• Most Topular Stories

  • Orphans on a Bridge to Nowhere…

    Together for Adoption
    Dan Cruver
    2 Jul 2014 | 1:37 pm
    A must read. Read More. It’s a must read..
  • My Not So Perfect Life

    Adoption Truth
    25 Jun 2014 | 1:52 pm
    Did you know my family is crazy?  We’re dysfunctional.  We make huge mistakes.  We can be irritating and annoying.  And we are so far from perfect or anything close to it.And yet, as one who was literally saved from becoming yet another “unplanned pregnancy” lost to adoption, I am so thankful for my family, all the good AND all the bad.We had another big family wedding over the weekend.  It was my cousin’s wedding on my maternal side and since my mother is one of seven siblings, I have an abundance of aunts and uncles and amazing cousins that flood such family…
  • The Highs and Lows of The Birthmother Chapter

    Musings of the Lame- Exposing Adoption Truth
    Claudia Corrigan DArcy
    17 Jul 2014 | 1:36 pm
    Whats More Evil? The word "Birthmother" or the fights caused over it? So, while I hate, hate, hate, the adoption terminology wars and refuse to participate in them, I'm going to break my rules because I also hate, hate, hate assumptions and all the rest too. And since I was literally forced to deal with this today, rather than just enjoying the printed thrills of having my book come in the mail, I'm going to go there. read more... → Come on by to Musings of the Lame to read the rest of this post. Come on, you know you want to!
  • Top Ten Levels of Adoptoraptor

    Musings of the Lame- Exposing Adoption Truth
    Claudia Corrigan DArcy
    1 Jul 2014 | 7:01 am
    Not ALL Adoptive Parents Are Adoptoraptors. Now is this an insulting term? Most definitely. It is actually supposed to be an insult. One really does not want to aspire to sink to the depths of a true "adoptoraptor". If you happen to find that fit into the actual description of the term, then you should probably go sit in a corner and rethink your life. read more... → Come on by to Musings of the Lame to read the rest of this post. Come on, you know you want to!
  • Lorraine says, See You Later

    [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum
    19 Jul 2014 | 2:31 pm
    Some of you may have noticed that I have been not writing much of late, or that I mentioned upcoming surgery on my ankle--a replacement. Now I have learned that I may not be able to have a replacement, but may need a bone fusion instead, or some of both. But whatever the operation is--on August 8--I will be out of commission for a while. And as I build up to the surgery, my time is filling with the pre-op stuff that needs to be done (blood test, a dental exam, a physical exam) and endless appointments with a physical therapist to build up the muscles in my leg, as well as that magical…
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    Musings of the Lame- Exposing Adoption Truth

  • Sally and Sherri Shepherd Surrogacy Shenanigans

    Claudia Corrigan DArcy
    19 Jul 2014 | 7:37 am
    So Sherri Shepherd? It's NOT going to be her genetic child. She has NO biological connection to this child because it was NOT her eggs. She won't give birth to this child as the gestational surrogate is carrying it for her. She cannot relinquish because she really has NO hold on this baby anyway. read more... → Come on by to Musings of the Lame to read the rest of this post. Come on, you know you want to!
  • The Highs and Lows of The Birthmother Chapter

    Claudia Corrigan DArcy
    17 Jul 2014 | 1:36 pm
    Whats More Evil? The word "Birthmother" or the fights caused over it? So, while I hate, hate, hate, the adoption terminology wars and refuse to participate in them, I'm going to break my rules because I also hate, hate, hate assumptions and all the rest too. And since I was literally forced to deal with this today, rather than just enjoying the printed thrills of having my book come in the mail, I'm going to go there. read more... → Come on by to Musings of the Lame to read the rest of this post. Come on, you know you want to!
  • Top Ten Levels of Adoptoraptor

    Claudia Corrigan DArcy
    1 Jul 2014 | 7:01 am
    Not ALL Adoptive Parents Are Adoptoraptors. Now is this an insulting term? Most definitely. It is actually supposed to be an insult. One really does not want to aspire to sink to the depths of a true "adoptoraptor". If you happen to find that fit into the actual description of the term, then you should probably go sit in a corner and rethink your life. read more... → Come on by to Musings of the Lame to read the rest of this post. Come on, you know you want to!
  • Adoption by Gentle Care; Digging an Even Deeper Hole

    Claudia Corrigan DArcy
    30 Jun 2014 | 1:15 pm
    Adoption by Gentle Care is back talking on Facebook. How are they controlling the message and maybe not look like a really unethical and non caring adoption agency? It seems like the course in online reputation management that they took advised AGC to some highly "black hat" ( that's "unethical" in SEO terms) techniques. I thought it might be fun to take some time out and look into what we can SEE Adoption by Gentle Care doing right now on the public forums. read more... → Come on by to Musings of the Lame to read the rest of this post. Come on, you know you want to!
  • A 1966 Era “In Family ” Adoptee Looks Back on Childhood and Reunion and Says…

    Kimberly Fleming
    24 Jun 2014 | 6:03 pm
    I am an adoptee given up by my birth mother in 1966. I was adopted within the family, so grew up with my biological grandmother, aunts, uncles and cousins around me. I was raised being told that my mother was my "Aunt Annie". My adoptive parents (aunt and uncle, whom I called mom and dad) were terribly insecure and once the secret was out that I knew “Aunt Annie” was no aunt to me at all, my adoptive parents became extremely controlling about my access to and communication with my birth... Come on by to Musings of the Lame to read the rest of this post. Come on, you know you want to!
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    Parents for Ethical Adoption Reform (PEAR)

  • DOS Alert: Democratic Republic of the Congo (DRC) Announces End to Exit Permit Exceptions Until New Law is Promulgated

    11 Jul 2014 | 2:13 pm
    On July 10, Ambassador James Swan met with Director General Beya of the Congolese General Direction of Migration (DGM) to seek clarification on the DGM’s decision to no longer issue exit permits to any adopted Congolese children until a new adoption law is promulgated. DGM Beya stated that his office will not accept any cases for consideration in the interim, even those involving children with medical conditions or those cases that met the DGM’s October 2013 exception criteria.During the meeting, the DGM stressed that it considers no intercountry adoptions from the DRC to be…
  • DOS Alert: Haiti announces re-registration period for Adoption Service Providers

    10 Jul 2014 | 8:27 am
    The Institut du Bien-Etre Social et de Recherche (IBESR), Haiti’s central adoption authority, recently announced updated information related to its Hague Adoption Convention intercountry adoption procedures. The announcement is available, in French, on IBESR’s website. Among other clarifications, IBESR announced that the registration period for re-authorization of international adoption service providers will be from July 14, 2014 until August 14, 2014. The list of supporting documents required is available on IBESR’s website in French. For more information on…
  • Riverkids Project - The beautiful lies that broke my heart

    24 Jun 2014 | 2:27 pm
    I read Somaly Mam’s book cover to cover in a bookstore, holding myself utterly still so I wouldn’t start crying, drowning in the images of violence and suffering she wrote about.It was that cover picture, a Cambodian woman who had been through hell and survived. That gave me hope when I was the desperately confused new mother to children from Cambodia who had been bought and sold by traffickers, hurt in ways that I could barely comprehend, and deep in grief over all they had lost before coming to these new strangers in Singapore.We watched and read Alice Walker’s The Colour Purple, and…
  • DOS Alert: Benin Announces Temporary Suspension of Intercountry Adoption Applications

    19 Jun 2014 | 8:18 am
    Benin informed the State Department that, as of May 22, it has temporarily suspended acceptance of new applications for intercountry adoptions as the Benin government prepares to implement the Hague Convention on the Protection of Children and Cooperation in Respect of Intercountry Adoption (Convention). The suspension applies to both plenary and simple adoptions of Beninese children.  The U.S. Embassy is in communication with the Benin government concerning transition cases; the government will decide how to proceed on a case-by-case basis.On February 26, 2014, the National Assembly…
  • DoS: Invitation to follow-up Conference Call regarding the Exit Permit Suspension in the Democratic Republic of the Congo (DRC)

    4 Jun 2014 | 11:34 am
    The Department of State invites adoptive families and prospective adoptive families to participate in a conference call Tuesday, June 11 from 10am-11:30am EST to address families’ concerns regarding the DRC exit permit suspension.  The call is being held in response to families’ requests for additional time following our May 16 call.  We will also address what we have learned to date regarding the latest developments reported in our May 27 adoption notice.  There will be brief remarks regarding developments followed by a question and answer period.If you…
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    Lavender Luz

