American and Vietnamese law firms to fight for their child. Ethica… -
Join the Chorus
Dear Supporter. On this Mother's Day, the adoption community will celebrate and honor first and adoptive mothers for the love and care they've provided to their children. These mothers might be blocks or oceans apart, but connected through a desire to ensure their children's well-being and futures. We at Ethica, ask that you help contribute to their legacies by supporting ethical adoptions, practices, and policies. Our work reminds us that motherhood through adoption has its challenges and sometimes, heartbreak. Unfortunately, adoptions can be tainted by questionable practices and the…
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Ethnically Incorrect Daughter
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The Noisy Road Home
30 Jun 2009 | 3:11 ampic by sume The road to the house was long, dark and noisy. Very little was visible except for the dusty tunnel of illumination created by the headlights. I could see the scattered lights of nearby houses but they seemed dim and insignificant. What stood out to me most was the noise. Even at thirty miles [...] -
Night people
9 Jun 2009 | 2:20 pmWe talked about the monsters within. I don’t remember at what point or why we switched topics from what a relief the cool, evening breeze was after such a brutally hot day to our inner demons. The time just before the sun disappears has become my favorite part of the day here in Texas. I’d [...] -
Coming up for air
9 Jun 2009 | 11:49 amIt’s been a long time since I’ve considered trying to write. There’s too much to digest and the day leaves little energy to do much more than crawl into bed. After working nights and taking care of the kids and everything else during the day, my body runs out of energy hours before my brain. [...] -
Conclusion
11 Apr 2009 | 7:00 amTo this day, us first generation transracial adoptees from Korea and Vietnam are generally referred to as ‘war orphans’ in the media and by people we encounter on a daily basis, as if it is a self-applied term of endearment. The main assumption is that we were rescued from a tragic past and handed a [...] -
No More Angels For You
10 Apr 2009 | 7:00 amWhat the Holts and Operation Babylift have taught Westerners is that in order to justify the act of taking small brown bodies from their countries of origin and raising them in their own image all you have to do is reduce the child’s circumstances to one of two alternatives: “leave to rot” in an inhumane [...]
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Ungrateful Little Bastard
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Share the same place for a minute or two
3 Jul 2009 | 12:11 pmThis has been in my head a lot:A pervasive sense of rootlessness has been a constant in my life. With July bringing the Adoptee Rights Demonstration in the place I was made, combined with this lovely outsourced/budget-cut economy driving us out of New York, the word 'home' has me decidedly more maudlin than usual.I remember the day we moved to Chicago, the summer before I started 7th grade. My best girlfriend was there sobbing hysterically as we hugged goodbye. But I didn't cry; I was too devastated to show any emotion at all. There was only one thought in my head at the time: "How will I… -
The National Council for Adoption: Mothers, Money, Marketing, and Madness
26 Jun 2009 | 5:51 amYou have read this, right?If not, please do.Even if you have, it's worth reading again.The National Council for Adoption: Mothers, Money, Marketing, and Madness -
Next Long Island Adoptee Meetup - Saturday, July 11
25 Jun 2009 | 5:10 amIf you're on the Island, c'mon down.Click here to check outThe Long Island Adoptees Meetup Group! -
Inhuman Benefits
18 Jun 2009 | 6:19 amSo anyway on Facebook this morning, I was wondering about that dude in "Journey of the Adopted Self" who took that six months sick leave because he found search so threatening.Just where did this guy work? Is there some adoptee-owned company out there that offers this as standard in their benefit package? If so, can I get a job there?My search is done but frankly, I just find adoption so threatening, I really could use some time off from work too.I'm just saying. -
New postcards available to print and send!
11 Jun 2009 | 5:49 amA hardworking volunteer for the rally has made some postcards you can print and send to your state representatives. You can find these on the 'Help Spread The Word' page.These postcards are formatted to work with Avery Postcards products 3263, 3377, 3381, 5689, 8383, 8387, 8577, or any cardstock paper. Postcards are available in PDF or Word format. Go check them out and while you're there, review all the other ways you can help spread the word and raise awareness for the demonstration!
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ReadingWritingLiving
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Mixed Roots Film & Literary Festival, Here I Come
7 Jun 2009 | 3:01 pmVery excited to be participating in this year’s Mixed Roots Film & Literary Festival in Los Angeles next week. It’s going to be held at the Japanese American United Museum, which I LOVE. Not only will I be reading from an essay about mixedness, I’ll also be presenting a workshop with Lisa Marie Rollins about mixed-race adoptees and writing (could it get any more perfect than that??) and also a panel with Jason Sperber on mixed-race parent blogging. It’s going to be very, very awesome. And guess what: the festival is FREE. Is that not cool? It’s going to be… -
Lifting the Curtain
6 Jun 2009 | 4:34 pmI bet a lot of you think I have stopped blogging. Well, no. I have actually been blogging more than ever, practically every day. Just not here. I started another blog, an anonymous blog, in January, when I first learned that I was pre-diabetic. I knew that I had to lose weight and begin some sort of regular exercise. But this area has been so fraught for me for SO MANY years, that I was embarrassed. And ashamed. I was pretty sure that I would fail in my efforts. I knew that I needed support, and to be honest, to have any chance of success, but I really didn’t want to talk about it… -
Time for Another Speed-Blog
18 May 2009 | 9:26 amRead/Reading: mostly books about mindful eating/weight loss The End of Overeatingby David Kessler – illuminating, informative, useful. The Four Day Win by Martha Beck – love, love love this book. Columnist from Oprah’s magazine, I didn’t have high expectations but it is so well written, hilariously funny, compassionate, Buddhist-ish and right on. One Bowl: A Guide to Eating for Body and Spirit by Don Gerrard – just bought this. Fascinating concept of eating all meals from one bowl. Mindful practice. Mindful Eating: A Guide to Rediscovering a Healthy and Joyful… -
Sanctuary
17 Apr 2009 | 11:16 amI recently went to the second session of my meditation class. I love this class so much. I have gone to several meditation classes and retreats before, and always ended up feeling like it wasn’t for me, or I wasn’t doing it right, or something. It didn’t fully click somehow. But this class, and this teacher, clicked from the moment I walked in the door. I love this place in downtown Oakland. The teacher fills me with a sense of calm. Her voice is just amazingly soothing, reassuring, peaceful. The sound of the bell at the end of the meditation is one of the most beautiful… -
Don’t Ask
11 Apr 2009 | 2:21 pmPlease don’t ask me, now or anytime in the foreseeable future: “How’s the writing going?” It’s not. I’m not all torn up about it, because I really can’t even think about it right now, but when someone asks, it reminds me, and it’s like a little knife wound to the gut. So please don’t ask. Other than blogging, and writing posts on diabetes forums, it’s pretty nonexistent. It’s not on the back burner, it’s not even in the kitchen anymore. But it’s okay. Because I’m learning it takes a heck of a lot of time to:…
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Wet Feet
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Multimedia message
2 Jul 2009 | 1:34 pmThat's the back of a boombox circa 1985. And that's an Ipod hooked up to it. And up top there is the foot of a hipster who has gone too far. -
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28 Jun 2009 | 10:43 am -
28 Jun 2009 | 10:10 am
28 Jun 2009 | 10:10 amhas figured out how to blog from her phone. Stay tuned... -- ================================================================== This mobile text message is brought to you by AT&T -
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28 Jun 2009 | 10:07 amthree in a hammock. i am the luckiest :) -
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28 Jun 2009 | 9:43 amLunch on the deck
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Rights of Adoptees
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IN LOVING MEMORY OF A BIRTH SISTER
9 Jun 2009 | 5:53 pmOn May 10, 1997 when I first met Joann and three other birth siblings, my son and I were welcomed into their lives with open, warm & loving arms. It was almost like we had always known each other except the questions that flowed back and forth between the birth siblings, my son and I did indicate differently. Similarities were shared among us and the family physical resemblance was remarkable between us plus the pictures that they had brought along to show Eric and I.On June 6, 2009 I said goodbye to Joann after her passing away suddenly and unexpectedly three days earlier. On July 11… -
ADOPTION IS AVAILABLE
18 May 2009 | 6:59 pmIt was bad enough that President Barrack Obama delivered the 2009 commencement speech at the University of Notre Dame. But then the Notre Dame President Rev. John Jenkins said that we should all work together to make adoption more available.I've been Catholic all my life and for a long time I've been a Notre Dame fan. In my honest opinion President Obama who supports abortion rights should never have been invited to speak and then to receive an honorary degree was a second mistake. He is entitled to his rights just as I am to mine. There will always be people on this earth with differing… -
FABRICATORS AMONG US
8 May 2009 | 6:56 pmFor several years now there have been deceitful adoptees among the Internet adoption community. Several years ago I remember when one pretended to be helping other adoptees subscribed to a mailing list when she was in fact working for a well known company who has financially ripped off many people.Just how new it is for an adoptee to lie about what state they were born or adopted in I don't know. I do understand when an adoptee pretends to live in a certain state when they are trying to get a legislator to listen to them. But to lie to other adoptees to try to gain leadership over them does… -
NO CAUSE FOR CELEBRATION
30 Apr 2009 | 9:49 amI find it so hard to believe that there are supporters of CA AB 372. I question if it is a strong case of stupidity or if they are seeing $ signs before their eyes if this bill would become law. I realize that some of these supporters believe that baby steps are sometimes necessary to achieve success. But they are not stopping to think about the states who have taken baby steps and now how hard advocates are fighting to get open records in those states. It is not just CI programs that are intact in some states that make legislators think that the state is up to date with adoption reform. If… -
BABY STEPS
18 Apr 2009 | 5:51 pmOnce in a while I hear how some think it is just fine to take baby steps to change adoption laws. I cringe every time because I consider it a big mistake. It is not an easy task to change any law and adoption reform is certainly not a popular subject among those who are opposed to open records.Illinois currently has an ineffective Registry and horror stories have resulted from the CI program. But yet in the eyes of many legislators adoption reform is at its best. In 2008 the belief among some was that if records were open to some adopted adults but not all that would be a step toward Illinois…
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Diarrhea of a madman
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Guilt
28 Jun 2009 | 5:28 pmThe second kiddo’s imminent arrival is a mere three months away. We are in the process of clearing out the study so that we can move Lamia in there and leave the smaller, closer room for the n00b. I find I am feeling a little guilty at the uprooting that Lamia is going to go through. She has been so much the center, the focus, of our lives for the past 21 months. She comes before all else, and she knows it. The kid chucks a tantrum if she brings me a book to read to her and I tell her I will do it in 2 minutes. How on earth is this little girl, who has been so doted on, going to handle… -
A confession
21 Apr 2009 | 8:51 amI have been trying to decide what to with this blog. I no longer write here very often. Partly because when I do take the time to write something of substance, I have to deal with it being picked to pieces. Which is OK, that is why I write it in a public environment. But at the same time it is disheartening because even people who are supposed to be on “my side” take exception to my comments on occasion. If I am not even understood by those who should understand me best, obviously I am not writing well enough and thereby making matters worse. So, I closed the blog for awhile. And… -
Puff wants to play
20 Apr 2009 | 10:34 pmPuff is a puppy. Puff loves his family. But most of all, Puff loves to play. Puff says: Lily, will you play with me? Lily says: Go away Puff. I am sleeping. Puff says: Mommy, will you play with me? Mommy says: Not right now Puff. I am busy fixing dinner. Puff says: Daddy, will you play with me? Daddy says: Later Puff. I need to mend this torn book. Puff says: Lamia, will you play with me? Lamia says: I am too little to play with you Puff. Puff is sad. Nobody will play with him. He goes to fetch his ball and tosses it around near Lily. Lily opens one eye. Puff bounces over to Lily and says:… -
Scent of a woman
25 Mar 2009 | 8:07 amHonestly. I thought it was bad enough that we ran out of shower gel so we are now using some lavender body wash that my wife was given for Christmas by an elderly relative. I smell an awful lot like flowers. And then the hot water system, she explode. So now I smell like sweat mixed with lavender, lavishly applied to the body with a damp and uncomfortably temperate washcloth. You really wanted to know this, huh? -
Remember that thing I said that time?
19 Mar 2009 | 7:59 pmAbout how there were momentous events in my life of which two years sobriety was the least? Well now I can talk about the other one. Lamia gets to be a big sister! Let’s not talk about my below average photography skills. In other news, we are in the process of making a date to visit with Sprog’s family. We figure best get it done before we have a new baby, else it will never happen.
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Production, Not Reproduction
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Choose Your Own Blog Adventure
1 Jul 2009 | 10:41 pmI have four blog posts that I fiddled with today and left languishing in the drafts folder. Three books that I started but set aside. Two shows I began watching but never bothered to finish. I seem to have lost my ability to bring anything to conclusion. Which, as a J on the Myers-Briggs scale, is driving me a bit batty.*I did manage to go downstairs awhile this evening. I played with Puppy (so great) and we hung out quite a bit at bedtime. Firefly smiled at me like, "Hey, you look like fun! Who are you?" Then she gave Todd a bunch of giant hugs while looking straight at me, as if to say,… -
Day 7, Wherein Our Heroine Is Driven Mad from Boredom
29 Jun 2009 | 3:20 pmI am (fingers crossed) past the hardest part of my recovery and feeling a lot more like myself again. I still have a week to go on the bedrest, which means I'm am bored out of my ever-loving mind. It turns out there is only so long one can go without being (a) sick or (b) productive without feeling like a giant sloth. I'm hoping to put some of this pent-up energy to good use over the next few days.I miss my babies. They come in to visit me, but it's not the same. -
The Confinement
25 Jun 2009 | 11:00 amWhy, hello! I'm here in day three of The Confinement. Day one, the first day after the surgery, was fantastic. I read two books, I emailed, I twittered, I talked pleasantly with people. This recovery is going to be a breeze, thought I! Then day two came and, holy frak. Day two was awful. Total nausea and the closest thing to a migraine I've ever experienced. (Maybe it was a migraine? How do you know?)A story for you:I was sent home from the hospital with a catheter. (I can't quite believe I just told you that.) This was my #2 fear, my #1 fear being that thing from Dateline where the patient… -
The First Dad
20 Jun 2009 | 11:08 amRay was the sort of bio dad I imagine agency workers love. From the beginning, he told Kelly he would go along with whatever she decided about her pregnancy, and he did, even after they stopped dating. He stuck around when her decision was parenting and he stayed when it turned into placing. He showed up for every meeting and signed whatever he needed to sign. At every step he was so agreeable and affable that I vaguely thought he wasn't all that emotionally invested in his to-be baby. We worried about what placement would be like for Kelly, but never really for Ray.The night Puppy was born,… -
Open Adoption Roundtable #2
19 Jun 2009 | 10:56 amThe Open Adoption Roundtable is a series of occasional writing prompts about open adoption. It's designed to showcase of the diversity of thought and experience in the open adoption community. You don't need to be part of the Open Adoption Bloggers list to participate, or even have a traditional open adoption. If you're thinking about openness in adoption, you have a place at the table. Publish your response during the next week--linking back here so we can all find one other--and leave a link to your post in the comments. If you don't blog, you can always leave your thoughts directly in the…
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Parents for Ethical Adoption Reform
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New Scandal Errupting in China
2 Jul 2009 | 1:19 pmResearch China.org is reporting a new scandal errupting in China over the adoptions of children from the Guizhou Province. Please check the blog for Research China.Below is a Google translated article concerning the situation as published in the Spanish news media: About 80 babies in the province of Guizhou (southwestern China) were confiscated by authorities for family planning to parents who violated the one-child policy in the last eight years and given up for adoption to families from other countries, including Spain, announced today the independent press china.The case, uncovered by the… -
Prospective Adoptive Parent Bill of Rights
1 Jul 2009 | 12:46 pmCompetent Providers: Prospective adoptive parents have the right to an adoption service provider with appropriate high-quality adoption services. Prospective adoptive parents have the right to receive a complete list of qualifications of all providers of adoption-related services. Qualifications include both adoption-related education and training.Ethical Program: Prospective adoptive parents have the right to an ethical and economical adoption program. Prospective adoptive parents have the right to expect honest and complete program information, full fee disclosure, and fee amounts… -
PEAR Open Records Statement
1 Jul 2009 | 8:36 amPEAR supports unrestricted access to birth records for all adults adopted as minors. We do not believe any citizen should be discriminated against by removing the right to obtain their personal, official documents. We oppose the imposition of contact vetoes, court orders or third-party agency interference with an adoptee’s right to access his or her original birth certificate.Adoption should be about the formation of a family for the benefit and best interests of children, not the destruction of identity. As an organization we will support clean legislation submitted in any state that seeks… -
PEAR's National Mental Health Provider and Therapist Directories
