• Most Topular Stories

  • Chicago Screening Adoption Film; “A Girl Like Her”

    Musings of the Lame- Exposing Adoption Truth
    Claudia Corrigan DArcy
    8 Apr 2014 | 7:30 am
    What: Film Screening of A Girl Like Her" and Discussion with Filmmaker Ann Fessler When: Thursday May 1st, 2014 at 6:00pm Where: The Museum of Contemporary Photography (MoCP) Ferguson Lecture Hall, 600 South Michigan Avenue, Chicago IL Bonus: Adoption Community AND Ann Fessler herself! read more... → Come on by to Musings of the Lame to read the rest of this post. Come on, you know you want to!
  • Remembering Jeni

    Adoption Truth
    21 Mar 2014 | 6:46 pm
    It almost seems like a lifetime ago when I was first breaking free of my denial, finding the courage to use my voice, speak out about the truth of what adoption had done to me, my oldest son, my entire family.Back, in 2008, when I first started this blog, I was on one of the worst emotional challenges I had ever known in my life.  When I look back at that time now, it’s like seeing this tidal wave of emotions and confusion and pain and loss coming at me, again and again.  And I was so powerless then to stop it, to protect myself from everything I was going through.The denial I so…
  • Emotional Unpacking; One Week After the American Adoption Congress Conference

    Musings of the Lame- Exposing Adoption Truth
    Claudia Corrigan DArcy
    23 Apr 2014 | 9:17 am
    So Much Adoption in Just Five San Francisco Days. After going to more than a few adoption conferences, it might seem silly to say that they are life changing events. I mean, really, how many times can one's life really change? But I have to say, that I did walk away with one giant realization when I got home. read more... → Come on by to Musings of the Lame to read the rest of this post. Come on, you know you want to!
  • Would You Read It Carved Into A Stone Tablet?

    23 Apr 2014 | 2:06 pm
    book cover art by Mollie Ito Roark I’m so excited. My mini-memoir, The Mouse Room, was published by SheBooks a few weeks ago.  Yahoo! I’ve been working not this crazy story for decades- first as fiction, then as part of longer piece, then finally as this little 33-page memoir. I’m proud of it. I worked really hard at it and had some fabulous editing by the folks at SheBooks. I’ve gotten wonderful responses so far. Some very cool Amazon reviews. But one of the things I was not expecting, was to hear several people say to me, “I’d love to read your book, but…
  • DoS Alert - Adoption Scams and Fraud

    Parents for Ethical Adoption Reform (PEAR)
    9 Apr 2014 | 9:18 am
    Actions U.S. citizens can take in Response to Adoption Scams and FraudThe Department of State is aware of a growing number of adoption scams in which individuals are offering to match prospective adoptive parents with a child who is allegedly available for intercountry adoption. In Hague Adoption Convention countries, matching is done by the Central Authority, another public authority, and in some cases, by accredited bodies, but not by private individuals. U.S. citizen prospective adoptive parents should refer to the relevant country information sheet and fully understand that…
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    Musings of the Lame- Exposing Adoption Truth

  • Emotional Unpacking; One Week After the American Adoption Congress Conference

    Claudia Corrigan DArcy
    23 Apr 2014 | 9:17 am
    So Much Adoption in Just Five San Francisco Days. After going to more than a few adoption conferences, it might seem silly to say that they are life changing events. I mean, really, how many times can one's life really change? But I have to say, that I did walk away with one giant realization when I got home. read more... → Come on by to Musings of the Lame to read the rest of this post. Come on, you know you want to!
  • BAD BILL!! Louisiana Adoptee Rights Bill HB No. 1028; It’s Got to GO!

    Claudia Corrigan DArcy
    22 Apr 2014 | 12:32 pm
    According to my source, Senator Daniel Martiny, who is a FRIEND of adoption and actually understands this issue, has said that if he gets calls, letters, and such OPPOSING bill #1028, then he will NOT pursue it for the Senate. So we need to contact Sen. Martiny TODAY and stop this bill. read more... → Come on by to Musings of the Lame to read the rest of this post. Come on, you know you want to!
  • Using Social Media in AdoptionLand to Keep on Christie and New Jersey Pressure

    Claudia Corrigan DArcy
    16 Apr 2014 | 5:10 pm
    By working together and supporting each other, we can conceivable CONTROL the information found on line about adoption. Here's my best and easiest social media tricks and tips that we need to use NOW to get the NJ birthright bill passed! read more... → Come on by to Musings of the Lame to read the rest of this post. Come on, you know you want to!
  • The Adoption Culture in the UK – Are Things Better Across the Pond?

    9 Apr 2014 | 7:39 am
    It must be said, that the biggest downfall in the American adoption system is the agencies that operate within it, a notion that any visitor to this site shall surely agree with. The fact that these are private organisations making a profit from the system commodifies human life. In Britain, then, there is no charge to use the services of an adoption agency, or to enlist one to help you through the adoption process. read more... → Come on by to Musings of the Lame to read the rest of this post. Come on, you know you want to!
  • Chicago Screening Adoption Film; “A Girl Like Her”

    Claudia Corrigan DArcy
    8 Apr 2014 | 7:30 am
    What: Film Screening of A Girl Like Her" and Discussion with Filmmaker Ann Fessler When: Thursday May 1st, 2014 at 6:00pm Where: The Museum of Contemporary Photography (MoCP) Ferguson Lecture Hall, 600 South Michigan Avenue, Chicago IL Bonus: Adoption Community AND Ann Fessler herself! read more... → Come on by to Musings of the Lame to read the rest of this post. Come on, you know you want to!
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  • Would You Read It Carved Into A Stone Tablet?

    23 Apr 2014 | 2:06 pm
    book cover art by Mollie Ito Roark I’m so excited. My mini-memoir, The Mouse Room, was published by SheBooks a few weeks ago.  Yahoo! I’ve been working not this crazy story for decades- first as fiction, then as part of longer piece, then finally as this little 33-page memoir. I’m proud of it. I worked really hard at it and had some fabulous editing by the folks at SheBooks. I’ve gotten wonderful responses so far. Some very cool Amazon reviews. But one of the things I was not expecting, was to hear several people say to me, “I’d love to read your book, but…
  • AWP Seattle!

    1 Apr 2014 | 10:32 pm
    cool souvenirs I brought home BEFORE: I’m so excited. I’m so so so so excited! I should be packing, but instead I am poring over the schedule and all the details for the upcoming AWP (Association of Writers and Writing Programs) conference in Seattle, where I’ll be headed tomorrow!! I first attended AWP in Tempe, Arizona back when I was a MFA student twenty years ago (!) and one of our fantastic professors, Elmaz Abinader, took a little group of us to our first writers’ conference. It blew my mind, and introduced me to the incredible world of authors and poets and…
  • Blindsided

    24 Jul 2013 | 9:29 am
    I’ve been putting off going to my eye doctor for a couple of years now, even though I really need it. I’m supposed to go annually ever since my diabetes diagnosis. Even though I have to take off my glasses and hold a piece of paper up to my nose to read it, I still procrastinate. Beyond having a ridiculously busy schedule, I have to ask WHY? I keep forgetting the name of the opthamologist. I keep having to ask my endocrinologist, What was her name again? And I write it down. And then I forget again. Today I remembered something which I think is the clue to my…
  • Road Trip Writing: The Secret Undisclosed Location

    18 Apr 2013 | 8:44 am
    The final leg of my nomadic writing sabbatical took place last week in a Secret Undisclosed Location in the Sierra foothills. One of my dear writing friends recently bought an amazing cabin/cathedral/barnlike structure DEEP in the forest (and I mean deep!). It is very beautiful and very remote. She invited me and another friend to come and have a writing retreat there. It’s quite stunning, out there in the woods. I woke up to amazing views of the forest. It took some very lovely walks and got back into the silent walk>writing routine. That was really nice. manzanita forest We shared…
  • Feral, then Friended

    11 Apr 2013 | 7:49 am
    the silent walking cure As it turned out, I was not as happy or productive being completely alone as I’d anticipated. In fact, things got a little weird during the three days I was in the Crabby Cottage on my own, before my friend M arrived. I’d been at many colonies and retreats before – LOVING the solitude – for periods as long as eight weeks. But those situations involved being alone for most of the day but then gathering with other writers for dinner in the evening. I had no idea how different it would be 24/7. It wasn’t just being lonely. I was pretty…
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    Parents for Ethical Adoption Reform (PEAR)

  • DoS Alert - Adoption Scams and Fraud

    9 Apr 2014 | 9:18 am
    Actions U.S. citizens can take in Response to Adoption Scams and FraudThe Department of State is aware of a growing number of adoption scams in which individuals are offering to match prospective adoptive parents with a child who is allegedly available for intercountry adoption. In Hague Adoption Convention countries, matching is done by the Central Authority, another public authority, and in some cases, by accredited bodies, but not by private individuals. U.S. citizen prospective adoptive parents should refer to the relevant country information sheet and fully understand that…
  • DoS Adoption Alert: International Families, Inc. Hague Accreditation canceled

