• Most Topular Stories

  • Birth/First Moms: Do you have an adopted child?

    FAMILY PRESERVATION not Adoption Separaration
    Mirah Riben
    22 Aug 2014 | 1:20 pm
    Moms, when you speak of your interest in adoption are you ever asked these two questions?:Are you an adoptive parent?Are you adopted?It happens to me often because of my activism and because I am an author. When I am asked these questions it is almost always JUST THESE TWO questions. The third, and correct, option that makes adoption of personal interest to me is never considered....or is it that I don't fit the stereotype of a teenager or drug addict or impoverished woman?I usually use it as an education moment. But today I was asked by…
  • 865 Pages of Transcripts to Bring Camden Home!

    Musings of the Lame- Exposing Adoption Truth
    Claudia Corrigan DArcy
    10 Oct 2014 | 5:20 pm
    The finial cost estimate for what is needed is 179, 317, and 379 pages at $5.50 a page. I'll save you the math; it's $4,700.00 and really should be ordered as soon as possible, like next week. So, are we ready to make a miracle happen again? You help and support during this has been nothing short of amazing and only with YOU have we been able to keep this moving along. It's not Adoption. It's not Gentle. It's not Care. With your help, we can fight this and make it right. I know we can. I... Come on by to Musings of the Lame to read the rest of this post. Come on, you know you want to!
  • Reform groups?

    An Adoptee Centric Blog
    25 Sep 2014 | 1:27 pm
    I’m looking for a reform group that’s trying to reform adoption on an industry level. I’m not talking about just Open Records ( like that’s some lil issue :P ) I mean laws surrounding adoption, regulating agencies and lawyers, private adoptions…. where are these groups? Can someone point me to them? its been a while […]
  • DOS Alert: The Department of State Strongly Recommends Against Adopting from the DRC at this time

    Parents for Ethical Adoption Reform (PEAR)
    6 Oct 2014 | 11:13 am
    In light of the DRC’s September 26, 2014 announcement that its exit permit suspension for adopted children remains in effect indefinitely, the Department of State has asked all adoption agencies to cease referring new DRC adoption cases for U.S. prospective adoptive parents at this time. The Department of State strongly recommends against initiating an adoption in the DRC at this time, as adoptive children cannot leave the DRC without an exit permit issued by the DRC’s Directorate of General Migration, even with a finalized adoption.  Congolese courts continue to issue adoption…
  • Just the Way We Are

    Lavender Luz
    Lori Lavender Luz
    13 Oct 2014 | 5:00 am
    Teen Girl had had a rough day, as often happens for teen girls in middle school. At dinner, each of us — Dad, Mom, and Tween Brother — did our best to help her feel better from the trials of her day, but the meal ended with Teen Girl in tears, dramatically fleeing from the […] The post Just the Way We Are appeared first on Lavender Luz.
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    Musings of the Lame- Exposing Adoption Truth

  • 865 Pages of Transcripts to Bring Camden Home!

    Claudia Corrigan DArcy
    10 Oct 2014 | 5:20 pm
    The finial cost estimate for what is needed is 179, 317, and 379 pages at $5.50 a page. I'll save you the math; it's $4,700.00 and really should be ordered as soon as possible, like next week. So, are we ready to make a miracle happen again? You help and support during this has been nothing short of amazing and only with YOU have we been able to keep this moving along. It's not Adoption. It's not Gentle. It's not Care. With your help, we can fight this and make it right. I know we can. I... Come on by to Musings of the Lame to read the rest of this post. Come on, you know you want to!
  • Hey Media Folks- Anyone Want a REAL Story for National Adoption Month?

    Claudia Corrigan DArcy
    9 Oct 2014 | 12:10 pm
    With National Adoption Month coming up in November, I am sure your publication is preparing heartwarming tales to highlight adoption. I would like to tell you about a story that doesn't fall under the normal feel good, but is instead, a complete fallacy of everything we want to celebrate about adoption. It is a story about corrupting and the abuses of power. It is a story about a mother in crisis having that vulnerability exploited, trusting the wrong people and then fighting a system that... Come on by to Musings of the Lame to read the rest of this post. Come on, you know you want to!
  • Please Take the CUB “OPEN ADOPTION BETRAYAL” Survey

    Claudia Corrigan DArcy
    8 Oct 2014 | 12:25 pm
    Fellow birth mother and researcher, Dr. Gail Hanssen Perry would like to know more about today's betrayed open adoptions. She wants to compare today's experiences with the findings of her doctoral research, “Extending Families: How Adoptive Parents Transition to Openness”, now 20 years old. This will not only enhances the CUB Retreat, but it could become part of a document CUB prepares to alert vulnerable pregnant couples to possible pitfalls. Gail and CUB Founder, Lee Campbell, have... Come on by to Musings of the Lame to read the rest of this post. Come on, you know you want to!
  • Adoption Book Review: “Birth Mother” by Denise Emanuel Clemen

    Claudia Corrigan DArcy
    23 Sep 2014 | 9:05 am
    What I love the most about Denise Emanuel Clemen's memoir "Birth Mother" is that it is ONLY the pregnancy and immediate adoption experience that she tells. Just as the reader has so many unanswered questions and wonders, the birthmother is left always wondering about her child and the child is left wondering about the mother. It is that complete separation that makes this story so powerful. read more... → Come on by to Musings of the Lame to read the rest of this post. Come on, you know you want to!
  • What are the Costs of Adoption? Is Adoption Trauma?

    Laurie Garland
    22 Sep 2014 | 10:29 am
    Separating mother and child causes varying degrees of lifelong trauma for both. If you are pregnant and considering adoption for your baby, please listen to the mothers of adoption loss and more importantly, the adoptees. Educate yourself of the effect adoption will have on both of you before it's too late. Anyone (including agencies) that will gain if your baby is adopted will NOT inform you read more... → Come on by to Musings of the Lame to read the rest of this post. Come on, you know you want to!
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    An Adoptee Centric Blog

  • Reform groups?

    25 Sep 2014 | 1:27 pm
    I’m looking for a reform group that’s trying to reform adoption on an industry level. I’m not talking about just Open Records ( like that’s some lil issue :P ) I mean laws surrounding adoption, regulating agencies and lawyers, private adoptions…. where are these groups? Can someone point me to them? its been a while […]
  • Letting go…and letting it be

    21 Sep 2014 | 2:33 pm
    As some of you may have read in past posts of mine my grandfather ( the father of my natural mother ) passed away this past July. I had mixed emotions when processing his death as he was a core stone in the decision to place me for adoption. Most of the stories I have […]
  • So much to say

    17 Sep 2014 | 9:41 am
    I find myself reading and reading and having so much I want to blog on and yet I get so emotionally involved in these posts I end up “drafting” them in order to not sound like a raging lunatic troubled by the frustrations and downright corruption in adoption and the foster care system….. I just […]
  • Denial of loss

    8 Sep 2014 | 8:47 pm
    10 years ago I wouldn’t have understood this to the depth that I understand it now, and for that I am grateful. Ten years ago this would have hurt me tremendously and I probably would have withdrawn into a wall building adoptee hiding comfort zone and disappeared from my mother for a few months until […]
  • Today I was with my mother…

    7 Sep 2014 | 4:26 pm
    Her husband was outside in the parking lot waiting for us as we pulled in. I recognized him immediately and waved and honked so he knew we’d arrived. We were about 15 minutes late due to a marathon in our area that slowed traffic. He came over and greeted us and helped us out of […]
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    Parents for Ethical Adoption Reform (PEAR)

  • DOS Alert: The Department of State Strongly Recommends Against Adopting from the DRC at this time

    6 Oct 2014 | 11:13 am
    In light of the DRC’s September 26, 2014 announcement that its exit permit suspension for adopted children remains in effect indefinitely, the Department of State has asked all adoption agencies to cease referring new DRC adoption cases for U.S. prospective adoptive parents at this time. The Department of State strongly recommends against initiating an adoption in the DRC at this time, as adoptive children cannot leave the DRC without an exit permit issued by the DRC’s Directorate of General Migration, even with a finalized adoption.  Congolese courts continue to issue adoption…
  • USDOS Office of Children’s Issues Announces New Chief of the Adoption Division

    25 Sep 2014 | 11:40 am
    Welcome Trish Maskew, New Chief of the Adoption DivisionSeptember 24, 2014The Office of Children’s Issues is pleased to announce the appointment of Trish Maskew as the new Chief of the Adoption Division. Trish joins the Department of State from the Department of Justice where she worked in the Civil Division for almost six years.  Before joining the U.S. government, she held several positions in the intercountry adoption field: as a program coordinator for an adoption agency; a board member and interim administrator for the Joint Council on International Children’s Services; the…
  • American Families Caught Attempting Illegal DRC Exit

