Adoption

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  Musings of the Lame

• Adoption, Relinquishment, Informed Consent, Abortion, 911, and Insurance: How to Fix Adoption??

  16 Nov 2009 | 9:57 pm

  I don't know why, but the responses to my last post about my dreading with November was overwhelming to me. It wasn't that people responded with kindness; I actually expect the innate goodness and compassion of most. It wasn't that my feelings obviously resonate to what other moms feel during the birthday months of our relinquished children either. It was more like I was so struck at how very

• November: A BirthMothers Season of Loss

  12 Nov 2009 | 5:04 pm

  Here it comes. I don't know why I am surprised. It's November. It's National Adoption Awareness Month. Max's Birthday is on Saturday. My due date for him was tomorrow November 12th. IOnto the Season of Max I roll.. Gotcha Gotcha Gotcha!I feel the big cranky coming on.Tuesday night when I found myself almost in tears over a pretty much a nothing conversation with Rye, I immediately thought "PMS?",

• My Most Treasured Photo of Adoption

  29 Oct 2009 | 5:04 pm

  I'm late to the Adoption Carnival Party today, but I'm still going to play:This month's Grown in my Heart Adoption Carnival is:Carnival III: Photos of Adoption. What is your most treasured adoption photo (or two)? Block out faces if you have to, find a scanner, or simply tell us about it if you can't post it. We do understand that. For me, my most tresured Adoption Photos is a no brainer:See,

• Honoring the Loss of My Friend, Moises

  16 Oct 2009 | 8:00 pm

  There are times when it seems that all things in the universe come together in the most magical ways. I can count those moments like that that I have had the joy of experiencing on my two hands; they are so fleeting and rare, yet impossible to miss.This Tuesday night, in the void of great loss and sorrow; I had the honor of taking part in one of these precious moments and I will never forget the

• Where My Wild Things Are

  2 Oct 2009 | 9:31 pm

  I knew I would have to write about Where the Wild Things Are. How could I not? From the earliest hummings of a this Spike Jonze's Where the Wild Thing Are movie coming to fruition, every ounce of my soul has rejected the reality that I now face.I haven't wanted to hear about this movie. I haven't wanted to think about it. I haven't wanted to face it. I don't want it to exist. I don't care that it

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  Anti-Adoption

• Reply to Christine from – post 861

  Gershom

  15 Nov 2009 | 11:06 pm

  Recently in the thead - It is so wrong to adopt someone else’s child because you can’t have one of your own.…. A comment was left by Christine ( read the comment here ) and there is so much I”d like to reply to, i’m giving it, its own post. I have read views similar [...]

• If you can’t love me the way I want to be loved, then we shouldn’t have a relationship

  Gershom

  12 Nov 2009 | 3:02 pm

  Take the title of this post in for a second…. It was said to me recently by my amother. I ran a bill up on an account of hers, which I shouldn’t have done, and it triggered this spiral of emotions in each of us. It seems to happen every 5 years or so and [...]

• Password protected posts

  Gershom

  12 Nov 2009 | 2:29 am

  Some of my posts on here are going password protected. If you would like access to them please leave a comment here with your email in the comment form and i’ll email you the password. thanks Gersh

• Protected: Testing your love and resistance to abandonment

  Gershom

  12 Nov 2009 | 2:27 am

  There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

• It is so wrong to adopt someone else’s child because you cannot have one of your own.

  Gershom

  8 Nov 2009 | 7:02 pm

  Its so weird how adoption is….everywhere. It seems like no matter where I am, i can’t escape it. Yesterday I was in the parking lot and there is this white woman, white child, and chinese daughter. I looked, …no I stared….is that little girl adopted? Sure she could be a friends daughter, the womans husband [...]

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  Ethnically Incorrect Daughter

• Momma

  sume

  5 Nov 2009 | 10:56 am

  pic by sume Stepmother, who I was closest to of all my mothers, had prepared everything to the best of her ability.  Rooms were ready to be re-arranged to allow us to squeeze between the empty spaces she’d made for us.  I’d forgotten how much I’d missed her when I’d left.  She’d been my best friend [...]

• Cycles

  sume

  10 Oct 2009 | 3:03 pm

  As I walked to the end of the driveway, the loud crunch of the rocks reminded me of too many restless nights of wandering, always wondering.  Though this was a different driveway, the atmosphere was similar enough.   This one was shorter and led to a rock road rather than a highway, but the loud, [...]

• Stranger in the familiar

  sume

  23 Sep 2009 | 7:26 am

  Dad’s first words to me were, “It’s been too long,” as he hugged me close.  The first thing I noticed was his cologne.  It was the same smell I remembered from my childhood.  Looking up at him, my eyes widened at how much about the rest of him had changed.  His gray, closely cropped hair [...]

• Selective Purging…Not

  sume

  8 Sep 2009 | 11:01 am

  If only I could somehow purge my life of all the things I didn’t want to remember, they would go away.  Part of me said the life before was over.  Why not let it go?  I’d seen others do it a thousand times over, and it wasn’t as if I hadn’t done it before however [...]