    28 Mar 2014 | 6:21 pm
    March 28, 2014On March 27, 2014, the Council on Accreditation (COA) canceled the Hague accreditation of International Families, Inc. for failing to maintain substantial compliance with the U.S. accreditation standards at 22 Code of Federal Regulations Part 96 Subpart F. Prior to this date, International Families, Inc. was a Hague accredited adoption service provider authorized to operate in both Hague and non-Hague countries.As a result of this cancellation, International Families, Inc. must cease to provide all adoption services in connection with cases covered under the Hague Adoption…
  • DOS Notice: Adoptions from Haiti to Begin Under the Hague Adoption Convention on April 1, 2014

    27 Mar 2014 | 10:04 am
    On April 1, 2014, the Hague Convention on Protection of Children and Co-Operation in Respect of Intercountry Adoption (Convention) will enter into force in Haiti.  The United States will be able to process Convention intercountry adoptions from Haiti that are initiated on or after April 1, 2014.  However, please note that delays may occur while Haiti’s adoption authority, the Institut du Bien-Être Social et de Recherches (IBESR), implements a Convention-consistent adoption process, including finalizing the schedule of in-country fees. The Government of Haiti has…
  • FY 2013 Annual Report on Intercountry Adoption

    24 Mar 2014 | 9:01 am
    DOS released the FY 2013 Annual Report on Intercountry Adoption:, Transparency, Support~ What All Adoptions Deserve. for Ethical Adoption Reform
  • International Adoption Status in Crimea

    21 Mar 2014 | 8:04 am
    Given recent events in Ukraine, many parents are understandably concerned about the status of their adoptions from children in the Crimea region of the country.  According to Ambassador Susan Jacobs, the United States Embassy in Kiev is working directly with a number of parents whose adoptions have been affected by this volatile situation.  The Embassy is also working directly with the Ukrainian government to determine how these political changes will impact in-process adoptions.  Because Ukraine is not a signatory to the Convention, the Hague Process does…
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    Lavender Luz

  • CLOSURE Film: Review & Special Denver Screening Information

    Lori Lavender Luz
    14 Apr 2014 | 7:45 am
    Angela Tucker is a transracial adoptee who joined a family in the Pacific Northwest after being born in the South and placed into the foster care system. Closure is a film that documents Angela’s two-year search for her birth family and its efect on her, her adoptive family, her husband, and, of course, members of […]
  • 5 Easy Steps to Goop Yourself

    Lori Lavender Luz
    5 Apr 2014 | 11:00 am
    Yeah, Gwyneth Paltrow as front page news is fading as other more timely topics encroach (Letterman’s exit, Lorde embracing her flaws, or that couple banned from naming their son “WikiLeaks”). But still she’s on my mind. Or at least her website,, is. How did it get such a silly name? I’m guessing it’s either […]
  • Confession: I’m with Gwyneth

    Lori Lavender Luz
    30 Mar 2014 | 9:00 am
    I remember seeing Gwyneth Paltrow in Shakespeare in Love back in the day, but I haven’t sought her out in any later movies. And until this week, I’d never even heard of her lifestyle website, Goop, much less visited it. Sure, she’s been faintly on my radar for years — she’s gorgeous, wealthy, and married […]
  • Firsts and Lasts and In Betweens: I Miss You, Jeni Flock

    Lori Lavender Luz
    23 Mar 2014 | 8:00 am
    Truth be told, it was Jeni who made the first move. Before I drew a wider circle, Jeni reached out to me. I didn’t know at the time the extent to which she was a boisterous extravert, a curious humanitarian, a mushy marshmallow heart linked to a wickedly smart and witty mind. But I was […]
  • Hashing it out on NBC: More on the Marijuana Talks

    Lori Lavender Luz
    10 Mar 2014 | 10:45 am
    I had such fun writing my last post on talking with kids about pot, especially concocting the subheadings. But it had gotten past the length of one post, so here are some follow-on thoughts, specifically about comparing marijuana to alcohol. ~~~~~ Weeding out my thoughts A few weeks ago I was interviewed about moms and […]
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    O Momma Writes

  • Reduce Your Chances of Falling Prey to Medical Malpractice

    Ashley Roberts
    20 Apr 2014 | 3:06 pm
    When a patient seeks the care of a physician, he or she trusts that the doctor will do everything possible to improve the condition or injury. Unfortunately, medical staff members do make mistakes. Even a small misstep can have grave consequences. According to the American Medical Association, roughly 225,000 people die every year as a result of medical malpractice. Many more people are seriously injured or experience a worsened condition at the hands of a negligent doctor. There are a few steps patients can take to minimize the chances that they will have to call upon a medical malpractice…
  • Five Reasons Why Your Childs Play House Needs Regular Cleaning

    Ashley Roberts
    14 Apr 2014 | 6:43 am
    Nothing says childhood like a good play house or cubby. And for parents – it can be a great place to send the kids to ensure you get a bit of peace and quiet. However, before you send your cherubs off to their playhouse, make sure you have thought of these reasons why it is essential to regularly clean out their play areas. Ants Ants may seem harmless but when they bite, they can pack a punch – especially to a small child. Most play areas are scattered with crumbs of food which is an ant’s paradise. If you don’t clean up those food scraps regularly – you are basically inviting ants…
  • 5 Most Common Workplace Injuries

    Ashley Roberts
    14 Apr 2014 | 6:28 am
    Irrespective of the industry or job you work in, Work Health and Safety (WH&S) will be one of your key responsibilities both as an employer and employee. For employers, laws have tightened and penalties can lead to massive and/or imprisonment for serious breaches of safety. So what are the best ways to ensure the safety and wellbeing of everyone that sets foot inside your workplace? Read on … 1. Injuries caused by overexertion This includes musculoskeletal injuries caused by pulling, lifting, pushing, holding, carrying or throwing. Accounting for about 60% of all workplace…
  • 5 Unusual Methods For Getting Rid of Stretch Marks, That Really Work

    Ashley Roberts
    14 Apr 2014 | 6:12 am
    Stretch marks can happen for plenty of reasons; the most common being pregnancy. However much we love our children; we don’t necessarily want those purple childbirth reminders on our skin for the rest of our lives! Stretch marks can also just happen during growth spurts or losing and gaining weight in short periods of time. However you have gained your tiger stripes, you may want to consider making them lighter and less noticeable. We’ve found five of the most unusual methods for getting rid of stretch marks (that actually work)! Image source 1. Vicks VapoRub This is by far the weirdest…
  • Unusual Things to do in New Zealand

    Ashley Roberts
    11 Apr 2014 | 7:00 am
    New Zealand is defined by its natural beauty, with its ability to inspire the mind and help you lose all concept of time. As a born and bred Kiwi (or JAFA, locals will understand this, Google the meaning at your own risk) you could say that I’m a bit bias when it comes to talking about the wondrous Aotearoa – Yes I mean Land of the Long White Cloud, Kiwi Land, Middle Earth or just plain old New Zealand for those of you playing at home. It’s really no surprise as to why New Zealand is an explorer’s paradise; effortlessly unifying cosmopolitan metropolis with old timey traditions and…
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    welcome to my brain . net

  • Six years

    16 Apr 2014 | 5:44 am
    (November 2010 - Elizabeth Knox Photography)Six years ago today we became a family of seven. It has been the hardest six years of our lives. For all of us. We share this - the struggles, the pain, the very difficult memories. It has also been the greatest six years of our lives. For all of us. We share this - the healing, the joy, the love that was proven day after day and the family.We are a family. (May 2013)My children are my heroes. They deserve this. They deserve family and hard, hard, hard work from their parents. I talk with a lot of parents to help them learn and stay present in a way…
  • Help with the day-to-day

    26 Mar 2014 | 10:45 am
    I have used Facebook much more over the past two years, and it has replaced a lot of my information sharing I used to do on this blog.  I like the immediacy of it and the ability to engage in conversation.  It also makes more sense to send out quick links to articles on my Facebook coaching page than to create a blog post for those small items.Unfortunately, due to continued policy changes, fewer and fewer (as little as 5% - 10%) of those who follow my coaching Facebook page actually see the content I post in their newsfeeds. I have created a solution.  For those who would like…
  • Help and Support for Parents for $3

    13 Mar 2014 | 4:21 pm
    I am very excited to tell you how you can have instant access to "Chaos to Healing: Therapeutic Parenting 101," day or night, for just a $2.99 rental fee.  Since its creation, this video has been utilized by therapists and foster parent organizations across the globe.  It continues to help parents and other caregivers learn a new way to help children with deep struggles and challenging behaviors.When Billy Kaplan and I created this video resource, our goal was to make something for parents and professionals that was affordable, practical and full of quality information based on the…
  • SPACE Conference in Illinois

    13 Mar 2014 | 2:42 pm
    Once again, I will be attending and speaking at the Parenting in SPACE Conference, April 12-13 just outside Chicago, Illinois.  The registration costs will increase again on March 25, so I wanted to put it in front of you one more time, in case you've been putting off your decision to attend.Lindsay Crapo and I will be hosting the pre-conference for moms.  This will be a relaxed time to connect in a smaller group, receive some encouragement and develop some wonderful friendships which will carry you throughout the following year. The two of us will also be doing a break-out…
  • A playa lesson that stuck

    8 Mar 2014 | 10:52 am
    This would be me.  Burning Man 2012.I was reminded again this week (and last month) of another life lesson the playa taught me. I am responsible for my own experience.I am responsible for my own pleasure. No matter what is thrown at me.  No matter what happens to me and around me.  I have choice.  I have power.  I have complete control over my own response to everything.In parenting.  In relationships.  In travel.  In work.  In life.I am responsible for my own experience. "In the final analysis, the questions of why bad things happen to good people…
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    A Birth Project

  • I’ll be in AZ April 5th, 7pm at Black Theatre Troupe!