    17 Sep 2014 | 8:56 am
    According to reports from the Democratic Republic of Congo ("DRC"), officials intercepted an attempt by three American adoptive families to remove their children from Congo without proper authorization (  This news story has been reported as "child selling" or trafficking by DRC news outlets (  PEAR understands that the three families in question had legally adopted the seven affected children according to DRC regulations,…
  • DOS Alert: Democratic Republic of the Congo (DRC) Announces End to Exit Permit Exceptions Until New Law is Promulgated

    11 Jul 2014 | 2:13 pm
    On July 10, Ambassador James Swan met with Director General Beya of the Congolese General Direction of Migration (DGM) to seek clarification on the DGM’s decision to no longer issue exit permits to any adopted Congolese children until a new adoption law is promulgated. DGM Beya stated that his office will not accept any cases for consideration in the interim, even those involving children with medical conditions or those cases that met the DGM’s October 2013 exception criteria.During the meeting, the DGM stressed that it considers no intercountry adoptions from the DRC to be…
  • DOS Alert: Haiti announces re-registration period for Adoption Service Providers

    10 Jul 2014 | 8:27 am
    The Institut du Bien-Etre Social et de Recherche (IBESR), Haiti’s central adoption authority, recently announced updated information related to its Hague Adoption Convention intercountry adoption procedures. The announcement is available, in French, on IBESR’s website. Among other clarifications, IBESR announced that the registration period for re-authorization of international adoption service providers will be from July 14, 2014 until August 14, 2014. The list of supporting documents required is available on IBESR’s website in French. For more information on…
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    Lavender Luz

  • Just the Way We Are

    Lori Lavender Luz
    13 Oct 2014 | 5:00 am
    Teen Girl had had a rough day, as often happens for teen girls in middle school. At dinner, each of us — Dad, Mom, and Tween Brother — did our best to help her feel better from the trials of her day, but the meal ended with Teen Girl in tears, dramatically fleeing from the […] The post Just the Way We Are appeared first on Lavender Luz.
  • AdoptLit Book Tour Signup: Finding Zoe

    Lori Lavender Luz
    7 Oct 2014 | 5:45 am
    You already know this is the place to participate in adoption and infertility-themed virtual book club discussions. But with this latest option — a book released into the world just today — we’re adding in a twist. Adoption Meets Deaf Community You may think you’ve explored all facets of adoption, but Finding Zoe by Brandi […] The post AdoptLit Book Tour Signup: Finding Zoe appeared first on Lavender Luz.
  • Autumn’s Raiment

    Lori Lavender Luz
    6 Oct 2014 | 4:30 am
    The stunning simplicity of Mother Nature’s fall line. ~~~~~ This post is a part of #Microblog Mondays. Whazzat? A post that is between 1 word to 8 sentences long. Head over to Stirrup Queens to join the fun. The post Autumn’s Raiment appeared first on Lavender Luz.
  • The Grown Up Room

    Lori Lavender Luz
    29 Sep 2014 | 4:00 am
    I was teaching map-making to my 1st grade Geography class. After drawing a map of my own house on the board, complete with a legend indicating bedrooms, backyard, and the titter-inducing bathrooms, I instructed each of the students to create a map of their houses. They were eager to do so, making good use of […] The post The Grown Up Room appeared first on Lavender Luz.
  • Gingerbread Men

    Lori Lavender Luz
    22 Sep 2014 | 5:00 am
    Liam was Reed’s first friend. They met when Reed was just 6 months old (Liam’s mom is in my Vino Support Group). They went to the same school for a few years and must have had ten thousand sword duels and gunfights over the years. Liam and Reed on the first day of school 2007 […] The post Gingerbread Men appeared first on Lavender Luz.
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    Therapy Is Expensive

  • Sometimes It’s Hard

    Kat Nielsen, MSW
    16 Oct 2014 | 8:17 pm
    Sometimes it’s hard being a Black* Chick married to a White Guy.  Being a six hour plane ride from my family and only a 45 minute from his makes it harder.  We spend a lot of time with them which only increases the amount of time I spend in soley white spaces.  White, conservative, Christian spaces. It takes a lot of energy to be the right kind of me for that. I always end the evening drained. I don’t say this to play the martyr. I LOVE my sister-in-law even if she was born in the 90s and I have to exclaim “WHY ARE YOU SO YOUNG” way too often when she doesn’t…
  • What’s This Really About?

    Kat Nielsen, MSW
    13 Oct 2014 | 4:06 pm
    I ask myself as I crouch down on my sister in law’s porch. Trying to wipe away the tears that are coming way too fast for it to be about the lack of competence of such a trivial skill. Biting back accusations instead of hurling them at my husband is a step in the right direction, but why am I even thinking them? Is he happy I failed? Will he get joy from my embarrassment? Where is this coming from? What’s this really about? Dark thoughts swirl in my brain. I believe myself when I swear these types of thoughts don’t exist. They’ve been gone long enough it’s like…
  • Fight, Flight, or Freeze

    Kat Nielsen, MSW
    22 Aug 2014 | 6:25 am
    I sat in my therapist’s office crying. Heart racing. Feeling like I couldn’t breathe. I reminded myself that while I felt like I coudn’t breathe I was in fact breathing. I took some deep abdominal breaths. I heard her voice, but it wasn’t really registering. I froze. I just needed a few moments to center and ground myself. A few moments of silence to pull myself together. She kept talking. I’m not sure what she was really saying, but her tone grew increasingly frustrated and in turn frustrating. I had been trying to get myself together, to continue the session.
  • Brutal Honesty

    Kat Nielsen, MSW
    19 Aug 2014 | 6:55 pm
    In the wake of the murder of Michael Brown and so many other Black children in our country. I have some things to say. I hold my breath when I see police. I’ve been driving for 16 years and been pulled over only three times. I’d say I actually deserved to be pulled over two of those times. One unwarranted traffic stop in 16 years is damn good odds for a Black chick in this country. But the truth is I was terrified through each and every one of those stops. Regardless of the jokes we may make, and abrupt “I didn’t do it” at the sound of sirens. A jovial…
  • August 14 2001

    Kat Nielsen, MSW
    14 Aug 2014 | 6:35 am
    It took some doing but all the calls were called and the arrangements arranged and all that was left was for a baby to be born. If only it was that easy. Amidst the contracting and pushing people showed up. My mom, my boyfriend, his aunt who’d driven him…maybe more I don’t really remember. There was also a steady stream of strangers coming in to check this or that as is the joy of giving birth at a teaching hospital. I don’t remember much about them either, but why should I they barely spoke to me. Until, that is, one of the strangers brought me a paper to sign. Turns…
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    O Momma Writes

  • Amazing Tips For Designing a Child-Friendly Den

    Ashley Roberts
    14 Oct 2014 | 3:05 am
    Creating a child-friendly space within your home is important. It’s important for children to feel as if they have a space with your family home to call their own. But, it’s also important for parents to feel as if they have space for themselves. Building a den, with children in mind, doesn’t have to be expensive. But, it does need to be a fun area for them to relax, create and play. There is a wealth of information on how to do this. The only problem is, narrowing down what you want for your child’s den. Here are some fantastic tips that you can use to create the perfect…
  • How to Avoid Tears and Tantrums on Family Vacations

    Ashley Roberts
    7 Oct 2014 | 1:46 am
    Family vacations should provide you and your loved ones with the chance to relax and spend some quality time with each other. However, you might have found that past trips away from home have tended to end up with tears and tantrums. If you’re determined to avoid repeat performances, take a look at these simple but effective tips. Don’t be over-ambitious Sitting at your computer, it’s easy to get carried away when booking a trip. At the click of a button, you can buy tickets to an array of far flung destinations across the globe. The thought of traveling thousands of miles might appeal…
  • Upgrade Your Siding For The Last Time – Here’s The Secret

    Ashley Roberts
    30 Sep 2014 | 8:34 pm
    Our homes are under constant attack from the elements, and we must wage a constant war against them. If there is a chink in its armour they will seek it out and wreak havoc, given the chance. The siding will make your home look beautiful if it is in excellent condition. When it has suffered damage from the climatic conditions, it can start to look worn and tired. Indeed, timber cladding will rot eventually, especially if you neglect it. Regular painting and maintenance are necessary to keep it looking at its best. There are alternatives to timber siding that can make your life easy. Modern…
  • Five Handy Portable Tools You Must Have

