• Most Topular Stories

  • Adoption: No, NOT Much has Changed in 40 Years

    Musings of the Lame- Exposing Adoption Truth
    Claudia Corrigan DArcy
    30 Jul 2014 | 10:43 am
    Lee Campbell might as well be the prophet of doom as she speaks about how the pro-adoption stance is growing and how the demand for adoption has begun to increase the stories of forced adoption, unethical practices, and unnecessary separation of families. She calls it.. right on the nose.. THIRTY YEARS AGO. read more... → Come on by to Musings of the Lame to read the rest of this post. Come on, you know you want to!
  • Speaking truth to your adopted child

    Building Family Counseling
    Dawn Friedman
    22 Jul 2014 | 8:40 am
    (This is an edited repost from my defunct personal blog, which is why it references other posts from four years ago and Lost, for goodness sakes, like the olden days or something.) Malinda posted about this parenting advice from Brian Stuy: We have never brought up, unprompted, our daughters’ birth parents. We have discussed adoption, conception and pregnancy, and other corollary issues from time to time, but I have never, without having the subject introduced by a daughter, initiated a conversation by saying, “Do you wish you knew your birth mother?” Or, “Do you want to know more…
  • DOS Alert: Democratic Republic of the Congo (DRC) Announces End to Exit Permit Exceptions Until New Law is Promulgated

    Parents for Ethical Adoption Reform (PEAR)
    11 Jul 2014 | 2:13 pm
    On July 10, Ambassador James Swan met with Director General Beya of the Congolese General Direction of Migration (DGM) to seek clarification on the DGM’s decision to no longer issue exit permits to any adopted Congolese children until a new adoption law is promulgated. DGM Beya stated that his office will not accept any cases for consideration in the interim, even those involving children with medical conditions or those cases that met the DGM’s October 2013 exception criteria.During the meeting, the DGM stressed that it considers no intercountry adoptions from the DRC to be…
  • The Weight of Weight: Women and Body Image

    Lavender Luz
    Lori Lavender Luz
    18 Jul 2014 | 11:31 am
    Humorist Shannon Bradley Colleary is the total package — brainy, beautiful, bold and bodacious. She has a fantastic sense of humor and a healthy body image (wait ’til you see just how healthy). She treads regularly where Not-So-Feisty Lori only dreams of treading. Shannon and I share a few things in common, though. We are […] The post The Weight of Weight: Women and Body Image appeared first on Lavender Luz.
  • Cheaper Than Therapy Thursday

    Therapy Is Expensive
    Kat Nielsen, MSW
    31 Jul 2014 | 10:14 am
    Even with decent medical insurance therapy is expensive. Plus even the best therapist apparently won’t relocate 3000 miles to stay with you forever *ahem*. So sometimes you just have to find ways to cope between sessions. While not the most healthy one of my favorite way to cope is to distract myself aka zone out from life. Sometimes I do this by streaming reruns of my favorite series (I’m lookin’ at you The West Wing). When you don’t have the brain space to learn new people’s names or remember details of plot arcs there’s something comforting about…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Musings of the Lame- Exposing Adoption Truth

  • Adoption: No, NOT Much has Changed in 40 Years

    Claudia Corrigan DArcy
    30 Jul 2014 | 10:43 am
    Lee Campbell might as well be the prophet of doom as she speaks about how the pro-adoption stance is growing and how the demand for adoption has begun to increase the stories of forced adoption, unethical practices, and unnecessary separation of families. She calls it.. right on the nose.. THIRTY YEARS AGO. read more... → Come on by to Musings of the Lame to read the rest of this post. Come on, you know you want to!
  • Sally and Sherri Shepherd Surrogacy Shenanigans

    Claudia Corrigan DArcy
    19 Jul 2014 | 7:37 am
    So Sherri Shepherd? It's NOT going to be her genetic child. She has NO biological connection to this child because it was NOT her eggs. She won't give birth to this child as the gestational surrogate is carrying it for her. She cannot relinquish because she really has NO hold on this baby anyway. read more... → Come on by to Musings of the Lame to read the rest of this post. Come on, you know you want to!
  • The Highs and Lows of The Birthmother Chapter

    Claudia Corrigan DArcy
    17 Jul 2014 | 1:36 pm
    Whats More Evil? The word "Birthmother" or the fights caused over it? So, while I hate, hate, hate, the adoption terminology wars and refuse to participate in them, I'm going to break my rules because I also hate, hate, hate assumptions and all the rest too. And since I was literally forced to deal with this today, rather than just enjoying the printed thrills of having my book come in the mail, I'm going to go there. read more... → Come on by to Musings of the Lame to read the rest of this post. Come on, you know you want to!
  • Top Ten Levels of Adoptoraptor

    Claudia Corrigan DArcy
    1 Jul 2014 | 7:01 am
    Not ALL Adoptive Parents Are Adoptoraptors. Now is this an insulting term? Most definitely. It is actually supposed to be an insult. One really does not want to aspire to sink to the depths of a true "adoptoraptor". If you happen to find that fit into the actual description of the term, then you should probably go sit in a corner and rethink your life. read more... → Come on by to Musings of the Lame to read the rest of this post. Come on, you know you want to!
  • Adoption by Gentle Care; Digging an Even Deeper Hole

    Claudia Corrigan DArcy
    30 Jun 2014 | 1:15 pm
    Adoption by Gentle Care is back talking on Facebook. How are they controlling the message and maybe not look like a really unethical and non caring adoption agency? It seems like the course in online reputation management that they took advised AGC to some highly "black hat" ( that's "unethical" in SEO terms) techniques. I thought it might be fun to take some time out and look into what we can SEE Adoption by Gentle Care doing right now on the public forums. read more... → Come on by to Musings of the Lame to read the rest of this post. Come on, you know you want to!
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Parents for Ethical Adoption Reform (PEAR)

  • DOS Alert: Democratic Republic of the Congo (DRC) Announces End to Exit Permit Exceptions Until New Law is Promulgated

    11 Jul 2014 | 2:13 pm
    On July 10, Ambassador James Swan met with Director General Beya of the Congolese General Direction of Migration (DGM) to seek clarification on the DGM’s decision to no longer issue exit permits to any adopted Congolese children until a new adoption law is promulgated. DGM Beya stated that his office will not accept any cases for consideration in the interim, even those involving children with medical conditions or those cases that met the DGM’s October 2013 exception criteria.During the meeting, the DGM stressed that it considers no intercountry adoptions from the DRC to be…
  • DOS Alert: Haiti announces re-registration period for Adoption Service Providers

    10 Jul 2014 | 8:27 am
    The Institut du Bien-Etre Social et de Recherche (IBESR), Haiti’s central adoption authority, recently announced updated information related to its Hague Adoption Convention intercountry adoption procedures. The announcement is available, in French, on IBESR’s website. Among other clarifications, IBESR announced that the registration period for re-authorization of international adoption service providers will be from July 14, 2014 until August 14, 2014. The list of supporting documents required is available on IBESR’s website in French. For more information on…
  • Riverkids Project - The beautiful lies that broke my heart

    24 Jun 2014 | 2:27 pm
    I read Somaly Mam’s book cover to cover in a bookstore, holding myself utterly still so I wouldn’t start crying, drowning in the images of violence and suffering she wrote about.It was that cover picture, a Cambodian woman who had been through hell and survived. That gave me hope when I was the desperately confused new mother to children from Cambodia who had been bought and sold by traffickers, hurt in ways that I could barely comprehend, and deep in grief over all they had lost before coming to these new strangers in Singapore.We watched and read Alice Walker’s The Colour Purple, and…
  • DOS Alert: Benin Announces Temporary Suspension of Intercountry Adoption Applications

    19 Jun 2014 | 8:18 am
    Benin informed the State Department that, as of May 22, it has temporarily suspended acceptance of new applications for intercountry adoptions as the Benin government prepares to implement the Hague Convention on the Protection of Children and Cooperation in Respect of Intercountry Adoption (Convention). The suspension applies to both plenary and simple adoptions of Beninese children.  The U.S. Embassy is in communication with the Benin government concerning transition cases; the government will decide how to proceed on a case-by-case basis.On February 26, 2014, the National Assembly…
  • DoS: Invitation to follow-up Conference Call regarding the Exit Permit Suspension in the Democratic Republic of the Congo (DRC)

    4 Jun 2014 | 11:34 am
    The Department of State invites adoptive families and prospective adoptive families to participate in a conference call Tuesday, June 11 from 10am-11:30am EST to address families’ concerns regarding the DRC exit permit suspension.  The call is being held in response to families’ requests for additional time following our May 16 call.  We will also address what we have learned to date regarding the latest developments reported in our May 27 adoption notice.  There will be brief remarks regarding developments followed by a question and answer period.If you…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Lavender Luz