22 Jun 2009 | 1:33 pmParents for Ethical Adoption Reform's next post-adoption initiative will be creating and providing two new directories to the public in the fourth quarter of 2009. One will be a National Mental Health Provider Directory that will include licensed child/family therapists, camps, respite care facilities and therapeutic day and residential schools and programs that are known to work with adoptive families or have knowledge about adoption, institutionalization, and/or prenatal substance use issues.The second one will be a National Therapist Directory which will include licensed therapists (such… -
UPDATE: DOS Notice on Nepal June 5, 2009
13 Jun 2009 | 2:26 pmAdoption NoticeU.S. DEPARTMENT OF STATEBureau of Consular AffairsOffice of Children's Issues____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ______June 05, 2009On January 1, 2009, the Ministry of Women, Children and Social Welfare (MWCSW) announced procedures for processing adoptions pursuant to the Government of Nepal's (GON) new Terms and Conditions for adoptions. The initial announcement stated that only 10 applications will be processed from each Embassy, Mission, or enlisted Agency in 2009. Requirements have been provided to all approved agencies. According to Nepali officials, the…
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제인 정의 블로그 Jane's blog
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Korean Adoption Law Revisions
25 Jun 2009 | 4:57 amPlease check the TRACK Web site for a VERY IMPORTANT message about the adoption law revisions in Korea. If you’re on Facebook please RSVP with your committed attendance at http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=96838459482 -
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18 Jun 2009 | 5:51 amKill ‘Em All American War Crimes in Korea part 1 of 5 -
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18 Jun 2009 | 5:51 amKill ‘Em All American War Crimes in Korea part 2 of 5 -
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18 Jun 2009 | 5:51 amKill ‘Em All American War Crimes in Korea part 3 of 5 -
18 Jun 2009 | 5:50 am
18 Jun 2009 | 5:50 amKill ‘Em All American War Crimes in Korea part 4 of 5
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The Daily Bastardette
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ADOPTION MUCKETY-MUCKS CONTINUE TO ACT STUPID OVER "ORPHAN"
1 Jul 2009 | 8:14 pmFocus on the Family's Citizen Link informs us tonight that The Christian Alliance for Orphans has set up Orphans Deserve Better, special webpage for Orphan haters. We mean the movie Orphan, not orphans per se, but once the movie comes out, who knows? The way the anti-Orphan gangbangers are behaving I halfway expect to see mobs in overalls marching house-to-house waving pitchforks and torches hunting down evil orphans.Especially since our Esther rejects her Christian Alliance for Orphans God-loves-me role:Did you know that orphans are put on earth specifically to experience God's love. That's… -
ATLANTA CHURCH WANTS YOU TO LEAVE YOUR BABY WITH IT
1 Jul 2009 | 1:49 amSo much wingnuttery this week, and more to come. Take, Atlanta's Peachtree Presbyterian Church. Please!On June 7, Pastor Vic Pentz, late of Princeton and Fuller Theologicals, announced to his surprised congregation his little extralegal "safe haven" plan for it. According to Ministry Today, Pentz promises that the church will care for any newborn baby that's dropped off at the church."I make a promise to you now and I don't want you to keep this a secret," Pentz said. "The Peachtree Presbyterian Church will care for any newborn baby you bring to this church. We will be the family to find a… -
BOOBUS AMERICANUS: THE MIGRAINE INDUCING MICHAEL JACKSON AND DEBBIE ROWE
30 Jun 2009 | 10:55 amBastardette feels a major migraine coming on. This showed up on TMZ this morning: Jackson/Rowe not the biological parents.Multiple sources deeply connected to the births tell us Michael was not the sperm donor for any of his kids. Debbie's eggs were not used. She was merely the surrogate, and paid well for her services in the births of Michael Jr. and Paris.In the case of Prince Michael II (the youngest), we're told the surrogate was never told of the identity of the "receiving parent" -- Michael Jackson. Three days after Prince was born at Grossmont Hospital in San Diego County, Jackson's… -
REVOLTING ENTITLEMENT BLATHER ON DKOS: "ARTIFICIAL INSEMINATION IS NOT PERVERSE"
29 Jun 2009 | 10:48 amA really revolting blog appeared today on DKos: Artificial Insemination is NOT Perverse - Exclamation PointIn part:We get a call from Texas. A pregnant teen saw our ad and wants us to adopt her baby. HURRAY! We fly down to Texas. We see the baby. Adorable! Cute! A baby! We hold the baby. The mom signs the papers. But where is the bio-dad? Off in Oklahoma. He says he'll sign. But then he can't find a fax machine. Then the mom decides she wants the baby herself. Bye bye baby. I almost committed suicide over that (thanks to my wife for stopping me). I'm not doing that again. We have two kids by… -
"ORPHAN," ESTHER, AND US: ADOPTION MUCKETY-MUCKS LOOK STUPID AGAIN
27 Jun 2009 | 10:27 pmBastardette has really been remiss this month. The truth is, sometimes AdoptionLand is just too tiresome to write about.But along came Esther!I've written about Esther and the film Orphan before. From early reactions I knew the PC adopta muckety-mucks would pull on their jackboots and hup 2-3-4 us around their mulberry bush to the tune of Adoption Uber Alles.Orphan's tagline alone is shocking, I tell you shocking:It must be hard to love an adopted child as much as your own.Why, what adoptee would ever come up with that insidious thought on their own? If adoptees aren't happy and don't feel…
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Joy's Division
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Rhoda and Esther
1 Jul 2009 | 2:46 pmA lot of fuss has dusted up over the Orphan movie and how it must be hard to love an adopted child as much as your own. I think it must be. I could never do it, not to say others with larger hearts couldn’t. I just know my limits. Apparently, the comment made in the trailer has inflamed many an adoptive parent. Which I can understand, I mean it is inflammatory, the premise of the movie is capitalizing on the suspicion being of uncertain origins. It is exploiting a vulnerable population, abandoned children for some fairly unwholesome gain. It is taking all the snide remarks made quietly… -
Philly, Philly, Philly, Philly
25 Jun 2009 | 1:13 pmOMG, I am so wiped out. I can hardly blog because I am so distracted by the whole planning the Philly Phun Phenom. It is really too much, I kid you not. I bet you didn’t know this about me, but I obsessively log every hour I spend in the world, so I know exactly how much work I have put into this–and I am just a small part of it. I can’t decide if I want to go to Manhattan first, if I want to bring Cara, who wants to come, but BUT, but what if I disappear into our self-referential world with her? What if she feels left out, what if she does what she normally does, which is… -
I have been partying like I am Paris Hilton
18 Jun 2009 | 10:53 ambut I am on Sam Sanford’s budget. I need a patron of sorts, you know while I hone my craft of receiving others hospitality. My adoptive parents would never be so irresponsible I can’t help but think. I keep waiting to mature and it keeps not happening. I know my inner adult is in here somewhere waiting to come out and express herself. I just know it. The protest is only a month away, that is also very exciting, I think I am going to be able to swing a trip to Manahattan en route to Philly, even though I owe the phone company quite a bit, oh and if you see my friends from the IRS… -
Foster Care
31 May 2009 | 1:33 pmI think I will take the rejection topic in chunks. I can’t exactly remember how the conversation started, but we were talking about foster care at one point. When I first met my mother she told me she had no idea that I had been fostered, and that it disturbed her. That doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me though because she knew I wasn’t with her and she knew I wasn’t with my adoptive family, so she must have known. Although she would probably say, she just didn’t think about it, she says things like that A LOT. It blows my mind the things she… -
Rejection: I just don’t matter
29 May 2009 | 10:54 pmI had a conversation with my mother recently. She mentioned that she didn’t want me to take it the wrong way, or as if she was being flippant, that I had faced a lot more rejection in my life than most people do. That is true. I want to write about how that feels but I think I am too tired.
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Kimchi Mamas
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Hot dog nuggets
2 Jul 2009 | 2:09 pmOne of my most memorable fights with my mom featured Nathan's hot dog nuggets. Sixteen of them. You know, those that look like miniature corndogs, but without the sticks. They came in a green and yellow paper box with a... -
Open Thread Thursday
2 Jul 2009 | 11:51 amSummer reading I WON'T being doing . . . More kimchi babies! Congrats Mary! It's Open Thread Thursday . . . What's on YOUR mind?! --The Kimchi Mamas -
Open Thread Thursday
25 Jun 2009 | 9:14 amIt's HOT here in Texas! We're going through the DRYEST 22 months. Ever. But that doesn't stop THIS "Kimchi Mama-in-the-making" from playing a little golf . . . How kragee is that?! If you want your own Kimchi Mamas stuff... -
Happy Father's Day
21 Jun 2009 | 11:11 amHappy Father's Day to all the great Dads out there - we love you and are happy to have you in our lives. You make our lives beautiful and FULL . . . and the not-so-great Dads - you are... -
Kid-Friendly Jeju Island
19 Jun 2009 | 11:10 amJeju Island is the honeymoon capital of Korea and therefore "kid-friendly" doesn't immediately come to mind, but my family and I recently had the opportunity to spend a few days there while my dad (who was turning 60) and his...
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We all come from 'Seoul'
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Live and let live... or speak up ?
20 Jun 2009 | 3:57 amThe reason behind my posting today is that nowadays, the Korean government and volounteer organizations have grown stronger and increased an heightened awareness and understanding of the strong and capable international adoptees society. The official Korea wishes to create network and welcoming home programs to support the large number of grown up adoptees, who travel back to Korea for the first time. Students, who can't easily find 7.000 DKK for plane tickets and 5.000 DKK for lodging etc. are the target group for these programmes. This chance should be informed via proper channels and… -
Stay tuned..
18 Jun 2009 | 2:53 pmAnd then came February, March, April, May and June... organizing, meetings, delegations, articles, World Business Summit delegation, OECD Green IT conference in Helsingoer, "Engle og Daemoner" at the cinema, Tante T visits..multiple visits :), Saturdays with nieces in Botanical Gardens, remembering my grandmother and the special key she had, being an artist/painter which allowed her to enter the gardens and paint anytime (mind you my grandmother lived to be 102 years old.. so, she was born before the turn of the last century when the Botanical Gardens weren't open to the public), birthday… -
Hwayobi - even better than Alicia Keys .. if I may say so ^^
21 Feb 2009 | 1:39 pm"Inside-outs" from Korean Danish Adoptee, Copenhagen-based on adoption, identity and modern spirituality -
B-Boyz - this is old but.. still rocking cool entertainment
15 Feb 2009 | 12:34 pm"Inside-outs" from Korean Danish Adoptee, Copenhagen-based on adoption, identity and modern spirituality -
Celebrating The First Full-moon of the year for Good Luck
8 Feb 2009 | 12:02 pmFirst full-moon of the year :)Source: JoongAng Daily"Inside-outs" from Korean Danish Adoptee, Copenhagen-based on adoption, identity and modern spirituality
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Not Mother
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Visiting
7 Jun 2009 | 12:13 pmWhere to begin?Had a panic attack before leaving. I didn't want to go.Once I got there it was good. We went and played at a neighbor's house for awhile. Went back to her house. Played with Play Doh and played Mancala while her mom went to the store.Played outside. Lot's of tag. It was great. Two-person tag. She just liked it when I caught her and lifted her up.She's still big on the whole "I'm her mommy thing." Seems very natural to her.Cooking on the grill, and my daughter wanted to eat outside. So her mom asked us to wash the table. My daughter decided to help by pouring water on the table… -
The Wedding
24 Mar 2009 | 12:41 pmHere. -
Wedding
21 Mar 2009 | 5:16 amTomorrow, my daughter will be the flower girl in my wedding. -
Christmas Visit
2 Jan 2009 | 2:35 pmMy daughter was the most affectionate she's ever been this visit.We had a yummy dinner (of course), played some games, went to an aquarium today.She's still obsessed with the two moms thing. I've graduated to another "mommy". I used to be the mom and her adoptive mother was the"mommy".It wasn't very hard at all to visit. I felt relaxed. I was able to enjoy the unusual affection, and I was able to chit-chat with the adults.All in all, a good time. -
More Visiting Difficulty
29 Dec 2008 | 10:31 amSo I was invited to spend Christmas with them this year. My fiance and I wanted to spend it at home so I declined. The problem is that the only other time they offered was during the week with me babysitting during the day.I just can't do it.I made arrangements to drive out there today with babysitting tomorrow, but I've been in tears since I woke up. The thought of babysitting is throwing me into anxiety mode.I called my fiance to come with me instead. It means another day off for him after he took last week to spend with me, but it's either that or make up some excuse about why I can't go.
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omegamom.com
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Catch-all
27 Jun 2009 | 5:01 pmOur (green)house is a very, very, very fine (green)house So the greenhouse is complete, except for some trim work, as of today. We happily lugged our two “baby” chickens into the greenhouse to provide a contained greeting spot for old hens and new chickens to get accustomed to each other, in preparation to migrating the new birds into the large coop. I have to say, the greenhouse is awesome. OmegaDad did a wonderful job. It’s neat, tidy, sunny, light and warm inside, roomy, has lots of beams to hang plants from, and looks like it may provide a very nice… -
The cold hand of mortality touching my neck
25 Jun 2009 | 4:43 pmPop culture icons of my childhood and early adulthood are dropping like flies. Ed (”Heeeere’s Johnny!”) McMahon, Charlie’s Angel Farrah Fawcett, and now–in a real shocker–Michael Jackson. Fawcett repositioned herself from pop-actress and B- or C-movie star to tragic figure by chronicling her death to anal cancer in a documentary that was shown this May on TV. Ed was, of course, Ed, all the way. Like many others in these uncertain economic times, he was facing foreclosure on his mansion last year, but managed to re-negotiate with help from… -
In protest
23 Jun 2009 | 1:21 amLife has been busy here, Chez OmegaFamily. I have tales of the China Camp finale, the sad tale of how Ruby the duckling died, the rockin’ and rollin’ earthquake (5.4 magnitude) we had this morning that actually caused me to duck down beneath my desk, the bunny that OmegaDotter and her neighborhood girlfriends found, and further progress on the villa/greenhouse complex. But right now, I just want to protest. Remember how I gushed about Mr. L., the elementary school music teacher who is leaving for greener pastures, and how worried I am about who will replace him? Well,… -
Ruby, the problem child
20 Jun 2009 | 1:23 amWe now have a wild duckling in the garage. It’s name is Rhubarb, Ruby for short. I arrived home late from the morning trip to Big City, having dumped the girls at China Camp, dealt with Miss Emily telling me about coping with OmegaDotter and others who were…shall we say, enthusiastic, with the kung-fu instructor, to the point of being annoying. “Enthusiastic” means climbing all over him, swooning on him, teasing him, following him–you name it; Miss Emily did not have to tell me in any detail, because I immediately knew what it was like. … -
Serendipity
19 Jun 2009 | 12:31 amSo there you are, an astronaut on the International Space Station, just motoring along, doing your job, and you get a call from Ground Control. “Say, dudes! Lissen up! There’s this Russian volcano blowing its top, and you dudes are scheduled to be somewhere nearby overhead today…can y’all take a picture for us? Dude, that would be sweet.” So as time approaches the rendezvous with this volcano, from a few miles overhead, you fish out your handy-dandy HD camera and point it out the porthole (or whatever astronauts really do when…
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Adoption Support at Forever Parents
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Adoption PSA
30 Jun 2009 | 5:50 pmShare and Enjoy: -
The Reluctant Spouse
27 Jun 2009 | 8:25 pmThe following article is by Jill Smolowe, author of A Love Like No Other: Stories from Adoptive Parents. My husband and I equally wanted to adopt children but I know that there are couples that struggle with this. The Reluctant Spouse: Don’t be surprised if your mate resists adoption even as you’re embracing it. By Jill Smolowe It had been a long haul to convince my husband to start a family. When biology failed us, he felt the subject of children was closed. By then past 50, Joe was not interested in raising a child whom he inelegantly described as someone else’s kid. That… -
Enjoy A Frosty This Weekend And Support Adoption
19 Jun 2009 | 5:52 amThis Father’s Day Weekend (June 20-21), Wendy’s is helping consumers treat Dad and help foster children at the same time. Wendy’s third annual Father’s Day Frosty Weekend provides an easy and tasty way to support the cause of foster care adoption and help the more than 129,000 children in the U.S. who are waiting for the love of forever families. During Father’s Day Weekend, Wendy’s will donate 50¢ from every Frosty product sold to the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption (DTFA), a national, non-profit public charity dedicated to dramatically increasing the number of adoptions of… -
Support Adoption And Send A Free E-card For Fathers Day
17 Jun 2009 | 2:56 pmIt’s no secret around here that I am a big supporter of the work The Dave Thomas Foundation For Adoption does. Now you can help and it won’t cost you a thing. Create and send a free fathers days e-card, or choose a celebrity created one through their site Frosty Card and Wendy’s will donate 25 cents to The Dave Thomas Foundation For Adoption. Father’s day is this Sunday so stop by their site and send a card today! Reposted at the Forever Parents Adoption Forums. Share and Enjoy: -
Madonna Approved To Adopt Mercy
15 Jun 2009 | 8:34 pmIn a reversal of their original decision, a judge approved Madonna’s appeal to adopt three-year-old Chifundo “Mercy” James from Malawi. Madonna’s initial bid for adoption was rejected after a judge ruled prospective parents must live in the country 18 to 24 months. During Fridays’ hearing, Chief Justice Lovemore Munlo called the so-called residency requirement an old law Madonna released the following statement to US Magazine through her publicist Liz Rosenberg. “I am extremely grateful for the Supreme Court’s ruling on my application to adopt Mercy James. I am…
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Weebles Wobblog
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Readers' favorite posts
6 Jul 2009 | 8:00 amThis post will remain at the top until July 6. See below for recent posts.For my 2 year blogoversary, my readers gave me the most meaningful presents imaginable. They told me which of my posts have made an impression on them.Here are some readers' favorites.Reunion in Open Adoption SeriesPart 1: Considering JoePart 2: Telling TessaPart 3: The horrible waitPart 4: The meetingPart 5: CrashPart 6: -
Guest post: Kym's Parenting Advice to a Googler
3 Jul 2009 | 6:00 am"Real" work calls (the kind that pays, as opposed to blogging) and I'm running a couple of conferences this summer. But to keep my seat warm in my absence, I bring you some of my favorite guest bloggers on Fridays in July. Maybe you already know them, and maybe you will find someone new to follow, but either way you are in for a treat.In her every day life, Kymberli is a post-infertility mother -
Show & Tell: Christmas in July?