    Ashley Roberts
    17 Sep 2014 | 12:30 pm
    Maybe the scouts weren’t prepared for the bullying they were mercilessly delivered in high school, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t any merit to their age-old motto, be prepared. If anything, it applies now more than ever. As a citizen of earth it’s your moral duty to make sure you’re equipped with the tools required to make it through the day. But the good news is you don’t have to do it online. Read this handy guide, detailing five useful, completely portable tools you must have. Then head on over to Barbeques Galore and get yourself some Ziegler & Brown tools you’ll…
  • Young Families: Planning Tips for your Financial Future

    Ashley Roberts
    12 Sep 2014 | 11:31 am
    Starting a family is a massive commitment – in every area of your life, financial not the least. There’s a lot to consider, from how much nappies cost to whether or not you have the right transaction account. All those little decisions add up to a big difference when it comes to you financial future, and the future of your loved ones. To start, it’s often worth looking at the websites of financial institutions, such as, to ensure you’ve got the banking products that best suit your needs. With an understanding of the products available, some well thought out planning and…
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    welcome to my brain . net

  • Therapeutic Parenting Resources

    8 Oct 2014 | 6:52 am
    ( have been working very hard the last few weeks to reorganize the things I have learned over the past six years, when it comes to parenting. My goal has always been to share. However I can.As you would suspect, as my life has been pretty messy, my sharing has been pretty messy. Scattered. So, I have been putting a very deliberate effort into organizing and re-presenting it in a way that can be more easily searched and utilized.On my coaching site, you will start to see all of my little nuggets show up under the "Blog" tab. If you've read me for some time, you…
  • Open up that October door!

    1 Oct 2014 | 7:16 am
    (photo by Kate Northern; used with permission)October.It's the most wonderful time of the year in my house.Halloween ... and National Coming Out Day!I remember a time in the 80's when there was a big hub-bub in our little town over Halloween. A group of people became very vocal about the dark side of the holiday and were pushing parents to stop participating in the costumes and the trick-or-treating. Of course, my friends were the ones showing up at school with the "Save Halloween!" shirts. I did not wear one. I had already gotten my pastor-father in enough trouble a few years before wearing…
  • And then you blink and it's September

    15 Aug 2014 | 11:54 am
    I can't say the last two months flew by. It has been a challenge, and has also been the very best summer for all of my kids. The list of activities was a gift to one child, in particular. Juggling four high schoolers and all the friends and activities has my head spinning some days. But we did it. About to usher in a year with two seniors, two sophomores and a sixth grader. eek.If you are looking for a boost as school starts, here are some things I'll be participating in:The Attachment and Trauma Network is providing a free online Summit in the fall called "Educating Traumatized…
  • Summer time, when the living is ... *deep breath*

    6 Jul 2014 | 1:30 am
    I am experiencing something right now that so many of you do every year. However, it is brand new to me. I have a child attending public school, so this is my first "have them home all summer" thing.Normally, all of my kids are here all the time, and you just learn to pace yourself. I've written before that we needed to make some changes for everyone, and this was a great decision. No regrets. It is beneficial to the entire family.  However ... summer.All of the benefits we reap from a team of people in the life of a child are just gone. *poof* Like that. For three months.You have to…
  • Immediacy and Impermanence

    7 Jun 2014 | 7:29 am
    This week I participated in beautiful and ridiculously lengthy Facebook thread, birthed by burners. It was full of snark and brilliance. Within minutes I had fallen madly in love with people I have never met, and wanted them all at my party.Also, I wanted to plan a party.It erupted quickly and the comments multiplied for the better part of the day. No, really. It was insane. Hundreds of comments.  Notifications going off non-stop: ding, ding, ding. I actually crawled into bed that night and thought, "I hope a bunch of these hysterically genius wonders of humans don't stay up late and…
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    A Birth Project

  • Video update on London Calling Residency! Thank you & 3 more days!

    Lisa Marie
    22 Oct 2014 | 4:45 pm
    I’m thrilled that I am over half way to my goal! I have raised $2005.00 of $3700.00 I still need your help! Check out the video update. Thank you so much to everyone who has contributed so far!! Filed under: Uncategorized
  • London Calling Me! Callaloo Writing Workshop – Oct 26th

    Lisa Marie
    6 Oct 2014 | 3:33 pm
    My new manuscript and new Adoptee Artist Collaborations ahead!!  I’m honored to have been invited to attend the CALLALOO Literary Journal’s 2014 Writing Workshop hosted by the Black Cultural Archives, in collaboration with The Equiano Centre at University College London, England. I have a chance to work with esteemed poet Gregory Pardlo and be in residence with fiction writers Maaza Mengiste and Jackson Brown as well as 20 other multi-genre writers selected from across the global African Diaspora. CALLALOO is a journal of African Diaspora Arts and Letters based at Texas A&M…
  • I’ll be in AZ April 5th, 7pm at Black Theatre Troupe!

    Lisa Marie
    31 Mar 2014 | 12:14 pm
    Filed under: Uncategorized Tagged: adoptee, Adoption, one woman show, reproductive justice, solo theater, theater, Transracial Adoption, ungratefuldaughter
  • News and tickets to Los Angeles Women’s Theater Festival March 29th!

    Lisa Marie
    2 Mar 2014 | 5:01 pm
    Check out my March 2014 newsletter with all my updated information about upcoming performances and workshops for the next few months. Lots of good workshops for parenting and performances, readings coming up!! yay! I’m excited to share that I’ll be performing an excerpt of “Ungrateful Daughter” in the 2014 Los Angeles Women’s Theater Festival. Please come and please share with the folks you know in the area. This is my first time performing the work in the LA Area and I want to make sure my people come to see it! Description of and trailer for the show When:…
  • I’m a New Columnist at Lost Daughter’s blog! Yay!

    Lisa Marie
    8 Oct 2013 | 2:51 pm
    Been missing my blogs that focus on adoption and race? Well I’m happy to share that I will be regularly blogging for the wonderful “Lost Daughters” blog about once a month. Please check out my first post with them – up today! Not Holding My Tongue: On Blogging and the Politics of Adoption In other news – I’ve also been added to the Arts & Culture feature columnist list at the amazing Land Of Gazillion Adoptees Magazine! Look for my first article in Issue #3 coming in November. Yay! Some upcoming work:  October 16th at StageWerx in San Francisco,…
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    Building Family Counseling

  • Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month

    Dawn Friedman
    15 Oct 2014 | 7:40 am
    October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month and October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. On the 15th many families who are living with loss will light a candle at 7pm their time to create a “wave of light” in remembrance of their babies. At Kobacker House at 800 McConnell Drive, Columbus Ohio 43214, they are hosting a Pregnancy and Infant Loss Art Wall exhibit. The building is open 24/7 and the art will be on the wall on the main floor, just outside of the family kitchen as you walk toward the in-patient unit. The exhibit will be up through the end of…
  • Why is therapy so expensive?

    Dawn Friedman
    7 Oct 2014 | 2:05 pm
    There’s no getting around the fact that therapy can be expensive. Sure, you may pay less than you would for a hair cut and color or just a little more than you would for a massage, but most people don’t get their hair cut as often as they’re likely to go to therapy. I mean a dye job lasts what, six weeks? And most people see their counselors about four times a month. The reasons therapy costs so much are: Schooling. In order to offer psychotherapy, your counselor needs an advanced graduate degree. Generally Counselors, marriage & family therapists and social workers need…
  • Teens and Confidentiality in Counseling

    Dawn Friedman
    7 Oct 2014 | 9:18 am
    Parental involvement is a key ingredient in kid client success in therapy. What this looks like will depend on your child and his/her treatment plan, your practical ability to be involved (are you a noncustodial parent? Is your child receiving services at school?) and the therapist. But at the very least, you and your child’s therapist should be communicating regularly. Depending on the child, the parents and the treatment goals, I include parents in the following ways: Parents attend sessions with their child (this is common with young children and with children who are struggling with…
  • 5 tips for talking to your child about counseling

    Dawn Friedman
    1 Oct 2014 | 10:11 am
    So you’ve decided your child needs counseling. How do you explain to them what counseling is and why they’re going? 1. Tell them that a counselor is a person who helps people who are feeling stuck. Many children (and adults) who are in therapy believe that they — their inherent selves — are problematic. Lots of children (and adults) have already been through the wringer by the time they come see me and their self-esteem is suffering for it. They may be feeling like they are root of all of their family’s problems. They may think that the people who love them…
  • Does my child need a therapist?