  • The Weight of Weight: Women and Body Image

    Lori Lavender Luz
    18 Jul 2014 | 11:31 am
    Humorist Shannon Bradley Colleary is the total package — brainy, beautiful, bold and bodacious. She has a fantastic sense of humor and a healthy body image (wait ’til you see just how healthy). She treads regularly where Not-So-Feisty Lori only dreams of treading. Shannon and I share a few things in common, though. We are […] The post The Weight of Weight: Women and Body Image appeared first on Lavender Luz.
  • Sign Up for this Book Tour: Apart at the Seams by Melissa Ford

    Lori Lavender Luz
    1 Jul 2014 | 6:00 pm
    She had Mr. Right all sewn up . . . until Mr. Wonderful came along. That’s the teaser line for Melissa Ford’s latest novel, Apart at the Seams. Though it’s the third in a series, Melissa calls it a “sideways sequel.” Which means that if you’ve read Life from Scratch and/or Measure of Love, you’ll […] The post Sign Up for this Book Tour: Apart at the Seams by Melissa Ford appeared first on Lavender Luz.
  • How to Set Boundaries in Open Adoption

    Lori Lavender Luz
    26 Jun 2014 | 11:34 am
    Want to know more about how to set healthy boundaries in an open adoption? Haven’t read my book yet but are curious about it? Check out this book excerpt in Carrie Goldman’s Portrait of an Adoption Column on Chicago Now. Here’s an excerpt of the excerpt Carrie is sharing on Portrait of an Adoption’s Facebook […] The post How to Set Boundaries in Open Adoption appeared first on Lavender Luz.
  • Evil Grass

    Lori Lavender Luz
    20 Jun 2014 | 5:00 pm
    No, this isn’t another marijuana post. Do you know what a grass awn is? Grass awn is another name for The Devil. Grass awns are Satans of the savannah, Lucifers of the llano and Mephistopheles of the meadow. Closer to home, they are Beelzebubs of my backyard. They may look benign, but they are EVIL. […] The post Evil Grass appeared first on Lavender Luz.
  • Do You Really Want that Post to go Viral?

    Lori Lavender Luz
    10 Jun 2014 | 5:59 am
    Fame and fortune can be yours! People will stop you on the street for your autograph! Store clerks will covertly point at you, asking each other, “Is that really her, the brilliant mind behind that brilliant blog?” Your bank account will grow as more and more people hang on every word you write! You’ll soon […] The post Do You Really Want that Post to go Viral? appeared first on Lavender Luz.
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Therapy Is Expensive

  • Cheaper Than Therapy Thursday

    Kat Nielsen, MSW
    31 Jul 2014 | 10:14 am
    Even with decent medical insurance therapy is expensive. Plus even the best therapist apparently won’t relocate 3000 miles to stay with you forever *ahem*. So sometimes you just have to find ways to cope between sessions. While not the most healthy one of my favorite way to cope is to distract myself aka zone out from life. Sometimes I do this by streaming reruns of my favorite series (I’m lookin’ at you The West Wing). When you don’t have the brain space to learn new people’s names or remember details of plot arcs there’s something comforting about…
  • Everyone Held Their Breath

    Kat Nielsen, MSW
    13 Jul 2014 | 6:24 pm
    It comes as no surprise that I’m usually the only birth/first/original/natural/relinquishing* mom in many places I frequent online and in person. Often it doesn’t matter, but sometimes it makes things…interesting. For instance when the child I’m babysitting sees a picture of my son and asks questions. And there I am trying to explain…but oh did I mention this child is deaf? And my ASL is pathetic and doesn’t cover “no he doesn’t live with me. I’m a birth mom” so I finger spell and pantomime and enunciate to facilitate lip reading and…
  • The Evolution of a Diagnosis

    Kat Nielsen, MSW
    5 Jul 2014 | 8:55 pm
    For various reasons I’ve been sorting through old medical records recently. As I’ve done so I’ve noted how my mental health diagnoses have evolved. Coming from a family doesn’t really believe in mental illness or therapy I”ve only been seeking treatment for approximately 8 years.  Having some issues that make it hard to find a good therapist I’ve only stuck with a clinician long enough to have a diagnosis for the last 4 years. In 2010 my first diagnosis, or rather my first set of diagnoses were: Generalized anxiety disorder Agoraphobia with panic disorder…
  • Starting Over

    Kat Nielsen, MSW
    10 Jun 2014 | 12:59 pm
    I just unpublished every post on this blog all the way back to it’s inception in 2007. My summer break will in part be used to sort through, edit, and republish some of those posts. Others will never return. My goal is to reassess what is mine to share and what belongs to others. I’m a mother who relinquished a child at birth. It’s important to share my story, birth parent voices have been silenced for so long. I got lucky and have a wonderful successful open adoption which makes me a perfect advocate for reform. It’s harder to dismiss me as “bitter”…
  • Open Adoption RoundTable #39: Father’s Day Letters

    Kat Nielsen, MSW
    13 Jun 2012 | 2:37 pm
    I’m grateful for this Open Adoption RoundTable prompt because it serves as a reminder that i need to figure out what I’ve getting my own father before Sunday.  I’m also grateful for this prompt because too often father’s are left out of the adoption conversation. First fathers especially, but to an extent adoptive fathers too. In honor of Father’s Day we’re supposed to Write to someone else in the adoption constellation (someone specific or a general group). What do you want to say to them on Father’s Day? So here it goes… Dear [TheEx], Happy…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    O Momma Writes

  • Electricity tips and tricks: It’s the little things that count

    Ashley Roberts
    23 Jul 2014 | 1:02 am
    There’s no denying that electricity is expensive and that energy conservation is critical for the environmental sustainability. If you are after ways to improve the consumption of energy in your home or workplace (and want to enjoy cost savings at the same time), there are many great tips and tricks that can be applied. In fact, a range of good quality, credible websites now provide more information about the very best ways to use energy in a mindful and environmentally-conscious manner. So, where and how in the home can you make better use of electricity? The living room: In your living…
  • How To Spot Potential Structural Problems With Your Home Early

    Ashley Roberts
    22 Jul 2014 | 7:45 pm
    Rina Pitucci It is often the case that we sink everything into our homes. We spend a fortune on decoration and furnishings. Projects such as a new kitchen and bathroom often leave us in debt for a few years. It is in our nature to improve our surroundings and provide ourselves with a comfortable haven. Because we spend so much time and effort on improvements, it is important that we do not forget about the structure of the house. When was the last time you went outside and performed a thorough inspection of your property? You should do it every year if you are to identify and address and…
  • Mental Health – Know the Facts

    Ashley Roberts
    16 Jul 2014 | 12:44 am
    Mental Health – Know the Facts We British have long been known for our ‘stiff upper lips’ and our ability to ‘just get on with it’, even during the most challenging of times. Whilst this quality is admirable to a point, there is a downside. We tend to ignore early warning signs of mental health issues in the hope they’ll just go away. We think that by asking for help we’re being ‘weak’, and we tell ourselves to ‘pull ourselves together’. Unfortunately, the reality of mental health problems is that unless they are dealt with head-on, they’re unlikely to go away by…
  • Lifesaving Tips That Could Limit Your Risk of Diabetes

    Ashley Roberts
    14 Jul 2014 | 6:32 pm
    Diabetes is a serious problem that you want to avoid. There are some steps that you can take right now in order to limit the risk of you getting diabetes. By doing what you can, you may just be able stop diabetes directly affecting you and damaging your health in the future. Get More Exercise Source If you do not do that much exercise at the moment, you will need to change that. Exercise can be one of the best things that you do, in order to limit your risk of diabetes. If you have joints which ache, you may want to take up swimming. If you are fine to use the gym, you could benefit by using…
  • Edinburgh Attractions You Shouldn’t Miss!