  • The Weight of Weight: Women and Body Image

    Lori Lavender Luz
    18 Jul 2014 | 11:31 am
    Humorist Shannon Bradley Colleary is the total package — brainy, beautiful, bold and bodacious. She has a fantastic sense of humor and a healthy body image (wait ’til you see just how healthy). She treads regularly where Not-So-Feisty Lori only dreams of treading. Shannon and I share a few things in common, though. We are […] The post The Weight of Weight: Women and Body Image appeared first on Lavender Luz.
  • Sign Up for this Book Tour: Apart at the Seams by Melissa Ford

    Lori Lavender Luz
    1 Jul 2014 | 6:00 pm
    She had Mr. Right all sewn up . . . until Mr. Wonderful came along. That’s the teaser line for Melissa Ford’s latest novel, Apart at the Seams. Though it’s the third in a series, Melissa calls it a “sideways sequel.” Which means that if you’ve read Life from Scratch and/or Measure of Love, you’ll […] The post Sign Up for this Book Tour: Apart at the Seams by Melissa Ford appeared first on Lavender Luz.
  • How to Set Boundaries in Open Adoption

    Lori Lavender Luz
    26 Jun 2014 | 11:34 am
    Want to know more about how to set healthy boundaries in an open adoption? Haven’t read my book yet but are curious about it? Check out this book excerpt in Carrie Goldman’s Portrait of an Adoption Column on Chicago Now. Here’s an excerpt of the excerpt Carrie is sharing on Portrait of an Adoption’s Facebook […] The post How to Set Boundaries in Open Adoption appeared first on Lavender Luz.
  • Evil Grass

    Lori Lavender Luz
    20 Jun 2014 | 5:00 pm
    No, this isn’t another marijuana post. Do you know what a grass awn is? Grass awn is another name for The Devil. Grass awns are Satans of the savannah, Lucifers of the llano and Mephistopheles of the meadow. Closer to home, they are Beelzebubs of my backyard. They may look benign, but they are EVIL. […] The post Evil Grass appeared first on Lavender Luz.
  • Do You Really Want that Post to go Viral?

    Lori Lavender Luz
    10 Jun 2014 | 5:59 am
    Fame and fortune can be yours! People will stop you on the street for your autograph! Store clerks will covertly point at you, asking each other, “Is that really her, the brilliant mind behind that brilliant blog?” Your bank account will grow as more and more people hang on every word you write! You’ll soon […] The post Do You Really Want that Post to go Viral? appeared first on Lavender Luz.
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    Therapy Is Expensive

  • Everyone Held Their Breath

    Kat Nielsen, MSW
    13 Jul 2014 | 6:24 pm
    It comes as no surprise that I’m usually the only birth/first/original/natural/relinquishing* mom in many places I frequent online and in person. Often it doesn’t matter, but sometimes it makes things…interesting. For instance when the child I’m babysitting sees a picture of my son and asks questions. And there I am trying to explain…but oh did I mention this child is deaf? And my ASL is pathetic and doesn’t cover “no he doesn’t live with me. I’m a birth mom” so I finger spell and pantomime and enunciate to facilitate lip reading and…
  • The Evolution of a Diagnosis

    Kat Nielsen, MSW
    5 Jul 2014 | 8:55 pm
    For various reasons I’ve been sorting through old medical records recently. As I’ve done so I’ve noted how my mental health diagnoses have evolved. Coming from a family doesn’t really believe in mental illness or therapy I”ve only been seeking treatment for approximately 8 years.  Having some issues that make it hard to find a good therapist I’ve only stuck with a clinician long enough to have a diagnosis for the last 4 years. In 2010 my first diagnosis, or rather my first set of diagnoses were: Generalized anxiety disorder Agoraphobia with panic disorder…
  • Starting Over

    Kat Nielsen, MSW
    10 Jun 2014 | 12:59 pm
    I just unpublished every post on this blog all the way back to it’s inception in 2007. My summer break will in part be used to sort through, edit, and republish some of those posts. Others will never return. My goal is to reassess what is mine to share and what belongs to others. I’m a mother who relinquished a child at birth. It’s important to share my story, birth parent voices have been silenced for so long. I got lucky and have a wonderful successful open adoption which makes me a perfect advocate for reform. It’s harder to dismiss me as “bitter”…
  • Open Adoption RoundTable #39: Father’s Day Letters

    Kat Nielsen, MSW
    13 Jun 2012 | 2:37 pm
    I’m grateful for this Open Adoption RoundTable prompt because it serves as a reminder that i need to figure out what I’ve getting my own father before Sunday.  I’m also grateful for this prompt because too often father’s are left out of the adoption conversation. First fathers especially, but to an extent adoptive fathers too. In honor of Father’s Day we’re supposed to Write to someone else in the adoption constellation (someone specific or a general group). What do you want to say to them on Father’s Day? So here it goes… Dear [TheEx], Happy…
  • Open Adoption RoundTable #38: It’s Your Day

    Kat Nielsen, MSW
    9 May 2012 | 2:24 pm
    It’s that time again; OAR time. It happens to also be that time again; Mother’s Day week. Because the two coincide Heather has given us the following prompt: Write to someone else in the adoption constellation (someone specific or a general group). What do you want to say to them on Mother’s Day? Dear First Mothers, Birth Mothers, Natural Mothers, Biological Mothers, Mothers of Adoption Loss, Mothers who’ve relinquished parental rights, Mothers who’ve had parental rights terminated, Mothers who aren’t parenting their children… Mother’s day is your…
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    O Momma Writes

  • Mental Health – Know the Facts

    Ashley Roberts
    16 Jul 2014 | 12:44 am
    Mental Health – Know the Facts We British have long been known for our ‘stiff upper lips’ and our ability to ‘just get on with it’, even during the most challenging of times. Whilst this quality is admirable to a point, there is a downside. We tend to ignore early warning signs of mental health issues in the hope they’ll just go away. We think that by asking for help we’re being ‘weak’, and we tell ourselves to ‘pull ourselves together’. Unfortunately, the reality of mental health problems is that unless they are dealt with head-on, they’re unlikely to go away by…
  • Lifesaving Tips That Could Limit Your Risk of Diabetes

    Ashley Roberts
    14 Jul 2014 | 6:32 pm
    Diabetes is a serious problem that you want to avoid. There are some steps that you can take right now in order to limit the risk of you getting diabetes. By doing what you can, you may just be able stop diabetes directly affecting you and damaging your health in the future. Get More Exercise Source If you do not do that much exercise at the moment, you will need to change that. Exercise can be one of the best things that you do, in order to limit your risk of diabetes. If you have joints which ache, you may want to take up swimming. If you are fine to use the gym, you could benefit by using…
  • Edinburgh Attractions You Shouldn’t Miss!

    Ashley Roberts
    13 Jul 2014 | 3:07 pm
    If you’ve ever wanted to visit Scotland, then I highly recommend that you make Edinburgh your first port of call. There are so many different things you can do there, but all will give you a wonderful sense of adventure that you’d struggle to find anywhere else! Read on for the attractions you shouldn’t miss: Swim at Glencorse in the Pentland Hills Glencorse in the Pentland Hills is absolutely beautiful; the perfect place for a spot of outdoor swimming! Doesn’t swimming in the beautiful, open outdoors sound fantastic? You’ll feel as if you’re in another world. A bit like Leonardo…
  • Bathrooms Essentials For Large Families

    Ashley Roberts
    10 Jul 2014 | 6:42 pm
    Large families have declined over the last sixty years or so. It was not uncommon for a couple to have ten or more children in the hope that some of them survived, before the 1950s. In this modern world where people expect excellent living standards, it is difficult to design a small home where a family of eight or ten people can live together. The bathroom is a stumbling block for many families. It isn’t large enough, or there are not enough facilities for more than one person to use it at a time in many cases. If you are about to start renovating yours, here are a few bathroom essentials…
  • Ever Thought About Fitting A Pool Into Your Garden? Here’s Why You Should

    Ashley Roberts
    20 Jun 2014 | 5:06 am
    First thing’s first; if you’re an avid swimmer who regularly commutes to the local sports centre for your weekly, or daily, lengths – you’ll know just how annoying it is to get there and find a colony of screaming kids having an inflatable pool party. Or even worse, it’s OAP Water Zumba day… It could quite easily be avoided by checking the pool’s timetable, but sometimes you’re in a hurry and don’t remember, or sometimes you’re craving a workout, so you’re taken to the pool in the heat of the moment. A lot of people think the idea of getting a pool will just attract…
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    welcome to my brain . net

