Adoption

  • Most Topular Stories

  • Contacting one's child after the photos stop

    [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum
    18 Aug 2015 | 6:58 am
    Lorraine Dear First Mother Forum:My son turned 20 this year and I would love to send him a note, letting him know that I have never forgotten him. His birth father and I each wrote him a letter before he was born explaining why he was given up for adoption.Assuming his adoptive parents gave them to him, he has some pictures of me when I was pregnant with him, and of his birth father, as well as pictures of me with him and his adoptive family when I gave him to them. They sent pictures over the years when I requested them, but it has been a little over 10 years since I last requested/sent…
  • Adoption may cost us our grandchildren

    [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum
    24 Aug 2015 | 9:43 am
    JaneI am at a small resort near Bend, Oregon with my husband Jay and my youngest grandchild, ten year old Katie. I've known Katie all her life; she's the daughter of one of my raised daughters. Never any question but that she would be in my life.Not so with the four children of my daughter, Rebecca, lost to adoption. Their mother had another mother who they knew as Grandma. I was fortunate that Rebecca introduced me to her children when we first reunited. I didn't claim the title Grandma lest I be accused of usurping a position I was not entitled to; I signed birthday cards "Jane." I…
  • Telling your child he was conceived by rape

    [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum
    7 Aug 2015 | 9:00 pm
    LorraineSo what if your child was conceived by rape?Or some other really not pleasant circumstance? If you don't exactly know who the father is?Adoptees may be reluctant to bring up the question of conception because it is so personal, and too much information is not what they are looking for. But they are going to want to know the how. If you the natural mother was in a relationship--as both Jane and I were--more specifics are unnecessary. People in a relationship are known to consummate their love. They have sex.For many, that is enough information. As Jane said in the previous post, some…
  • Letters for Them

    Writing My Wrongs
    Suz
    15 Aug 2015 | 9:36 am
    “Letters for Them is an open invitation for all adoptees to write and submit letters to birth parent(s), natural parent(s), birth/natural families, [preferred term]. The idea is that this be a pseudo-location to send these otherwise unsendable letters.” – Letters for Them Have you heard of the above site?  Go check it out and let me know your thoughts. I have mixed feelings on it.  As one of the “them”, I dislike the title.  Sad we are the other, the them, the her, the him, the it.  That being said, I can see some value for adoptees to have a space to…
  • 10 Things They Don’t Tell You About Private Domestic Adoption

    Canada Adopts
    Lawrence
    13 Aug 2015 | 6:56 am
    This guest post is by Barb Rebelo, a waiting adoptive mother.  Fingerprinting.  Medical reports.  Adoption training.  Endless paperwork. These are just a few of the many steps hopeful adoptive parents need to go through in order to be ready to adopt through private domestic adoption. And that’s the easy part! What isn’t so easy is all the other stuff people don’t tell you about. My husband and I are “officially waiting,” and sometimes I feel like it’s a wonder we ever got to this stage—not because we don’t meet the criteria or weren’t willing to do the work, but…
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    Musings of the Lame- Exposing Adoption Truth

  • Boundaries: Our Adoption Agency Warns About Extortion

    27 Aug 2015 | 8:14 am
    By Lori Holden Question: My son came to me 9 months ago from a Caribbean island. He’s now 3 ½ years old and adjusting quite well. When I went to get him, I met his birth family — his birth mom, half-sister, and paternal aunt. They love my son and wish him the best and I really liked them … Continue reading Boundaries: Our Adoption Agency Warns About Extortion → The post Boundaries: Our Adoption Agency Warns About Extortion appeared first on Lavender Luz. Read at the Source: : Come on by to Musings of the Lame to read the rest of this post. Come on, you know you want to!
  • Are Parents Disposable and Interchangeable?

    26 Aug 2015 | 8:14 pm
    By Mirah Riben Recently CBS News reported on what they called “The New Fatherhood,” which featured two men: physician Conrad Cean and photographer Alan Cresto, each of whom decided to be a parent, without a partner. Each purchased eggs and hired a surrogate to carry a child for them, intentionally creating motherless children. Clinical psychologist Barbara Greenberg appeared on the segment applauding their family-building, joining the CBS News anchors in admiring the men’s... Come on by to Musings of the Lame to read the rest of this post. Come on, you know you want to!
  • Tasty Tidbits: Farmers on Farming

    24 Aug 2015 | 8:16 am
    By Lori Holden I had the pleasure of dining last week with a half-dozen women who farm Colorado land. Over a delicious meal to which they certainly contributed, I got to find Common Ground with these farmers. Less than 2% of our population provides food for 100% of our population. — Ann Cross, CommonGroundCO Ann is part of … Continue reading Tasty Tidbits: Farmers on Farming → The post Tasty Tidbits: Farmers on Farming appeared first on Lavender Luz. Read at the Source: : Come on by to Musings of the Lame to read the rest of this post. Come on, you know you want to!
  • Does Open Adoption Work?

    22 Aug 2015 | 8:15 am
    By Lori Holden My last post touched on the debate spurred by publicity for Amy Seek’s new memoir, God and Jetfire: Confessions of a Birth Mother. I started with a courtroom scene but decided to go this route instead. (You don’t have to have read that book to get this post.) Rorschach Test I see the debate about … Continue reading Does Open Adoption Work? → The post Does Open Adoption Work? appeared first on Lavender Luz. Read at the Source: : Come on by to Musings of the Lame to read the rest of this post. Come on, you know you want to!
  • Amy Seek’s God and Jetfire: Open Adoption on Trial

    20 Aug 2015 | 8:15 am
    By Lori Holden Note: Though tempting, please do not comment on the headline only without reading the full post. Recent publicity for Amy Seek’s new memoir, God and Jetfire: Confessions of a Birth Mother seems to have put open adoption on trial. Amy Seek, a landscape architect and writer living in London, gives readers an account of her … Continue reading Amy Seek’s God and Jetfire: Open Adoption on Trial → The post Amy Seek’s God and Jetfire: Open Adoption on Trial appeared... Come on by to Musings of the Lame to read the rest of this post. Come on, you know you want to!
 
