Adoption

• Most Topular Stories

• Utah's anti-father policies an offshoot of Mormon agenda

  [Birth Mother,] First Mother Forum

  Jane Edwards

  15 May 2012 | 8:32 pm

  Jane Wes Hutchins, a Utah adoption attorney wants to change Utah’s laws which allow a mother “to travel from any state to Utah and be in Utah for two or three days and then give birth to a child with the sole purpose of cutting off the right of the biological father.” David Hardy, a Utah adoption attorney affiliated with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS), asserts the laws are fine the way they are. “The Utah laws may be harsh but they are looking at what’s best for the child: stable families and two parent families, ” he told The Washington Post. Hardy’s…

• Saddleback Church Orphan Summit: Five Reasons Why Rick Warren and Kay Warren Got it Wrong on Adoption and Orphan Care

  Fleas Biting

  David Smolin

  7 May 2012 | 10:23 pm

  Rick Warren and Kay Warren both spoke on the second day of the Eighth Christian Alliance for Orphans Summit (May 4, 2012), held at Saddleback Church.                   They got so much wrong---left out so much that is critically important---that a response is necessary.                  I intend this response to be respectful---from one Christian to another.  The response is public because their stance, statements,…

• Hero Movie Brings Out Bullies

  About.com Adoption / Foster Care

  15 May 2012 | 8:15 pm

  When I became the Guide here on About Adoption and Foster Care, I came at the topic very one sided and with only one point of view - that of an adoptive parent. Thankfully that didn't last as I was schooled by members of the forum, where I quickly learned that the adoption community consisted of adoptees, birth parents, as well as the adoptive parents. They each had a story to tell, and each adoption story was different. I am very thankful for that education, because now I can more clearly see both sides of an adoption or foster care issue....Read Full Post

• Time to let go

  Birthmother

  Jayne

  10 May 2012 | 8:39 pm

  She did respond. And she used a trigger word for me. Someday. Well, it's been almost 21 years and someday hasn't happened. It's not going to happen. I finally realize that. Why am I so damn gullible? And for the first time I "get" the birthmoms who have visits and come home with mixed feelings. I have always read those posts with unabashed envy. I would LOVE to have seen my son, known what his eye color turned out to be, heard his toddler laugh, smelled his hair. I wish I had one of his crayon drawings. After exchanging emails with M, I had those same confused, hurt feelings I get every…

• Important distinction redux

  Third Mom

  Margie

  14 May 2012 | 10:24 am

  I vented my frustrations with the "Christian adoption movement" here. I clarified that my beef is with the movement, not the faith, here. A few comments I've received offline are struggling with what is perceived to be my backing away from deserved criticism - a softening of the blow, so to speak.This is not the case.I've noticed recently on some adoption reform lists and groups to which I belong that criticism of this phenomenon is stretching beyond the movement itself to criticism of Christians in general, particularly conservative Evangelical Christians and Catholics. This…

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  Musings of the Lame; life as a birthmother in adoption

• Oh No, Please Don't Go! We Lose Maurice Sendak

  8 May 2012 | 4:55 pm

  Tweet var linkwithin_site_id = 477703; Google+ I will admit, I never imagined this day. "Where the Wild Things Are" Author Maurice Sendak Dies When I got to the office this morning, I glanced at my Facebook feed again as I do. Usually nothing has changed in the world during my 7 minute walk to the office and the 5 minutes it takes me to grab a cup of coffee. Today, I was not to be so lucky. The minute I saw the cover to "Where the Wild Things Are" I let out the groan. I... Come on by to Musings of the Lame to read the rest of this post. Come on, you know you want to!

• Yahoos Think: Adoption Saves Tax Money

  2 May 2012 | 9:09 am

  Tweet var linkwithin_site_id = 477703; Google+ I forgot just how much fun the general public was when it came to life as a birthmother and adoption! By "fun", of course, I mean public bashing, scrutiny, and complete ignorance. I am reminded, however, by this, that we HAVE come a long way at least in many of our own circles as this same kind of behavior used to happen here on the blog, on Adoption.com and the older forums. I thought it would be a good idea to address some of the more... Come on by to Musings of the Lame to read the rest of this post. Come on, you know you want to!

• Never Imagined This

  30 Apr 2012 | 1:54 pm

  Tweet  Google+ A Brief Second Before I Was a BirthMother I remember this picture being taken like it was yesterday. It doesn't matter that it was almost 25 years ago. I know exactly where I was November 16th, 1987. I was my final moments, holding my newborn son and saying good bye.  I can tell you where I bought that ugly shirt. I can tell you all about my armful of bracelets. And by just lookign at this image,  the flood of emotions can... Come on by to Musings of the Lame to read the rest of this post. Come on, you know you want to!

• Video Trailers for "Adopted or Abducted?"

  26 Apr 2012 | 6:45 pm

  Tweet Google+ Dan Rather Reports: Preview Trailers Dan Rather Reports, "Adopted or Abducted?" will devote the entire hour on Tuesday, May 1st to the heartbreaking accounts of women -- most of whom were teens at the time -- who were forced to hand their babies over for adoption. In a sweeping and exhaustive six month investigation that spanned from Australia to the United States, producers from Dan Rather Reports conducted nearly one hundred interviews with victims of forced... Come on by to Musings of the Lame to read the rest of this post. Come on, you know you want to!

• Post Baby Scoop Era Birthmother Poster Child?

  16 Apr 2012 | 9:47 pm

  Tweet var linkwithin_site_id = 477703; Google+ Have you noticed my new profile image? Rye treated me to a photo session with the AMAZING Tamme Stitt. I say amazing with good reason. The pics came out great. I will admit it; I look great, but it's not ME; Tamme does something magical with the camera. Anyway, this was the one pose that I had been thinking about for over a good year now. I wanted a Rosie the Riveter, but for Adoptee Rights. No, ARC tattoo is not real, but I... Come on by to Musings of the Lame to read the rest of this post. Come on, you know you want to!

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  Fleas Biting

• Saddleback Church Orphan Summit: Five Reasons Why Rick Warren and Kay Warren Got it Wrong on Adoption and Orphan Care

  David Smolin

  7 May 2012 | 10:23 pm

  Rick Warren and Kay Warren both spoke on the second day of the Eighth Christian Alliance for Orphans Summit (May 4, 2012), held at Saddleback Church.                   They got so much wrong---left out so much that is critically important---that a response is necessary.                  I intend this response to be respectful---from one Christian to another.  The response is public because their stance, statements,…

• Saddleback Orphan Summit: Heritage, Race, Identity, and the Costs of Adoption Naivety in a Young Movement

  David Smolin

  3 May 2012 | 7:52 pm

  While the Saddleback Orphan Summit formally represents the 8th Summit of the Christian Alliance for Orphans, the evangelical adoption and orphan movement care movement has really only come into prominence in the last four years or so.    One of the problematic aspects of this young movement is the way it rushes forward in relative ignorance of many of the hard-won truths about adoption.  Among these hard-won truths is the significance to adoptees of their origins:  everything from their original family, to the nation, culture, race, and group from which they…

• Saddleback Orphan Summit: Can't the Church Do Better Than This?

  David Smolin

  1 May 2012 | 9:57 am

  What could be better than this?  Stephen Curtis Chapman.   Francis Chan.   Rick and Kay Warren.   Another all-star cast of evangelicals supporting adoption and orphan care at this year’s Christian Alliance for Orphans Summit VIII. (Saddleback Orphan Summit)Indeed, what could be better than this?As a Christian critic of the adoption and orphan care movement, I’d say that getting it right about the Bible and adoption would be better.   Warning Christians about the prevalence of abusive adoption practices would be better.   There…

• The Aftermath of Abusive Adoption Practices in the Lives of Adoption Triad Members: Responding to Adoption Triad Members Victimized by Abusive Adoption Practices

  Desiree

  20 Apr 2012 | 2:07 pm

  The above-titled presentation was given as a plenary presentation at the Annual Symposium of the Joint Council on InternationalChildren’s Services (JCICS) on April 18, 2012.   Below is a link to watch a slightly modified version of the Power Point slides we used at the presentation.  We corrected some typos and made some editorial adjustments, but  this is 99% the same as what was used at the event.    Unfortunately the event itself was not taped, so there is no audio.It is important to note that the original context for this presentation is Intercountry…

• Elizabeth Bartholet & David Smolin Debate International Adoption

  Desiree

  20 Feb 2012 | 9:37 pm

  Fleasbiting is excited to announce a written debate between Harvard Law Professor Elizabeth Bartholet and Samford University Law Professor (and our own Fleasbiting blogger) David Smolin.  The debate will comprise a chapter in the upcoming book, "Intercountry Adoption: Policies, Practices, and Outcomes" edited by Judith L. Gibbons (Saint Louis University) and Karen Smith Rotabi (Virginia Commonwealth University) to be published by Ashgate Publishing in June 2012.  The book can be pre-ordered online for a discount at Ashgate Publishing.  Frankly though, at a discounted cost…

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  Wet Feet

• What?

  Kateri T.

  11 May 2012 | 12:27 am

  What brought me back to this place was the Time Magazine cover, feeding the lactivist fervor that never quite goes away. Once I was back, I started reading my old posts about breastfeeding and feeling the gulf between who I was and who I am. My girls are both school-age now, and nursing them is a vague (but intense) memory.  Naomi, whose weaning I obsessed over, stayed up until nearly 11 tonight finishing her last (I think) project of third grade. Miriam, who nursed perfunctorily and weaned herself at the continent age of 16 months, recently wrote a hysterical story (with pictures, of…

• Eulogy

  Kateri T.

  26 Apr 2011 | 10:43 pm

  My grandfather died a week ago.  I was asked to give the eulogy, and of course I accepted, knowing that doing so would test the limits of my abilities. I took a deep breath and welcomed the challenge. It was uncharacteristic of me to be so prepared, to wake up the day of his funeral with the speech finished, practiced, and parsed out on 23 index cards. There was no winging it, there was no risking failure. This is too important. Here's what I said: Thank you, everyone, for sharing this day with us. We're celebrating the life of a person who had a talent for bringing joy wherever he…

• I've fallen into a hole

  Kateri T.

  16 Mar 2011 | 10:43 pm

  I have a family member with cancer. Being jobless and available, it makes sense that I'd be the one to provide daytime support and care.  My grandfather, the beloved patriarch of our close Irish Catholic family, has been diagnosed with a brain tumor. He had surgery last week, and came home from the hospital Monday.  I am struck with how closely it resembles infant care. He wakes up, needs to pee, needs to eat, needs to be kept up and somewhat active for some time, and then is settled back into bed, and then I do the other things that need to be done: dishes, laundry, dusting, mopping.

• Back to the Start

  Kateri T.

  4 Jan 2011 | 12:15 am

  I started this blog to write about my experience of open adoption. It could still have been defined as open at the time although it had already disappointed my own expectations of what "openness" meant. And after that devastating letter six years ago, and the aftermath that followed, it would be better described as a closed adoption.  Gradually those feelings and that pain shrank into the corners of my mind. The drama of Miriam's birth, the subsequent disintegration of my marriage, and my own post-divorce rumspringa  took up all of my emotional resources. And now, I hardly…

• Lost and Found

  Kateri T.

  1 Jan 2011 | 11:38 pm

  I have a resolution this New Years. And no, it's not to lose weight. It's not to be a better whatever. My resolution this year is to write more. To find my lost voice. My voice, it's been lost. I don't *know* anymore. there's no *point*. And this, I know, is the perfect time to write.  In the wake of finding the person who I want to spend my whole life loving, I have to cut away all the bullshit I've been building around me. it's the same bullshit that has kept me from writing here. the untellable detritus. He has stripped all that away and now I'm as…

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  Production, Not Reproduction

• What I Want to Say to You on Mother's Day

  Heather Schade

  8 May 2012 | 11:05 pm

  This post is becoming something of an annual tradition here at the blog; I cannot think of anything I want to say more as May comes around this each year. May has not been an easy month for me for many years now. I mostly feel the same about Mother's Day as I do about Valentine's Day. I enjoy the private celebrations letting the people I love know how valued they are. I dislike the shallow, frequently sexist, commercialized public commotion that typically only serves to make those on the "outside" feel bad. My time on the outside looking in on those holidays was recent enough that I well…

• Another Day

  Heather Schade

  7 May 2012 | 6:31 pm

  Um. Hello, there. Anyone home? I am sorry to disappear on you like I have, sorry for the unanswered emails and glaring lack of response around the interwebs. I think about writing every day, with a mixture of guilt and longing. Every day I can't quite bring myself to do it. I miss you all. The truth is this: I am struggling with some depression right now in the weeks following baby Trey's* arrival. I don't know why that is so hard to admit, but there it is. Thank you for your patience. I am doing the best I can, every day.

• Review: The Book of Jonas

  Heather Schade

  20 Apr 2012 | 1:59 am

  Time for another BlogHer Book Club review! We read The Book of Jonas, the debut novel of Stephen Dau. The Book of Jonas gives us glimpses into three very different, but connected, lives. Jonas (originally Younis), is a Muslim teen refugee from a Middle Eastern country left unnamed in the book. After his family and village are destroyed by a misguided United States military operation, he runs away from the trauma both physically and emotionally as he tries to adjust to life in the U.S. Christopher is an American solider who was part of the raid that killed Jonas's family, and who Jonas says…

• Mother Letters

  Heather Schade

  17 Apr 2012 | 12:04 pm

  A long time ago--in 2007, before Mari, even!--I wrote a letter to a woman I've never met. A husband was collecting letters about motherhood as a Christmas present for his wife, who was about to deliver their fourth child. So I wrote something sweet and encouraging one night and sent it off to him. It was just one of those nice things you do for people on the internet. (ETA: It turns out they received over 600 letters. I had no idea it was so many!) It turns out that the two of them went on to put some of the best letters and artwork into an e-book that was released today. The e-book is called…

• OAB Happenings This Week

  Heather Schade

  13 Apr 2012 | 3:51 pm

  One of the nice things about the new Open Adoption Bloggers blog is the chance to highlight guest bloggers. The first fabulous guest post was by adoptive mom Rachel from White Sugar Brown Sugar, who offered seven tips for respecting online privacy in open adoption. Not everyone agreed with the tips, though--you might want to check out the post and comments and add your own thoughts. The 36th Open Adoption Roundtable was also posted this week. The prompt was about open adoption agreements and the effects they (or their absence) have had on bloggers' relationships. Some interesting, and…

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  Parents for Ethical Adoption Reform (PEAR)

• DOS Adoption Notice - Guatemala Update

  PEAR

  14 May 2012 | 4:35 pm

  May 14, 2012 Notice: Guatemala UpdateThis Adoption Notice is a follow up to the Notice of December 12, 2011.  Universal List In March 2012, after months of meetings to gather information, U.S. officials presented a list of known pending cases to Guatemalan officials.  This list is a compellation of USCIS records of all properly grandfathered Form I-600A applications and pending Form I-600s filed by U.S. citizens on behalf of Guatemalan children, and lists provided by each of the adoption processing entities in Guatemala.  This “Universal List” reflects all known Guatemalan…

• DOS Adoption Notice: Adoptions from Kazakhstan to Begin With Approval of U.S. ASPs

  PEAR

  11 May 2012 | 12:53 pm

  Kazakhstan May 10, 2012 Adoption Notice: Adoptions from Kazakhstan to Begin With Approval of U.S. ASPs  The Ministry of Education and Science, the Central Authority of Kazakhstan, has confirmed approval of two U.S. accredited adoption service providers (ASPs) to process Hague Convention adoptions from Kazakhstan to the United States. The ASPs are:  Little Miracles and Across the World Adoptions.  Approval of ASPs was the final step needed for Kazakhstan to complete its implementation of the Hague Adoption Convention.  Each of the U.S. ASPs approved by the…

• DOS Adoption Notice Ethiopia: Summary of Adoption Service Provider Meeting with the U.S. Embassy

  PEAR

  11 May 2012 | 12:48 pm

  Ethiopia May 10, 2012Notice: Summary of Adoption Service Provider Meeting with the U.S. EmbassyIn response to several requests for written summaries of the adoption service provider meetings held by the U.S. Embassy in Addis Ababa, the Office of Children's Issues posts this notice to provide interested parties with information discussed at the most recent meeting on April 18, 2012. These meetings take place several times a year and are announced to in-country representatives in advance. This notice recaps the issues discussed; however, the Office of Children's Issues has inserted, in…

• Opportunity for comment and participation: COA List of ASPs Seeking Hague Accreditation, Hague Approval, or Renewal of Hague Accreditation or Approval

  PEAR

  10 May 2012 | 1:52 pm

  As of May 1, 2012, the following individuals and organizations are seeking Hague Accreditation, Hague Approval, or Renewal of Hague Accreditation or Approval from the Council on Accreditation. To provide feedback, comment or information regarding any of these adoption service providers, please visit COA's website at: http://www.coanet.org/front3/page.cfm?sect=54&cont=4251, then click on the ASP's name to provide your comments. Please let your voice be heard!The list below provides the Applicant Name, Mailing Address, and date of Active Consideration ABC Adoption Services, Inc.c/o Carolina…

• DOS Adoption Alert - Haiti: Temporary Suspension of New Adoption Cases

  PEAR

  4 May 2012 | 11:08 am

  HaitiMay 4, 2012 Alert: Temporary Suspension of New Adoption CasesHaiti's adoption authority, l'Institut du Bien Être Social et de Recherches (IBESR), informed U.S. Embassy Port-au-Prince that it will suspend processing of new adoption cases effective May 7, 2012. IBESR indicated that the suspension will enable it to expedite processing on its backlog of pending cases and begin internal restructuring to bring it closer to international standards. The U.S. Embassy has been assured the suspension is temporary and that IBESR will continue to process all cases that are filed before May 7.