1 Jul 2009 | 3:00 pmMy Christmas Cactus seems to be chronologically confused...Can Santa be far behind?Maybe botanists have misclassified this specimen. Perhaps it's really the Independence Day Cactus.To see the showings and tellings of the rest of the class, visit Mel's Show & Tell.***Another day, another chance to vote for Weebles Wobblog. Please click on the blue button, scroll down to the Most Inspiring -
Perfect Moment Monday: Squeals
29 Jun 2009 | 6:00 amPerfect Moment Monday is more about noticing a perfect moment than about creating one. Perfect moments can be momentous or ordinary or somewhere in between.We gather here once a week to engage in mindfulness about something that is right with our world. Everyone is welcome to join. Details on how to participate are at the bottom of this post, complete with bloggy bling.Please visit the links of -
Book Tour: The Land of IF
28 Jun 2009 | 7:00 pmLike so many others, I am excited to have read and to discuss Navigating the Land of IF: Understanding Infertility and Exploring Your Options as this selection of the Barren Bi+ches Book Brigade.Why? Two reasons. One: the author is my friend Melissa Ford; and Two: it's a damn good book. My exile on the island of Infertility and my odyssey back to the mainland would have been much more bearable
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we are everywhere
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Grocery Cart Kisses
30 Jun 2009 | 10:49 amI missed them. The Grocery Cart Kisses.... You know the scene you can see several times at the grocery store on any given afternoon. You stop in to the market on a crowded Saturday for apples, paper towels and hot dog buns; or a make a quick stop in after work for pasta, salad and french bread and you see it.A mother finishes paying for her food and then scoops her child up from the front of the cart and delivers a kiss to her child's sweet, chubby cheek. I believe that those kisses are part of the daily dose of affection manifesting the love that helps to center a child in his or her sense… -
Coming Further Out
1 May 2009 | 9:18 amYesterday, I went to my supervisor to ask about the possibility of my first born being added to the list of my children who receive some pretty nice perks.My voice shook and wavered and I know that I sounded like I might cry. However, I did not cry.Huge relief! I know that several years ago, I would not have even been able to get the words out of my mouth to a supervisor that I unwillingly surrendered my child to adoption due to lack of support from my family and the family of my child's father.I asked if my supervisor would entertain my request and guide me to someone who could answer my… -
Thoughts After a Break
8 Apr 2009 | 6:29 amWhat a long break in time since I have posted. It is also my spring break from school so this week I got out of here for a very short trip to NYC. I got way from the suburbs and went to Manhattan. I cannot at all picture myself living in my 60's, 70's (and hopefully beyond that!) in the suburbs. When the children I had/have the great privilege of raising were babies, my neighborhood was a morgue and it is still with no humans seen on the street during the daytime. Only at night are humans spotted. So, as soon as my "baby" is out of the nest; I. Am. Outta here.I feel absolutely trapped in the… -
Dad
21 Nov 2008 | 7:52 amDad,Thank you for the birthday card and the check. I used the money while on a short trip out to see my first born son. I needed the cash for travel and didn't have time to go to the bank. However, I am going to send the same amount to a young single mother who I know could use a bit of extra cash.You must be settled into your winter home by now. Just before you left, we met for a supper and I asked you if you were going to arrive in time to practice for your choir's Christmas concert.You said that the spring concert is the most important and that it didn't matter to you so much if you were… -
Makes me want to scream!
9 Nov 2008 | 6:41 amYesterday at the airport, I saw a couple with a little boy of about 2 years old. I did a triple take as I was so confused. However, not as confused as I think this little boy will be in about 10 years or so.The woman was pushing the child in a stroller and the man was nearby. The boy had beautiful light brown skin; black hair and bright brown eyes. The woman clearly belongs to a religious group. She was wearing a long prairie style cotton dress and wore her hair up in a little white bonnet. She had very light skin as did the man.I am so enraged for the young child. I do realize that I do not…
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Therapy Is Expensive
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Password
28 Jun 2009 | 10:12 amOriginally posted the last post over at my non-adoption blog but figured I’d put it here too since I don’t remember having posted pics of Kidlet. If you’d like the password let me know therapyisexpensive [at] hotmail [dot] com -
Protected: It’s Not Like Mixing Paint
28 Jun 2009 | 10:09 amThis post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below: Password: -
Good Parents Speak English?
21 Jun 2009 | 10:22 amA woman speaks Chatino and gives birth in a Mississippi hospital. The hospital staff brings in a Puerto Rican interpreter, whom the new mother didn’t understand. The hospital calls the woman negligent and unfit. She loses her baby. I’m sick and don’t have the energy to comment, except to say WTF. -
Roundtable Redo
15 Jun 2009 | 4:44 pmSo I made an attempt to address the first OA Roundtable prompt (an admittedly lame attempt but an attempt all the same). I consider my last attempt lame because I couldn’t come up with an answer. Seven years into OA and I couldn’t answer: What do you know now that you wish you knew then? Has the reality of open adoption as it’s looked in your life matched your expectations? What one thing about open adoption would you tell your past self, if you could? I started writing with an idea in mind but by the time I got to the end all I had in me was an, “I don’t… -
Therapy Fail
9 Jun 2009 | 9:26 pmThe fact that I can’t get through a five minute phone call soliciting therapy is probably a pretty good indicator that I NEED therapy. Of course its just one more barrier to me actually getting therapy. Yay for tears at inopportune moments (heavy sarcasm). Now time to go to bed and ignore the urge to throw up.
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singout
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Facing My Creations
1 Jul 2009 | 8:34 amCaring for children, raising children is great creative expression. My daughter gave me an idea about creativity being a spiritual expression, that by creating we are emulating our creator. Raising children can be contributing to the positive growth of a loving human being. Looking at how this works as a natural but missing mother, I have to go past my own misunderstanding to loving myself. I have to nurture awareness in myself. Awareness of me and my daughter and everyone else in our families. Before I can do that I have to love myself enough to bear the awareness. If I had known at… -
Prayer of Purpose
26 Jun 2009 | 12:15 pmMichael’s song of unconditional loving Will You Be There lyrics Hold Me Like The River Jordan And I Will Then Say To Thee You Are My Friend Carry Me Like You Are My Brother Love Me Like A Mother Would You Be There? Weary Tell Me Will You Hold Me When Wrong, Will You Scold Me When Lost Will You Find Me? But They Told Me A Man Should Be Faithful And Walk When Not Able And Fight Till The End But I’m Only Human Everyone’s Taking Control Of Me Seems That The World’s Got A Role For Me I’m So Confused Will You Show To Me You’ll Be There For Me And Care Enough To… -
First Contact
25 Jun 2009 | 4:52 pmI’ve botched answering my daughter’s questions in the past. It is harder than asking and has greater responsibility. I’d like to start at the beginning, but I’m not sure where it is. That could be several posts. Birthing Joy was the highest point of my teenage life. It seemed like the room filled with delicately pulsing gold and white light. It was transcendent. The lowest point in my life was relinquishing her. No question. Nothing has impacted me like that. I learned that emotional devastation isn’t going to kill me by itself. … -
Big Bang Theory
21 Jun 2009 | 12:59 pmI feel like I’m getting ready to say goodbye. Most likely it’s just a transition approaching. I was thinking of starting at the beginning and the Do re mi song from The Sound of Music played “a very good place to start” in my head. But then where is the beginning? The beginning of creation? How did the great mystery start? So many explanations tire me. And I recalled a favorite upliftment technique, listening to Paul Thorn’s Mission Temple Fireworks. I’d like to spread some fun around. One beginning was my first blog post as Being Me at 3:51… -
Commitment
25 May 2009 | 2:54 pmI’ve heard that Marriage, in order to be successful, requires 100 percent commitment to loving. I know I don’t fulfill that. But it keeps me in the game. I keep it as a reference, a possibility. If I could do that 100% that would be awesome. We sometimes exhibit less-than-loving behavior. Rachel and Lori over at DNA Diaries have been examining what makes reunion work. Commitment was one of the touchstones. That one touched me. I thought of Joy’s ambivalence towards our relationship. She used to pull away at times, to protect herself, which used to wreak…
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The Roads I've Taken
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Home Movies and Infinite Love
9 Jun 2009 | 5:02 amMy parents were more picture takers than home movie people. I am the oldest of 5 kids and I suspect the cameras for home movies were more expensive than what they could afford. Our lives are documented through dozens of photo albums. When I was asked if I wanted to see L as a child in video, I of course, said YES!! I wasn’t sure how I would feel about it, but I know myself. I have learned how to bury my emotions where L is concerned, very deep. I have had a lot of practice in doing this over the years. So after getting home from the verbal assault by Auntie Rosie, we… -
Graduation Weekend Highlights
8 Jun 2009 | 9:19 amWell, to update, I went to my daughter’s graduation from college in May. It was very overwhelming on so many levels, but a milestone in relationships in other aspects. I stayed at her house for 4 days and really got a chance to get to know all 3 of them in very different ways. In that regard, it was very enlightening, and by the end of the weekend, I really felt like an addition to their family, instead of odd man out. Any trip where being with “family” is a concern, there are always those one or two bad apples……….Instead of worrying about them and… -
Just a Little Frustrated
27 Feb 2009 | 5:29 pmWith my daughter’s 22nd birthday approaching at alarming rate, I find I have a mix of happiness and sadness.Today, I definitely felt the sadness.Maybe I should say the mix of sadness with frustration that can only come from loving the child I gave birth to, but according to Hallmark I can’t buy a suitable card. Why, you ask?? “Through the years of raising you, my heart was always filled with the promise of what I knew you would become.” “A mother could never be more proud of raising a daughter such as you.Happy birthday, my darling daughter.” “I knew before you were born I would… -
Each Year That Passes
20 Feb 2009 | 8:22 amI don’t think I have ever been so happy to see spring around the corner. We are due for more snow this weekend, but in my mind I know it is almost over, and none too soon. I suffer from (mild) Seasonal Affective Disorder, and I no longer take meds but cope on my own. Each year that passes, seems to get a little easier. LO definitely keeps me busy and that is a HUGE plus. For me, a busy mind and body, are a distracted mind and body. It hasn’t been too bad this winter, but I was definitely blah more than the average person. I started exercising this January and I… -
Graduating?? From college?? How old am I??
18 Feb 2009 | 12:14 pmOkay, so I took some time off, and I guess I really do have a lot of things on my mind. It just never seems to be easy to get those thoughts into a readable form from my messy mind. I also worry too much about how people will feel about what I write. I guess I shouldn’t really care since it is not like I have thousands of fans anyway! The biggest news in my little world is that I am going to my daughter’s graduation from college in May. L invited me as did her parents. I will be staying at their home, and although I feel very comfortable talking to them on the phone, and…
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According To Addie
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This Is Weird
1 Jul 2009 | 10:08 amDid I ever tell you about the time I met Billy Mays? Yep. I met Billy Mays. Several years ago hubby and I attended a grocery trade show in Lincoln, NE. It was just the trill ride it sounds like. Every other industry in the world has trade shows in places like New York, or even Las Vegas, where there is a damn thing to do. But the grocery industry seems to favor places like Lincoln or Tulsa. While I suppose it does make doing things like buying chewing gum and detergent seem more interesting by contrast, it’s not something that you look forward to all year. This trade show went… -
It’s Time For Camp
1 Jul 2009 | 7:06 amNo not THAT camp. The girls at Grown In My Heart have put together a book about cultural enrichment for adoptees, if they like it or not. Here’s the official announcement.. Traditionally, a culture camp brings together adopted children from around the world so they can share their experiences with each other. Some camps offer sleep away camp settings while others only offer day camps. Children and adults learn about culture, history, adoption heritage, and intolerance and character. Most culture camps enrich cultural literacy include physical activities, world music and crafts. By… -
I Met Michael Jackson. Really. I Did.
26 Jun 2009 | 9:48 amIt was back when he wasn’t too big a deal. After the Jackson 5 had kind of cooled off and before Michael’s career as a solo artist really took off. It must have been 1974. My family was on vacation at Disney World, we were staying in the Royal Palace Hotel. Michael and at least some of his brothers were also staying there. We wouls see them by the pool. One evening my sister and I, being bored with the pool, ventured into the game room to see what was going on. This was before video games, so about all there were pinball machines and a Foosball table. There were a few… -
The National Council for Adoption: Mothers, Money, Marketing, and Madness, Part 1 – DivineCaroline
26 Jun 2009 | 7:06 amThought I’d share this with you guys. Very well worth reading. The National Council for Adoption: Mothers, Money, Marketing, and Madness, Part 1 – DivineCaroline Shared via AddThis -
I Saw Your Name In the Paper..
25 Jun 2009 | 7:41 amIn my neck of the woods folks used to say, “I saw your name in the paper..” when you had got in trouble for something. A speeding ticket, owing back property taxes, receiving an honor from a church or organization of which they weren’t a member, etc. All that changed in the 1980’s when we finally got cable TV. From then on it was, “I saw your name on the cable.” It was a wondrous thing when my town finally got cable, it changed everything. Up until that time there was only one channel that would come in reliably. You might be able to get 2 or 3…
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Finding Jane Doe
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Father's Day
21 Jun 2009 | 9:58 pmSeems appropriate that the last post I managed on here was for Mother's Day. I can't seem to manage to find time for real updates here, but I always manage to update for the difficult events.Not that I have anything to report, mind you. My biological "father" still hasn't acknowledged my existence. And I'm still working on being okay with that. I'm not, mind you. But the one upside of the insanity which has been life the last few months is that I don't even have time to worry about these issues. Not that they've gone away. Just that they aren't in the forefront of my consciousness. I did call… -
Mother's Day
13 May 2009 | 10:21 pmMother's Day has come and gone. I spoke to both my mothers. It was nice talking to my first mom. It was a little strange talking to my adoptive mom. But both conversations were pleasant. And they were both happy to hear from me.And it got me thinking... What ever hang-ups I have with my father, they seem to pale in comparison with the hang-ups I have with my mother (my adoptive mother). Is it because he was around and she wasn't? Is it because I expected more from her, and so could have a bigger let down? Is there something different about the way we think about our mothers? It seems bizarre. -
Mother's Day Cards
3 May 2009 | 9:44 pmI'm desperately trying to resume some kind of normalcy in life, with some success. Our basement is being returned to its previous state, albeit slowly. The semester is winding down (though the meetings haven't eased up). In general I'm beginning to think we might just come out of this without too much more difficulty. *knock on wood* So today I looked for Mother's Day cards. After two months of not thinking about adoption, today I couldn't avoid it. It seemed the every card either made direct reference to birth or made some observation about how mom was always there for you. Only one of the… -
Still Nothing New
31 Mar 2009 | 10:58 pmWe had to evacuate over the weekend. Our house survived, mostly, but we're not back in it yet. We hope to be in a few days. I hope for an update next week. -
No Real Update
23 Mar 2009 | 7:32 pmSorry for the lack of any real updates. I hope to post next week. I'm currently in the middle of helping my community prepare for what could very well be a record flood. I'm spending much of my days sandbagging and hoping for the best.
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Baby Love Child
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On so called “Secrecy”
29 Jun 2009 | 3:45 pmMarley/Bastardette has done a post on what can only be termed a nauseating diary and comment thread over on Daily Kos- REVOLTING ENTITLEMENT BLATHER ON DKOS: “ARTIFICIAL INSEMINATION IS NOT PERVERSE” Bastardette, my partner Mike Doughney, and I have a number of comments on the thread, though some of the posts on the thread have been blinking in and out of “hidden” status, due to rampant abuse of the dKos troll rating system. In any case, much as there are a number of important points brought out by the few voices of saneity on the thread, I felt this comment I scrawled… -
The Gumm murder-suicide, Kylie and Tyler were adoptees
6 Jun 2009 | 3:48 pmBrent Wojahn/ The Oregonian Friday May 29th Kylie and Tyler Gumm were murdered by their adoptive father, James Gumm, in Oregon before he turned the gun on himself. While there are a fair number of stories covering the deaths, there’s been very little coverage of the fact that the children were adoptees. Here are a few links by way of general backgrounder: Ore. father who killed kids, self was upset over divorce HILLSBORO, Ore. — James Gumm took his two young children to the Jackson Bottom Wetland Preserve in Hillsboro on Friday morning and shot them at close range, killing them,… -
CA AB 372- afternoon update!