• The Noisy Road Home

  sume

  30 Jun 2009 | 3:11 am

  pic by sume The road to the house was long, dark and noisy.  Very little was visible except for the dusty tunnel of illumination created by the headlights.  I could see the scattered lights of nearby houses but they seemed dim and insignificant.  What stood out to me most was the noise.  Even at thirty miles [...]

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  Ungrateful Little Bastard

• Next Long Island Adoptee Meetup - Saturday, December 5th

  Ungrateful Little Bastard

  19 Nov 2009 | 4:30 am

  If you're on the Island, c'mon down.Click here to check outThe Long Island Adoptees Meetup Group!

• Adoption Month Blatherings

  Ungrateful Little Bastard

  11 Nov 2009 | 10:09 am

  Well, well, well.Life has certainly been quite inconsiderate of the fact that this is National Adoption Awareness Month, and that I had a host of things I wished to do in celebration of all inappropriately touched by adoption.Where do I begin?You may remember that both Dr. Ungrateful and I have found ourselves unwilling participants in the LOLfest known as teh economy is teh suck, adding the two of us to the ever-growing pool of over educated and/or over qualified middle-aged professionals watching TV in the middle of the afternoon instead of being gainfully employed.I'm actually still…

• Do you think they're making a new feature cartoon?

  Ungrateful Little Bastard

  25 Oct 2009 | 2:35 pm

  VISITOR ANALYSISReferring Linkhttp://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=ungrateful little bastard&aq=0&oq=ungrateful l&aqi=g3g-m2Host Nameproxy-ce4.disney.comCountryUnited StatesRegionCaliforniaCityBurbankISPDisney Worldwide Services IncIf so, I demand Fran Drescher do my voice.

• Adoptees with need for medical history

  Ungrateful Little Bastard

  23 Oct 2009 | 6:24 am

  Reposting via Ann Wilmer, please share and repostA reporter for a national publication is interested in writing a story about the problems adoptees encounter when they have a medical need to know. If you have personal experience of this situation, contact me, please.Ann can be contacted at wilmer@dmv.com

• Nurse your hangover with OBCforME

  Ungrateful Little Bastard

  22 Oct 2009 | 6:46 am

  Why yes, my hangover does last 2 days, thank you very much. I have absolutely no alcohol tolerance. Anyway...Mark your calendars!Maine Celebrates One Year of Original Birth Certificates!Come to Maine, celebrate with us! We have reached a milestone, our one year mark since original birth certificates were made available to adult adoptees here in Maine.We will have lots of activities planned for this day - updates on the schedule of events will be posted soon! Date: Saturday, January 2, 2010Time: 9:00am - 9:00pmLocation: The Maine Film StudiosStreet: 235 Presumpscot StreetCity/Town:…

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  ReadingWritingLiving

• I (heart) Dr. Wicked

  Susan

  9 Nov 2009 | 10:12 pm

    Keyboard broken……………….. Originally uploaded by axemaniac So no, I am NOT doing NaNoWriMo this year, but I am doing my own private, much less pressurized version of it. I have committed to writing a minimum of 500 words per day (not blogging, but either nonfiction, fiction or poetry) from now until January 1st. Today was day one. I have not Written in so long, to say I am “rusty” would be a major understatement. I have entire limbs made of rust right now. So I enlisted the help of Dr. Wicked’s Write or Die program. I even sprung the…

• Random Thoughts on Saturday Night

  Susan

  7 Nov 2009 | 8:10 pm

  I wish I had more time to blog. I wish I had more time to do ANYthing. I, of course, have brought this on myself (having no time). But, it’s all good stuff. Like, I’m now a bona fide Weight Watchers leader. Which if you had told me this one year ago, I would have laughed, cried, and had you committed for insanity. Like, I’m now teaching a writing class for women writers in Afghanistan. It regularly brings me to tears. PLEASE READ their work, and comment on their pieces! They are mindblowing!!!! Like, I’m also teaching TWO sections of “Literature of…

• Ten Awesome Things About Having A Housemate

  Susan

  21 Oct 2009 | 8:23 pm

  She makes homemade gyoza! She is a great writer. She is a phenomenal artist and has designed the cover art for my chapbook(s). See below. Isn’t that enough to make you swoon? Do you not want to immediately buy 10 copies?? She promises to kick my butt until said chapbooks are DONE. She thinks my mom is a hoot. My mom likes her back. She’s Japanese-American. Nuff said. She has a snake (which has not yet arrived) which has younger daughter extremely excited. She is a historian, which makes my history-buff husband very happy. She is an INCREDIBLE cook and in the short time she has…

• Mad Men: A Window into my own Past

  Susan

  29 Sep 2009 | 9:18 am

  It took me a while to catch on to the Mad Men bandwagon, but now I’m ravenously gobbling up episodes of Seasons 1 and 2. It’s sooooo good. And incredibly illuminating. I’m fascinated, because the show takes place in 1960, and I was born in 1959, so it’s like this amazing window into the history of the time where I came from. Even more fascinating is that there are multiple adoption-esque story lines. I want to discuss them all, but there will be major spoilers if you haven’t seen the show, so I’m going to continue after the break. Proceed at your own…

• Calling all Adopted & Fostered Adults of the African Diaspora!