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  The Daily Bastardette

• Some Thoughts on the "Angry Adoptee:" Gazillion Adoptees v JCIC$

  Marley Greiner

  2 May 2012 | 7:30 pm

  I've been away for more than a month.  I've lost all track of time.  No matter. April was the worse month of my entire life. Just when you think things get any more abysmal, the crevice opens deeper.  Maybe I'll write about it; maybe not.  I can make it adoption related to make it palpable. I'm trying to get back to "normal" whatever that is.Last we heard from our friend Kevin Ost-Vollmers,in the Land of a Gazillion Adoptees, he was engaged in a dialogue with the Congressional Coalition.  That was " bad" enough, but it gets worse.  It must be something about…

• Bastardette's 7th Anniversary: The more things change the more they stay the same

  Marley Greiner

  22 Mar 2012 | 11:27 pm

  Tuesday marked  the 7th anniversary of the Daily Bastardette.  To be honest, I'm surprised. I started Bastardette as a little experiment not expecting her  to go very far. In fact, the big reason I started her was that a techie bastard, whose name escapes me now, suggested I blog since webpages were"obsolete" and blogs were "the way to go." I was also curious to see if anyone would read her. I was astounded when I had 100 hits.  As of this writing, I've had  almost 350,000 hits. I'm still astounded. One of my first blogs, Abandoning your Baby: It's such a simple…

• Oklahoma: HB 2634 passes House 93-0

  Marley Greiner

  13 Mar 2012 | 1:34 pm

  Oklahoma clean bill HB 2634 passed the House yesterday with a 93-0 Vote. It now goes to the Senate. For more information go to the Oklahoma Open blog and Facebook.Thanks to all those Oklahomans who contacted House members!  And thanks to Reps Sherrer, Walker, McDaniel, and Hoskin for their terrific support.  We're half-way home! 

• Oklahoma: HB 2634--Geographically limited Action Alert

  Marley Greiner

  8 Mar 2012 | 6:09 pm

  Important:  please read the guidelines before you write . This is a limited action alert for those born in Oklahoma or current residents. From Pat Marler:Great news! HB2634 was placed on the House of Representatives Floor Calendar today! It will be heard between the 12th and the last day to be heard, the 15th.This is a clean bill with no restrictions; only a contact Preference Form which does not affect the release of the OBC.    The following are e-mail addresses for the Representatives and we want all those who were born or live in Oklahoma to please write these…

• International Women's Day: The Women of the IWW

  Marley Greiner

  8 Mar 2012 | 4:17 pm

  ...and yes, Helen Keller was a Wob!   I was, too, and I need to rejoin the One Big Union. I owe much to those wonderful women of the Industrial Workers of the World-- those I knew in person and others only historically who inspired me to fight state oppression:  Sophie Cohen, Esther Dolgoff,  Gurley Flynn, Lucy Parsons, Nina Spies and so many more.  (I'll save the men for another day)

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  Joy's Division

• The Tyranny of the Weak

  joy21

  14 May 2012 | 12:45 am

  The first time I ran into this idea, I was a very young teenager.    As I have said before I was an “early bloomer”  so get ready for TMI, if you are a mom you may need your smelling salts, if you are male faint already, but if you were like me, this will be all too familiar.  So was at the local free clinic to figure out why my no-good bf had broken me, yeast infection, but I didn’t know that, literally thought I was dying, jay-jay first.   I couldn’t talk to my sainted amom, nmom, was no where to be found and bff didn’t like bf.  So I gave the clinic…

• Deborah Harry: Rejected Adoptee, Srsly? Srsly

  joy21

  8 May 2012 | 11:48 pm

  I love Debbie Harry, I have said that about as many times as I have said I was an adoptee on this blog.  I have traced the trajectory,  singing   “Rapture” as a little tyke while jumping rope,  ”then they ate up bars where the people meet”  some people say that was the first rap song.  Mabye?   But the things of childhood are to be put away when one grows the boobies.  Sooo, we did, we rejected.  BUT bff and I also liked to freak out the boys, tell them things that were super un-cool and get them to go along with us, just because h.s. boys are like that, they…

• My Real Parents: Jello, Joey, Johnny, and Nina

  joy21

  7 May 2012 | 9:48 am

  “I find honesty to be the most offensive thing in the world, since the dawn of man-kind”   Johnny Lydon I never really reflected on how hanging out with punks, in clubs, going to shows educated and liberated me, it just made the most sense at the time, looking back from middle-age, I am amazed that I was that smart.  Despite the gaslighting despite being a little kid and watching  weirdo documentaries about “My daughter was a wonderful cheerleader and then was taken by the punk-rock, halp me Jeebus”   You forget about those but they had them.  I was watching…

• Yayaya A Punk Rock A Punk Punk Punk A Punk Rockah, Yeah: Why Do People Even Bother Lying?

  joy21

  5 May 2012 | 2:54 am

  Can you name that tune?  Can ya Sheena? Don’t tell me I sang off key, I will have a shit-fit.  Lollers.  So I was witnessing this conversation about making friends with anger, and anger is my bff, so I know a lot about it so of course instantly thought of PIL’s “Rise”  you know “Anger Is An Energy!  We will all Rise Anew!  Yay Mr. Rotten!  He inspires me ‘n shit. Anger can be fantastic.  When I get angry, it feels like all these disconnected data points coalesce and flocculate yes clarifying agent indeed. I feel like everything becomes clear and I…

• Tipping Point: It is NOT Too Soon to Celebrate!

  joy21

  4 May 2012 | 3:05 am

  I have to thank all the mothers that were brave enough to participate in Dan Rather’s Abducted or Adopted?  But of course from me a special big shout out to our girl Cloudia  (yeah, I remember that story, it always makes me giggle and I think that is a way better name for you anyway)  Because Cloudia and I have hung out in hotel rooms, we have asked a lot of people for a lot of stuff, we have led parades without the aid of 76 trombones.  She made the best adoptee rights coalition video evah! She has done more things for adoptee rights than anyone I personally know, including me,…

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  Kimchi Mamas

• Hump Day Links

  Kimchi

  16 May 2012 | 9:29 am

  Kristen Chase over at Motherhood Uncensored gives some perspective to the perception of Dads and our roles as Moms. (Did you know she's a Kimchi Mama? Probably explains her HAWTNESS.) Speaking of sexy: I guess women of colour aren't sexy anymore? According to VS we're not . . . When I grow up I want to be Jen and Diane...

• Happy Mother's Day!

  Kimchi

  13 May 2012 | 10:23 am

  Happy mother's day to all the Kimchi Mamas out there! May your day be filled with laughter, joy, hugs, smiles . . . and of course, kimchi! -Angie in Texas will be celebrating with her Kimchi Mama with . . . kimchi!

• Bay Area! Go Watch the APA Vagina Monologues on May 17!

  Kimchi

  10 May 2012 | 2:34 pm

  Although I love vaginas and enjoy talking about them, I have yet to go see a Vagina Monologues show. Oh, how I wish I can go to this one! The cast is all Asian/Pacific Islander, and I bet this will be a transformative experience. From their website: NAPAWF Bay Area proudly presents an Asian Pacific American women's production of the...

• Cute Korean Paper Doll

  Kimchi

  4 May 2012 | 12:41 pm

  Just saw this on KokoLiving and thought it was too adorable not to share: It's a cute little Korean paper doll complete with a sidebar containing little facts about Korea that could easily be made into a cute bookmark. Download Paper-dolls-world-korea (PDF)

• Happy Asian Pacific American History Month!

  Kimchi

  2 May 2012 | 12:03 pm

  The charming men of the National Film Society recently gathered together a group of notable Asian Americans (including Kimchi brethren Phil Yu of Angry Asian Man, Randall Park, and Joy Osmanski), dubbed them "The Asian Avengers," and dished about the the cornucopia (or the lack thereof) of Asian role models they had when they were young: You can see more...

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  Write Mind Open Heart

• I own that

  Lavender Luz

  16 May 2012 | 8:00 am

  Jane asked us at the start of yoga class to silently  compliment ourselves on something. In the space of seconds I discounted everything that came to mind. On my body? That’s my genes. On my children? That’s someone else’s genes. On my writing? That’s due to my dad, my 7th grade teacher, Melissa, y’all who [...]

• Outliers

  Lavender Luz

  12 May 2012 | 8:00 am

  An open letter to ministers, yoga teachers, and anyone addressing mothers and fathers in mid-May or mid-June. Dear Person at the front of the room, I know you worked really hard on that homily about Mother’s Day / Father’s Day. It’s a time of joy and appreciation and community for almost everyone in the room. [...]

• Five ٥ 5 cinco 五 fünf ★ cinq V

  Lavender Luz

  11 May 2012 | 7:00 am

  High five, everyone –it’s my blogoversary! Year-by-year highlights of my blogging and personal lives: In 2007 I joined the blogging world via a Peggy Orenstein book and the Barren Bi+ches Book Club. My brother-in-law was near death from Guillain-Barre Syndrome and my children were 6 and 4. I had just taken up yoga .Back then [...]

• Time Warp Tuesday: Mothering

  Lavender Luz

  8 May 2012 | 8:00 am

  I’m participating in Time Warp Tuesday, the monthly blog hop offered by Kathy at Bereaved and Blessed. This week’s theme is Mothering, and our assignment is to: Choose a blog entry from your archives that you wrote about mothering. It can be a post where you talked about your own experience as a mother, one [...]

• All that’s left

  Lavender Luz

  7 May 2012 | 8:00 am

  About the time I started middle school (or, as we used to say, “junior high”) I had exasperated my piano teacher to the point where she decided I had to find a new teacher. I still don’t know how I flummoxed my mom so. I suppose it could have been my legendary stubbornness. (Example: My [...]

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  Therapy Is Expensive

• WTF Wednesday: Commute Complaints

  KatjaMichelle

  16 May 2012 | 7:35 am

  It’s been a few weeks since my last WTF Wednesday post, i guess being happy means I have less to complain about.  But never fear I can always find something. Dream job is only a little further away from my apartment than my last job.  However I’m not traveling north each morning, which means more traffic and thus it takes much longer.  Even more so when people. can’t. drive. As I make my way on to the freeway I need to merge with cars who would like off at that same exit.  They’re decelerating from freeway speeds while I’m excelerating to freeway speeds but…

• I Can’t Win

  KatjaMichelle

  14 May 2012 | 10:38 pm

  Last night I had a Mothers day meltdown. I’d thought I’d made it through the weekend quite well, until I suddenly realized I hadn’t. I abruptly excused myself from my parents house and came home to cry. I tweeted some of my feelings, but when TeacherMan tried to talk to me about it I refused to open up. I later realized I needed to work on allowing him in even when I’m having a not so stellar moment. Then today we went for a walk and some things that have been bothering me came up. I fought the urge to squash them back down and admitted my worries and sadness. And it…

• The Parents Have Been Met

  KatjaMichelle

  13 May 2012 | 11:01 am

  A couple weeks ago TeacherMan and I went to his parent’s condo to pick up his dog.  We entered and he sped walked to get the dog disappearing into a room as I rounded the corner and was face to face with his mother.  She’d entered the hall just after TeacherMan disappeared so there I was, some strange women in her home. “Hi, I’m Kat” i stammered.  The introductions caused TeacherMan to rejoin us and I made some lame joke about his speed walking… It was an awkward first meeting to say the least. So another first meeting was scheduled.  I was supposed to…

• The Importance of Context

  KatjaMichelle

  11 May 2012 | 5:00 pm

  Open Adoption is AWESOME. This is a sentence that was said to me recently by Monika on twitter. It is also a sentence that was retweeted by an adoption agency. What the agency failed to retweet is the CONTEXT in which she was telling me open adoption is awesome.  Instead it was used as a blanket endorsement for adoption. While Monika may be a newer (than me) birth mom and she may voice more of the positives than I do, she is not a rainbows and butterflies kind of birth mom.   That a conversation we were having would be used in such a way is actually rather offensive to me.  I know that…

• The Cost and Value of Education

  KatjaMichelle

  11 May 2012 | 1:12 pm

  Awhile ago some friends were discussing disbelief over someone owing over 100k for a degree in women’s studies. Today I overheard (oversaw?) a conversation on twitter about a person trying to convince his/her mom to refinance the house to pay for their college tuition at 81K/year. My goodness something needs to change. However, I don’t think the answer is not giving student loans to those not working toward the “right” degree or not going to college if you can’t pay for it 100% out of pocket. It certainly isn’t to double the student loan interest rate.

• 

  singout

• So Shine the Light

  jmomma

  20 Apr 2012 | 1:48 pm

  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oAuBQCEgwgc RIP Levon Helm. The Light is stronger than  the darkness. My intolerance and irritation are the darkness. They are ephemeral. I don’t have to give over to confusion and doubt, just experience them and carry on. The Band has helped me carry the weight most of my life. What a refreshing burst of joy to see the love and affection sending Levon on his way.

• another turn

  jmomma

  9 Apr 2012 | 2:36 pm

  This post is an attempt to have a conversation I missed yesterday, the third day of my visit to my youngest. We were getting a little edgy with our familiarity. Ezzie tossed out a saucy little comment about how I might not like one of  her friends. Not wanting to be pigeonholed, I answered maybe I would. No you wouldn’t. She’s pro adoption. Ok, that would be a likely conflict, not so sociable meeting point. You are right again. Let’s get these veggies home and in the fridge and change the subject. Back home this morning, I woke up wanting to have taken that conversation…

• I’ve got to pay attention now

  jmomma

  31 Jul 2010 | 3:24 pm

  The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up.  ~ Paul Valery Round and round and round we go. DD introduced me to blogging about adoption in 2006, a safe place to explore myself and adoption issues was a revelation.  I learned a lot through reading others’ experiences as well as hashing through mine. Now, the more things change, the more they stay the same. If there was a honeymoon in our reunion,  it came in late, when I started blogging. It also marked the first time I really tried to integrate DD into my now grown up family. Things seemed to be starting to resolve.

• shaken and stirred

  jmomma

  9 Jul 2010 | 1:34 am

  My DD took offense at an impersonal pronoun in my last post. I screwed up. I was tired when I read her comment and should have left it alone. But I was going to be offline for at least five days and didn’t want to ignore her. So I jumped in and said something really stupid and hurtful.  I’ve been re looking at it for the past 5 days. That would be HER, not IT, thank-you. At first I didn’t read carefully enough to distinguish between her comment (above) and my own words (below) which were posted along with her comment. “Or if they really loved their first grandchild they…

• Unconditional Love, what’s that?

  jmomma

  28 Jun 2010 | 3:36 pm

  It’s been brought up on forums I’ve visited by both adoptees and first mothers. As Tupac Shakur said, (What y’all want?) Unconditional Love (no doubt) Talking bout the stuff that don’t wear off where is that? I see conditions in most relationships. I put out a lot of conditions in my daily life. I’ve got lots of expectations. I set conditions for my environment, for my friendships. In a recent discussion of unconditional love I fell back to the Divine Miss M singing From a Distance. It’s so much easier to love from a distance. We can let go of our…

• 

  According To Addie

• Happy Birthday Dad!

  addiepray

  4 May 2012 | 4:16 pm

  Reblogged from Close to my Heart and On My Last Nerve: Birthday card for dad made from the CTMH Cruisin’ Workshop on the Go kit with a little help from the CTMH Art Philosophy Cricut Cartridge.

• It’s an Adoptee Thing

  addiepray

  29 Mar 2012 | 5:18 am

  I haven’t been adopted much lately. I’m blowing off more Adoptee Rights Demonstration meetings than I attending, I haven’t blogged, honestly I haven’t given adoption much thought. It will always be there. Adoption is always there, it runs like a current below everything thing else. Below the big losses that everyone experiences, below the day-to-day bullshit, even below the happy. Adoption is just there and I know it’s not going anywhere. I’ve dealt with it long enough I can ignore it, for a while. There are, however, some things I cannot let go. I can’t sit back and see the…

• Ever see a quote….

  addiepray

  19 Mar 2012 | 8:53 am

  from Elizabeth Kubler Ross and wonder, “How the hell would she know? Just sayin’.