    Dawn Friedman
    30 Sep 2014 | 7:44 am
    At the anxiety workshop we talked a lot about what’s normal and what isn’t normal and needs intervention. Sometimes it’s clear — your child absolutely refuses to go to school or your teen tells you she’s depressed and is thinking about hurting herself. But other times it’s more ambivalent. Are these tantrums normal? Is your reaction to them making things worse? Can counseling help your 7-year old’s struggles in school? Here’s how to figure it out. Are you or your child missing out? Is the issue — sadness, anxiety, anger — getting in…
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    Writing My Wrongs

  • Getting What We Want

    Suz Bednarz
    30 Sep 2014 | 10:28 am
    Sitting on the funeral home chair, too small for my ample back end, I turn to my sister. We are hiding from a woman also attending my aunts wake service. We knew said woman in our childhood days when she had exceptionally bad halitosis and a tendency to pick her nose and rub the retrieved product in between her fingers as she spoke to you. We have no desire to speak to her. We pretend we are engrossed in a deep conversation with each other. Our mother is behind me and to my left. I hear her speaking rather loudly. Are you supposed to be quiet at wakes? I am never quite sure. I have attended…
  • On Writing

    Suz Bednarz
    30 Sep 2014 | 8:13 am
    Writing is the process one follows to learn what is already known within. It sharpens the spirit, disciplines the mind and leads to solutions. In the spaces between words & solitude, observe what happens when words and silence meet. Words matter. Pay attention. Write to learn what you know.  - Mary Ann Radmacher Related posts: Writing Process Blog Tour Fail
  • Amazon Transparent

    Suz Bednarz
    29 Sep 2014 | 8:48 am
    Hubby and I watched all episodes of the Amazon original program Transparent over the weekend.   I enjoyed it. I do not want to share too much as I might spoil it for you.  Here is a bit of a teaser. Transparent tells the story of a 70-year-old divorced father coming out to his children as a woman. The story flashes back to father’s early life when he first began dressing as a woman and realizing his gender/identity. While I have no experience in this transgender area, I want to think the writers do the experience some degree of justice. I say that because while I cannot relate to being…
  • Natural, Birth, & First

    Suz Bednarz
    26 Sep 2014 | 10:33 am
    First Mother Forum had a touching post about natural fathers and their effect, absence, inclusion, exclusion and other topics surrounding their involvement in the surrender of their children to adoption. The stories shared were very touching. Several made my heart ache as I could relate strongly to them. As I have alluded to here over the years, I was deeply in love with my daughters’ father for more than half my life. Before my pregnancy, during, after surrender, later in life, through my first marriage to another man, a part of my heart was saved just for her father. I actually made a…
  • Giving Up the Dreams

    Suz Bednarz
    22 Sep 2014 | 8:48 am
    In my previous post, I asked my readers to share their thoughts on “giving up” on a reunion. Thank you to the many that participated and provided commentary. As I suspected, it was rather interesting.  Opinions differed and yet I agreed with them all. How can this be? The answer is that “giving up” in relation to reunion, for me, is complex and has many facets.  Each of you likely responded to one or more of these facets. How do I interpret “giving up”?   Rather than telling you how I interpret it, I will share examples of living it. Giving Up the Dream – I gave up the…
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  • Information Technology To The World

    14 Oct 2014 | 12:00 am
    Information Technology To The World Knowledge of Idea Fashion Paris Tips And Information InformationsKnowledge of The Fresh and Live Mama InformationsKnowledge of Medical Hypnosis Secrets InformationsKnowledge of Function Stock Market InformationsKnowledge of CRE8 Digital Media Ideas Inspiration InformationsKnowledge of Rap Outlet Inspiration InformationsKnowledge of Auction Accounting Ideas InformationsKnowledge of Jewel Springs Design Inspiration InformationsKnowledge of Good Pharmacy Inspiration InformationsKnowledge of Have The Cake Inspirations InformationsKnowledge of Snow Factories…
  • Idea Knowledge of Secure Data Destruction

    25 Sep 2014 | 11:33 am
    Idea Knowledge of Secure Data Destruction Knowledge of Fashion Hats InformationsKnowledge of Zeroemission Academy InformationsKnowledge of Regional Economics InformationsKnowledge of Online Nursing InformationsKnowledge of Aladin Project Auto InformationsKnowledge of Graffiti Homes Bombolette InformationsKnowledge of Palace Beauty InformationsKnowledge of Save Of Lives Healthy InformationsKnowledge of Healthy Ideas Tips InformationsKnowledge of Diversitech Ideas Technology InformationsKnowledge of Living Safe Tips InformationsKnowledge of Estate Automotive InformationsKnowledge of Future…
  • News Information

    21 Apr 2013 | 10:15 am
    News Information Knowledge of Bulletin Education Real Estate InformationsKnowledge of Health Baby Cares InformationsKnowledge of Safari Madness InformationsKnowledge of News Cine Digital InformationsKnowledge of Bulletin Healthcare And Drug Pharmacy InformationsKnowledge of Bulletin Plan Fashion Collection InformationsKnowledge of Compare Carriers Business InformationsKnowledge of Daily Bulletin Of Health Treatment InformationsKnowledge of Accommodation Tours Travel InformationsKnowledge of Women's Health Newsletters InformationsKnowledge of Cont 55 Sport Automotive InformationsKnowledge of…
  • Information For Your Knowledge

    6 Apr 2013 | 10:25 pm
    Information For Your Knowledge Knowledge of Patterns a Healthy Lifestyle InformationsKnowledge of Guide Stories Tour and Travel InformationsKnowledge of Business Plan InformationsKnowledge of All About Automotive InformationsKnowledge of Real Estate Information InformationsKnowledge of Discover The Business Magazine InformationsKnowledge of Easy Travel To Get Around InformationsKnowledge of Tutorials Healthy Living Online InformationsKnowledge of Motorsports and Automotive InformationsKnowledge of Daily Automotive InformationsKnowledge of Management of Loan Business InformationsKnowledge of…
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    FAMILY PRESERVATION not Adoption Separaration


    Mirah Riben
    22 Oct 2014 | 9:43 am
    TO ALL MY FRIEND,S FANS AND FOLLOWERS....PLEASE FOLLOW ME AT will likely still come here to VENT in ways that would be inappropriate for a more formal and more public venue....But PLEASE do follow my Huff Posts because they are IMPORTANT issues that will benefit greatly from LIKES, SHARES and comments.
  • Private Adoption: White Knights or Flesh Peddlers

    Mirah Riben
    16 Oct 2014 | 7:59 pm
    In the late 1980s Geraldo Rivera had a talk show. It was shortly after the world was rocked by the Joel Steinberg trial for the death of his adopted daughter Lisa. See all four short segments of the show to see Aaaron Britvan and Bill Pierece square off on private adoption. Part I of the four-part video of the program introduces the audience to Rebekah Dulik, a minor who was lured out-of-state and coached no to tell her parents where she was or that she was pregnant and having her child adopted.  Judi Cochran of Children's Right of PA addresses Rebekah's…
  • How I Came to Meet Joan Rivers

    Mirah Riben
    10 Oct 2014 | 10:08 pm
    As the nation mourned of the death of the beloved comic icon, I recalled my meeting with Joan Rivers when I was guest on her short-lived a daytime talk show, in March 1990.But the story of how that came about began in 1987 with a horrific tragedy that garnered headlines of a “house of horrors” and a six year old girl called Lisa, who died after years of abuse. In the dimly lit, filthy Greenwhich Village home of attorney Joel Steinberg and Hedda Nussbaum where Lisa had endured unspeakable abuses, police discovered a toddler boy tethered to a table leg in soiled diapers with a bottle of…
  • The Tangled Web of Entitlement, Resentment and Justification

    Mirah Riben
    27 Sep 2014 | 12:30 pm
    Entitlement is often spoken and written and blogged about in the adoption community. We know it fuels adoptions. we recognize how deeply it motivates through justification.I was watching a re-run of an old crime show on TV. The detective on a murder case commented on how feelings of entitlement  -  I deserve it (whatever "it" is) - especially when combined with feeling it unfair that others have what you feel entitled to, can lead to justifying most anything. The "it" could be a promotion, a husband or wife, wealth, fame... or a…
  • Birth/First Moms: Do you have an adopted child?