  Susan

  2 Sep 2009 | 8:28 pm

  Hey hey! It’s almost time for the SECOND (wow how time flies) AFAAD Gathering! The first one, held last November was a truly historical and moving event and I was lucky enough to participate in a joint session with Asian adoptees. AFAAD rocks. If you know anybody who falls into the African American adopted-or-fostered group, pleeeeeeeease spread the word, far and wide. It’s gonna be another amazing event. ————– When: Friday through Sunday, November 6-8, 2009 8am-5pm, with some evening activities – Oakland, CA What: 2nd Annual Gathering for…

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  Rights of Adoptees

• NATIONAL ADOPTION AWARENESS MONTH

  Mary Lynn Fuller

  6 Nov 2009 | 6:20 am

  There is frequent mention over the Internet these days about placing children in adoptive homes.Dave Thomas, the founder of Wendy's was always saying, "all children deserve a loving, permanent home". I do agree but it always seemed to me that Dave did not care about the children beyond that. It is like he never gave thought to the children becoming adults and being curious about their origins or possibly needing to know birth family medical history. Now that Dave is deceased his Foundation seems to be continuing on just as he. I found Dave to be pathetic and the same goes for his Foundation.

• IN MEMORY OF MY BIRTH MOTHER

  Mary Lynn Fuller

  27 Oct 2009 | 6:14 am

  The search for my birth family took over 20 years and it was unfortunate that my birth mother died from breast cancer during that time. I would have loved to have gotten to know her. I do cherish hearing memories shared by my siblings and other family members.So far I've been fortunate but a benign lumpectomy was quite scary and that was even before I knew my birth mother was deceased. I can't help but feel that taking Raloxifine for five years has been beneficial. I can not stress enough the importance of mammograms. Women at high risk should talk to their physician about prevention.Susan G.

• A 69 YEAR OLD NEEDS DADDY'S PERMISSION

  Mary Lynn Fuller

  21 Oct 2009 | 2:32 pm

  There have to be alot of emotions to deal with when at the age of 68 you learn that you were adopted as an infant. Did Rick's father "spill the beans" so that he might have closure from the long kept secret or did he forget that Rick did not know? It is hard to say when you consider his father is 100 years old. Last January when Rick called me, I became determined to help him. He was not only a Chicago adoptee like myself but my heart went out to him to learn of his adoption at a late stage in his life. Anita Field and I are the co-founders of IL Open plus we are good friends. So we have been…

• EVERYONE IS NEEDED!

  Mary Lynn Fuller

  4 Sep 2009 | 6:33 pm

  I've been around the Internet adoption community for years. I've always found it unfortunate that many who have been reunited will never be heard from again. Perhaps some think there is no need to stick around. But there is because the adoption reform movement could be a long ways from being completed. Some do very little searching themselves and I find that unfortunate since it can help prepare for the reunion. Perhaps this group feel that they can not be of help to others searching. Perhaps they are not interested in if anyone else finds birth family. I've known adoptees who get what they…

• PRIOR TO THE ILLINOIS CONFIDENTIAL INTERMEDIARY SERVICE

  Mary Lynn Fuller

  14 Aug 2009 | 6:42 pm

  It was 1976 when I started my own search for birth family. Searches were not as popular then as today. A petition asking a judge to open my records was not time consuming. I received a reply within a short time stating to make an appointment to resolve the matter in the judge's chambers. I was to bring along a photo ID plus a statement from my physician that there was a medical need. My adoptive mother accompanied me to the appointment. There was no more information in my file than I already knew. However there was a name jotted down on the outside of the file. To this day I don't know if…

• Photostream from Daylife
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  Motherhood Deleted

• Feeding the Beast

  Robin

  20 Nov 2009 | 6:02 am

  It's all over the 'net. The Evan B. Donaldson Institute (for the further glorification of adoption) has released a new study here.  It has even inspired ABC to go on the hunt for adopted people who feel they have experienced discrimination in order to craft more TV news. Here's the summary.BEYOND CULTURE CAMP: PROMOTING HEALTHY IDENTITY FORMATION IN ADOPTIONAuthors: Hollee McGinnis, Susan Livingston Smith, Dr. Scott D. Ryan, and Dr. Jeanne A. HowardPublished: 2009 November. New York NY: Evan B. Donaldson Adoption InstituteDocument Type: Research (112 pages)This study, released in…

• Questions, Mysteries, Quandries and Enigmas

  Robin

  13 Nov 2009 | 4:48 am

  We fight for recognition of the coerced surrenders of the BSE. We fight for opening the records from this time of secret closed adoptions. And while we all fight, wrangle, debate and seek our goals, reunions keep happening, searches continue and mothers and adult adoptees meet. While SMAAC is not about reunion or even adoption, but surrender, reunion has been a catalyst for the need to know, correct and resolve.A mother in Canada asked, "But what are we supposed to mean to each other? In so many cases, parties meet and that's it. How can that be? How can healing take place? Has too much…

• Sometimes, Life Gets In The Way

  Robin

  9 Nov 2009 | 4:02 am

  My DH and I are planning a Christmas getaway to this lovely cabin (with hot tub and working fireplace) in the mountains of West Virginia. We have placed a deposit, paid the pet fee and reserved a motel for the road trip up there. Then life got in the way.My hubby has developed a serious condition with his spine...serious enough for his GP to send him to a neurosurgeon after viewing his MRI films. We see the neuro tomorrow AM. Meanwhile, hubby is on two Tylox (oxycodone) every 6 to 8 hours and is still in extreme pain. A chiropractor won't touch him. To say I am worried sick is an…