  • Summer time, when the living is ... *deep breath*

    6 Jul 2014 | 1:30 am
    I am experiencing something right now that so many of you do every year. However, it is brand new to me. I have a child attending public school, so this is my first "have them home all summer" thing.Normally, all of my kids are here all the time, and you just learn to pace yourself. I've written before that we needed to make some changes for everyone, and this was a great decision. No regrets. It is beneficial to the entire family.  However ... summer.All of the benefits we reap from a team of people in the life of a child are just gone. *poof* Like that. For three months.You have to…
  • Immediacy and Impermanence

    7 Jun 2014 | 7:29 am
    This week I participated in beautiful and ridiculously lengthy Facebook thread, birthed by burners. It was full of snark and brilliance. Within minutes I had fallen madly in love with people I have never met, and wanted them all at my party.Also, I wanted to plan a party.It erupted quickly and the comments multiplied for the better part of the day. No, really. It was insane. Hundreds of comments.  Notifications going off non-stop: ding, ding, ding. I actually crawled into bed that night and thought, "I hope a bunch of these hysterically genius wonders of humans don't stay up late and…
  • There is no magic pill, right?

    29 Apr 2014 | 3:31 pm
    If you are like me, you are an animal when it comes to seeking out help for your kids.  From struggles with learning, to finding clothes that fit right as their bodies grow and change, to learning about all the therapy options for mental and emotional health issues ... we advocate for the little and the big.(photo by Tibor Fazakas; used with permission)I touted mindfulness mediation almost a year ago when I wrote: "Meditation ... not just for the woo-woo hippies anymore." I knew it was a good thing for me to be doing. I had read the stuff and knew the studies. I did it for me. All…
  • Six years

    16 Apr 2014 | 5:44 am
    (November 2010 - Elizabeth Knox Photography)Six years ago today we became a family of seven. It has been the hardest six years of our lives. For all of us. We share this - the struggles, the pain, the very difficult memories. It has also been the greatest six years of our lives. For all of us. We share this - the healing, the joy, the love that was proven day after day and the family.We are a family. (May 2013)My children are my heroes. They deserve this. They deserve family and hard, hard, hard work from their parents. I talk with a lot of parents to help them learn and stay present in a way…
  • Help with the day-to-day

    26 Mar 2014 | 10:45 am
    I have used Facebook much more over the past two years, and it has replaced a lot of my information sharing I used to do on this blog.  I like the immediacy of it and the ability to engage in conversation.  It also makes more sense to send out quick links to articles on my Facebook coaching page than to create a blog post for those small items.Unfortunately, due to continued policy changes, fewer and fewer (as little as 5% - 10%) of those who follow my coaching Facebook page actually see the content I post in their newsfeeds. I have created a solution.  For those who would like…
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    Building Family Counseling

  • Speaking truth to your adopted child

    Dawn Friedman
    22 Jul 2014 | 8:40 am
    (This is an edited repost from my defunct personal blog, which is why it references other posts from four years ago and Lost, for goodness sakes, like the olden days or something.) Malinda posted about this parenting advice from Brian Stuy: We have never brought up, unprompted, our daughters’ birth parents. We have discussed adoption, conception and pregnancy, and other corollary issues from time to time, but I have never, without having the subject introduced by a daughter, initiated a conversation by saying, “Do you wish you knew your birth mother?” Or, “Do you want to know more…
  • Introverted Kids in Brain Child

    Dawn Friedman
    16 Jul 2014 | 7:53 am
    I was interviewed for an article that appears in Brain Child Magazine this month. Neither the introverted or extroverted personality is better than the other—they’re simply different, points out Dawn Friedman, a family therapist based in Worthington, Ohio. Friedman knows of what she speaks. Her household includes a smart, funny 16-year-old introvert named Noah, who displayed a few innie quirks from the get-go: “He liked preschool,” says Friedman, “but after the meager two and a half hours, he was done. He wouldn’t talk on the way home, and he’d be a little fragile for the rest…
  • “Angry” Adoptees

    Dawn Friedman
    15 Jul 2014 | 8:34 am
    I know many adoptees, and although this is not true across the board adoptees will never be pigeonholed, i’ve found that more often than not, when you look beyond the surface, the adoptees whom a casual observer may most likely label as an “angry adoptee” or see as being the most critical of different aspects of adoption, are often the very ones who have the closest and healthiest relationships with their adoptive parents. It seems counter-intuitive, but I see it over and over again. When an adoptee makes a critical statement about adoption or adoption practices it doesn’t…
  • Small Books, Small Toys

    Dawn Friedman
    14 Jul 2014 | 8:30 am
    I just finished a kid’s book titled Return of the Twelves. It’s about a set of wooden soldiers once owned by Branwell Bronte and his sisters. The soldiers are alive and the little boy who finds them watches over them as one of their Genii (plural for genius). When you’re a child small things are so appealing; this is why the sandtray is the most popular (and powerful) toy in my whole office. You can make a whole world in there and most of the kids take intense pride in how “real” they can make it look. The setting up — place each thing exactly where it ought to go…
  • Parenting a difficult child

    Dawn Friedman
    8 Jul 2014 | 11:58 am
    Perhaps the hardest thing about parenting a difficult child is the way that the day-to-day struggles undermines your confidence. It’s hard to feel good about yourself or your child when you wake up feeling helpless and dreading the day together. As the old saying goes, “You are only as happy as your unhappiest child”; when one child is struggling, the whole family follows. With this in mind, I decided to create a psychoeducational support group for parents who are having a hard time with their kids. The group will be gently structured to give us learning opportunities will…
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    Writing My Wrongs

  • When I Die

    Suz Bednarz
    20 Jul 2014 | 2:13 pm
    Driving back from Narragansett, Rhode Island, I had 1.5 hours to ponder the wedding hubby and I attended on Friday, the family we reconnected with and the crazy loon of an innkeeper that we met at the bed and breakfast we stayed at (said innkeeper was listed on Trip Advisor as “aggressively friendly”). For some strange reason, as we approached Voluntown, CT I began to ponder death. I do this now and then.  No particular reason.  Most times the thought is connected with a conversation, like the one I had with Cousin Brian over the weekend. We discussed our fathers’ deaths or the one I…
  • Help Teen Moms Get GED

    Suz Bednarz
    14 Jul 2014 | 10:30 am
    Chloe and Isabel by Suz donated $100 (June sales commissions) to Backline All Option Pregnancy Center Campaign. Many thanks to Karin from CT. She was our big shopper for the month. July and August commission will be donated to another favorite of mine – Hope House in Colorado. Hope House recently sent out an email indicating a need for financial support for the teen mom GED program. You can read the email here. I believe education is key for teen moms to succeed. I am happy to support. As such, all commissions (30% of your purchase price) will be donated to Hope House the first week in…
  • Sitting with Friends

    Suz Bednarz
    11 Jul 2014 | 11:01 am
    I feel sad today. Putting aside the obvious reason (PMS, work, overwhelmed with life, struggling with classes), I feel as if I am failing a friend. Years ago I used to have wise words for my adoption friends. I was able to help them with searches, direct them to support networks, suggest books for them to read. We shared our experiences and mutual and not so mutual pain. These days, while the experience and pain may be similar, our reunions (or lack thereof) have gone in wildly different directions (none good). I no longer know what to say, I am at a loss for suggestions of books or support…
  • Illinois Adoption News

    Suz Bednarz
    1 Jul 2014 | 12:19 pm
    Below is extracted from an email I received from Melisha Mitchell today. Bolding (of particular interest to me) is my own. “Dear Friends… Yes, we have done it again. With about the same amount of fanfare as it was accompanied by while traveling through the Illinois General Assembly, House Bill 5949 will be signed by Governor Quinn sometime in the coming week, making Illinois the first state to provide a remedy for adoptees for whom no original birth certificate was ever filed (due to a home birth or a clever midwife who circumvented the law) and possibly the first (correct me if…
  • Writing Process Blog Tour Fail

    Suz Bednarz
    21 Jun 2014 | 9:48 am
    Friend and author, Denise, asked me to participate in a writing process blog tour. Sadly, I was unable to get friends to participate however I am still going to share my thoughts on my writing process. Very simply, I don’t have one but wish I did. I have been trying for years to become more disciplined about my writing. I purchased The Artists Way and did that for three days.  I attended a year-long writing group and while that helped while it was running, I stopped writing regularly once it ended. My greatest challenge, and I am sure other writers will laugh and say this is an excuse not…
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    FAMILY PRESERVATION not Adoption Separaration