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    Lavender Luz

  • Boundaries: Our Adoption Agency Warns About Extortion

    Lori Holden
    27 Aug 2015 | 7:01 am
    Question: My son came to me 9 months ago from a Caribbean island. He’s now 3 ½ years old and adjusting quite well. When I went to get him, I met his birth family — his birth mom, half-sister, and paternal aunt. They love my son and wish him the best and I really liked them … Continue reading Boundaries: Our Adoption Agency Warns About Extortion → The post Boundaries: Our Adoption Agency Warns About Extortion appeared first on Lavender Luz.
  • Tasty Tidbits: Farmers on Farming

    Lori Holden
    24 Aug 2015 | 4:45 am
    I had the pleasure of dining last week with a half-dozen women who farm Colorado land. Over a delicious meal to which they certainly contributed, I got to find Common Ground with these farmers. Less than 2% of our population provides food for 100% of our population. — Ann Cross, CommonGroundCO Ann is part of … Continue reading Tasty Tidbits: Farmers on Farming → The post Tasty Tidbits: Farmers on Farming appeared first on Lavender Luz.
  • Does Open Adoption Work?

    Lori Holden
    22 Aug 2015 | 7:10 am
    My last post touched on the debate spurred by publicity for Amy Seek’s new memoir, God and Jetfire: Confessions of a Birth Mother. I started with a courtroom scene but decided to go this route instead. (You don’t have to have read that book to get this post.) Rorschach Test I see the debate about … Continue reading Does Open Adoption Work? → The post Does Open Adoption Work? appeared first on Lavender Luz.
  • Open Adoption on Trial: Amy Seek’s “God and Jetfire”

    Lori Holden
    20 Aug 2015 | 7:02 am
    Note: Though tempting, please do not comment on the headline only, without reading the full post. Recent publicity for Amy Seek’s new memoir, God and Jetfire: Confessions of a Birth Mother seems to have put open adoption on trial. Amy Seek, a landscape architect and writer living in London, gives readers an account of her … Continue reading Open Adoption on Trial: Amy Seek’s “God and Jetfire” → The post Open Adoption on Trial: Amy Seek’s “God and Jetfire” appeared first on Lavender Luz.
  • Bloom Where You’re Planted

    Lori Holden
    17 Aug 2015 | 5:00 am
    This is a cucumber plant in our yard. I did not put it there. I planted cucumbers about 75 feet away in a carefully tended garden. But this rogue cuke somehow grounded itself in the rocks, near the children’s swing set and assorted pairs of stomping feet. Stubborn thing. ~~~~~ In that carefully tended garden, … Continue reading Bloom Where You’re Planted → The post Bloom Where You’re Planted appeared first on Lavender Luz.
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    O Momma Writes

  • Great Ideas For Helping Your Family Use A Routine

    Ashley Roberts
    5 Aug 2015 | 3:08 am
    Sometimes, especially with a large family, life runs more smoothly with a routine. I read about how children with autism respond more positively if they know what to expect on any given day. It’s when there is a diversion from the routine that problems can occur. I’ve put it to the test more than once. If everyone knows what to expect, things can happen more efficiently. My family routine is a tricky one to maintain, just like any is. But it’s so helpful. Think about when the kids were toddlers. Setting up their morning routine means it usually happens without argument. It includes…
  • Understanding your Child’s Growth Milestones

    Ashley Roberts
    11 Jun 2015 | 2:13 pm
    Children grow up incredibly quickly and before we know it, they’re already teens and adults. Even though having a baby is often a very stressful and time-consuming experience, it’s not long before your baby is a toddler on the move and then a child who’s off to school every single day. Understanding the developmental benchmarks for your baby and toddler will help you to know that your child is developing well and is growing in the manner that they should. For example, babies will normally start holding their heads up on their own around four months old, but they may not be…
  • What’s the right pillow for you? And how to choose!

    Ashley Roberts
    24 Apr 2015 | 7:31 am
    Pillows! They are so important for a good night’s sleep, but they are not all one and the same and there is no ‘one size fits all’. Perusing the multitude of available pillow options can be confusing and it can also be hard to know where to start or what you actually need. Why buy quality? While many different bedding products, including pillows, are available at a range of price points, buying the best quality possible is always advisable. Refer to the websites of exceptional quality pillow and bedding companies to better understand the features and benefits of the products they sell.
  • 10 Smart Ways Moms Can Spend Their Tax Returns

    Ashley Roberts
    22 Apr 2015 | 12:50 pm
    While tax season is usually dreaded, the silver lining for many people is the tax return check they will receive. While the amount ranges from small to large depending upon the person, any extra money is a welcomed blessing. Though it can be tempting to blow through that money, before making a rash decision as to where to spend it, take a careful look at your budget. Assess your financial means before determining whether the money should be saved or spent.   Here are 10 smart ways moms can spend their tax returns:   Home Improvements Many home improvement projects go on the back…
  • How to Sell Your Phone for Cash

    Ashley Roberts
    7 Apr 2015 | 12:47 pm
    With many people looking to upgrade their mobile phones, there are tons of old cell phones available that can be exchanged for money. If you are also one of those people asking “where do I sell my mobile in the UK for a good amount of cash?”, then there are several methods to do that. With the immense popularity of the Internet, it has become a main source of business in twenty first century. You can also take the assistance of the Internet in order to sell your mobile phone and earn money by placing an auction of your phone on several websites. There you can choose your preferred method…
 
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    Writing My Wrongs

  • Letters for Them

    Suz
    15 Aug 2015 | 9:36 am
    “Letters for Them is an open invitation for all adoptees to write and submit letters to birth parent(s), natural parent(s), birth/natural families, [preferred term]. The idea is that this be a pseudo-location to send these otherwise unsendable letters.” – Letters for Them Have you heard of the above site?  Go check it out and let me know your thoughts. I have mixed feelings on it.  As one of the “them”, I dislike the title.  Sad we are the other, the them, the her, the him, the it.  That being said, I can see some value for adoptees to have a space to…
  • A Life Let Go

    Suz
    12 Aug 2015 | 8:30 am
    Hat tip to Susie at Finding Christopher for bringing my awareness to the book A Life Let Go: A Memoir and Five Birth Mother Stories of Closed Adoption by Patricia Florin. Excerpt from Amazon: “Closed adoption, heralded as the answer to the problem of unplanned pregnancy, shows its other side in A Life Let Go, A Memoir and Five Birth Mother Stories of Closed Adoption. These women tell how they experienced unplanned pregnancy in the restrictiveness of the last decades of the twentieth century. All gave up a child in closed adoption—the only option—understanding they would never see…
  • Hell to the YES, Julie!

