• Most Topular Stories

  • Voices in My Head

    Writing My Wrongs
    Suz Bednarz
    30 Oct 2014 | 9:24 am
    Jenna over at Stop, Drop and Blog had a great post about internal self-talk. I was struck by the honesty in her post as well as by the fact that many of her voices are so different from mine. This made me think about the root of those voices, how and why they vary. Generational? Jenna is younger than I am. Situational? Dispositional? And so on. (Yes, I spend a great deal of time pondering stuffs). I will share some of my own voices with you. I hear these daily. They usually start the minute I wake from sleep but often occur in my dreams as well. You are fat and this means you are ugly. You…
  • The Narrative Demands of Guests in Adoptee-Centric Spaces

    Lost Daughters
    25 Oct 2014 | 3:12 pm
    Recently, Adoption Today inquired on their Facebook page, "This question is for adoptees only: What do you wish your adoptive parents would have learned about adoption before they adopted you?" Unsurprisingly, at least to me, fewer than 20 adoptees responded within a space that has nearly 4,000 possible participants. The question itself is seemingly benign--that is unless we consider it problematic that mainstream media typically only asks such questions to support parents or professionals, not to support adoptees. But, don't look at the question; look at what's around it.On the same page,…
  • Please Take the CUB “OPEN ADOPTION BETRAYAL” Survey

    Musings of the Lame- Exposing Adoption Truth
    Claudia Corrigan DArcy
    8 Oct 2014 | 12:25 pm
    Fellow birth mother and researcher, Dr. Gail Hanssen Perry would like to know more about today's betrayed open adoptions. She wants to compare today's experiences with the findings of her doctoral research, “Extending Families: How Adoptive Parents Transition to Openness”, now 20 years old. This will not only enhances the CUB Retreat, but it could become part of a document CUB prepares to alert vulnerable pregnant couples to possible pitfalls. Gail and CUB Founder, Lee Campbell, have... Come on by to Musings of the Lame to read the rest of this post. Come on, you know you want to!
  • Audio from T4A Conference 2014

    Together for Adoption
    Dan Cruver
    28 Oct 2014 | 8:29 am
    Here is the first batch of free audio from our October 17-18 Together for Adoption Conference 2014.Our primary objective for this year’s conference was to maximize our time together by providing important conversations with people who are key leaders, thinkers, and practitioners in the global orphan care and adoption movement. We worked hard to facilitate extended conversations that matter—conversations that uniquely addressed the complex spectrum of care needed for orphans globally. Every main session talk was followed by a 20-25 minute onstage conversation in which leaders within…
  • RIP Paul J. Kim

    Kimchi Mamas
    27 Oct 2014 | 3:02 pm
    Let us take a moment to keep in mind the family of Rutgers student, Paul J. Kim. is reporting Paul's body was recovered earlier this month from the Hudson River. His death has been ruled a suicide. Though I did not personally know Paul, I do know that suicide is a real problem in the Korean/Korean American population. Too...
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    Musings of the Lame- Exposing Adoption Truth

  • Cannibalism in AdoptionLand

    Claudia Corrigan DArcy
    24 Oct 2014 | 2:51 pm
    If anyone has a legitimate question and is willing to accept what I can share with them, then by all means I am more than willing to dispel any confusion or doubts. Anyone else, please get the fuck out of my way. I know who you are and I am aware now that you are no friend of mine, so pardon me if I don't ask nicely twice and just push you aside; I have work to do and you have already wasted way too much of my time. read more... → Come on by to Musings of the Lame to read the rest of this post. Come on, you know you want to!
  • 865 Pages of Transcripts to Bring Camden Home!

    Claudia Corrigan DArcy
    10 Oct 2014 | 5:20 pm
    The finial cost estimate for what is needed is 179, 317, and 379 pages at $5.50 a page. I'll save you the math; it's $4,700.00 and really should be ordered as soon as possible, like next week. So, are we ready to make a miracle happen again? You help and support during this has been nothing short of amazing and only with YOU have we been able to keep this moving along. It's not Adoption. It's not Gentle. It's not Care. With your help, we can fight this and make it right. I know we can. I... Come on by to Musings of the Lame to read the rest of this post. Come on, you know you want to!
  • Hey Media Folks- Anyone Want a REAL Story for National Adoption Month?

    Claudia Corrigan DArcy
    9 Oct 2014 | 12:10 pm
    With National Adoption Month coming up in November, I am sure your publication is preparing heartwarming tales to highlight adoption. I would like to tell you about a story that doesn't fall under the normal feel good, but is instead, a complete fallacy of everything we want to celebrate about adoption. It is a story about corrupting and the abuses of power. It is a story about a mother in crisis having that vulnerability exploited, trusting the wrong people and then fighting a system that... Come on by to Musings of the Lame to read the rest of this post. Come on, you know you want to!
  • Please Take the CUB “OPEN ADOPTION BETRAYAL” Survey

    Claudia Corrigan DArcy
    8 Oct 2014 | 12:25 pm
    Fellow birth mother and researcher, Dr. Gail Hanssen Perry would like to know more about today's betrayed open adoptions. She wants to compare today's experiences with the findings of her doctoral research, “Extending Families: How Adoptive Parents Transition to Openness”, now 20 years old. This will not only enhances the CUB Retreat, but it could become part of a document CUB prepares to alert vulnerable pregnant couples to possible pitfalls. Gail and CUB Founder, Lee Campbell, have... Come on by to Musings of the Lame to read the rest of this post. Come on, you know you want to!
  • Adoption Book Review: “Birth Mother” by Denise Emanuel Clemen

    Claudia Corrigan DArcy
    23 Sep 2014 | 9:05 am
    What I love the most about Denise Emanuel Clemen's memoir "Birth Mother" is that it is ONLY the pregnancy and immediate adoption experience that she tells. Just as the reader has so many unanswered questions and wonders, the birthmother is left always wondering about her child and the child is left wondering about the mother. It is that complete separation that makes this story so powerful. read more... → Come on by to Musings of the Lame to read the rest of this post. Come on, you know you want to!
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    Parents for Ethical Adoption Reform (PEAR)

  • DOS Alert: The Department of State Strongly Recommends Against Adopting from the DRC at this time

    6 Oct 2014 | 11:13 am
    In light of the DRC’s September 26, 2014 announcement that its exit permit suspension for adopted children remains in effect indefinitely, the Department of State has asked all adoption agencies to cease referring new DRC adoption cases for U.S. prospective adoptive parents at this time. The Department of State strongly recommends against initiating an adoption in the DRC at this time, as adoptive children cannot leave the DRC without an exit permit issued by the DRC’s Directorate of General Migration, even with a finalized adoption.  Congolese courts continue to issue adoption…
  • USDOS Office of Children’s Issues Announces New Chief of the Adoption Division

    25 Sep 2014 | 11:40 am
    Welcome Trish Maskew, New Chief of the Adoption DivisionSeptember 24, 2014The Office of Children’s Issues is pleased to announce the appointment of Trish Maskew as the new Chief of the Adoption Division. Trish joins the Department of State from the Department of Justice where she worked in the Civil Division for almost six years.  Before joining the U.S. government, she held several positions in the intercountry adoption field: as a program coordinator for an adoption agency; a board member and interim administrator for the Joint Council on International Children’s Services; the…
  • American Families Caught Attempting Illegal DRC Exit

    17 Sep 2014 | 8:56 am
    According to reports from the Democratic Republic of Congo ("DRC"), officials intercepted an attempt by three American adoptive families to remove their children from Congo without proper authorization (  This news story has been reported as "child selling" or trafficking by DRC news outlets (  PEAR understands that the three families in question had legally adopted the seven affected children according to DRC regulations,…
  • DOS Alert: Democratic Republic of the Congo (DRC) Announces End to Exit Permit Exceptions Until New Law is Promulgated