    Lisa Marie
    31 Mar 2014 | 12:14 pm
    Filed under: Uncategorized Tagged: adoptee, Adoption, one woman show, reproductive justice, solo theater, theater, Transracial Adoption, ungratefuldaughter
  • News and tickets to Los Angeles Women’s Theater Festival March 29th!

    Lisa Marie
    2 Mar 2014 | 5:01 pm
    Check out my March 2014 newsletter with all my updated information about upcoming performances and workshops for the next few months. Lots of good workshops for parenting and performances, readings coming up!! yay! I’m excited to share that I’ll be performing an excerpt of “Ungrateful Daughter” in the 2014 Los Angeles Women’s Theater Festival. Please come and please share with the folks you know in the area. This is my first time performing the work in the LA Area and I want to make sure my people come to see it! Description of and trailer for the show When:…
  • I’m a New Columnist at Lost Daughter’s blog! Yay!

    Lisa Marie
    8 Oct 2013 | 2:51 pm
    Been missing my blogs that focus on adoption and race? Well I’m happy to share that I will be regularly blogging for the wonderful “Lost Daughters” blog about once a month. Please check out my first post with them – up today! Not Holding My Tongue: On Blogging and the Politics of Adoption In other news – I’ve also been added to the Arts & Culture feature columnist list at the amazing Land Of Gazillion Adoptees Magazine! Look for my first article in Issue #3 coming in November. Yay! Some upcoming work:  October 16th at StageWerx in San Francisco,…
  • I got Nominated for an Oakland Indie Award!

    Lisa Marie
    17 Apr 2013 | 3:06 pm
    Friggin Sweeeet! I’m super excited to share with everyone I recently got word that I’ve been nominated for an Oakland Indie Award in the “Oakland Soul” category for my work with Third Root Art Collective and my activist work with UD and AFAAD. Yay! I’m honored that I can give love to Oakland and represent it with the love I feel for the Town.  Come celebrate with me! The winners will be announced at the 7th Annual Oakland Indie Award Celebration on May 30th, 2013. They will be held at the Kaiser Center, Rooftop Garden, 300 Lakeside Drive, Oakland,CA. Buy a ticket, bring the…
  • 2013 Update, Upcoming Events, stuff and things

    Lisa Marie
    13 Feb 2013 | 11:35 am
    Clearly *ahem *, its been a looooong time since I’ve updated you all here at “A Birth Project”. As you know, I’ve been writing “A Birth Project” since 2005!! The blog has opened up worlds of deep personal connections, as well as opportunities for me and I’m so thankful for this space. I’m most thankful for you, readers, who continue to subscribe, share my performance work and writing with your people, and supporting me. I’m still here and still doing my artist, advocate and academic work focusing on adoption and race, and still putting it…
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    Building Family Counseling

  • Sensory Perception Sensitivity

    Dawn Friedman
    23 Apr 2014 | 7:17 am
    This is so amazingly interesting: About 20 percent of people are born with a personality trait called sensory perception sensitivity (SPS) that can manifest itself as the tendency to be inhibited, or even neuroticism. The trait can be seen in some children who are “slow to warm up” in a situation but eventually join in, need little punishment, cry easily, ask unusual questions or have especially deep thoughts, the study researchers say. The new results show that these highly sensitive individuals also pay more attention to detail, and have more activity in certain regions of their…
  • Ohio Birthparent Group offering free info sessions on changes in adoption law

    Dawn Friedman
    19 Apr 2014 | 6:54 am
    Have questions about the New Ohio Adoption Records Law? Unsure what forms to use or when to submit them? Need help finding support for adoption issues- including search and reunion? Join Ohio Birthparent Group for a free info session on Ohio’s New Adoption Records Law! Public Info Session on Ohio’s New Adoption Records Law presented by Ohio Birthparent Group Saturday, May 31st 3:30pm-5:30pm Columbus Metropolitan MAIN LIBRARY 96 S. Grant Ave. Columbus, OH 43215 3rd Floor Board Room Seating is Limited, RSVP Required. Click the link below to register: Free Public Info Session on Ohio’s…
  • No guarantees in therapy

    Dawn Friedman
    17 Apr 2014 | 6:19 am
    Therapy is an investment of time and of money and it’d be nice if it came with guarantees but it doesn’t. There are just too many variables to make any promises about how therapy will work for any individual but there are some things you can do to get the most out of your time in the counselor’s office. Find the right counselor. Remember your progress comes down to the therapeutic relationship that you build with your therapist. If you want a more touchie-feelie counselor or a less touchie-feelie counselor then go find that person. Whether you want someone with lots of…
  • Needing context

    Dawn Friedman
    15 Apr 2014 | 8:30 am
    There’s a lot I don’t know and knowing what I don’t know is a big piece of being a good counselor. One of the most important things I do know is that I can’t make sense of anything without context. Because I work with kids and parents, people sometimes assume I must have hard and fast rules about what makes for good parenting but hard and fast rules only work on paper. In real life, we make decisions in the context of our histories and our current experiences. We are making big, well thought out decisions and we are making quick, on-the-fly decisions. Those decisions…
  • Letting kids be

    Dawn Friedman
    11 Apr 2014 | 6:19 am
    One of the things I really like about working with other people’s kids is that they are other people’s kids. When I’m playing with my child clients, it’s very easy to hang back and be observant and to feel invested in their play without fighting any urge to “help.” With my own children, it’s hard not to take advantage of so-called “learning opportunities.” It’s hard not to push a little bit — “What if we added this curved block there?” But I know from my time working with other people’s kids that hanging back…
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    Voices for Vietnam Adoption Integrity

  • VN Delegation Meets With Dillion International

    24 Apr 2014 | 8:45 am
    The Vietnamese delegation also visited with Dillon International of Tulsa, OK this week. Dillon International has facilitated more than 100 adoptions from Vietnam since 2000… A delegation from Vietnam is visiting the U.S. to meet potential agencies. “It’s just a real privilege to have these delegates here in Tulsa in our backyard to experience some […]
  • Holt Hosts VN Delegation

    22 Apr 2014 | 1:15 pm
    In a blog post dated April 18th, Holt International shared that they hosted four officials from Vietnam as part of the final selection process for resuming a limited adoption program in Vietnam. Composed of four government officials, including Mr. Nguyen Van Binh, director of the Central Adoption Authority in Vietnam, the delegation traveled to Holt’s […]
  • Hoping for Agency Transparency as Licensing Decisions are Made

    28 Mar 2014 | 7:44 am
      According to an AP news report from late last week, Office of Children’s Issues Special Ambassador Susan Jacobs expects “some adoptions from Vietnam – mostly involving children with special needs…to resume soon.  She said a Vietnamese delegation was due in the U.S. next month to interview U.S. adoption agencies with the aim of selecting […]
  • When Adoptions in Vietnam Begin Again…. Part 1

    21 Mar 2014 | 5:29 pm
    The following post comes to us from a new Guest Blogger, Tina, who adopted from Vietnam before the last shutdown. Thank you Tina, for stepping forward to share your experience and insight! When Adoptions in Vietnam Begin Again…. Part 1 All of us share the sincere hope that the new system in Vietnam adoptions will […]
  • Special Advisor for Children’s Issues Traveling to VN To Discuss Adoption

    8 Jan 2014 | 9:13 am
    In a media note released January 7, the State Department announced that Special Advisor for Children’s Issues, Susan Jacobs, will be traveling to Vietnam, Cambodia and China this week. While in the region, Special Advisor Jacobs will meet with government officials and non-governmental organizations to discuss the Hague Adoption Convention and strengthening child protection systems. […]
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    Writing My Wrongs

  • Taking Down the Wall [Book]