• Rolling With It

  addiepray

  27 Feb 2012 | 6:55 pm

  What has become of Addie? I have no idea. She is still becoming. I’m not the same person I was a year ago. Everything is different, the minutes, hours, days and months are nothing like they were. I have become accustomed to being adrift, but decided to trust. Worst case scenarios playing out can make you feel bulletproof. It’s an illusion, it can always hurt more. I figured that out when I decided to trust again. Setting that fear aside has been difficult, but I had to, loss comes regardless of intent. To fear loss is to fear life. Yep, that means I have a boyfriend. Well, not really a…

• Who Can Just Go Get Fucked This Year

  addiepray

  13 Oct 2011 | 4:32 am

  I’m coming up on 5 months since I lost David, I’m in the middle of mid-terms, and my birthday is next week. That’s right, I’m a stressed out widowed adoptee just about to have a birthday. Folks who know what this means are already looking for something to crawl under. So in lieu of felonious assault, here are my fuck yous for the year.. The Forty-sixth annual Fuck You list… The Medical Community-no explanation needed, but I’m going to bitch a bit anyway. I do not give a damn if you will never pay off your student loans, that you are not allowed to practice…

• 

  Baby Love Child

• “Adopted or Abducted?” an initial set of shall we say highly critical impressions

  Baby Love Child

  1 May 2012 | 10:55 pm

  So Dan Rather and HD.net ran Adopted or Abducted? this evening. Completely wrong framing from the get go, seeing as to how the very title posits an “either/or” false bifrication rather than ‘in so many cases, globally, history and experience teaches us they are completely synonymous.’ To add insult to injury, the show’s website is now linking rebuttals by the the very organizations responsible for these crimes, Catholic Charities, Crittenton Foundation, Salavating, errr Salvation Army, and the National Association of Social Workers. No statements from any…

• Blogging again, a personal post- surveilling the sewer, through new eyes

  Baby Love Child

  26 Apr 2012 | 3:17 pm

  I haven’t written a post here since Nov of 2011 for a number of reasons. I’ve needed the time. Back on May 10th, 2010, the day before my birthday, I received a copy of my unamended original birth certificate. Even the day prior, I had bemoaned the regressing state of Bastard rights, decried the “Faustian bargain of access for some at the direct expense of the rights of others”, and acknowledged the sad reality of my personal circumstance: somewhere out there, (if she’s even still alive,) is a Mother who gave birth on Mother’s Day to a daughter who eventually…

• The industry’s “National Adoption Day”- a day celebrating the loss of adoptees’ civil rights

  Baby Love Child

  19 Nov 2011 | 6:08 pm

  Sure, I could write a new post, with new examples torn from this year’s headlines, but honestly why bother? I’ve said it all before. See my post from last year- “National Adoption Day:” a celebration of sealed records & inequality” instead. Along with this mass spectacle of kids being stripped of their civil rights and equality in Arizona, (a sealed records state): 100s of children adopted in Valley event Except of course, by the time it was all said and done, a record 343 children were scheduled to be slammed through the adoption process in Maricopa County Superior…

• Of Earthquakes and Adoptions

  Baby Love Child

  23 Aug 2011 | 3:37 pm

  Clearly in the wake of today’s earthquake felt up and down the east coast it’s time to revisit these two posts I did last year: The Great Germantown, Maryland Earthquakes of ‘10, Think of the Children! (part 1) and The Great Germantown, Maryland Earthquakes of ‘10, Think of the Children! (part 2) They comprise a work of parody (tragically rooted in genuine events) and re-imagining and re-contextualization exploring natural disaster zone adoptions; genuine human needs vs. adopter demand unleashed. Reacting swiftly to the desperate need in the Maryland burbs, other states…

• Adoption is absolutely a Feminist “issue”/an “issue” Feminists must face

  Baby Love Child

  29 Jul 2011 | 6:20 am

  In response to a post at Feministe, Adoption as a Feminist Issue, I threw in my .02 worth: (As there was a request to limit the number of links in replies, the version of the below on Feministe contains only 3 links, this represents a vastly expanded version with citations for my readership.) I’ve actually been blogging about adoption from a feminist/humanrights/pro-reproductive autonomy perspective for a number of years now. There’s no question in my mind how it must be considered intrinsic to the broader feminist framework. Additionally, it must be understood from a…

• 

  WordPress.com News

• Stay In The Conversation

  Beau Lebens

  15 May 2012 | 6:01 pm

  It’s now much easier for you and your commenters to keep track of the conversations you’re involved in across WordPress.com. Some recent tests have shown that by subscribing commenters to new comments by default, they are more likely to stay engaged and come back and comment more on your blog. With that knowledge, we’ve changed the default comment following behavior to help you get more conversations going on your blog. We made the initial changes last week and after great feedback from you we just launched an update. Here’s how it works: By default, posting a comment…

• Look at These Gorgeous Blogs

  Sheri

  15 May 2012 | 1:05 pm

  We’ve added a user showcase where you can view stunning customizations made by people just like you. From complete redesigns with CSS to adding pizzazz with Custom Fonts to clever use of options like background and header, this showcase will spark your imagination and inspire creativity. Discover details about what each showcase blog is doing with WordPress.com themes and customizations by clicking a thumbnail to see a colophon-style list of credits on the left. We’ve also updated footer links so blog owners can show off the types of customizations they’ve made and visitors can…

• Photo Blogging 101, Part 1

  Erica V.

  14 May 2012 | 10:00 am

  Spring is in the air. With the weather warming up, now is a great time to get started on a photo blog. Creating a photo blog is a wonderful introduction to blogging on WordPress.com or an opportunity to refresh your current site. Ready to get started? You can sign up for a new blog right over here. Getting started Photo blogs, sometimes called phlogs, use pictures instead of words. While many photo bloggers choose a type of photo that they want to focus on, such as portraits, others use their photo blog to document their life’s events. Photo blogs come in a variety of styles, including…

• New Themes: Just Desserts and Oxygen

  Michelle Langston

  10 May 2012 | 8:11 am

  Happy Thursday! We’ve added some exciting new themes to our ever-growing collection, and we’re happy to tell you all about them. First out of the oven is…Just Desserts. Yep, that’s a theme! Designed by Andy Rutledge, Just Desserts is a deliciously stylish premium theme that’s perfect for blogs centered on food. With its responsive, single-column layout and unique presentation of images and posts on the front page, Just Desserts gives you a delectable canvas on which your mouthwatering photos and text can really shine — even when viewed on smaller mobile devices…

• Find Friends Who Use WordPress

  Nick Momrik

  1 May 2012 | 2:32 pm

  Are you curious to see how your friends are using WordPress? Give the new and improved Friend Finder a try to connect with your Twitter, Facebook, and Google contacts who have WordPress sites! After authorizing WordPress.com to use your Twitter, Facebook, or Google account to find your friends (don’t worry — none of this account information is saved!) you’ll see a list of people you know who have WordPress sites. Click Follow and each time your friend publishes a new post it will show up in your Reader under Blogs I Follow. If you have multiple blogs, make sure to set the…

• 

  American Family

• unraveling the mystery

  AmericanFamily

  16 May 2012 | 1:44 pm

  This week has been a flurry of research (and waiting on hold trying to schedule appointments)  to figure out what is going on with L.  We are scheduled to meet with a neuropsych later this week. Hopefully he will help us figure out what additional testing we need. In the meantime, we got an OT [...]

• This week’s WTF

  AmericanFamily

  14 May 2012 | 8:30 pm

  My Father-In-Law has a variety of free and nearly free food options he patronizes.  We encourage him to take part in these programs because he is on a very low fixed income and they also provide much needed socialization for him. In addition to those two links, the subsidized senior housing complex where he lives also [...]

• Two emails I sent today

  AmericanFamily

  9 May 2012 | 7:59 pm

  email number one: Hi Mom, I ran across this article today. It says much more articulately than I can one of the primary reasons I have not allowed my girls to go to church.  It is also one of the reasons I decided to no longer call myself a Christian.  I know this has been [...]

• Any speech/language pathologists/IEP experts in the house?

  AmericanFamily

  7 May 2012 | 3:59 pm

  We are knee deep (soon to be neck deep) in L’s IEP /transition to kindergarten process.  It sucks. It royally sucks. I spent my morning crying about one of her stupid test results even though I know that it is totally no indicative of L’s abilities.  The crappy score she got on that one test [...]

• meetup success

  AmericanFamily

  3 May 2012 | 7:57 am

  I did my first searching meetup last Sunday night.  I will call it a success because I did not have a panic attack or throw up.  I think we ended up with maybe 8 families represented with varying levels of interest in searching.  Some were just curious about our experience, some were actively searching.  The [...]

• 

  welcome to my brain . net

• Magical Milk Pic-o-the-Week

  15 May 2012 | 4:13 am

  Source: flickr.com via Rita on PinterestYou can submit your own Magical Milk Pic to magicalmilkpics@hotmail.com

• What's in a name?

  11 May 2012 | 4:04 pm

  (photo by elvis santana, used with permission) Today I read something that broke my heart.  Someone was recapping a conversation they had with a former customer.  That customer is an immigrant and ... well, let's just say their name is not something like "Mary" or "Kelsie."  This person's boss, however, says he is having difficulty remembering her name and makes her wear a name tag that reads "Sally." Really. I got to this point in writing today's post and have stared at it for hours.  Each time I come back to it, my heart pounds.  It hits me very close to home, and I…

• Oh right. Mother's Day.

  10 May 2012 | 9:14 am

    We can do this.You're not alone.It's not fair to any of us.  It's hard for everyone in this walk.  Let's try to remember that.  Allow space for that.

• Permission to like yourself

  9 May 2012 | 4:28 am

  This is true when I read it.  Is it true for you?  In a rare event, I am not allowing comments.  I am not adding a picture.  I want you to picture you.  Then find out what is holding up any part of these words in your life.  No need to discuss it with any of us.  Discuss it with you. I love myself. In fact, I really like me. I'm not a narcissist.  I don't need you to like me or stand in awe of me.  I don't think I'm better than anyone else.  In fact, I find me to be gloriously average.  Living in moderation between some really fun and…

• Magical Milk Pic-o-the-Week

  8 May 2012 | 5:42 am

  "After three miscarriages, my husband Ray and I were honored to welcome Abigail Hope Miller into our family January 16th, 2012.  Love reading your blog and appreciate you sharing life with us readers." (photo by Sarah Chisolm-Miller, used with permission) You can submit your own Magical Milk Pic to magicalmilkpics@hotmail.com

• 

  A Birth Project

• NYC Premiere! Yay! I got IN!!

  Lisa Marie

  27 Apr 2012 | 9:24 am

  I’m thrilled to announce that my play “Ungrateful Daughter: One Black Girls story of being adopted into a white family…that aren’t celebrities” will have its NYC Premiere at the 2012 NYC International Fringe Festival in August!! I got in!!! YEEEEEEE! NYC here I come! I will be posting fundraising, production updates, and the specific show dates as soon as I get all that information! HUGE HUGE thank you again to ALL of my donors, both individual, organizational and foundations! Huge thank you to the adoptee community who has has my back from the beginning. I could…

• Longing: First Movement

  Lisa Marie

  3 Feb 2012 | 2:38 pm

  in the shadow of this empty birth certificate I live as (un) blank slate of memory longing is a pain knowing can cure, desire for your hand to cover mine sweet jane sweet sweet jane doe something about ghosts living between us people want to disregard, silence the voices in their heads as if they never were Anyone who’s ever split apart this grief can make you forget what they told you try hard to remember the words feel them on your tongue like the name your mother says she picked for you Anyone who’s ever had a dream I will not cast out my name even for you, who wish me away who…

• “Altar of Unknown” in River, Blood Corn: A Literary Journal

  Lisa Marie

  24 Jan 2012 | 3:20 pm

  I’m thrilled that I’m featured in the January 2012 issue of River, Blood Corn: A Literary Journal! I’ve been thinking so much about the incredible resilience of adoptees and fostered people. We move through our lives with so many things that are ‘lost’ or ‘missing’ or ‘absent’. I put those words in parentheticals because the words themselves don’t actually articulate well what it means to have these complete ‘unknowns’ drawn on pieces of our lives. Its not like I feel this ‘loss’ or ‘absence’ in a…

• I’m featured on “Land of Gazillion Adoptees”!

  Lisa Marie

  28 Oct 2011 | 9:09 pm

  Just wanted to share that I was recently featured on Land of a Gazillion Adoptee as a guest. Check out the podcast here! We had a great conversation. I hope you all enjoy it. I had a chance to talk about fear, activism and artistic work. I’d love to hear what you all think! Filed under: African adoptee, African Adoption, black adoptee, Good Stuff, In the News, International Adoption, Race, Transracial Adoption Tagged: adult adoptees, African adoptee, african american adoptee, black adoptee, International Adoption, multiracial, Transracial Adoption

• Oct 6, 7 & 8 – 8pm Berkeley, CA

  Lisa Marie

  21 Sep 2011 | 3:20 pm

  Please come!!! BUY YOUR TICKETS NOW! also – are you on my email list? Read my most recent update! Filed under: "solo performance", "theater", African Adoption, black adoptee, International Adoption, Mixed Race, multiracial, Performance, Poetry, Transracial Adoption

• 

  this woman's work

• Our children hang out with other children

  admin

  10 May 2012 | 10:46 am

  First of all, you need to watch this wonderful video. OK, did you do that? Great! Now we’re on the same page. Let’s talk. I know a lot of us limit our kids’ access to media, especially women’s magazines and Go Daddy commercials, and that’s terrific but our kids hang with other people’s kids and so when you watch this video, think about how often the influence of that media bleeds through even when our children aren’t explicitly exposed to it. 39 seconds into this excellent video you’ll learn that after 3 minutes of leafing through a fashion…

• PL Travers on Maurice Sendak

  admin

  8 May 2012 | 5:10 pm

  "Once, when Maurice Sendak was being interviewed on television a little after the success of Where the Wild Thigns Are, he was asked the usual questions: Do you have children? Do you like children? After a pause, he said with simple dignity, "I was a child." That says it all. ~ P. L. Travers, author of Mary Poppins

• Magical therapists

  admin

  27 Apr 2012 | 9:01 am

  One thing I’ve noticed about being a beginning therapist is that it’s tempting to think about treatment plans in terms of recipes. You add a dash of this, season it with that and top it off with a cognitive-behavioral exercise (and a healthy pinch of mindfulness) then mix it all up and wait expectantly for the client to respond just like the research-based treatment says s/he should. Only that’s not how the world works. Treatment plans are not recipes and clients are not their diagnoses. But to be a newbie counselor is to want clear answers and one of the big learning curves…

• Dr. Bruce Perry coming to Columbus

  admin

  20 Apr 2012 | 9:06 am

  I’m super-excited about this training next week: Understanding the Effects of Maltreatment on Brain Development Prevention: Supporting Children’s Well-Being and Breaking the Cycle of Violence Overview of the Neurosequential Model of Therapeutics Changing the Cycle of Child Abuse & Family Violence: What Systems Can Do to Build Better Lives I have a professional crush on him.

• I am learning a lot from this blog

  admin

  16 Apr 2012 | 9:21 am

  One profound way that enduring relationships increase hope is through their effect on shame. Shame is the sense that deep within me I am no good, that I have a rotten center, and that anyone who gets to know me will turn from me in horror. But what if in fact this doesn’t happen? The antidote to shame is to be known, to share the secret self, and to have the other person not be repulsed. This is so hard to accomplish, because the person who experiences shame is so reluctant to share his true self, which he feels is so horrible. But if we are able to create a relationship that is strong and…

• 

  Voices for Vietnam Adoption Integrity

• Reality Check

  Christina

  1 May 2012 | 6:58 pm

  “Four years ago, he claimed, a stranger—a middleman in the adoption trade—came to his village and persuaded him to give up a child with the promise that she would grow up and send money to support him.” Can you guess where this happened? Where is this village, this destitute father, this “middleman in the adoption [...]

• Former nurse on trial for baby trafficking in Vietnam

  Tracy

  23 Feb 2012 | 12:11 pm

  From Thanh Nien News: The Hanoi People’s Court Tuesday opened the trial of a former nurse at the Vietnam National Ob-gyn Hospital who used her position to run a baby trafficking ring. Nguyen Thi Kim Chi told the court that she had noticed many women having unexpected and unwanted pregnancies while sterile couples pined for [...]

• Adoption Corruption: Who is the Big Bad Wolf

  Nicki

  16 Feb 2012 | 2:19 pm

  Many friends and loved ones are anxiously awaiting the return of the Vietnam adoption program. I admit that I, too, sometimes let myself dream of adding to our family one more time. While I’m not in an ideal place to grow my family immediately, I know many others including members of our VVAI team have [...]