    11 Jul 2014 | 2:13 pm
    On July 10, Ambassador James Swan met with Director General Beya of the Congolese General Direction of Migration (DGM) to seek clarification on the DGM’s decision to no longer issue exit permits to any adopted Congolese children until a new adoption law is promulgated. DGM Beya stated that his office will not accept any cases for consideration in the interim, even those involving children with medical conditions or those cases that met the DGM’s October 2013 exception criteria.During the meeting, the DGM stressed that it considers no intercountry adoptions from the DRC to be…
  • DOS Alert: Haiti announces re-registration period for Adoption Service Providers

    10 Jul 2014 | 8:27 am
    The Institut du Bien-Etre Social et de Recherche (IBESR), Haiti’s central adoption authority, recently announced updated information related to its Hague Adoption Convention intercountry adoption procedures. The announcement is available, in French, on IBESR’s website. Among other clarifications, IBESR announced that the registration period for re-authorization of international adoption service providers will be from July 14, 2014 until August 14, 2014. The list of supporting documents required is available on IBESR’s website in French. For more information on…
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    Kimchi Mamas

  • RIP Paul J. Kim

    27 Oct 2014 | 3:02 pm
    Let us take a moment to keep in mind the family of Rutgers student, Paul J. Kim. is reporting Paul's body was recovered earlier this month from the Hudson River. His death has been ruled a suicide. Though I did not personally know Paul, I do know that suicide is a real problem in the Korean/Korean American population. Too...
  • Mystery Arms

    23 Oct 2014 | 4:57 pm
    The BBC is reporting a 50 year dinosaur mystery has finally been solved . . . And it's weird! Korean and British researchers have come up with what appears to be one of the WEIRDEST dinosaurs ever reconstructed. Part of the mystery stemmed from the HUGE, long arms of this bad "...the long forearms with giant claws may have been...
  • Hello!

    19 Aug 2014 | 11:18 pm
    Hello Kimchi Mama Readers! It's me... Mary! Long time no see. I am not sure why I haven't blogged in a while... I just haven't. But today I got to thinking about Kimchi Mamas and felt like I should write a post. What have I been up to? Mostly just the usual... working, mothering, you know. My younger son started...
  • Condolences

    7 Jun 2014 | 4:19 pm
    Our deepest condolences to the family of Paul Lee, the victim of the shooting this past Thursday at Seattle Pacific University. If anyone has any connection to the family or their friends, please share so that we can help however we can.
  • Be the true hero that you are!

    6 May 2014 | 8:26 am
    Watching your child going through something painful is extremely difficult for any parent. We often wish we could take the pain away. We wish we could feel it for them instead. Watching our children go through their first heartbreaks can be torturous. Seeing them experience life’s disappointments is not easy. The good news is that we can help! We can...
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    Lavender Luz

  • Gotta Hand it to Me

    Lori Lavender Luz
    27 Oct 2014 | 4:45 am
    I have my own personal and portable DJ. Reed loves to play music for me as we drive from activity to activity. He plugs his iPod into the car’s reverse-USB port and carefully selects songs based on factors of the moment. On a recent trip that was just the two of us — which meant […] The post Gotta Hand it to Me appeared first on Lavender Luz.
  • Just the Way We Are

    Lori Lavender Luz
    13 Oct 2014 | 5:00 am
    Teen Girl had had a rough day, as often happens for teen girls in middle school. At dinner, each of us — Dad, Mom, and Tween Brother — did our best to help her feel better from the trials of her day, but the meal ended with Teen Girl in tears, dramatically fleeing from the […] The post Just the Way We Are appeared first on Lavender Luz.
  • AdoptLit Book Tour Signup: Finding Zoe

    Lori Lavender Luz
    7 Oct 2014 | 5:45 am
    You already know this is the place to participate in adoption and infertility-themed virtual book club discussions. But with this latest option — a book released into the world just today — we’re adding in a twist. Adoption Meets Deaf Community You may think you’ve explored all facets of adoption, but Finding Zoe by Brandi […] The post AdoptLit Book Tour Signup: Finding Zoe appeared first on Lavender Luz.
  • Autumn’s Raiment

    Lori Lavender Luz
    6 Oct 2014 | 4:30 am
    The stunning simplicity of Mother Nature’s fall line. ~~~~~ This post is a part of #Microblog Mondays. Whazzat? A post that is between 1 word to 8 sentences long. Head over to Stirrup Queens to join the fun. The post Autumn’s Raiment appeared first on Lavender Luz.
  • The Grown Up Room

    Lori Lavender Luz
    29 Sep 2014 | 4:00 am
    I was teaching map-making to my 1st grade Geography class. After drawing a map of my own house on the board, complete with a legend indicating bedrooms, backyard, and the titter-inducing bathrooms, I instructed each of the students to create a map of their houses. They were eager to do so, making good use of […] The post The Grown Up Room appeared first on Lavender Luz.
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    Therapy Is Expensive

  • Sometimes It’s Hard

    Kat Nielsen, MSW
    16 Oct 2014 | 8:17 pm
    Sometimes it’s hard being a Black* Chick married to a White Guy.  Being a six hour plane ride from my family and only a 45 minute from his makes it harder.  We spend a lot of time with them which only increases the amount of time I spend in soley white spaces.  White, conservative, Christian spaces. It takes a lot of energy to be the right kind of me for that. I always end the evening drained. I don’t say this to play the martyr. I LOVE my sister-in-law even if she was born in the 90s and I have to exclaim “WHY ARE YOU SO YOUNG” way too often when she doesn’t…
  • What’s This Really About?

    Kat Nielsen, MSW
    13 Oct 2014 | 4:06 pm
    I ask myself as I crouch down on my sister in law’s porch. Trying to wipe away the tears that are coming way too fast for it to be about the lack of competence of such a trivial skill. Biting back accusations instead of hurling them at my husband is a step in the right direction, but why am I even thinking them? Is he happy I failed? Will he get joy from my embarrassment? Where is this coming from? What’s this really about? Dark thoughts swirl in my brain. I believe myself when I swear these types of thoughts don’t exist. They’ve been gone long enough it’s like…
  • Fight, Flight, or Freeze

    Kat Nielsen, MSW
    22 Aug 2014 | 6:25 am
    I sat in my therapist’s office crying. Heart racing. Feeling like I couldn’t breathe. I reminded myself that while I felt like I coudn’t breathe I was in fact breathing. I took some deep abdominal breaths. I heard her voice, but it wasn’t really registering. I froze. I just needed a few moments to center and ground myself. A few moments of silence to pull myself together. She kept talking. I’m not sure what she was really saying, but her tone grew increasingly frustrated and in turn frustrating. I had been trying to get myself together, to continue the session.
  • Brutal Honesty

    Kat Nielsen, MSW
    19 Aug 2014 | 6:55 pm
    In the wake of the murder of Michael Brown and so many other Black children in our country. I have some things to say. I hold my breath when I see police. I’ve been driving for 16 years and been pulled over only three times. I’d say I actually deserved to be pulled over two of those times. One unwarranted traffic stop in 16 years is damn good odds for a Black chick in this country. But the truth is I was terrified through each and every one of those stops. Regardless of the jokes we may make, and abrupt “I didn’t do it” at the sound of sirens. A jovial…
  • August 14 2001

    Kat Nielsen, MSW
    14 Aug 2014 | 6:35 am
    It took some doing but all the calls were called and the arrangements arranged and all that was left was for a baby to be born. If only it was that easy. Amidst the contracting and pushing people showed up. My mom, my boyfriend, his aunt who’d driven him…maybe more I don’t really remember. There was also a steady stream of strangers coming in to check this or that as is the joy of giving birth at a teaching hospital. I don’t remember much about them either, but why should I they barely spoke to me. Until, that is, one of the strangers brought me a paper to sign. Turns…
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    O Momma Writes