    Suz Bednarz
    18 Apr 2014 | 5:43 pm
    I returned from vacation today. I went to London for a week. As is typical of me, prior to my excursion, I loaded up my iPad Kindle with a few books. The only one I read was Taking Down the Wall by Christine Murphy. Christine is a found adoptee and in her book she chronicles her experience and process of integrating the many facets of her adopted and reunited life. I could go on and on about it but for now I merely want to recommend it.  Overall, what I loved most was her raw honesty in it.  I suspect my daughter feels (or felt) many of the emotions Christine expresses.  In fact, thinking…
  • Part 1: Co-Parenting with Adoption Loss

    Suz Bednarz
    31 Jan 2014 | 2:11 pm
    “Is there any history of tics, OCD, depression…in your family?” the doctor asks. “Uh…” I pause in my answering as I think about my immediate family. We often thought that the addiction issues several family members once struggled with were rooted in depression. Should I mention that? It is not official, just a guess, a desire to explain the unexplained. Will it help the present situation or hurt it? How about the social anxiety I have struggled with since childhood? Or perhaps, my personal, self-diagnosis that I struggle with a sensory processing disorder? Maybe I should mention…
  • Credit Where Credit is Due

    Suz Bednarz
    27 Jan 2014 | 10:30 am
    I was alerted today that an individual unknown to me is using my photo/banner (picture of me, my back tat, looking out at Chicago), as their personal pro pic for Facebook. This connected the dots on a question someone else asked me a few weeks ago. The question posed to me was “do you have another facebook profile under a different name?”.  I answered friend and informed her I only had one profile, under my real name, and I asked her why she would ask such a question. She never responded. Today, when I was alerted of this stranger (that seems to have some connection to adoption)…
  • Morningtide

    Suz Bednarz
    19 Jan 2014 | 11:03 am
    Chloe & Isabel launched a capsule collection a few days ago called Morningtide. The collection contains light blue, white and pink hues and makes use of the stone known as howlite. I think “nautical” when I view this collection. Take a peek and see if you do too. You can view the online catalog or go right to my online boutique to shop. While I have yet to announce an organization to benefit from January sales, I encourage you to consider checking out the collection. As is always the case, 30% of all sales will be donated to worthy organization. I am looking for additional US…
  • Dreaming of bGramps

    Suz Bednarz
    14 Jan 2014 | 2:23 pm
    I had an incredibly lucid dream last night about my daughter’s paternal grandfather. He was in the dream and in the dream I was telling him about his first born granddaughter, the child I had with his oldest son, a child he does not know exists. Said grandfather has at least three other granddaughters (my daughters half sibs on her fathers side). It was an emotional and rather sad dream. It is at least eight waking hours later and I still feel the way I felt in the dream. I am always amazed how powerful and vivid my adoption trauma dreams are. I have had many things happen in my life,…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop Adoption / Foster Care

  • Share Your Heartfelt or Funny Moments of Being a Foster or an Adoptive Mother

    22 Apr 2014 | 1:00 am
    I can't believe how quickly Mother's Day will be here.  I thought we'd start with one of my favorite pieces where we ask readers to finish the following sentence"You know you're a foster or adoptive mother when..."...Read Full Post
  • April Is also National Poetry Month

    20 Apr 2014 | 1:00 am
    I really enjoy poetry. Not just the reading of poems, but the writing of poetry as well. We have many talented readers who also enjoy writing adoption poems and many have shared adoption poems of their own. Some poems featured on the site have been written by adoptive parents, adoptees, or by birth family....Read Full Post
  • April Is National Child Abuse Prevention Month

    1 Apr 2014 | 1:00 am
    April is a time to raise awareness of abuse and neglect issues and to encourage communities to support children and families who are suffering. Foster Care is one way to offer that support and to help families get back on their feet and reunified, learning new coping techniques and parenting skills....Read Full Post
  • New Articles for March 2014

    31 Mar 2014 | 2:56 pm
    Suggested Reading/New Articles and Features: Adoption Search Angel for Texas and Parts of Louisiana Financial Aid Basics for Foster Care Students Understanding and Managing the Loss that Comes with a Forever Family - by Andrea Hare Transitions - Defining a word that is used often in child welfare.
  • Cute Gifts Inspired by Easter or Spring

    29 Mar 2014 | 1:00 am
    So, according to the calendar - it's spring.  I still needed my winter coat this past weekend - but the calendar says it's spring - so I'm a believer. So, what better time than now to create some cute handmade gifts with the kids?...Read Full Post
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    [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum

  • The post-Easter reminiscence: Everybody's Got Something

    21 Apr 2014 | 12:31 pm
    Before we beganI meant to write a post for Easter but I was so busy with cooking for 12 on Friday and Saturday, time got away. And then Sunday was taken up with the more-or-less annual Easter lunch. Here I am today, Monday afternoon.Holidays can be depressing for anyone whose family is far-flung--whether or not there is a relinquished child in the past--and it certainly has been that way for me. It took some years but eventually I learned that as a transplant from the Midwest I needed to recreate the kinds of holiday events that I grew up with. As for Easter? In the Polish household is is not…
  • How to influence lawmakers to reform adoption law

    18 Apr 2014 | 5:53 pm
    JaneI played hooky during the recent American Adoption Congress conference and spent time with my youngest daughter Julie who lives in San Francisco and my husband Jay. Julie works in politics, helping solid Democrat candidates get elected.  Here's her advice with some of my own thoughts about getting legislators to support adoption reform.The average legislator likely knows nothing about adopt reform. Ask him what he thinks about adoption and he's likely to say "It's unfair to mothers who were promised confidentiality to open records. Adoption needs to be easier and quicker so that…
  • A whopping YES to the question: Should adoptees have their birth certificates?

    17 Apr 2014 | 12:47 pm
    LorraineNinety-five percent of the people who voted in the poll sponsored by New York NOW , a NPR affiliate from Albany, were in favor of adoptees having unrestricted access to their original birth certificates at age 18. The voting is closed.Yes, we know this is not a scientific poll. But it is a no-brainer that adults--who have every other right and obligation of society--should unequivocally have the right to his or her original birth certificate, the official record of an individual. The amended "birth" certificate is a lie. It is not a record of a birth; it is a record of a legal…
  • Do adoptees have a right to their birth certificates? VOTE NOW.

    15 Apr 2014 | 7:30 am
    UPDATE: LINK TO VIDEOBill of Rights for adoptees pushed in AlbanyLorraine at public hearing on adoptee billDo you believe adopted individuals should have the right to access their original birth certificates at age 18? A controversial bill in New York would allow just that.  (Several other states are trying to also do the right thing.) Vote here!The question 160 years ago would have been: Do you believe that people brought here from Africa should be freed from slavery? A controversial bill in Washington would allow just that. Vote here!The battle is on again in New York to allow adopted…
  • At AAC: Transracial adoption from those who live it

    11 Apr 2014 | 7:25 am
    Jane & Julie at Chinatown GateJane here. I'm at the American Adoption Conference in San Francisco with my husband, Jay. Along with hearing some great speakers, I'm spending some time with my youngest daughter, Julie, who moved here from Washington DC last year. Last night the three of us went to Chinatown for dinner.San Francisco always has special meaning for me because my first daughter, Rebecca, who I surrendered, was born here. While awaiting her birth, I lived only a few blocks from the hotel hosting the Conference. I don't find myself stressed out over this, no grief, no sighs of…
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    Our Little Tongginator

  • I Have a Cold, Cold Heart

    11 Apr 2014 | 4:00 am
    This is a not-so-short PSA announcing that I just may shoot myself if I have to hear even one more off-key, beltingly loud version of Frozen's "Let It Go."  I know you mommas of girls know what I'm talking about.  I think every North American girl between the ages of three and 11 knows nearly every line of that movie and the entire! stinkin'! soundtrack!And even some of the boys. I actually loved the movie the first time I saw it.  And the second.  And even possibly the tenth.  But now?  Now I basically want to shoot myself in the eye every time I hear the…
  • Awkward Conversation #327

    14 Feb 2014 | 1:15 pm
    I don't know about y'all, but I try very hard to stay out of my childrens' social lives, especially the Tongginator's now that she is approaching ten.  Every once in awhile, I might make a comment to the Tongginator about an incident with a friend, or we might role-play how a future interaction might go better, but I rarely talk with other parents about girl drama.I believe in the "work it out yourselves" school of thought. On Valentine's Day the Tongginator came home from a playdate. Now that I think about it, at what age do you stop calling these things…
  • Sickness, Day Eleven

    28 Jan 2014 | 7:02 am
    We are heading into Day 11 of Sickness at Tonggu House and I'm feeling a bit twitchy.  The Tongginator is back at school after a week lying on the couch, watching The Food Network and House Hunters and listening to me nag her about drinking enough.  I swear this child is like a camel: she can go for days without drinking anything.  Which is quite useful during long car trips, but not so much when she's trying to recover from a nasty cold.Today Squirt entered Day Three of her pajama fashion show.  And by this I mean I've carted her everywhere - the grocery store, the pharmacy,…
  • All or Nothing: We Deal with Both at This House