• From USCIS: Unable to Resume Processing Adoptions From Vietnam

  jena

  6 Feb 2012 | 9:53 am

  The United States Citizenship and Immigration Services posted this notice last week:  U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) today announced it cannot approve a Form I-800, Petition to Classify Convention Adoptee as an Immediate Relative, filed on behalf of a child to be adopted from Vietnam. The Department of State (DOS) has determined that Vietnam has [...]

• Vietnam Adoption Notice – U.S. Department of State to delay resuming adoptions in Vietnam

  Tracy

  1 Feb 2012 | 3:58 pm

  From the US Department of State: Vietnam February 2012 Notice: U.S. Department of State to delay resuming adoptions in Vietnam The United States has determined that it will not resume intercountry adoptions in Vietnam on February 1, 2012, when the Hague Convention on Protection of Children and Co-operation in Respect of Intercountry Adoption will enter [...]

• 

  Third Mom

• Important distinction redux

  Margie

  14 May 2012 | 10:24 am

  I vented my frustrations with the "Christian adoption movement" here. I clarified that my beef is with the movement, not the faith, here. A few comments I've received offline are struggling with what is perceived to be my backing away from deserved criticism - a softening of the blow, so to speak.This is not the case.I've noticed recently on some adoption reform lists and groups to which I belong that criticism of this phenomenon is stretching beyond the movement itself to criticism of Christians in general, particularly conservative Evangelical Christians and Catholics. This…

• Distrusting the movement, not disdaining the faith

  Margie

  11 May 2012 | 2:28 pm

  As much as I want to see and end to adoption injustice, it's difficult to write posts like the one from the other day about the Christian adoption movement. Calling out Christianity, which is so closely aligned with this movement, feels like bashing. I've been wondering if I'd write the same way about it if it were the Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist or Hindu orphan care and adoption movement, and have decided that I wouldn't. I think one reason I feel I can criticize the movement openly is because I'm a Christian myself. But as a Roman Catholic, I also know there's a chasm between me…

• A few thoughts on Christian orphan care and adoption

  Margie

  8 May 2012 | 4:05 pm

  There's an interesting thread at the Adoption Truth and Transparency Network Facebook page - find Desiree Smolin's post starting with Live from Saddleback Orphan Summit VIII ... and read on.  If you haven't yet, also read Dr. David Smolin's article on the Christian orphan care and adoption movement and his posts about the Summit here, here and particularly here, where he points out five serious errors in the Summit's adoption message.The Christian adoption movement has always made me uncomfortable. With all due respect for readers who may support it, I perceive the movement to…

• Hypocrite: guilty as charged

  Margie

  20 Apr 2012 | 10:51 am

  I received a comment on this post that deserves a serious answer. The topic is important, one to which readers of this blog deserve a response. Here it is, verbatim; the commenter was anonymous, so I don’t know how he or she is affected by adoption:Oh please!Thirdmom you talk now because all of your children are grown and have their loyalties in place to you. Also, let’s not forget that you possibly adopted from Korea because at that time there were no "open adoptions" holding you hostage.It never amazes me how aparents sing the "evils of adoption" but yet adopt from overseas to avoid…

• Adoption blog hoppin'

  Margie

  19 Apr 2012 | 10:30 am

  Sometimes fear, assumptions, and the unknown can make us feel threatened.Oh, yes indeed.I read this line on a blog that's new to me, Adoption Magazine.  As I don't know the blog, I can't comment on the author's point of view, but I like the post that announces a blog hop for anyone living adoption, regardless of your role or point of view. MUCH better than exclusive contests that push a particular perspective and capriciously and unjustly disqualify participants.How my blog ended up on the list is unknown to me because I didn't add it, but I'm actually glad it's there. I know that…

• 

  Writing My Wrongs

• Happy 26th

  Suz

  16 May 2012 | 6:08 am

  Wishing my daughter a happy 26th birthday.  I hope she has a wonderful day. Will be thinking of her more than usual today. I hope her girlfriend and other friends and family take her out for a wonderful dinner in Brooklyn and shower her with all the love she so rightly deserves. I made two donations in honor of her. Whereas years past, I would send her gifts or donate to causes she would support, her request for no contact and gifts has changed my approach. I now donate to causes that work to change adoption or prevent it all together. This year I was happy to make a small donation to the…

• Synchronicity

  Suz

  14 May 2012 | 1:04 pm

  I spoke with the surgeons office and confirmed the date of my surgery – June 8.  I call and email my husband and let him know same. I begin to look into other areas (applying for short-term disability, reassigning some of my work to members of my staff, researching insurance coverage and more) when I start to have some dark thoughts. The surgery will take six to eight hours.  There is a 2% morbidity rate.  There are the standard risks associated with general anesthesia and oh, yeah, all those risks that come along with spine/disc/etc surgery.  My heart races a bit from anxiety and I…

• Never Let Me Go

  Suz

  10 May 2012 | 12:56 pm

  The movie Never Let Me Go is a dystopian drama based on Kazuo Ishaiguro’s 2005 novel of the same name. The film stars actors Carey Mulligan, Keira Knightley and Andrew Garfield playing the roles of Kathy, Ruth and Tommy, respectively. On the surface the movie appears at first to be the story of a boarding school young love triangle between Kathy, Ruth and Tommy. As the film progresses,  the viewer learns that all three characters are scientific specimens that have been created for the sole purpose of providing their organs to severely ill patients.  The children are “born” and…

• 

  The Chronicles of Munchkin Land

• The Pervasive Belief That All Who Relinquish Were Going to Harm Their Child

  Jenna

  16 May 2012 | 9:01 am

  This. This is why I am not quick to share my birthmotherhood with every Tom, Dick and Harry. Or, mostly, Jane. Jane is a judgmental wench. The pervasive belief that all who relinquished their child for adoption were going to harm their child. Which, of course, then tumbles and spills over into an automatic judgment of how I must parent my children now, most evident in the question I was once asked, in person, face-to-face with someone I still see on a regular basis, “And they let you have more children?” Who is they? And why on Earth wouldn’t they let me have another child?

• A Small Moment

  Jenna

  14 May 2012 | 8:42 am

  Yesterday we had a dual-celebration in these parts. There wasn’t much time to dwell on the ins and outs of emotions. I had to jump in feet first and be a mommy, be a daughter, be a daughter-in-law, be a wife celebrating her husband’s 30th birthday, be a soon-to-be-aunt, just be. But once we were back home and the boys were asleep and the calm settled down and around, I picked up the phone to call Dee back. She had texted a Happy Mother’s Day message earlier in the cacophony, and I wanted to return the sentiment. She was busy with JD and reading, so we exchanged a quick…

• Thoughts on Birthmother’s Day 2012

  Jenna

  12 May 2012 | 10:58 pm

  I didn’t expect to lose it this year. I’ve been walking in peace this year, allowing sadness to mingle with happiness. I knew what to expect at the ceremony, so I figured I would be fine. But that darn candle lightning ceremony — the walking up all alone, the lighting of the candle, the saying of her name, the glitter, the wish — oh, it just slammed into me. I tried to breathe. I didn’t want to cry. I turned to walk back, focusing on the flame of my candle. I made the mistake of making eye contact with my dear friend and support person, Amanda, as I lit her…

• Open Adoption Roundtable #38: What I Want to Say to You on Mother’s Day

  Jenna

  10 May 2012 | 10:53 am

  The new Open Adoption Roundtable asks us to: Write to someone else in the adoption constellation (someone specific or a general group). What do you want to say to them on Mother’s Day? I want to write three very brief letters to my three favorite adoptive moms this Mother’s Day. They are all very different letters as each of these adoptive moms are vastly different. But all three of them are my friends. I always get offended when I hear that adoptive moms and birth moms can’t ever be friends. I’m all, “Pfft, whatever. I do what I want!” I don’t deal well…

• Oh Yes, It’s Mother’s Day Week

  Jenna

  9 May 2012 | 10:02 am

  I couldn’t figure out what the heck my problem was this week. Last night, while watching an episode of 16 & Pregnant that did not make me want to scream at the television, I got all weepy and googly eyed over the little baby. While watching the Today Show yesterday morning, I snotted on myself when they showed the Olympics commercial dedicated to moms (though that begs the question: will they have one for dads?). I’ve been a weepy mess and it’s not cycle-related. So what the heck? As I opened a document for work this morning, it all made sense: Ah, Mother’s Day.

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  FAMILY PRESERVATION ADVOCACY

• Finding Fernanda

  Mirah Riben

  12 May 2012 | 7:25 pm

  Finding Fernanda: Two Mothers, One Child, and a Cross-border Search for the Truth by Erin SiegalBook review by Mirah RibenFinding Fernandais a riveting, powerful, excruciatingly detailed view of the underbelly of international adoption, particularly in – but not limited to – Guatemala.  It is investigative reporting at its finest, deserving of a Pulitzer…and at the same time is a heartfelt drama that makes damn good reading as a real life mystery (which tops any fiction). The author’s passion and writing skill puts the reader right in the midst of every scene of this…

• Who Does Adoption Serve?

  Mirah Riben

  12 May 2012 | 11:53 am

  How can we as a nation - as a society with any ethics, conscience or moral compass at all -  pretend that adoption is a social service to help children in need when the children in most need are regularly ignored whole adopters pay tens of thousands of dollars for children who may have been stolen or kidnapped or coerced from loving mothers under pretexts? And we promote and encourage more and more family dissolutions via adoptions and reward those who reap the spoils with tax benefits and kudos; societies thanks for the 'good deed' they did in taking someone's child.In "the old days"…

• The Truth Behind the Adoption Curtain

  Mirah Riben

  11 May 2012 | 3:48 pm

  Scratch the shiny veneer surface of the adoption happily-ever-after fairy tale, and as in most fairy tales the sinister appears...Dig beneath the facade online and you find things like the observations below, posted on China Adopt Talk a blog for those in the process or having newly adopted from China. The post is entitled "The Not-So-Rosy Part" which is actually, for the most art a constructive article on anticipating and how to overcome attachment problems, but begins with these horrifying realities:"I’ve read blogs of people who are home and who are miserable."I’ve read about…

• Mothers Day: A Time of Loss and Sorrow for Mothers and Their Children Separated by Adoption

  Mirah Riben

  4 May 2012 | 10:36 am

  As Mothers Day quickly approaches a young mother in Columbus, Georgia  has gone public with the search for her daughter she relinquished to adoption in 1984.  Dove Founz discovered she was pregnant at 18 while already the sole care giver for her mother who was undergoing chemo therapy for cancer. Dove says:"Love was not the issue. I loved her the second I knew she was there. I loved her the whole time she grew in my tummy.  Because I loved her so much I had to give her a better life. I had to give her a chance.  She deserved it." Her story is…

• Random Thoughts: Adoption and Anger....

  Mirah Riben

  2 May 2012 | 6:21 pm

  Random Thought Number One: On AngerI've been wonder why anger - in and of itself - is seen as a bad thing. A negative. A criticism for everything one with passion says. Anger out in violent ays, yes. That's not nice at all and should be squashed.Also anger held in, denied, can cause many issues for oneself and for others.I was angry with my friend I told my wrath, my wrath did end.I was angry with my foe; I told it not, my wrath did grow.—William BlakeSomeone also said: "Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret."But anger that is expressed in…

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  Adoption Blogs

• No One Forgets

  Patricia D

  14 May 2012 | 10:18 am

  Hello Again! It’s been quite awhile since I’ve been able to post and my apologies, I had a serious issue in my computer that was not allowing me onto the site. So, I’d like to make up for lost time! This post is very long, but I think worth the time to read, it’s a lesson everyone touched by adoption needs to hear: my son is 27 years old now, and it’s all still clear as a bell. Enjoy! Giving birth changes a woman forever. It is the most personal, emotional, incredible experience she will ever have. It is not an experience that can ever be forgotten or discounted.

• Happy Mother’s Day to All the Mothers In My Life

  Russell

  13 May 2012 | 9:33 am

  Back in the 1990’s I spent some time in Guatemala. Completely surrounded by a foreign culture and a foreign language (both of which became second nature to me while I was living there a while), I was a long way away from home and away from that wonderful lady who gave birth to me and raised me- my mother. I know the 90’s don’t seem like that long ago, but technologically it sure was. Email hadn’t yet become popular, so our main form of correspondence was by snail mail. And when you’re that far away it took about 2 weeks for a letter to travel from one to the other, then 2 more weeks…

• The Love of Two Mothers

  Rita B

  10 May 2012 | 3:58 pm

  With Mother’s Day coming up, I can’t help but think of my birth mother and my adopted mother. One carried me in her stomach and the other in her heart till the day she died four years ago. I can’t imagine what was going through my birth mother’s mine the day she gave birth to me knowing she was going to give me up. It must have been so hard on her. I can tell you what my adopted mother was thinking when she knew she was getting me. She was very excited, and anxious for my arrival. I know this cause she told me. She was the best mother any child could have ever asked…

• Something to Look Forward To

  Dreena T

  10 May 2012 | 8:05 am

  As far as I know — or maybe inasmuch as it’s obvious — Dear Hubby and I are the only ones on either side of our family (in this generation) to form our family through adoption.  One of my uncles adopted several of my aunts nieces and nephews in my generation but because they lived in the Philippines, I really never got a chance to know them.   There is just not a lot of precedent for how we do things. That said, both our families constantly amaze me.  They have not only welcomed our children with open arms, they’ve been great cheerleaders and advocates for them. …

• Evolotion of Open Adoption (part 2)

  Russell

  9 May 2012 | 9:16 am

  By the late 1970’s and into the 1980’s, adoption agencies began to experiment with open adoption. The days when adoption was kept a secret began to dissolve and people began to embrace the idea of adoption. As adopted children and biological parents began to show an increased desire to have a relationship, that brought on a desire to have a relationship from the very beginning of the child’s life. Having an open adoption from the very beginning made it possible to avoid the disappointment and difficulty of trying to find one another later on in life. Relationships between adopted…

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  Birthmother

• Time to let go

  Jayne

  10 May 2012 | 8:39 pm

  She did respond. And she used a trigger word for me. Someday. Well, it's been almost 21 years and someday hasn't happened. It's not going to happen. I finally realize that. Why am I so damn gullible? And for the first time I "get" the birthmoms who have visits and come home with mixed feelings. I have always read those posts with unabashed envy. I would LOVE to have seen my son, known what his eye color turned out to be, heard his toddler laugh, smelled his hair. I wish I had one of his crayon drawings. After exchanging emails with M, I had those same confused, hurt feelings I get every…

• Almost 21

  Jayne

  14 Apr 2012 | 7:12 pm

  My son turns 21 in June. I grew some balls and emailed his adoptive mother. I knew her last name and have known about her Web site and email for a while, so I went ahead and used it.We'll see if she emails back.Basically, I am tired of this waiting thing. Should I just throw the towel in and call it a day? Okay, fine, he doesn't want any contact. But you know, the thing that bothers me is I still want to know what he was like as a child. I missed out on all of that. So I emailed her.We'll see if I hear anything.

• Time to Let Go?

  Jayne

  17 Nov 2011 | 7:38 pm

  I am really thinking of letting go. But I am also thinking of calling M and just asking her point blank whether she thinks I should. I just feel like it's too much baggage to keep carrying around.

• Birthday Card

  Jayne

  8 Jun 2011 | 8:53 pm

  Well, I bought him a card and it's sitting on the front seat of my car. It seems so inappropriate, really. Sending a birthday card to a 20 year-old man I don't know.

• Birthdays, a study in compare/contrast

  Jayne

  24 May 2011 | 8:22 pm

  One day last Fall it was my daughter's birthday. And it was a happy day. I remember thinking, "Oh, is this what they are supposed to feel like?" I felt so alive. The day was dynamic - not static. There was no time or need for reflection or contemplation. Just fun and joy.It was so unlike my son's birthdays which are always full of sadness and regret for me.

• 

  WordPress.com News

• Stay In The Conversation

  Beau Lebens

  15 May 2012 | 6:01 pm

  It’s now much easier for you and your commenters to keep track of the conversations you’re involved in across WordPress.com. Some recent tests have shown that by subscribing commenters to new comments by default, they are more likely to stay engaged and come back and comment more on your blog. With that knowledge, we’ve changed the default comment following behavior to help you get more conversations going on your blog. We made the initial changes last week and after great feedback from you we just launched an update. Here’s how it works: By default, posting a comment…

• Look at These Gorgeous Blogs

  Sheri

  15 May 2012 | 1:05 pm

  We’ve added a user showcase where you can view stunning customizations made by people just like you. From complete redesigns with CSS to adding pizzazz with Custom Fonts to clever use of options like background and header, this showcase will spark your imagination and inspire creativity. Discover details about what each showcase blog is doing with WordPress.com themes and customizations by clicking a thumbnail to see a colophon-style list of credits on the left. We’ve also updated footer links so blog owners can show off the types of customizations they’ve made and visitors can…

• Photo Blogging 101, Part 1

  Erica V.