    Mirah Riben
    22 Aug 2014 | 1:20 pm
    Moms, when you speak of your interest in adoption are you ever asked these two questions?:Are you an adoptive parent?Are you adopted?It happens to me often because of my activism and because I am an author. When I am asked these questions it is almost always JUST THESE TWO questions. The third, and correct, option that makes adoption of personal interest to me is never considered....or is it that I don't fit the stereotype of a teenager or drug addict or impoverished woman?I usually use it as an education moment. But today I was asked by…
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    [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum

  • You can't deny DNA--it shapes who we are today

    20 Oct 2014 | 2:18 pm
    Lorraine"It's easier to embrace a thief than a phantom." That's sentence that stopped me cold today as I read yesterday's New York Times review of a new book, The Invisible History of the Human Race: How DNA and History Shape our Identities and Our Futures.Biology and culture, nature versus nurture. We know both are important, we really do, but with the adoption-is-the-cure-for-so-damn-much culture that we are in today, that sentence: It's easier to embrace a thief than a phantom stopped me cold. Americans like to pretend that DNA and ancestry do not matter; we can make ourselves up new…
  • Cheerios video promotes gay equality but smacks of racism

    16 Oct 2014 | 9:43 am
    JaneThere's a dark side to the Cheerios ad featuring a white gay Canadian couple with a darling little black girl, likely an American child, beyond the loss inherent in adoption. The ad smacks of colonialism, promoting the superiority of white homes as it promotes gay adoption.The nearly three-minute video is of course intended to make us feel positive about Cheerios, manufactured by General Mills. While others have praised the ad for its positive image of gay men, how would the world feel about two gay black men raising a white baby? We seriously doubt it would have the same wide…
  • Cheerios Commercial: Gay dads adopt and sell cereal

    15 Oct 2014 | 10:58 am
    LorraineCringe making: A new feel-good Cherrios on-line commercial for the Canadian audience as two white gay dads talk about how they met, fell in love and decided to be a family by adopting a little black girl during a three-minute video. No doubt that Raphaelle she is being treated well, and that these two dads love her. We are supposed to feel all gooey-gooey about the fact that these two handsome, appealing men with charming French accents have been allowed to adopt. Problem Number One. We are all for gay acceptance, gay rights, gay marriage, but indisputable is the reality that gay…
  • Jennifer Aniston to adopt! At last! It's a Girl!

    8 Oct 2014 | 12:46 pm
    Jennifer Aniston--Adoptive Mom to Be? Update on 10/9:  Jennifer Aniston is not pregnant and she is not considering adoption, at least not right now. That is the message that was delivered this week by her publicist Stephen Huvane. Recent rumored started by Life & Style have suggested that Aniston and fiancé Justin Theroux are thinking about adopting. In a statement to Page Six, Huvane said in no uncertain terms that Aniston is not planning to adopt or have a child in the near future.                     …
  • Finding Your Roots: Bastards show up in all family trees

    6 Oct 2014 | 10:40 am
    Henry Louis GatesHow many of us have ancestors who were born outside of marriage? Plenty it would seem. Last week's episode of Henry Louis Gates, Jr's Finding Your Roots on PBSfound that the three athletic greats the program featured all had ancestors born under less than auspicious circumstances. Tennis legend and feminist Billie Jean King, Yankee all star Derrick Jeter, and women's basketball pioneer Rebecca Lobo each had an ancestor born--outside of marriage. Gates is a warm and engaging host, and the show never fails to emphasize the connection of natural families. Guests are likely to…
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    One Thankful Mom | Lisa Qualls

  • Two Months Home

    Lisa Qualls
    22 Oct 2014 | 6:00 am
    Today marks two months since I made my last trip to Montana and brought Dimples back with me. Since that day Dimples has moved home, transitioned to a new school, played a season of volleyball, joined the youth group, and made new friends. She has reconnected with special people who were part of her support […]
  • Forever Mom: What to Expect When You’re Adopting (and a Book Giveaway)

    Lisa Qualls
    20 Oct 2014 | 6:43 am
    Owlhaven is one of the very first blogs I read when we were beginning our adoption journey. Mary Ostyn, has been writing Owlhaven a few months longer than I’ve been writing One Thankful Mom. Over the years we’ve become friends and a few weekends ago we spent three days together on a retreat with a small […]
  • Sunday Gratitude 10.19.14

    Lisa Qualls
    19 Oct 2014 | 12:37 pm
    giving thanks #1511 – 1520 a Saturday that stretched before us – no travel, meetings, or appointments warm weather while we worked in the yard  Russ’ happiness at a day spent outdoors kids cheerfully (for the most part) working with usa new chore chart (that I finally created) which should make mornings easier family dinner […]
  • Not Quite What I Hoped For

    Lisa Qualls
    15 Oct 2014 | 9:39 am
      Two days at UW, multiple appointments, testing, interviews, and finally a team meeting around the conference table. The final report – Eby’s sensory differences are significant, he has some speech challenges , and trauma is still a big factor influencing his life. As I listened to the team talk about their findings, my hope […]
  • Sunday Gratitude 10.12.14

    Lisa Qualls
    12 Oct 2014 | 1:17 pm
    giving thanks #1491 – 1510 major progress on prepping for our garage remodel folks from our care group who spent hours working with us yesterday a nearly empty (for the first time in 15 years) garage storage bins on clearance gathering as a family last night to celebrate Little Man’s 8th birthday (which is tomorrow) […]
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    Rage Against the Minivan

  • Wednesday's Child: Creshawna

    22 Oct 2014 | 5:30 pm
    Every Wednesday I feature a child recently highlighted by a local Wednesday's Child newscast to share the stories of children from around the country who are waiting for a family. My hope is that this can broaden exposure for the children highlighted, but also serve as a reminder that these children represent thousands of children currently in the foster-care system. Perhaps their stories will inspire you to consider opening your home to a child needing a family. For more information and to learn about other waiting children, visit AdoptUsKids
  • 25 Conversation Starters for the Car

    22 Oct 2014 | 6:53 am
    This post was sponsored by FordRoad trips . . . they can be boring and tedious, but they can also be a time for family bonding. While we certainly aren't opposed to breaking out the technology for long-haul trips, we try to avoid relying on digital entertainment for shorter trips. For example, a trip to grandma's house is about 45 minutes, and one we take pretty frequently. Instead of pulling out the ipads, we try to use that time as a chance to have some deeper conversations with the kids, while we've got a "captive audience."  We are a huge fan of games that ask questions, especially…
  • What I want you to know about my abusive relationship

    22 Oct 2014 | 6:00 am
    What I Want You to Know is a series of reader submissions. It is an attempt to allow people to tell their personal stories, in the hopes of bringing greater compassion to the unique issues each of us face. If you would like to submit a story to this series, click here.  Today’s guest post is by an anonymous writer.Being in an abusive relationship is one thing, leaving an abusive relationship is another....and having that abuse escalate after leaving is hell. I was with a controlling, verbally and emotionally abusive man for 12 years. I knew he was abusive,…
  • How to Engage Your Kids on the Ride Home From School

    21 Oct 2014 | 7:00 am
    This content was sponsored by FordOur pace has really changed since the kids started school again. After we get home, the kids have to do their homework. Then they need to practice drums and guitar, and after that they are usually begging to go outside and play with the neighbor kids while I assemble dinner. Before we know it, it's bedtime, and it's easy to feel like I barely connected with the kids before they have to head to bed.I've been trying to be intentional about using our car ride home from school as a time to reconnect with the kids and get information about their day. I like the…
  • What I want you to know about what it's like to have a missing loved one

    20 Oct 2014 | 6:00 am
    What I Want You to Know is a series of reader submissions. It is an attempt to allow people to tell their personal stories, in the hopes of bringing greater compassion to the unique issues each of us face. If you would like to submit a story to this series, click here.  Today’s guest post is by Anita Davis SullivanThose people you hear about on the news or see flyers of? They have real families behind them and people longing for them, missing them. I'm one of them. My brother has been missing since June 2007. You should know what's it like. Not those few cases that…
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    Julie Gumm - Author

  • Lashes for Landon – Adoption Fundraiser

    Julie Gumm
    21 Oct 2014 | 6:27 am
    Remember my post a few weeks ago about the 3D Fiber Lashes and the party I was hosting. Well in a hilarious (to me) turn of events, I am now selling the stuff. Yes, I loved it THAT much! One of the fun things about being a Younique consultant is that I can now do adoption fundraisers for people. Like for this little guy, Landon….   Here’s a bit from his mom, Cheryl… After my husband died 2 1/2 years ago, I had no idea where my life was going. I had two young children to raise alone, and half way through the process of an international adoption of a little special needs…
  • Breakfast With Santa Adoption Fundraiser

    Julie Gumm
    23 Sep 2014 | 11:00 pm
    Seem a little early to be thinking about Christmas? It’s not, I promise! The holidays offer some great adoption fundraiser ideas and I especially love this one from the Teply family. They added Santa to their pancake breakfast fundraiser! A pancake breakfast fundraiser is a great idea in itself. Families have made several thousand dollars with this idea (like the Burden family). But give a mom a chance to get her kids pictures with Santa WITHOUT going to the mall and you have hit the jackpot!! No mom wants to stand in line for an hour (or more) for the over-priced photo in which their…
  • My beauty product splurge – 3D Fiber Lashes