  • Essay Writing Tips For Students

    Ashley Roberts
    23 Oct 2014 | 8:13 am
    I’ve always loved to write, from my younger years in elementary school through to college and beyond. I’m sure it’s obvious from this blog that writing is still a great passion of mine- I even included it in my website name! Sharing my thoughts and advice about topics I’m interested in keeps me connected to my sense of self, and does wonders for my emotional health! I’d highly recommended the habit of writing regularly to all parents. However, a love of writing doesn’t always equate to being a productive or efficient writer. As a college student back in the…
  • Amazing Tips For Designing a Child-Friendly Den

    Ashley Roberts
    14 Oct 2014 | 3:05 am
    Creating a child-friendly space within your home is important. It’s important for children to feel as if they have a space with your family home to call their own. But, it’s also important for parents to feel as if they have space for themselves. Building a den, with children in mind, doesn’t have to be expensive. But, it does need to be a fun area for them to relax, create and play. There is a wealth of information on how to do this. The only problem is, narrowing down what you want for your child’s den. Here are some fantastic tips that you can use to create the perfect…
  • How to Avoid Tears and Tantrums on Family Vacations

    Ashley Roberts
    7 Oct 2014 | 1:46 am
    Family vacations should provide you and your loved ones with the chance to relax and spend some quality time with each other. However, you might have found that past trips away from home have tended to end up with tears and tantrums. If you’re determined to avoid repeat performances, take a look at these simple but effective tips. Don’t be over-ambitious Sitting at your computer, it’s easy to get carried away when booking a trip. At the click of a button, you can buy tickets to an array of far flung destinations across the globe. The thought of traveling thousands of miles might appeal…
  • Upgrade Your Siding For The Last Time – Here’s The Secret

    Ashley Roberts
    30 Sep 2014 | 8:34 pm
    Our homes are under constant attack from the elements, and we must wage a constant war against them. If there is a chink in its armour they will seek it out and wreak havoc, given the chance. The siding will make your home look beautiful if it is in excellent condition. When it has suffered damage from the climatic conditions, it can start to look worn and tired. Indeed, timber cladding will rot eventually, especially if you neglect it. Regular painting and maintenance are necessary to keep it looking at its best. There are alternatives to timber siding that can make your life easy. Modern…
  • Five Handy Portable Tools You Must Have

    Ashley Roberts
    17 Sep 2014 | 12:30 pm
    Maybe the scouts weren’t prepared for the bullying they were mercilessly delivered in high school, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t any merit to their age-old motto, be prepared. If anything, it applies now more than ever. As a citizen of earth it’s your moral duty to make sure you’re equipped with the tools required to make it through the day. But the good news is you don’t have to do it online. Read this handy guide, detailing five useful, completely portable tools you must have. Then head on over to Barbeques Galore and get yourself some Ziegler & Brown tools you’ll…
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    welcome to my brain . net

  • Therapeutic Parenting Resources

    8 Oct 2014 | 6:52 am
    ( have been working very hard the last few weeks to reorganize the things I have learned over the past six years, when it comes to parenting. My goal has always been to share. However I can.As you would suspect, as my life has been pretty messy, my sharing has been pretty messy. Scattered. So, I have been putting a very deliberate effort into organizing and re-presenting it in a way that can be more easily searched and utilized.On my coaching site, you will start to see all of my little nuggets show up under the "Blog" tab. If you've read me for some time, you…
  • Open up that October door!

    1 Oct 2014 | 7:16 am
    (photo by Kate Northern; used with permission)October.It's the most wonderful time of the year in my house.Halloween ... and National Coming Out Day!I remember a time in the 80's when there was a big hub-bub in our little town over Halloween. A group of people became very vocal about the dark side of the holiday and were pushing parents to stop participating in the costumes and the trick-or-treating. Of course, my friends were the ones showing up at school with the "Save Halloween!" shirts. I did not wear one. I had already gotten my pastor-father in enough trouble a few years before wearing…
  • And then you blink and it's September

    15 Aug 2014 | 11:54 am
    I can't say the last two months flew by. It has been a challenge, and has also been the very best summer for all of my kids. The list of activities was a gift to one child, in particular. Juggling four high schoolers and all the friends and activities has my head spinning some days. But we did it. About to usher in a year with two seniors, two sophomores and a sixth grader. eek.If you are looking for a boost as school starts, here are some things I'll be participating in:The Attachment and Trauma Network is providing a free online Summit in the fall called "Educating Traumatized…
  • Summer time, when the living is ... *deep breath*

    6 Jul 2014 | 1:30 am
    I am experiencing something right now that so many of you do every year. However, it is brand new to me. I have a child attending public school, so this is my first "have them home all summer" thing.Normally, all of my kids are here all the time, and you just learn to pace yourself. I've written before that we needed to make some changes for everyone, and this was a great decision. No regrets. It is beneficial to the entire family.  However ... summer.All of the benefits we reap from a team of people in the life of a child are just gone. *poof* Like that. For three months.You have to…
  • Immediacy and Impermanence

    7 Jun 2014 | 7:29 am
    This week I participated in beautiful and ridiculously lengthy Facebook thread, birthed by burners. It was full of snark and brilliance. Within minutes I had fallen madly in love with people I have never met, and wanted them all at my party.Also, I wanted to plan a party.It erupted quickly and the comments multiplied for the better part of the day. No, really. It was insane. Hundreds of comments.  Notifications going off non-stop: ding, ding, ding. I actually crawled into bed that night and thought, "I hope a bunch of these hysterically genius wonders of humans don't stay up late and…
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    A Birth Project

  • Hey! I’m a Featured Commentator on Huffington Post Live!

    Lisa Marie
    24 Oct 2014 | 12:42 pm
    Remember that one time I was on HuffPostLive? (check out the full segment by clicking!) Check me out on Marc Lamont Hill’s show discussing strategies for white families who are parenting children of color. Filed under: In the News Tagged: adoptee, adopting a black child, Adoption, adult adoptees, African adoptee, black adoptee, HuffPostLive, lisa marie rollins, Mixed Race, multiracial
  • Video update on London Calling Residency! Thank you & 3 more days!

    Lisa Marie
    22 Oct 2014 | 4:45 pm
    I’m thrilled that I am over half way to my goal! I have raised $2005.00 of $3700.00 I still need your help! Check out the video update. Thank you so much to everyone who has contributed so far!! Filed under: Uncategorized
  • London Calling Me! Callaloo Writing Workshop – Oct 26th

    Lisa Marie
    6 Oct 2014 | 3:33 pm
    My new manuscript and new Adoptee Artist Collaborations ahead!!  I’m honored to have been invited to attend the CALLALOO Literary Journal’s 2014 Writing Workshop hosted by the Black Cultural Archives, in collaboration with The Equiano Centre at University College London, England. I have a chance to work with esteemed poet Gregory Pardlo and be in residence with fiction writers Maaza Mengiste and Jackson Brown as well as 20 other multi-genre writers selected from across the global African Diaspora. CALLALOO is a journal of African Diaspora Arts and Letters based at Texas A&M…
  • I’ll be in AZ April 5th, 7pm at Black Theatre Troupe!

    Lisa Marie
    31 Mar 2014 | 12:14 pm
    Filed under: Uncategorized Tagged: adoptee, Adoption, one woman show, reproductive justice, solo theater, theater, Transracial Adoption, ungratefuldaughter
  • News and tickets to Los Angeles Women’s Theater Festival March 29th!