• Motherhood Deleted: Time to Honor and Remember

  Robin

  1 Nov 2009 | 2:54 am

  Motherhood Deleted: Time to Honor and Remember

• Time to Honor and Remember

  Robin

  1 Nov 2009 | 2:50 am

  Today is  National Strange and Mournful Day, an observance that began in response to the designation of November as National Adoption Awareness Month. We mothers wear our ribbons all month and tell anyone who asks what they mean.I came up with the name because certain lyrics from Paul Simon's "Mother and Child Reunion" resonated, so deeply, with me. Today and all through the coming month, Mothers of adoption loss will be wearing our ribbon badges of black for mourning, red for anger and passion for our cause and white for hope and healing. Some of us will adorn our ribbons with the…

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  Diarrhea of a madman

• Seasonal Guilt Disorder

  Brad

  12 Nov 2009 | 2:53 pm

  Trying to decide what to get our son for Christmas. Something small that we can send through the mail? Or order something bigger online and have it delivered? Is that too impersonal? Which will he appreciate more? We have not visited at Christmas since our first daughter was born. We always used to visit at Christmas. My son’s family pictures from last Christmas are… heartbreaking. There he is, sitting under the tree, opening presents. Presents that were just what he wanted. But he does not have that typical look of a kid on Christmas morning with all the promise of spending the…

• Girls, girls, girls

  Brad

  17 Oct 2009 | 8:34 am

  I have girls. Delilah (yes, that is a pseudonym) was born on her due date of September 29th 2009 at 21:38, weighing in at 6 pounds 13 ounces. Everyone is doing great, except Lamia who appears to think that mommy no longer loves her.  She is sweet with Delilah though. Tired. Obviously.

• Advertising

  Brad

  7 Sep 2009 | 9:23 am

  How is it that my kid not only knows about McDonalds, but gets excited when she sees it? She had some fries from there one time. And now when we see the big golden arches she points and screams piercingly “O’Donalds!” causing everyone around us for 100ft to stare at me as if I am the worst parent in the world, because obviously the child is fed on nothing but McNuggets. It was much funnier when our friends were visiting and told us they had just come from McDonalds and Lamia sang “ee-i-ee-i-o!” I feel like she has lost her innocence somehow.

• Guilt

  Brad

  28 Jun 2009 | 5:28 pm

  The second kiddo’s imminent arrival is a mere three months away. We are in the process of clearing out the study so that we can move Lamia in there and leave the smaller, closer room for the n00b. I find I am feeling a little guilty at the uprooting that Lamia is going to go through. She has been so much the center, the focus, of our lives for the past 21 months. She comes before all else, and she knows it. The kid chucks a tantrum if she brings me a book to read to her and I tell her I will do it in 2 minutes. How on earth is this little girl, who has been so doted on, going to handle…

• A confession

  Brad

  21 Apr 2009 | 8:51 am

  I have been trying to decide what to with this blog. I no longer write here very often. Partly because when I do take the time to write something of substance, I have to deal with it being picked to pieces. Which is OK, that is why I write it in a public environment. But at the same time it is disheartening because even people who are supposed to be on “my side” take exception to my comments on occasion. If I am not even understood by those who should understand me best, obviously I am not writing well enough and thereby making matters worse. So, I closed the blog for awhile. And…

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  Production, Not Reproduction

• No Yes Inspiration Obsession

  Heather

  20 Nov 2009 | 11:13 am

  I've seen this meme floating around and it somehow seems just right on this windy Friday... Saying no to: Feeling grumpy Letting people down Watching burn-out creep in Saying yes to: Taking the time I need to finish things Being braver. Just a wee bit. Baking as much as I want, without apology Giddy about: Homemade Thanksgiving pies Firefly's laugh Warm, toasty waffles Scared of: Not being able to hold all the pieces together All the possible endings for a loved one in crisis Doing the wrong thing The bugs which shall not be named but rhyme with dockpoaches Deeply inspired by: Beautiful prose…

• EnviroMom Meatless Supper Club: Southwestern Corn & Potato Soup

  Heather

  18 Nov 2009 | 11:55 pm

  This week we tried a new soup recipe from my beloved uber-healthy vegetarian cookbook. Because when it gets cloudy and windy like it has the last several days, I start craving soup. I was intrigued by this recipe for a Southwestern corn soup that incorporated sweet potato, so I thought we'd give it a whirl. I've put up a picture but...it's chunky yellow soup. There's no way my meager photography skills could make it look like anything but the subject of my four-year old's potty humor. You'll have to trust me when I say it tasted far better than it looks in the photo. The results: We liked it!