    Julie Gumm
    15 Sep 2014 | 6:57 am
    I don’t review a lot of products on this blog, and I certainly don’t review beauty products regularly, but today that’s what you’re getting. So if you’re one of my male readers feel free to move on to the next blog post of the day now A few weeks before we moved my friend Jen was over for a late night editing session and she asked me if I had ever heard of 3D Mascara. She proceeded to fill me in on this weird sounding stuff where you put green tea fibers on your eyelashes. Say what? Anyways, fast forward a couple months and someone invited me to an online party…
  • The Whole World Wants a Job

    Julie Gumm
    2 Sep 2014 | 6:13 am
    Gallup has just published early findings from their “World Poll.”  They are literally conducting a ten-year poll of what the entire world is thinking (160 countries). Here’s a snippet from their main discovery: “What the whole world wants is a good job. That is one of the single biggest discoveries Gallup has ever made. It is as simple and as straightforward an explanation of the data as we can give. If you and I were walking down the street in Khartoum, Tehran, Berlin, Lima, Los Angeles, Baghdad, Kolkata, or Istanbul, we would discover that on most days the single…
  • What’s new in the new version of “Adopt Without Debt”

    Julie Gumm
    8 Aug 2014 | 6:50 am
    Now that the new book is listed on several retail book sites (see links below) I’ve had a few people ask me what the difference is between the two books. So here’s the low down… The first book was self-published in May 2011 and was approximately 25,000 words (152 pages) The first book is out of print and only available from used book sellers who are charging an exorbitant amount of money. Please don’t go into debt to buy the book The first book told our story and focused only on how to pay for adoption. The new book is being released by a “real” publisher…
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    Lost Daughters

  • The White Saviors

    19 Oct 2014 | 7:27 am
    I had an affair with a strapping young white man. It was beautiful but then fell into ruin. He used me and ignored me. I can see his bright, blonde hair and his sea blue eyes. I remember the hurt as he left me with a destroyed family life.Then, I woke. I had this nightmare a week ago. It spoke to me as symbolic of the way in which I felt the white world sees me … to use until I am no longer of use.Bill O’Reilly knows how to use me. The mere fact that he uses my race, “Asian,” as a means of discounting white privilege illustrates something. He is actually using his white privilege to…
  • Anniversary: A Guest Post by Karen Goldner

    14 Oct 2014 | 6:00 am
    It was ten years ago this past March when I got the call that my sister had died. It was relatively early in the morning, around 7:00 am. That was my first indication that it was bad news. Nobody ever calls at 7:00 am with good news.“Are you sitting down? You had better sit down, “ my sister-in-law Jenifer said. “There’s been an accident. Cristi is dead.”I was shocked and confused to hear my sister, who was 14 months younger than me, was dead.  I was very upset to hear this news, but the predominant emotion I felt was confusion.  Cristi was my full biological sister, but I…
  • Xenopbia or Patriotism

    9 Oct 2014 | 9:00 pm
    I am well aware of that this place that I have come to love so much is supposed to be our place. A place were there is no need to censor, restrain or filter ourselves, our thoughts, experiences or opinions. Since I not only am a Woman of colour since I am an Asian adoptee I also am the only European adoptee. Even though I do not like to discuss politics since the Swedish election (which happens every fourth year) was just completed. I thought I would use this post to discuss the recent developments in Europe. (This will also be the only post were I will discuss politics.) I would also like to…
  • Adoptee Identity and the Fear of Losing Connections

    Karen Pickell
    9 Oct 2014 | 11:28 am
    Photo by La Citta Vita via FlickrI have been thinking a lot about connectedness. This is different than belonging, which is fitting, like the stone in the center of a peach. Connectedness does not require the perfect environment. It is more like a house in a yard on a street with a park at the end; these things touch each other and may, to some, be considered part of a whole, though they each exist independently and might exist equally well someplace else.I’ve long understood that I don’t belong in my adoptive family the way other people I know belong in the families they grew up in. I am…

    1 Oct 2014 | 2:31 pm
     Arriving in Canada on February 23rd, 1987After much thought and a few unexpected events, I have decided to search. Searching has always seemed next to impossible to me, given the lack of information I have about my birth family. I was born in late 1985 in the northern part of Ethiopia, an area heavily affected by famine and civil war. I don’t have a birth record and what I know about my birth family is only through word of mouth. In fact, my official documents were produced a few months after my birth with the sole purpose of legalizing my adoption. I understand that it…
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    One Inch of Grace

  • How to Braid Blond Hair

    28 Sep 2014 | 11:00 am
    I wrote the following as a guest post for another blog several months ago. It was never published there, so I wanted to share it here instead. Before our kids came to live with us, they were raised by a wonderful foster family. At the time, my daughter had very long hair and her foster […]
  • Love in the D: Michael and Barbara’s Wedding

    21 Sep 2014 | 7:42 pm
    I’ve been co-blogging at Love in the D for several months and I wanted to share my latest post, featuring Michael and Barbara’s Detroit wedding. I’ve known Barb since she was about 7, so it was fun to interview her and see all her beautiful photos. If you were married in Detroit and would like […]
  • Why My Kids Go to a Primarily Black School

    12 Aug 2014 | 7:32 pm
    Originally posted on Ashleigh Carroll:Most people know that our kids go to Downtown Elementary, which is a public school here in Memphis that happens to have mostly black students enrolled. This is not an accident. My journey started when John suggested we submit an application for Jac to go to Perea Preschool, which is…
  • This week in Detroit

    1 Aug 2014 | 5:00 pm
    The “beach” at Campus Martius The Detroit RiverfrontFiled under: Family in the City, Our Adopted Life
  • The interview of a lifetime

    25 Jul 2014 | 7:18 pm
    Well, maybe this wasn’t really the interview of a lifetime, but I did get to interview someone that’s made a huge difference for my family: Heather Forbes. If you’ve read my blog before, you know that I am a big fan of Heather’s and her parenting model, Beyond, Consequences, Logic and Control (you can read more […]
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  • “Coming Out” As Adopted

    Snow Leopard
    27 Sep 2014 | 6:39 pm
    The metaphor of “coming out” has been used elsewhere as a way to describe the experience of disclosing one’s status as adopted. What do you think about how this metaphor illuminates and distorts being open about one’s adoption experience?
  • Ok…does anyone know what’s going on in India?

    Mark Diebel
    21 Aug 2014 | 12:43 pm
    I wrote an article (published) that I’ve posted on Academia dot edu called “Human Nature and Truthfulness in Adoption and Donor Conception Practice”. The article has received 49 hits in the last 30 days from Delhi, Bangalore, Kolkata, Kumar, Gurgaon, Suri, Mumbai, Vijayawada, etc. The search terms when identified are something like “to be truthful is […]
  • How do you handle privacy issues?

    Daniel Ibn Zayd
    18 Aug 2014 | 10:32 pm
    A question from a fellow adoptee: My question for other adoptees is, what have your experiences been as far as “coming out” as adopted is concerned? For instance, I am an adoptee completely estranged from my parents for six years, but a lot of my friends and coworkers did not know anything about my family […]
  • Changing the facts of adoption like birthdate

    Lucy Sheen aka 4gottenadoptee
    13 Aug 2014 | 11:31 pm
    Originally posted on Lucy Sheen actor writer filmmaker adoptee:Changing a child’s birth date That’s the title of for a thread on a recent adoption forum site. Yes, you read correctly the subject of discussion on an adoption thread. The family in question had apparently adopted a boy who had been abandoned. So the actual…
  • Adoption: Abide or die.

    Daniel Ibn Zayd
    8 Aug 2014 | 12:40 am
    Over the years I’ve received much in the way of hateful missives, personal attacks, threats, libelous statements, etc. Some I reply to, some I ignore, some I seek legal counsel concerning. After a recent uptick in such communication, I realized something about the nature and sublimated message of them, which perhaps serves as a “message” […]
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    Unsigned Masterpiece

  • In search of self…

    Unsigned Masterpiece
    1 Oct 2014 | 9:47 am
    A Vermont Man is riding his bike to meet his family in Minnesota.  Read all about it here. on his blog called Ridinghometofindme.Filed under: Adoption, Adoption reunion, Cycling Tagged: Matthew Reid, Tim Howard
  • The truth shall also set you free…

    Unsigned Masterpiece
    27 Aug 2014 | 2:19 am
    A great post from Lost Daughters on the choppy waters of adoption reunion. If You Love Something, Let It Go Free And this feels like the companion piece to the Lost Daughters post.  From The Adopted Ones: Good Grief – This Gets So Tiring. I am adding another post to this list a day after […]
  • No Good Deed Goes Unpunished (Adoption Division)

    Unsigned Masterpiece
    20 Aug 2014 | 12:54 pm
    Then I noticed it. Down at the bottom of the email was a box and in it, in lovely, flowing, colourful letters, they expressed support for adoption.
  • Adoption Should be A Last Resort…