    Suz
    11 Aug 2015 | 12:29 pm
    “Speaking as an adoptee, I believe that the physical and emotional life of my mother should have been considered just as important, if not more, as that of the fetus growing in her uterus that ended up being me. Losing your newborn baby to adoption is extremely traumatic for a parent. Helping a mother parent her newborn, if this is what she truly wants to do, is much more compassionate and “pro-life” than scaring and shaming the mother into “giving her baby a better life through adoption.” – Julie Stromberg Read Julie’s entire post at Lost Daughters.
  • After a While

    Suz
    5 Aug 2015 | 5:57 pm
    Ran across this on a friends’s Facebook wall today.  I have always loved it.  It reminded me of my younger self, my divorcing self (seven years ago) and even my in reunion yet not self.  I find it empowering. From an adoption non reunion perspective it strikes me in that it reminds me that we need to go forward – rejected or not, pained or not, we need to plant our own garden and live our life with or without the other party to our reunion.   Do not let their approach to reunion define you. I gave adoption too much of my soul.  My daughters choosing to not know her first…
  • Do you pray?

    Suz
    30 Jul 2015 | 5:32 pm
    Do you pray? I do not.  Despite being raised conservative Roman Catholic, I am not a follower of any organized religion and consider myself agnostic. I believe in higher powers, something greater than myself, but I do not subscribe to the bible I was beat with or any other theology.  And yet, I want to ask those who pray, to pray. Or think good thoughts. Or do a rain dance. Or make a sacrifice. Or whatever you do to wish someone good luck. I gifted a very dear friend an AncestryDNA kit.  She is an adoptee and first mother and she is very special to me.  For years she has spoken off and…
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    [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum

  • Adoption may cost us our grandchildren

    24 Aug 2015 | 9:43 am
    JaneI am at a small resort near Bend, Oregon with my husband Jay and my youngest grandchild, ten year old Katie. I've known Katie all her life; she's the daughter of one of my raised daughters. Never any question but that she would be in my life.Not so with the four children of my daughter, Rebecca, lost to adoption. Their mother had another mother who they knew as Grandma. I was fortunate that Rebecca introduced me to her children when we first reunited. I didn't claim the title Grandma lest I be accused of usurping a position I was not entitled to; I signed birthday cards "Jane." I…
  • Contacting one's child after the photos stop

    18 Aug 2015 | 6:58 am
    Lorraine Dear First Mother Forum:My son turned 20 this year and I would love to send him a note, letting him know that I have never forgotten him. His birth father and I each wrote him a letter before he was born explaining why he was given up for adoption.Assuming his adoptive parents gave them to him, he has some pictures of me when I was pregnant with him, and of his birth father, as well as pictures of me with him and his adoptive family when I gave him to them. They sent pictures over the years when I requested them, but it has been a little over 10 years since I last requested/sent…
  • Dusky weaves the personal with the political

    14 Aug 2015 | 12:31 pm
    Janet Mason EllerbyLorraine's new memoir brings together her story as well as the larger tale of adoption in the 20th mid-century and the imperative for change. This is the message of  Janet Ellerby's engaging review of Lorraine's new memoir,Hole In My Heart, published this week in the CUB Communicator--jane“Until I had answers, I would be stuck in a mire of remorse and recrimination...I could not move forward into my next act, until I found her.” Thus writes Lorraine Dusky in her compelling new memoir, Hole In My Heart: memoir and report from the fault lines of…
  • Telling your child he was conceived by rape

    7 Aug 2015 | 9:00 pm
    LorraineSo what if your child was conceived by rape?Or some other really not pleasant circumstance? If you don't exactly know who the father is?Adoptees may be reluctant to bring up the question of conception because it is so personal, and too much information is not what they are looking for. But they are going to want to know the how. If you the natural mother was in a relationship--as both Jane and I were--more specifics are unnecessary. People in a relationship are known to consummate their love. They have sex.For many, that is enough information. As Jane said in the previous post, some…
  • Telling your child about her/his conception

    5 Aug 2015 | 2:47 pm
    JaneMothers often feel it necessary to explain the circumstances of pregnancy to the child lost to adoption. In our attempts to cast ourselves in a positive light (or absolve ourselves: it was not my fault!), we  may unwittingly send a negative message to our child. Not only were they to too unimportant to keep but they owe their beginnings to coercion, carelessness, or ignorance. They were a big mistake from day one!We're about our defensive unplanned pregnancy. We know the questions presented from outsiders when we tell them about our child asked or not. "How could you let yourself get…
 
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    Adoption Truth

  • Hate In My Heart

    12 Aug 2015 | 5:15 pm
    I have come to know so many First Moms in my years fighting for Adoption Reform, Adoptee Rights, and even Father’s rights.  Some I consider my greatest friends.  Wonderful allies in this knock-down, painful world of adoption and the fight to change it.  Then there are those who I often disagree with.  Believe are playing right into the coercion and manipulation the adoption industry seeks.  Pushing and encouraging more vulnerable, pregnant mothers into giving up their babies to make themselves feel better for their own experiences.And though it’s no secret that I…
  • What The Camera Missed

    30 Jul 2015 | 4:40 pm
    By this time, it’s very few who haven’t gotten more than their fair share of the pictures that have gone viral.  Pictures that show the story of a desperate couple and their desire to adopt a newborn.  Pictures that show their joy, their happiness at claiming the child they so desired.  Pictures that, conveniently, leave out the mother of this child.  The one who went through nine months loving and nurturing her little girl.  Who gave birth only to face the terrible reality she would would now begin a new life of being without her own child.  Her own flesh…
  • The Popular Table