    27 Jan 2014 | 1:25 pm
    Just when you (mistakenly) think you've got everything figured out, life throws you another curve ball.  I've spent the past nine years walking through the minefield of "adoption and race stuff" with the Tongginator, trying my best to hear and support her voice.  After years of wandering around, blindly trying to lead and follow at the same time, we've come to a good place, she and I.  I have made and do make mistakes, of course, but I feel confident that we have a level of trust between us that allows her to express her opinions without fear of hurting my feelings,…
  • 50 Books About Being Different

    22 Jan 2014 | 5:49 am
    I've been on a bit of a book kick this past year, probably because I got all riled up at our county library this past summer.  It seems our library's "Summer Reading Program" isn't actually as advertized, and is instead a "Summer Activities Program."  My Tongginator read all of the books on the rising fourth grader list, but was told by an oh-so-friendly librarian that she would not in fact receive the prize advertized for the READING program because she failed to attend an afternoon ACTIVITY sponsored by the library the previous week, a magic show…
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    Adoption Truth

  • Heidi Russo . . . You STILL Don't Speak For Me

    15 Apr 2014 | 4:24 pm
    ---“To blame others for your decision to PLACE your child for adoption, not GIVE UP, is such a lack of accountability and responsibility. Own your decisions, the pain, the tears, the heartache, the worry, the unknown, the lifelong journey and the beauty that follows the ashes. I don't speak for everyone, I speak of my own journey. I speak of walking arm in arm with other birthmoms, adoptive moms and adoptees as we walk through the fear that has separated us for decades. I speak of raising birthmoms from a place of shame to a place of honor where they can hold their heads high and be proud…
  • Remembering Jeni

    21 Mar 2014 | 6:46 pm
    It almost seems like a lifetime ago when I was first breaking free of my denial, finding the courage to use my voice, speak out about the truth of what adoption had done to me, my oldest son, my entire family.Back, in 2008, when I first started this blog, I was on one of the worst emotional challenges I had ever known in my life.  When I look back at that time now, it’s like seeing this tidal wave of emotions and confusion and pain and loss coming at me, again and again.  And I was so powerless then to stop it, to protect myself from everything I was going through.The denial I so…
  • Creating A Crisis

    3 Mar 2014 | 9:38 pm
    - - - “I am a birthmom working with pregnancy resource centers to establish wordtracks for counselors to talk to pregnant women about the choice of adoption. I would appreciate if other birthmoms can respond with their initial objections to choosing adoption and what helped them overcome that. Thank you!” - - -That wonderful gem was left on the Open Adoption Support Facebook Page.  I tried but couldn’t verify if it was truly a First Mom asking the question or not.  But it was sickening to see somebody working with pregnancy resource centers – because we all know how…
  • Heidi Russo . . . You Don't Speak For Me

    4 Feb 2014 | 8:02 pm
    There are certain things Heidi Russo and I have in common. Twenty six years ago she gave up her son Colin Kaepernickjust as, twenty six years ago, I gave up my oldest son for adoption.  She believed, as I did, that she wasn’t good enough for her own child.  That he deserved better than she could give him and that the only way she could prove her love was to give him away to a couple more “deserving” of her own flesh and blood.She also, just like I did, had promises of openness in her son’s adoption that were broken.  Her son’s adoption completely closed when he was…
  • Giving Away Baby

    31 Jan 2014 | 8:27 pm
    This article,  Facebook Status: Social Media Baby Boom, is the kind of stuff fairy tales are made of  . . .Infertile couple desperately wants a child to call their own, vulnerable, pregnant  mother sees their profile on Facebook, gives birth and hands her baby away to infertile couple and everyone rides off happily ever after into the sunset.Doesn’t it give you the warm, fuzzy feeling to know, with social media, babies are becoming less and less human and more and more the desired product of infertile couples seeking to satisfy their desires for a family?Isn’t it a great…
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    One Thankful Mom | Lisa Qualls

  • Just A Normal Day

    Lisa Qualls
    24 Apr 2014 | 6:00 am
    Russ got home Tuesday night, went to work all day Wednesday, and was asleep by 7:30 last night. He had a great trip, with two wells drilled and lots of progress made on the water projects. Even with my crazy medical stuff, the kids and I weathered his trip very well. This feels like the […]
  • Tuesday Topic: How do We Help Our Kids Love the Skin They’re In?

    Lisa Qualls
    22 Apr 2014 | 7:19 am
    Today’s Tuesday Topic is from Melissa, who asks, How do we help our kids love the skin they’re in? My eight year old daughter (adopted from Africa as a baby) wrote me the sweetest letter and picture yesterday saying she loves me with all her heart and she’s glad I’m her mom, and she drew […]
  • Pressing the Pause Button

    Lisa Qualls
    21 Apr 2014 | 7:58 am
    There’s nothing like spending four days on the critical care unit of a hospital to prompt me to examine my life. Too much time in my day is revolving around my health – doctors, blood draws, and medications that make me feel crummy, but this has caused me to press the pause button on my […]
  • The Garment of Humility – a Hospital Gown

    Lisa Qualls
    17 Apr 2014 | 8:28 am
    I spent nearly four days in a hospital gown and it gave me pause. It was uncomfortable, in the bed where it twisted around me, and even more so when I was out of bed , holding it tightly closed with one hand on the way to the bathroom. I felt vulnerable and exposed. One […]
  • My Slightly Broken Heart Part 2

    Lisa Qualls
    16 Apr 2014 | 7:30 am
    This story was long, too long for a blog post, despite the fact that I tried to make it concise, so I broke it into two parts, intending to post them one day after another. In retrospect, I realize that while I know the whole story, it is unkind to leave you all hanging. So […]
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    Rage Against the Minivan

  • What I want you to know about having a parasite in my eye

    24 Apr 2014 | 3:30 am
    What I Want You to Know is a series of reader submissions. It is an attempt to allow people to tell their personal stories, in the hopes of bringing greater compassion to the unique issues each of us face. If you would like to submit a story to this series, click here. Today’s guest posts is by Kellie.In 2007 I was diagnosed with a parasitic infection in my eye. It was horribly painful, both the infection and the treatment. The parasite was chomping away on my cornea, eating it and any other microbes that were present. Treatment consisted of 7 different eye drops, administered each hour,…
  • Wednesday's Child: Joseph in Louisville

    23 Apr 2014 | 12:00 pm
    Every Wednesday I feature a child recently highlighted by a local Wednesday's Child newscast to share the stories of children from around the country who are waiting for a family. My hope is that this can broaden exposure for the children highlighted, but also serve as a reminder that these children represent thousands of children currently in the foster-care system. Perhaps their stories will inspire you to consider opening your home to a child needing a family. For more information and to learn about other waiting children, visit AdoptUsKids
  • If you wouldn’t say it about a boob job . . . (a guide for adoption questions)

    22 Apr 2014 | 5:39 pm
    My friend and fellow adoptive parent Jesse Butterworth just made this hilarious guide for knowing when and when not to ask questions about adoption, using a boob job as a reference point. I think it works quite nicely.
  • Questions of eternal significance: We’re talking about pens today.

    22 Apr 2014 | 4:18 am
    Are you a pen snob? I have never understood the people who buy expensive pens. When I was in private practice there was a guy in my office who kept an expensive Montblanc pen on his desk. Inevitably some intern would grab it to write notes, or hand it to a client to write a check, and it would wind up in the communal cup of office pens, or worse . . . lost completely. And then there would be a bunch of inter-office drama because his pen was lost, and had anyone seen it? Can everyone stop what they are doing and check to see if they have the bougie pen? And I would inwardly roll my eyes…
  • Easter 2014

    21 Apr 2014 | 10:23 pm
    Some snapshots from our Easter weekend . . .     On Saturday, we dyed 36 eggs, a fact I’m now living to regret as I try to force egg salad sandwiches on everyone in the house.     We go pretty light on the Easter baskets. Some new books, some fair-trade chocolate, some peeps. (I realized after the fact that Mark was accidently photo-bombing this photo with his butt. You’re welcome for that.)     We managed to make it to the early service at Verizon Amphitheater, which was another example of an Easter miracle.     The service was packed, the sun was…
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    Lost Daughters

  • I didn't need my biological mother--I just needed a mother

    24 Apr 2014 | 3:30 am
    It’s hard for me to believe that I matter. To anyone. And I cannot help but wonder if it is in large part because of my experience as an adoptee. Is it because the relationships that were supposed to matter the most in my life were severed and treated as though they were [are] disposable, replaceable, insignificant? Is it because I was treated as a transferable commodity--one that could be taken from one and given to another without any notable consequences? (I was supposed to never look back. I was supposed to be so grateful to have a family that losing my family was supposed to be a…
  • The mother I never met and the mother I had