• Open Adoption Roundtable #10

  Heather

  17 Nov 2009 | 11:46 am

  The Open Adoption Roundtable is a series of occasional writing prompts about open adoption. It's designed to showcase of the diversity of thought and experience in the open adoption community. You don't need to be part of the Open Adoption Bloggers list to participate, or even be in a traditional open adoption. If you're thinking about openness in adoption, you have a place at the table. Publish your response during the next two weeks--linking back here so we can all find one other--and leave a link to your post in the comments. If you don't blog, you can always leave your thoughts directly…

• Developments

  Heather

  13 Nov 2009 | 1:20 am

  We've had an interesting--and unexpected--series of emails this week. Someone in Firefly's extended family, on her birth dad's side, reached out to us through the adoption agency. To understand why they were so unexpected, you should know that Kevin chose not to tell anyone in his family about Firefly until over a year after her birth and placement. From the accounts of it that reached us, his disclosure had just the effect he intended: there was an immediate explosion of fury directed at anyone who had anything to do with Firefly's life or adoption. The emotions ricocheted around and…

• EnviroMom Meatless Supper Club: Udon Noodles with Bok Choy

  Heather

  11 Nov 2009 | 10:33 pm

  This is Heather's husband, Todd.   She is feeling very ill right now, but not because of these noodles. She woke up last night---well, you don't need any details.   She has commissioned me to post this photo and recipe on her blog. I thought they tasted great. I had three servings and Firefly ate them like crazy. She eats most things well. Puppy was a bit hesitant, but finished his plate. When Heather called them peanut butter noodles he seemed to be more open. As we can not use cheese due to Firefly's milk sensitivity, peanut butter has become a go-to protein source.   So…

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  Parents for Ethical Adoption Reform (PEAR)

• DOS Adoption Notice: CDC Recommendations Relating to Intercountry Adoption, Hepatitis

  PEAR

  19 Nov 2009 | 1:15 pm

  DOS Notice for Intercountry Adoptions:CDC and Prevention RecommendationsNovember 18, 2009On Hepatitis A Vaccinations and Hepatitis B ScreeningThe Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) now recommends hepatitis A immunization for household members (including babysitters or anyone who anticipates close personal contact) with arriving intercountry adoptees from countries where hepatitis A is prevalent. For more information from the CDC click on: Updated Recommendations from the Advisory Committee on Immunization Practices (ACIP) for Use of Hepatitis A Vaccine in Close Contacts of Newly…

• Results of POSitive Study-Mental Health, Faith-based and school-based sections

  PEAR

  16 Nov 2009 | 6:55 am

  Mental HealthPartial results are as follows. Thirty-four percent of respondents had their child screened or used mental health or attachment services. Of those, 86 percent pursued this based on their own assessment and 19 percent had a primary care doctor recommend it.Of those using mental health services (multiple professionals sometimes were selected), 42 percent used a psychologist with attachment expertise, 39 percent used a social worker with attachment expertise, 29 percent used a psychologist with no attachment expertise, 25 percent used an educational psychologist, 23 percent used a…

• Where is the JCICS Ethiopia Report?

  PEAR

  12 Nov 2009 | 5:48 am

  According to information posted on the JCICS website, a team undertook a fact-finding mission to Ethiopia from October 2-October 9, 2009.This mission was partly in response to allegations made by an investigative television show in Australia called “Fly Away Children” about improprieties, trafficking, and "harvesting" of non-orphans from Ethiopia to the US. http://www.abc.net.au/foreign/content/2009/s2686908.htm . One JCICS member agency, Christian World Adoptions (CWA), bore the brunt of the allegations in this program. It is worth noting that the CEO of CWA, Tomilee Harding, lists…

• Results of POSitive Study -Financial, International Adoption Clinic and Early Intervention Sections

  PEAR

  9 Nov 2009 | 7:38 am

  FinancialFinancial planning for expected and unexpected post-adoption issues (health- and education–related) and trusts have been a frustration for some adoptive parents. We asked if agencies, social workers or attorneys provided information prior or after adopting. Twenty-three percent discussed financial planning or trusts prior to adopting with their adoption professional and two percent afterwards. Eighty-eight percent received financial services from their own resources and six percent were unable to get their desired financial services.Sixty-three percent currently feel that they do…

• 5 Nov 2009 | 1:13 pm

  PEAR

  5 Nov 2009 | 1:13 pm

  Ukraine Adoption Alert U.S. DEPARTMENT OF STATEBureau of Consular AffairsOffice of Children’s Issues Dear Members of the American Adoption Community:On November 3, 2009, Ukraine’s central adoption authority, the State Department for Adoption and Protection of the Rights of the Child (SDAPRC) informed the U.S. Embassy in Kyiv that it was suspending the issuances of referrals for both Ukrainian and foreign adoptive parents to visit Ukrainian orphanages due to the increased incidence of H1N1 in Ukraine. According to this notice, no prospective adoptive parents (either Ukrainian or from other…

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  제인 정의 블로그 Jane's blog

• On and Beyond Korean Adoption

  jjtrenka

  13 Nov 2009 | 4:34 am

  Lee Herrick’s guest edited edition of Asian American Poetry and Writing is out. My contribution is an interview with Jennifer Kwon Dobbs and Sun Yung Shin. There’s also an excerpt from Fugitive Visions in it, and here is another different excerpt of FV from Korean Adoption Studies Journal. Enjoy.