    Lisa Marie
    2 Mar 2014 | 5:01 pm
    Check out my March 2014 newsletter with all my updated information about upcoming performances and workshops for the next few months. Lots of good workshops for parenting and performances, readings coming up!! yay! I’m excited to share that I’ll be performing an excerpt of “Ungrateful Daughter” in the 2014 Los Angeles Women’s Theater Festival. Please come and please share with the folks you know in the area. This is my first time performing the work in the LA Area and I want to make sure my people come to see it! Description of and trailer for the show When:…
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    Building Family Counseling

  • Adoption Academy this Monday

    28 Oct 2014 | 10:34 am
    On our way to an adoption conference in Portland in 2008. The moving sidewalk at the airport during a layover was her favorite part. My daughter and I will be sitting on the Adoption Academy panel this Monday hosted by The National Center for Adoption Law & Policy and Nationwide Children’s Hospital. I will be there to encourage my daughter and hopefully she’ll be doing most of the talking when it’s our turn to share. The Adoption Academy is a great (and inexpensive!) opportunity for prospective adoptive parents to get an overview of many different kinds of adoption to…
  • The Myths of Good Parents

    27 Oct 2014 | 8:33 am
    We do not raise children to go out into the world and be perfect and build perfect relationships with perfect people. That would be impossible. We raise children to be good enough to build good enough relationships with other good enough people. Therefore, good parents are, by definition, not perfect. It’s our imperfections — deftly handled — that will help our children to grow up and handle other people’s imperfections with compassion, understanding and good boundaries. With that in mind, these are some of the pervading myths of good parents. Myth: Good Parents…
  • Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month

    15 Oct 2014 | 7:40 am
    October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month and October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. On the 15th many families who are living with loss will light a candle at 7pm their time to create a “wave of light” in remembrance of their babies. At Kobacker House at 800 McConnell Drive, Columbus Ohio 43214, they are hosting a Pregnancy and Infant Loss Art Wall exhibit. The building is open 24/7 and the art will be on the wall on the main floor, just outside of the family kitchen as you walk toward the in-patient unit. The exhibit will be up through the end of…
  • Why is therapy so expensive?

    7 Oct 2014 | 2:05 pm
    There’s no getting around the fact that therapy can be expensive. Sure, you may pay less than you would for a hair cut and color or just a little more than you would for a massage, but most people don’t get their hair cut as often as they’re likely to go to therapy. I mean a dye job lasts what, six weeks? And most people see their counselors about four times a month. The reasons therapy costs so much are: Schooling. In order to offer psychotherapy, your counselor needs an advanced graduate degree. Generally Counselors, marriage & family therapists and social workers need…
  • Teens and Confidentiality in Counseling

    7 Oct 2014 | 9:18 am
    Parental involvement is a key ingredient in kid client success in therapy. What this looks like will depend on your child and his/her treatment plan, your practical ability to be involved (are you a noncustodial parent? Is your child receiving services at school?) and the therapist. But at the very least, you and your child’s therapist should be communicating regularly. Depending on the child, the parents and the treatment goals, I include parents in the following ways: Parents attend sessions with their child (this is common with young children and with children who are struggling with…
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    Writing My Wrongs

  • Voices in My Head

    Suz Bednarz
    30 Oct 2014 | 9:24 am
    Jenna over at Stop, Drop and Blog had a great post about internal self-talk. I was struck by the honesty in her post as well as by the fact that many of her voices are so different from mine. This made me think about the root of those voices, how and why they vary. Generational? Jenna is younger than I am. Situational? Dispositional? And so on. (Yes, I spend a great deal of time pondering stuffs). I will share some of my own voices with you. I hear these daily. They usually start the minute I wake from sleep but often occur in my dreams as well. You are fat and this means you are ugly. You…
  • Serious Q: What if…

    Suz Bednarz
    26 Oct 2014 | 2:30 pm
    The question that was not really a question did not surprise me. I sensed the feeling, the confusion, and the angst surrounding it for years. Every time I spoke with her and got an update on her reunion it was there, hiding behind the uttered phrases, peeking out behind the “things are rough but I am lucky to have her in my life” word wall she had built. I recall one particular challenging phone conversation where she cried a mixture of deeply sad and tremendously angry tears.  Her words, confused and conflicting, indicated she was tired of reunited daughters’ treatment of her and her…
  • Getting What We Want

    Suz Bednarz
    30 Sep 2014 | 10:28 am
    Sitting on the funeral home chair, too small for my ample back end, I turn to my sister. We are hiding from a woman also attending my aunts wake service. We knew said woman in our childhood days when she had exceptionally bad halitosis and a tendency to pick her nose and rub the retrieved product in between her fingers as she spoke to you. We have no desire to speak to her. We pretend we are engrossed in a deep conversation with each other. Our mother is behind me and to my left. I hear her speaking rather loudly. Are you supposed to be quiet at wakes? I am never quite sure. I have attended…
  • On Writing

    Suz Bednarz
    30 Sep 2014 | 8:13 am
    Writing is the process one follows to learn what is already known within. It sharpens the spirit, disciplines the mind and leads to solutions. In the spaces between words & solitude, observe what happens when words and silence meet. Words matter. Pay attention. Write to learn what you know.  - Mary Ann Radmacher Related posts: Writing Process Blog Tour Fail
  • Amazon Transparent

    Suz Bednarz
    29 Sep 2014 | 8:48 am
    Hubby and I watched all episodes of the Amazon original program Transparent over the weekend.   I enjoyed it. I do not want to share too much as I might spoil it for you.  Here is a bit of a teaser. Transparent tells the story of a 70-year-old divorced father coming out to his children as a woman. The story flashes back to father’s early life when he first began dressing as a woman and realizing his gender/identity. While I have no experience in this transgender area, I want to think the writers do the experience some degree of justice. I say that because while I cannot relate to being…
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  • Information Technology To The World

    14 Oct 2014 | 12:00 am
    Information Technology To The World Knowledge of Idea Fashion Paris Tips And Information InformationsKnowledge of The Fresh and Live Mama InformationsKnowledge of Medical Hypnosis Secrets InformationsKnowledge of Function Stock Market InformationsKnowledge of CRE8 Digital Media Ideas Inspiration InformationsKnowledge of Rap Outlet Inspiration InformationsKnowledge of Auction Accounting Ideas InformationsKnowledge of Jewel Springs Design Inspiration InformationsKnowledge of Good Pharmacy Inspiration InformationsKnowledge of Have The Cake Inspirations InformationsKnowledge of Snow Factories…
  • Idea Knowledge of Secure Data Destruction

    25 Sep 2014 | 11:33 am
    Idea Knowledge of Secure Data Destruction Knowledge of Fashion Hats InformationsKnowledge of Zeroemission Academy InformationsKnowledge of Regional Economics InformationsKnowledge of Online Nursing InformationsKnowledge of Aladin Project Auto InformationsKnowledge of Graffiti Homes Bombolette InformationsKnowledge of Palace Beauty InformationsKnowledge of Save Of Lives Healthy InformationsKnowledge of Healthy Ideas Tips InformationsKnowledge of Diversitech Ideas Technology InformationsKnowledge of Living Safe Tips InformationsKnowledge of Estate Automotive InformationsKnowledge of Future…
  • News Information

    21 Apr 2013 | 10:15 am
    News Information Knowledge of Bulletin Education Real Estate InformationsKnowledge of Health Baby Cares InformationsKnowledge of Safari Madness InformationsKnowledge of News Cine Digital InformationsKnowledge of Bulletin Healthcare And Drug Pharmacy InformationsKnowledge of Bulletin Plan Fashion Collection InformationsKnowledge of Compare Carriers Business InformationsKnowledge of Daily Bulletin Of Health Treatment InformationsKnowledge of Accommodation Tours Travel InformationsKnowledge of Women's Health Newsletters InformationsKnowledge of Cont 55 Sport Automotive InformationsKnowledge of…
  • Information For Your Knowledge