13 May 2009 | 3:03 pmNo time to blog at the moment. Go see the Daily Bastardette for details from today’s hearing on California AB 372-. For once, it’s a bit of what could be good news, CALIFORNIA AB 372 SENT TO SUSPENSE FILE as Marley said, The committee has until May 25 to retrieve it from suspension, but because of the costs involved, the bill is likely to expire there. and I don’t think it’s a bad idea to keep those cards and letters comin‘ kiddies! -
URGENT ACTION ALERT- California AB 372
12 May 2009 | 8:47 pmThe CARE-tastrophe continues unabated. Just when you thought the mess out in California couldn’t get any stupider, AB 372 now apparently is projected to come with an 8 million dollar start up cost. Yes, you read that right $8 million, even as California is in the depths of fiscal crisis and budget hearings. (It’s really impossible to pick any one link as any form of overview of the situation in CA, if you’re not familiar with the the budgetary crisis a simple websearch will turn of more than enough articles to get you up to speed.) AB 372 as currently proposed is simply… -
Slate’s “The Orphan Trade- A look at Families Affected by Corrupt International Adoptions”
10 May 2009 | 9:32 pmAs part of the Mother’s Day-a-palooza all over the net Sunday, Slate included a piece focusing on international adoption corruption with profiles of ten cases, The Orphan Trade, A look at families affected by corrupt international adoptions. As always, the article leads off with an assumption, that most couples would never willingly participate in the act of international child buying, an assumption I question deeply in some cases, Who wants to buy a baby? Certainly not most people who are trying to adopt internationally. And yet too often—without their knowledge—that’s what…
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omommawrites.com
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Birthday Present in July
2 Jul 2009 | 2:20 pmI’m feeling a little more normal, as long as I don’t over do it and just don’t talk. Apparently I sound like an old lady when I do talk, plus it just hurts. So instead of talking, I’ve been playing with my new gadget: Yes, it’s a Nikon D60. Go ahead and drool, cause I am. [...] -
Unveiling the Project
1 Jul 2009 | 8:56 amWhile I’m recovering from my nasty cold and going to use Savannah’s nap time to nap myself, just thought I’d share my project for my last class. The assignment was a creative one that expresses what feminist issues are close to you and what you can do to help. My biggest issue right now? Raising [...] -
Quicky
29 Jun 2009 | 5:09 pm1. I’m alive. But sick. Sorry if I’m not around this week, I might not even make it to school tomorrow *gasp*. 2. Savannah is home! She grew even in the two weeks she was gone. 3. Two giveaways on Review blog! ©2009 . All Rights Reserved.. -
Missing My Belly
22 Jun 2009 | 8:00 amWhile I am still at peace and know there is nothing I could have done about my miscarriage, I’m seeing pregnant people everywhere or stumbling across their blogs where they describe pregnancy stuff…and it stabs me in the heart. While at Best Buy on Friday I was watching Mark and Brother-In-Law play Rock Band when a pregnant [...] -
Happy Father’s Day
21 Jun 2009 | 2:01 pm©2009 . All Rights Reserved..
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Second Time Around
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You Can't Change What Happened
22 Jun 2009 | 4:43 amMy last post had a comment that I thought needed to be answered.I had said in my previous post:"If my natural mother was willing to finally come to terms with the decisions she has made in her life…"Anonymous said:“Tell me how a mother, and she is your mother, has to come to terms with a decision that more than likely was pushed on her. So many adoptee's can't and don't understand that WE mothers didn't want to surrender our babies, there was no alternative, no help, anywhere.”My natural mother had a secret for years. ME. Then 21 years later, after I was born, I forced that secret out. -
My Puzzle Is Complete
3 Jun 2009 | 7:17 amGrowing up adopted, I always wondered what it would be like to be around my natural mother. The word "relationship" really never entered my mind until years later after we had reunited. My feelings have bounced all over the place in 41 years.I believe I have connected the last piece of the puzzle when it comes to my natural mother. What a good feeling that is. I can look at our relationship now and see the big picture. I always thought that if I could see the big picture or even get to the end of the tunnel, then I would be finally settled in our relationship.I can not say the same for my… -
Accepting What Is Given
28 May 2009 | 7:00 pmAfter thinking things through, I have finally put the pieces together on my relationship with my nmother. For the last year and a half my life changed drastically. I became someone else in my quest for seeking me it seems.When I decided to start my relationship back up with my nmother, I started to change who I was. I was trying to be my nmother's daughter. Trying to be a part of her family. At the same time, I was burying the person who I was. It seemed I became very stressed out about life and that my life had a tornado running right smack down the middle of it.Since my last writing and… -
I Am One Person
8 Apr 2009 | 6:57 amOk, here is the deal why I haven't written in awhile. My nmother's office goes on a 4-day weekend trip every year. She asked me to go with her this year.I can say we haven't spoken since we have been back. I realize now how different we are and how my upbringing was totally different than how she brought up her other 2 children. For 4 days I could do nothing right. It seems that she doesn't only notice the different mannerisms that I have, she has to voice them as well now.I am not sure if she treated me the way she did because we were with all her office friends or what. Her office knows who… -
What She Really Feels
23 Mar 2009 | 10:33 amOne of my conversations I had with my nmother this weekend:nMom: "I don't feel like I am your mother, but I feel that you are my daughter."Me: "I don't feel like you are my mother, but I feel I am your daughter."Are we the only reunited mother/daughter that feels like this?Even though I call her "Mom" it still takes that one second pause to get it out. It doesn't seem like I have that mother/daughter bond that my amother and I have. I know in time that this will come, but I still don't have it. It gets easier and easier as time passes, but we still have a ways to go.
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Land of the Not-So-Calm
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Thirtysomething Years Ago Today
29 Jun 2009 | 9:36 am… I might have been born. Another “birthday”. Another year. And still, the same things that were unknown before are unknown now. Perhaps, as The Man in Black says, I should get used to disappointment: Inigo Montoya: Who are you? Man in Black: No one of consequence. Inigo Montoya: I must know… Man in Black: Get used to disappointment. Except that rather than wanting [...] -
One Year Ago Today, Our Tears
31 May 2009 | 3:00 am…flowed like the Han River, carrying our sorrow to mingle with your body in the earth, as our love joined the light of your spirit in the skies. ******************************* We remember… Julia Ji-Hye Mendelson. If you have a moment, take a look at some of the outpouring of emotions that followed Julia’s passing one year ago today, on May 31 [...] -
Sonmul! (Part 1)
27 May 2009 | 12:34 pmFrom my friend: Posted in Korean Food -
Congratulations, 이선균!
24 May 2009 | 3:26 am*dreamy sigh* More pics here. Posted in Hallyu, K-Dramas Tagged: Coffee Prince, Hallyu, 한류, 이선균, Lee Seon-kyun -
An Open Letter
14 May 2009 | 8:34 pmRant ahead. Standard warnings apply. Dear Adoptive Parents, Social Workers, and Anyone Else Who Organizes Adoption-Related Events: When adult adoptees offer to give of their time, sit on your panel, share their insights and experiences, write you long and extensive emails, give you feedback, or do anything else that helps YOU, please keep in mind just that [...]
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I Should Really Be Working....
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Howdy, Google!
2 Jul 2009 | 4:46 pmConfession: I’ve been a little afraid of Google for the past couple of years. I know that I have some SIL’s that spend WAY too much time “googling” people, things, places, whatever, and seeing where it takes them. As such, I’ve had my blog set to a quasi private state….If you specifically looked up “should really be working” then yes, you’d find me. But if you typed in jury duty or face slapping (which reminds me – he’s gotta make an appearance soon…) or dirty jenga? You wouldn’t end up on MY page. Today? Well, I… -
Hey Library: I’M A FIRST MOM!
1 Jul 2009 | 7:30 pmI don’t have internet at my apartment right now….A long time ago Roomie and I had the internet. She moved, and our Wi-Fi went with her. Then Husker moved in and Jack and his roomie got Wi-Fi. We just got the password So we trudged along, stealing using their internet with their permission until one day Husker’s computer just wouldn’t connect! Since I’m not as close with the neighbors as I once was (which is expected considering we were at one point, well, CLOSE!) I’m not sure what happened to their internet. We still hang out, but I don’t want to be a… -
Talk About JUNK Email
30 Jun 2009 | 1:07 pmEver since my thanksgivingmom email address was hacked and asked all of my friends for money, I’ve been VERY cautious of it. As the “owner” of four email addresses, I am used to inboxes being inundated with junk. My oldest email address is fondly known as my junk email addy. It’s the email address where I correspond with Cyber Bestie and by Bostonian boyfriend the Patriot, but for the most part it’s where I get offers to buy tickets to sporting events, surveys, and of course, the inevitable offers to enlarge my penis. That I don’t have. My work email is… -
When the Roller Coaster Stalls
29 Jun 2009 | 11:42 amOpen adoption (hell, all adoption, not to mention reunion) can be this crazy roller coaster of emotions. Don’t believe me? Read my blog! Haha. One minute I’ll be lamenting the weeks of quiet after I’ve made contact. The next minute I’ll be practically shouting from the rooftops that I’ve got new pictures, or a new story about Cupcake. The highs, the lows, it can all be very dramatic, exciting, and exhausting. But there’s this sense that something’s happening – even when that something is the observing that nothing is happening. (Am I losing you… -
Adoption Free Friday: Gosh, Recognition Feels GOOD!
27 Jun 2009 | 9:09 amOkay, so it’s posting a day late, but I couldn’t get to the computer yesterday….. After a couple of years of being thrown under busses at my work, I often get a little……whiney. My position consists of lots of behind the scenes work, with very little opportunity to take credit. Successes are seen as a “team effort,” for which my boss often gets/takes the glory. Failures? Are largely assigned to the person with the lesser title. The lesser paycheck. (Spoiler alert: that’s me). Now, in all fairness, I don’t need or expect some grand…
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American Family
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tap tap tap
22 Jun 2009 | 5:54 am…is this thing on? Yeah, so I took a long break from blogging and I didn’t miss it at all. I am not sure exactly what that means for me. Am I ready to close up shop? I don’t know. Maybe. For a long time, I processed a lot of what was going on in my head [...] -
Fear and Choice
1 Jun 2009 | 6:18 pmI can’t read the news today. Every time I catch a glimpse of the story of Dr. Tiller’s murder, I get teary. When we lived in San Francisco, I worked in an abortion clinic. Actually, it was a women’s health clinic that happened to perform abortions. Every day, I sat behind to a window of bullet [...] -
stalker.
29 May 2009 | 9:05 pmWe got an offer on the house today. Actually, we got two, but one was way way too low. I am a bit uncomfortable with the other one, because it involves a contingency to sell their house. We are thinking about it and haven’t decided to accept or not. After stressing about it for a while, I [...] -
Comings and Goings
22 May 2009 | 10:15 amThings are moving forward around here. We have had several more showings after a very busy open house. I have been fighting my phone-phobia and calling all the realtors for feedback. So far, I have been told the house is “adorable” and “lovely” and “shows beautifully”, which is good to hear. The only negatives we have [...] -
Real Estate Karma
17 May 2009 | 2:41 pmYou know how they say when things seem too good to be true, they probaby are? Yeah, Those people are right. Last night, we found out that the offer on our house fell through. We are a bit disappointed, but to be honest, things had been getting weirder and weirder with those people. We are glad [...]
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The Adoptee Rights Demonstration
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What to wear? What to wear?
26 Jun 2009 | 4:36 amAs the day for the rally draws closer, we’d like to make a suggestion for you to wear green, the color to symbolize restoring access to our original birth certificates, to the Adoptee Rights Demonstration on July 21st in Philadelphia. While we’re talking about green, were you aware there are lovely green Adoptee Rights [...] -
Last day for discount hotel reservations!
19 Jun 2009 | 5:04 amToday is the last day to get a $105 rate at the Comfort Inn. Reservations made after today will be suject availability and the prevailing rate (currently $160 - $210) Visit the Hotel Information page for details on how to make your reservation, and we can’t wait to see you in beautiful Philadelphia! -
New postcards available to print and send!
11 Jun 2009 | 4:59 amA hardworking volunteer for the rally has made some postcards you can print and send to your state representatives. You can find these on the ‘Help Spread The Word‘ page. These postcards are formatted to work with Avery Postcards products 3263, 3377, 3381, 5689, 8383, 8387, 8577, or any cardstock paper. Postcards are available in [...] -
Beautiful new animated logo for the Philly Rally
2 Jun 2009 | 7:30 amWe have a beautiful new animated logo available: The code to add it to your site is: <a href=”http://adopteerights.net/“><img aligncenter width=”125″ alt=”fight-for-adoption-records-adoptee-rights-philly” src=”http://i482.photobucket.com/albums/rr181/adopteerightsphilly/ARD_AlltopAd3.gif“/></a> -
Monday June 1st marks the 50 day point until the protest!!
28 May 2009 | 5:56 amHello All! Monday June 1st marks the 50 day point until the protest!! Our second wave of the letter writing campaign is set for this day. I urge you all to write your state legislators and ask that they introduce legislation in their state allowing unrestricted access to original birth certificates for all adult adoptees. Let them [...]
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Harlow's Monkey
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CNN.com: Single Black Women Choosing to Adopt
3 Jul 2009 | 6:22 amFrom CNN.com: a very interesting article about single Black women and adoption. The part of the article that discusses colorism in adoption within the Black community was very interesting. In my work in the public foster care adoption system, I did not see this colorism. Perhaps it was because the single Black women who were adopting from the public foster care system had much different concerns about the children they were going to adopt. Also interesting to me is the criticism leveled by the African American community towards these women adopting within their own community. Once again… -
Historic step for adoptee rights, adoptees urge full inclusion in adoption law revision process
2 Jul 2009 | 6:22 amSeoul, July 1, 2009 (TRACK) – Fifty overseas Korean adoptees and their allies participated in the second public hearing on the revision of South Korea’s civil and overseas adoption laws Wednesday at the Ministry of Health, Welfare and Family’s second public hearing sponsored by the Korean Women’s Development Institute (KWDI). The discussion marked the first time in 56 years of international Korean adoption that overseas Korean adoptees represented their own interests in a governmental forum. The ministry is revising both the laws on domestic adoption and intercountry adoption, called… -
A different way of thinking about orphanages in Africa
26 Jun 2009 | 7:44 amThanks to Rich for the link. From the New York Times, an article about an innovative and different way of dealing with orphans in Tanzania. “In less wealthy nations, people are being very creative,” said Kathryn Whetten, an expert on orphan care from Duke University. She had not seen the orphanage in Berega or encountered others like it. But that did not surprise her. Little is known about orphan care in Africa, she said, because little research has been done. On a recent trip to Moshi, a Tanzanian city of about 150,000, she said, local officials knew of three orphanages. She and her… -
Reading with chopsticks
24 Jun 2009 | 7:29 amLast week our family went on our summer vacation and since I have been reading nothing but academic textbooks about research, statistics and public policy and social work theory, I needed something to read that was purely for fun. That is how I ended up bringing along only food writing. The Fortune Cookie Chronicles by Jennifer 8 Lee was the first one I read. How fitting that by the time I'd finished this book, my adoptive parents (who we were vacationing with) took us out to a Chinese buffet. Everything I'd learned from Jennifer 8 Lee was experienced first hand. Growing up, my only… -
Do white adoptive fathers of black or biracial-black daughters get a pass?
23 Jun 2009 | 6:05 amOne of my favorite blogs had this post this past week - The Race™-Approved White Guys. Authors AJ Plaid and Fiqah write, [W]e’ve composed a list of white guys who are deemed The Race™-sanctioned—any Black female performer can be seen with these white performers and know she’s doing right by Us™. Our criteria: We know they’ve dated, are dating, are married to, have and/or have babies by Black women. (Having Black or Black biracial daughters, adopted or biological, is an added bonus. ‘Cause, as some of us wanna believe, if the white guy can touch/sex up/adopt/father a sistah,…
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Peter's Cross Station
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Proud of My Girls
25 Jun 2009 | 8:05 amSelina:A couple of days ago, Selina mistook someone on the street for Babysitter J (her favorite person on the planet Earth). She called his name happily, but we told her it was someone else. The man turned around and looked at her with distinct annoyance on his face. "Say hi!" we cajoled Selina, because we felt awkward. But after a couple of times being told this, Selina looked the obviously disgruntled man in the eye and said, calmly, "I don't want to say hi."Well good for her. She shouldn't have to make us feel less awkward about a perfectly harmless… -
Garden Growing
23 Jun 2009 | 8:38 pmThese are my squash. It's difficult to see them, and yes, they are teensy, but there are four little squash on the vine so far. This was taken two days ago and the "big" one here in the middle is already twice this size and the next biggest one is this big. My other squash died after being decimated by a sudden thunderstorm. Its main stem broke and that was all she wrote. But I am somewhat surprised and definitely pleased by how well the remaining one is doing. Next year, I'll probably plant four of these. This is the same plant, but I wanted you to see… -
We Did!
21 Jun 2009 | 7:36 amI know it's Father's Day today and many of you are celebrating that. We have many wonderful fathers (and faery godfathers!) in our lives and we wish them all the best. But for our two-mom family, today is special for another reason:Six Years Ago Today -
Twittering, Tweeting, Whatever
19 Jun 2009 | 11:54 amAs lilysea. Follow me. You know you want to.Sigh. -
This Just In!
11 Jun 2009 | 4:15 pmOnce Chastity, now Chaz Bono is transitioning to male. Congrats Chaz and thanks for being such a brave leader of LGBT issues.
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Adopt This!
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Well That Was Depressing
30 Jun 2009 | 10:21 pmAnd yet very true to my heart. I don’t know…I feel pretty good. Except when I think about the fact that there is a woman who gave birth to me who once again I don’t want to talk to. I know that this is not the mature way to handle my situation but I don’t really know what to do anymore. I think maybe I should call my therapist. Maybe she has some answers for me. Because I sure don’t have any. I just wish it could all go away. -
Hurts
28 Jun 2009 | 11:24 amWhy don’t you know how to be what I need? Why can’t you see me? Don’t throw money at me. I don’t care about money. Don’t give me stuff. I don’t care about stuff. Stuff doesn’t change anything. Look at me. Look at me. See me for who I am not for who you dreamed I would be. Because I seem to be good enough for everybody but you. And that’s the way it’s been since the day I was born. And I am good enough. I am good enough for me. And I don’t owe you anything. Our story is such a sad one. You broke my heart before I even knew… -
My Computer Died
3 Jun 2009 | 9:35 pmKaput. It just wouldn’t turn on. It turns out that after five years of wear and tear, my little mac just couldn’t take it anymore. Thank goodness the hard drive was ok. Shew! So now I am back in business. I have things I want to say but I am too tired at the moment. AND MY KIDS WILL NOT STAY IN BED! It’s a good thing they are so freakin’ cute (I put that in for you Addie). Anyhoo, things are good for me. I got my new computer, I’m off work for the summer and I have a new ipod. I haven’t heard from T since I emailed her that I would not be able to spend… -
“Issyfits”
30 May 2009 | 1:59 pmAmyAdoptee calls my rants “issyfits” which cracks me up. Every time I have one on my blog, my stats jump through the roof! Crazy. I signed up to run another marathon today for the Leukemia Lymphoma Society. Did you know that my my mother was all set to keep me until she called home and learned that her mother had been diagnosed with Lymphoma? Her brother drove up to where she was and forced her to sign the papers. She didn’t want to. You always hear about people whose lives are changed by cancer but I bet not many who were given up for adoption because of it. Crazy. And… -
And…
29 May 2009 | 9:22 pmTo the person who found this blog by searching the words “my adoptive mother hates me”… oh no! That is horrible. I am so sorry. You need to get you butt over to AAFC right now! Click on this link here. And to any other adoptee looking for a place to call home, please head over to the best adoptee forum evah! We take all kinds, really. And we do our best to support each other. And we even have yummy bbq’s! It’s a place by adoptees and for adoptees and it’s an excellent place to find out that even when things seem dark, you are never alone.