    Ashley Roberts
    13 Jul 2014 | 3:07 pm
    If you’ve ever wanted to visit Scotland, then I highly recommend that you make Edinburgh your first port of call. There are so many different things you can do there, but all will give you a wonderful sense of adventure that you’d struggle to find anywhere else! Read on for the attractions you shouldn’t miss: Swim at Glencorse in the Pentland Hills Glencorse in the Pentland Hills is absolutely beautiful; the perfect place for a spot of outdoor swimming! Doesn’t swimming in the beautiful, open outdoors sound fantastic? You’ll feel as if you’re in another world. A bit like Leonardo…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    welcome to my brain . net

  • Summer time, when the living is ... *deep breath*

    6 Jul 2014 | 1:30 am
    I am experiencing something right now that so many of you do every year. However, it is brand new to me. I have a child attending public school, so this is my first "have them home all summer" thing.Normally, all of my kids are here all the time, and you just learn to pace yourself. I've written before that we needed to make some changes for everyone, and this was a great decision. No regrets. It is beneficial to the entire family.  However ... summer.All of the benefits we reap from a team of people in the life of a child are just gone. *poof* Like that. For three months.You have to…
  • Immediacy and Impermanence

    7 Jun 2014 | 7:29 am
    This week I participated in beautiful and ridiculously lengthy Facebook thread, birthed by burners. It was full of snark and brilliance. Within minutes I had fallen madly in love with people I have never met, and wanted them all at my party.Also, I wanted to plan a party.It erupted quickly and the comments multiplied for the better part of the day. No, really. It was insane. Hundreds of comments.  Notifications going off non-stop: ding, ding, ding. I actually crawled into bed that night and thought, "I hope a bunch of these hysterically genius wonders of humans don't stay up late and…
  • There is no magic pill, right?

    29 Apr 2014 | 3:31 pm
    If you are like me, you are an animal when it comes to seeking out help for your kids.  From struggles with learning, to finding clothes that fit right as their bodies grow and change, to learning about all the therapy options for mental and emotional health issues ... we advocate for the little and the big.(photo by Tibor Fazakas; used with permission)I touted mindfulness mediation almost a year ago when I wrote: "Meditation ... not just for the woo-woo hippies anymore." I knew it was a good thing for me to be doing. I had read the stuff and knew the studies. I did it for me. All…
  • Six years

    16 Apr 2014 | 5:44 am
    (November 2010 - Elizabeth Knox Photography)Six years ago today we became a family of seven. It has been the hardest six years of our lives. For all of us. We share this - the struggles, the pain, the very difficult memories. It has also been the greatest six years of our lives. For all of us. We share this - the healing, the joy, the love that was proven day after day and the family.We are a family. (May 2013)My children are my heroes. They deserve this. They deserve family and hard, hard, hard work from their parents. I talk with a lot of parents to help them learn and stay present in a way…
  • Help with the day-to-day

    26 Mar 2014 | 10:45 am
    I have used Facebook much more over the past two years, and it has replaced a lot of my information sharing I used to do on this blog.  I like the immediacy of it and the ability to engage in conversation.  It also makes more sense to send out quick links to articles on my Facebook coaching page than to create a blog post for those small items.Unfortunately, due to continued policy changes, fewer and fewer (as little as 5% - 10%) of those who follow my coaching Facebook page actually see the content I post in their newsfeeds. I have created a solution.  For those who would like…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Building Family Counseling

  • Free Car Seats and Car Seat Checks at Neighborhood Health Fair

    Dawn Friedman
    31 Jul 2014 | 6:51 am
    On Tuesday, August 12, 2014 at the Westside Health Center, 2300 West Broad, Columbus, OH from 11am to 3pm the Westside Health Center in partnership with the City of Columbus, the UnitedHealthcare Community Plan, and Columbus Public Health will be giving car seats to low income residents and offering car seat checks to anyone who needs them. Health Fair events include: Free Car Seats & Installation Free Health Screenings Health & Wellness Giveaways Games with OSU Mobile Tour & Expedition Fit Kids Health and Wellness Resources Music and Prizes Healthy Nutritious Snacks You must be…
  • Speaking truth to your adopted child

    Dawn Friedman
    22 Jul 2014 | 8:40 am
    (This is an edited repost from my defunct personal blog, which is why it references other posts from four years ago and Lost, for goodness sakes, like the olden days or something.) Malinda posted about this parenting advice from Brian Stuy: We have never brought up, unprompted, our daughters’ birth parents. We have discussed adoption, conception and pregnancy, and other corollary issues from time to time, but I have never, without having the subject introduced by a daughter, initiated a conversation by saying, “Do you wish you knew your birth mother?” Or, “Do you want to know more…
  • Introverted Kids in Brain Child

    Dawn Friedman
    16 Jul 2014 | 7:53 am
    I was interviewed for an article that appears in Brain Child Magazine this month. Neither the introverted or extroverted personality is better than the other—they’re simply different, points out Dawn Friedman, a family therapist based in Worthington, Ohio. Friedman knows of what she speaks. Her household includes a smart, funny 16-year-old introvert named Noah, who displayed a few innie quirks from the get-go: “He liked preschool,” says Friedman, “but after the meager two and a half hours, he was done. He wouldn’t talk on the way home, and he’d be a little fragile for the rest…
  • “Angry” Adoptees

    Dawn Friedman
    15 Jul 2014 | 8:34 am
    I know many adoptees, and although this is not true across the board adoptees will never be pigeonholed, i’ve found that more often than not, when you look beyond the surface, the adoptees whom a casual observer may most likely label as an “angry adoptee” or see as being the most critical of different aspects of adoption, are often the very ones who have the closest and healthiest relationships with their adoptive parents. It seems counter-intuitive, but I see it over and over again. When an adoptee makes a critical statement about adoption or adoption practices it doesn’t…
  • Small Books, Small Toys

    Dawn Friedman
    14 Jul 2014 | 8:30 am
    I just finished a kid’s book titled Return of the Twelves. It’s about a set of wooden soldiers once owned by Branwell Bronte and his sisters. The soldiers are alive and the little boy who finds them watches over them as one of their Genii (plural for genius). When you’re a child small things are so appealing; this is why the sandtray is the most popular (and powerful) toy in my whole office. You can make a whole world in there and most of the kids take intense pride in how “real” they can make it look. The setting up — place each thing exactly where it ought to go…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Voices for Vietnam Adoption Integrity

  • Registration to Retain Citizenship No Longer Needed for Adopted Children

    25 Jul 2014 | 5:33 am
    On July 10th the Department of State posted this notice: On June 24, 2014, the National Assembly of the Socialist Republic of Vietnam approved a Law on Amendments and Supplements to the Citizenship Law of Vietnam. This law abolishes the requirement for Vietnamese citizen children adopted from Vietnam before July 1, 2009 to register in order […]
  • Dept. of State Says Limited VN Program To Resume “Soon”

    18 Jun 2014 | 8:29 am
    The Office of Children’s Issues posted an announcement on their website that a new limited program may resume “soon.” Intercountry adoptions from Vietnam to the United States, through a special adoption program for children with special needs, children aged five and older, and children in biological sibling groups (Special Adoption Program) may commence three weeks […]
  • Australia will open discussions on Vietnam adoptions

    27 Apr 2014 | 6:19 am
    Prime Minister will examine adoptions from Vietnam and other countries: PRIME Minister Tony Abbott will slash adoption red tape in Australia, take full control of overseas adoption from the states and opening discussions with Vietnam, Kenya, Bulgaria, Latvia, Poland, the US and Cambodia. After joining forces with actor Deborra-Lee Furness and her husband Hugh Jackman […]
  • VN Delegation Meets With Dillion International

    24 Apr 2014 | 8:45 am
    The Vietnamese delegation also visited with Dillon International of Tulsa, OK this week. Dillon International has facilitated more than 100 adoptions from Vietnam since 2000… A delegation from Vietnam is visiting the U.S. to meet potential agencies. “It’s just a real privilege to have these delegates here in Tulsa in our backyard to experience some […]
  • Holt Hosts VN Delegation

    22 Apr 2014 | 1:15 pm
    In a blog post dated April 18th, Holt International shared that they hosted four officials from Vietnam as part of the final selection process for resuming a limited adoption program in Vietnam. Composed of four government officials, including Mr. Nguyen Van Binh, director of the Central Adoption Authority in Vietnam, the delegation traveled to Holt’s […]
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Writing My Wrongs

  • Decrease Shame

    Suz Bednarz
    29 Jul 2014 | 5:20 pm
    Related posts: Hello Paranoia and Shame
  • When I Die

    Suz Bednarz
    20 Jul 2014 | 2:13 pm
    Driving back from Narragansett, Rhode Island, I had 1.5 hours to ponder the wedding hubby and I attended on Friday, the family we reconnected with and the crazy loon of an innkeeper that we met at the bed and breakfast we stayed at (said innkeeper was listed on Trip Advisor as “aggressively friendly”). For some strange reason, as we approached Voluntown, CT I began to ponder death. I do this now and then.  No particular reason.  Most times the thought is connected with a conversation, like the one I had with Cousin Brian over the weekend. We discussed our fathers’ deaths or the one I…
  • Help Teen Moms Get GED