• Blogging at Conducive

  jjtrenka

  3 Nov 2009 | 5:38 pm

  I started blogging at Conducive in an effort to reach a wider audience. I’ll still post things here, but I’ll also direct you over to Conducive for some articles. Cruise on over now to read my new article and see a photo of my birthmother mother. What does “Gotcha” mean? November is National Adoption Month. What would such a celebration of adoption, whether in the U.S. or another country, mean to my Korean birthmother? At the time my mother became a “birthmother,” I was six months old, and my sister was four years old. Because she passed away about nine years ago, I will…

• Nothing About Us Without Us

  jjtrenka

  26 Oct 2009 | 8:50 am

  Do you believe that access to medical information is important for all people, including adoptees and the children of adoptees? Are you a Korean adoptee who believes that you should have a say in the laws that Korea makes about the lives of existing adoptees and future adoptees? Would you like fair laws to govern the birthfamily search process? Do believe that unwed Korean mothers should be educated and supported in keeping their own children? If you said “yes” to any of these questions, you may be interested in what is happening this fall in Seoul with the revisions of Korea’s adoption…

• Domestic Adoption in Korea

  jjtrenka

  1 Oct 2009 | 7:25 pm

  Despite a lot of positive publicity, domestic adoption is actually going DOWN, very steadily, in South Korea. The government should use its funds to support single moms in raising their children whom they love, and who have a home already — not promote domestic adoption.  Check out the statistics at http://justicespeaking.wordpress.com/2009/10/02/domestic-vs-overseas-korean-adoption/

• Chuseok is not Thanksgiving.

  jjtrenka

  1 Oct 2009 | 3:49 am

  I had a new essay published in Korean in Pressian, and I put the original English on the TRACK blog here: http://justicespeaking.wordpress.com/2009/09/28/갔다-올께/

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  The Daily Bastardette

• ABC NEWS LOOKING FOR ADOPTEES: DISCRIMINATION

  BD

  19 Nov 2009 | 7:38 pm

  From Bastardette's Mailbox:A reporter is looking for domestic adoptees who have experienced adoption-related discrimination and bias that carried over into adulthood. If anyone fits this description and is interested in talking to the media about it, please contact the reporter directly at:Susan Donaldson JamesReporter/ProducerABCNews.com7 W. 66th St., 2nd FloorNew York, N.Y. 10023212-456-4875 (office)609-529-0268 (cell)This may be related to the report the Evan B. Donaldson released today. When I get around to reading it, I may have something to say. Maybe not. You can find the Executive…

• ADOPTION IS A FEMINIST ISSUE: DAWN FRIEDMAN TAKES ON THE NATIONAL COUNCIL FOR ADOPTION

  BD

  18 Nov 2009 | 8:32 pm

  Hey, Bastardette's friend, BEA (Buckeyes for Equal Accss) stalwart, and blogger Dawn Friedman takes the National Council for Adoption to task big time in BITCH today! Adopt-ation: A feminist take on the state of the adoption industry (NOTE TO DAWN: How can Bastardette pitch to BITCH!)Here's a couple snips (NOTE: go to the original to download her links. Some aren't working with this format)The NCFA is so all about adoption that they commonly speak out against the rights of adopted people to make their point. Their fight against the open records movement, (which argues that adult adopted…

• UK FLIM-FLAM: THE FERTILITY SHOW

  BD

  17 Nov 2009 | 8:07 pm

  The November 12. 2009 London Daily Mail offers us a a glimpse of England's first-ever "fertility show" with Claudia Connell's cleverly titled, There's one born every minute...We know we're in for a first class tour as soon as Claudia walks through the gate:Stepping into the huge exhibition hall at London Olympia, I haven't had time to look at my programme guide before I'm approached by a young American woman carrying a clipboard and dressed like an air hostess.'Hi, good to see you. Are you ready to discuss your fertility options?' she asks, dazzling me with her megawatt smile. Before I can…

• MORE FILM--THAT HAGAN GIRL: YOU THINK YOU'VE GOT PROBLEMS. BE GLAD YOU'RE NOT MARY!

  BD

  16 Nov 2009 | 2:35 pm

  Bastardette is short on time today, but we need to plow through Adoption NaBloPoMo so we're cobbling together another film clip. This time, That Hagan Girl, (1947) one of Bastardette's all-time favorite bastard films.The film is hard to find. As far as I know it has never been released on video or DVD, but it shows up on TCM occasionally. Several years ago I was given a bootleg copy as a Christmas present. Due to its scarcity, and my inability to watch it, I previously wrote about the film secondhand, based on what critics had said at the time of release. I also used comments by its stars…

• THE GREAT LIE. THE GREAT CAT FIGHT. ONE OF MY FAVORITE ADOPTION FILMS

  BD

  15 Nov 2009 | 2:35 pm

  The Great Lie is one of Bastardette's favorite adoption films. What's not to like about a good old-fashioned Hollywood cat fight? Especially when its between inconveniently pregnant career woman of mature years with a butch haircut "Sandra," and softly coiffed Maryland horse farmer of pap entitlement, "Maggie?"My initial viewing of the film about 25 years ago, pre-bastard consciousness, put me squarely on the side of Davis' pappery and amommery. I mean, are we really supposed to root for somebody who prefers Tschiakovsky over motherhood? When I watched the film again in the mid-1990s, I'd…

• 
  Joy's Division

• November is not my favorite month.

  joy21

  17 Nov 2009 | 11:02 pm

  Not by a long shot. I may be quiet for a while.