    6 Apr 2013 | 10:25 pm
    Information For Your Knowledge Knowledge of Patterns a Healthy Lifestyle InformationsKnowledge of Guide Stories Tour and Travel InformationsKnowledge of Business Plan InformationsKnowledge of All About Automotive InformationsKnowledge of Real Estate Information InformationsKnowledge of Discover The Business Magazine InformationsKnowledge of Easy Travel To Get Around InformationsKnowledge of Tutorials Healthy Living Online InformationsKnowledge of Motorsports and Automotive InformationsKnowledge of Daily Automotive InformationsKnowledge of Management of Loan Business InformationsKnowledge of…
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    FAMILY PRESERVATION not Adoption Separaration


    Mirah Riben
    22 Oct 2014 | 9:43 am
    TO ALL MY FRIEND,S FANS AND FOLLOWERS....PLEASE FOLLOW ME AT will likely still come here to VENT in ways that would be inappropriate for a more formal and more public venue....But PLEASE do follow my Huff Posts because they are IMPORTANT issues that will benefit greatly from LIKES, SHARES and comments.
  • Private Adoption: White Knights or Flesh Peddlers

    Mirah Riben
    16 Oct 2014 | 7:59 pm
    In the late 1980s Geraldo Rivera had a talk show. It was shortly after the world was rocked by the Joel Steinberg trial for the death of his adopted daughter Lisa. See all four short segments of the show to see Aaaron Britvan and Bill Pierece square off on private adoption. Part I of the four-part video of the program introduces the audience to Rebekah Dulik, a minor who was lured out-of-state and coached no to tell her parents where she was or that she was pregnant and having her child adopted.  Judi Cochran of Children's Right of PA addresses Rebekah's…
  • How I Came to Meet Joan Rivers

    Mirah Riben
    10 Oct 2014 | 10:08 pm
    As the nation mourned of the death of the beloved comic icon, I recalled my meeting with Joan Rivers when I was guest on her short-lived a daytime talk show, in March 1990.But the story of how that came about began in 1987 with a horrific tragedy that garnered headlines of a “house of horrors” and a six year old girl called Lisa, who died after years of abuse. In the dimly lit, filthy Greenwhich Village home of attorney Joel Steinberg and Hedda Nussbaum where Lisa had endured unspeakable abuses, police discovered a toddler boy tethered to a table leg in soiled diapers with a bottle of…
  • The Tangled Web of Entitlement, Resentment and Justification

    Mirah Riben
    27 Sep 2014 | 12:30 pm
    Entitlement is often spoken and written and blogged about in the adoption community. We know it fuels adoptions. we recognize how deeply it motivates through justification.I was watching a re-run of an old crime show on TV. The detective on a murder case commented on how feelings of entitlement  -  I deserve it (whatever "it" is) - especially when combined with feeling it unfair that others have what you feel entitled to, can lead to justifying most anything. The "it" could be a promotion, a husband or wife, wealth, fame... or a…
  • Birth/First Moms: Do you have an adopted child?

    Mirah Riben
    22 Aug 2014 | 1:20 pm
    Moms, when you speak of your interest in adoption are you ever asked these two questions?:Are you an adoptive parent?Are you adopted?It happens to me often because of my activism and because I am an author. When I am asked these questions it is almost always JUST THESE TWO questions. The third, and correct, option that makes adoption of personal interest to me is never considered....or is it that I don't fit the stereotype of a teenager or drug addict or impoverished woman?I usually use it as an education moment. But today I was asked by…
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    [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum

  • Who serves 'Adoptees' Best Interests'?

    29 Oct 2014 | 10:30 am
    Lorraine You couldn't pick them out of a crowd, but adopted people are different. Two traits set them apart: a vague sense of disconnection of dislocation, and difficulty forming a strong sense of self. The lack of a specific heritage, which tells them how and where they fit into the cycle of life, is thought to be the root of the problem. To be missing a past might not seem like much, but that's because the rest of us have always known where we came from. "My Mom has really gotten interested in genealogy in the last few years," one 16-year-old wrote me, "and it's fine for her, but it…
  • Adoption by Gentle Care: FMF's pick for the 2014 Demon in Adoption award

    24 Oct 2014 | 8:28 am
    JaneThis year we are having no trouble selecting Adoption by Gentle care (AGC) an Ohio adoption agency, as our choice for the Demon in Adoption award, given annually by Pound Puppy Legacy. The award is given to an adoption agency, adoption practitioner, advocate, or politician instrumental in promoting adoption at the expense of natural families. PPL started this award eight years ago to "raise more awareness of the dark side of adoption and the negligent and corrupt practices we often encounter."As in past years, PPL's followers have nominated exceptionally deserving candidates,…
  • You can't deny DNA--it shapes who we are today

    20 Oct 2014 | 2:18 pm
    Lorraine"It's easier to embrace a thief than a phantom." That's sentence that stopped me cold today as I read yesterday's New York Times review of a new book, The Invisible History of the Human Race: How DNA and History Shape our Identities and Our Futures.Biology and culture, nature versus nurture. We know both are important, we really do, but with the adoption-is-the-cure-for-so-damn-much culture that we are in today, that sentence: It's easier to embrace a thief than a phantom stopped me cold. Americans like to pretend that DNA and ancestry do not matter; we can make ourselves up new…
  • Cheerios video promotes gay equality but smacks of racism

    16 Oct 2014 | 9:43 am
    JaneThere's a dark side to the Cheerios ad featuring a white gay Canadian couple with a darling little black girl, likely an American child, beyond the loss inherent in adoption. The ad smacks of colonialism, promoting the superiority of white homes as it promotes gay adoption.The nearly three-minute video is of course intended to make us feel positive about Cheerios, manufactured by General Mills. While others have praised the ad for its positive image of gay men, how would the world feel about two gay black men raising a white baby? We seriously doubt it would have the same wide…
  • Cheerios Commercial: Gay dads adopt and sell cereal

    15 Oct 2014 | 10:58 am
    LorraineCringe making: A new feel-good Cherrios on-line commercial for the Canadian audience as two white gay dads talk about how they met, fell in love and decided to be a family by adopting a little black girl during a three-minute video. No doubt that Raphaelle she is being treated well, and that these two dads love her. We are supposed to feel all gooey-gooey about the fact that these two handsome, appealing men with charming French accents have been allowed to adopt. Problem Number One. We are all for gay acceptance, gay rights, gay marriage, but indisputable is the reality that gay…
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    One Thankful Mom | Lisa Qualls

  • Talking with the Teachers

    Lisa Qualls
    30 Oct 2014 | 6:57 am
      Last night began a three-day school conference extravaganza. With six kids at five schools, it requires a flow chart to figure out where and when each conference is being held. Each of the kids has more than one teacher, so there are lots of conversations to be had. I thought I had communicated some of […]
  • Heading Home (and Win Forever Mom)

    Lisa Qualls
    28 Oct 2014 | 6:35 am
    I’m on my way home to Russ and my sweet ones this morning. This time with my extended family has been very dear to me and I’m glad I came. I’m in that funny space of being sad for this to end and totally ready to be home again and jump back into life. Too […]
  • Waking Up in Virginia

    Lisa Qualls
    24 Oct 2014 | 10:53 am
    I woke up this morning in Richmond, Virginia. I won’t complain about the delayed flights (even the one that departed three hours late) because I’ve flown to Africa more than once, and those are looooooong flights and very tiring days. My nephew is getting married tomorrow; he is my sister, Laura’s, oldest son. I assumed […]
  • Sunday Night Popcorn and a Family Show

    Lisa Qualls
    23 Oct 2014 | 6:00 am
    We have a Sunday night tradition we all enjoy. Since we have our big dinner with the entire family in the afternoon, our evening meal is usually popcorn, cheese, and fruit. I like this for about 25 different reasons, one of which is that the kids make it themselves, and there is nearly no clean-up. […]
  • Two Months Home