    23 Jul 2015 | 1:06 pm
    So . . . there are many reasons why I have been so neglectful here on my blog.One of the greatest ones is I’m finally giving myself permission to concentrate on my other writing without feeling guilty for doing so.  I can still help.  I can still support pregnant mothers in need.  I can still be an advocate for adoption reform and adoptee rights.But it’s okay, at this point in my life, to do that on a smaller scale so that I can concentrate on all I walked away from back when I faced some of the worst struggles in giving up my oldest son.Another reason is . . . regardless…
  • Coercion And Manipulation . . . Can't Fight That

    13 Jul 2015 | 3:55 pm
    Again, another fit, loving mother, Kimberly Rossler, is being forced to fight for her baby.For Kimberly, she had decided before ever giving birth to keep her son.  She took him home, raised loved and cared for him for three weeks before he was taken to satisfy the desires of the woman desperate to claim her son as her own.There are  many news stories, blog posts, out there that can give you Kimberly’s story and the horror that happened to her, and worst of all, her newborn son.  With a visit to the Facebook page, Bring Baby Elliott Home, there is plenty of information on…
  • Repeat After Me

    9 Apr 2015 | 7:51 pm
    Okay, sit back, get comfortable, clear your throat and repeat after me . . . The promise of Birth Mother privacy is a lie!Let’s say it one more time . . . The promise of Birth Mother privacy is a lie!I have yet, in the many years I’ve been a part of the fight for Adoptee Rights and Adoption Reform, come across a First (Birth) Mom who was promised privacy.  And I have never seen a single piece of legal paper guaranteeing such a thing.If you are a First Mom who claims you were promised privacy, you are either lying or were lied to.  It is just that simple.To carry out a promise of…
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    One Thankful Mom | Lisa Qualls

  • Christmas Ornaments and Culinary School

    Lisa Qualls
    27 Aug 2015 | 7:06 am
    I went to bed last night knowing that today would be the 27th, eight months since the accident. I know I’m not exactly attracting readers to my blog by writing more about grief; I told myself – once a week at the most – but I can’t do anything else today, I just can’t. Thanks […]
  • My Learning Curve: Catching Hunger Early

    Lisa Qualls
    26 Aug 2015 | 6:05 am
    This post, from February 10, 2009, launched My Learning Curve, a series of posts with practical tips for parenting children from “hard places.” I’m reaching back deep into my archives to share some of the best posts with you (with updates) over the next weeks. I hope you find them helpful. Kalkidan is a lean girl […]
  • Tuesday Topic: Should We Change Our Child’s Age?

    Lisa Qualls
    25 Aug 2015 | 6:01 am
    Look at us! Tuesday Topics two weeks in a row. Did you enjoy reading the responses to last week’s question as much as I did? Today our question comes from Teresa, who asks, We have adopted multiple children from a country where birth records are either absent or often inaccurate. Our children are still younger […]
  • Sometimes Lightening Strikes

    Lisa Qualls
    24 Aug 2015 | 8:34 am
    On Hannah’s last day at the beach, we took a long walk at low tide. Strolling along the tide flats, we searched for beach glass and admired the beautiful houses on the far end of the bay. As we walked, the wind picked up and the sky grew darker. My sister, Laura, and her family […]
  • Where are They This Summer? [Mimi and Samuel]

    Lisa Qualls
    20 Aug 2015 | 7:36 am
    Summer is nearly over and I have not yet finished this little series of updates! I’m going wrap up my big kids today. Mimi had a summer full of travel. She has always wanted to see the world and have adventures. When she was in college she dreamed of being a travel writer. Life went […]
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    Rage Against the Minivan

  • Friday Finds

    28 Aug 2015 | 6:00 pm
    1. Short Sleeve Plaid Shirt | The Children's Place 2.  The Children's Place | Ollie Laced Sneaker3. Short Sleeve Striped Pocket Tee | The Children's Place 4. The Children's Place  | Sleeveless Photo-Real Rainbow Dress 5.  Floral-Printed Knit Jeggings | The Children's Place 6. The Children's Place  | Short Sleeve Heart Print Skater Dress | 7. Solar Mechanics | Woozymoo8. Squigz Deluxe Set |  Woozymoo 9.  Woozymoo | Reptangles 
  • That's What SHE Said: know your history, adopting through the foster care system, God's anger, toddler texts, unlucky wives and more...

    28 Aug 2015 | 11:34 am
    RACE IN THE US: KNOW YOUR HISTORY"We are a nation of contradictions. We continue to fight the same battles over and over, decade after decade, generation after generation without facing reality. We put band aids on lacerations and hope the cancer of racial hatred won’t recur. Once again, we are at a pivotal moment. The pendulum is moving. It is as clear as it has ever been that what we know about our history shapes the way we think of ourselves, the way we think of our government and the way we treat our fellow Americans. What we know about history and what we know about current events…
  • What I want you to know about having an empty nest

    28 Aug 2015 | 6:00 am
    What I Want You to Know is a series of reader submissions. It is an attempt to allow people to tell their personal stories, in the hopes of bringing greater compassion to the unique issues each of us face. If you would like to submit a story to this series, click here.  Today’s guest post is by Laurie.What I want you to know about the empty nest or having a mid-life crisis. I am 49 years old, have a middle-class life, a master's degree, a dead end job, a nice, hard-working husband, and two grown sons. In the past three years, my husband has left a 25 year career to…
  • Is "having it all" a feminist fiction?