  • Threats to Family Presevation

    Mirah Riben
    16 Jul 2014 | 3:03 pm
    Money. Demand. Lack of regulation of adoption"professionals," facilitators, and adoption agency business.Exploitation. Coercion. Secrets and lies.All of these are threats to the sanctity of families, particularly families in crisis and those lacking affluence.Demand is a major part of the problem and demand will continue until such time as we face infertility as a major health problem and add information on reducing infertility risk to high school health education classes. of course, this is unlikely inasmuch as infertility supports several multi-billion dollar industries: infertility…
  • Buying is NOT Adoptiing

    Mirah Riben
    21 Jun 2014 | 9:37 am
    Russell D. Moore identifies himself as an "Ethicist" though he is obviously an ethicist with strong "Christian" beliefs and a single-minded purpose to defend certain "Christian" world views, in particular Southern Baptists, including adoption expressed here. Had Moore been around before the Civil War, he most assuredly would have found ETHICAL arguments in favor of the buying, owning and perhaps even torturing human beings. Regarding homosexuality, Moore says it's Ok to welcome them into your home, but not to attend their weddings.
  • Golden Cradle

    Mirah Riben
    27 May 2014 | 8:39 pm
    She was 23 in a long term unmarried relationship and pregnant. They forced a closed adoption on us, we wanted open, and we decided on a adoption as I was in labor, not a day before that did this cross our minds, so we were NOT educated in any way shape or form. We didn't know we had a choice. An adoption lawyer told me that she and her colleagues always brings bagels or doughnuts to the nurses . . . .That is wrong. And it should have been a concern to the whole medical department, including my doctor, who knew how excited I was and etc about my son. I was very ready for him, yet a…
  • Adoption Activism History: The ORIGINAL ORIGINS

    Mirah Riben
    3 May 2014 | 6:29 am
    Before there was Origins in Australia or the UK, and LONG before Origins-USA .... back in the pre-Internet dark ages ...In 1980, five women from New Jersey found one another and formed the original "ORIGINS: an organization for women who lost children to adoption."We put out a national bi-monthly newsletter and held local in-person meetings for more than a decade.We were pioneers! I was on the Mort Downey Jr. Show twice with adoptees and adoptive parents bringing light to the issue that was never even spoken about before. I was later on the Joan Rivers Show talking about the Joel Steinberg…
  • WE BELIEVE YOU, Dylan Farrow!

    Mirah Riben
    11 Feb 2014 | 12:51 pm
    I believe you first and foremost because, as Mackenzie Philips said: Why would you lie?  What you did in speaking your truth to power took incredible courage and strength of character. I wholeheartedly believe you and applaud you, support you and defend you.Woody Allen became officially labeled a pedophile in my book the day his affair with Soon Yi was exposed.  I personally have not seen a Woody Allen movie since. Their continued affair and subsequent marriage removed any and all doubt in that case!My refusal on principal to see his films has led, over the years, to many passionate…
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    Adoption Update

  • Want to Adopt from Uganda?

    9 Jul 2014 | 5:15 am
    The most visited page on this website is Uganda. It also brings the most questions. If you are looking for a real, honest adoption program with Uganda, you can use Across The World Adoptions in CA. They have a successful program and I recommend them. If you questions about the agency, I am happy to answer them!
  • Ana Needs A Home

    18 Mar 2014 | 4:52 am
    We have been advocating strongly for Ana to find a home. She is wonderful! She is healthy and she will thrive within the walls of a loving family. Ana is post op Spina Bifida. She received surgery from a US team out of PA and recovered at Maria’s Big House of Hope in Luoyang, China. She now lives with a foster family as she waits to go to her forever home. Ana is healthy, smart and developmentally on track. She does not have sensation in her lower limbs and cannot control her bowels. Please educate yourself on the treatments for incontinence before you run away scared from that…
  • Be Thou My Vision!

    4 Mar 2014 | 11:17 am
    I am pleased to be advocating for this itty bitty DARLING!!! Meet itty bitty Haddie! Haddie’s DOB is 1/2013. She has trouble seeing out of her left eye and her file states she is to young to vision test so they are unsure how much she can or cannot see. Physically and developmentally she is right on track! Haddie’s special needs are cerebral dysplasia (although no signs of developmental delay), strephenopodia of both feet, meaning, “flat feet” and vitreous spotty opacities of left eye. She is a little darling! Haddie is listed with ATWA. Interested families can…
  • New Waiting Children Listed.

    2 Mar 2014 | 6:02 pm
    Last week I was assigned new children that I have the honor of advocating for and my oh my how special each of them are! Please read about these deserving children! Meet Ryan! DOB 6/2009. He has a right anterior archanoid cyst and a weak left leg. His physical and mental development is delayed, but he is capable of learning! He can move independently, walking, jogging, up and down stairs but his movement is a little abnormal. He can do simple things like moving chairs, feeding himself, play games, dress himself, use the toilet and fold clothes. He is capable of doing so much more if he gets…
  • Waiting Child Grant Increase

    24 Feb 2014 | 2:52 pm
      Ana’s grant has increased this week from $2000 – $3000. We are trying very hard to find her family and would love for you to consider making her your own.  Ana is so sweet. Her DOB is 1/2011. Her special need is post op spina bifida. She has no use of her lower limbs and is incontinent. Ana is very healthy and a video is available of her if you are interested. She was operated on by a US team from Pennsylvania and recovered at Maria’s Big House of Hope. This photo was taken in 12/2013. Please share her with your adoptive community and help bring her home! Contact…
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    [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum

  • Lorraine says, See You Later

    19 Jul 2014 | 2:31 pm
    Some of you may have noticed that I have been not writing much of late, or that I mentioned upcoming surgery on my ankle--a replacement. Now I have learned that I may not be able to have a replacement, but may need a bone fusion instead, or some of both. But whatever the operation is--on August 8--I will be out of commission for a while. And as I build up to the surgery, my time is filling with the pre-op stuff that needs to be done (blood test, a dental exam, a physical exam) and endless appointments with a physical therapist to build up the muscles in my leg, as well as that magical…
  • Time to end the myth of first mother's right to privacy

    17 Jul 2014 | 3:36 pm
    Jane"Birth mothers right to privacy" -- these words get tossed around like snow in January. Advocates for unsealing birth records write countless pages of logic trying to refute this assumed right.  No matter the data, that only a minuscule of mothers have signed "no contact" preferences or demands, opponents beg for the right of the little lady in the closet. They try to bolster their bogus claim with U. S. Supreme Court cases upholding the right to practice birth control (Griswold v. Connecticut) and have an abortion (Roe v. Wade). The truth is that the little lady has no right to keep…
  • Challenging closed adoption records in the courts

    13 Jul 2014 | 8:00 am
    JaneIt's time adoptees come together in a lawsuit to strike down sealed record laws. But before I go into this, some history. Over thirty-five years ago a small group of intrepid New York adoptees filed a legal action action in federal court asking the court to declare laws preventing them from examining their adoption records unconstitutional. They sought not only their original birth certificates,  but also their court records and their files at the agencies which handled their adoptions. They faced a formidable army of lawyers representing powerful interests--the City of New York, the…
  • Refusing to help kids here while trolling for kids abroad

    8 Jul 2014 | 5:33 am
    Children in Nogales, AZ facilityAbout 40,000 accompanied minors and young children with their mothers from Guatemala, El Salvador, and Honduras have crossed our southern borders illegally since October. Another 12,000 have come from Mexico. These children and their mothers, hoping to escape the violence and poverty back home, have been herded into warehouse-like accommodations awaiting reviews by governments officials. They are confronted by angry mobs, demanding they leave immediately.One might think that the self-styled child savers, those eager to bring poor children from poor countries to…
  • The right to know your origins in an inalienable right

    3 Jul 2014 | 6:18 pm
    The authors of the Declaration of Independence identified certain rights granted by our creator. These natural rights are inalienable--they can't be taken away by governments. Among them, the authors wrote, are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. It's not an exhaustive list. The Supreme Court has expanded it to include the right to decide on the upbringing of our children, the right to marry the person of our choosing, and the right to make our own reproductive decisions. Surely the right to know where you came from should fall within this list. Adoptees made this argument in a…
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    Adoption Truth