    Unsigned Masterpiece
    20 Jul 2014 | 1:29 pm
    It's always good when people "Get it"
  • The Power of Biology, the Fear of Fertility (and adoption)

    Unsigned Masterpiece
    10 Jul 2014 | 11:48 am
    Great piece in The Land of a Gazillion Adoptees.  This is a great online magazine coming up to its first anniversary.Filed under: Adoption
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    Together for Adoption

  • Adoption Nuggets (24): Dipping Into Metaphorical Theology (6)

    Tim J R Trumper
    22 Oct 2014 | 7:55 am
    Fundamental Question #2: Is Paul’s Language of Adoption to Be Taken Literally or Metaphorically? (Continued)Conservative theologians are united in their belief that God’s adoptive grace in Christ is a reality ~ indeed, a wonderful reality!Some think or assume Paul’s references to adoption are literal, which is to say that God has actually adopted his people. Others understand the references to be metaphorical, meaning that God has not actually adopted us. Rather, by speaking of our divine acceptance in terms of adoption we have been equipped to articulate our acceptance in a…
  • Get a handle on the crisis: join us October 17-18 in Greenville, SC

    Dan Cruver
    8 Oct 2014 | 6:41 am
    *John Sowers’ personal invitation to join him October 17-18 in Greenville, SC.This year’s Together for Adoption conference will give you a handle on the global orphan crisis and the primary issues with which we should be concerned. Never before have we had this many experts join us for a conference (see here, here, and here). If you’ve wanted to get a handle on the issues, this is your opportunity. We hope you’ll join us.T4A Speaker Quotations We hope you can join us!
  • Less than 2 weeks to T4A Conference 2014!

    Dan Cruver
    7 Oct 2014 | 11:54 am
    Together for Adoption National Conference 2014 is less than 2 weeks away! We are excited to welcome everyone to the beautiful Upstate of South Carolina to explore and consider this year’s theme: Urgency & Complexity: Biblical & Ethical Approaches to the Orphan Crisis. What’s special about this year’s conference? Take a look:Free Childcare. Sign your children up ASAP. Most of the spots are filled.30-Minute Speakers.10-Minute Speakers.Online Registration.Workshops.Conference Partners.Hotels.Travel | Directions.Ready-Made Tweets.Learn more about this year’s…
  • New Trailer: “You can fundamentally change the world of orphan care”

    Jacob Forrest
    23 Sep 2014 | 3:58 pm
    Learn more about this year’s national conference.
  • VIDEO: Brandon Hatmaker’s personal invite to attend this year’s conference

    Dan Cruver
    23 Sep 2014 | 10:17 am
    *Watch an ever so slightly longer version of Brandon’s video invitation.Learn More About the Conference.
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    Cheese Curds and Kimchi-Our international adoption story

  • Big Brother is 4!

    11 Oct 2014 | 3:19 pm
    (Finally getting around to posting this....Little Man turned 4 in July!)Dear Little Man, The kids were all gathered around party table as I put the candles into the chocolate cupcake topped with purple frosting.One.Two.Three.As I prepared to light the candles, The Man says, "you ARE going to put one more on, right". Ack! I still couldn't get it into my brain. You are 4 now!Four years old!생일 축하합니다!  We filled the hallway with balloons again this year, so you would wake up and know it was your special day. We were going to put them in your bedroom this year instead of the…
  • Things change

    30 Sep 2014 | 2:07 pm
    Hey there. Remember me?I'm the dimwit who wrote a season-ending giant cliffhanger a few months ago, saying things were going to change.And then I never returned. So let me catch you up.First there was this:And this:And then all of this.See? BIG!!The Cheesecurds are no longer in the Land of Cheese! We are now, hell, I have no idea what they call folks here. Doesn't matter though...we are still Cheesecurds. We just live in the City of Roses now. Portland, to be exact.You might be saying "holy hell, I can't believe they picked up and moved!" and that's my thoughts exactly as I drive around our…
  • Nanny in the house

    25 Jul 2014 | 12:25 pm
    I never really saw us as nanny people. That very word seems so pretentious and conjures up images of an uptight, elderly fussbucket who caters to rich families and spoiled children.However, I'm changing my tune.After four months off of work, it was time for me to go back to the real world. But Little Brother was clingy and still a little scared. We were concerned (OK, mostly I was concerned but The Man went along with it) that it would be too much for Little Brother to go to the preschool that Little Man attends. Although there are two regular classroom teachers, many other teachers rotate…
  • Three years a family!

    8 Jul 2014 | 8:20 am
    Starting our life together. 5/10/2011(This is a catch-up post. Our family day with Little Man was May 10. I'm only a few months late which is pretty good for me lately!)*****Family. Before Little Man came that word only referred to The Man, myself, Gus the wonder dog and our kitties.But now it's much more. Three years ago our definition of family was revolutionized when a quiet boy was placed in my arms, sitting stiffly in my lap during our taxi ride away from the adoption agency.I think back to that baby---that stranger who I called my child. I remember how he behaved then, small indicators…
  • Catching up

    5 Jul 2014 | 8:20 am
    Wow.I have no idea where these past months have gone. Wait...yes I do. They've been spent changing diapers, fostering a sibling relationship, trying to carve out some time for me, finding a nanny, returning to work, struggling to stay ahead of the never-ending laundry. You get the drift.So, here we are, nearly four months post-placement and we are surviving! Sometimes I even think we are thriving! The boys get along (mostly). We are getting onto a solid schedule (usually). We took another trip back to Washington state to visit family. This time Little Brother did much better with the flights!
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  • Child Trafficking: Pound Pup Legacy

    22 Oct 2014 | 2:55 am
    Child Trafficking = Big BusinessPeople need to recognize what's being done to parents and children is criminal.  Poor people are offered money to relinquish their child, others are promised an education for their children and their eventual return, only later to find out adoption is a permanent measure. Some children are even kidnapped, and stolen and taken to an orphanage, where there are forced to live in ghastly conditions.This website section contains discussions and articles about child trafficking in the context of international adoption.  In addition, a collection of…
  • New Scholarship on Removals of Indian Children from their Homes #BabyVeronica #Colonization

    21 Oct 2014 | 7:03 am
    Archive Photo Posted on October 21, 2014 by Matthew L.M. Fletcher | Turtle Talk  Alyosha Goldstein has posted “Possessive Investment: Indian Removals and the Affective Entitlements of Whiteness,” published in the American Quarterly, on SSRN. Here is the abstract: In 2013 the US Supreme Court effectively granted custody of an almost four-year-old child to adoptive white parents over the opposition of her Cherokee birth father and the Cherokee Nation in Adoptive Couple v. Baby Girl (the “Baby Veronica” case). This essay examines the Court ruling, and the protracted custody and…
  • Victims of Adoption and Lies (in six parts)

    20 Oct 2014 | 2:55 am
    For new readers of this blog, you may have missed this series of articles I wrote in 2012 about adoption and lies. Here are the links: PART FIVE: Victims of Adoption and Lies - American Indian Sep 22, 2012PART FIVE: Victims of Adoption and Lies. Part 5 FORGIVENESS. By Trace A. DeMeyer. I woke up with two thoughts: there are two victims of adoption who need help and not necessarily from each other: the adoptee and the ... One: Victims of Adoption and Lies - American Indian Aug 25, 2012My friend's mother was a victim of lies and so was her Ojibwe…
  • PART SIX: Victims of Adoptions and Lies: Identification (reposting)

    19 Oct 2014 | 12:33 pm
    wiki photoPart 6: IDENTIFICATIONBy Trace A. DeMeyer Trace HentzI woke up with two thoughts: there are two victims of adoption who need help and not necessarily from each other: the adoptee and the first mother. Each has its own burden and neither can heal the other.My mind has been so focused on the new anthology Two Worlds, I apologize for my absence on this blog. It's not that I haven't been paying attention to comments and planning new interviews and posts.There is no shortage of news and concerns on the topic of adoption.  One biggie is identification!A recent…
  • Tribunal into Ottawa’s handling of First Nations kids nearing its end after 7 years

    17 Oct 2014 | 11:27 am
    Photos of Truth and Reconciliation Commission Chair Murray Sinclair at Yale last fall (Photos by Trace)Tribunal into Ottawa’s handling of First Nations kids nearing its end after 7 yearsvisit:
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    Infant Adoption Guide

  • IAG 027 – Dr Ray Guarendi – author, speaker and adoptive dad of 10

    Tim Elder
    2 Oct 2014 | 8:43 pm
    On this episode of the show I chat with Dr Ray Guarendi, a father to 10 adopted children who is also a clinical psychologist, author, speaker and radio/TV host. Dr. Ray has been a regular guest on TV and radio programs such as Oprah, The 700 Club and CBS This Morning. Through all of his […]
  • Ask An Adoption Question #6: I want to adopt – where do I start?