    26 Aug 2015 | 11:46 pm
    Is it possible to have it all?It’s a question that seems to be frequently asked, usually in regards to women, and especially in regards to mothers. The pressure “do it all” can sometimes be overwhelming.  Many women enter motherhood believing that they can successfully balance their roles as wife, mother, homemaker, and employee, only to discover that the juggling act often means that one or more roles suffer.As we are nearing the end of a summer with all four of my kids at home, I can attest to this.As a working mom, I usually have more on my plate than is probably realistic with…
  • Wednesday's Child: Jessica

    26 Aug 2015 | 12:00 pm
    Every Wednesday I feature a child recently highlighted by a local Wednesday's Child newscast to share the stories of children from around the country who are waiting for a family. My hope is that this can broaden exposure for the children highlighted, but also serve as a reminder that these children represent thousands of children currently in the foster-care system. Perhaps their stories will inspire you to consider opening your home to a child needing a family. For more information and to learn about other waiting children, visit AdoptUsKids
 
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    Julie Gumm - Author

  • How We Let Our Kids Budget Their Back To School Clothes

    juliegumm@yahoo.com
    13 Aug 2015 | 3:00 am
    As our kids get increasingly older (now 12, 14, 15 & 16) we’ve been trying to figure out the best way to do back to school clothes shopping. Part of the difficulty is that no two kids “need” the same amount of things. And yes, I am talking about needs. We basically go by a 10-day system. 10 basic outfits gets them through once a week laundry. Then each kid might have 2-3 “nice” outfits (for the girls that’s dresses for concerts etc.). And of course as seasons go there’s needs for jackets etc. For shoes we basically keep the kids in one pair of…
  • Saving My Sanity During Back to School Supply Shopping

    juliegumm@yahoo.com
    9 Aug 2015 | 10:00 pm
    It’s that glorious time of year when children all across the land are loading up on big yellow school buses and leaving our homes for 7 solid hours per day. Now yes, I know that moms generally fall into one of two camps during August. There’s the “oh no, our lazy summer days are gone, I’m so sad” and then there’s the “halleluiah I don’t have to listen to another kid say ‘I’m bored’ or spend all day carting kids all over creation” group. We in the Gumm household are firmly encamped in the latter. Does that sound horrible?
  • Our Ethiopia Trip – Arriving to Family

    juliegumm@yahoo.com
    21 Apr 2015 | 11:00 pm
    Our Monday flight from Dubai to Ethiopia was a “quick” 4 hours and we arrived there a little after 1:30 p.m. Dad rushed us off the plane and into the Visa line to beat the crowd. Surprise…visa prices had gone up $30 each since his last trip. Darn. All morning you could tell that anxiety levels were a little elevated. It showed in some of us more than others. I gave the kids one last pep talk as we headed into baggage claim. It was probably all forgotten by the time we waited nearly an hour to collect our 3 large bags. (Are you impressed with our packing skills? I was.) We…
  • Our Ethiopia Trip – Exploring Dubai

    juliegumm@yahoo.com
    20 Apr 2015 | 10:47 am
    Finally getting around to blogging about our trip…. One of the advantages to flying Emirates to Ethiopia is the chance to explore Dubai. On the way there (departing from Dallas) we had a 22-hour layover. We landed before noon and were out of the airport by about 1:00 – not bad. (BTW, the kids did great on the flight. With over 2,000 entertainment options in the seat-back screens, my children will forever be spoiled for airline travel. The food wasn’t bad either. Luke didn’t care for it but the rest of us were pretty pleased. About 7 hours from our destination I made…
  • Returning to Ethiopia

    juliegumm@yahoo.com
    16 Mar 2015 | 9:00 pm
    Ah, the neglected blog…..sorry. Life is crazy, and chaotic and by the time I manage working full time, cooking, running to athletic events and just managing life, there has not been much time for blogging. But there is cause for celebration! Five days from now we will be winging our way to Ethiopia – the WHOLE family! We’ve been dreaming of doing this for years. We told Beza & Luke we would someday take them back. And the day is near at hand. They will get a chance to visit extended family, including their grandmother. Noah and Natalie will have a chance to see where…
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    Lost Daughters

  • Mourning Crying Bird

    Elle
    24 Aug 2015 | 9:00 pm
    wikimedia.orgThe bird does not striveLocked up in a cageIt want to try it wingsTo see the worldFeel the windBeneath it's wingsDiscover the worldSee what's out thereNot just read itFrom a bookOn a missionTo see where My soul isPerhaps the birdWill start to singAgain once it's soulIs found againThe tears and sad songHopefully will endOne dayYou can try toClip my wingsYet my dreamsWill never changeYou can try toCage my soulBut you will never succeedTry meAnd you mightLose meForever and eternityNot just in a dream
  • She Named You Donna (A Memoir) by Julie Kerton

    Lynn Grubb
    19 Aug 2015 | 3:00 am
    Julie Kerton's memoir, She Named You Donna, piqued my interest before I even read the first page, when I realized that Julie is one of those rare people who represent all three sides of adoption.  Not only is Julie an adoptee, she is also a birth mother and an adoptive parent.  I imagine that it must be difficult at times, shifting from one viewpoint to another; however, I was excited to get a glimpse into these differing perspectives wrapped up in one person.Julie's story begins in 1973 when she is 15 years old and attending on all-girls Catholic high school 30 miles north of New…
  • Is Knowing Our Parentage Our Right?

    Cathy Heslin
    16 Aug 2015 | 11:54 am
    There's nothing like a harmless joke to set your day off in the wrong direction. Scrolling through Facebook, a friend of a friend was joking about kids not knowing who their father is. I assume the joke was in reference to the friend being a mom of donor-conceived children.I didn't click to see what the joke was. Just the reference to not knowing your parentage being a joke was enough to sink my stomach.I think it's curious that it's considered funny when children don't have information about their fathers. How is being cut off from half of your identity and lineage a joking matter? Does…
  • Rooted to Resiliency: How to Overcome the Blues...

    Jennifer Bao Yu "Precious Jade" Jue-Steuck
    14 Aug 2015 | 6:02 am
    (Cross-posted in One World: Chinese Adoptee Links Blog)Can I tell you a secret?Sometimes I despair....why is it so hard to feel safe enough to be authentic? Growing up I wasn't allowed to feel sad. I was told I should not cry...that crying would just make my (adoptive) family feel bad...so "stop crying, and stop being so selfish." Most of all, I wasn't supposed to talk about my birthfamily. I was especially never supposed to mention that infamous 'L' word: loss.But what if I loved my (adoptive) family, whilst also missing my birthfamily, too? When everyone else in our society…
  • Adoption is Not The Only Option

    Julie Stromberg
    8 Aug 2015 | 5:51 pm
    The recent spate of highly-edited videos crafted to present Planned Parenthood as an uncaring and ethically questionable organization got me thinking. As a woman, mother, and adoptee, the arguments for and against removing federal financial support of Planned Parenthood made me consider what happened to my natural mother 45 years ago and how her experience relates to what is happening today. Please note that my thoughts are focused solely on domestic United States newborn adoption in which the parents have not abused or neglected their unborn child.What stuck out for me with all the Planned…
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    Transracialeyes