    Trace A DeMeyer
    19 Apr 2014 | 3:00 am
    Trace's birthmother HelenAh, it was quite something to see some similarities between me and my birthmom Helen. I never met her but when she passed in 2007, I found an article about her in a Florida newspaper. I put the article away after reading it once but it mysteriously appeared in a file for the book I’m co-editing with Patricia Busbee. The new anthology CALLED HOME is about Native adoptees who felt “called home” and felt the urgent need to find their first families after adoption. Not all of us were adopted by happy people. I wrote in my memoir I felt wanted. Well, my aparents…
  • A conversation with one of "The Disappeared": An El Salvadoran adoptee and Korean adoptee discuss adoption, reunion & identity

    17 Apr 2014 | 3:30 am
    When I write here at Lost Daughters, I never know whether what I write will resonate with our readers. I share from my heart and experience as an adoptee hoping that someone out there will read what I write and perhaps not feel so alone as they navigate their way through the maze of adoption.One of my favorite parts about writing is when my writing allows me the opportunity to cross paths with inspiring, resilient, creative individuals--including recently, a Salvadoran adoptee, Nelson de Witt. He is the subject of as well as the producer and chief storyteller of the upcoming documentary,…
  • 12 Apr 2014 | 12:36 pm

    12 Apr 2014 | 12:36 pm
                            War, displacement and international adoptionMany countries where international adoption is or has been prevalent, war and conflict have also been present. For example, South Korea, Vietnam, Russia, Ukraine, Ethiopia, El Salvador, Colombia have all been affected by some sort of war or conflict(s) within the last 50 years.Wars often put financial strain on economies, cause damage to infrastructure and the environment, impede the proper functioning of…
  • Promises Promises

    10 Apr 2014 | 9:00 pm
    I am glad that I had the mom growing up that I had.  She was amazing and one of the best moms I could have hoped for.  She did all these amazing mom things, supported me no matter what (even in reunion), and was my best friend.  She wasn't perfect, but she's was pretty spectacular.  It's something I'll always be thankful for because I want to be thankful for if (there's a difference between choosing to be thankful and being told to be thankful in case you were wondering).That being said, I don't consider these past three years to be something that was "better" than what I…
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    One Inch of Grace

  • Homework horror

    18 Apr 2014 | 9:29 pm
    BC is in kindergarten this year and the homework situation is awful. Every Monday he brings home a packet of work that is due on Friday. For him, the work is simple – one digit addition, writing punctuation, and short spelling words like “it” and “can.” I know he can do the work, yet he seems to enjoy making things more difficult. He often claims that he forgot how to sound out certain letters when he had read them perfectly fine the night before. It takes him a very long time to get through homework and he gets upset when BE finishes before him and gets to play.
  • BC’s 6th Birthday

    30 Mar 2014 | 9:57 pm
    BC had his 6th birthday earlier this month. I keep thinking about when first we met him, he was just over a year old and still learning to walk. He’s still as fearless as he was back then. Earlier this month he delivered a monologue at a school program and the audience loved him – check out the video (I apologize for the dark images – I tried to distort the video because I generally don’t share photos of the kids publicly)
  • Love in the D

    15 Mar 2014 | 3:01 pm
    J and I got married in 2005 in the Detroit suburbs. At that time, I hardly had any experience with Detroit. I had rarely been there and couldn’t find my way around at all. We had a perfect wedding and I wouldn’t change anything, but now that I know Detroit much better, I’ve discovered that there are so many wonderful wedding options here. So, I was excited when I had the opportunity to write for Love in the D, a blog focused on local and socially conscious weddings.  If you’re planning to get married in the city, this blog is a great resource, featuring wedding…
  • Thankful

    12 Mar 2014 | 7:10 pm
    I always make my kids write thank you notes for the gifts they receive, usually for Christmas and birthdays. BE just had her 9th birthday, so we were working on thank you notes for her friends. For the first time ever, I got a thank you note. I was so happy that she was thoughtful enough to do this unprompted and that she really appreciated her gift. I’m working hard to hold onto the positive things; I spend too much time dwelling on the negative. She needs a little work on her past tense
  • BE’s 9th Birthday

    24 Feb 2014 | 6:12 pm
    Hard to believe she turned 9 this month! In BE’s words, “just one more year until she’s a decade old.”
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  • Slum tourism and adoption.

    Daniel Ibn Zayd
    21 Apr 2014 | 5:53 am
    In a separate post we discussed the “slumming it” [link to post] of adoptive parents. Along these lines, I came across today a CHIFF supporter blog which reads: “After all, the poor will always be with us”. Rather Calvinist, as I’m fond of saying. There was also this, from an article about Kenya entitled: “Treated […]
  • The When of Human Trafficking (Adoption)

    Snow Leopard
    20 Apr 2014 | 6:59 am
    One question three ways: At its bluntest: when is the worst time in one’s life to be adopted? Asked more reflectively: what age at time of adoption creates the greatest risk for negative consequences in an orphan’s life (e.g., at birth, or up to age 2 or so when language is acquired, or from post-language […]
  • What does “Moving On” look like?

    14 Apr 2014 | 9:51 pm
    It seems at every juncture I turn and run smack into adoption.  I consciously try to avoid it, but it seems to seek me out. For four decades I just lived my life and denied my otherly status.  Let me tell you:  that wasn’t a healthy strategy, though the world seemed very content with that. […]
  • The Criteria for Choosing and Not Choosing

    Snow Leopard
    11 Apr 2014 | 1:07 pm
    I went to the local animal shelter yesterday. I do that sometimes. To get back to my roots. This is therefore in two parts. The first part summarises details from the trip. The second part poses some of the questions as: To be chosen or not to be chosen, is that the question? What are […]
  • What’s in a name? Re-thinking the terms “adoptee” and “adopted”

    Amy Mihyang Ginther
    8 Apr 2014 | 9:16 am
    I was proactive at a very young age. Ok, full disclosure: I am wordy-nerdy. I have been thinking about how we define ourselves as either adopted or as adoptees. Both of these words feel very much about action that happened TO us. One EFL site referred to adjectives ending in ‘ed’ as words that “show […]
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    Unsigned Masterpiece

  • Let’s Make A Film!

    Unsigned Masterpiece
    7 Apr 2014 | 8:00 am
    “Legal theme" may be broadly construed. You are free to choose any subject in which the relationship between law, justice, and society can be fashioned into a unique visual story.
  • 13 reasons…From The Humanist Adoptee

    Unsigned Masterpiece
    5 Apr 2014 | 5:01 am
    By way of Land of a Gazillion Adoptees, a recent post from The Humanist Adoptee: 13 Reasons Why Adopted Children Are Not Lucky From the comments to the above: It took me nearly 40 years to realize how adoption truly impacted me — and I am still discovering new things about myself. Over time, I […]
  • Equality (and adoption)

    Unsigned Masterpiece
    2 Apr 2014 | 5:00 am
    [I]t does seem that adoption is perceived by some members of the gay community as an indicator of equality with not just hetero adopters but with all hetero parents, adoptive or biological.
  • Power, Privilege (and adoption)

    Unsigned Masterpiece
    13 Mar 2014 | 12:53 pm
    Whether adoption has been through a for-profit or a not-for-profit agency, the consistent class, power and privilege differences between those relinquishing and those adopting stand out.
  • The memory that you don`t recall (and adoption)

    Unsigned Masterpiece
    26 Feb 2014 | 1:10 am
    I have a confession to make. I have never read The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier.  Ms. Verrier is the adoptive mother of a daughter. She began to study the trauma of separation while working on her PhD thesis. I came across a three-part interview with her. Everybody but me has probably seen it already […]
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    Together for Adoption

  • Urgency & Complexity — Our Main Session Speakers Addressing This Year’s Theme

    Dan Cruver
    7 Apr 2014 | 8:31 am
    *The church in the image above is our 2014 conference host.We now have our final main session speaker in place to help us address this year’s conference theme (“Urgency & Complexity: Biblical & Ethical Approaches to the Orphan Crisis”). Dr. Elizabeth Bartholet, a Professor of Law at Harvard, is joining us to speak on “Family First: International Adoption as a Human Rights Issue.” We are thrilled she will be with us this year as we consider the vitally important issues surrounding biblical and ethical approaches to the global orphan crisis.Dr. Bartholet…
  • The Love Story of the Incarnation

    Dan Cruver
    24 Feb 2014 | 11:12 am
    Below is a sermon I had the privilege of preaching this last Sunday at Shannon Forest Presbyterian Church of Greenville, South Carolina.
  • Know More Orphans

    Dan Cruver
    20 Feb 2014 | 4:05 pm
    Join Tony Merida, Russ Moore, Rick Morton, Bryan Loritts, and many others for Altar 84′s Know More Orphans Conference.Learn more about this excellent conference!Know More Orphans from Altar84 on Vimeo.
  • Great News! Our National Conference is Providing FREE Childcare!