    Lisa Qualls
    22 Oct 2014 | 6:00 am
    Today marks two months since I made my last trip to Montana and brought Dimples back with me. Since that day Dimples has moved home, transitioned to a new school, played a season of volleyball, joined the youth group, and made new friends. She has reconnected with special people who were part of her support […]
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    Rage Against the Minivan

  • What I want you to know about a psychic connecting me with my son

    31 Oct 2014 | 6:00 am
    What I Want You to Know is a series of reader submissions. It is an attempt to allow people to tell their personal stories, in the hopes of bringing greater compassion to the unique issues each of us face. If you would like to submit a story to this series, click here. Today’s guest post is by Seth Tearz.Almost one year ago my 4-year-old son, Jax, died in a drowning accident. This is my story about my struggle with faith and an unexpected source that helped me believe in a heaven again.When Jax died everything changed. I used to pray every morning in the shower. Almost…
  • #TBT: Pooping for Disney

    30 Oct 2014 | 4:00 pm
    On Thursdays I post a favorite from the archives. This is from August, 2009.The backstory: I have been trying to potty train India for five months now. She has done really well getting the #1 part down. She hasn't had an accident in months and does really well at home and at school. The #2 though . . . not so much. I know that she has control over it, though. She doesn't really have accidents, she just waits until naptime every day when I put her in a diaper. (She is very regular). Every day for weeks now, we go through this routine where I put her in a diaper, leave the room,…
  • Austin talks Invisalign (VIDEO)

    30 Oct 2014 | 2:30 pm
    This post was sponsored by Invisalignclear aligners. My nephew and mom are receiving complimentary Invisalign treatment as they share their Invisalign journeyIt's been almost six months now since I've started documenting my nephew’s journey with Invisalign clear aligners, and he has had some incredible results! For those of you who are not familiar with Invisalign Teen, it’s a series of nearly invisible, removable aligners that are used to gradually (and discreetly) straighten teeth. My nephew is a theater student who really wanted to have his teeth straightened, but he wanted to avoid…
  • Wednesday's Child: Meet Jaime

    29 Oct 2014 | 12:00 pm
    Every Wednesday I feature a child recently highlighted by a local Wednesday's Child newscast to share the stories of children from around the country who are waiting for a family. My hope is that this can broaden exposure for the children highlighted, but also serve as a reminder that these children represent thousands of children currently in the foster-care system. Perhaps their stories will inspire you to consider opening your home to a child needing a family. For more information and to learn about other waiting children, visit AdoptUsKids
  • What I want you to know about how wonderful it is to have a child with down syndrome

    29 Oct 2014 | 6:00 am
    What I Want You to Know is a series of reader submissions. It is an attempt to allow people to tell their personal stories, in the hopes of bringing greater compassion to the unique issues each of us face. If you would like to submit a story to this series, click here.  Today’s guest post is by NoraYesterday my son Kelly came with a special gift for me. He had carefully picked me a lovely bouquet…of dandelions.I have a bunch of kids, so this was not my first bouquet of dandelions, but it was my first bunch from Kelly.  As I was putting the vase on my windowsill,…
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    Julie Gumm - Author

  • Lashes for Landon – Adoption Fundraiser

    Julie Gumm
    21 Oct 2014 | 6:27 am
    Remember my post a few weeks ago about the 3D Fiber Lashes and the party I was hosting. Well in a hilarious (to me) turn of events, I am now selling the stuff. Yes, I loved it THAT much! One of the fun things about being a Younique consultant is that I can now do adoption fundraisers for people. Like for this little guy, Landon….   Here’s a bit from his mom, Cheryl… After my husband died 2 1/2 years ago, I had no idea where my life was going. I had two young children to raise alone, and half way through the process of an international adoption of a little special needs…
  • Breakfast With Santa Adoption Fundraiser

    Julie Gumm
    23 Sep 2014 | 11:00 pm
    Seem a little early to be thinking about Christmas? It’s not, I promise! The holidays offer some great adoption fundraiser ideas and I especially love this one from the Teply family. They added Santa to their pancake breakfast fundraiser! A pancake breakfast fundraiser is a great idea in itself. Families have made several thousand dollars with this idea (like the Burden family). But give a mom a chance to get her kids pictures with Santa WITHOUT going to the mall and you have hit the jackpot!! No mom wants to stand in line for an hour (or more) for the over-priced photo in which their…
  • My beauty product splurge – 3D Fiber Lashes

    Julie Gumm
    15 Sep 2014 | 6:57 am
    I don’t review a lot of products on this blog, and I certainly don’t review beauty products regularly, but today that’s what you’re getting. So if you’re one of my male readers feel free to move on to the next blog post of the day now A few weeks before we moved my friend Jen was over for a late night editing session and she asked me if I had ever heard of 3D Mascara. She proceeded to fill me in on this weird sounding stuff where you put green tea fibers on your eyelashes. Say what? Anyways, fast forward a couple months and someone invited me to an online party…
  • The Whole World Wants a Job

    Julie Gumm
    2 Sep 2014 | 6:13 am
    Gallup has just published early findings from their “World Poll.”  They are literally conducting a ten-year poll of what the entire world is thinking (160 countries). Here’s a snippet from their main discovery: “What the whole world wants is a good job. That is one of the single biggest discoveries Gallup has ever made. It is as simple and as straightforward an explanation of the data as we can give. If you and I were walking down the street in Khartoum, Tehran, Berlin, Lima, Los Angeles, Baghdad, Kolkata, or Istanbul, we would discover that on most days the single…
  • What’s new in the new version of “Adopt Without Debt”

    Julie Gumm
    8 Aug 2014 | 6:50 am
    Now that the new book is listed on several retail book sites (see links below) I’ve had a few people ask me what the difference is between the two books. So here’s the low down… The first book was self-published in May 2011 and was approximately 25,000 words (152 pages) The first book is out of print and only available from used book sellers who are charging an exorbitant amount of money. Please don’t go into debt to buy the book The first book told our story and focused only on how to pay for adoption. The new book is being released by a “real” publisher…
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    Lost Daughters

  • What the Fog Took: A Halloween Story

    Soojung Jo
    30 Oct 2014 | 5:00 am
    I was nervous as I rehearsed the conversation in my mind.  There were so many ways to say it, and most of them felt wrong – overly sensitive, accusing, weak.  I knew I had to approach one of my dearest friends with caution, because matters of race always seem to get volatile. I checked the photo again, just to be sure of my position.  One of my closest friends (we’ll call her April) had posted pictures from a Halloween party.  In them, April’s husband (we’ll call him Mark) wore my husband’s old Army uniform, with my married name embroidered above the left…
  • Are Adoptive Parents Modeling Enough Adoption Language for Their Children?

    Lynn Steinberg
    29 Oct 2014 | 6:16 am
    This post is about the lack of modeling from adoptive parents when it comes to answering questions about their child's adoption story with friends, family and even complete strangers. As an adoptee, this is extremely unsettling to me. This is the exact same approach my parents took over thirty years ago when I was a child. Thirty years ago it was a lack of information and fear that led to the absence of modeling and today it seems to be the belief is that sharing any aspect of the child's history is invading their privacy. I have heard over and over again in adoption circles that the adoption…
  • The Narrative Demands of Guests in Adoptee-Centric Spaces

    25 Oct 2014 | 3:12 pm
    Recently, Adoption Today inquired on their Facebook page, "This question is for adoptees only: What do you wish your adoptive parents would have learned about adoption before they adopted you?" Unsurprisingly, at least to me, fewer than 20 adoptees responded within a space that has nearly 4,000 possible participants. The question itself is seemingly benign--that is unless we consider it problematic that mainstream media typically only asks such questions to support parents or professionals, not to support adoptees. But, don't look at the question; look at what's around it.On the same page,…
  • Why Adoptive Parents need to stop blogging about adoptees