  • Desire and longing: The Consumerist Construction of Childhood

    Mark Diebel
    24 Aug 2015 | 12:45 pm
    I want to ask your thinking about the claim that childhood in North America (at least) has been making children into consumers for decades and that essential to that project has been the “constant stimulation of desire and longing.” Do you see practices underlying adoption and donor conception that reflect that kind of stimulation of […]
  • Identifying Wrong

    girl4708
    12 Jun 2015 | 11:54 pm
    All the buzz in social media right now is about an NAACP official who turns out to not be black as claimed.  She was born to a white couple and raised with black adoptees.  There have been other articles wondering whether or not being transracial is analogous to being transgendered.  And other articles about syndromes of delusion. Rachel […]
  • knowing you’re forgetting: the orphan’s heartache

    girl4708
    27 Mar 2015 | 9:04 pm
    Most intercountry adoptees reading on the internet are gen x’ers or millennials.  Very few are baby boomers, because we were the first to have been subjected to this social experiment en masse, and we are aging. And, if the rest of older adoptees are like me, we are exceptionally (acquaintances might even say irrationally) afraid of […]
  • What is the obverse of “ghost” and “haunting”?

    Daniel Ibn Zayd
    7 Mar 2015 | 8:40 am
    We’ve spoken about ghosts here and there. Lately, with reunion looming, I feel like I am haunting my own life, finding might-have-been footsteps; meeting could-have-been friends and, inch’allah, even family. But the metaphor is bothering me. A ghost is the immaterial which haunts the physical plane of the past, of what was. What is it […]
  • What does it mean to be adopted to a post racial world?

    girl4708
    6 Dec 2014 | 12:22 pm
    Like many people here in America, currently in racial turmoil over grand jury decisions not to indict police officers who have killed unarmed black men, I shared this image on facebook.  A few days later, articles appeared berating the photo’s manipulation and message.  Clearly, other people think harder than I do before sharing. The first […]
 
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    AMERICAN INDIAN ADOPTEES

  • My Top Three: Difficulty for the Adoptee Search

    26 Aug 2015 | 12:33 am
    By Trace Hentz  (Wisconsin adoptee since 1958)I want the readers to know how difficult it can be to search for a birthparent. If you are an adoptee, you already know!One: You don't really get much help with the non-identifying information! Most states offer it free. Unless you're a psychic, you'll have no help to find BOTH SIDES of your family. Most of us were given up for adoption because our mother wasn't married. His name won't be in the paperwork, not usually.Two: At age 18 an adoptee may request a search for birth parent(s) identity and location and a copy of his or her impounded…
  • Leland Morrill on ICWA lawsuits

    25 Aug 2015 | 7:36 am
    From Turtle Talk: Doe v. Pruitt, Another (Fourth) Federal ICWA Case Filed (N.D. Okla)August 24, 2015My biological father and I meeting for the first time...Turtle Talk Link:https://turtletalk.wordpress.com/2015/08/24/doe-v-pruitt-another-fourth-federal-icwa-case-filed-in-northern-district-of-oklahoma/NOTE: "Here is the complaint", click on the COMPLAINT to download the PDF file for the 20-page complaint to read in full.Doe v. Pruitt, Another (Fourth) Federal ICWA Case Filed (N.D. Okla)"Doe Pruitt Complaint" Cae 4:15-cv-00471-JED-FHM Document 2 Filed in USDC ND/OK on 8/19/15This…
  • Lost Daughters: Is Knowing Our Parentage Our Right?

    19 Aug 2015 | 2:55 am
    My grandparents grave...I took this photo at my father's funeralPlease read this post at Lost Daughters. Lost Daughters: Is Knowing Our Parentage Our Right? "Knowledge is power. Information is power. The secreting or hoarding of knowledge or information may be an act of tyranny camouflaged as humility." -Robin MorganBy Trace HentzFor adoptees, I think it is OUR right to know both sides of our ancestry and family and clan system.  If I could redo adoption, when a child is adopted, the adoptee keeps their name and knows every detail, including their medical history and ancestry. When you…
  • And so it goes #Orphan Asylums #NativeLivesMatter

    18 Aug 2015 | 2:55 am
    It is staggering and upsetting to find out how many big brick institutions were built by churches and where these asylums operated… This out-of-print book by Reg Niles is selling for $999 on Amazon and has little known information about the various religion’s baby-broker-selling history. By Trace Hentz (author of One Small Sacrifice)I know it’s a sign when a couple of my friends mention “Orphan Asylums” to me in a single day. How children were called “inmates.”I have no recollection of my time as an inmate in a Minnesota orphanage – this happened after I was born in St.
  • ATTENTION CONNECTICUT ADOPTEES!

    17 Aug 2015 | 7:02 am
    On July 1, 2015 a new law became effective in Connecticut that gives certain adult adoptees the right to obtain a copy of their original birth certificate. Your are eligible to receive your original birth certificate under the new law if: You were born and adopted in Connecticut.You will be 18 or older on or after July 1, 2015.Your adoption was finalized on or after October 1, 1983.Pursuant to the new law, you are also entitled to receive a Contact Preference Form and Medical History Form, if they have been filed by your biological parents with the Department of Children and Families. You…
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    All In The Family of Adoption

  • Jake Strickland and the 21st Century Baby Scoop Era

    Robin
    18 Aug 2015 | 3:25 pm
      “The world will not be destroyed by those who do evil, but by those who watch them without doing anything.” –Albert Einstein   In case you haven’t heard. Jake Strickland lost his battle to keep his son. Taking children from fathers (and mothers) who have not freely given their children up for adoption is […]
  • “Hole In My Heart” – An Adoptive Parent’s Perspective

    Robin
    2 Aug 2015 | 1:17 pm
    Today, we have a guest post from an adoptive mother, Jay Iyer. Many of you are probably already familiar with Jay from the many insightful and supportive comments she leaves at one of our favorite blogs, First Mother Forum. Jay has kindly agreed to let us post her thoughts on Lorraine Dusky’s new memoir, Hole […]
  • Whose Child is James Elliott Rossler, Anyway?