  14 May 2012 | 10:00 am

  Spring is in the air. With the weather warming up, now is a great time to get started on a photo blog. Creating a photo blog is a wonderful introduction to blogging on WordPress.com or an opportunity to refresh your current site. Ready to get started? You can sign up for a new blog right over here. Getting started Photo blogs, sometimes called phlogs, use pictures instead of words. While many photo bloggers choose a type of photo that they want to focus on, such as portraits, others use their photo blog to document their life’s events. Photo blogs come in a variety of styles, including…

• New Themes: Just Desserts and Oxygen

  Michelle Langston

  10 May 2012 | 8:11 am

  Happy Thursday! We’ve added some exciting new themes to our ever-growing collection, and we’re happy to tell you all about them. First out of the oven is…Just Desserts. Yep, that’s a theme! Designed by Andy Rutledge, Just Desserts is a deliciously stylish premium theme that’s perfect for blogs centered on food. With its responsive, single-column layout and unique presentation of images and posts on the front page, Just Desserts gives you a delectable canvas on which your mouthwatering photos and text can really shine — even when viewed on smaller mobile devices…

• Find Friends Who Use WordPress

  Nick Momrik

  1 May 2012 | 2:32 pm

  Are you curious to see how your friends are using WordPress? Give the new and improved Friend Finder a try to connect with your Twitter, Facebook, and Google contacts who have WordPress sites! After authorizing WordPress.com to use your Twitter, Facebook, or Google account to find your friends (don’t worry — none of this account information is saved!) you’ll see a list of people you know who have WordPress sites. Click Follow and each time your friend publishes a new post it will show up in your Reader under Blogs I Follow. If you have multiple blogs, make sure to set the…

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  AdoptionTalk

• Guatemala Mom to Ask U.S. Courts to Return Kidnapped Child

  16 May 2012 | 9:22 am

  ABC News reporting:A Guatemalan mother who says her child was stolen and later turned over to a U.S. couple for adoption said Tuesday that she will go to a Missouri court seeking to get her daughter back now that the U.S. State Department has said it doesn't have jurisdiction to help return the girl.The State Department confirmed Tuesday that it has informed Guatemala's government that it can't help return Anyeli Hernandez Rodriguez because the U.S. and Guatemala had not signed the Hague Abduction Convention at the time of the alleged kidnapping in 2006."We're obviously deeply concerned about…

• Native American Adoptees Seek Knowledge of Culture and Birth Mothers

  16 May 2012 | 8:29 am

  At Indian Country, an article looks at a reunion between a Native American adoptee and her birth mother, who is an adoptee herself:   This year, for the first time in a long time, Mother’s Day didn’t bring with it the painful unknowns for Jeanne Winslow and Rachel Banks Kupcho of the Leech Lake Band of Ojibwe. Jeanne and her daughter Kupcho met for the second time last October, more than 35 years after Winslow gave her newborn up for adoption. “The day I got the call was the day I knew my life had changed forever,” says Winslow. That call on a cool October day carried the…

• The One Question Not to Ask APs

  15 May 2012 | 2:16 pm

  Hmmm, there are so many!  But Forbes brings it down to just one, and since it's Forbes, you can probably guess which one:Without overstating the obvious, modern parenthood is expensive. The escalating costs of lessons of every description, enrichment classes, summer camp and orthodontia round out an unending list of ‘essentials’ that are endlessly discussed over skim lattes at Starbucks and on playgrounds all over the country. In this era of ‘TMI,’ it seems everything related to child rearing is fodder for conversation. Everything, it seems, is open for discussion except how much…

• What Adoption Has Taught Me About Parenting

  15 May 2012 | 2:01 pm

  Kristen Howerton of Rage Against the Minivan has a post at Huffington Post entitled What I Learned About Motherhood by Being an Adoptive Parent.  Stikes me as a perfect theme for a blog carnival!  I'll kick it off with a few ideas here, and ask anyone else who blogs on the topic to put a link to your post in the comments. I think the topic is broad enough for everyone to write about -- birth parents, adoptees and adoptive parents. Please spread the word, and see if we can get some interesting posts going!Boy, I could write forever on this topic, but I'm going to limit…

• Forced Adoption Practices Still Persist in U.S.

  15 May 2012 | 12:54 pm

  An article at RHReality Check looks at the recent attention to the Baby Scoop Era forced adoptions, and worries that that attention creates the impression that all those problems are in the past:I'm concerned that the conversation about forced adoption is being framed in such a way as to imply that adoption coercion is a relic from the past. I'm concerned that mothers who lost children to more recent unethical practices are discouraged from sharing their stories in order to support this conclusion. I'm concerned that women who might consider adoption now or in the future will incorrectly…

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  About.com Adoption / Foster Care

• Hero Movie Brings Out Bullies

  15 May 2012 | 8:15 pm

  When I became the Guide here on About Adoption and Foster Care, I came at the topic very one sided and with only one point of view - that of an adoptive parent. Thankfully that didn't last as I was schooled by members of the forum, where I quickly learned that the adoption community consisted of adoptees, birth parents, as well as the adoptive parents. They each had a story to tell, and each adoption story was different. I am very thankful for that education, because now I can more clearly see both sides of an adoption or foster care issue....Read Full Post

• Help Your Child Finish the School Year on a Strong Note

  14 May 2012 | 4:33 am

  Photo © Carrie Craft, licensed to About.com, Inc. As we're finishing up school here this week, and man did time fly, it's easy to want to just coast in to a summer of relaxation. But, while it may be the end of the school year, it's still important as a foster parent to help your foster child finish the year strong....Read Full Post

• Happy Mother's Day

  13 May 2012 | 3:00 am

  Getty Images / Mario Lalich I have to agree with the popular saying, "Motherhood is not for wimps." I think it goes double for foster and adoptive mothers. It takes a special person to mother and nurture a child that is not your biological child....Read Full Post

• Today Is BirthMother's Day

  12 May 2012 | 3:56 am

  It may not be well known to the rest of the world, but so some in the adoption community - today, the Saturday before Mother's Day, is Birthmother's Day. Here is a link to some poetry and other writings by birth or first mom's....Read Full Post

• Foster Parent Appreciation Month

  9 May 2012 | 3:00 am

  I just got the official invitation for our foster care agencies foster parent appreciation celebration. This year it is being held at the Tanganyika Wildlife Park. We get to tour the part, and then enjoy a late lunch and an appreciation ceremony. I have always wanted to visit this zoo, so I'm pretty excited!...Read Full Post

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  [Birth Mother,] First Mother Forum

• Utah's anti-father policies an offshoot of Mormon agenda

  Jane Edwards

  15 May 2012 | 8:32 pm

  Jane Wes Hutchins, a Utah adoption attorney wants to change Utah’s laws which allow a mother “to travel from any state to Utah and be in Utah for two or three days and then give birth to a child with the sole purpose of cutting off the right of the biological father.” David Hardy, a Utah adoption attorney affiliated with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS), asserts the laws are fine the way they are. “The Utah laws may be harsh but they are looking at what’s best for the child: stable families and two parent families, ” he told The Washington Post. Hardy’s…

• Utah adoption attorney exposes corruption in Utah adoption agencies

  Jane Edwards

  13 May 2012 | 7:13 pm

  Wes Hutchins Wes Hutchins, a Utah attorney who has done more than a thousand  adoptions, decided to follow up on an “unsettling hunch” that “the way some adoption agencies handle birth mothers …‘is an invitation for birth mothers to lie, cheat and defraud birth fathers into thinking they don’t have anything to worry about’” according to a May 9 report on Denver TV station, 9News.* "'The idea that the birth mother can travel from any state to Utah and be in Utah for two or three days and then give birth to a child and then leave the state with the sole purpose of cutting…

• Does Mother's Day make birth mothers blue? YES.

  Lorraine Dusky

  9 May 2012 | 6:15 pm

  Lorraine Mother's Day, that extra holiday from hell for many of us, is Sunday. And in some cities and places a new holiday the day before has sprung up: BIRTHmothers Day. (BTW, when is Adoptivemothers Day? We are waiting.) I've made myself pretty clear about how I feel about "birth mother * celebrations" and "birth mother" cards (nix to both, see links below) partially because they are generally the misguided concoction of adoption agencies to "give back" to the wholesale suppliers (that would be mothers) of the commodity they deal in, babies. I say this with the understanding that the…

• When your adopted child wants to visit her birth mother....

  Jane Edwards

  6 May 2012 | 5:31 pm

  Marguerite Kelly Washington Post columnist Marguerite Kelly’s advice to adoptive parents whose nine-year-old daughter wants to live with her birth parents is among the worst advice that fellow blogger Lorraine and I have read about adoption since we lost our daughters 46 years ago. At one time we thought nobody could be worse than the late Ann Landers and Dr. Laura, both staunch opponents of open records and reunions. But then along came Washington Post writer, Carolyn Hax. She published a guest opinion by a grandma who regretted that her daughter had kept her child, the writer’s…

• Deconstructing the responses to Adopted or Abducted with kudos to the Crittenton Foundation

  Lorraine Dusky

  3 May 2012 | 3:48 pm

  Lorraine, recently in DC The morning started out with a bang with the first clue in the New York Times crossword puzzle today was: 2007 Ellen Page movie. Answer: JUNO, the most irritating movie about adoption known to woman or beast. Then I moved onto trying to download the Dan Rather Report: Adopted or Abducted from iTunes for $1.99 and after giving Apple my name, my birthdate, answering security questions such as what was your first car (answer for anybody who wants to know my deep secrets, Karmann Ghia); your favorite car (MG); and where I had my least favorite job (ah! at that hash house…

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  clarkfcs.wordpress.com

• Q&A With Pam Meermans: The Truth about Child Abuse PART II

  clarkfcs

  25 Apr 2012 | 3:57 pm

  April marks Child Abuse Prevention Month. To learn more about child abuse prevention, we sat down with our own Deputy Director of Family & Children Services, Pam Meermans. Are we making progress on growing awareness for the problem of child abuse in our community? On the one hand, I think we’ve increased awareness of abuse, especially since there’s a resource like the Child Advocacy Center in the community to address it. On the other hand, getting community awareness and support is a real challenge because there’s so much stigma attached to the issue. What is it that keeps an adult…

• Q&A with FCS Deputy Director, Pam Meermans: How We Work With CAC to Prevent Child Abuse, PART I

  clarkfcs

  20 Apr 2012 | 10:44 am

  April marks Child Abuse Prevention Month. To learn more about child abuse prevention and how Family & Children Services (FCS) and the Clark County Child Advocacy Center (CAC) help fight abuse, we sat down with our own Deputy Director of Family & Children Services, Pam Meermans. How long did you serve as director of the Child Advocacy Center? I was the founding director of the Clark County Child Advocacy Center, which began in January of 2001. Wendy Holt, now director of the CAC, learned about the national model for child advocacy centers and said, “We need this in Clark County.”…

• Q&A with Wendy Holt: Fighting Child Abuse in Clark County

  clarkfcs

  10 Apr 2012 | 10:17 am

  We recently sat down with Wendy Holt, director of the Clark County Child Advocacy Center (CAC), and talked about what the CAC does and how it works with other organizations like Family & Children Services. Question: Can you share how you came to work with the Child Advocacy Center? Answer: I have been working in the child welfare field since 1989. In the 90s, I was an intake worker who investigated sexual abuse allegations. At that time, kids were being interviewed several times because each discipline needed information. I empathized for the children and their families, having to…

• Upcoming Events to Promote Child Abuse Awareness

  clarkfcs

  2 Apr 2012 | 9:38 pm

  Throughout the month of April, the Clark County Child Advocacy Center is raising awareness for the problem of child abuse by hosting a number of events for the community. We believe that preventing abuse is a shared responsibility in our community: the more you know about child abuse, the more you can and should do to help a child. April 3rd , 2012: Abuse Prevention Party for Kids in Kinship Care and Foster Care When: Hayward Middle School from 1:30-4 p.m. What: This event will be held for students over their spring break. We will have a variety of activities, including computer and…

• On-The-Rise Helps Kids in Clark County!

  clarkfcs

  21 Mar 2012 | 9:42 pm

  On-The-Rise is one of the great local nonprofit organizations we’re proud to partner with at Clark County Family & Children Services. We sat down with Deb McCollough of On-The-Rise, an eight-acre farm just outside of Springfield, Ohio, and asked her to share a little about what this program is all about. Question: Can you tell us about how On-The-Rise began? Answer: On-The-Rise serves at-risk 10-15 year-old youth in Clark County struggling with family, social, educational, and behavioral issues. My friend Cathy Tofstad and I opened On-The-Rise 10 years ago. We used to work together as…

• 

  Our Little Tongginator

• Late, a Latte and - Later - Lateritious

  16 May 2012 | 2:00 am

  Yesterday morning I about had a panic attack when I looked at the clock and saw the numbers 8:24 staring back at me.  Because I had yet to pack the Tongginator's lunch, y'all.  Goodness, I hadn't even showered nor changed out of my pajamas.  Not to mention failing to check Squirt's diaper, put on her shoes, and on and on. The bus comes at 8:37. You see my dilemma. I told the Tongginator that we - as a family - were running late.  Which is really code for Momma's running late, but whatever.  And then I ran around the house like a crazy person, trying to get ready fast…

• Random Thoughts From an Empty Head

  15 May 2012 | 2:00 am

  Because we all know I am rather empty-headed.  And random. Read more »

• How can such an Innocent-Looking Bear be so Evil?

  14 May 2012 | 2:00 am

  Last Thursday morning I attended Bible Study as I always do, and Squirt headed to the children's program.  It's the one time a week I let her out of my sight, since I can't exactly trust the rotating door of church nursery volunteers on Sunday mornings.  The ladies who watch our most precious little ones are the same faces every week, and they know our children very well. Unfortunately, they don't know all that much about Celiac and/or gluten intolerance. When I came to pick up Squirt after the Mercy Triumphs video ended, she was wailing up a storm.  The ladies told me that…

• Great Board Books for Speech-Delayed Children (and why they are so very awesome)

  11 May 2012 | 2:00 am

  A great number of children adopted internationally experience speech and language delays, and not simply because of the switch in languages.  It's quite mind-boggling to consider how many things can hinder speech and language development, including poor core strength (lack of tummy time; few gross motor opportunities); weak oral-motor strength and skills (extra-large holes in bottle nipples; bottle propping; delayed introduction of solid foods), auditory processing and social pragmatic language delays (an overall lack of stimulation), not to mention emotional influences (shyness with new…

• My Not-So-Secret Addiction

  10 May 2012 | 2:00 am

  Someone needs to save me from myself, y'all.  If you've been lurking around here for a long, long time (like - years), then you already know that I might possibly have a tiny obsession about something so cliche, it's embarrassing to admit to.  Which is why you wouldn't know about it if you haven't been a long-time reader.  Really, I hang my head in shame whenever I think of it, which is why I don't talk about it all that often. Yes, y'all, my name is Tonggu Momma, and I am addicted to... Read more »

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  Adoption Truth

• Adopted or Abducted - Time to Watch

  1 May 2012 | 11:21 am

  Tonight, Tuesday, May 1st, Dan Rather Reports will feature an investigation into adoption that is long past overdue . . .Adopted Or Abducted.It will air on HDNet at 8 p.m. Eastern time with an encore showing at 11 p.m. Eastern time.  And will be available for download on iTunes  tomorrow morning.I highly encourage everyone and anyone to watch this show.  To record it.  Download the video.  Whatever it takes.  These brave mothers deserve to have their stories heard by every single one of us.  It’s time for us to face the truth…

• What A Week

  15 Apr 2012 | 8:12 pm

  To say this week was interesting would be an understatement.I have been overwhelmed and amazed as I have watched the events unfold since I first received the email  from Circle Of Moms.  I can’t even put into words how I’m feeling now as I look back on it.  It’s impossible to do so.I’m trying to reply to all the comments left on my blog, respond to the emails and Facebook messages, the other blogs that wrote about what happened.  But, as it is taking a lot longer than I had hoped, I just want to say . . . Thank you.It feels as if I have offered those…

• Out Of The Circle

  10 Apr 2012 | 2:50 pm

  I am a mother.  I own a blog.  I write about adoption.But according to the powers that be over at  Circle Of Moms , I am not qualified to be a part of their contest for the  Top 25 Adoption Blogs by Moms .  The picture is a screen shot of the email I received from them yesterday right before my blog disappeared from the number two position on their list . . .--“Dear Cassi,I’m writing to let you know that we have unfortunately had to remove your blog from the Top 25 Adoption Blogs by Moms competition.  As described on the contest page, the Top 25…

• Coercion Not Choice

  27 Mar 2012 | 6:10 pm

  "Coercion of any kind negates choice, informed or otherwise."When just even a hint of coercion exists, there can never be true choice.  You can try to wrap it up in a pretty bow, sprinkle some sugar on it to make it sweeter, but it will never change the fact that the moment coercion enters the equation, in any way, choice leaves it.So when it comes to Domestic Infant Adoption, how can there be choice, when the adoption counseling offered to pregnant women was created for the sole purpose of coercing them into giving up their babies?According to the NCFA’s own facts, in 1951 there were…

• Change Is Good . . . I Hope

  20 Mar 2012 | 10:56 pm

  I am SO not internet savvy. I used to think I was, way back when (over a decade ago) when I created my first web page for my professional writing. But I quickly learned that I was only fooling myself and the knowledge I had was greatly lacking.I solved that problem by getting someone else much wiser than me to handle the site.But for this blog . . . I’ve always just kind of fumbled through. I try not to play with the design and/or layout too much because every time I have done so, I end up making a terrible mess that I then have to find my way out of.Which I am SO not good at doing.And I…

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  WordPress.com News

• Stay In The Conversation

  Beau Lebens

  15 May 2012 | 6:01 pm

  It’s now much easier for you and your commenters to keep track of the conversations you’re involved in across WordPress.com. Some recent tests have shown that by subscribing commenters to new comments by default, they are more likely to stay engaged and come back and comment more on your blog. With that knowledge, we’ve changed the default comment following behavior to help you get more conversations going on your blog. We made the initial changes last week and after great feedback from you we just launched an update. Here’s how it works: By default, posting a comment…

• Look at These Gorgeous Blogs

  Sheri

  15 May 2012 | 1:05 pm

  We’ve added a user showcase where you can view stunning customizations made by people just like you. From complete redesigns with CSS to adding pizzazz with Custom Fonts to clever use of options like background and header, this showcase will spark your imagination and inspire creativity. Discover details about what each showcase blog is doing with WordPress.com themes and customizations by clicking a thumbnail to see a colophon-style list of credits on the left. We’ve also updated footer links so blog owners can show off the types of customizations they’ve made and visitors can…

• Photo Blogging 101, Part 1

  Erica V.