    Trace L Hentz
    24 Oct 2014 | 3:00 am
    My adoptive mom Edie didn't blog about me. They didn't do blogs back then.OK, it’s a free world wide web. No one can control who blogs. But if you are an adoptive parent (abbreviated: APs), you may have missed the memo: Don’t post photos and stories about your adopting a child and raising your child since your adopted child has a legal right to privacy.WHAT? I’m sure some of you reading this blog will say that’s ridiculous but according to a panel at MIT, at the International Adoption Conference I attended in 2010, it could cause APs (moral and legal) issues down the road. One panel I…
  • Lost Daughters Presenting at American Adoption Congress Conference

    Karen Pickell
    23 Oct 2014 | 6:42 am
    We are excited to announce that a number of our contributors here at Lost Daughters will be conducting a panel discussion workshop at next year's American Adoption Congress conference. In the spirit of our popular roundtable posts, we will discuss "Diverse Narratives within the Collective Adoptee Voice," including the perspectives of many different adoption experiences.The conference will be held in Cambridge, Massachusetts, from March 25-29. Stay tuned over the next few months for more details, including our specific workshop date and time as well as the line up of Lost Daughters…
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    Together for Adoption

  • Audio from T4A Conference 2014

    Dan Cruver
    28 Oct 2014 | 8:29 am
    Here is the first batch of free audio from our October 17-18 Together for Adoption Conference 2014.Our primary objective for this year’s conference was to maximize our time together by providing important conversations with people who are key leaders, thinkers, and practitioners in the global orphan care and adoption movement. We worked hard to facilitate extended conversations that matter—conversations that uniquely addressed the complex spectrum of care needed for orphans globally. Every main session talk was followed by a 20-25 minute onstage conversation in which leaders within…
  • Adoption Nuggets (24): Dipping Into Metaphorical Theology (6)

    Tim J R Trumper
    22 Oct 2014 | 7:55 am
    Fundamental Question #2: Is Paul’s Language of Adoption to Be Taken Literally or Metaphorically? (Continued)Conservative theologians are united in their belief that God’s adoptive grace in Christ is a reality ~ indeed, a wonderful reality!Some think or assume Paul’s references to adoption are literal, which is to say that God has actually adopted his people. Others understand the references to be metaphorical, meaning that God has not actually adopted us. Rather, by speaking of our divine acceptance in terms of adoption we have been equipped to articulate our acceptance in a…
  • Get a handle on the crisis: join us October 17-18 in Greenville, SC

    Dan Cruver
    8 Oct 2014 | 6:41 am
    *John Sowers’ personal invitation to join him October 17-18 in Greenville, SC.This year’s Together for Adoption conference will give you a handle on the global orphan crisis and the primary issues with which we should be concerned. Never before have we had this many experts join us for a conference (see here, here, and here). If you’ve wanted to get a handle on the issues, this is your opportunity. We hope you’ll join us.T4A Speaker Quotations We hope you can join us!
  • Less than 2 weeks to T4A Conference 2014!

    Dan Cruver
    7 Oct 2014 | 11:54 am
    Together for Adoption National Conference 2014 is less than 2 weeks away! We are excited to welcome everyone to the beautiful Upstate of South Carolina to explore and consider this year’s theme: Urgency & Complexity: Biblical & Ethical Approaches to the Orphan Crisis. What’s special about this year’s conference? Take a look:Free Childcare. Sign your children up ASAP. Most of the spots are filled.30-Minute Speakers.10-Minute Speakers.Online Registration.Workshops.Conference Partners.Hotels.Travel | Directions.Ready-Made Tweets.Learn more about this year’s…
  • New Trailer: “You can fundamentally change the world of orphan care”

    Jacob Forrest
    23 Sep 2014 | 3:58 pm
    Learn more about this year’s national conference.
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    Cheese Curds and Kimchi-Our international adoption story

  • Big Brother is 4!

    11 Oct 2014 | 3:19 pm
    (Finally getting around to posting this....Little Man turned 4 in July!)Dear Little Man, The kids were all gathered around party table as I put the candles into the chocolate cupcake topped with purple frosting.One.Two.Three.As I prepared to light the candles, The Man says, "you ARE going to put one more on, right". Ack! I still couldn't get it into my brain. You are 4 now!Four years old!생일 축하합니다!  We filled the hallway with balloons again this year, so you would wake up and know it was your special day. We were going to put them in your bedroom this year instead of the…
  • Things change

    30 Sep 2014 | 2:07 pm
    Hey there. Remember me?I'm the dimwit who wrote a season-ending giant cliffhanger a few months ago, saying things were going to change.And then I never returned. So let me catch you up.First there was this:And this:And then all of this.See? BIG!!The Cheesecurds are no longer in the Land of Cheese! We are now, hell, I have no idea what they call folks here. Doesn't matter though...we are still Cheesecurds. We just live in the City of Roses now. Portland, to be exact.You might be saying "holy hell, I can't believe they picked up and moved!" and that's my thoughts exactly as I drive around our…
  • Nanny in the house

    25 Jul 2014 | 12:25 pm
    I never really saw us as nanny people. That very word seems so pretentious and conjures up images of an uptight, elderly fussbucket who caters to rich families and spoiled children.However, I'm changing my tune.After four months off of work, it was time for me to go back to the real world. But Little Brother was clingy and still a little scared. We were concerned (OK, mostly I was concerned but The Man went along with it) that it would be too much for Little Brother to go to the preschool that Little Man attends. Although there are two regular classroom teachers, many other teachers rotate…
  • Three years a family!

    8 Jul 2014 | 8:20 am
    Starting our life together. 5/10/2011(This is a catch-up post. Our family day with Little Man was May 10. I'm only a few months late which is pretty good for me lately!)*****Family. Before Little Man came that word only referred to The Man, myself, Gus the wonder dog and our kitties.But now it's much more. Three years ago our definition of family was revolutionized when a quiet boy was placed in my arms, sitting stiffly in my lap during our taxi ride away from the adoption agency.I think back to that baby---that stranger who I called my child. I remember how he behaved then, small indicators…
  • Catching up

    5 Jul 2014 | 8:20 am
    Wow.I have no idea where these past months have gone. Wait...yes I do. They've been spent changing diapers, fostering a sibling relationship, trying to carve out some time for me, finding a nanny, returning to work, struggling to stay ahead of the never-ending laundry. You get the drift.So, here we are, nearly four months post-placement and we are surviving! Sometimes I even think we are thriving! The boys get along (mostly). We are getting onto a solid schedule (usually). We took another trip back to Washington state to visit family. This time Little Brother did much better with the flights!
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  • Adoptee Rights Coalition: #OBC ACCESS #ADOPTION

    29 Oct 2014 | 6:41 am
    SOURCE: Adoptee Rights Coalition:  Thank you for visiting this site to learn more about the issue of sealed original birth certificates (OBC) in the United States. Please view or download our Comprehensive Lobby Packet for Adoptee Rights Legislation here.Every person who is born in the United States receives a birth certificate that recorded the historical event of their birth.  Birth certificates have become increasingly used in to verify identity in our country.  When a child is adopted, which could be months or years after their birth, their original…
  • Tiospaye Event in LA in November

    25 Oct 2014 | 8:43 am
    "Gathering to Honor and Build Tiospaye (Extended Family/Foster Parents) Griffith Park Visitor Center RSVP 626-938-1722 Thank you to the Navajo Times for advertising our event....please LIKE, SHARE and READ, their page! Also, subscribe!  READ MORE>>>
  • Child Trafficking: Pound Pup Legacy

    22 Oct 2014 | 2:55 am
    Child Trafficking = Big BusinessPeople need to recognize what's being done to parents and children is criminal.  Poor people are offered money to relinquish their child, others are promised an education for their children and their eventual return, only later to find out adoption is a permanent measure. Some children are even kidnapped, and stolen and taken to an orphanage, where there are forced to live in ghastly conditions.This website section contains discussions and articles about child trafficking in the context of international adoption.  In addition, a collection of…
  • New Scholarship on Removals of Indian Children from their Homes #BabyVeronica #Colonization