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Welcome to my Brain
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Well, you see, kids ...
2 Jul 2009 | 7:43 pmWhen a man and a woman love each other very much, and the man's prostate is enlarged, or he drinks too much ... [[ this is only a blurb - get your butt over to my site for the rest of it - www.welcometomybrain.net ]] -
"Mom, what is 'male enhancement?'"
2 Jul 2009 | 7:12 amAsks one of my daughters as all five kids are watching LITTLE HOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE at 9:12 am! What amazes me is how I know advertisers do heavy research on WHEN to place their ads. Apparently,... [[ this is only a blurb - get your butt over to my site for the rest of it - www.welcometomybrain.net ]] -
Magical Milk Pic-o-the-Week
30 Jun 2009 | 4:50 am(photo by Time Inc. Vietnamese refugee, December 1953) [[ this is only a blurb - get your butt over to my site for the rest of it - www.welcometomybrain.net ]] -
Talking it out ... again
29 Jun 2009 | 11:52 amSaturday night was ... interesting. Mar was quite clearly escalating. She was communicating, but without words. She knows she is allowed to do anything she wants in her room, so she was throwing... [[ this is only a blurb - get your butt over to my site for the rest of it - www.welcometomybrain.net ]] -
My apologies to all Grease fans
28 Jun 2009 | 9:06 amA little highlight from my two weeks at my parents' house. When you have two children unable to play together unsupervised, you get to spend hours and hours exposed to things like this. [[ this is only a blurb - get your butt over to my site for the rest of it - www.welcometomybrain.net ]]
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Away To Me
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Palm Trees
3 Jul 2009 | 10:00 amThere is a boatload of Palm Trees in this neck of the woods. -
Thank You and Some Clarification
1 Jul 2009 | 2:49 pmThank you all so much for your supportive words and encouragement. The comments on the blog, private emails and Skype sessions pulled me out of my pitty party. Granted it was a legitimate pitty party, but I'm done wallowing. Time... -
Falling apart
30 Jun 2009 | 3:40 pmI'm falling apart. I have a few good moments, an hour here or there where I think everything is going to be okay and that I'm fine. But the other 22-23 hours a day pretty much have me in pieces.... -
Not feeling well
27 Jun 2009 | 7:21 pmI think I've hit my limit. I started to feel pretty yucky this afternoon. (actually just about an hour ago). Jake's hit his limit too and is being a typical 3-year-old. I really need sleep. At some point, I'm going... -
Anxiety lifted
27 Jun 2009 | 1:27 pmAaaaah. Now this is much better. Boys napping. Mommy lounging outside in the sun and by the pool. The rental is perfect. I'm feeling so much more relaxed. My darling husband is taking care of everything with the movers and...
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boomerific
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It’s only been a year
12 Jun 2009 | 10:12 amand now it’s safe to be sad. I’m glad, though, that the house on the rock stood firm… -
Friday Preschool at Home; the Garden
2 May 2009 | 5:39 amYesterday was language development day. After a successful attempt at getting the Snapper dressed without a fuss–victory is mine!–taking a stroller ride to KMart for laundry detergent, and some wonderful freeplay, we played with a stack of letter cards together. They’re the kind with the letter and some sort of representative object. We just went through them saying the object and the letter it begins with. I didn’t think it would make much of an impression (he’s only 2 1/2, after all), but at the bus stop as we were hunkered down watching the miniature… -
Art Day, with Tantrums
29 Apr 2009 | 7:03 pmFirst it was the battle over changing his pull-up before nursing; then over helping make pancakes (he declared the dry ingredients he was stirring “mine,” screaming); what to have for lunch; what to have for snacks; not going onto every porch of every house we passed; and a dozen other little things. BUT the schedule, for whatever reason, is making the craziness more bearable. I have a suspicion that it makes me feel in control of the larger aspects of the day. I build in a lot of choice and flexibility for him, but the flow of the day is in my hands. Before if he had a… -
Success, so far.
27 Apr 2009 | 7:25 pmWe had a nice day today. We started with Circle Time, which the Snapper just LOVED, then had a snack and free play. He chose to color the majority of the time. Then we had our “music lesson,” which consisted of banging on all the pots, pans, and lids in the kitchen to Bob Marley. It was so much fun! He helped me make lunch (peanut butter on celery; we also had roasted veggies) and afterward we had reading time and I nursed him down to sleep. After nap we had a snack and then did the Hokey Pokey. More free play, during which he requested music again and got the pots… -
Parenting Revamp
25 Apr 2009 | 11:31 amThe last ten months of life with the Snapper have been extremely trying. Last June, just as we were being hit by the flood, he hit 18 months, or rather 18 months hit us. He began tantruming hard, daily, hitting and biting, and being oppositional to most transitions and parental directions. That summer I spent weekdays without Attic Man, as he was interning in another city, so the entire task of managing, or surviving, the Snapper’s behavior fell on me, with a little respite on the weekends. Fall came with Attic Man home but doing his busiest semester yet. We were both extremely…
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A Birth Project
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RIP Michael Jackson Part 1
26 Jun 2009 | 12:14 pmSince yesterday I’ve been a bit overwhelmed with so many feelings around Michael Jackson’s death. I’m in the process of writing a blog from my perspective on this. Michael Jackson had a major impact on me as a black child who was a singer and performer growing up in an all white setting. I have much to say. soon. I will miss him and will always love the music, passion and love he brought to the world. until then read these: Davey D Looking Through the Window: May Michael Jackson Rest in Peace Adrienne Maree Brown at Colorlines Blog Michael Jackson – Who’s Loving You? -
9 Jun 2009 | 12:57 pm
9 Jun 2009 | 12:57 pmNext week I’ll be headed to LA for the Mixed Roots Film and Literary festival. Its held at the Japanese American United Museum in downtown LA!! I’m performing a short piece from “Ungrateful Daughter” and be co-presenting in a writing workshop with my good friend, amazing writer and blogger Susan Ito about mixed-race adoptees and writing. The festival is FREE. You should come. Posted in Performance, Race Race Race, Transracial Adoption Tagged: Adoption, Mixed Race, multiracial, Transracial Adoption -
Korean Adoptee Video
28 May 2009 | 5:43 pmI just watched these and wanted to share. I’ll post more soon. Posted in Adoption Search, Transracial Adoption Tagged: International Adoption, search and reunion, Transracial Adoption -
Towards a Sustainable Transracial Adoptee Movement
20 May 2009 | 11:41 pmI’m headed to the Pedagogy & Theater of the Oppressed conference in MN this weekend! I’ve never been to MN, which i hear has one of the largest populations of Korean adoptees in the nation. I’m presenting with the amazing folks – Jae Ran Kim, Dr. John Raible and Shannon Gibney Our session: Towards a Sustainable Transracial Adoptee Movement and Community: PTO Strategies + Experiments on Friday. Friday night – the FIRST AFAAD dinner in MN. MN chapter here we come! oh yeah! I’ll keep you posted with photos and reports from the conference! Posted in… -
International Adoption and Operation Baby Lift
18 May 2009 | 10:35 amVideo version of a presentation Kevin Minh gave at the Asian Adult Adoptee Gathering in Honolulu, Hawaii in October 2008. More about Kevin on his blog. Posted in International Adoption, Race Race Race, Transracial Adoption Tagged: International Adoption, Transracial Adoption
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Vindauga
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Violating My Children's Privacy
1 Jul 2009 | 4:02 pmBut you don't know which one, because those who've been reading once in awhile know I have more than one child. So the other day, one of my children was sitting next to me on the couch, wanting one of those touching mother/daughter moments (hey, it only narrows it down, I still haven't pinpointed which child, I have three daughters). She was lamenting her lack of members of the opposite sex interested in her when she was interested in them. Me: "You should get a water bra and send out word that you are loose. You'll get a lot of dates then. "Child:… -
A Kid Story
22 Jun 2009 | 10:17 amMason was with his first mom for a couple of days last week. One day when they were driving along he piped up.M: "When I grow up, I am going to be gay."FM: "Okay. Do you know what being gay means?"M: "Yep. It's when a boy loves a boy."FM: "Is there a boy you love?"M:"Nope. I want to be like the Jonas Brothers, and Jack (first mom's 15 y.o. step-son) said 'The Jonas Brothers are so gay.'"FM: "I don't know if the Jonas Brothers are gay. Jack was being funny (immediate phone call to Jack to tell him how using the… -
One to Three Months
19 Jun 2009 | 2:22 pmMy dog Tart is terminally ill. She has leukemia, and bone marrow cancer. She's lost weight, a lot of weight for a dog, she has a hard time breathing sometimes, she's very thirsty, and sometimes has weakness in her back legs. I didn't notice the lost weight until recently. She's a big, hairy collie. I started the annual shaving of her,( the one where I make her look like the harbinger of the apocalypse for three months) and could feel her ribs a little too easily. She's skin and bones, and fur.Then Bijoux got sick, so I took Bijoux into the vet. While looking through… -
Blog
22 May 2009 | 12:42 pmI've gotten a handful of emails asking me what's up with the blog.I'm taking down posts. Four + years is a long time ago. Sometimes stuff I wrote then feels different now. So, as more real life people find the blog, I'm going to protect our privacy a little more. When I post something new, I'll leave it up for a couple of weeks, then take it down. I'm leaving almost all of the adoption posts up, because I think sometimes first hand experience is really valuable. I'm finding I'm less interested in blogging in general, and my blog specifically. As… -
A post in which I lecture you through no fault of your own.
15 Apr 2008 | 6:12 pmI should probably start a category about the things people innocently say about adoption, that no matter how innocent, are offensive. A couple of years ago, when Mallory was a new teenager, she commonly got lectures about other people's mistakes. A kid wrecked a car while texting and driving? Mallory was threatened that we would take her license away. A movie about college binge drinking? Mallory would be warned extensively about roofies, drunk driving, wasting her college money and ending up a homeless person. Once in awhile we'd ground her just for good measure. Maybe we'd…
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Seriously?
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A giveaway!
22 Jun 2009 | 9:22 amI'm doing a giveaway on the other blog -
done for good now
11 Feb 2009 | 8:41 amI have to be done. The ignorance is just to much. I don't want to jeopardize my husbands career.
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this woman's work
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Getting explicit about size
30 Jun 2009 | 11:26 amMadison and I just got back from the grocery where we ran to get a cake for my boss’s birthday celebration (we need to leave for it in about 45 minutes) and cherries to take to the Clippers game tonight. She buckled herself in while I put the cart away and when I came back and got in the car she said, “It’s ok to be a little bit fat, right Mama?” And I said, “Yes. What’s important is eating right and getting exercise. If someone is doing those things then their body is going to be exactly what it’s supposed to be, which might be fat and might be… -
List post! Because I’m busy
30 Jun 2009 | 8:08 am1. The other day Madison told us that sometimes she wishes we (her family) were all black. Noah and I were talking about this book, (which was excellent). It’s a slim middle reader about a white boy confronting his own racism and Noah asked me to read it. So we were talking about it and I said something like, “I bet Madison gets sick of being the only black person in the room almost all the time” in the context of talking about Daisy scouts next year (we’re looking at a couple of troops where most of the girls are black) and Madison, “Oh yeah I do!” and… -
Madison wondering
25 Jun 2009 | 9:29 amThe impending arrival of Madison’s new baby brother has her doing a lot of thinking about babies including how they get in there and how they get out. She forgets things she’s heard before or maybe she finds them so unbelievable that she has to ask again and again to make sure the answer stays the same. Madison was a cesarean section baby and she was worried about that, worried that the cut hurts the mama. I told her they give the mommy medicine so that it’s ok and everyone is just so happy about the baby that the hurting doesn’t matter so much. She asked if there was… -
20 year meme
24 Jun 2009 | 5:06 pmSnagged from facebook. ****20 years ago***** (1989) 1) How old were you? A babe in the woods — a mere 19 2) Who were you dating? I wasn’t really dating anyone although I was kinda running around with Chris T (co-worker at Katzinger’s) and was just about to meet Brett the very next year. 3) Where did you work? Katzinger’s Deli and I was in school for part of the time but dropped out to the tune of a nervous breakdown brought on in part by working full-time and going to school full-time and babysitting on the side and basically not having any time to stop and think for a… -
More on grad school
21 Jun 2009 | 7:43 pmApparently this is my 3540th post. I’ve been blogging a long time. I wanted to write a little more about my grad school decision, which came about in a very circular, meandering way. I was thinking this weekend about mistakes and how I have to make mistakes if I’m going to do something new and how discouraging this can be sometimes. Because I’ll be looking ahead at a Brand New Plan and realize that I will have to bump into things while I learn my way around. I tell the kids all the time that you’re supposed to make mistakes when you’re learning something because…
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Voices for Vietnam Adoption Integrity
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Child traffickers convicted in Vietnam
26 Jun 2009 | 7:12 pmA Vietnamese court sentenced three people to jail terms ranging from three to seven years for trafficking babies and selling them to an orphanage in Ninh Binh. An additional 12 accomplices were given suspended sentences. They were convicted of selling 12 infants for 130 million dong (approximately $7,600 US) between April 2006 and May 2008. The [...] -
The Madonna Effect
18 Jun 2009 | 4:54 pm“He says that he’s going to marry me We can raise a little family Maybe we’ll be alright Its a sacrifice But my friends keep telling me to give it up Saying I’m too young, I ought to live it up What I need right now is some good advice, please Daddy, daddy if you could only see Just how good he’s been [...] -
Update on Ireland/ Vietnam Adoptions
9 Jun 2009 | 1:05 pmStatistics on Irish international adoptions were released yesterday in the Independent. The article said: In 2008, there were 397 International adoptions in Ireland. Vietnam was the most popular country with 182 adoptions. There were 117 babies adopted from Russia, and 26 from Ethiopia. The Adoption Bill 2009 is due to be published later this year. The Government will ratify the [...] -
Once Again with the Dark Side
25 May 2009 | 6:28 amWhile many, many of our readers have questioned our motives, and even wondered if we are anti-adoption, we all feel that the ‘job’ we do here, voluntarily, due to conviction, is a job that is really important. Why is it so important? Because we want adoption to continue. Yup, that’s the truth. As long as there [...] -
The myth of the Safe Choice
12 May 2009 | 8:41 pmIf you do a google search, a blog search, a twitter search….any kind of search…on the topic of international adoption, you will get thousands of hits on feel good stories, blogs, books and even youtube videos that will make you tear up (oh yes, I have one of those too!) and that will inspire you [...]
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Upside-Down Adoption
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Literary Groaner
23 Jun 2009 | 10:34 amHere's a funny conversation we had on vacation that shows how much Sunny likes to play with words.We were trying to coax him to write longer sentences in his travel journal than "I like the museum" or "I went on the train". Sunny was arguing for shorter sentences and was getting pretty frustrated."But I want to write 'I like the museum'! Why can't you let me write 'I like the museum'?""We already explained, it's more interesting for people to read longer sentences. Why don't you use just ONE adjective about something you liked at the museum? Pick an adjective, and then we'll give you a tip… -
I'm a Legal Mom, and Other Updates
23 Jun 2009 | 8:59 amOur adoption finally went through last month. Yes, I'm way behind on the news. Sunny is our legal son!I'd like to report that some pre-adoption behavior cleared up, but things are pretty much the same. I don't think the adoption ceremony meant that much to him. In the future, it's going to end up figuring a lot more in his thoughts, but he'd already accepted us as his permanent parents a while back.We happened to draw the oldest, palest, gloomiest judge in Atlanta. He said some nice words, but also gave an odd speech about how hard it was to make a success of yourself in this cold cruel world… -
Family History, National History
23 Jun 2009 | 7:35 amWe spent our family vacation in Washington DC. It was awfully nice. I already know the area fairly well from the time I spent long ago as an au pair working for a family in the Maryland suburbs. One day, we drove all the way down to Jamestown and its historical museum. I loved the exhibits, which covered the culture of 1) the English settlers 2) Powhatan Native Americans and 3) Angolans of dubious status (perhaps slaves, perhaps indentured) who all once lived in or near Jamestown. One exhibit covered a fascinating bit of history that I never knew before: the colonization efforts were based on… -
Break Explanation - and Legacy of Shame!
5 Jun 2009 | 6:30 amThis is the longest break I've ever taken on this blog! But there's no emergency or anything. Well, we did try and take Sunny off his medication, but the attempt failed horribly, so we're going to try again later this summer, and if that doesn't work, hold it off for another year.Other than that, I've just been extremely busy. I'll be on vacation next week though.And I did break my blogging hiatus just last night, in a rather incendiary way: David Carradine's Legacy of Shame is up at Racialicious and APA for Progress as well. -
Global Day of Action...