    Dan Cruver
    11 Feb 2014 | 9:06 am
    *The church in the image above is our 2014 conference host.We are excited to announce that our host church (Simpsonville First Baptist) for this year’s conference is providing free childcare! Yes, that’s right, not only are we able to provide childcare this year, but it’s also free of charge. We are very grateful to Simpsonville First Baptist for serving families in this way.Also, in order to accommodate the schedule of a couple of this year’s speakers, we changed our conference dates from October 10-11 to October 17-18. Please make note of that change.Our primary…
  • Our Lives Re-Written

    Dan Cruver
    21 Jan 2014 | 6:11 am
    If you haven’t already, let me encourage you to listen to second sermon (“Our Lives Re-Written”) that Mike Reeves preached at our 2013 national conference at Southern Seminary in Louisville, KY. He does a masterful job of connecting the love of the Father for His Son to the believer’s compassion for orphaned and vulnerable children. Here’s the climax of Mike’s sermon:This is Jesus of Nazareth’s ministry manifesto… “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim…
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    Cheese Curds and Kimchi-Our international adoption story

  • What to say (or not to say) to an adoptive family

    23 Apr 2014 | 7:34 am
    What do boob jobs and adoption have in common?THIS AWESOME VIDEO. I love it. A lot.Please watch. Repeat. Share.
  • A few things to check out

    12 Apr 2014 | 12:58 pm
    I'd love to sit down and write out a nice long post. But the entire household is asleep (including the dog) and I'm savoring this little bit of quiet time!Wanted to share these adoption related things that I've run across. Thought some of you might find them interesting.Adoptionland: From Orphans to ActivistsThis Kindle e-book is available right now on Amazon for free. It's normally $9.99. I'm an Amazon Prime member so I'm not sure if it's free to everyone right now, or how long this will be available.Ever wondered what it’s like to be adopted? This anthology begins with personal accounts…
  • What was missing: deciding to have two kids

    3 Apr 2014 | 11:45 am
    Brothers. © Cheese Curds and KimchiWe picked up Little Man from school and loaded him into his car seat. Just an average Tuesday, with the exception that The Man was joining us for the pick-up.Little Man chatted about his day and munched on his snack. Little Brother was saying "mamamama" which means food in Korean. I watched as The Man adjusted his rear-view to see the boys in the backseat and I saw his eyes get a bit teary. He looked long and hard at the Dynamic Duo and then turned to me."This is the first time they've both been in the car," he smiled. "It's a strange feeling of…
  • One week

    21 Mar 2014 | 7:45 pm
    Time passes when you are having fun. Or expanding your family. Take your pick.In our case, today marks one week since we arrived bleary-eyed from Seoul and started living life as a family of four. I can hardly believe how quickly everything is going by!In fact, it went so quickly that a week had passed before we managed to get the whole gang into a photo. We are adjusting well here. Dare I say, great? I'm not being pessimistic here, but still very much in the watch and see category. But really, things are good.Little Man continues to amaze us. He's a patient brother which is perhaps one of…
  • Finally a family of four!

    16 Mar 2014 | 8:05 pm
    We are back! I thought I would be able to blog from Korea, but the Google Gods blocked me from logging in. Boo.Now though, we are home and there's not a ton of time to catch up. I'll catch you up on our trip soon, but for now, know that we are settling in and things are going pretty well. Little Man is having a tough time sharing his mommy and daddy, but he's been a great big brother right from the start. He likes helping with diaper changes and feeding. And he is happy to show his brother the toys and give him kisses.Melt.Little Brother is a happy-go-lucky guy and seems to feel right at…
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    I'm A Foster

  • Getting A Drivers License As A Foster Kid

    17 Apr 2014 | 10:36 pm
      To many kids turning 16 is one of the most exciting days of their lives. With turning 16 comes getting a drivers license. It's the license of freedom all most every teenager looks forward to getting. Hours of driving with family members to get enough hours under the belt finally paying off. Unfortunately for many foster kids it's harder to obtain the goal of getting that freedom. For many foster kids turning 16 does not mean getting a drivers license. When I was placed into foster care the summer I was getting ready to turn 16. I didn't have my permit at that that point. My…
  • Should Some Foster Kids Be "Grateful"?

    30 Mar 2014 | 11:17 pm
     After writing a post about things I disliked hearing in foster care, there were a lot of comments regarding foster children being told by their foster parents, that they should be thankful. This is something that has been said to me many times before, but not something I had a strong opinion on myself. There are many things said to you or about you as a foster kid so I found it best to have a tough skin. This was mainly in reference to the question: If a foster kid is not being "grateful" for what they have or not realizing that others have it worse, is it a bad thing to remind them…
  • 4 Impactful Things Foster Parents Can Say To Foster Kids

    15 Mar 2014 | 9:52 am
       After I wrote about 5 things I disliked hearing as a foster kid, I was asked a great question: what things DID it help me to hear through foster care.  I had a set of foster parents that really made and impact on me with the way treated me during my time with them. Many of the things they said not only helped me through foster care, but also left an impact on me as I've become an adult. With that said here 4 awesome things, which as a foster kid especially, made me feel awesome:“I’m proud of you and you should be proud too!” I hadn’t really heard this too…
  • 5 Things I Disliked Hearing As A Foster Kid

    2 Mar 2014 | 8:06 pm
    "What are you in foster care for?"  I’m not a very open person with people I don’t know anyway but I think this is a hard question for any kid. Most kids aren’t put in foster care because they messed up, it’s their parents fault. How do you answer this question; “My parent’s beat me”, ” My parents care more about drugs then me”,  ”My parents died”, “The state took me”, or maybe even “I don’t know”. Any of those responses doesn’t sound good and not really something I want to talk about. It’s one of those things that I sits in the back of your mind…
  • Being A Kinship Carer- My Brother's Call Me "Brad"

    3 Feb 2014 | 6:56 pm
      Sometimes my brothers call me "Brad". The first time I heard it I really didn't realize what they meant by it. At first I thought it was like calling me a common name just for fun like "Bob" or "Joe". When they told me it was for brother/dad it made me chuckle at how crazy kinship care is. Around 2.7 million kids are being taking care of by kin other than their parents in the United States. Some would think that this family situation would run pretty smoothly, but as many kinship carers already know that’s not always the case. Though a great alternative to the typical foster care…
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    Adopting While Abroad

  • Why some children are so volatile

    16 Apr 2014 | 1:51 pm
    One moment your child is clinging to you at breakfast, with loving arms encircling your neck.  The next moment she screams and smashes the cereal bowl following a simple request to wipe Cheerios off the table.  That same child, who was just doting on you, is now reminding you that you’re the worst parent ever, there’s never been anyone more horrible than you, and she wants to hurt you.  You’re bewildered.  You ask yourself why this is happening when the same request the day before yielded swift compliance—a completely different response. Does reading this bring validation, intense…
  • Haiti allows adoptions under Hague Agreement

    11 Apr 2014 | 10:20 am
    Haiti has signed the Hague Convention on Protection of Children and Co-Operation in Respect of  Intercountry  Adoption and will allow adoptions to begin again with new requirements in place. The US Department of State has warned there may be some delays as the new program is implemented in the country. Some of the changes include a reduction in the age requirement of prospective parents from 35 years to a minimum of 30 years. Additionally, they have reduced the amount of time a couple must be married before trying to adopt from from 10 years to 5. Haiti is allowing only some adoption…
  • Guide for dealing with trauma

    11 Apr 2014 | 5:44 am
    The American Psychological Association (APA) has a guide to help foster and adoptive families cope with trauma. The free guide makes it clear that one should begin with the premise that all foster and adopted children have had trauma in their lives. At a minimum they have suffered a great loss, at a maximum they have been abused or neglected. The APA hopes the guide will help strengthen the abilities of pediatricians to: 1) identify traumatized children, 2) educate families about toxic stress and the possible biological, behavioral, and social manifestations of early childhood trauma, and 3)…
  • Ethiopian Adoption Search Registry

    8 Apr 2014 | 7:03 am
    A new website helps Ethiopian birth families find and connect with their children who were adopted abroad. Ethiopian Adoption Connection was created with the goal of matching Ethiopian birth families with their children adopted abroad. Our priority is helping those who cannot search or who have searched and been unsuccessful. Many adoptive families are fortunate enough to receive identifiable information about their child’s family of origin, and they share that information with their adopted child. Others are able to open their adoptions through searching post adoption. However, there are…
  • What is attachment-focused therapy?