    Robin
    28 Jul 2015 | 1:45 pm
    Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse…they did. In an earlier post called Whose Child is She, Anyway?, I outlined what I consider to be the evolution of adoption practices throughout the 20th century and into the 21st, and where I believe those practices and beliefs have led us. But, apparently, my understanding […]
  • She Changed My Life

    Robin
    5 Jul 2015 | 5:31 am
    Lorraine Dusky, that is. It was the early 1990s. As a result of some changes in my personal life, I became interested in learning more about adoption and about my hidden past. So I decided to go to the library and do some research, when I came across an amazing book called Birthmark written by a […]
  • Whose Child is Veronica Brown, Anyway?

    Robin
    13 Jun 2015 | 2:11 pm
    One of the reasons Veronica and Dusten Brown’s story has affected me so profoundly is because it epitomizes the change in mindset that adoption has undergone in the last 60 plus years. It strikes at the core set of beliefs about adoption that have been evolving since at least World War II. Before WWII, children born […]
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    America Adopts

  • 10 New Adoption-Themed Books To Add To Your Reading List

    Lawrence
    26 Aug 2015 | 7:55 am
    This guest post is by Rachel Garlinghouse, an adoptive mother and author. As an avid reader, especially of books featuring adoption themes, I’m an advocate of considering the intricate and interesting points of view of different adoption triad members: the birth parents, the adoptee, and the parents-by-adoption. Here are 10 new adoption-themed books to consider curling up with this fall: Born With Teeth: A Memoir by Kate Mulgrew Actress Kate Mulgrew (Star Trek: Voyager and Orange Is the New Black) got pregnant at age twenty-two and placed her daughter for adoption. This…
  • A Guide to Surviving a Failed Adoption Placement

    Lawrence
    25 Aug 2015 | 6:11 am
    This guest post is by Sarah Pirtle, an adoptive mother.  Our adoption placement failed on a Tuesday, 50 hours into the 72-hour post-birth wait required in our state for a placement to occur. On Wednesday I woke up, pulled the covers back, and put my feet on the floor. As I stood, I had the distinct sensation that I was walking out of a fog into a clearing. I picked my son up from his crib, threw on my shoes, grabbed the stroller, bolted out the door, and walked the neighborhood in the August humidity until my legs nearly buckled, speaking this story into my phone as a voice memo until it…
  • Adopting A Baby The Second Time Is Harder. Here’s Why I’m OK With That.

    Lawrence
    24 Aug 2015 | 8:07 am
    This guest post is by Kimberly, an adoptive mother. After many months of questioning, thinking, analyzing and wondering, my husband and I recently took the plunge and launched our networking campaign for our second adoption. Many people wonder if adopting a baby is any easier the second time around. We adoptive parents know it’s not. The adoption process doesn’t care if you’ve already adopted, had a criminal background check, or had your home studied. You need to start all over again. Once we were certified to adopt, we put together a website, set up a dedicated Facebook and Twitter…
  • Gay Couples Looking to Adopt A Baby Still Face Challenges Despite Marriage Ruling

    Lawrence
    21 Aug 2015 | 11:28 am
    When the Supreme Court legalized same-sex marriage in June, hopeful gay adoptive parents such as Clay Jones and Joe Babin breathed a sigh of relief. The landmark ruling instantly eliminated some legal hurdles. But it didn’t do away with the challenges that all couples looking to adopt a baby face such as getting themselves adoption-ready and being chosen by an expectant mother. And it didn’t help them sidestep any of the additional obstacles and prejudices that are specific to same-sex adopting couples. Despite studies that show children’s well-being is affected more by…
  • Finding A Family To Adopt My Baby Girl Was Never About ‘Giving Her Away’

    Lawrence
    19 Aug 2015 | 6:22 am
    This guest post is by Cannille Turner, a birthmother.  I first found out I was pregnant on July 17, 2014. As I was sitting in a little room waiting for the results, a doctor came in to ask a few questions about whether I had a plan and if the dad was in the picture. I got annoyed with her questions and just silently hoped the test would come back negative, because I wasn’t ready for a baby. But she just kept rambling about pregnancy and babies. When she noticed I was annoyed with what she had to say, she stopped talking for a bit. Then she read the test and said “well, Miss…
 
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    Canada Adopts

  • Adopting A Baby Isn’t A Competition. Or Is It?

    Lawrence
    27 Aug 2015 | 12:52 pm
    Adopting a baby isn’t a competition. But sometimes, it feels that way.   I was thinking about this the other day after I came across this advice column, Couple Reminded That Adoption Isn’t A Competition. Usually I don’t pay a lot of attention to these types of columns, but this one really struck a nerve with me and I think you might find it interesting too. In it, an anxious and obviously frustrated hopeful adoptive mother says she’s fed up with “bidding” against another couple for a child. Why, she asks, would the child’s mother even consider the other…
  • 10 Things To Expect After Adopting A Newborn

    Lawrence
    20 Aug 2015 | 9:15 am
    Having a newborn join your family is exciting. But if you’re an adoptive parent, it can feel extra exciting. Finally, all those hoops you jumped through and years of waiting have finally paid off.  Just think, no more worrying about updating your home study. No more fretting over your Google ads account. No more jumping out of your seat every time the phone rings, or wondering why your social worker hasn’t called you back — again. Congrats! And welcome to the club! But just like any club, memberships has its rules as well as its privileges. So before you shout your wonderful…
  • 10 Things They Don’t Tell You About Private Domestic Adoption

    Lawrence
    13 Aug 2015 | 6:56 am
    This guest post is by Barb Rebelo, a waiting adoptive mother.  Fingerprinting.  Medical reports.  Adoption training.  Endless paperwork. These are just a few of the many steps hopeful adoptive parents need to go through in order to be ready to adopt through private domestic adoption. And that’s the easy part! What isn’t so easy is all the other stuff people don’t tell you about. My husband and I are “officially waiting,” and sometimes I feel like it’s a wonder we ever got to this stage—not because we don’t meet the criteria or weren’t willing to do the work, but…
  • To The People Who Call Me A Baby Thief Because I’m Infertile And Want To Adopt