19 May 2009 | 11:18 am... for Troy Davis. Please follow the link to sign a petition.AMNESTY INTERNATIONAL - USA Online Action CenterSupport Clemency for Troy DavisTake Action On This Issue Troy Davis faces execution for the murder of Police Officer Mark MacPhail in Georgia, despite a strong claim of innocence. 7 out of 9 witnesses have recanted or contradicted their testimony, no murder weapon was found and no physical evidence links Davis to the crime. The Georgia Board of Pardon and Paroles has voted to deny clemency, yet Governor Perdue can still exercise leadership to ensure that his death sentence is…
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Third Mom
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KAAN Early Registration Extended to July 15th
1 Jul 2009 | 9:15 pmPlease spread the word - and come to the conference!!Don't miss what promises to be a great experience this summer! It's the annual KAAN Conference for adult Korean adoptees, adoptive families, and Korean Americans. Sheraton Denver HotelDenver, ColoradoJuly 31 - August 2, 2009This 11th Annual KAAN Conference uniquely brings together all the member groups around Korean adoption. This year's conference will be held at the Sheraton Denver Hotel in Denver, Colorado from July 31st through August 2nd. It promises the best sessions ever.For example, Carissa Woodwyk, an adult Korean adoptee who is a… -
I hate reading things like this
1 Jul 2009 | 8:50 amThis makes me heartsick. I hate this disease, I really do. I hate thinking of the people it has taken. And I hate thinking that it will take many more before a cure is found.In the meantime, the best hope for many leukemia sufferers is bone marrow transplant. For the best possible outcome, you need a match, a really close match. The best chance of that comes from biological family members, but of course for an adopted person this may not be possible.For this reason, we need lots and lots of people of all ethnicities and races need to step up to the plate and register to be bone marrow donors. -
First-hand joy, second-hand pain
29 Jun 2009 | 4:08 amI added a comment on the subject of the following post to the incredible discussion over here, but I think it warrants its own post, too, because it's a little complicated. But before I go there, I have to say that that discussion did my soul a lot - I mean, A LOT - of good. Amazing. Thank you.If you haven't read the post and comments, you'll need to for context. One commenter asked a really good question about my analogy and the logic I used to get there:But I do wonder, from the side of a first/natural parent - when a aparents do understand and grasp the "other" feelings of adoption that… -
Breakfast with Skito
28 Jun 2009 | 8:53 amI just enjoyed one of the nicest mornings I've had in a long time. I had breakfast with Susan Ito and her husband John!I've respected Susan for a long time for her work in the adoption community. She devotes a considerable amount of time to PACT Camp, is co-editor of A Ghost at Heart's Edge: Stories and Poems of Adoption, and is a strong voice for ethical adoption. But Susan is a really neat person on many other fronts, too - you may also know her from her column Life in the Sandwich at Literary Mama and her other writing.I got to know Susan from her blog and from my (really pathetic)… -
Make a statement and support ARD
27 Jun 2009 | 12:24 pmWardrobe must-haves that support an important cause:Denied OBC t-shirts in many styles and colors. I like the green, which ARD asks supporters to wear on July 21, the day of the Adoptee Rights Demonstration in Philadelphia.All kinds of ARD products I LOVE the bib, and you bet my kids would each have one if they still wore bibs.Which in spite of their ages, they sometimes should.Now go shopping!!
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Just Enjoy Him
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Save Ohio Libraries!
23 Jun 2009 | 12:30 pmI had so much to say about this topic this morning. In fact, Firemom even quoted me on this topic in her post, Save Ohio’s Libraries! I find myself strangely quiet on the topic right now, just sad that this may be where we’re headed, in a state that’s been at the forefront of library progress for decades. That progress could be wiped away very soon with a vote for Governor Strickland’s budget which will severely cut the budget for Ohio’s public libraries. To learn more about what this will do to the libraries, please visit this site. I’ll try to write more… -
good news must always be recorded :)
9 Jun 2009 | 12:51 pmToday is exactly six months of being cancer-free. I had an appointment with my oncologist today and she pronounced me “doing very well,” but I knew that already. It was like old home week there — the nurses and techs saying hello and many of them telling me how good I look. One of the better doctor’s appointments I’ve had! Posted in health
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The Chronicles of Munchkin Land
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Maybe I’m Too Radical?
30 Jun 2009 | 7:01 amSuburban Turmoil had a great post about how mommybloggers are no longer radical. I can see what she’s saying. I’m not really pushing too many walls down over at Stop, Drop & Blog myself. I occasionally throw people for a loop but I’ve found my niche by combining fire life specifics with normal, everyday parenting of two wild and crazy boys. My everyday, in-and-out life isn’t all that radical right now. In fact, minus the noise level, it’s really quite calm. I like it that way. But this blog? It’s always been radical. In fact, at various points in time,… -
No Longer Defined by One Title
29 Jun 2009 | 9:16 amI think part of my healing process has taken place in the fact that I am no longer defined by one title. For a very long time I was defined by the title of Birth Mother. Or First Mother. Or however you want to spell it, space it or say it. I was defined by it and I couldn’t get out of the box that definition provided. More over, I needed to be defined by that title for a time. However, I couldn’t see when I no longer needed that definition to rule my life. When I was considering placement, I didn’t know to be ashamed of my decision. It wasn’t until the immediate… -
To Read About Adoption or To Ignore It
21 Jun 2009 | 1:56 pmI unsubscribed from absolutely every blog in my Google Reader. I did. I felt bad. But, I’ll be honest: I was so overwhelmed with the number and the content of my Google Reader that I hadn’t opened it since a week before my show last month. I didn’t have time during show week which was also the time of our simultaneous visit here. And then the anxiety started to build as I knew, without looking, that the number of unread posts was growing. And growing. I started visiting blogs that I wanted to visit. I read what I wanted to read, ignoring my Google Reader button my toolbar. -
Open Adoption Roundtable #2: Fathers
21 Jun 2009 | 3:00 amFirst and foremost, Happy Father’s Day. We’ve been asked to write about the fathers involved in our open adoptions for this second round of the Open Adoption Roundtable. It’s a kind of complicated segment of our open adoption. When I first considered what to write about, I thought of Munchkin’s biological and adoptive fathers. And then I realized that our story is shaped by so many other fathers. I loved my daughter’s birth father once upon a memory. For giving me the most beautiful girl known to mankind, I will always love him. We weren’t a match. Our… -
Internet Bickering, My Smile and a Lack of Responsibility
17 Jun 2009 | 6:36 amWomen are mean and nasty. I mean, with all the hub-bub on the internet about who is and is not working a legitimate job and still others attacking each other over whether or not selective reduction should or should not be allowed, it’s amazing that women manage to have any semblance of a friendship with one another. This is the reason, of course, I have often chosen not to be vocal about my title of “birth mother” with those I am just meeting or, even more so, those with whom I went to various schools or camps with in our younger days. In case you didn’t read my first…
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Mommyhood and Life
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If You’re Thinking of Buying Fish, Go For the Ones In Little Stick Shapes Covered in Batter
3 Jul 2009 | 1:48 pmFISHY! WHY ARE YOU SLEEPING!? I am officially Darla from Finding Nemo. Another fish died, the sailfin tang named Dead-Eye that was my second favorite (after Snowflake the baby eel). The poor little guy had actually been at Davy Jones’ locker door before, crashing a couple of times only to revive in a clean saltwater bath. But alas, he finally kicked it and it was probably a relief for him. Unlike Darla, however, I was as tired of killing fish as they were of dying. It may seem ironic that a sushi loving family like ours can grieve over the fish we attempted to keep as pets, yet kept… -
The Rant Boat, Episode 2 – Guest Starring MummaBoo in Playing With The Boys!
19 Jun 2009 | 1:00 amMy second guest star on The Rant Boat (season 1 – DVD deal in the works) is none other than the lovely and talented MummaBoo, who blogs at MummaBoo X 2 and who is, despite her protestations to the contrary, a hilarious and talented writer. Please leave her a comment here, and then go check out her thoughts on things like super mutant sperm, AKA Sea Monkeys. Oh, she’s also super cool and she has two very cute kids. And she calls her hubby by the same nickname I do. I mean, she calls her husband that name, and I call my own husband that same name. Accidentally. I don’t call… -
The Rant Boat Maiden Voyage – Guest Starring Shawna in…Off The Pedestal!
17 Jun 2009 | 4:00 amI can hardly believe people actually want to sail on The Rant Boat (my own personal take on The Love Boat) as my Special Guest Stars, mostly because unlike Aaron Spelling, I cannot offer them cash or even a reasonably decent shot at bigger roles down the road. However, Shawna was my very first volunteer, and she has generously provided this rant about husbands, wives, gender disparity in parenting…oh, hell. Just read it. It’s funny and she’s right. Read on, please leave her a comment here, and then pay her a visit at her own blog, A Lil’ Bit Squishy, because she is… -
I Believe You Have My Stapler. My Stapler. I Believe You Have It.
15 Jun 2009 | 8:11 amI’m not really a slacker. OK, yes, I am a procrastinator, but that’s not the same as trying to foist off my own work on somebody else. I mean, if someone else chooses to do the things I should be doing while I’m busy rearranging the dish towel drawer, that’s not the same as foisting. Right? Right. The point of all that (and I know you’re all thinking the same thing, why not just make your point right away and spare us all your thoughts on foisting, but that’s just not my bag, man) was to say that I will be neglecting my blog further this week. First because… -
Who Are You And What Have You Done With My Badger?
5 Jun 2009 | 3:05 pmI’ll probably kick myself for posting this and attracting karma’s sadistic attentions once again, but I am literally astounded at the difference that this new daycare has made for Bean, AKA The Wild Badger, or simply Badger, as he will henceforth be known on this blog. Which is sort of a weird play on Leave It To Beaver, if June drank a lot of wine and took out the recycling in a ragged nightgown and no bra and laughed really hard when Ward asked what was for dinner. Not that I ever do those things because I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, I ‘m A Woman,…
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FAMILY PRESERVATION ADVOCACY
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Debbie Rowe Heading for a Row Over Kids?
2 Jul 2009 | 3:46 pmIf the latest report is true, Debbie Rowe is entering the rink to battle for custody of the kids, about she once said:"These are his children . . . ," she testified during his sexual abuse trial. "I had the children for him. They wouldn't be on this planet if it wasn't for my love for him. I did it for him to become a father, not for me to become a mother. You earn the title 'parent.' I have done absolutely nothing to earn that title."After getting a reported $8.5 million in a divorce from Jackson, she agreed to no visitation.She also allegedly said:"I was just the vessel. It wasn't Michael's… -
Kidnapping or Adoption?
2 Jul 2009 | 8:30 amAn "TV expert" attorney commenting on the custody possibilities for the Michael Jackson children, particularly whether Debbie Rowe would have a shot at custody....said that it does not matter if Jackson was nether their biological father or adoptive father of any of the children. He has raised them and that makes them his. HUH?? Does she as an attorney really equate children to possessions? Does the law? Even so, does the law now uphold the schoolyard rule of law: finder jeepers, losers weepers?Applying the "possession is 9/10ths of the law" rule to children is not only gross and clearly… -
DNA: Determined to kNow Ancestry
1 Jul 2009 | 8:22 amJames Barnes, 54, of Michigan felt he never belonged in his family. Recently he fixated on a photo of a 5-year old New York boy who was kidnapped and became convinced that it was him.The FBI stepped in and conducted DNA testing to confirm or deny the possibility of a crime having been committed. Turns out - no foul play just an overactive imagination.---------------Today, there are as many as 1000 children being raised in the US after having come to the US through adoption, who may in fact have been kidnapped from their Guatemalan mothers and trafficked through baby brokers to orphanages with… -
Jacko Update & Speculation
30 Jun 2009 | 2:10 pmMichael Jackson’s mother, Katherine, 79, was granted temporary custody of the three children and lodged an application to become their legal guardian.However new questions are arising as to their biological connection to Michael - and even to Debbie Rowe who gave birth to the two older children.Michael had told Martin Bashir in a 2003 interview that all three of his children were conceived with his sperm. "They are all my children,” he said. And why wouldn't they be? Seems in keeping with a super star's huge ego. Unless, of course, he was infertile.Was Rowe a surrogate using donated eggs… -
ANTI-FAMILY Legislation Proposed: More Push to Redistribute Children Worldwide
30 Jun 2009 | 8:04 amPress Release June 29, 2009http://www.prweb.com/releases/2009/06/prweb2579634.htmBill Introduced to Address Global Lack of Parents for Epidemic Numbers of Children The Families for Orphans Act (FFOA) will place a new emphasis on the need to improve US policy for supporting healthy development of children globally. AIDS, war and poverty are causing an explosion in the number of children worldwide who are growing up without parents in orphanages and long term foster care. Spearheaded by Representatives Diane Watson (D-CA) and John Boozman (R-AR), The Families for Orphans Act will empower the US…
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Musing Mother
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15 Jun 2009 | 10:44 pm
15 Jun 2009 | 10:44 pmThis weekend I had an interview with a journalist who is writing about mothers from the Era of Mass Surrender. First of all, what a rush to talk to a woman who is interested in hearing what you have to say, who gets it, and is actually eager to hear what you have to say next! That is an experience we should all have!One of the best things about talking to her was that I had to sort of organize my thoughts to present them without blathering on like a goof! I have ADD (big surprise to those who know me....NOT!) and organization in thoughts or surroundings is critical to my survival. It doesn't… -
10 May 2009 | 7:56 pm
10 May 2009 | 7:56 pmThere is legislation in the works for Missouri adoptees to get their OBC's. That happens to be the state in which I gave birth to the son I lost to adoption, so this one has a personal interest for me. There is a recent article about it in The Missourian where they once again trot out the 'promise to the mothers' as an excuse to not open them. If you get a chance and have any connection to Missouri, go to the article, please and make a comment! I did, and here it is.... I gave birth in 1967 in St. Louis MO at the Salvation Army’s Booth Home for Unwed Mothers.No one ever suggested that I… -
4 May 2009 | 9:51 am
4 May 2009 | 9:51 amHAPPY MOTHERS DAY TO ALL MOTHERS WHO HAVE LOST A CHILD TO ADOPTION You are Mother, no matter how far away or how long gone. -
27 Feb 2009 | 5:55 am
27 Feb 2009 | 5:55 amCAST YOUR VOTE!Please note that on the right side of this page there is a link to CAST YOUR VOTE. That takes you to the SMAAC website, where you can vote whether or not you think that the NCFA or the Donaldson Institute should be allowed to speak on behalf of mothers. Please cast your vote. Right now we are at 100% against! -
25 Feb 2009 | 3:55 pm
25 Feb 2009 | 3:55 pmYOU'RE FIRED!!!!!!The other day, the NCFA released it's latest issue of Adoption Advocate, this issue entitled, "Mutual Consent: Balancing the Birthparent’s Right to Privacy with the Adopted Person’s Desire to Know" in response to the Evan B. Donaldson Institute's 2007 report, "FOR THE RECORDS: RESTORING A RIGHT TO ADULT ADOPTEES".While it is interesting to conjecture as to the reason why it took them a year and a half to come up with a response to the original, at best it would all only be speculation. I like to think that the message that we have been delivering consistently for the…
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Adoption Blogs Most Recent Posts
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Not About Me
3 Jul 2009 | 6:58 amIn the past 24 hours, some serious stuff has gone down, with my son's birthmother at the center of it. I posted about it on my personal blog, and asked for some help via one of my online support groups. But I'm not going to write about it here. Why not? Because it's not about me. This isn't my story to share. I've asked for help before on the Open Adoption Support forum, and even that felt a bit like betraying trust. I really the needed the advice at the time, and I got a lot of support, so I don't regret it. I just think it's important to know what to share, when, where, and... more -
Civil Rights Act Signed Into Law July 2, 1964
2 Jul 2009 | 8:05 amIn 1964 the Civil Rights Act was signed into law. In 1964 my parents were ages ten and twelve. I was not even a dream to them I am sure! In some ways it seems long ago but in reality it was only forty-five years ago. This was only forty-five years ago. Less than a half a century ago there was a large part of the population that believed blacks and whites should not share bathrooms, water fountains or restaurants. Introduced... more -
Homeland Travel
1 Jul 2009 | 11:08 amFor those of us who have adopted Internationally, a Homeland Trip to your child's birth country is normally something that crosses our minds. When looking through adoption magazines or surfing adoption websites you often see guided tours to China or Korea being advertised. When we were in Ethiopia picking up our girls I had a urge to return when they were teenagers so they could tour the country and see the culture once again before becoming adults. Our plan was to come back in ten years when our kids were 18,18, 16 and 13. The trip costs quite a bit and we never really thought... more -
The Leap
1 Jul 2009 | 6:37 amI was asked a question recently, and, as I answered it, I realized that I hadn't ever thought of it before. But it was a good question, and one worth pondering by all adoptive parents. Was adopting transracially something that came naturally to you? Ever since I was 13, the picture in my head of my child - my daughter - was a little redheaded, blue-eyed Russian girl. It's not like I was going to ask the Russian Consulate for that specifically. That was just what I saw. When it became clear that Russia was not going to work out because... more -
Summer Visits
30 Jun 2009 | 7:14 pmSummer time is an ideal time for visits for some of those participating in open adoptions. Kids are out of school. The weather is usually nice; hot but sunny and a prime time for doing things outdoors. If you haven’t made plans for your summer visits, do so now! The leaves will be falling again before you know it! Below are some ideas for summer visits but as always keep in mind that some of the ideas will vary depending on exactly how open your adoption is, the type of relationship you have with your child’s adoptive parents, the leeway you have... more
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The long road to parenthood
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Getting settled…
Well, the lack of posts recently is a direct result of the insanity our lives have been lately. You may remember that we moved to the Chicago area earlier this summer... Well, we've finally moved into our own home here and are getting settled. We're in a great old home ... -
One year anniversary
Well, Tuesday marked one year since the day we met Noelle and Chloe. It's crazy to think about it! In some ways it feels like just yesterday, and in other ways it feels like they've been with us forever! We had a fun day celebrating what we're calling "Family Day." ... -
A Whole New World
Well, we have been disconnected from the blog for a while now. I'm sorry about that. I know some of you have been on the edge of your seats wondering what happens next in the Howver family. Ok, maybe not really. But there is at least one big change that ... -
Lollipops and Memories
Those of you who know us well are aware that we attempt to eat healthy... Organic, gluten free (or at least wheat free when possible), and not too much sugar (except for the occasional Whole Food cupcake or ice cream treat). We managed to avoid most candy through Halloween and ... -
A Great Day to be a Mom
Today was my first mother's day, and it was such a wonderful day! After I got out of bed I was greeted by two sweet girls in pink footie pajamas, bearing hugs and cards and a "Happy Mother's Day" from Noelle. We went to breakfast before church, and I told ...