• Blogging: In Public

  joy21

  13 Nov 2009 | 10:35 pm

  My mother is not reading my blog anymore. She would rather have the relationship with me in real time than react to my blog posts. After the blog I made about the painting that upset her so, which I can understand, but a lot of good came out of. Particularly from Kim.Kim’s comments, which we both appreciated, Kim. Kim is a treasure. Still, I think I understand. I used to read my sister’s blog, the daughter that my mom raised. I liked it. I didn’t read it for very long, and I couldn’t find it if I tried now, so don’t even ask. I didn’t read it for nearly as…

• We Deserve an Apology

  joy21

  6 Nov 2009 | 10:52 am

  We do. This occurred to me yesterday for the first time really. I was having a discussion about compromise with a large powerful religious organization who is anti-adoptee rights to our own personal information. I started in my normal calm way of thinking and discussing this matter. I was going to point out that we are not “partners” in this with the Catholics, you know this isn’t an agreement that we made with them and we have to give a little and they have to give a little . We are not partners with a common goal. We don’t have to be fair or consider them. ( I…

• Adoption Pictures?

  joy21

  29 Oct 2009 | 9:04 pm

  I noticed they are having a new carnival at Grown in my Heart. I have read many of the entries. I have become kind of fascinated in spite of myself on the different entries, for the different topics. If for nothing else, it demonstrates how differently people can see the same situation. The latest is your favorite “adoption picture”. My first response is what? Adoption picture? What is an adoption picture? I have pictures of my ancestors, I have pictures of my adopted ancestors, who influenced me as well. Their customs, personalities, heritage made an influence on my sense of self…

• Listen to this if you can and tell me at what point you figure out the kid is adopted

  joy21

  26 Oct 2009 | 8:40 pm

  Is it at ‘he was a difficult child’ http://www.kqed.org/epArchive/R910261000 ‘I took notes in the hospital while he was in ICU figuring I could write an article’ ‘I had no maternal feelings and tried to intellectualize motherhood’ Oh and the beeeeeeeeyoooootiful smug, precious, ‘I am a writer an intellectual and all and somehow completely missed that tabula rasa is centuries out dated concept, the baby wasn’t a lump of clay after all–who knew?” The other distubing thing is I have more than likely been. nice. to. her. face. That was…

• 
  Kimchi Mamas

• BANANA

  Kimchi

  19 Nov 2009 | 3:39 pm

  Please join Julie as she represents the Kimchi Mamas at BANANA, an Asian/Pacific American blogger symposium, at USC on Saturday. Date: Saturday, November 21, 2009 Time: 3:00pm - 6:00pm Location: University of Southern California (USC) Street: University Park Campus, Taper...

• Forms of Torture at Korean Hair Salons

  Kimchi

  19 Nov 2009 | 2:50 pm

  The comments in the last post inspired me to write this post. =) Korean hair salons (at least the ones I've been to in the LA area) have some fancy smancy forms of torture. Have you ever had to endure...

• I like myself just how I am, I think?

  Kimchi

  17 Nov 2009 | 1:33 pm

  So, I have some extra time to myself this week while my daughter is spending some time with her dad. The plan: haircut! I haven't gotten my hair cut in over six months. My last hairdresser said something about "oriental...

• Sign the Petition for Na Young

  Kimchi

  15 Nov 2009 | 9:39 pm

  I was absolutely horrified just now to read this article via a comment by one of our readers. In Seoul, Korea, Na Young (pseudonym), an eight year old girl, was kidnapped, brutally beaten, strangled, raped, and tortured and left to...

• Open Thread Thursday

  Kimchi

  11 Nov 2009 | 11:00 pm

  The POWER of Arirang! And now the symposium to prove it!! Conflict at sea! It's Open Thread Thursday . . . What's on YOUR mind? --The Kimchi Mamas

• 
  We all come from 'Seoul'

• Lemonade for Heidi and Bo and Laurits

  Brit Sung Kyung Kim

  14 Nov 2009 | 3:35 am

  The Lemonade is given to someone special and dear, who takes the sour and bitter in life and adds sugar - turning it into lemonade - against all odds (as Betsy has taught me).I am passing on this blogger acknowledgement to my dear friend, H, who was pregnant - for 3 weeks..but the "door" didn't open this time. Only 7 days ago, I celebrated the new little seed with her and her husbond, we had dinner, laughing, joking and I always just loves their company. I left their place with a warmth and happiness in me for them, yet, feeling how fragile the moment is.. seeing the joy of being pregnant in…

• Korean Sam-Go-Mu in Shakiras new song

  Brit Sung Kyung Kim

  1 Nov 2009 | 9:59 am

  "Inside-outs" from Korean Danish Adoptee, Copenhagen-based on adoption, identity and modern spirituality

• Live and let live... or speak up ?