    Suz Bednarz
    14 Jul 2014 | 10:30 am
    Chloe and Isabel by Suz donated $100 (June sales commissions) to Backline All Option Pregnancy Center Campaign. Many thanks to Karin from CT. She was our big shopper for the month. July and August commission will be donated to another favorite of mine – Hope House in Colorado. Hope House recently sent out an email indicating a need for financial support for the teen mom GED program. You can read the email here. I believe education is key for teen moms to succeed. I am happy to support. As such, all commissions (30% of your purchase price) will be donated to Hope House the first week in…
  • Sitting with Friends

    Suz Bednarz
    11 Jul 2014 | 11:01 am
    I feel sad today. Putting aside the obvious reason (PMS, work, overwhelmed with life, struggling with classes), I feel as if I am failing a friend. Years ago I used to have wise words for my adoption friends. I was able to help them with searches, direct them to support networks, suggest books for them to read. We shared our experiences and mutual and not so mutual pain. These days, while the experience and pain may be similar, our reunions (or lack thereof) have gone in wildly different directions (none good). I no longer know what to say, I am at a loss for suggestions of books or support…
  • Illinois Adoption News

    Suz Bednarz
    1 Jul 2014 | 12:19 pm
    Below is extracted from an email I received from Melisha Mitchell today. Bolding (of particular interest to me) is my own. “Dear Friends… Yes, we have done it again. With about the same amount of fanfare as it was accompanied by while traveling through the Illinois General Assembly, House Bill 5949 will be signed by Governor Quinn sometime in the coming week, making Illinois the first state to provide a remedy for adoptees for whom no original birth certificate was ever filed (due to a home birth or a clever midwife who circumvented the law) and possibly the first (correct me if…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    FAMILY PRESERVATION not Adoption Separaration

  • Threats to Family Presevation

    Mirah Riben
    16 Jul 2014 | 3:03 pm
    Money. Demand. Lack of regulation of adoption"professionals," facilitators, and adoption agency business.Exploitation. Coercion. Secrets and lies.All of these are threats to the sanctity of families, particularly families in crisis and those lacking affluence.Demand is a major part of the problem and demand will continue until such time as we face infertility as a major health problem and add information on reducing infertility risk to high school health education classes. of course, this is unlikely inasmuch as infertility supports several multi-billion dollar industries: infertility…
  • Buying is NOT Adoptiing

    Mirah Riben
    21 Jun 2014 | 9:37 am
    Russell D. Moore identifies himself as an "Ethicist" though he is obviously an ethicist with strong "Christian" beliefs and a single-minded purpose to defend certain "Christian" world views, in particular Southern Baptists, including adoption expressed here. Had Moore been around before the Civil War, he most assuredly would have found ETHICAL arguments in favor of the buying, owning and perhaps even torturing human beings. Regarding homosexuality, Moore says it's Ok to welcome them into your home, but not to attend their weddings.
  • Golden Cradle

    Mirah Riben
    27 May 2014 | 8:39 pm
    She was 23 in a long term unmarried relationship and pregnant. They forced a closed adoption on us, we wanted open, and we decided on a adoption as I was in labor, not a day before that did this cross our minds, so we were NOT educated in any way shape or form. We didn't know we had a choice. An adoption lawyer told me that she and her colleagues always brings bagels or doughnuts to the nurses . . . .That is wrong. And it should have been a concern to the whole medical department, including my doctor, who knew how excited I was and etc about my son. I was very ready for him, yet a…
  • Adoption Activism History: The ORIGINAL ORIGINS

    Mirah Riben
    3 May 2014 | 6:29 am
    Before there was Origins in Australia or the UK, and LONG before Origins-USA .... back in the pre-Internet dark ages ...In 1980, five women from New Jersey found one another and formed the original "ORIGINS: an organization for women who lost children to adoption."We put out a national bi-monthly newsletter and held local in-person meetings for more than a decade.We were pioneers! I was on the Mort Downey Jr. Show twice with adoptees and adoptive parents bringing light to the issue that was never even spoken about before. I was later on the Joan Rivers Show talking about the Joel Steinberg…
  • WE BELIEVE YOU, Dylan Farrow!

    Mirah Riben
    11 Feb 2014 | 12:51 pm
    I believe you first and foremost because, as Mackenzie Philips said: Why would you lie?  What you did in speaking your truth to power took incredible courage and strength of character. I wholeheartedly believe you and applaud you, support you and defend you.Woody Allen became officially labeled a pedophile in my book the day his affair with Soon Yi was exposed.  I personally have not seen a Woody Allen movie since. Their continued affair and subsequent marriage removed any and all doubt in that case!My refusal on principal to see his films has led, over the years, to many passionate…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Adoption Update

  • Want to Adopt from Uganda?

    9 Jul 2014 | 5:15 am
    The most visited page on this website is Uganda. It also brings the most questions. If you are looking for a real, honest adoption program with Uganda, you can use Across The World Adoptions in CA. They have a successful program and I recommend them. If you questions about the agency, I am happy to answer them!
  • Ana Needs A Home

    18 Mar 2014 | 4:52 am
    We have been advocating strongly for Ana to find a home. She is wonderful! She is healthy and she will thrive within the walls of a loving family. Ana is post op Spina Bifida. She received surgery from a US team out of PA and recovered at Maria’s Big House of Hope in Luoyang, China. She now lives with a foster family as she waits to go to her forever home. Ana is healthy, smart and developmentally on track. She does not have sensation in her lower limbs and cannot control her bowels. Please educate yourself on the treatments for incontinence before you run away scared from that…
  • Be Thou My Vision!

    4 Mar 2014 | 11:17 am
    I am pleased to be advocating for this itty bitty DARLING!!! Meet itty bitty Haddie! Haddie’s DOB is 1/2013. She has trouble seeing out of her left eye and her file states she is to young to vision test so they are unsure how much she can or cannot see. Physically and developmentally she is right on track! Haddie’s special needs are cerebral dysplasia (although no signs of developmental delay), strephenopodia of both feet, meaning, “flat feet” and vitreous spotty opacities of left eye. She is a little darling! Haddie is listed with ATWA. Interested families can…
  • New Waiting Children Listed.

    2 Mar 2014 | 6:02 pm
    Last week I was assigned new children that I have the honor of advocating for and my oh my how special each of them are! Please read about these deserving children! Meet Ryan! DOB 6/2009. He has a right anterior archanoid cyst and a weak left leg. His physical and mental development is delayed, but he is capable of learning! He can move independently, walking, jogging, up and down stairs but his movement is a little abnormal. He can do simple things like moving chairs, feeding himself, play games, dress himself, use the toilet and fold clothes. He is capable of doing so much more if he gets…
  • Waiting Child Grant Increase

    24 Feb 2014 | 2:52 pm
      Ana’s grant has increased this week from $2000 – $3000. We are trying very hard to find her family and would love for you to consider making her your own.  Ana is so sweet. Her DOB is 1/2011. Her special need is post op spina bifida. She has no use of her lower limbs and is incontinent. Ana is very healthy and a video is available of her if you are interested. She was operated on by a US team from Pennsylvania and recovered at Maria’s Big House of Hope. This photo was taken in 12/2013. Please share her with your adoptive community and help bring her home! Contact…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum

  • If you're uncertain about adoption, keep your baby.

    25 Jul 2014 | 4:45 am
    JaneWe just received a comment from an expectant mother trying to decide about adoption. She writes:"I'm Nolee and I'm 22 yo. I'm 4 months pregnant now and most days I think adoption is the best option, that my baby will be better without me, that my baby will have a better life NOT because a social worker told me but because I told myself this, I'm sure this is the best way to go.. until I reached this forum and specially the comments here and now I don't know what to do. I'm not prepare to raise a child in any level, financially, emotionally and as much as I love this baby I feel keeping…
  • Lorraine says, See You Later

    19 Jul 2014 | 2:31 pm
    Some of you may have noticed that I have been not writing much of late, or that I mentioned upcoming surgery on my ankle--a replacement. Now I have learned that I may not be able to have a replacement, but may need a bone fusion instead, or some of both. But whatever the operation is--on August 8--I will be out of commission for a while. And as I build up to the surgery, my time is filling with the pre-op stuff that needs to be done (blood test, a dental exam, a physical exam) and endless appointments with a physical therapist to build up the muscles in my leg, as well as that magical…
  • Time to end the myth of first mother's right to privacy

    17 Jul 2014 | 3:36 pm
    Jane"Birth mothers right to privacy" -- these words get tossed around like snow in January. Advocates for unsealing birth records write countless pages of logic trying to refute this assumed right.  No matter the data, that only a minuscule of mothers have signed "no contact" preferences or demands, opponents beg for the right of the little lady in the closet. They try to bolster their bogus claim with U. S. Supreme Court cases upholding the right to practice birth control (Griswold v. Connecticut) and have an abortion (Roe v. Wade). The truth is that the little lady has no right to keep…
  • Challenging closed adoption records in the courts