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Birthmother
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The Due Date
19 Jun 2009 | 6:29 pmToday, June 19th, was my due date back in 1991. It's still such a significant date for me. I think it goes back to that "static" motherhood idea that I posted about a few days ago. I've thought about it, and him, a lot today. -
Happy Birthday
16 Jun 2009 | 5:59 pmToday my son turned 18. -
Grief, the overwhelming kind
9 Jun 2009 | 4:41 pmThe grief of relinquishing a child is overwhelming and I just didn't always handle it well. Okay, it consumed me and sometimes I did not do well dealing with its omnipresence in my life.Since I was in my very early 20's, I tried 'having a good time'. After all, isn't that what I was supposed to be doing? Isn't that why I was supposed to give up my baby, so I could have a 'normal life' for a 20 year-old???? But given the opportunity to drink at a party, I would often drink too much, and my grief would only feel even larger. My early 20's were such a dark, lost time.I remember the evening of my… -
Static Motherhood
7 Jun 2009 | 4:10 pmLike some other birthmoms, I didn't feel sure about calling the child I gave birth to 'my son'. But then I figured, absentee dads get to claim their children as 'my kid', so why couldn't I call the child I had grown and birthed my son?However, as we birthmoms know, having a child you still feel connected to, still feel extreme love for, etc. but not raising that child leaves a huge void. Part of that void for me is the sudden ending as soon as the child goes to its adoptive parents. Everything is just a memory at that point. So it's all static, not dynamic. While the child isn't dead, my… -
Still Adjusting
20 Jan 2009 | 4:54 pmMy daughter loves writing on her new chalkboard. However, she is still learning the concept of starting far enough to the left to write what she wants. This morning I went in her room and she was trying to write my name, so I wrote it for her a little higher so she could practice writing it below. I came back out to the living room and told my husband she needed help writing my name, so I wrote "Mommy" for her.It felt so very strange to say 'my name' and 'mommy' in the same sentence.While I never hesitate to answer to my daughter's calls for "Mommy" or even refer to myself in the third…
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birthmom-confessionsof
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21 Jun 2009 | 10:32 am
21 Jun 2009 | 10:32 amI'm moving. We bought a home, we close on July 8th. Although I'm scared shitless at the thought of the difference of a mortgage and rent, I'm in a bittersweet mood. I'm leaving this room. This room, my bedroom, where my life changed...............March 2, 2005......It was a long day at work. I was tired. My computer was slow, I was ready to go to bed but thought that I'd log on and at least see if the email would load. I was working almost sixty hours a week (still am) and was just .........tired.........I logged on and there it was. "(My name), you have a response from adoption.com" I took a… -
21 May 2009 | 5:03 pm
21 May 2009 | 5:03 pmRelinquishment day. It used to not bother me so much as her birthday, but now with reunion, it bothers me.I know it worked out in the end. I know that I should concentrate on the positive.But yesterday and today, I felt again like the helpless 15 year old girl, pleading and begging the nurses, the caseworker, my mother and anyone who would listen to me that I didn't want to give my daughter away. I heard the click of the heels that with each step came closer and closer to my room, and closer and closer to having to tell my daughter goodbye. The same person who didn't even give me a copy of… -
Things adoption has taught me
19 May 2009 | 4:53 pmAdoption has taught me many things. 1. I can make it through anything. Divorce? Piece of cake. Parent dies? No biggie after the shock. If you can make it through being forced to give your kid up for adoption and the many years of the emotional toll it takes on you, you can get through anything.2. I can and have walked away from people I hold dear. Husband. He took eighteen hundred from the checking without an explanation. Gone. see you later, bye. We were forced to walk away from our children, and society wants to know why we are stone hearted bitches? The only two people in this world I… -
12 May 2009 | 4:35 pm
12 May 2009 | 4:35 pmI've been bummed. My post vision bum has been long. I realized something. She was better off without me.It has taken me a long time to say this and it hurts. It really fucking hurts to say that your own baby is better off without you. I can't provide all that my son wants. Should I have given him away also? -
11 May 2009 | 5:19 pm
11 May 2009 | 5:19 pmBIRTHMOTHER, GOOD MOTHER: Her Story of Heroic RedemptionBy Charles T. Kenny, Ph.D.After working through their fears and conflicts, birthmothers choose adoption because they believe that it is best for their children. They realize that adoption is not abandonment; it is a loving, responsible act. By choosing what is best for their children, birthmothers see themselves as good mothers. Instead of feeling like bad mothers for abandoning children or “giving them away,” they now begin to see that placing their children with loving couples is what it means for them to be good mothers. They…
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All About a Girl
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‘Waxing Philosophical’ or just random thoughts…
I was thinking yesterday how I love music and I should listen to it and dance again like I use to...but then after listening to some music...I remembered part of why I don't listen to it as much anymore...it gets me thinking too deep of thoughts and going down memory ... -
Little Update on My Visit…The beginning of transitioning from semi-open to more open…
with my 4 1/2 yr. old's parents...it was on Saturday afternoon, May 16, at their house. Okay so I went to the jewelry show at their house and it was a really good experience/visit for us . Hubby went with me cause he really wanted to meet them and wants to ... -
Weird, how things happen, isn’t it?
Okay, I'm freaking out a little right now...in a way that I'm sitting here calmly while inside I'm shrieking and reminding myself to breathe lol. I was just doing stuff around the house and left the room and came back in and found a message popped up on my Facebook chat ... -
It Was a Good Mother’s Day This Year =)!!!
I had one of the best Mother's Days this year around. For the first time in quite a while, I didn't really dwell on it being Mother's Day and what I was missing out on with not being with my two girls I placed or having mixed and hard ... -
I’m really excited…
cause I just talked/chatted online with my 4 1/2 yr. old's mom and it was awesome :). We haven't talked or seen each other since I had and placed my girl with her at the agency so yeah it's been 4 1/2 years since I last saw and/or talked to her. ...
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Cigarettes & Coffee
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Hiatus
8 Jun 2009 | 6:01 ami'm taking a time out. things in my daily life have become extremely hectic - in a good way. (do i owe you an email? i know...i know...) when i've got something to say, i'll be back. thanks to everyone for tuning in. -
sucker
7 May 2009 | 4:07 ami once worked with a man whose favorite saying was "fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice, shame on me". the latter part of that statement is me all over.despite my usually surly demeanor, i really do believe the best about people in general. second chances? yup. third? fourth? fifth? you betcha. even when it's at my own expense. and it usually is. i'm terrible at cutting people off, ending relationships, when i've legitimately been wronged enough times to warrant such action. because what if they change? what if there's a chance of reconciliation?in recent reference to a situation like… -
bruises
10 Apr 2009 | 8:20 amif you follow my other blog, you know that i had another miscarriage this week. because i was a little further along this time, it has been a little more heartbreaking and a lot more painful on all levels. two trips to the ER in between my regular visit to the OB brought a lot of repeat storytelling. "how many pregnancies?""how many live births?""oh, your son is 11? wow, that's quite a stretch in between, isn't it?"people don't naturally assume that you choose adoption for your firstborn, and i didn't correct the assumptions that i was parenting. there's no point in that. or is… -
marching on
16 Mar 2009 | 9:20 ami discovered a few weeks ago that Trusted Ally has left the agency. my immediate reaction was not something of which i am proud to admit: i cried. okay, let me 'fess up: i sobbed for an entire afternoon. you may think this is overreacting on my part, and i'm okay with that.Trusted Ally was more than just my caseworker - she was my friend. or, let me clarify, she became my friend. when the immediate adoption stuff settled, we'd meet often. sometimes at the agency, talking about The Big Stuff, sometimes we'd go out to dinner and not talk about adoption at all. we'd visit each… -
02.25.09
25 Feb 2009 | 6:39 ampeople ask me (online & in daily life) why i don't just contact The Kiddo's parents directly and ask them why i haven't gotten an update in so long. my answer to that, no matter who is asking, is generally the same: it's complicated.it doesn't matter that i have their phone number or an email address. i almost wish i didn't. we don't have a "call & chat" type of relationship. truthfully, i can't imagine a reason why i would call them, unless they would have called me first & i was unable to get to the phone.i feel as if i walk a very slippery slope. going through the agency for…
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Waiting for Sophie
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We're here, we're fine & exciting things are happening...
16 Jun 2009 | 4:26 pmFirst of all, my apologies for being away with no explanation for so long... I've been soooo busy (I haven't even approved comments until today)... lots of exciting things going on! For one, Sophie Lu graduated from Pre-K! It was a huge ordeal (so funny)... pics & video to come soon! Second, I just released a set of fine art textures for photographers, and I've been working really hard for the past month putting everything together. I'm happy to say that the launch was very successful, and I've received the most wonderful feedback from the most talented artists/photographers (people I… -
Eddie (Sophie's 1st Fiance)
15 May 2009 | 10:06 amWell, here his is... Sophie's very 1st fiance!!! I'll never forget the day she came home from pre-school and announced that she was getting married. Here's how the conversation went:Sophie: Guess what, Mommy? I'm going to get married with Eddie!Me: What? Who is Eddie?Sophie: He's my boyfiriend, Mom. And we're gonna get married- just like you and Daddy!Me: Does he know he's going to marry you?Sophie: Yes, of course! Everyone knows!Me: When is the wedding?Sophie: I don't know yet, but first he has to meet me. Then he has to take me to dinner and give me a ring. I'm going to wear a princess… -
Happy Mother's Day!
10 May 2009 | 1:04 pmSophie Lu will always be my first love, and oh how I love her. This is our 4th Mother's Day together. Our first was so painful, as she was still in China and I was here with only her photo to hold. I loved her so deeply and missed her so much even though we hadn't "met" yet. She was born in my heart- her soul was born to me, and my love for her is a love like no other. Now I am blessed to have three little beauties- the loves of my life. My heart is so full.. I am so lucky- this Mother's Day and forever! Here are some of my attempts at "all three" taken on Easter... :) -
Itsy Bitsy Spider (in Spanish)
30 Apr 2009 | 7:52 pm -
Holding up her fluff
28 Apr 2009 | 7:11 am(Taken a while ago)... I'm busy going through my recent Sophie Lu videos & notes for the next few posts :)
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Adopted Jane
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Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson RIP
29 Jun 2009 | 9:42 pmFarrah FawcettIve put Farrah's name first because not only is it etiquette to put a lady's name first but also she died before Michael.I grew up with Charlies Angels and The Bionic Woman, I grew up with Michael Jackson as a musical influence.Its taken me some time to compose what I want to say in respect to these two fine artists.For Farrah, I feel deeply deeply sorry for her and for her family, such a beautiful woman ravaged by Cancer, I understand her families pain, My own Mother was ravaged in such a horrid way also. I also feel deeply sad for Farrah and her family in respect that The ? -
Another Adopted Child - 9 years old - DEAD
26 Apr 2009 | 4:34 amThats right NINE Years old, as if that isnt tragic enough, this child was a Quadraplegic.Adopted by her AUNT because her mother abandonded her, a Quadraplegic because there was some sort of Suffocation in her Cot at around 3 months (some say earlier some say later)Shylea Thomas was her name ...And this is where she ended up - in a Garbage bag - with moth balls covering her Bed sore Ridden , 33lb pound corpse.....Yes her Adoptive Mother , her biological Aunt, adopted her after other family members had taken turns caring for Shylea, And I'd lay a million to one that it was for the $$$$ signs… -
Everybody is doing it ....
18 Apr 2009 | 10:06 pmWriting about the movie coming up called Orphan..I first saw it here and made my comments, Ive since seen it Here and Here Im giving the links so A) you can visit these fabulous blogs and B) so you can read others comments...The movie that is getting everyone yapping is one called ORPHAN, here is a little preview for your viewing pleasure , or revulsion, whatever tickles your fancyMy comments on this were and are :OMFG I am BEYOND OUTRAGEDYou know , everytime I see a movie, or a series where it turns out that the pyschopathic killer was adopted, I Cringe, it maks me feel that adoption is so… -
Its because of me and people like me...... WTF?
3 Apr 2009 | 9:17 pmThat a Baby Boy was flushed down the toilet by his 8th grader , 14 year old (child) mother...Uh huh, that is what someone did as a comment on my post HEREBut I'm giving this person their own platform in this post as well...Oh yes this poor poor 14 yr old girl who was not properly educated on the risk of having unprotected sex, are you people kidding me?!?! There is no, absoultely NO justification for what she did to that baby! Why does it seem there is more pitty for this girl than the baby she outright murdered?!?! These were her decisions and hers alone, she is the one who decided to… -
DMC Just Like ME
3 Apr 2009 | 7:04 pmDMC & Sarah Sarah McLachlan released Just like ME and today I watched it for the first time, Today I discovered DMC's adoption story. Today I cried a thousand tears (again)Ive Sent a email off to Daryl, I hope he gets it, I hope that he knows that there really are many many of us that are *Just like him* The despair that we go through, the hurt that we feel, the pain that knifes us in our hearts, like no other. The growing years of misunderstandings as we try and understand why we feel one way and act another. The Grown years where we try to still understand why we feel the same way. It…
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Borrowed Notes
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All in due time…
14 Jun 2009 | 8:44 pmEverything in a box, in its place, on its way. Departure/Arrival. Which one (again)? Money on the counter, #1 meal deal, more of this crap, but I eat it (grumpily) for my stomach is on the mend. There’s no excuse for this much water on the floor. What burst? When? Someone, please, tell me (before [...] -
Out of Nowhere
13 Jun 2009 | 8:44 pmThere it sat, abandoned. The rickety old house with the smashed in windows and the breeze blowing right through it. Lush weeds surrounded its foundations. Tree trunk pillars supported its warped porch roof. Boy, did I ever want to just climb in and cook up some chili, eat it, and then lean back on a lawn [...] -
A-brewin’
31 May 2009 | 9:45 pmTagged: 1967, Cream, inside, kill, music, rock, song, Strange Brew, woman, you -
It won’t stop…
29 May 2009 | 5:26 amIt’s not What you thought When you first began it You got What you want Now you can hardly stand it though, By now you know It’s not going to stop It’s not going to stop It’s not going to stop ‘Til you wise up You’re sure There’s a cure And you have finally found it You think One drink Will shrink you ’til you’re underground And living down But it’s not going [...] -
Thinking
27 May 2009 | 5:21 amI thought the world was round. I thought the moon was smiling down on me. I thought I knew the words to that song. I thought you were speaking to me. “That’s what you get for thinking…” Thanks, Dad. Supper’s cold. I don’t feel like eating today. I thought the world was round. I thought the moon was smiling down on me. I thought I [...]
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A Child Chosen
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10 Things to do Before Your Road Trip
3 Jul 2009 | 7:23 amWe are about to embark on our cross-country road trip. I love road trips. They allow you to see so much of the country that a flight simply misses. Since I’ve probably done more long-distance road tripping than the average person, I thought I’d post my to-do list to get ready for the big trip. Service your car. That’s a no-brainer. We’re taking the Touareg in Monday for the 75,000-mile service. But I’m also taking it later in the week to NTB to get two new tires and a rotation. It would really suck to be in the middle of west Texas in 116-degree temperatures and have the car stall… -
Learning About Patriotic Service Flags
2 Jul 2009 | 10:00 pmWith thoughts of patriotism in our minds around the Fourth of July, why not teach our children more about the Service Flags for military personnel serving, injured or killed? These window or service flags are part of our history and originated to commemorate soldiers in World War I, sometimes called The Great War. Image: sxc.hu I found one in my grandmother’s memorabilia trunk. It represented her son, my Uncle Charles, who served in that war and came back alive. These flags, a blue star on white background surrounded by a red border hung in the windows of families who had a… -
If It Is ‘The Change,’ I’m Not Touching HRT
2 Jul 2009 | 6:12 amMy birthday is looming. I’ve never been concerned about my age, but I’ve never been this old before. I still picture myself as a 27-year-old woman and yet, I am so far removed from that age group it is depressing. I was driving home from my friend Linda’s house (by the way, she is older than me) in this 90-degree heat with my air on 70 (because I don’t like to freeze, especially in summer), when I felt my seat warmer come on. What was so strange about it is that my seat only warms from the seat area, not the back, and that’s where I was feeling the heat. I checked the dial on the… -
Spending Time With the Family
1 Jul 2009 | 2:08 pmThis past week was all about getting out with the kids andIMG: The life of a Home Momjust enjoying our time together. Course, even like the posts I recently wrote there were some times that my parenting skills weren’t the greatest. I mean I was in the car when someone pulled right in front of us and we screamed at them a curse..not that they heard us but the kids sure did. So, just showing it happens even when you don’t mean it, I did hear that choice word later on by the youngest. (bad mommy) IMG: The Life of a Home Mom We decided to finally meet the hubby’s co-workers and… -
July 4th for Alzheimer’s Parents
30 Jun 2009 | 10:00 pmJuly 4th memories often entertain the Alzheimer’s parent and help you preserve your family heritage…for yourself, your children and future generations. Since Alzheimer’s patients like to reminisce, you may be able to do this with them about memories of this holiday. Image: sxc.hu Record the memories Jot them down Pull out pictures and have the patient tell you about them (if they’re able) Make some scrapbook pages with these memories Involve the whole family so they can have memories of doing this with the Alzheimer’s family member Take the patient to July…
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Birthmother
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Buy a Chinese Baby
2 Jul 2009 | 11:16 amThis blog has been languishing much like the effort to unseal adoption records in many U.S. States. Writing has kept me traveling since my last post, and many of the places I've traveled through and spent time in have variations of the adoption laws I've commented on. It was depressing to belabor the point. So far in 2009, I've spent time in Vermont, New York, Maryland, Minnesota, Iowa (where my son was adopted) Nebraska & Oregon. Only Oregon has open records. I've driven through Nevada (where gambling & prostitution are legal 24 hours a day) Utah & Colorado. It's a… -
California Bill
11 Feb 2009 | 4:31 pmI like to think about the people who could reunite as a result.http://www.calopen.org/ -
Published!