    Lawrence
    6 Aug 2015 | 10:20 am
    This guest post is by Jane, a hopeful adoptive mother* Last week you asked people what’s the one thing they wish others wouldn’t say about adoption. Here are a few things that I would like to share with you as a hopeful adoptive mother who has experienced infertility: I do not want people to tell me that my husband and I will never be the “right” parents for our child(ren) because we do not share DNA with them. I do not want to hear that we are bad people because we are unable to build our family through natural means and have decided to build our future family through…
  • 41+ Things You Wish People Wouldn’t Say About Adoption

    Lawrence
    30 Jul 2015 | 7:37 am
    It’s estimated that one in five people are touched by adoption. If you don’t have a personal connection to it, chances are you know someone who does. And yet despite the increased awareness about adoption and the countless families that have been created through it, many people are still in the dark about what adoption means and how it works. As a result, you may have found yourself on the receiving end of a question or comment that rubbed you the wrong way. This week we asked our Facebook community to share the one thing they wished people wouldn’t say about adoption.
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    Great Wall, Pandas, and Mcdonald's

  • Hanging out in one of my Favorite Places

    Sean Fahey
    29 Aug 2015 | 8:10 am
    At the AMC theater again.  I had a free ticket that I did not want to waste.  Today's movie is American Ultra.  I liked Zombieland and this looks similar.  The storm keeps getting downgraded.  It will soon be listed as a bunch of clouds.  Movie review to follow.
  • Still Waiting on the Storm

    Sean Fahey
    29 Aug 2015 | 4:23 am
    The storm keeps shifting.  It looks like it will hit us as a tropical storm.  They said we may get hit by the right side of the storm.  That is the wetter side of the storm.  We will keep seeing rain.  I will have to get gas today, before the gouging starts.  Even it does not hit us gas stations will come up with a reason to raise their prices.  I'm not too worried about food.  They'll still have plenty.  We do have a case of water.
  • Recreation of the trip from Harbin to Guangzhou

    Sean Fahey
    28 Aug 2015 | 4:00 pm
    On our trip from Harbin to Guangzhou, Elana screamed for three hours.  Today, I just had that scene recreated for me.  Kiersten and I went to pick up dinner.  My car's air is not working and it is raining.  On coming back, Elana started screaming.  I was trying to keep it cool, but it was really coming down.  At one point, I was worried she was going to have a stroke.  As soon as we got home, she stopped.
  • Waiting on the Storm

    Sean Fahey
    28 Aug 2015 | 9:51 am
    First, we thought that Danny could hit Florida.  It was blown apart.  Now we are looking towards Erika.  Everyday, the path keeps shifting.  It started on the Atlantic side of the state.  Now it has shifted to the Gulf side of the state, with a path crossing the state.  Maybe, we will get lucky and it will head north and skip our area.  We have been lucky for about ten years.  We hope for a calm weekend.
  • A Day of Sickness

    Sean Fahey
    28 Aug 2015 | 9:23 am
    I woke up with a sore throat this morning.  It is still a little scratchy.  When I went into my room, we found that Mia is also sick.  I don't know if Elana has gotten any worse than the other day.  Last night, she did not seem to be having any problems.  She did keep wiping her nose on my arm and leg.  I think it was due to some dry blood.  That came from her picking her nose.  She has a bad habit of doing that.  We make sure to cut her nails down.  After this, I grab a wipe to wipe her nose.  She refuses to let me do it.  I am…
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    Hope Connections - Blog

  • 3 Tips to Get Through a Rough Day

    24 Aug 2015 | 7:21 am
    As I look back, there were definitely those days when, well let's be honest, when I wasn't sure if we would all live to see the end of the day - if you know what I mean! There were days I felt like I was being stalked, days I was pretty sure I knew what it meant to lose your marbles and days where I just prayed for bedtime to hurry up...I even contemplated changing all the clocks in the house! We all have them. Sometimes they fizzle out early, but sometimes every hour is a new ride through Horrorville! The goal of helping our child heal seems impossible on these days...as a matter…
  • How LONG is This Going to Take? 

    21 Aug 2015 | 6:54 am
    This is a LONG journey.A LIFETIME journey.Our children have suffered loss.Their abandonment is a part of their core!The hurt and fear doesn't just disappear.With consistent, loving, "no matter what" care, it doesn't have to define them.It will always be a part of who they are.It can be triggered many, many years into the journey. It is a source of self-doubt and colors relationships.How long is it going to take?FOREVER! You are the parent of your adopted or foster child! 1. Parent your child honoring the history that is part of his core, but…
  • How to Help Your Child Internalize Positive Self-Esteem

    17 Aug 2015 | 2:09 pm
    There's nothing like giving of yourself to help you understand your own worth!So many of our adopted and foster children struggle with knowing their worth in the world. In an effort to help my kids internalize a positive self-esteem, I focused on teaching them that they are, not only worthy of good things, but able to make a positive impact on the world. That their existence mattered. That their goodness could change the lives of others in a very powerful way, for the better! One of the most powerful tools I used was…
  • Having a Rough Day? 3 Quick Steps to Help You Start Over

    13 Aug 2015 | 2:14 pm
    There is just no better tool than allowing everyone a chance to start over!  I often say that it is important to start new every day. I also say that it is even more important to start over every hour or every minute if things are rough! I know, I have been there and so have thousands of other families. Your kids are trying to learn how to fit into your family, how to read your non-verbal cues, how to express emotion appropriately, how to trust, all in the midst of grief and loss, emotional immaturity and the many impacts of trauma that create hundreds of hurdles. They are bound to…
  • How to See Your WHOLE Child

    10 Aug 2015 | 2:15 pm
    I watched a child the other day being reprimanded for his behavior...at one point the man who was with him said, "You have got to learn to be a MAN!" To which the young man replied, "I don't know how, no one has ever taught me."  Needless to say, the man was moved by this reply and couldn't speak for a moment. Then he quietly said, "You are right" as he pulled the young man into him and lovingly hugged him. This whole scenario took about 30 seconds and I don't know who the adult man was in this boy's life, but I really liked his reaction! (I have a suspicion he was an…
 
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