  • My Not So Perfect Life

    25 Jun 2014 | 1:52 pm
    Did you know my family is crazy?  We’re dysfunctional.  We make huge mistakes.  We can be irritating and annoying.  And we are so far from perfect or anything close to it.And yet, as one who was literally saved from becoming yet another “unplanned pregnancy” lost to adoption, I am so thankful for my family, all the good AND all the bad.We had another big family wedding over the weekend.  It was my cousin’s wedding on my maternal side and since my mother is one of seven siblings, I have an abundance of aunts and uncles and amazing cousins that flood such family…
  • A Grandmother's Worry

    18 Jun 2014 | 3:31 pm
    I’m going to be a grandmother again.This time through my middle son and his wonderful, long-time girlfriend.It’s been almost three years now since I first became a grandmother and it’s hard to even find the words to describe what it’s like.  I love every minute of it.  I can’t get enough of watching her grow, become her own person with her own unique personality, while still seeing, recognizing, how much she is like her father, my youngest son, and her mother, my amazing daughter-in-law.And as I enjoy the miracle of being a grandmother.  The joy of expecting another…
  • I Love Being A Fertile Woman

    13 May 2014 | 6:04 pm
    For over a decade now, my wonderful husband and I – and sometimes our wonderful kids – make a yearly visit to New Orleans.  The only year we missed was the year of Katrina.  But we were back the very next year, loving our favorite place even during its struggle to come back to life after such horror and heart ache.This year, our trip isn’t planned till October.  And after coming across a post on the I Love Adoption / Facebook page, I am so thankful we planned for later this year.Apparently, the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys held their conference…
  • Heidi Russo . . . You STILL Don't Speak For Me

    15 Apr 2014 | 4:24 pm
    ---“To blame others for your decision to PLACE your child for adoption, not GIVE UP, is such a lack of accountability and responsibility. Own your decisions, the pain, the tears, the heartache, the worry, the unknown, the lifelong journey and the beauty that follows the ashes. I don't speak for everyone, I speak of my own journey. I speak of walking arm in arm with other birthmoms, adoptive moms and adoptees as we walk through the fear that has separated us for decades. I speak of raising birthmoms from a place of shame to a place of honor where they can hold their heads high and be proud…
  • Remembering Jeni

    21 Mar 2014 | 6:46 pm
    It almost seems like a lifetime ago when I was first breaking free of my denial, finding the courage to use my voice, speak out about the truth of what adoption had done to me, my oldest son, my entire family.Back, in 2008, when I first started this blog, I was on one of the worst emotional challenges I had ever known in my life.  When I look back at that time now, it’s like seeing this tidal wave of emotions and confusion and pain and loss coming at me, again and again.  And I was so powerless then to stop it, to protect myself from everything I was going through.The denial I so…
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    After December

  • Writing Again

    4 Jul 2014 | 4:06 pm
    Writing again, but not here. I'm the author of Soojung Jo.  There, I'll post updates about my published writing -- both online and in print.  I'll post excerpts from my memoir (in development), and occasional book reviews.I'm now a contributing writer at the Lost Daughters blog.  There, we'll resume the conversation started at the Faiths and Illusions blog and continuing into post-reunion life.We can also connect on Facebook.If you started reading this blog 5 years ago before we adopted from China, then you've witnessed this author's long evolution.  I'm mostly…
  • 25 May 2013 | 12:11 pm

    25 May 2013 | 12:11 pm
    I can feel it happening now, though it must have been going on for months already. There is a Korean child ~ a ghost, really ~ who is suddenly alive and growing rapidly into a woman. And there is an American woman ~ who was created from nothing and nowhere ~ who is transforming into a child. The two are racing together and toward each other. And when they collide, what will be the result that survives?Flights heading so far west until they become East. Days until I meet the home and family I lost.  Returning with the knowledge that my omma did not, in fact, love me enough to give me up…
  • Awhile back, my Korean family found me

    17 Apr 2013 | 6:10 pm
    No, I didn't find them. I wasn't searching for them ~ they were searching for me. They were searching. For me. For 34 years. The story of how we got separated is tragic and fucked up. It makes me feel a distant sense of anger and a good deal of sadness. I won't tell our private story, but suffice to say it was basically internationally sanctioned kidnapping. It makes me feel a little happy to know I was always loved & wanted, and that they never have up hope. It's amazing how that scrap of knowledge can hold up a person's soul. If you haven't experienced this circumstance, there's no way to…
  • Love, not labor

    23 Nov 2012 | 6:50 pm
    [I wrote this 2 years ago at a different blog. More true now, more true everyday. Reading who I was then, reflecting on the changes and the constants. Happy holiday season to you all.]So. Today I was conversing (via email) with a colleague and mentioned that I will be taking the kids on a 10 day road trip in a couple weeks. I may have used the words bleary-eyed and dread. He replied “Take it from me, these are the good old days.” Keep in mind, about 80% of my colleagues are at least 10 years older than me, if not 20 years. But it got me wondering… why do people assume I’m not thrilled…
  • Dot connected

    5 Oct 2012 | 7:28 pm
    This will seem so obvious after I've explained it.  In actuality, it never dawned on me until tonight to make the connection.Several years ago, there was a famous case in the state where I live.  A young girl had been abducted, molested, and then buried alive.  That story ran in the news for several months, and would recur every time there was a break in the case.  Eventually the perpetrator was caught, tried, convicted, and now serves a long prison sentence.  Every aspect of the story was awful, but there was one particular detail that captured my imagination in the…
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    One Thankful Mom | Lisa Qualls

  • The Year in Books

    Lisa Qualls
    22 Jul 2014 | 6:00 am
    Every July my book group meets to plan what we’ll read in the coming year. I always have fun sharing our list here knowing that some of you will  enjoy these books too. If you’ve read any of them, share your thoughts. If there is something here that grabs your attention, share that too. Comments […]
  • Her Very Last Visit

    Lisa Qualls
    18 Jul 2014 | 8:01 am
    Dimples is here for her very last home visit. The time has gone by so quickly; it’s  hard to believe that we’ve reached this milestone. Samuel drove to the MT/ID border on Tuesday to pick her up. Sunshine went with him so the girls had some sister time on the way back. We had one […]
  • My Learning Curve: Wraparound

    Lisa Qualls
    15 Jul 2014 | 8:24 am
    Last night we had a Wraparound meeting in preparation for Dimples’ return home. Her case manager suggested this to me as a means of organizing our support team in a more concrete way. If you’ve been reading my blog for long, you know that we are blessed with many people who love Dimples and want […]
  • Sunday Gratitude 7.13.14

    Lisa Qualls
    13 Jul 2014 | 7:26 am
    giving thanks #1441 – 1460 iced coffee  my book group new books chosen for the year (I’ll share this week) Isaiah home for a surprise visit siblings gathering round one another so much love the first red tomato from our garden skype with our architect friend lots of good advice reworking some of our plans […]
  • Missing His First Mom

    Lisa Qualls
    10 Jul 2014 | 7:27 am
    Little Man asked, “Mom, when will you take me to Ethiopia to see my mom?” “I don’t know, but we want to take you some day.” “Okay, I miss her. I want to go back and live with her.”     I’ll admit, it pained my heart just a little, but I’m pretty certain this […]
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    Rage Against the Minivan

  • Memory keeping in the digital age

    22 Jul 2014 | 4:00 am
    This post is sponsored by have always been a curator. Ever since I was small, I loved keeping records of memories. I was a stellar diary-keeper and an impeccable pen-pal. I saved everything. I made books and collages and loved hanging pictures in my room. Eventually, I became a scrap-booker . . . keeping detailed books full of photos, ticket stubs, and other momentos. It’s no small wonder that I was drawn to blogging. I love that I have this space where my kids can read my thoughts and see snapshots of their childhood. I would give anything to read about my mom’s process when…
  • Things moms of 4 do

    21 Jul 2014 | 9:19 am
    Here’s a shocker: Having four kids is hard. Of course, I would never trade it or change it for anything. EVER. But when we made the transition from two kids to four kids, we had to change a lot of things about how we parented. Intentionally or not, you do things way differently with the the third and fourth kids than you did with the first and second.It’s no longer about all the newest and cutest toys and clothes. It’s no longer about making sure each child has had the right amount of visual stimulation. It’s no longer about making sure a child is always happy and involved in…
  • That's What She Said