    8 Apr 2014 | 5:12 am
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  • Manitoba poised to further open adoption records #60sScoop

    24 Apr 2014 | 2:55 am
    By Staff  The Canadian Press The Manitoba government appears set to further open adoption records to allow more people to find relatives and learn about their background. Bob Pearson / Getty Images WINNIPEG – The Manitoba government appears set to further open adoption records to allow more people to find relatives and learn about their background.The province passed a law in 1999 to release identifying information about adoptees and their parents unless one of them specifically requested anonymity.But the law was not retroactive, so people adopted prior to March 15, 1999, have had a…
  • Alyce Spotted Bear and Walter Soboleff Commission on Native Children Act

    23 Apr 2014 | 10:17 am
    ACTION ALERTYour Support Can Help Protect Native Children!U.S. Sen. Heidi Heitkamp (Democratic/Nonpartisan League - North Dakota) introduced Senate Bill 1622, which would create the Alyce Spotted Bear and Walter Soboleff Commission on Native Children Act.  This act would require the president and Congress to appoint individuals who have significant experience and expertise in Indian affairs to the commission.  The commission would conduct a comprehensive study of federal, state, local and tribal programs that serve Native children.  This would include an evaluation of many…
  • Evidence: what came after ARENA and the Indian Adoption Projects

    22 Apr 2014 | 9:40 am
    RAINBOW PROJECT after ARENA [and note the date is 1984 and the Indian Child Welfare Act was passed in 1978... Would this be a violation of federal law??]READ HERE:  The Pittsburgh Press - Aug 30, 1984visit:
  • Alaska Supreme Court considers whether Adoptive Couple v. Baby Girl applies to State-initiated child protection proceedings

    21 Apr 2014 | 8:01 am
    Posted on April 21, 2014 by Wenona T. Singel on Turtle Talk  In June 2013, the Alaska Supreme Court held in Native Village of Tununak v. Dep’t of Health & Soc. Servs (Tununak I) that ICWA implicitly mandates that good cause to deviate from ICWA’s adoptive placement preferences must be proven by clear and convincing evidence, rather than a mere preponderance of the evidence. That opinion is here.Four days later, the Supreme Court issued its ruling in Adoptive Couple v. Baby Girl.  The adoptive parents in Tununak I asked the Alaska Supreme Court to revise its ruling in…
  • Weaving the Blanket of Peace

    20 Apr 2014 | 7:40 am
    GCEF is offering sales of Grandmother's Message to the Lost Child that were taken to the United Nations Commission on the Status of Women last month. The bookmarks can be purchased at "cost only" and in bulk. These bookmarks are beautiful and colorful yet at the same time serve a very powerful purpose. They can be casually handed with a smile to any child you suspect may be a victim of abuse such as trafficking. Our website address is included and through this they, an older sibling or anyone else can contact us. Purchase orders can be made on our website at and price…
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    Infant Adoption Guide

  • IAG 018: How anyone can afford to adopt – interview with Cherri Walrod of

    Tim Elder
    18 Apr 2014 | 5:06 pm
    In this episode of the Infant Adoption Guide Podcast, you’ll learn about how anyone can afford to adopt as we chat with Cherri Walrod of Today’s show is all about how anyone can afford to adopt. You’ll learn about how to break down the financial barriers that may be keeping you from adopting. Domestic […]
  • 9 Adoption Profile Design & Creation Services

    Tim Elder
    10 Apr 2014 | 4:23 pm
    Adoption profiles are one of the most important ways to connect with prospective birthparents. The profile is your opportunity to make a great first impression. It is a powerful way to show who you are, what your family life is like, and what you can provide a child. Can you imagine looking through dozens and […]
  • IAG 017: How adoption consultants can help you with Nicole Witt from The Adoption Consultancy

    Tim Elder
    4 Apr 2014 | 9:41 am
    In this episode, we talk about adoption consultants – and how they can help you on the domestic infant adoption journey. Are you feeling stuck or overwhelmed on your domestic infant adoption journey? Have you considered working with an adoption consultant? I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that 100% of […]
  • 5 tips to get through your adoption home study

    Tim Elder
    29 Mar 2014 | 8:48 am
    The first thing you need to know about an adoption home study – they are to help you adopt, not to try and keep you from adopting. All families must complete the home study process before a baby can be placed with you. The home study helps ensure a good match is made between children […]
  • IAG 016: What you need to know about adoption attorneys with Mark McDermott

    Tim Elder
    21 Mar 2014 | 1:04 pm
    In episode 16, you’ll learn what you need to know about adoption attorneys. When hopeful adoptive families start the process of domestic infant adoption, we can easily get overwhelmed as there are so many ways to adopt in the U.S. Working with an attorney may not be the first thing we think about when starting our […]
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    All In The Family Adoption

  • To Search or Not To Search (with apologies to Shakespeare)

    Kellie C
    6 Apr 2014 | 2:15 pm
    Robin and I have had conversations about her experience reuniting with her biological family and my expectations of my granddaughter wanting to re-unite with us one day, so we decided to write a joint post to shed some light on key issues in search and reunion and how they differ for us due to our different perspectives. And, hopefully, to dispel some myths.Robin:  Adopted persons who search are not smarter, more interesting, more curious, or in any way, shape, or form better people than those who choose not to search. Every person in a closed adoption was put there without his…
  • Open Hearted Open Adoption

    Kellie C
    4 Apr 2014 | 7:05 am
    AmazonNOTE:  This is actually a post I wrote a while ago when Lori Holden's book first came out. I found it while going through some of my old stuff.  I couldn't post it after I wrote it, but I've come to feel differently after letting it sit for a while.   The Open-Hearted Way To Open Adoption: Helping Your Child Grow Up Whole by Lori Holden with Crystal Haas should be required reading for every adoptive parent, potential adoptive parent and every expectant mother considering relinquishing their child to adoption.  If you find yourself uncomfortable with any of the…
  • Happy Birthday, Olivia!

    Kellie C
    24 Mar 2014 | 12:29 pm
    Dear Olivia,You are 4 years old today! You are growing up so fast!  We hope your birthday is fun and full of surprises, and we want you to know we love you and miss you and wish we could be there to celebrate with you. Love,Your First Family
  • Yes, Virginia, there is an OBC

    Kellie C
    9 Mar 2014 | 2:48 pm
    By RobinThe newly elected Attorney General of Virginia,  Democrat Mark Herring, reversed his position on gay marriage within two weeks of taking office. He won the election by a very slim margin and part of his platform was supporting the ban. After assuming office, he announced that he could no longer uphold the ban because it violates the equal protection of the law provision as specified in the 14th amendment to the Constitution of the United States. Well, my question is ...Then how can it be lawful to treat adopted persons…
  • Ain't I an Adoptee?

    Kellie C
    10 Feb 2014 | 3:13 pm
    by RobinThe title for this post is taken from what is, in my opinion, one of the greatest historical speeches ever written.  It is titled, "Ain't I a Woman?", and was written and delivered by the 19th century feminist and abolitionist, Sojourner Truth. Please click on the link, from Fordham University of New York, to read the speech in its entirety. I think there is much for us to learn and to emulate from Ms. Truth's words.By now everyone has heard about the brouhaha over Melissa Harris-Perry and her comment about Mitt Romney's black grandson, and about NPR and their lack of…
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    The Adoption Trail - 4 Generations

  • Importance of Birth Fathers

    Jill Methvin
    20 Apr 2014 | 9:39 pm
    Today is the two year anniversary of our youngest son, Marquell’s, b-father, Dion, passing away; I really liked Dion.  We had heard from the agency what a wonderful son we were adopting but that he showed a few behavior problems when it came to his b-father.  In other words, he lied to see his dad.  […]
  • Birthday Wishes Mom

    Jill Methvin
    10 Apr 2014 | 7:25 pm
    Mom sleeps most of the time, so she didn’t know when Tandra arrived.  What I find amazing with grandchildren is that they enjoy what I consider to be annoying work.  We hired a man to tar our driveway, and two of our dogs got outside by accident.  Our mini-dachshund, Oscar, flopped over on his back […]
  • ACLU and Catholic Church Team Up Against Pennsylvania Adoption Bill

    Jill Methvin
    22 Mar 2014 | 6:41 am
    The Pennsylvania legislature has a bill HB 162 to open original records to adoptees.  Unfortunately, the ACLU and the Catholic Church have teamed up to stop the bill from going through. “Evil thrives when good people do nothing,” by Edmund Burke. Or worse, when good people encourage it.  That goes for the church too.  Roe […]
  • How Ohio Right to Life Could Include the Full Adoption Triad into their Bill.

    Jill Methvin
    19 Mar 2014 | 10:00 am
    No one likes to be ignored and trivialized especially those who feel that they have something to share that would make a difference.  If you have been traumatized because of adoption, you want to see changes.  There is an entire herd of us with similar experiences, why ignore us?  Not all of us have pretty […]
  • Adopt a Dog – Adopt a Baby and Ohio Right to Life wants you to get $10,000

    Jill Methvin
    17 Mar 2014 | 11:48 am
    First, I love my dogs.  When I had my 14 year old doxie put down in July I cried harder and had a longer recovery time than I did when some family members passed away.  However, animals and children should not be put in the same category.  The children in this category are already extremely […]
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