  14 May 2012 | 10:00 am

  Spring is in the air. With the weather warming up, now is a great time to get started on a photo blog. Creating a photo blog is a wonderful introduction to blogging on WordPress.com or an opportunity to refresh your current site. Ready to get started? You can sign up for a new blog right over here. Getting started Photo blogs, sometimes called phlogs, use pictures instead of words. While many photo bloggers choose a type of photo that they want to focus on, such as portraits, others use their photo blog to document their life’s events. Photo blogs come in a variety of styles, including…

• New Themes: Just Desserts and Oxygen

  Michelle Langston

  10 May 2012 | 8:11 am

  Happy Thursday! We’ve added some exciting new themes to our ever-growing collection, and we’re happy to tell you all about them. First out of the oven is…Just Desserts. Yep, that’s a theme! Designed by Andy Rutledge, Just Desserts is a deliciously stylish premium theme that’s perfect for blogs centered on food. With its responsive, single-column layout and unique presentation of images and posts on the front page, Just Desserts gives you a delectable canvas on which your mouthwatering photos and text can really shine — even when viewed on smaller mobile devices…

• Find Friends Who Use WordPress

  Nick Momrik

  1 May 2012 | 2:32 pm

  Are you curious to see how your friends are using WordPress? Give the new and improved Friend Finder a try to connect with your Twitter, Facebook, and Google contacts who have WordPress sites! After authorizing WordPress.com to use your Twitter, Facebook, or Google account to find your friends (don’t worry — none of this account information is saved!) you’ll see a list of people you know who have WordPress sites. Click Follow and each time your friend publishes a new post it will show up in your Reader under Blogs I Follow. If you have multiple blogs, make sure to set the…

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  WordPress.com News

• Stay In The Conversation

  Beau Lebens

  15 May 2012 | 6:01 pm

  It’s now much easier for you and your commenters to keep track of the conversations you’re involved in across WordPress.com. Some recent tests have shown that by subscribing commenters to new comments by default, they are more likely to stay engaged and come back and comment more on your blog. With that knowledge, we’ve changed the default comment following behavior to help you get more conversations going on your blog. We made the initial changes last week and after great feedback from you we just launched an update. Here’s how it works: By default, posting a comment…

• Look at These Gorgeous Blogs

  Sheri

  15 May 2012 | 1:05 pm

  We’ve added a user showcase where you can view stunning customizations made by people just like you. From complete redesigns with CSS to adding pizzazz with Custom Fonts to clever use of options like background and header, this showcase will spark your imagination and inspire creativity. Discover details about what each showcase blog is doing with WordPress.com themes and customizations by clicking a thumbnail to see a colophon-style list of credits on the left. We’ve also updated footer links so blog owners can show off the types of customizations they’ve made and visitors can…

• Photo Blogging 101, Part 1

  Erica V.

  14 May 2012 | 10:00 am

  Spring is in the air. With the weather warming up, now is a great time to get started on a photo blog. Creating a photo blog is a wonderful introduction to blogging on WordPress.com or an opportunity to refresh your current site. Ready to get started? You can sign up for a new blog right over here. Getting started Photo blogs, sometimes called phlogs, use pictures instead of words. While many photo bloggers choose a type of photo that they want to focus on, such as portraits, others use their photo blog to document their life’s events. Photo blogs come in a variety of styles, including…

• New Themes: Just Desserts and Oxygen

  Michelle Langston

  10 May 2012 | 8:11 am

  Happy Thursday! We’ve added some exciting new themes to our ever-growing collection, and we’re happy to tell you all about them. First out of the oven is…Just Desserts. Yep, that’s a theme! Designed by Andy Rutledge, Just Desserts is a deliciously stylish premium theme that’s perfect for blogs centered on food. With its responsive, single-column layout and unique presentation of images and posts on the front page, Just Desserts gives you a delectable canvas on which your mouthwatering photos and text can really shine — even when viewed on smaller mobile devices…

• Find Friends Who Use WordPress

  Nick Momrik

  1 May 2012 | 2:32 pm

  Are you curious to see how your friends are using WordPress? Give the new and improved Friend Finder a try to connect with your Twitter, Facebook, and Google contacts who have WordPress sites! After authorizing WordPress.com to use your Twitter, Facebook, or Google account to find your friends (don’t worry — none of this account information is saved!) you’ll see a list of people you know who have WordPress sites. Click Follow and each time your friend publishes a new post it will show up in your Reader under Blogs I Follow. If you have multiple blogs, make sure to set the…

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  After December

• Pervasive Loss

  11 May 2012 | 6:33 pm

  If you are a parent, imagine this: you have loved and nourished your child. When your child is age 2, you are their only concept of safety, love, family, validation. They have no concept of self apart from you. And then one day, you drop them in a public place - Grand Central Station, or LAX - and walk away forever. When you walk away, so does everything your child knows of safety, love, family, validation, and self.Maybe it seems like I dwell on my abandonment too much, maybe it seems like self-pity or whining. But from my perspective, that is the moment that has defined me so completely…

• Already there

  11 Apr 2012 | 8:30 pm

  My heart tells me that a search would be the right thing to do.  Not only that, but as a biological mother I sense that a search would bring closure to not just myself, but possibly to others.  But there is something that has stopped me and for the moment, compels me to write.Several months ago, as things were ramping up with the search and my trip to Korea was in the planning phase, a colleague suggested hypnotherapy.  He had done it once and was able to recall early childhood memories with clarity.  In his words, it was like he was there.  Intrigued, I asked some…

• 25 Feb 2012 | 10:19 pm

  25 Feb 2012 | 10:19 pm

  Happiness is a curious thing. It rushes at you in overwhelming waves, then rushes away again. It is so full yet fleeting that one is left with merely the air in one's lungs, and wondering if anything was actually real or there at all. I've gotten older. I don't crave happiness. I don't need happiness to be happy. Doesn't that make no sense at all? But that is what time and wisdom bring - the ability to see past this world's shellacking into one's own truth. I don't know yet what happiness really is or even what it's worth, but I can now sense that it exists in the absence of emotion. It does…

• On the Loss of Her History, or An Ode to White Mythmaking

  21 Jan 2012 | 9:07 am

  On the Loss of Her History, or An Ode to White MythmakingWritten by friend and poet, Tel McGahaWhat I meant to say over Christmas supper when I saidwhites should not save little Asian babies, is this:Somewhere in the city a woman felt a pang of painand knew her daughter was giving birth whilewithdrawing funds from Shinhan Bank so she mightvacation with her children in Daegu, if she were not deadfrom the invented stones you layered in her pockets beforeleaping from the Busan Bridge, all for honorso she might come speechless to us and stolen from her mouth),across the sea in the arms of a nanny…

• Why I search

  13 Jan 2012 | 2:57 pm

  In the past six months, I have gotten a little more serious about my birth family search.  I wouldn't call it quite active, but the door is open for me to travel to Korea to appear on the KBS show "I Miss that Person," and I have built enough of a network that I feel I could pull off a somewhat diligent search when my personal resources allow.  In honesty, I can't say I have any hope that a search would be fruitful.  Nor am I sure I'd be fully prepared for the consequences of a successful search - but when can one really be ready? The question I've fielded from a number of…

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  The Declassified Adoptee

• Things That Make me Silly Happy (Besides Being Done Painting the Ceiling)

  Amanda

  15 May 2012 | 1:42 pm

  I finally, finally, finally repainted my kitchen and mudroom from my-kids-flung-spaghetti-here-blue to a scrubbable apple green.  I even got on a ladder and painted the ceilings a lighter shade of green (it looks white in the pictures).  I moved around some decor and also switched the living room and dining room as well as organized some things.  Friends and family had asked me to post the pictures on Facebook because a lot of my loved ones do not live within easy visiting distance, so I did.  I was tickled by the comments I got from my original family for probably what…

• Why I Found "The Avengers" Line Offensive

  Amanda

  14 May 2012 | 9:37 am

  I wasn't going to blog on The Avenger's comment "he's adopted" because I felt like Triona did an awesome job and would rather just link to her.  However, after seeing this issue covered on MSNBC where I also read the countless comments in response, some rather overblown and cruel to those who disliked the joke (there's nothing like calling a group of people "too sensitive" while hurling unbelievable insults at them in the same paragraph--irony much?)--I realize that it's good to keep blogging about this issue so that people understand, like Kevin did today--no matter which side…

• Nature vs. Nurture & What my Connection to my Mothers Looks Like

  Amanda

  12 May 2012 | 11:00 pm

  Yes I drew it.  Yes, this is what it looks like in my brain. No, I didn't forget to draw it in a triangle.The topic of nature, nurture, and "which family do you like best" came up twice for me this week and ironically, nearly at the same time.  On the interwebs, I somehow ended up engaged in a brief post-back-and-forth with someone who criticized an adoptive parent for the level of involvement their child's original mother had in the adoptee's life wondering how there could be two mothers at once.  Simultaneously (in "real life") I was having a conversation with my adoptive…

• Celebrating Holidays as an Adoptee: What to Buy and Why?

  Amanda

  12 May 2012 | 10:34 am

  Someone suggested to me in an email they would like to hear about how I go about choosing gifts for my mothers on holidays such as Mother's Day.  Is it hard?  Do I get each mother the same thing?  What do I do about finding cards?  How do you budget when you have lots of family members to buy things for on holidays and want to get them each something but can't?  These are all things I have to ask myself each holiday and, of course, there's the extra-adopteeness of worrying one gift will be better than another and make one mother or the other feel under…

• Open Adoption Roundtable #38: A Letter to my Foster Mother

  Amanda

  11 May 2012 | 7:23 pm

  Giving birth to my firstborn opened up a floodgate of emotions for me that I never knew I had or never consciously allowed to surface, rather.  Had she held me?  Did she feel a bond with me like I felt for my baby?  Does she think about me?  Holding the first biological relative I had ever known in my arms brought me to a place where I just couldn't give myself another answer to the question I would occasionally ask myself "why not search for her?"  I had a million and one answers before: "it would probably hurt my parents," "she probably doesn't want to know me," "no…

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  Unofficial Mom

• The one where I no longer have a good attitude

  11 May 2012 | 9:33 am

  This sucks. Straight up. I went to the doctor yesterday and was told it will be at least another two months before corrective actions can be taken for my vision. TWO EFFING MONTHS. Two @#%&*) months.And that's not for sure. It's just the next time they think it's worth checking. I'm officially pissed.I think that's about all I've got for the moment...at least all that's fit to publish.

• When it rains it pours

  4 May 2012 | 8:16 am

  ...and sometimes you have to say forget the rain and jump in muddy puddles.Non-update update - nothing new to report, but I have another appointment with a new doctor next Thursday so fingers crossed something will come from that.

• An update and an anniversary

  5 Apr 2012 | 10:20 am

  First of all let me just say thank you for all the sweet comments and support. You guys are the best. Seriously.The latest news is no news. Everything is the same. I go back to the doctor next Wednesday to see where we are, which I'm hoping is somewhere that involves being functional again. For those of you asking, yes the Topomax caused my vision loss in an extremely rare side effect. And yes the damage is permanent. My life from now on is legally blind. Good times. I'll try to update again next week after we see the doctor. Keep your fingers crossed that things have settled down enough…

• I'm Still Alive...Mostly

  19 Mar 2012 | 11:08 am

  Hi All...I've been missing you and wanted to take a few minutes to explain where in the french toast I've been... Recently, I started a new medication for migraines called Topamax. I started with a low dosage and then gradually began increasing the amount. I began to have some problems with my vision, but wasn’t too concerned because I was also fighting a sinus infection and just chalked it up to being sick and taking lots of medications. The next morning, however, things were very bad. I could only see a few inches in front of my face, everything else was just shapes and colors. So…

• Finals Week

  27 Feb 2012 | 8:57 am

  This week is going to be nutty. I have about a thousand things to do, projects to finish, papers to write...you know all that fun school stuff. So I have no idea how much I'll be around.In the mean time:Send good thoughts to my friend Lisa who is dealing with a terrible family situation.And send good thoughts to my friend Emily who is adding to her family this week...today even...with the arrival of baby Annie.Talk about opposite ends of the spectrum. But I know I'm sending my love to both families. And so is she...

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  Real Daughter

• Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh.

  Real Daughter

  19 Apr 2012 | 1:38 pm

  So after everything settled down and we thought “most” everyone learned to live in peace and harmony in adoptoblogworld (well, everyone ‘cept the Jankster) another a Mom with a large following decided to work out her “rage” at the contest cancellation on adoptees. LOLLERS. Once again, the tired and untrue accusations were hurled at adoptees. [...]

• What is real

  Real Daughter

  14 Apr 2012 | 1:33 pm

  We often see adoptive Mothers go into a feeding frenzy when someone asks them if they are their child’s “real” Mother. I can only guess that it re-opens the not completely healed wounds from infertility (if that was why they adopted) or that they think society thinks less of them as a Mother because they [...]

• Circle of Morons

  Real Daughter

  12 Apr 2012 | 9:40 pm

  By now just about everyone in adoptoblogworld has heard about the joke of a contest over at “Circle of Moms”. It all started with this email to Cassi, letting her know her blog, Adoption Truth, was disqualified: Many, many people contacted the COM “team” to let them know how insane this decision was. Many people [...]

• Lying

  Real Daughter

  9 Mar 2012 | 12:46 pm

  There have been many studies, articles and personal accounts from adoptees about the nasty little habit of lying. Google it, Im not lying. It’s a rather common trait of adoptees when they are younger. I was a fabulous liar when I was a kid. Sometimes the lies were big, but many times they were little, just [...]

• Guest Post by Yoon Seo Kim, Part 1: "As I enter the room I look to the right and see a woman stumbling towards me. Her face crumples in anguish. We embrace. Time stops. Suddenly I have this repulsive urge to pull away, as shock threatens my ability to remain standing."

  Real Daughter

  7 Mar 2012 | 2:23 pm

  Reblogged from Land of Gazillion Adoptees: Yoon Seo Kim is a luxury real estate agent in San Diego California specializing in high profile and high net worth clients.  Her articles have been published nationwide in over 358 newspapers, online news services, magazines, television stations and radio stations.  Most notably the Wallstreet Journal Marketwatch, The Boston Globe, [...]