    19 Jul 2014 | 6:00 pm
    Through Lens, 4 Boys Dead By Gaza Shore | NYTimesI watched as a group of people ran to the children’s aid. I joined them, running with the feeling that would find safety in numbers, though I understood that feeling could be deceptive: Crowds can make things worse. We arrived at the scene to find lifeless, mangled bodies. The boys were beyond help. They had been killed instantly, and the people who had rushed to them were shocked and distraught.All I Want For My 40th Birthday Is To Raise $4,000 | Cam BowmanSo this is why I want you to help me raise $4000 for my 40th. Four thousand dollars…
  • Friday Finds

    18 Jul 2014 | 12:00 pm
    1.  Cognac triangle tote| Zulily 2. Acure facial scrub with sea kelp | Vitacost.com3. Blue zigzag bell dress | Zulily 4. Weleda calendula face cream | Iherb5. Thai steak salad w/sweet + spicy tahini dressing  |  halfbakedharvest.com6.  ColoreScience mineral sunscreen brush | Skincarerx7. Mineral Fusion nail polish | Veganbeautyreview8. Portable charger | mycharge.com9. G.H. Cretors' certified organic popcorn |
  • Solving the “six o’clock scramble”

    18 Jul 2014 | 6:00 am
    This post is sponsored by Blue ApronOne of my biggest challenges as a mom has been getting dinner on the table every evening. It’s not that I don’t like to cook. I actually enjoying cooking and trying to new recipes. It’s the shopping that I hate. And the planning. I have somehow managed to avoid learning how to meal-plan . . . it’s a skill that totally eludes me. Add that to my total disdain for running errands, and it’s a bad combo. The difficulty of shopping with four small children doesn’t help. Grocery shopping has gotten easier as they’ve gotten older, but it’s still…
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    Julie Gumm - Author

  • Transitioning to Life in Small Town America
    3 Jul 2014 | 11:33 am
    We’re here. I haven’t written much since I posted about our impending move 3 months ago because we’ve been busy working, purging, packing, purging some more and dealing with the typical end-of-year craziness. The boys both graduated 8th grade – Luke as valedictorian. The very next day Mark and I headed out to Ark. because I started working in the office the following Monday. It was definitely a much quicker, quieter ride just the two of us – a throwback to our college days. We had basically 24 hours before Mark headed out for Haiti but had time to stop by the…
  • Happy 15th!
    10 Jun 2014 | 6:21 am
    This kid is 15 today! (Which makes me feel old.) I cannot even begin to tell you how proud I am to have the privilege to be his mom. He is generous, thoughtful, hardworking, self-motivated, smart, funny and just an all around amazing young man. Four more years of watching his sports games will make me completely gray but I LOVE it! Happy Birthday Luke!
  • You’re Never Too Old To Need a Mom
    16 May 2014 | 4:53 pm
    Three weeks ago I left for Pittsburgh to see my bestie for a few days before heading to Chicago for the Christian Alliance for Orphans Summit. I wasn’t there even 24 hours before my dad called to say they were taking my mom to the hospital because she had a virus and her blood sugars (she’s a brittle Type 1 diabetic) were too high and they couldn’t get them down. He actually left a message as I didn’t hear the phone. It’s SOP in our family that they call me when this happens and I call the brothers who live out of state. I wasn’t too concerned since this…
  • Happy Mother’s Day
    10 May 2014 | 5:00 am
    To all my favorite moms. Which is all of you
  • “Rhinestone Jesus” – Saying Yes in Your Mess
    1 May 2014 | 5:00 am
    I’ve read Kristen Welch’s blog for the last few years but her new book, Rhinestone Jesus: Saying Yes to God When Sparkly, Safe Faith is No Longer Enough, is a glimpse into her story beyond what you get on the blog. The story of her faith, her marriage, her family and her passion is encouraging and uplifting. There were many times when I whispered “me too” while reading. If you’ve ever felt scared to say “yes” to God, you need to read this book. You’ll be encouraged, not because Kristen and her family are perfect, but because you’ll see…
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    Lost Daughters

  • Oh This Wicked Faith

    20 Jul 2014 | 9:00 pm
    Oh this wicked faith of mineAnd because of whatWhy does this keep happening to meIt's not the first timeIt seems to happen every timeWhy is thatHow could that beCould it be my olive skinMy dark brown Asian eyes or my raven black hairIs it happening only because I'm AsianAnd dress a certain wayI admit that I'm AsianI'm proud to be Asian and I won't ever deny itI refuse to be a sexual objectI shouldn't have to be punished based on who my parents areDocile and submissive I'm anything but thatMaybe it's the Asian feverIs the Asian fever eqvivallent to a curseWhat's so special with an Asian girl…
  • Control

    15 Jul 2014 | 7:20 am
    Control. That word was repeated numerous times at KAAN (Korean American Adoptee Adoptive Family Network Conference) a few weeks ago. I guess I always knew it deep down … that I had a freakish need for control. In the past, I phrased it as “anal retentiveness.”I control many things in my adult life, and I enjoy the stability I feel with that control. If I control my life, there are no surprises … right?Wrong. Everything about my adoption was not controlled by me. It was controlled by the Korean culture, the Korean government and Holt International.As I grew up, I learned again that my…
  • Let Freedom Ring

    Soojung Jo
    4 Jul 2014 | 11:38 am
    It’s Independence Day in the USA.  It is a time to celebrate the remarkable day 238 years ago when our young American colonies severed their national allegiance to Great Britain with those courageous words, We hold these truths to be self-evidentToday, Americans all over the world pause to hold their families and friends close and give thanks for our many freedoms.  Today, I pause to reflect on the ways that, despite my American freedoms, I still oppress myself.But I haven’t introduced myself.  I am Soojung Jo, born of a Korean mother 37 years ago.  I lived with her…
  • A Decision To Search

    Lynn Steinberg
    14 Jun 2014 | 10:39 am
    Dear Readers,My column is going to focus on the journal entires I have been keeping since deciding to search for and reunite with my Birth Mother in early 2010. My story is remarkable - just like yours is or surely will be.  I have yet to meet an adult adoptee who was victim to the closed adoption records of the 1960’s and 1970’s that can say that the experience of reunion has not changed who they are, how they look at the world, and how they view adoption.  My reunion took a naive young Mom of three (me), who had just adopted a baby girl from Ethiopia primarily because of her…
  • Living Loud: The Art of the Exposition

    9 Jun 2014 | 10:53 pm
    My nerves worked overtime at the Living Loud DC event. However, I took comfort in the embrace of my Lost Daughters sisters. My friend, Katherine, was there too, and her support in the hours before the event kept me in good spirits.While I consider myself an extrovert, I am cautious about sharing my true thoughts until I’m confident that I am in a safe community. This event, while adoptee-focused, was an unknown. We were reading some of our most intimate thoughts … in person.As the trollers know, it is one thing to write, tweet or blog about personal insecurities online. The worldwide web…
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    One Inch of Grace

  • Adoption Day 2014

    25 Jun 2014 | 8:17 pm
    On June 25, 2010, our adoption became legal. The kids and I had dinner and dessert out today to celebrate. We spent a couple minutes sharing our memories from the past four years. I felt good that I finally had some memories to share with them that they didn’t remember. Since I didn’t know them […]
  • Love in the D: Philip and Clare’s Wedding

    10 Jun 2014 | 6:19 pm
    Check out my latest Love in the D post. I had the opportunity to interview Clare about her beautiful 2009 wedding at the Detroit Athletic Club.Filed under: Family in the City Tagged: dac, Detroit, detroit athletic club, detroit weddings, Love in the D, weddings
  • Homework horror

    18 Apr 2014 | 9:29 pm
    BC is in kindergarten this year and the homework situation is awful. Every Monday he brings home a packet of work that is due on Friday. For him, the work is simple – one digit addition, writing punctuation, and short spelling words like “it” and “can.” I know he can do the work, yet he […]
  • BC’s 6th Birthday

    30 Mar 2014 | 9:57 pm
    BC had his 6th birthday earlier this month. I keep thinking about when first we met him, he was just over a year old and still learning to walk. He’s still as fearless as he was back then. Earlier this month he delivered a monologue at a school program and the audience loved him – […]
  • Love in the D

    15 Mar 2014 | 3:01 pm
    J and I got married in 2005 in the Detroit suburbs. At that time, I hardly had any experience with Detroit. I had rarely been there and couldn’t find my way around at all. We had a perfect wedding and I wouldn’t change anything, but now that I know Detroit much better, I’ve discovered that […]
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  • The Pentad of Adoption: Putting Fathers Back In The Picture