    13 Jul 2014 | 8:00 am
    JaneIt's time adoptees come together in a lawsuit to strike down sealed record laws. But before I go into this, some history. Over thirty-five years ago a small group of intrepid New York adoptees filed a legal action action in federal court asking the court to declare laws preventing them from examining their adoption records unconstitutional. They sought not only their original birth certificates,  but also their court records and their files at the agencies which handled their adoptions. They faced a formidable army of lawyers representing powerful interests--the City of New York, the…
  • Refusing to help kids here while trolling for kids abroad

    8 Jul 2014 | 5:33 am
    Children in Nogales, AZ facilityAbout 40,000 accompanied minors and young children with their mothers from Guatemala, El Salvador, and Honduras have crossed our southern borders illegally since October. Another 12,000 have come from Mexico. These children and their mothers, hoping to escape the violence and poverty back home, have been herded into warehouse-like accommodations awaiting reviews by governments officials. They are confronted by angry mobs, demanding they leave immediately.One might think that the self-styled child savers, those eager to bring poor children from poor countries to…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    After December

  • Writing Again

    4 Jul 2014 | 4:06 pm
    Writing again, but not here. I'm the author of Soojung Jo.  There, I'll post updates about my published writing -- both online and in print.  I'll post excerpts from my memoir (in development), and occasional book reviews.I'm now a contributing writer at the Lost Daughters blog.  There, we'll resume the conversation started at the Faiths and Illusions blog and continuing into post-reunion life.We can also connect on Facebook.If you started reading this blog 5 years ago before we adopted from China, then you've witnessed this author's long evolution.  I'm mostly…
  • 25 May 2013 | 12:11 pm

    25 May 2013 | 12:11 pm
    I can feel it happening now, though it must have been going on for months already. There is a Korean child ~ a ghost, really ~ who is suddenly alive and growing rapidly into a woman. And there is an American woman ~ who was created from nothing and nowhere ~ who is transforming into a child. The two are racing together and toward each other. And when they collide, what will be the result that survives?Flights heading so far west until they become East. Days until I meet the home and family I lost.  Returning with the knowledge that my omma did not, in fact, love me enough to give me up…
  • Awhile back, my Korean family found me

    17 Apr 2013 | 6:10 pm
    No, I didn't find them. I wasn't searching for them ~ they were searching for me. They were searching. For me. For 34 years. The story of how we got separated is tragic and fucked up. It makes me feel a distant sense of anger and a good deal of sadness. I won't tell our private story, but suffice to say it was basically internationally sanctioned kidnapping. It makes me feel a little happy to know I was always loved & wanted, and that they never have up hope. It's amazing how that scrap of knowledge can hold up a person's soul. If you haven't experienced this circumstance, there's no way to…
  • Love, not labor

    23 Nov 2012 | 6:50 pm
    [I wrote this 2 years ago at a different blog. More true now, more true everyday. Reading who I was then, reflecting on the changes and the constants. Happy holiday season to you all.]So. Today I was conversing (via email) with a colleague and mentioned that I will be taking the kids on a 10 day road trip in a couple weeks. I may have used the words bleary-eyed and dread. He replied “Take it from me, these are the good old days.” Keep in mind, about 80% of my colleagues are at least 10 years older than me, if not 20 years. But it got me wondering… why do people assume I’m not thrilled…
  • Dot connected

    5 Oct 2012 | 7:28 pm
    This will seem so obvious after I've explained it.  In actuality, it never dawned on me until tonight to make the connection.Several years ago, there was a famous case in the state where I live.  A young girl had been abducted, molested, and then buried alive.  That story ran in the news for several months, and would recur every time there was a break in the case.  Eventually the perpetrator was caught, tried, convicted, and now serves a long prison sentence.  Every aspect of the story was awful, but there was one particular detail that captured my imagination in the…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    The Declassified Adoptee

  • Adoption and Fundraising: When Money to Breaks Down Systemic Barriers for Families

    28 Jul 2014 | 7:37 pm
    Aselefech runs for family preservation.There are a number of factors behind why I was placed for adoption.  Economics by far is one of the most pervasive.  My narrative is one among countless that attest to the way in which economics constricts the choices families and parents have--to keep their children, to not experience the removal of their children, to not become pregnant if they do not wish to be.I have been outspoken for the past five years against adoption fundraisers.  I have been asked countless times over the years to donate my written word or official endorsement to…
  • As Rightful Narrators: Adoption, RAD, and Storytelling

    23 May 2014 | 3:30 pm
    Recently, the New York Times Motherlode blog posted an essay by author Tina Traster entitled, "You're not my Real Mother."  The essay processed her gut reaction to hearing the infamous "you're not my real mom" phrase from her daughter.  Traster retorted "well who is then?" and directed her daughter never to say the phrase again.  Traster described her own hurt feelings while disclosing her daughter's adoption narrative and Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) diagnosis to readers across the globe.  Her daughter's narrative and diagnosis are also embedded in the premise of…
  • "I do not Have to Help Them": Pushing Back Against the Apathy of Those With Power

    23 Feb 2014 | 9:49 am
    "The Representative would like to meet with you," came a young woman's voice over the speaker of my cell phone. "It is urgent. You must come to Harrisburg as soon as possible." I agreed to attend, and quickly contacted two other adoption activists. It was the summer of 2010. I was relatively new to adoption activism and knew better than to go by myself. I knew why she had called.  This legislator had submitted a bill that competed with a pending original birth certificate access bill.  After his office ignored our attempts to engage with him personally, we launched a social media…
  • "Your Child Should not be Your First Black Friend": NPR, Transracial Adoption & the Powerful Voice of Chad Goller-Sojourner

    30 Jan 2014 | 7:13 am
    It has been two weeks since NPR's The Sunday Show aired a segment on transracial adoption that caused outrage within the adoption community.  To give a brief re-cap, Angela Tucker, an African American transracial adult adoptee who is the subject of the documentary "Closure," an adoption blogger, and a former adoption professional was interviewed for the segment only to be told that her interview would not be used.  Instead, NPR chose an interview with a white adoptive parent of three young transracially adopted children.As the initial point of contact between NPR and…
  • Lost Daughters: Writing Adoption from a Place of Empowerment and Peace....Now Available!

    25 Jan 2014 | 7:45 am
    I am proud to announce that Lost Daughters: Writing Adoption from a Place of Empowerment and Peace is now available in ebook format with print copies forthcoming, on anthology, boasting nearly 30 Lost Daughters authors, was edited by Amanda H.L. Transue-Woolston, Julie Stromberg, Karen Pickell, and Jennifer Anastasi. It features a collection of writings aimed to bring readers the perspectives of adopted women and highlight their strength, resiliency, and wisdom.  We thank CQT Media and Publishing and Land of Gazillion Adoptees for publishing this incredible…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    One Thankful Mom | Lisa Qualls

  • Time to Rest, Play, and Be Quiet

    Lisa Qualls
    26 Jul 2014 | 8:45 am
    We made it to Whidbey Island late Thursday night  and waited until Friday morning to unload the van. It was packed with bikes, food, sports equipment, camping gear, bags of books, K’nex, and everything we need for the next few weeks. Yesterday we made our (hopefully) only trip off the island to do a very […]
  • My Favorite Place on Earth

    Lisa Qualls
    24 Jul 2014 | 6:49 am
    This morning we are loading up the car and heading to Whidbey Island – my favorite place on earth. I have a lifetime of memories there from walking the beach as a little girl, to watching my own children grow up there. It’s amazing to me that one place has seen so much of my […]
  • Less Than a Month Until She’s Home

    Lisa Qualls
    23 Jul 2014 | 9:13 am
    “I wish Dimples was here right now so I could have fun with her.” I just overheard Little Man say this to Eby as they did their morning chores. It struck me that he would never have said that a year and a half ago. There was very little fun going on in our home […]
  • The Year in Books

    Lisa Qualls
    22 Jul 2014 | 6:00 am
    Every July my book group meets to plan what we’ll read in the coming year. I always have fun sharing our list here knowing that some of you will  enjoy these books too. If you’ve read any of them, share your thoughts. If there is something here that grabs your attention, share that too. Comments […]
  • Her Very Last Visit

    Lisa Qualls
    18 Jul 2014 | 8:01 am
    Dimples is here for her very last home visit. The time has gone by so quickly; it’s  hard to believe that we’ve reached this milestone. Samuel drove to the MT/ID border on Tuesday to pick her up. Sunshine went with him so the girls had some sister time on the way back. We had one […]
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Rage Against the Minivan