    Tim Elder
    27 Sep 2014 | 7:40 am
    In today’s “Ask An Adoption Question”, Allison asks about how to get started on the adoption process.   Tim, Thank you so much for your wonderful site! I’m just starting the adoption process. I’m truly at a loss of where to go to find assistance with the process. I don’t know if I should use […]
  • IAG 026 – Adoption Grants with Becky Fawcett of

    Tim Elder
    19 Sep 2014 | 1:59 pm
    Most of us who are working to save money for our domestic infant adoption could use help with covering the cost. What if you could get FREE money for your adoption journey? Our guest on the show today is Becky Fawcett, an adoptive mom, blogger, and the Founder/Executive Director of, which is a national non-profit […]
  • Adoption, vacation and pillow pets in the rear view mirror

    Tim Elder
    6 Sep 2014 | 9:31 pm
    Over the years, my wife and I have been on several vacations together. Many of them were road trips where it took several hours to get to our destination. Maybe you know what it’s like to pack for a long road trip. As much as we try to simplify our packing and take only the […]
  • IAG 025: Adoption Home Study Questions & Answers with Lori Fraas

    Tim Elder
    29 Aug 2014 | 6:13 am
    How would it feel to ask a social worker about your adoption home study BEFORE you started the process? What if that social worker had already completed over 1500 home studies? Licensed clinical social worker Lori Fraas is our guest on the show today. She shares her experience from completing over 1500 home studies. She […]
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    All In The Family Of Adoption

  • I Err Therefore I Am

    Kellie C
    1 Oct 2014 | 6:00 am
    It's amazing the lengths we will go to so we don't have to admit being wrong. This blog is about me admitting how wrong I was. We are wrong all the time, and sometimes those mistakes cost more than others. Don't let a "feeling" of being right give you a false sense of security. Watch the TED Talk. She says it very well.
  • Adoption Truth: A Day For Change

    Kellie C
    23 Sep 2014 | 5:36 pm
    Adoption Truth: A Day For Change  Cassi has written a wonderful tribute to all of the parents and grandparents fighting for their children.
  • Paradigm Shift: Carrie and Camden: Surmountable separation

    Kellie C
    16 Sep 2014 | 8:08 pm
    I was going to write something for Carri, but I could not say it any better than Margie.  Please go and read and consider giving just a few dollars to help Carri fight to get her son back. Paradigm Shift: Carrie and Camden: Surmountable separation: Carrie Stearns is a struggling mother, like many of us are for one reason or another. Raising five children, the birth of her son Camde...
  • Would You Be Pro-Adoption?

    Kellie C
    7 Sep 2014 | 5:30 pm
    Not too long ago Robin, our resident adoptee writer, asked me the following question: "If Olivia's adoption hadn't closed, do you think you would be pro-adoption?”I answered with the following, and she suggested I share it in a blog post: "I’ve asked myself this very question many times, and I don’t believe I would have been pro-adoption even if Charlie wouldn’t have objected in the end.  If she would have said the night before or the day she signed the papers, “Mom, I’m fine.  This is the right decision.” I still think there would be issues with us…
  • Welcome To My World: Long Hard Road Out of Hell

    Kellie C
    31 Aug 2014 | 1:50 pm
    Welcome To My World: Long Hard Road Out of Hell: Well, it only took eight years, numerous frivolous motions and a lot of tantrums, but the end came swiftly and brutally for the foster paren...
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    east west chic

  • A New Adoption Blog Community

    Mrs. O
    2 Oct 2014 | 1:21 pm
    You may notice that the posts on eastwestchic are becoming a bit more fashion-oriented. That’s because I’ve launched a new blog, orphantoadoption that focuses exclusively on adoption and family issues. Come check it out! The post A New Adoption Blog Community appeared first on east west chic.
  • Fall Fashion

    Mrs. O
    1 Oct 2014 | 7:55 am
    Check out this adorable dress I just picked up from LOFT. I wasn’t sure this would be flattering at first glance, however, it’s an adorable wrap that comes just to the right length and with a universally flattering color palette. It’s still available at LOFT here. The post Fall Fashion appeared first on east west chic.
  • Sweatshirt Style

    Mrs. O
    29 Sep 2014 | 5:10 am
    Here’s a simple outfit with one of LOFT’s recent fall collection additions available here. A pink sweatshirt + French lettering = parfait. The top says “Mon Doux Amour” or “my cute love”. It is my new love. It looks great with skinny blue jeans and also with my grey LOFT skinny jeans. Add an over-the-top necklace and you have made a style statement. Sweatshirt: LOFT Jeans: LOFT circa 2013 Necklace: LOFT circa 2012 Shoes: Nordstrom The post Sweatshirt Style appeared first on east west chic.
  • Why Infertility is So Hard

    Mrs. O
    28 Sep 2014 | 4:46 pm
    I recently wrote a lengthy post all about my struggle with infertility which led us to adoption. Being raised by an adopted parent, I always had adoption in the back of my mind and honestly was not really concerned when the first few months and years passed without a pregnancy. When people would innocently (but rather nosily) ask when my husband and I were planning to start a family, I would respond that I didn’t know, but if we didn’t have children the old fashioned way by the time I was 30, we’d adopt. And I meant it, although I never believed it would happen. I understand…
  • Preparing Your Adoption Dossier

    Mrs. O
    27 Sep 2014 | 4:45 pm
    Oh the abominable dossier. Once you’ve adopted internationally, you will use this term so freely and frequently that you’ll forget the whole world does not know what you are talking about. The term “dossier” is found in Webster’s dictionary. And while I fancied myself to have a decent vocabulary, I had never heard the word until we embarked on our China adoption. Essentially, a dossier is a group of documents about a particular person or subject matter. In the case of adoption, it is a set of extremely detailed documents about your family. Everything personal and…
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    Orphan to Adoption

  • Fostering Attachment in An Adopted Child: Video

    21 Oct 2014 | 11:08 am
    We already loved our adoption agency, Holt International, the first time around. However, as we are speeding forward on our second adoption, I appreciate Holt even more. Bracing myself for the salesman or needy friend at the door when the doorbell rang at 9 a.m., I was happily surprised to find a package from Holt. Inside were 5 DVDs from TCU’s Institute of Child Development as well as a spiral bound packet with information for parents on handling a variety of issues that come up during the adoption process and once home. I watched a bit of one video and had to find a way to share. It…
  • Helping Your Newly Adopted Child Sleep

    19 Oct 2014 | 7:01 pm
    I was once given some sage advice on helping a newly adopted child get some sleep, “Sleep begets sleep, you know.” Yes, I do know. But at some point it’s hard to know how to even get this sleep thing started with your newly adopted child. A lot of kids, if not most, struggle with sleeping patterns at some point in their young lives. Nevertheless, with an adopted child, especially an older toddler, we as adoptive parents have missed out on years of practice understanding this particular child’s rhythms and sleep patterns. Early on in our adoption process I knew that…
  • The Real Danger for Ebola Orphans

    17 Oct 2014 | 2:30 pm
    War-torn countries like Liberia already housed more orphans than the country could handle prior to the Ebola outbreak. However, there’s a new kind of orphan out there – the children of Ebola victims. USA Today wrote a great piece highlighting the plight of specific orphans like already fatherless Frank Mulbah – shunned because his mother died of Ebola. This young man was tested and found free of the virus; however, no one is there to care for him. He is left on his own to find food and shelter. And yet, he is young and especially vulnerable to the disease because of his…
  • 10 Parenting Tips for Dummies

    14 Oct 2014 | 5:07 am
    If you are a new parent or become an overnight parent, like I did through adoption of a 3 year old, there are a few things that seasoned parents might not tell you. It’s not because they are hiding their powerful parenting secrets, but some of these things are so obvious, we shouldn’t need to be told. And yet, some of us do need telling before we have to figure it out the hard way. So without further adieu: 1. Keep sprinkles out of sight At first, I assumed that as long as items were out of reach, I was good to go. Not so. Sprinkles have been the biggest mess and source of stress…
  • What to Pack on your Adoption Trip to China

    12 Oct 2014 | 7:05 am
    This adoption will mark my husband’s and my third trip to China. Like they say, the third time really is the charm. I know what and what not to pack and exactly what I wish I had brought on the last trip. I traveled a bit internationally before we adopted Mr. Wu; however, I quickly learned that international travels with a toddler are a whole other ball game. With that in mind, here’s the list of must haves as you embark on your adoption journey to China: 1. Clothes for about 7 days As for me, I brought about 5 pairs of pants (mostly dark jeans) and 7 shirts. We did laundry once,…
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