    21 Oct 2014 | 7:03 am
    Archive Photo Posted on October 21, 2014 by Matthew L.M. Fletcher | Turtle Talk  Alyosha Goldstein has posted “Possessive Investment: Indian Removals and the Affective Entitlements of Whiteness,” published in the American Quarterly, on SSRN. Here is the abstract: In 2013 the US Supreme Court effectively granted custody of an almost four-year-old child to adoptive white parents over the opposition of her Cherokee birth father and the Cherokee Nation in Adoptive Couple v. Baby Girl (the “Baby Veronica” case). This essay examines the Court ruling, and the protracted custody and…
  • Victims of Adoption and Lies (in six parts)

    20 Oct 2014 | 2:55 am
    For new readers of this blog, you may have missed this series of articles I wrote in 2012 about adoption and lies. Here are the links: PART FIVE: Victims of Adoption and Lies - American Indian Sep 22, 2012PART FIVE: Victims of Adoption and Lies. Part 5 FORGIVENESS. By Trace A. DeMeyer. I woke up with two thoughts: there are two victims of adoption who need help and not necessarily from each other: the adoptee and the ... One: Victims of Adoption and Lies - American Indian Aug 25, 2012My friend's mother was a victim of lies and so was her Ojibwe…
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    Infant Adoption Guide

  • 5 Tips For Making Your Adoption Portfolio/Profile Unique

    Tim Elder
    30 Oct 2014 | 8:53 pm
    The following article is from Madeleine Melcher – author, adoptive mom and adoptee. She also has been creating adoption profiles for hopeful parents for many years so she has a very unique perspective in the adoption world. She was our guest on episode 19 of the Infant Adoption Guide podcast. After my wife and I […]
  • Adopting a 3rd time – our latest adoption journey

    Tim Elder
    25 Oct 2014 | 6:11 am
    If you’ve followed my story about how I became a dad and how my wife and I adopted our daughter in 2007 and our son in 2012, you know the road to building our family has been an amazing and wild ride. Our experiences have inspired me to help other hopeful adoptive families through and […]
  • IAG 027 – Dr Ray Guarendi – author, speaker and adoptive dad of 10

    Tim Elder
    2 Oct 2014 | 8:43 pm
    On this episode of the show I chat with Dr Ray Guarendi, a father to 10 adopted children who is also a clinical psychologist, author, speaker and radio/TV host. Dr. Ray has been a regular guest on TV and radio programs such as Oprah, The 700 Club and CBS This Morning. Through all of his […]
  • Ask An Adoption Question #6: I want to adopt – where do I start?

    Tim Elder
    27 Sep 2014 | 7:40 am
    In today’s “Ask An Adoption Question”, Allison asks about how to get started on the adoption process.   Tim, Thank you so much for your wonderful site! I’m just starting the adoption process. I’m truly at a loss of where to go to find assistance with the process. I don’t know if I should use […]
  • IAG 026 – Adoption Grants with Becky Fawcett of

    Tim Elder
    19 Sep 2014 | 1:59 pm
    Most of us who are working to save money for our domestic infant adoption could use help with covering the cost. What if you could get FREE money for your adoption journey? Our guest on the show today is Becky Fawcett, an adoptive mom, blogger, and the Founder/Executive Director of, which is a national non-profit […]
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    All In The Family Of Adoption

  • Finding Christopher, Finding Myself: Heartbreaking - Another Open Adoption Closed...

    Kellie C
    30 Oct 2014 | 5:09 pm
    Finding Christopher, Finding Myself: Heartbreaking - Another Open Adoption Closed...: Today in one of my online support groups there was yet another post from a mother of adoption loss who was promised an open adoption ~ which...
  • I Err Therefore I Am

    Kellie C
    1 Oct 2014 | 6:00 am
    It's amazing the lengths we will go to so we don't have to admit being wrong. This blog is about me admitting how wrong I was. We are wrong all the time, and sometimes those mistakes cost more than others. Don't let a "feeling" of being right give you a false sense of security. Watch the TED Talk. She says it very well.
  • Adoption Truth: A Day For Change

    Kellie C
    23 Sep 2014 | 5:36 pm
    Adoption Truth: A Day For Change  Cassi has written a wonderful tribute to all of the parents and grandparents fighting for their children.
  • Paradigm Shift: Carrie and Camden: Surmountable separation

    Kellie C
    16 Sep 2014 | 8:08 pm
    I was going to write something for Carri, but I could not say it any better than Margie.  Please go and read and consider giving just a few dollars to help Carri fight to get her son back. Paradigm Shift: Carrie and Camden: Surmountable separation: Carrie Stearns is a struggling mother, like many of us are for one reason or another. Raising five children, the birth of her son Camde...
  • Would You Be Pro-Adoption?

    Kellie C
    7 Sep 2014 | 5:30 pm
    Not too long ago Robin, our resident adoptee writer, asked me the following question: "If Olivia's adoption hadn't closed, do you think you would be pro-adoption?”I answered with the following, and she suggested I share it in a blog post: "I’ve asked myself this very question many times, and I don’t believe I would have been pro-adoption even if Charlie wouldn’t have objected in the end.  If she would have said the night before or the day she signed the papers, “Mom, I’m fine.  This is the right decision.” I still think there would be issues with us…
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    Orphan to Adoption

  • Adopted Twins Reunited: Video

    Mrs. O
    30 Oct 2014 | 9:44 am
    What an incredible story about twin girls, continents away finding each other.
  • Watch Out: Here Come the Adoption Experts

    Mrs. O
    27 Oct 2014 | 2:40 pm
    I received a rude email today from an alleged adoption “expert”. I have never purported to be an adoption expert, just a girl who grew up with an adopted parent and who now parents an adopted child. While going through the adoption process and throughout the early days home, I scoured blogs and read books by real “experts” for thoughts, ideas and real world experience on helping my little one adjust. The books I read were invaluable with general tips and advice for promoting attachment, engaging eye contact, building trust, etc. Yet, it was the blogs from the lay…
  • Why Some People Hate Adoption

    Mrs. O
    25 Oct 2014 | 5:01 am
    My recent post about Oscar de la Renta’s adopted child sparked some interesting feedback on another site. Some readers were critical of a quote of his from a 1985 interview with People where when asked about whether his plans to bring this 15 month old orphan home would come to fruition, he stated of his to-be son “He’s mine, and he’s never going to be anyone else’s but mine.” I was touched by the quote, but I realize what seems to offend others with this kind of statement is the idea that children are “owned” by adoptive parents and no longer…
  • Leaving a Legacy: Oscar de la Renta’s Adoption Story

    Mrs. O
    23 Oct 2014 | 5:15 am
    I was saddened by the news of Oscar de la Renta’s passing this week. I am a lover of fashion and already appreciated the beauty and glamour De la Renta brought to the world. And yet as I read bits and pieces of his legacy this week, I learned something new. Not only was the designer a Dominican-born American icon in the French fashion world, he was a man of substance and character. Almost in passing, I heard on the Nightly News that De la Renta had adopted. My interest was piqued and I started scouring articles to find out more. He had founded an orphanage in the Dominican Republic. No…
  • Fostering Attachment in An Adopted Child: Video

    Mrs. O
    21 Oct 2014 | 11:08 am
    We already loved our adoption agency, Holt International, the first time around. However, as we are speeding forward on our second adoption, I appreciate Holt even more. Bracing myself for the salesman or needy friend at the door when the doorbell rang at 9 a.m., I was happily surprised to find a package from Holt. Inside were 5 DVDs from TCU’s Institute of Child Development as well as a spiral bound packet with information for parents on handling a variety of issues that come up during the adoption process and once home. I watched a bit of one video and had to find a way to share. It…
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