  • Wednesday's Child: Kwaisi

    30 Jul 2014 | 11:44 am
    Every Wednesday I feature a child recently highlighted by a local Wednesday's Child newscast to share the stories of children from around the country who are waiting for a family. My hope is that this can broaden exposure for the children highlighted, but also serve as a reminder that these children represent thousands of children currently in the foster-care system. Perhaps their stories will inspire you to consider opening your home to a child needing a family. For more information and to learn about other waiting children, visit 
  • What I want you to know about: keeping my adopted son's Chinese name

    30 Jul 2014 | 6:00 am
    What I Want You to Know is a series of reader submissions. It is an attempt to allow people to tell their personal stories, in the hopes of bringing greater compassion to the unique issues each of us face. If you would like to submit a story to this series, click here. Today’s guest posts is by Dana from Death by Great WallWhat would we name the boy in the photo? The 7-year-old in China who was about to become our son. This was one of the hardest decisions we made in our older child adoption.He wasn't a baby. We had biological children who were seven and eight, and we…
  • Teachable Moments While Saving for College

    29 Jul 2014 | 5:30 am
    This post was sponsored by Scholarshare.I mentioned a couple of months ago that Mark and I had opened up Scholarshare 529 college-savings accounts for each of our four kids. With our oldest being nine years old, college really isn’t that far away. I know. We should have started saving for it earlier. Waaaaaaay earlier.But now that we’ve done it, we’re finding that it has become a great way for us to teach our kids all kinds of civic lessons related to college, money, and the future. We’re all about finding good teachable moments with our kids. Just the fact that they know we’re…
  • What I want you to know about being pregnant in high school

    28 Jul 2014 | 6:00 am
    What I Want You to Know is a series of reader submissions. It is an attempt to allow people to tell their personal stories, in the hopes of bringing greater compassion to the unique issues each of us face. If you would like to submit a story to this series, click here. Today’s guest posts is by Michelle BotkinI never ever thought I was going to get pregnant in high school.High school was a carefree life. I was pretty, had friends, and had fun. I dated a boy off and on - luckily more "on" than "off" towards the end. My own mom was worried about me. She'd ask if I was…
  • That's what she said: hipster children, post-partum progress, young men and urge ownership, vacationing with kids, and more . . .

    27 Jul 2014 | 6:00 am
    Postpartum Depression: One Mom's Mission To Stop It | CNNWhile Stone believes there is more awareness today than when she started what has become a mission ten years ago, and that women are finding a safe place to connect with other women who know exactly what they’re going through, she still believes there is a lot more work to do. She still hears stories from women who said their doctors told them they were suffering from the baby blues, which would eventually go away, or not to take medication because it could shrink their brains or who told them they were fine as long as they didn’t…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Lost Daughters

  • At the Corner of Badass and Broken

    Soojung Jo
    31 Jul 2014 | 1:05 pm
    In my first Lost Daughters post a month ago, I introduced one aspect of myself to you: Korean adoptee.  But there are many other parts and now is a good time to roll them out:  I’m a mother to biological and adopted children.  I’m a wife to what we’ve coined as a Stay-At-Home-Dude.  I’m a full-time working woman in Corporate America, an Army veteran, a Crossfitter, and a writer.  I’m a Kentucky girl and SoCal woman.  I’m a daughter to two families – the American family who adopted me at age 3 and the Korean family who found and reclaimed me at age…
  • "Orphans" and Economics

    Aselefech Evans
    23 Jul 2014 | 5:43 am
    One of my most recent eye-opening lessons in the international adoption community is how “family preservation” is viewed. It seems to make people feel uncomfortable, even a bit threatened, yet it would help so many more children than adoption does.Anyone involved in international adoption is aware of the role of money. Adoptions cost around $30,000-$40,000. Children who are adopted internationally have birth families that are poor, some more abjectly than others. Children who are adopted internationally have adoptive families who are way better off economically than their birth families.
  • Oh This Wicked Faith

    20 Jul 2014 | 9:00 pm
    Oh this wicked faith of mineAnd because of whatWhy does this keep happening to meIt's not the first timeIt seems to happen every timeWhy is thatHow could that beCould it be my olive skinMy dark brown Asian eyes or my raven black hairIs it happening only because I'm AsianAnd dress a certain wayI admit that I'm AsianI'm proud to be Asian and I won't ever deny itI refuse to be a sexual objectI shouldn't have to be punished based on who my parents areDocile and submissive I'm anything but thatMaybe it's the Asian feverIs the Asian fever eqvivallent to a curseWhat's so special with an Asian girl…
  • Control

    15 Jul 2014 | 7:20 am
    Control. That word was repeated numerous times at KAAN (Korean American Adoptee Adoptive Family Network Conference) a few weeks ago. I guess I always knew it deep down … that I had a freakish need for control. In the past, I phrased it as “anal retentiveness.”I control many things in my adult life, and I enjoy the stability I feel with that control. If I control my life, there are no surprises … right?Wrong. Everything about my adoption was not controlled by me. It was controlled by the Korean culture, the Korean government and Holt International.As I grew up, I learned again that my…
  • Let Freedom Ring

    Soojung Jo
    4 Jul 2014 | 11:38 am
    It’s Independence Day in the USA.  It is a time to celebrate the remarkable day 238 years ago when our young American colonies severed their national allegiance to Great Britain with those courageous words, We hold these truths to be self-evidentToday, Americans all over the world pause to hold their families and friends close and give thanks for our many freedoms.  Today, I pause to reflect on the ways that, despite my American freedoms, I still oppress myself.But I haven’t introduced myself.  I am Soojung Jo, born of a Korean mother 37 years ago.  I lived with her…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    One Inch of Grace

  • The interview of a lifetime

    25 Jul 2014 | 7:18 pm
    Well, maybe this wasn’t really the interview of a lifetime, but I did get to interview someone that’s made a huge difference for my family: Heather Forbes. If you’ve read my blog before, you know that I am a big fan of Heather’s and her parenting model, Beyond, Consequences, Logic and Control (you can read more […]
  • Adoption Day 2014

    25 Jun 2014 | 8:17 pm
    On June 25, 2010, our adoption became legal. The kids and I had dinner and dessert out today to celebrate. We spent a couple minutes sharing our memories from the past four years. I felt good that I finally had some memories to share with them that they didn’t remember. Since I didn’t know them […]
  • Love in the D: Philip and Clare’s Wedding

    10 Jun 2014 | 6:19 pm
    Check out my latest Love in the D post. I had the opportunity to interview Clare about her beautiful 2009 wedding at the Detroit Athletic Club.Filed under: Family in the City Tagged: dac, Detroit, detroit athletic club, detroit weddings, Love in the D, weddings
  • Homework horror

    18 Apr 2014 | 9:29 pm
    BC is in kindergarten this year and the homework situation is awful. Every Monday he brings home a packet of work that is due on Friday. For him, the work is simple – one digit addition, writing punctuation, and short spelling words like “it” and “can.” I know he can do the work, yet he […]
  • BC’s 6th Birthday

    30 Mar 2014 | 9:57 pm
    BC had his 6th birthday earlier this month. I keep thinking about when first we met him, he was just over a year old and still learning to walk. He’s still as fearless as he was back then. Earlier this month he delivered a monologue at a school program and the audience loved him – […]
  • add this feed to my.Alltop


  • The Pentad of Adoption: Putting Fathers Back In The Picture

    Snow Leopard
    21 Jul 2014 | 7:06 pm
    I received my original birth certificate today, which confirmed one of my better guesses (based on genetic testing and genealogical research) about the identity of my genetic mother. However, as I had been forewarned would likely be the case, the document contained no information about my father, since (as in many states) birth certificates in […]
  • Guilty as charged: Aiding and abetting adoption

    Daniel Ibn Zayd
    2 Jul 2014 | 4:48 am
    In a previous post [link], Lucy explores the idea of abuse that can be stated is functional to adoptive parents withholding information from a child temporarily in their care. I didn’t want to hijack that post, so I’m hoping to expand on that here a bit. If we define the systemic displacement, dispossession, and disinheritance […]
  • Orphan Testing & the Search for An Origin

    Snow Leopard
    30 Jun 2014 | 9:35 am
    Having lately resorted to genetic testing to uncover my immediate genetic family, I confront therefore the panoply of folks, mostly not adopted, who are on a similar (but different) quest for their origin.[1] Compared to whatever conceits are at work in the efforts of committed and serious genealogists, the amateurish, armchair types—the ones who causally […]
  • Adoption’s Article of Bad Faith