    Snow Leopard
    21 Jul 2014 | 7:06 pm
    I received my original birth certificate today, which confirmed one of my better guesses (based on genetic testing and genealogical research) about the identity of my genetic mother. However, as I had been forewarned would likely be the case, the document contained no information about my father, since (as in many states) birth certificates in […]
  • Guilty as charged: Aiding and abetting adoption

    Daniel Ibn Zayd
    2 Jul 2014 | 4:48 am
    In a previous post [link], Lucy explores the idea of abuse that can be stated is functional to adoptive parents withholding information from a child temporarily in their care. I didn’t want to hijack that post, so I’m hoping to expand on that here a bit. If we define the systemic displacement, dispossession, and disinheritance […]
  • Orphan Testing & the Search for An Origin

    Snow Leopard
    30 Jun 2014 | 9:35 am
    Having lately resorted to genetic testing to uncover my immediate genetic family, I confront therefore the panoply of folks, mostly not adopted, who are on a similar (but different) quest for their origin.[1] Compared to whatever conceits are at work in the efforts of committed and serious genealogists, the amateurish, armchair types—the ones who causally […]
  • Adoption’s Article of Bad Faith

    Snow Leopard
    29 Jun 2014 | 10:05 am
    Manifold disclosures about the unethical and immoral practices of those trafficking in human children now make clear the systemic, not merely idiosyncratically aberrant, character of those ethical and moral violations. [1] My adoptive parents paid for a white baby, but they didn’t get one—as 10.4% of my genetic heritage makes clear in its tracing back […]
  • Disabling Petitioner’s Syndrome: Psychological and Structural Aspects

    Snow Leopard
    29 Jun 2014 | 8:49 am
    As I plod slowly along on the slow trail of information-gathering to hunt down trails of my possible genetic origins through different genetic testing tools, I sometimes note an obnoxious petitioner’s syndrome that being adopted [1] can engender. Petitioner’s syndrome points psychologically to having to address a greater power for essential information and structurally to […]
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    Unsigned Masterpiece

  • Adoption Should be A Last Resort…

    Unsigned Masterpiece
    20 Jul 2014 | 1:29 pm
    It's always good when people "Get it"
  • The Power of Biology, the Fear of Fertility (and adoption)

    Unsigned Masterpiece
    10 Jul 2014 | 11:48 am
    Great piece in The Land of a Gazillion Adoptees.  This is a great online magazine coming up to its first anniversary.Filed under: Adoption
  • Judy Collins (and Adoption)

    Unsigned Masterpiece
    8 Jun 2014 | 2:35 pm
    A song that has always been one of my adoption songs. Born to the Breed.Filed under: Adoption Tagged: Born to the Breed, Judy Collins
  • Let’s Make A Film!

    Unsigned Masterpiece
    7 Apr 2014 | 8:00 am
    “Legal theme" may be broadly construed. You are free to choose any subject in which the relationship between law, justice, and society can be fashioned into a unique visual story.
  • 13 reasons…From The Humanist Adoptee

    Unsigned Masterpiece
    5 Apr 2014 | 5:01 am
    By way of Land of a Gazillion Adoptees, a recent post from The Humanist Adoptee: 13 Reasons Why Adopted Children Are Not Lucky From the comments to the above: It took me nearly 40 years to realize how adoption truly impacted me — and I am still discovering new things about myself. Over time, I […]
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    Together for Adoption

  • Adoption Nuggets (22): Dipping Into Metaphorical Theology (4)

    Tim J R Trumper
    21 Jul 2014 | 9:18 pm
    1. Distinguishing the Filial and Familial Language of Scripture (continued)Having outlined the three basic facts of adoption ~ the uniqueness of the biblical term huiothesia, Paul’s exclusive use of it (Rom. 8:15, 23, 9:4; Gal. 4:5; Eph. 1:5), and his utilization of the term to cover the whole scope of redemptive history (Eph. 1:5; Rom. 9:4; Gal. 4:5 [Rom. 8:15]; Rom. 8:23) ~ we now come to the unscrambling of the New Testament’s language of adoption and new birth.This is necessary because, more often than not, theologians throughout church history have either not seen or chosen…
  • Orphans on a Bridge to Nowhere…

    Dan Cruver
    2 Jul 2014 | 1:37 pm
    A must read. Read More. It’s a must read..
  • Learn more about ChriStory

    Dan Cruver
    30 Jun 2014 | 12:09 pm
    Lesson 1: Audio for “Jesus, The True Eden for Us” Lesson 2: Audio for “Jesus, The New Creation for Us (Part 1)” Lesson 3: Teacher Notes for “Jesus, The New Creation for Us (Part 2)” Lesson 4: Audio & Teacher Notes for “Jesus is Eden” (John 9) Lesson 5: Jesus is the New Creation (Part 3)This class on Christology is one of the adult Sunday School classes at Redeemer Presbyterian Church of Travelers Rest, SC taught by Dan Cruver. This blog is for one of the Sunday school classes for June, July, and August at Redeemer Presbyterian Church of Travelers Rest, SC. Each blog post…
  • Register Now for T4A NatCon 2014

    Dan Cruver
    25 Jun 2014 | 6:06 pm
    Online registration is now open for our October 17-18 Together for Adoption 2014 National Conference to be held in beautiful Greenville, SC.Join the ConversationOur primary objective for this year’s gathering is to maximize our time together by providing important conversations with people who are key leaders, thinkers, and practitioners in the global orphan movement. We want to facilitate extended conversations that matter — conversations that uniquely address the complex spectrum of care needed for orphans globally.This year’s conference theme is Urgency & Complexity:…
  • Adoption Nuggets (21): Dipping Into Metaphorical Theology (3)

    Tim J R Trumper
    17 Jun 2014 | 8:53 pm
    1. Distinguishing the Filial and Familial Language of Scripture(i) Basic Facts about AdoptionHaving committed ourselves to construct the doctrine of adoption from the ground up, and having mapped out the six issues necessary for a solid foundation, we now begin to consider the biblical data.There’s historical and theological rationale for doing so. Historically, pastors and theologians have hurried their attention to the filial and familial terms the Bible uses. As a result they have too often confused the specifics of the filial and familial language of Scripture, typically ignoring…
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    Cheese Curds and Kimchi-Our international adoption story

  • Three years a family!

    8 Jul 2014 | 8:20 am
    Starting our life together. 5/10/2011(This is a catch-up post. Our family day with Little Man was May 10. I'm only a few months late which is pretty good for me lately!)*****Family. Before Little Man came that word only referred to The Man, myself, Gus the wonder dog and our kitties.But now it's much more. Three years ago our definition of family was revolutionized when a quiet boy was placed in my arms, sitting stiffly in my lap during our taxi ride away from the adoption agency.I think back to that baby---that stranger who I called my child. I remember how he behaved then, small indicators…
  • Catching up

    5 Jul 2014 | 8:20 am
    Wow.I have no idea where these past months have gone. Wait...yes I do. They've been spent changing diapers, fostering a sibling relationship, trying to carve out some time for me, finding a nanny, returning to work, struggling to stay ahead of the never-ending laundry. You get the drift.So, here we are, nearly four months post-placement and we are surviving! Sometimes I even think we are thriving! The boys get along (mostly). We are getting onto a solid schedule (usually). We took another trip back to Washington state to visit family. This time Little Brother did much better with the flights!
  • We're all doing OK

    27 May 2014 | 8:04 pm
    Thanks to everyone who reached out in different ways after my last post. Your emails, messages and thoughts are greatly appreciated and helped during difficult moments. I know I am not the only one to have experienced losing a sibling and hope everyone who has been through it has as much support as I have had. I feel very thankful.In the few weeks since we've been home following my sister's memorial we've all been doing OK. We have our ups and downs, but over all, I have to say the boys have been amazing.Little Brother has really made big strides. While we were with family, he was fussy and…
  • For my 45th year

    21 May 2014 | 8:11 pm
    April 29I turned 45.Five more years until I'm 50.Scary.I'm now officially too old for the Korean adoption program. Thank goodness Little Brother made it home in time.It was a nice day.It was a normal day.April 30My mom calls.My sister has died.The world grinds to a halt.The first day of my 45th year begins with a loss so cutting that I can't breathe.*********I can't really write about this now. It's all still too painful. When I think of my sister's death, I feel like I'm underwater in a murky tank, unable to figure out which way is up or down. She was 42. How is this possible?Our past few…
  • Little Brother: On your 1.5 birthday