8 Feb 2009 | 3:27 pmI really haven't written much about my book (yet to be published) on this blog. Other things & ideas have taken precedence. But now I have birthmother piece that's just come out on http://www.literarymama.com/creativenonfiction/. It's a distillation from a few different chapters and tells a story that will be familiar to birthmothers of a certain era.Literary Mama is a wonderful online magazine---worth reading regularly. -
Adoption Laws in the Desert
27 Jan 2009 | 7:12 pmHere in Arizona--access to adoption recordsObtaining Non-Identifying Information:Non-identifying information (Remember non-identifying is the operative word in this sentence) is available to adoptive parents or a child's guardian, adopted adults age 18 or older, an adopted adult's spouse, birthparents, birth siblings, and-if an adopted adult is deceased-his or her adult children (age 18 or older).Note the ad. If you google anything about adoption, there is often a link you can click on to give a baby away. I find it especially pernicious, that girl or woman googling 'birthmother' in an… -
Chance
9 Jan 2009 | 2:01 pmThe world is full of adoptees and birthmothers, some reunited and many still unknown to one another. There are siblings out there, too. Some of whom dream of having a brother or a sister and don't know that they already have one. And maybe that person they're wishing for has the same brown eyes or the same dimple or a similar set of freckles or loves the same kind of chocolate or drives the same car. I've seen statistics that say there are somewhere between two million and six million birthmothers alive today in the U.S. Probably no one knows how many are reunited with their…
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Dad's Diary
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Walls tumbling?
13 Jun 2009 | 7:32 pmDanny is five, and has been with us in his forever home since we brought him from Guatemala when he was seven months old. Davey is four, and he has lived with us in his forever home for a little less than four months -- and until that point, he had lived in an orphanage in Luoyang City, China.The brothers are similar in a lot of ways -- very active, very funny, very cuts anad very silly, not to mention very "doesn't always do what they're told." But one difference has been striking, and it probably stems a lot from their upbringing. Danny, whether in a classroom or the playground, always… -
Another one milestone
26 May 2009 | 9:36 pmDavey talks. And talks. He talks from the moment he wakes up until the moment he (finally) konks out at night.And when he talks, it's almost always in English. Most of what he says starts with, "I want. ..." In other words, like every other four-year-old. And he's very smart. Even though we were told (and fully expected) that he'd pick up the language fast -- young children do that, we understood -- it's still pretty amazing to watch. It's probably more amzaing for me than most people, but that's just because I tend to project my own poor skills at learning foreign languages on… -
"Prepare to be amazed!"
19 May 2009 | 7:10 pmIf there's one thing better than watching the 2007 Disney-animated movie "Meet the Robinsons" it's watching Danny watch it. For one thing, it's a nice little movie, so every once in awhile that DVD makes its way back to the top of his "rotation." It's a fun time-travel yarn, but its theme is, at heart, about a young boy's efforts to come to to grips with how he ended up in an orphanage. Anyway, it's always intriguing to watch a 5-year-old child wrap his head around those types of themes -- especially when it's children like Danny and Davey, both of whom were adopted. Even though he's a… -
Dad's own milestone
16 May 2009 | 9:34 pmParents of young children know that life's full of "firsts" that we celebrate with gusto. And with a youngster like Davey, who is learning a new language and customs (and quite fast, I must say), it's almost like there's a "first" a day.Well, today I had a "first" of my own, and I owe it to a certain hamburger chain. The free "toy" this month in the chain's kids' meal (kind of silly not mentioning the name -- there's no big secret here) isn't a toy at all, but a CD with some apparently popular songs sung by kids. Danny and Davey have really been enjoying the tunes. In fact, they've both been… -
Name that brother
6 May 2009 | 9:31 pm"David"That's what Danny calls his little brother. What's interesting, though, is that nobody else calls Davey that. He's always "Davey" to us, and always has been since we first saw the photograph of Dang Jian-Sen on the All God's Children website's list of special needs children awaiting homes. Sure, his formal name is David, and I'm sure he has heard us refer to him as such from time to time -- but somehow I don't think that's where Danny got it.But "why" isn't really important. What is important is that this is something that's probably going to stick. Siblings have their own unique…
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Adoption Update
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Book Review
8 Jun 2009 | 4:05 pmFor those of you who are interested in Foster Care, I highly recommend reading Another Place At The Table. Kathy Harrison gives an honest, real life experience perspective on what it is like to be a foster parent. She talks about the financial aspect, dealing with birth parents, DSS and numerous other situations. I have a lot of respect for her and her family. It was a book that I could not put down. It was heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time. If you have ever read it, please feel free to leave a comment and share your thoughts. -
Ethiopia Update
16 May 2009 | 6:27 amAdoption AlertU.S. DEPARTMENT OF STATEBureau of Consular AffairsOffice of Children’s Issues——————————————————————————–May 13, 2009Adoptions of Abandoned Children Halted by Ethiopian Court:The Ethiopian First Instance Court has temporarily stopped accepting cases involving abandoned children from orphanages in Addis Ababa, citing concern over a recent increase in the number of abandoned children being brought for adoption. The… -
Oklahoma Makes Some Changes
3 May 2009 | 6:37 amI came across this posting on an adoption forum and wanted to pass it along. It comes from Oklahoma where some changes are taking place in their legal system to help protect adoptive parents, adopted children, biological parents, attorneys and judges from being taken advantage of. Please read below: “HB 2174 requires public reporting of adoption expenses to allow judges and the public to see the actual costs attorneys charge in adoptions. It also requires that only one prospective adoptive family at a time be billed for a birth mother’s expenses and that all adoptions must be… -
Adoption Tax Credit
25 Apr 2009 | 8:24 amAs we all know, the adoption tax credit is set to expire in December 2010. Now is the time to act! Unless Congress votes to continue the tax credit, we will loose the tax credit altogether, except for those adopting a special needs child. The tax credit has made it possible for thousands of families to adopt and we want to continue this for as long as possible. There are still 16 states that do not support this bill! Hard to believe. Rainbow Kids recently posted an article that address what you can do to help support this bill. It also lists the states that currently do not support this… -
Foster Care Adoptions
6 Apr 2009 | 8:42 amWith the downslide of the economy, adoption is suffering. The need for adoptive parents still remains. But it is no secret that adoption can be an expensive process. However, there still remains over 129,000 children in foster care who are in need of loving families. Adopting from the foster care system is a wonderful option and also very realistic financially. The Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption reports that more than 129,000 children in foster care are now available for adoption. Most foster care adoptions are completed for less than $2,500 – considerably less than most private…
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Adoption Talk
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Last Day of Camp
2 Jul 2009 | 8:38 pmToday was the last day of the Chinese Language/Culture Camp Zoe has been attending for the past 3 weeks. We were entertained with songs and dances and skits and a parade of Chinese costumes (the middle school/high school class got to show off Tang Dynasty, etc., royal costumes).I was surprised at how much everyone learned in just three weeks. Our friend, L., who had not had ANY Chinese language instruction before camp knew all seven of the songs the group sang, can introduce herself, say her age and date of birth and Zodiac sign, describe the members of her family, give her nationality, say… -
Family Planning Officials in China Forced Parents to Give Children to Orphanage
1 Jul 2009 | 11:01 pmShanghai Daily reports:An orphanage in southwest China has been accused of taking children away from parents who can't afford fines for violating family planning policy and sending the kids overseas for adoption.The orphanage was reportedly earning US$3,000 for each child placed with a foreign family.The allegations involve family planning officials in Zhenyuan County, Guizhou Province. They demanded that parents who violated childbirth regulations pay 10,000 yuan (US$1,460) for each extra offspring, according to Nanfang Metropolis Daily. Those who couldn't afford the fine were ordered to… -
On Being Different
30 Jun 2009 | 7:13 pmI threw this question, "How does it feel to be Chinese," at Maya after she sang me some Chinese songs. I was sort of expecting a noncommital "OK," instead of "Different."Maya's preschool class was pretty diverse -- 13 kids in the class, with one African-American, one Hispanic, one Lebanese, one Chinese. And Maya realized she was the only Chinese. And that made her different. -
Adoption Joy/Adoption Pain
30 Jun 2009 | 4:48 pmAs usual, Margie at Third Mom nails it:I live adoption two ways. I live it through my own adoption journey: the story of how my husband and I decided to adopt, how we chose to adopt from Korea, our homestudy, the legal process we followed, the waiting, the arrivals, and parenting. That journey is one that is marked by sadness and joy, sometimes for reasons that really have nothing to do with adoption itself, like infertility. But given the outcome - my two incredible kids - adoption has been and is a joyful experience for me, one that has completed me, rather than causing division and… -
The Note
29 Jun 2009 | 7:05 pmThis note has always been a bit pesky for me. Zoe's orphanage director said it was found with her. Getting such a note is amazing, consequential, meaningful -- if you believe what the orphanage director said.But these notes are rare. And all three families getting children from Guiping SWI got notes, and no one else in our travel group with children from other orphanages in the same province got notes. And all of the notes were on red paper. And all of them were said to have no more than the date of birth. We looked at each other's notes, and the handwriting seemed different to us on each…
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About.com: Adoption/Foster Care
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Michael Jackson's Children
30 Jun 2009 | 4:00 pmThere are so many reports out there regarding Michael Jackson, but here are some latest bits of news regarding Michael Jackson's children. Katherine Jackson, 79, Micheal's beloved mother, was granted... -
When Adoption Reunions Go Wrong - Very Wrong
27 Jun 2009 | 4:39 pmAn interesting article from the Philadelphia Daily News caught my attention the other day. It seems that a New Jersey woman is suing the state for 1 million dollars... -
Do You Have the Post Adoption Blues?
24 Jun 2009 | 4:00 pmThis book really opened my eyes as to the pressure that many prospective adoptive parents seem to place upon themselves as they seek to present a perfect representation of themselves... -
Hot Weather May Bring Needed Changes in Hair & Skin Care Routines
22 Jun 2009 | 7:13 amIt's hot. It's really, really hot here in KS. Three digit temperatures. And with the change in the weather, comes needed changes in our parenting, especially if we... -
You Know You're a Foster or Adoptive Father When....
18 Jun 2009 | 4:00 pmHow would you finish the following sentence? "You know you're a foster or adoptive father when..." Perhaps you never know how many kids you will have from day...
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Adoption News
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Reconnecting with birth mom opens new chapter
21 Jun 2009 | 5:41 amhattiesburgamerican.com — Margaret Harless has always known this story. It involves a single German woman, an American couple and a heart-wrenching decision made on an Air Force base in Kaiserslautern, Germany, in 1954. The reunion took place via Facebook and adoption.comread more -
Speaking English a Requirement for Motherhood?
21 Jun 2009 | 5:22 amracewire.org — In Pascagoula, Mississippi, in November 2008, Cirila Baltazar Cruz gave birth to a baby girl. Soon after, her daughter was taken away from her because she could not communicate with the hospital attendants. read more -
After More Than 40 Years, Siblings Reunite Online - ABC News
26 May 2009 | 2:17 pmabcnews.go.com — Classmates.com advertises that it can help users "find high school friends, plan reunions," but for one Mobile, Ala. pastor, the Web site led to an incredible family reunion 40 years in the making with a sister he never knew. Link -
Just before CSUF graduation, a family reunites
26 May 2009 | 4:53 amAdopted at birth, Elizabeth Cox had only a handful of records with her parents' names and birth dates. For years, she debated whether she should try to find them. But what would she say? "Hi, I'm your daughter" -- it seemed too strange.read more | digg story -
After 40 years, a father can tug on the ties that bind
25 May 2009 | 5:54 amAs I watch my daughter grow, I am haunted by my son. For 40 years, he has been lost to me. Days after he was born, he was gone, hustled off to the waiting embrace of the Children's Aid Society. At four months old, he would move on to his adoptive home - as his mother and I had agonizingly agreed should happen - and out of our lives forever. read more | digg story
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firstmotherforum.com
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Rowe says she is adopted....What more can this tale reveal?
3 Jul 2009 | 7:42 amThe story continues to get more bizarro: In an interview with a British paper it states that Debbie Rowe says she is the "adopted daughter of a millionaire couple from Malibu."She continues to claim that she is the biological mother but Wendy Murphy, feminist lawyer and commentator, writes otherwise:"Latest claims are that although Rowe gestated Prince and Paris, she used an egg and sperm donor. Rowe denies the claim and says they are HER biological children - but not Jackson’s. It’s an interesting legal dilemma in theory because neither Rowe nor Jackson formally "adopted" the kids, which… -
The Continuing Saga of Debbie Rowe....
3 Jul 2009 | 4:29 amThe Debbie Rowe/Michael Jackson story continues to change, hour to hour. Last night Rev. Al Sharpton was on the tube talking about how Rowe, the mother of his children, does not deserve to get them because Michael wanted his 79-year-old mother, or 63-year-old Diana Ross to be their guardian, and that Ms. Rowe really is hardly worth considering.This morning one "legal expert" on one channel was saying that she has almost no chance of getting the two oldest children--her children--while on another the legal expert was announcing that under California law, she has a very good claim indeed. -
Breaking News on the Jackson kids is not for First Mother Forum
2 Jul 2009 | 6:49 pmLet me eat my words before anything else: Debbie Rowe, the purported mother of Michael Jackson's two oldest children was announcing that she was going to ask for custody of the two children she bore at the very time we were posting our last blog. She added that she did not think she would get custody of the third child, Prince Michael, or "Blanket," but would make the case that keeping the siblings together would be best for their mental health. So.......we were wrong.And in a further reassessment of the situation: checking out her picture, she does have that cute upturned nose that the other… -
The King of Pop Leaves a Legacy of Angst to his children
2 Jul 2009 | 7:59 amMichael Jackson Pals Around With His KidsMichael Jackson and his three kids at Prince Michael II's (aka "Blanket") first birthday party. Seated left-to-right: Prince Michael Jackson II, Michael Jackson, Prince Michael Joseph Jackson I, and Paris Michael Katherine Jackson.(Zuma Press) So...are the Michael Jackson's kids totally products of modern technology? Or do they have biological parents and a heritage they might know one day??? Maybe yes, maybe no. Say the celebrity writers here. The purported mother of the first two children, Debbie Rowe, does not even seem to be in the mix as a… -
Death of a Birth Father
30 Jun 2009 | 7:49 amLorraine Dusky (c) copyright 2009 This isn't contiguous in the book, but this answers the question left by the following post: Did my daughter's birth father ever meet her? January, 1991. A friend from Newsday phoned, and she was not her usual cheerful self. I’d known Judy since we worked together as reporters in Albany—it fact, she had been the friend I’d driven over to see in a daze the evening Brian called and informed me we were a no-go. Now here she was, two decades later telling me Brian had died, probably of a massive heart attack, that’s all she knew. He might have been dead…
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Grown In My Heart
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What’s in a Name?
3 Jul 2009 | 6:00 amUntil this past Friday, I felt very nervous about the topic of Chinese names. Most China-adoptive parents typically include their child’s Chinese name as a middle or a second middle name. Those who know me in real life know that I am a huge proponent of this. And yet… call me a hypocrite, but… the husband and I chose to give the Tongginator a Western first name and a different Chinese name as her middle name. We kept no part of her original Chinese name as her legal name. We always told one another that we would support the Tongginator, both emotionally and financially, if… -
Adoption Tears for a Stranger
2 Jul 2009 | 6:00 amHalf way around the world there is a woman whom I have never met, yet I cannot get off my mind. She is the first mother of my children. I have had enough exposure to women who have chosen adoption for their children to know that sometimes that pain just never comes out, other times it changes a woman, and so forth and so on - there are so many unknowns. Eight months after Little Man and Little Princess joined our family, I still struggle to keep my head straight from day to day and while I thought it would get easier when they were both mobile I was wrong. I have recently visited my doctor to… -
Culture Camp eBook Launch
2 Jul 2009 | 5:09 amTraditionally, a culture camp brings together adopted children from around the world so they can share their experiences with each other. Some camps offer sleep away camp settings while others only offer day camps. Children and adults learn about culture, history, adoption heritage, and intolerance and character. Most culture camps enrich cultural literacy include physical activities, world music and crafts. By nature they accommodate different learning styles. But what happens when your children are just too young to attend a culture camp and are seriously interested in learning about their… -
Should adoption be easier?
1 Jul 2009 | 6:00 amBefore you read Heather’s post today please congratulate her on this month’s publication in Adoptive Families Magazine! Congrats Heather and Well DONE! An official at Duke University was arrested last week on charges of not only molesting his son but offering him up to be raped by others. He was a father by adoption. Before anyone protests that there are horrible parents out there who abuse their biological children, too, just wait–because it gets worse. In Internet chats, Frank Lombard allegedly said he was “into incest” and implied that he adopted for the… -
4th of July Crafts
30 Jun 2009 | 6:00 amI have to admit I am a patriotic sap! I think it is because I became an American citizen in second grade. The naturalization process was different in the 1970’s. Even though I was adopted at 18 months old I had to wait years to become a citizen. This made becoming an American so special for me. I still remember my second grade teacher giving me a decorated coffee can with a flag in it to display on my desk. I remember all the kids gathering around in admiration — at the coffee can, not me — as if it were somehow more than just a coffee can with construction paper stars taped…