    Snow Leopard
    29 Jun 2014 | 10:05 am
    Manifold disclosures about the unethical and immoral practices of those trafficking in human children now make clear the systemic, not merely idiosyncratically aberrant, character of those ethical and moral violations. [1] My adoptive parents paid for a white baby, but they didn’t get one—as 10.4% of my genetic heritage makes clear in its tracing back […]
  • Disabling Petitioner’s Syndrome: Psychological and Structural Aspects

    Snow Leopard
    29 Jun 2014 | 8:49 am
    As I plod slowly along on the slow trail of information-gathering to hunt down trails of my possible genetic origins through different genetic testing tools, I sometimes note an obnoxious petitioner’s syndrome that being adopted [1] can engender. Petitioner’s syndrome points psychologically to having to address a greater power for essential information and structurally to […]
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Unsigned Masterpiece

  • Adoption Should be A Last Resort…

    Unsigned Masterpiece
    20 Jul 2014 | 1:29 pm
    It's always good when people "Get it"
  • The Power of Biology, the Fear of Fertility (and adoption)

    Unsigned Masterpiece
    10 Jul 2014 | 11:48 am
    Great piece in The Land of a Gazillion Adoptees.  This is a great online magazine coming up to its first anniversary.Filed under: Adoption
  • Judy Collins (and Adoption)

    Unsigned Masterpiece
    8 Jun 2014 | 2:35 pm
    A song that has always been one of my adoption songs. Born to the Breed.Filed under: Adoption Tagged: Born to the Breed, Judy Collins
  • Let’s Make A Film!

    Unsigned Masterpiece
    7 Apr 2014 | 8:00 am
    “Legal theme" may be broadly construed. You are free to choose any subject in which the relationship between law, justice, and society can be fashioned into a unique visual story.
  • 13 reasons…From The Humanist Adoptee

    Unsigned Masterpiece
    5 Apr 2014 | 5:01 am
    By way of Land of a Gazillion Adoptees, a recent post from The Humanist Adoptee: 13 Reasons Why Adopted Children Are Not Lucky From the comments to the above: It took me nearly 40 years to realize how adoption truly impacted me — and I am still discovering new things about myself. Over time, I […]
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Together for Adoption

  • Dan Cruver was Awarded This Year’s Angel in Adoption Recipient Award by Senator Tim Scott

    Jason Kovacs
    31 Jul 2014 | 1:41 pm
    From the Congressional Coalition of Adoption’ (CCIA) Angels in Adoption website:The Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute’s (CCAI) Angels in Adoption™ Program honors individuals, couples, and organizations that have made extraordinary contributions on behalf of children in need of families.As the name implies, these are individuals whose contributions in the fields of adoption or foster care have had a national impact. Past recipients of this award include Korie and Willie Robertson, Katherine Heigl and Josh Kelley, Ne-Yo, PEOPLE Magazine, Nia Vardalos, Scott Fujita, Sean…
  • Join the Conversation: T4A NatCon 2014

    Dan Cruver
    28 Jul 2014 | 7:02 am
    We are very passionate about our primary objective for this year’s conference gathering: to maximize our time together by providing important conversations with people who are key leaders, thinkers, and practitioners in the global orphan movement. We want to facilitate extended conversations that matter — conversations that uniquely address the complex spectrum of care needed for orphans globally.This year’s conference theme is Urgency & Complexity: Biblical & Ethical Approaches to the Orphan Crisis. If you join us, you’ll leave Greenville having thought deeply and…
  • Adoption Nuggets (22): Dipping Into Metaphorical Theology (4)

    Tim J R Trumper
    21 Jul 2014 | 9:18 pm
    1. Distinguishing the Filial and Familial Language of Scripture (continued)Having outlined the three basic facts of adoption ~ the uniqueness of the biblical term huiothesia, Paul’s exclusive use of it (Rom. 8:15, 23, 9:4; Gal. 4:5; Eph. 1:5), and his utilization of the term to cover the whole scope of redemptive history (Eph. 1:5; Rom. 9:4; Gal. 4:5 [Rom. 8:15]; Rom. 8:23) ~ we now come to the unscrambling of the New Testament’s language of adoption and new birth.This is necessary because, more often than not, theologians throughout church history have either not seen or chosen…
  • Orphans on a Bridge to Nowhere…

    Dan Cruver
    2 Jul 2014 | 1:37 pm
    A must read. Read More. It’s a must read..
  • Learn more about ChriStory

    Dan Cruver
    30 Jun 2014 | 12:09 pm
    Lesson 1: Audio for “Jesus, The True Eden for Us” Lesson 2: Audio for “Jesus, The New Creation for Us (Part 1)” Lesson 3: Teacher Notes for “Jesus, The New Creation for Us (Part 2)” Lesson 4: Audio & Teacher Notes for “Jesus is Eden” (John 9) Lesson 5: Jesus is the New Creation (Part 3)This class on Christology is one of the adult Sunday School classes at Redeemer Presbyterian Church of Travelers Rest, SC taught by Dan Cruver. This blog is for one of the Sunday school classes for June, July, and August at Redeemer Presbyterian Church of Travelers Rest, SC. Each blog post…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Cheese Curds and Kimchi-Our international adoption story

  • Nanny in the house

    25 Jul 2014 | 12:25 pm
    I never really saw us as nanny people. That very word seems so pretentious and conjures up images of an uptight, elderly fussbucket who caters to rich families and spoiled children.However, I'm changing my tune.After four months off of work, it was time for me to go back to the real world. But Little Brother was clingy and still a little scared. We were concerned (OK, mostly I was concerned but The Man went along with it) that it would be too much for Little Brother to go to the preschool that Little Man attends. Although there are two regular classroom teachers, many other teachers rotate…
  • Three years a family!

    8 Jul 2014 | 8:20 am
    Starting our life together. 5/10/2011(This is a catch-up post. Our family day with Little Man was May 10. I'm only a few months late which is pretty good for me lately!)*****Family. Before Little Man came that word only referred to The Man, myself, Gus the wonder dog and our kitties.But now it's much more. Three years ago our definition of family was revolutionized when a quiet boy was placed in my arms, sitting stiffly in my lap during our taxi ride away from the adoption agency.I think back to that baby---that stranger who I called my child. I remember how he behaved then, small indicators…
  • Catching up

    5 Jul 2014 | 8:20 am
    Wow.I have no idea where these past months have gone. Wait...yes I do. They've been spent changing diapers, fostering a sibling relationship, trying to carve out some time for me, finding a nanny, returning to work, struggling to stay ahead of the never-ending laundry. You get the drift.So, here we are, nearly four months post-placement and we are surviving! Sometimes I even think we are thriving! The boys get along (mostly). We are getting onto a solid schedule (usually). We took another trip back to Washington state to visit family. This time Little Brother did much better with the flights!
  • We're all doing OK

    27 May 2014 | 8:04 pm
    Thanks to everyone who reached out in different ways after my last post. Your emails, messages and thoughts are greatly appreciated and helped during difficult moments. I know I am not the only one to have experienced losing a sibling and hope everyone who has been through it has as much support as I have had. I feel very thankful.In the few weeks since we've been home following my sister's memorial we've all been doing OK. We have our ups and downs, but over all, I have to say the boys have been amazing.Little Brother has really made big strides. While we were with family, he was fussy and…
  • For my 45th year

    21 May 2014 | 8:11 pm
    April 29I turned 45.Five more years until I'm 50.Scary.I'm now officially too old for the Korean adoption program. Thank goodness Little Brother made it home in time.It was a nice day.It was a normal day.April 30My mom calls.My sister has died.The world grinds to a halt.The first day of my 45th year begins with a loss so cutting that I can't breathe.*********I can't really write about this now. It's all still too painful. When I think of my sister's death, I feel like I'm underwater in a murky tank, unable to figure out which way is up or down. She was 42. How is this possible?Our past few…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    I'm A Foster

  • Getting That First Job

    3 Jul 2014 | 7:09 pm
     One of the difficult things about being a foster kid is seeing the kids around you have things that you may not have or even have the opportunity to get. It could be a variety of things from cool clothes, new shoes, the latest video game or even having a pet. Some of it may have to do with the rules of where you’re staying or you don’t have parents to buy that stuff. I recognized early on that if I wanted those things then I had to go and get them for myself. I realized really quickly that I was going to have to work harder than most of my peers to get some of the things they had…
  • Getting A Drivers License As A Foster Kid

    17 Apr 2014 | 10:36 pm
      To many kids turning 16 is one of the most exciting days of their lives. With turning 16 comes getting a drivers license. It's the license of freedom all most every teenager looks forward to getting. Hours of driving with family members to get enough hours under the belt finally paying off. Unfortunately for many foster kids it's harder to obtain the goal of getting that freedom. For many foster kids turning 16 does not mean getting a drivers license. When I was placed into foster care the summer I was getting ready to turn 16. I didn't have my permit at that that point. My…
  • Should Some Foster Kids Be "Grateful"?