    8 May 2014 | 12:47 pm
    Dearest Little Brother,Happy half-birthday! You are the ripe old age of 1.5 years old. And so much has already happened in your short life. Sometimes this makes me sad. But when I think about how much you've grown in the two months we've known you, I get happy again.That's a lot like you are. You are a happy guy. It's rare you don't wake up with a smile. You wake up in the morning and push your sweet face into mine. I open my eyes to your grin. I love that.You flop back down next to me and snuggle. I really love that.You like to make noises and sing-songs and have me sing them back to you.
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    I'm A Foster

  • Getting That First Job

    3 Jul 2014 | 7:09 pm
     One of the difficult things about being a foster kid is seeing the kids around you have things that you may not have or even have the opportunity to get. It could be a variety of things from cool clothes, new shoes, the latest video game or even having a pet. Some of it may have to do with the rules of where you’re staying or you don’t have parents to buy that stuff. I recognized early on that if I wanted those things then I had to go and get them for myself. I realized really quickly that I was going to have to work harder than most of my peers to get some of the things they had…
  • Getting A Drivers License As A Foster Kid

    17 Apr 2014 | 10:36 pm
      To many kids turning 16 is one of the most exciting days of their lives. With turning 16 comes getting a drivers license. It's the license of freedom all most every teenager looks forward to getting. Hours of driving with family members to get enough hours under the belt finally paying off. Unfortunately for many foster kids it's harder to obtain the goal of getting that freedom. For many foster kids turning 16 does not mean getting a drivers license. When I was placed into foster care the summer I was getting ready to turn 16. I didn't have my permit at that that point. My…
  • Should Some Foster Kids Be "Grateful"?

    30 Mar 2014 | 11:17 pm
     After writing a post about things I disliked hearing in foster care, there were a lot of comments regarding foster children being told by their foster parents, that they should be thankful. This is something that has been said to me many times before, but not something I had a strong opinion on myself. There are many things said to you or about you as a foster kid so I found it best to have a tough skin. This was mainly in reference to the question: If a foster kid is not being "grateful" for what they have or not realizing that others have it worse, is it a bad thing to remind them…
  • 4 Impactful Things Foster Parents Can Say To Foster Kids

    15 Mar 2014 | 9:52 am
       After I wrote about 5 things I disliked hearing as a foster kid, I was asked a great question: what things DID it help me to hear through foster care.  I had a set of foster parents that really made and impact on me with the way treated me during my time with them. Many of the things they said not only helped me through foster care, but also left an impact on me as I've become an adult. With that said here 4 awesome things, which as a foster kid especially, made me feel awesome:“I’m proud of you and you should be proud too!” I hadn’t really heard this too…
  • 5 Things I Disliked Hearing As A Foster Kid

    2 Mar 2014 | 8:06 pm
    "What are you in foster care for?"  I’m not a very open person with people I don’t know anyway but I think this is a hard question for any kid. Most kids aren’t put in foster care because they messed up, it’s their parents fault. How do you answer this question; “My parent’s beat me”, ” My parents care more about drugs then me”,  ”My parents died”, “The state took me”, or maybe even “I don’t know”. Any of those responses doesn’t sound good and not really something I want to talk about. It’s one of those things that I sits in the back of your mind…
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  • Grief is subversive – Unexplored Trauma

    22 Jul 2014 | 4:50 am
    READ HERE: Grief is subversive – Beyond MedsMuch of what is labeled psychiatric disease is grief that has never been expressed or properly felt, or validated. If we have unexplored trauma, then it’s likely we have unexplored grief too. Some of us need to begin a grieving process that never started in order to heal. Some of us have a life-time of grief that needs to be allowed and experienced. We can choose to challenge our culture’s fear of grief and the dark emotions and begin to heal and turn it around.Grief is subversive, undermining the quiet agreement to behave and be in control of…
  • Adoption laws, protecting dead parents and letters to your birthchild

    21 Jul 2014 | 7:55 am
    By Trace A. DeMeyer I think adoption has left many of us adoptees frozen in time as missing children.  Details of our first days and births are sealed in files – leaving us without essential details of our birthparent’s lives when they made the decision to let us go or were forced to give us up. Our adoption records are sealed so the majority of adoptees are still unable to have a copy of our original birth certificate in all but a few states in America. Why? If we’re adults, why are we still being treated as children? Most of us were adopted by strangers. In my case Sev and…
  • Tribal, National, and State Leaders Convene to Develop Strategy for Improving Spirit Lake Child Protection

    11 Jul 2014 | 8:25 am
    Director of Bureau of Indian Affairs, representatives from North Dakota's elected leaders, and others join Spirit Lake Chairman in new initiative to improve child welfare services. FORT TOTTEN, N.D., July 10, 2014 /PRNewswire-USNewswire/ -- This week 26 key decision-makers from the Spirit Lake Tribe, federal and state governments, as well as local and national private organizations met to kick off a comprehensive strategy called the "Spirit Lake Child Welfare Improvement Project." The purpose of this gathering was to convene decision-makers to craft a vision and an initial plan for the…
  • Catholic groups lose residential school argument

    5 Jul 2014 | 8:31 am
    SOURCE  By Kathleen Martens APTN Investigates WINNIPEG – Priests, nuns and oblates have lost a small court battle related to residential school documents. More than 30 Catholic organizations across Canada tried to stop the new National Research Centre (NRC) from participating in a hearing on the future of survivor testimony. But Justice Paul Perell of the Ontario Superior Court decided otherwise. On June 14th, he granted intervenor status to the centre which will be located at the University of Manitoba. Groups including the Truth and Reconciliation Commission (TRC) and the Indian…
  • #BabyVeronica discussed in new anthology CALLED HOME

    30 Jun 2014 | 8:07 am
    By Trace A. DeMeyerBreak out the cigars!  We have a new baby -- the brand new anthology CALLED HOME [Book Two: Lost Children of the Indian Adoption Projects].Whew - it took way more than nine months to make this baby!I do treat books like babies, giving them love and attention while they grow. Eventually I let the book go off and travel on its own.  It's not hard to watch it travel to new hands and lands.The 49 writers in this new anthology (plus one poet who is not an adoptee) didn't spare us any details of what it was like growing up outside of their culture and trying to fit back…
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    Infant Adoption Guide

  • Adoption profile stats – How many times has your profile been seen? Here’s why you may not want to know.

    Tim Elder
    15 Jul 2014 | 7:17 am
    Adoption profiles are the most important way for you to get noticed by prospective birthmothers. A great profile will lead to the all important match, which hopefully leads to a placement and realizing the dream of building your family. With the vast opportunities via the internet, hopeful adoptive families have more marketing options available than […]
  • Ask an adoption question #4: How do we not feel rejected & lose hope when waiting to adopt?

    Tim Elder
    27 Jun 2014 | 5:43 am
    In today’s “Ask An Adoption Question”, Shelly talks about her struggle with waiting to adopt. Hi, Tim The hardest thing for me is the waiting. Every day that passes feels like I have been rejected by all the people who look at our 3 websites. I think I’m not pretty enough to be chosen, our pictures […]
  • 3 flights, 33 hours and 9,000 miles to become an adoptive dad

    Tim Elder
    19 Jun 2014 | 2:19 pm
    The following is a guest post from Darin Moss. He shares his incredible story of how he and his wife recently adopted a little boy and how he was able to celebrate Father’s Day in a special way. Enjoy! I’m sleep deprived… I go days without a shave… I’ve been pooped on, peed on, spit […]
  • IAG 022: How to adopt faster and easier with Thea Ramirez – founder of

    Tim Elder
    12 Jun 2014 | 7:10 am
    In this episode of the Infant Adoption Guide Podcast, we talk with Thea Ramirez – the Founder and President of What would it mean to you if there was a way to connect directly with over 80 adoption agencies and attorneys nationwide that are constantly posting adoption situations just for you? Where do I […]
  • The forgotten part of domestic adoption: Birthfathers

    Tim Elder
    6 Jun 2014 | 1:02 pm
    Domestic infant adoption always involves a birthmother, adoptive parents, and of course – the baby. There are times when an important member of the adoption story is forgotten. Birthfathers (also known as first fathers) can get overlooked or left out.  In today’s adoption world (at least in the United States), most domestic infant adoptions are […]
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