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  NYC Single Mom | Parenting Tales from NYC :The Good, The Bad and The Funny

• Celebrity Week – Wordless Wednesday LINKY

  NYCSingleMom

  15 May 2012 | 9:04 am

  This week, I had the pleasure of attending a Pampers (my favorite diaper choice when my daughter was a baby) event at Kidville.   Pampers   has partnered with two-time Olympic Games Gold Medalist and... [[ This is a content summary only. Visit my website for full links, other content, and more! ]]

• Encouraging Your Child’s Passion

  NYCSingleMom

  15 May 2012 | 4:25 am

  Years ago, the late Steve Jobs gave a commencement speech “You Have to Find What You Love,” which without a doubt is one of the most inspirational speeches you will ever hear. I thought... [[ This is a content summary only. Visit my website for full links, other content, and more! ]]

• Squinkies Marvel Universe Giveaway

  NYCSingleMom

  14 May 2012 | 4:49 am

  Blip Squinkies Marvel Universe (Series 1) features 12  characters (including Thor, Captain America, and Ironman from the Avengers) from Marvel Universe. Squinkies are squishy, squashy 1″... [[ This is a content summary only. Visit my website for full links, other content, and more! ]]

• The Lion King Diamond Edition Blu-Ray/DVD Giveaway

  NYCSingleMom

  11 May 2012 | 1:27 pm

  The Lion King Diamond Edition Blu-Ray/DVD – The Lion King is one of the most popular movies in the last twenty years and will continue to delight kids of all ages for many years to come.... [[ This is a content summary only. Visit my website for full links, other content, and more! ]]

• Miami Inspired Spring Looks at Children’s Place

  NYCSingleMom

  11 May 2012 | 5:59 am

  On a recent visit to my local Children’s Place, viewing  the 2012 Spring Line for girl’s reminded me of a summer in Miami. Filled with  lots of pinks, ocean blue and  turquoise was... [[ This is a content summary only. Visit my website for full links, other content, and more! ]]

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  One Thankful Mom | Lisa Qualls

• My Learning Curve: No Farmers Market for my Sensory Boy

  Lisa Qualls

  14 May 2012 | 12:21 pm

    Most days I am home with my three youngest and Eby spends much of his time playing outdoors.  With his Sensory Processing issues, he needs plenty of room to move, lots of stimulation, and not too many people.  The downside of being one of the youngest is that Eby and Little Man don’t get [...]

• They May be Dandelions…

  Lisa Qualls

  10 May 2012 | 4:58 pm

  They may be dandelions, but they are a gift from my Eby and I couldn’t love them more. The day is beautiful and we are heading out to Ladybug’s track meet in a few minutes. Ladybug runs for the local public school and today she’ll compete against her friends who attend Honeybee and Dimples’ Christian [...]

• Looming Deadlines

  Lisa Qualls

  9 May 2012 | 4:27 pm

  The days are flying by and propelling us toward the end of the school year, both at home with my homeschoolers and at school for Honeybee and Dimples.  They will all be done two weeks from today. My days are full of lists with the most urgent listed at the top, complete with little stars [...]

• Helloooooo

  Lisa Qualls

  4 May 2012 | 11:53 pm

  Hello friends!  I really have not fallen off the face of the earth.  Honeybee and I are on our way home from New York where we were guest speakers at an amazing event for the foundation that gave us a large grant for Honeybee’s adoption.  Our days have been full and there has not been [...]

• Mimi Breaks the Block

  Lisa Qualls

  28 Apr 2012 | 12:16 pm

  While I am may be the blogger of the family, the real writers are some of my children.  Mimi, in particular, is loaded with talent, and her husband is equally gifted.  While Andrew has been busy pounding out his first novel, Mimi has been paralyzed by a serious bout of writer’s block.  As a mom, it’s [...]

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  Rage Against the Minivan

• my kids are going to change the world. with war and chicken nuggets.

  14 May 2012 | 6:28 am

  I mentioned last week that we’ve been reading questions from the Table Topics Family Cube each night at dinner. It’s provided us with some interesting perspective on our kids. Some of it is not so flattering. (Like, for example, when Jafta answered the question about whether or not he would go to school if he didn’t have to, and he replied that he would stay home and watch video games every day).  Tonight’s question brought us to a new low.  The question: If you could make one change in this world, what would it be? Perhaps I’ve watched a few too many Miss America…

• that’s what she said: mother’s day edition

  13 May 2012 | 7:26 pm

  Why I Hate Mother’s Day | Anne Lammott I hate the way the holiday makes all non-mothers, and the daughters of dead mothers, and the mothers of dead or severely damaged children, feel the deepest kind of grief and failure. The non-mothers must sit in their churches, temples, mosques, recovery rooms and pretend to feel good about the day while they are excluded from a holiday that benefits no one but Hallmark and See’s. There is no refuge — not at the horse races, movies, malls, museums. Even the turn-off-your-cellphone announcer is going to open by saying, “Happy Mother’s Day!” You…

• what I learned about motherhood by being an adoptive parent

  12 May 2012 | 11:13 pm

  I wrote a guest post for the Huffington Post this weekend.  They are doing a Mother’s Day series, and asked me to write about what I’ve learned by being an adoptive mom.  Here’s an excerpt: My family has been formed in many ways. My first child was adopted from the foster-care system as an infant. My second two children came the old-fashioned way. My last child was adopted at nearly 4 years old from an orphanage in Haiti.  I've been blessed to experience the beauty of childbirth, as well as the joy of meeting an adopted child for the first time.  Each experience was…

• where is the mommy-war for the motherless child?

  11 May 2012 | 12:57 am

  If you watch the trends of media, whether it be print, internet, or tv, you’ve probably noticed that every couple of months there is a new version of the “mommy war” being played out.  Last month’s battle du jour was surrounding moms who work vs. moms who stay at home. Today, a firestorm has ignited over a provocative photo and article in Time magazine about extended breastfeeding and attachment parenting.  These manufactured mommy wars are predictable because they tend to provoke strong reactions from mothers who feel judged, as well as mothers who want to feel superior for…

• what I want you to know: coping with miscarriage

  9 May 2012 | 10:49 pm

  What I Want You to Know is a series of reader submissions. It is an attempt to allow people to tell their personal stories, in the hopes of bringing greater compassion to the unique issues each of us face. If you would like to submit a story to this series, click here. Today’s post is by Melody. For nine short weeks, a tiny thread drew my focus into the future. A tiny life connected the thread to me and extended it beyond my view, beyond my lifetime. From the moment I became aware, every future day changed in my eyes because each of those days now contained another life; a little girl, I…

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  Adopt Without Debt

• Welcome Dave Ramsey Fans

  jgumm

  10 May 2012 | 12:55 am

  If you’re coming after hearing the segment on The Dave Ramsey Show – Welcome! My interview with Dave was originally recorded and aired last June. It was a thrill for me as Dave’s teachings have made such a huge impact on our family. If you want to hear more of our story, here’s some posts that are a great start: How We Paid For Our Adoption Our Debt Free Story Our Adoption Timeline The last two links are over on our family blog. If you want to get more detail on our adoption, and have several hours, you can read the 95 posts under “Adoption Process” in the…

• Dave Ramsey, Take 2

  jgumm

  7 May 2012 | 5:25 pm

  Got an email this morning from the awesome folks at The Dave Ramsey Show. It seems that while Dave is hanging out 90 minutes from me in Tucson, (for his EntreLeadership seminar) they are re-airing some old shows. The interview I originally did with Dave last June will re-air this Thursday! Yay! If you listen live online it will air at 1:15CT but it could vary on your local station. Of course, you can just listen to the clip here too.

• Living on Less Than $28,000/year

  jgumm

  30 Apr 2012 | 1:29 am

  If you’re looking to trim household expenses so you can save more for your adoption, check out this blog series I found called “Living on Less Than $28,000 a Year“. Let me know what you think of her ideas.

• Bring the workshop to the southeast

  jgumm

  27 Apr 2012 | 1:22 pm

  This fall I’m going to be speaking in the Atlanta area, then traveling to Nashville, and I have a few dates to fill if you know anyone that might be interested in booking an Adopt Without Debt Workshop. Because I’m already in the area, your organization (church orphan ministry, adoption agency, non-profit) can save money since there will be minimal travel expenses. These are the dates currently available. (If it says driving distance, that means around 3 hours.) Sept 13th (in Atlanta only) Sept 16-18 (Atlanta or within driving distance) Sept 19-20 (Nashville area – or…

• CoupAide partners with Restaurant.com to help adoptive families

  jgumm

  16 Apr 2012 | 1:00 am

  I got an email a couple weeks ago from the founder of a unique new fundraising opportunity. Well, it’s a unique spin on a deal you may already know about. Many of you are probably familiar with the Restaurant.com deals where you buy a $20 gift certificate and it’s worth double or more at their list of restaurants. CoupAide has partnered with Restaurant.com to provide a simple and efficient fundraising platform while giving your friends & family a way to save a ton on some of the best restaurants in their town. If you’re an adopting family, CoupAide has a FANTASTIC…

• 

  Julie Gumm

• The last piece of adoption paper

  jgumm

  15 May 2012 | 1:13 pm

  4.5 years ago we started the adoption process. 3.5 years ago the kids came home. 2.5 years ago we re-adopted them (an AZ requirement) and they officially became citizens. Today we finally have the paper to prove it. Two “Certificate of Citizenship” papers – otherwise known as the most expensive piece of paper EVER. $550 each – just to prove they are citizens should some future employer or government agent ever demand it. That’s it, the last piece of adoption paperwork. I think.

• Yes, tables can steal your heart

  jgumm

  14 May 2012 | 10:19 pm

  Not many people would look at this and see its future self… But it had good lines. And the uglier it is, the cheaper it is, right. There were about 3 coats of paint on it but after a lot of work it began to look like this… And now it looks like this… It’s a good thing that “shabby chic” isn’t really my decor style in the house or I’d totally keep this. But alas, it is for sale. On to the next project. (If you’re in the market for a black kitchen table with 4 arm chairs (all solid maple), stay tuned.

• Beza’s Thoughts on Me

  jgumm

  13 May 2012 | 12:00 am

  Friday I attended the now-annual 4th grade Mother’s Day Tea. (I missed it when the boys were in 4th grade which is a whole ‘nother story in itself.) The kids put a lot of work into the day. Upon arrival we had to play “How Well Do You Know Your Child”. Each student had answered 8 questions – favorite color, movie, food, etc. We had to write our child’s name on the one we thought was theirs. Can I just say that’s a lot of added pressure for an adoptive mom. I knew I was going to be in BIG trouble if I screwed this up. I narrowed it down to the 4 cards…

• Table set done…and sold

  juliegumm

  19 Apr 2012 | 1:00 am

  After the little blue chalkboard table, I’ve had several projects going in the garage. My parents got my not-so-subtle hint about a paint sprayer for my birthday – via an email w/ a link to the Amazon page and so I was waiting on that for a bit. I finished some little things while I waited, but when it came I got to work on these… Those nasty gold seats had 3 layers of fabric on them. A thousand staples later and all four seats were re-upholstered. (Really, redoing chairs like this is SUPER simple – all you need is a staple gun.) Paint, distressing, wax and the set…

• Patience pays…the story of the couch

  juliegumm

  18 Apr 2012 | 12:01 am

  I have been wanting a new couch and loveseat for our living room for at least a year. I didn’t think this was an unreasonable desire as the current set was 17 years old. It spent the first 4 years of it’s life looking like this. What can I say, it was my “country” decor phase – lots of mauve and blue. It is a beautiful set and exactly what I had wanted as a 22 year old fresh-out-of-college and still pretty newly married. Mark’s parents even paid for half of the set (there’s a loveseat too) as a housewarming present for our first house. It spent 4…

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  Lost Daughters

• The Once Silent, Now Activist Adoptee

  Susan P.

  14 May 2012 | 2:54 pm

  by Susan PerryI am happy and honored that Amanda has asked me to write for Lost Daughters.  I started my blog Family Ties in April because I have a lot to say about adoption, and it's hard to interest the media in those adoption stories that fall outside of the human interest realm.  I've been working with NJCARE for over ten years now, trying to convince legislators to pass an Adoptee Rights Bill.  Last year, we came close.  Both the Assembly and Senate had approved an acceptable bill, but Gov. Chris Christie conditionally vetoed it, opting instead for an unworkable…

• Not who I thought I was

  Carlynne Hershberger, CPSA

  10 May 2012 | 12:30 pm

  When Amanda asked me if I'd like to contribute to Lost Daughters my first thought was "but I have my other blog that I do as a natural mother". Then I thought, maybe I really should think more about my position as an adoptee. My focus so far has been my role as a natural mother of adoption loss but there is this other side to me. Well, maybe I should explain a little about my history.When I was 19 and in art school, I became pregnant. By the time I found out, my boyfriend had graduated and had moved on. He moved back to his home state. He knew nothing of the pregnancy and I had no way to find…

• Daughter To...

  Jenn

  9 May 2012 | 12:05 pm

  Question: We're all lost daughters. Who do you consider yourself a daughter to?I'm a lost daughter.  I'm a found daughter.  I'm a searching daughter.  I'm a care-giving daughter.  I wear many hats as a daughter and I wear different hats to different people.I'm a daughter to my first parents.  They may not always view it that way (and I can't blame them for wanting some sort of mental separation from such a painful subject as a daughter growing up without them) but in my eyes, I'm their daughter.  We share DNA, we share personality traits, and my first…

• When Adoption = All Hope is Lost

  Amanda

  6 May 2012 | 3:49 pm

  I was sitting at a lovely tea today organized by one of my friends.  It really was a nice time.  I don't normally enjoy tea sandwiches all that much but I found myself all but hiding a few away in my purse to take home with me.  So there I sat.  The lovely woman on the right of me asks the lovely woman on the left of me if she has any children. "Yes, I have two." the woman replied.  "It took me a very long time to conceive my first.  I had considered adoption but then I got pregnant.  He was my surprise baby.  Then I had a…

• Why I Need Feminism

  Amanda

  14 Apr 2012 | 4:18 pm

  How awesome is this page?  Go add your own!Why do you need feminism?

• 

  One Inch of Grace

• Mother’s Day #3

  shannon2818

  13 May 2012 | 10:00 am

  This is my third mother’s day and in honor of the occasion, I had planned a tirade on my feelings about the “holiday.” Instead, I’d just like to share some links to a few posts that express my opinions perfectly. Please share your mother’s day thoughts in the comments. It’s Not that Serious: My Anti-Mother’s Day Manifesto Scary Mommy: Taking Mother’s Day Back Dr. Abby and Rev. Carol’s Place: I Have a Problem with Mother’s Day I am Minivan: Happy Mother’s Day Disclaimer: This is not meant as a reflection of my relationship with…

• 32 years

  shannon2818

  10 May 2012 | 4:00 pm

  I recently had my 32nd birthday, and in honor of the occasion, BE made me this card. (The last line says: “and yours is today.” The drawing is the Eiffel Tower – BE knows I love Paris).

• Priceless

  shannon2818

  7 May 2012 | 5:00 pm

  I was at the grocery store with BC the other day and the cashier gave him one of those “paid” stickers. The ones that you put on gallons of milk to show that they were paid for. The cashier, trying to be funny, told BC that the sticker would show that I bought him. In the car, he asked if I really bought him. I told him that he couldn’t be bought because he was worth more than all the money in the world. I’m sure that he didn’t understand what I was trying to say, but he smiled, so that made me feel good.

• A funny typo

  shannon2818

  4 May 2012 | 3:30 pm

  At my day job, I’m a writer, and a group of us writers often e-mail each other when we come across a funny typo. Now, I have one that I want to share with you. For the past few weeks, BE has been pretending to be a teacher, saying that she’s practicing for when she gets older. Sometimes, she recruits BC to be her student and teaches him math. This typo I’d like to share is courtesy of BE and her math lessons. I don’t think I have to explain the asterisks – clearly without them, this image would be offensive. But that’s half the humor. It’s amusing…

• I’ve been tagged

  shannon2818

  2 May 2012 | 9:15 pm

  Kate at Help4YourFamily tagged me in a post in which she’s asked 11 bloggers to respond to one or more questions in a list. Instead of tagging my own list of bloggers, I’ll just ask anyone who’s interested to respond to one or more questions in the comments section, or on their own blog. If you decide to respond on your blog, please link back here. Here are the questions: 1. What advice would you give to new parents? 2. How is your life different than you imagined it would be 10 years ago? 3. Have you ever had a good lesson that came in strange wrapping paper? 4. What is…

• 

  Transracialeyes

• The glitch in the adoption matrix.

  Daniel Ibn Zayd

  6 May 2012 | 2:28 pm

  The movie “The Avengers” apparently contains an adoption reference that is typical in terms of the “evil adoptee” trope within American culture. While many find offense here, I have to say I am relieved. It reveals a Truth, after all, that adoptees are not considered as valid as biological children, and that this “2nd-class” option requires much in the way of mythologizing. When it is stated plainly, I respect that. I’m curious to hear from the other adoptees for any cultural references they recall which opened their eyes to the reality of their…

• Do Korean adoptions ever fail?

  Daniel Ibn Zayd

  29 Apr 2012 | 3:41 am

  This was in the search phrase list today. This comes on the heels of a post over at The Adopted Ones, as well as our own item on search phrases. Add to this the list of so-called “disrupted adoptions”, and their celebration (yes, celebration) in the mainstream media. I want to expand on this, and get the opinion of adoptees here. What does this question reveal, especially in terms of it never being asked/stated about biological children (“Oh, him? He’s a failed biological child.”)? Why should we not be able to ask the question in reverse: “They are failures…

• The Fallout of Transracial Adoption.