    30 Mar 2014 | 11:17 pm
     After writing a post about things I disliked hearing in foster care, there were a lot of comments regarding foster children being told by their foster parents, that they should be thankful. This is something that has been said to me many times before, but not something I had a strong opinion on myself. There are many things said to you or about you as a foster kid so I found it best to have a tough skin. This was mainly in reference to the question: If a foster kid is not being "grateful" for what they have or not realizing that others have it worse, is it a bad thing to remind them…
  • 4 Impactful Things Foster Parents Can Say To Foster Kids

    15 Mar 2014 | 9:52 am
       After I wrote about 5 things I disliked hearing as a foster kid, I was asked a great question: what things DID it help me to hear through foster care.  I had a set of foster parents that really made and impact on me with the way treated me during my time with them. Many of the things they said not only helped me through foster care, but also left an impact on me as I've become an adult. With that said here 4 awesome things, which as a foster kid especially, made me feel awesome:“I’m proud of you and you should be proud too!” I hadn’t really heard this too…
  • 5 Things I Disliked Hearing As A Foster Kid

    2 Mar 2014 | 8:06 pm
    "What are you in foster care for?"  I’m not a very open person with people I don’t know anyway but I think this is a hard question for any kid. Most kids aren’t put in foster care because they messed up, it’s their parents fault. How do you answer this question; “My parent’s beat me”, ” My parents care more about drugs then me”,  ”My parents died”, “The state took me”, or maybe even “I don’t know”. Any of those responses doesn’t sound good and not really something I want to talk about. It’s one of those things that I sits in the back of your mind…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop


  • How much I changed after #BABYVERONICA (Part One)

    31 Jul 2014 | 10:05 am
    By Trace DeMeyer (aka Lara Hentz) (I'm dropping my adoptee name)I started this blog in 2009! How little I knew then. I tried to write a regular post about the subject of adoption, my own experience of search and reunion, my learning curve, what I hated about the billion dollar adoption industry, and the history I was finding about the Indian Adoption Projects and the Indian Child Welfare Act (ICWA), all of it. I looked at books, academic papers, everything I could find.First I had to learn Google Blogger then I did as the marketers suggest: use social media and share your blog posts on…
  • WHY are these Native children removed from their homes?

    25 Jul 2014 | 2:55 am
    Why Are These Indian Children Being Torn Away From Their Homes?07/23/2014Indian Child Welfare Act By Stephen Pevar, Senior Staff Attorney, ACLU at 10:19am Imagine entering family court and knowing that what's at stake is the person you hold most dear – your child. Now imagine having a judge tell you that he's removing your child from your custody, from your home. When you ask him why, the judge's replies, "I honestly can't tell you." The judge then signs an order giving custody of your son to Social Services.You might think that such a court proceeding could never happen in the United…
  • Broken: Choctaw Father in California Thwarted in Custody Battle With Foster Couple

    24 Jul 2014 | 10:15 am
    Suzette Brewer7/24/14 INDIAN COUNTRY TODAY MEDIABaby A has been adrift in foster care for years. Born in November 2009, the child’s non-Indian mother had disappeared soon after its birth. The father, a member of the Choctaw Nation of Oklahoma who is from the Los Angeles area, took over raising the child and was described by friends and family as, says one, “a great father, who really tried his best to step up.” Currently, an appellate court in Los Angeles is reviewing whether or not Baby A should be placed with relatives under the “preferred placement preferences” of both state…
  • Called Home/Two Worlds contributor Leland Morrill

    24 Jul 2014 | 5:14 am
    Honoring Natives in Entertainment Media event this past spring: Vimeo:   Leland Morrill Kirk, Navajo, is a contributor to both history books on Native American adoptees, and he is an actor/jewelry-maker/adoption activist in Los Angeles. At the event he explains his moving personal story, ICWA activism on our behalf and search. Watch the videos!We thank Leland for all he does for us!visit:
  • Adoptee Rights Coalition: 2014 Event

    23 Jul 2014 | 5:06 am
    Adoptee Rights Coalition: 2014 Event: The next ARC event will be held during the 2014 Legislative Summit, August 19 - 22 in Minneapolis, Minnesota.  Stay tuned for more information...visit:
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Infant Adoption Guide

  • IAG 023: An infant adoption story with Jake Stewart

    Tim Elder
    30 Jul 2014 | 9:33 am
    Can you imagine your first adoption taking 10 days? In this episode you’ll hear how that happened for Jake Stewart. He and his wife have adopted twice – both newborns. Adoption stories are inspiring and can provide hope on our own journey. Jake will tell the stories about how his children became part of their […]
  • Adoption profile stats – How many times has your profile been seen? Here’s why you may not want to know.

    Tim Elder
    15 Jul 2014 | 7:17 am
    Adoption profiles are the most important way for you to get noticed by prospective birthmothers. A great profile will lead to the all important match, which hopefully leads to a placement and realizing the dream of building your family. With the vast opportunities via the internet, hopeful adoptive families have more marketing options available than […]
  • Ask an adoption question #4: How do we not feel rejected & lose hope when waiting to adopt?

    Tim Elder
    27 Jun 2014 | 5:43 am
    In today’s “Ask An Adoption Question”, Shelly talks about her struggle with waiting to adopt. Hi, Tim The hardest thing for me is the waiting. Every day that passes feels like I have been rejected by all the people who look at our 3 websites. I think I’m not pretty enough to be chosen, our pictures […]
  • 3 flights, 33 hours and 9,000 miles to become an adoptive dad

    Tim Elder
    19 Jun 2014 | 2:19 pm
    The following is a guest post from Darin Moss. He shares his incredible story of how he and his wife recently adopted a little boy and how he was able to celebrate Father’s Day in a special way. Enjoy! I’m sleep deprived… I go days without a shave… I’ve been pooped on, peed on, spit […]
  • IAG 022: How to adopt faster and easier with Thea Ramirez – founder of

    Tim Elder
    12 Jun 2014 | 7:10 am
    In this episode of the Infant Adoption Guide Podcast, we talk with Thea Ramirez – the Founder and President of What would it mean to you if there was a way to connect directly with over 80 adoption agencies and attorneys nationwide that are constantly posting adoption situations just for you? Where do I […]
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    All In The Family Of Adoption

  • Keep Your Baby, Nolee

    Kellie C
    26 Jul 2014 | 6:47 am
    by RobinNolee, I was so alarmed by your story and your comment that I could hardly sleep. Please, please, please keep your baby. You say that you are struggling with depression and alcohol and that you want to work on these problems before you become a mother. Well, I have news for you. I bet if you give your child up for adoption these problems will become even worse. Adoption could make your depression ten times, no, a hundred times, no, a thousand times worse, and with your predilection to alcohol you may very well turn to drink even more in order to…
  • The Adopted Ones Blog: Adoption relationships can be complicated, being kin adds another layer...

    Kellie C
    21 Jun 2014 | 2:17 pm
    The Adopted Ones blog: Adoption relationships can be complicated, being kin adds another layer... This is a completely different type of post and how I have written it, is based both on what I have read that made sense to me from adoptive parents who've been in the process a long time...
  • No Apologies for Being Me: A Father's Day story about Open Adoption

    Kellie C
    15 Jun 2014 | 9:31 am
    No Apologies for Being Me: A Father's Day story about Open Adoption: As an adoptive parent in a "kinship adoption" arrangement as the professionals call it, the words "open adoption" and...
  • Happy Father's Day

    Kellie C
    15 Jun 2014 | 7:00 am
    Happy Father's Day to all the dad's out there no matter how you came to be called "Dad".  I like Father's Day better than Mother's Day because there isn't all that pressure.  Maybe mom's can have that one day when we are all on equal ground as parents of our children.  I would love it if we weren't bombarded with all those freaking commercials showing the fabulous things tv mom gets making the rest of us believe we should get the same things to prove we are good moms, too.Say "Happy Father's Day" this year by speaking out for father's rights.  If we want women's rights to…
  • Overshare

    Kellie C
    12 Jun 2014 | 7:24 am
    Yesterday there was a link to a blog written by an adoptive mother being circulated around Facebook and Twitter.  In this blog the mother was sharing her internationally adopted daughter's story shamelessly.  Sharing details about her daughter's life she had no right sharing.  Details which she used to demonstrate how damaged she believed her daughter to be.  She was criticizing people telling her her daughter was "lucky" to have been adopted.I cannot imagine having my history shared by someone else in such a public way.  My history is incredibly painful for me.
Log in