  4gottenadoptee

  28 Apr 2012 | 1:25 am

  I have to be very careful in what I write and say in public now. Why, simply, the consequences of being transracially adopted, in my personal opinion. Mustn’t forget that everything that I say, do, write and even think has to be qualified with “It’s my personal opinion”. I’m in the middle of making an independent documentary about how transracial adoption has impacted my life, my identity and what it means to be British-Chinese. I’d also been asked to participate in an online project Between East and West. About two days ago I got a very strange email.

• Advice for those who return.

  Daniel Ibn Zayd

  21 Apr 2012 | 1:17 pm

  Fellow adoptees: What advice do you have [in terms of language learning, culture shock, etc.] for those who decide to go back for a visit, travel back for an extended stay, or make the decision to definitively return to their place of birth?

• What can I do to give [this child] the best life?

  Daniel Ibn Zayd

  18 Apr 2012 | 2:20 pm

  I randomly came across your blog tonight and can’t stop reading. I am a white adoptive mom to my African-American three-year-old daughter. I already feel some ridicule just by saying that and in a crazy way feel I need to give you a synopsis to justify her adoption but am trying to just stick to the point. Since her first days in our family, I have cried over, prayed over, and worried over the issue of race/ethnicity and wondered if this was the right thing for her. At the time of her adoption, she had no family willing to raise her and we were the only family on the foster…

• 

  Unsigned Masterpiece

• Mothers Day

  Unsigned Masterpiece

  13 May 2012 | 5:44 pm

  When I was pregnant with my son, pretty much alone and terrified, one of the last entries in my diary was noting that it was Mother’s Day. I notice i often stop writing when things are really troubling me. I think that Mother’s Day when as far as the rest of the world was concerned I was not worthy to be a mother was pretty much the worst one I have ever spent. It was a long way to December when my son was born. To be alone is a terrible thing. To be given the message that you are not worthy is a terrible and sad thing. It is also a lie. Everyone is worthy. I was worthy. More than…

• De-constructing Adoption: Dan Rather Reports

  Unsigned Masterpiece

  1 May 2012 | 11:25 am

  UM There is an excellent post at The Declassified Adoptee about reacting to the Dan Rather Reports that  I discussed in UM’s last post. There are many aspects to adoption.  People need to separate them out.  There is the personal experience of adoption but there is also the institutional experience.  While the personal experience may have been positive for some people; the institutional experience for many was not.   There was no due process.  A person’s interests would have been protected more if they were mortgaging a property.  But, of course, there was no perceived…

• Dan Rather Reports: Adoption or Abduction!

  Unsigned Masterpiece

  27 Apr 2012 | 12:18 pm

  UM Dan Rather will be reporting on adoption practices in the 60′s. Slowly it is all starting to come out in Canada and the U.S. What happened to many of us and our children wasn’t right. There have been some articles in Canada.  Most recently in the National Post . When will other Canadian media start looking into these claims? Where is W5 or The Fifth Estate? Here’s the Dan Rather Reports trailer. UM Filed under: Adoption, adoption agencies, Coerced Adoption, informed consent and adoption Tagged: adoption, adoption agencies, adoption workers, Dan Rather Reports, motherhood

• Adoption Truth Part II

  Unsigned Masterpiece

  18 Apr 2012 | 3:10 am

  UM The offending contest over at Circle of Moms was closed down. This appeared on the website: After serious consideration, we have decided to cancel our Adoption Blogs by Moms – 2012 contest. Our Top 25 program is meant to celebrate, connect, and support mom bloggers. Following some feedback from participants in our 2011 contest, we decided to make this year’s Top 25 more inclusive. In doing so, we unknowingly stepped into a very sensitive issue and debate, and we apologize to all the moms who have been offended, no matter what your position on adoption is. We’re committed to finding a…

• Adoption Truth?

  Unsigned Masterpiece

  12 Apr 2012 | 11:33 am

  UM Read what happened to one mother of the adopted blogger over at Circle of Moms.  And people like to think that things have changed.  I don’t think so.  Certain factions want to control the narrative and the voices. Sorry people, too late.  The internet put an end to that. It just occurred to me as I was googling the URL for C of M’s:  There’s nothing like a little controversy to increase hits on your website.  I hope I am wrong about that but – I’m just sayin’.  Check out what happened.  Here’s the link.     Adoption Truth Peace UM Filed…

• 

  Together for Adoption

• Registration for T4A Atlanta is NOW OPEN!

  Dan Cruver

  9 May 2012 | 12:10 pm

  Join us September 14-15 in Atlanta. Visit our conference pages for more information.Register here!

• 700 Miles in 7 Days for 1 Adoption

  Dan Cruver

  9 May 2012 | 12:03 pm

  Kaleb Scharmahorn, my friend and Together for Adoption’s worship leader, is in the middle of cycling 700 miles in 7 days for his family’s adoption. The effort he put in to train for this ride was no small thing. Check out his blog to “follow” him on his journey this week.

• Is it orphan to son or slave to son?

  Dan Cruver

  8 May 2012 | 9:08 am

  “We were once orphans but God has adopted us. We are now his children.”“God adopted us when we were orphans and without hope and home.”“We are no longer orphans! God the Father has adopted us into His family!”I would guess that most of us have said some variation of the above statements at one time or another. Each of them communicate something of the beauty and wonder of the Gospel. They declare heart-winning truth to us! When we were destitute and without hope and home, God came to us in the Person of His Son to bring us into His love. That is…

• Registration for NatCon 2012 Atlanta Opens Soon!

  Dan Cruver

  7 May 2012 | 10:02 am

  Registration for our September 14-15 national conference in Atlanta opens soon. Stay tuned!

• Adopted, by J. Miles and Barabbas

  Dennae Pierre

  26 Apr 2012 | 7:04 pm

  Phoenix has some great Christian hip-hop artists and I feel especially honored to be able to fellowship with the guys at iSix:5.  I love their heart for the hip hop community and their love for sound Biblical teaching…add in their talent and it makes for a great combination.J. Miles, an artist on iSix:5, has a new album out (Slave Trade)  and there is an incredible song called “Adopted” featuring Barabbas Da Rebel, and J Paul.  I am confident you will love this song and want to listen to it several times in a row so you can soak up every word (regardless of your interest in…

• 

  You're My Second Mama, Aren't You

• From the Loving Voice of a Child

  Jane

  11 May 2012 | 12:23 pm

  On this Mother’s Day, I wanted to share with you two poems my daughter wrote when she was 12 years old. The first poem is about me, her adoptive mother.  The second poem is about her birth mother. Please enjoy both of them, and the loving voice of this young child. Jane Ballback _______________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________ To see more about Mother’s Day click here:  The Adoption Voices Magazine Also don’t miss the end of Whitney’s incredible story!

• You Need Me To Do What?

  Jane

  3 May 2012 | 10:24 pm

  There were times when Holt International Children’s Services had so many eager adoptive parents and they were bringing so many children to America, that finding people to escort them across the ocean was a big challenge.  Often times, the children were escorted by airline employees who volunteered to do this on days off, military personnel, or anyone else who was game to babysit for the many interim hours between destinations. I volunteered in January of 1987 to drive to LAX to babysit the children who were waiting in the airport a few hours before they were re-boarded on planes to…

• The Tube is Mightier than the Registry

  Jane

  26 Apr 2012 | 10:37 pm

  Korean Reality Seekers — The Tube is Mightier than the Registry I have been blogging about past experiences my immediate family and I encountered as we adopted our children from Korea.  Thousands of Korean children have been adopted by U.S. citizens since the 1950s. Now, many of these adopted children are adults and a number of these adults are trying to find their birth families in Korea. If you have been following Whitney Casey’s story in Adoption Voices Magazine, you will know that she has recently reunited with her entire Korean family. As she and I were discussing her experiences,…

• The Concept of Shame

  Jane

  19 Apr 2012 | 11:10 pm

  There has been a great deal of attention lately, all around the world, about the plight of birth mothers and how badly treated they are in most cultures and countries.  For some people it is impossible to imagine that mothers relinquish their children — but they always have, and probably always will, for many reasons.  No matter what the circumstances that surrounded a birth mothers decision to relinquish her child, shame often plays some part in that decision.  Sometimes the prevailing culture shames these women, and sometimes their families feel shame as well.  It is sad, but often…

• Who Is Loretta Young and Why Does It Matter?

  Jane

  12 Apr 2012 | 9:40 pm

  I was thinking that I’ve never answered the question “How did we come to adopt Korean children?” A question I’ve been asked many times. Before I give you the logic of it all, let me tell you about a memory I have from childhood.  It so interesting to me…how we remember things that are seemingly unimportant at the time…but later have great meaning. You will need to be as old as I am to remember a TV show in the 1950s called The Loretta Young Show.  Loretta Young was a movie star in the 1930s and 40s, and moved on to the 50s TV program that aired in the afternoon right…

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  Cheese Curds and Kimchi-Our international adoption story

• One year: Our first Forever Family Day

  9 May 2012 | 8:45 pm

  They handed him to us. He was dressed in a tiny blue pantsuit with shoes several sizes too big. His foster mother's eyes were red-rimmed from crying but she didn't let a tear fall in front of him. His foster father said his wishes for him were that he'd be a good, kind person who cared about others. I started to sob as the social worker told us it was time to go. We stepped into the tiny silver elevator, the doors closing while his foster parents waved goodbye. We were all shocked, not sure what had really just happened. His eyes were big during the cab ride. He sat quietly in my lap and…

• Adoption Day, Single Mothers' Day in Korea

  8 May 2012 | 8:52 am

  As usual, not much time to write. But wanted to share this link to a great story about a new holiday in Korea that is aimed at bringing awareness to adoption and adoption issues. A Day For Forgotten Moms of Korean Adoptees

• Anniversary time-One year ago in our adoption journey

  1 May 2012 | 9:15 am

  Saturday officially started it for us--the one year mark since this whole journey began. One year ago on Saturday, we go the long-awaited phone call that our son was ready to travel. The Man took the phone call from our social worker, and I wish I could remember just what he said when he called to relay the information to me. I can't remember the conversation at all! I just remember the feeling of being completely in love with life at that moment. The lighter-than-air feeling of anticipation in finally meeting Little Man and beginning our lives together. And the joy that I would be sharing…

• Tips for Adoptive Families Traveling to Korea--Flying with baby

  23 Apr 2012 | 11:25 am

  AIRLINES THE TRIP. For most adoptive families, this is the part that we've simultaneously looked forward to and dreaded. Our flight was 14 hours. I considered it my labor. Some women have horror stories in the delivery room. I was prepared for a horror story at 40,000-feet. Fortunately, it wasn't that bad. We flew Korean Air and I highly recommend it. The flight attendants were amazing, the food was great and we were comfortable. On the return flight, they also were very helpful with Little Man, offering to hold him, bringing him treats, and giving us a special bag of helpful items (box of…

• Your Children Want You (or, Quit Trying To Be A Super Mom Because That's Not What Your Kids Want)

  16 Apr 2012 | 10:04 am

  Found a few really sweet posts and just wanted to share them with you. Posts about being a Mom. The thing I liked about these posts is taking a hard look at what mothering really should be. About fighting that need to be a Super Mom and have everything perfect. Because that's damned hard work and no one needs to be under that kind of pressure. And when is this Super Mom supposed to enjoy life, anyway? So this back-to-basics mothering, it sounds very simple really. Just be there for your kids. Laugh with them. Play with them. Sing with them. Cry with them. When you are with them,…

• 

  WordPress.com News

• Stay In The Conversation

  Beau Lebens

  15 May 2012 | 6:01 pm

  It’s now much easier for you and your commenters to keep track of the conversations you’re involved in across WordPress.com. Some recent tests have shown that by subscribing commenters to new comments by default, they are more likely to stay engaged and come back and comment more on your blog. With that knowledge, we’ve changed the default comment following behavior to help you get more conversations going on your blog. We made the initial changes last week and after great feedback from you we just launched an update. Here’s how it works: By default, posting a comment…

• Look at These Gorgeous Blogs

  Sheri

  15 May 2012 | 1:05 pm

  We’ve added a user showcase where you can view stunning customizations made by people just like you. From complete redesigns with CSS to adding pizzazz with Custom Fonts to clever use of options like background and header, this showcase will spark your imagination and inspire creativity. Discover details about what each showcase blog is doing with WordPress.com themes and customizations by clicking a thumbnail to see a colophon-style list of credits on the left. We’ve also updated footer links so blog owners can show off the types of customizations they’ve made and visitors can…

• Photo Blogging 101, Part 1

  Erica V.

  14 May 2012 | 10:00 am

  Spring is in the air. With the weather warming up, now is a great time to get started on a photo blog. Creating a photo blog is a wonderful introduction to blogging on WordPress.com or an opportunity to refresh your current site. Ready to get started? You can sign up for a new blog right over here. Getting started Photo blogs, sometimes called phlogs, use pictures instead of words. While many photo bloggers choose a type of photo that they want to focus on, such as portraits, others use their photo blog to document their life’s events. Photo blogs come in a variety of styles, including…

• New Themes: Just Desserts and Oxygen

  Michelle Langston

  10 May 2012 | 8:11 am

  Happy Thursday! We’ve added some exciting new themes to our ever-growing collection, and we’re happy to tell you all about them. First out of the oven is…Just Desserts. Yep, that’s a theme! Designed by Andy Rutledge, Just Desserts is a deliciously stylish premium theme that’s perfect for blogs centered on food. With its responsive, single-column layout and unique presentation of images and posts on the front page, Just Desserts gives you a delectable canvas on which your mouthwatering photos and text can really shine — even when viewed on smaller mobile devices…

• Find Friends Who Use WordPress

  Nick Momrik

  1 May 2012 | 2:32 pm

  Are you curious to see how your friends are using WordPress? Give the new and improved Friend Finder a try to connect with your Twitter, Facebook, and Google contacts who have WordPress sites! After authorizing WordPress.com to use your Twitter, Facebook, or Google account to find your friends (don’t worry — none of this account information is saved!) you’ll see a list of people you know who have WordPress sites. Click Follow and each time your friend publishes a new post it will show up in your Reader under Blogs I Follow. If you have multiple blogs, make sure to set the…

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  AMERICAN INDIAN ADOPTEES

• Michigan Supreme Court honors ICWA

  16 May 2012 | 4:55 am

  Michigan SCT Adopts “Conditional Reversal” Rule for Indian Child Welfare Act (ICWA) Notice Violations Here. An excerpt from Justice Cavanagh’s unanimous opinion: While it is impossible to articulate a precise rule that will encompass every possible factual situation, in light of the interests protected by ICWA, the potentially high costs of erroneously concluding that notice need not be sent, and the relatively low burden of erring in favor of requiring notice, we think the standard for triggering the notice requirement of 25 USC 1912(a) must be a cautionary one. Therefore, we hold…

• Indian Identity - It's complicated in New England!

  15 May 2012 | 2:37 pm

  www.sjf.edu By Trace A. DeMeyer Living in New England (yes, it's still called that after 400+ years), I have come to understand how Native Americans here evolved through some of the most troubling, extreme and dangerous circumstances --- yes, dangerous. Many non-Indians here have deeply-embedded fears of Indians, because of stories passed down in families. Many New Englanders are of the mindset Indians are of the past, not the present. We are no longer a threat like we were in colonial days. Today Massachusetts has no great track record of dealing fairly or honestly with its tribes.

• Knowing you're Indian is not enough (#adoption #NDN)

  14 May 2012 | 11:21 am

  A Mother's Day story: Mother and daughter both given up for adoption  By Mary Annette Pember (photos and story) May 14, 2012 Rachel (right) and her 19 month old daughter, Mika, and Rachel's birth mother, Jeanne Winslow (left). This year, for the first time in a long time, Mother’s Day didn’t bring with it the painful unknowns for Jeanne Winslow and Rachel Banks Kupcho of the Leech Lake Band of Ojibwe.  Jeanne and her daughter Kupcho met for the second time last October, more than 35 years after Winslow gave her newborn up for adoption. “The day I got the call was the day I…

• Stolen Makeni Children

  14 May 2012 | 4:55 am

  Another example of Americans who adopt internationally to find out they were duped...This has happened before and sadly, it will happen again when children are $old to Americans... Trace A court finds that the adoptees from Sierra Leone were in fact kidnapped. Were Samuel Mosley and Adama K. stolen from their birth families in Makeni, Sierra Leone so that Americans could adopt them—and so that greedy middlemen masquerading as child welfare workers could get paid? That question was at the heart of the series published here last August, The Makeni Children, which investigated the torturously…

• Mother Earth in Crisis video

  13 May 2012 | 4:55 am

  Mother Earth in Crisis: A Moment of Reflection In the Film and Video Center, we often find that an image is worth far more than a thousand words. And when words and images come together, they can reach the mind and touch the heart in ways that mere words never could. This is especially true when it comes to climate change. In the spring of 2011, the Film and Video Center held its Native American Film + Video Festival, which included a special program entitled Mother Earth in Crisis. This program began with an evening screening of Inuit Knowledge and Climate Change, a film that looks at the…