  Brit Sung Kyung Kim

  20 Jun 2009 | 3:57 am

  The reason behind my posting today is that nowadays, the Korean government and volounteer organizations have grown stronger and increased an heightened awareness and understanding of the strong and capable international adoptees society. The official Korea wishes to create network and welcoming home programs to support the large number of grown up adoptees, who travel back to Korea for the first time. Students, who can't easily find 7.000 DKK for plane tickets and 5.000 DKK for lodging etc. are the target group for these programmes. This chance should be informed via proper channels and…

• Stay tuned..

  Brit Sung Kyung Kim

  18 Jun 2009 | 2:53 pm

  And then came February, March, April, May and June... organizing, meetings, delegations, articles, World Business Summit delegation, OECD Green IT conference in Helsingoer, "Engle og Daemoner" at the cinema, Tante T visits..multiple visits :), Saturdays with nieces in Botanical Gardens, remembering my grandmother and the special key she had, being an artist/painter which allowed her to enter the gardens and paint anytime (mind you my grandmother lived to be 102 years old.. so, she was born before the turn of the last century when the Botanical Gardens weren't open to the public), birthday…

• Hwayobi - even better than Alicia Keys .. if I may say so ^^

  Brit Sung Kyung Kim

  21 Feb 2009 | 1:39 pm

  "Inside-outs" from Korean Danish Adoptee, Copenhagen-based on adoption, identity and modern spirituality

• 
  omegamom.com

• China trips

  omegamom

  19 Nov 2009 | 11:55 pm

  Instant negotiation mode:  Anyone who has been a parent can recognize that.  It’s when the child asks for something, and you give an answer that isn’t what that child wants, and the child immediately starts pushing the boundary back.  It’s how “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” gets magically re-arranged into “yes” in a child’s mind.  It’s how “next Saturday” becomes “tomorrow” when there’s talk of a friend coming over, or “one piece of candy after dinner” turns…

• Under pressure

  omegamom

  18 Nov 2009 | 11:44 pm

  November keeps going, and I keep posting.  But by this point in time, it starts dragging.  I open up the blogging software and stare at a blank page, thinking, “There must be something interesting to blog about!” Oh, there is. I have my little list of questions to answer, from earlier in the month.  There’s still the “did you ever think of a sibling for OmegaDotter?” and the “There are people who deliberately cut off the culture of heritage?!?!” questions. There’s also the comments on my “Dear Diary” post, which I do…

• Pets. Who needs them.

  omegamom

  17 Nov 2009 | 11:30 pm

  I’m very tired. I’ve spent the day putting small amounts of medicated water into the beak of a very very sick chicken, who wasn’t eating and wasn’t drinking. And now I have to wrap up a dead chicken and figure out what to do with her. Then I have to figure out how to let the dotter know that yet another of our pets has died. Somewhere in there, I want to go to bed and sleep for days. Chickens may be dumb clucks, but they have personalities and character.  Sarafina was a very sweet bird.

• Off to quarantine…

  omegamom

  16 Nov 2009 | 11:17 pm

  …Goes one of our chickens.  She’s been coughing and pretty languid for a couple of days; when we checked the chickens this evening, she had a bloody nose. Dr. Google didn’t help.  But after some digging, the only things I could find that produce a bloody nostril discharge in chickens were avian influenza (ack!) and a piece by the USDA that said “serious avian disease”. I was meaning to respond to some comments made by new readers to my post Dear Diary, but that will have to wait.  (Thanks to TonguMom for the link!)  Time to go out into the 17…

• Fantasy gem #1

  omegamom

  16 Nov 2009 | 12:18 am

  Long ago and far away, when I was a teen-seguing-into-young-adult, I worked downtown in Chicago.  A block away from my office was Carson Pirie Scott & Co. (…sigh…), there were glamorous stores galore on State Street, and half a block away was the wondrousness that was Kroch’s & Brentano’s bookstore.  The paperback books were downstairs, and the science fiction area was tucked away in the back righthand corner.  It was a glorious spot for me to hang out in on rainy or snowy days, either during lunch hour or after work. For a few years, I noticed a…

• 
  Weebles Wobblog

• Show & Tell: Better off red

  Lavender Luz

  18 Nov 2009 | 3:00 pm

  The kids were both in school but Roger and I had Veteran's Day off. So we had a date in our city.After lunch (which included acai sangria), we strolled over three of Denver's bridges toward downtown. On the way, we found this:Photo by Jeffrey Beall (his is better than mine).National Velvet is by artist John McEnroe (not the tennis player, I presume). The sculpture was dedicated a year ago

• Perfect Moment Monday: Win-Win Wars

  Lavender Luz

  15 Nov 2009 | 11:01 pm

  Perfect Moment Monday is about noticing a perfect moment rather than creating one. Perfect moments can be momentous or ordinary or somewhere in between.Once a week we engage in mindfulness about something that is right with our world. Everyone is welcome to join. Details on how to participate are at the bottom of this post, complete with bloggy bling.Please visit the links of the participants at

• Shout Out Sunday: Wild Women of the Universe!

  Lavender Luz

  15 Nov 2009 | 11:51 am

  Melissa at Full Circle recently started Shout Out Sundays:Choose a blog that has moved you. A daily must read. One you stalk. One that makes you laugh, cry or scream at the monitor. A new one you would like to give exposure to. Someone you would like to introduce to your readers and send a warm fuzzy while you're at it.Write your post and add your link over at the love fest at Full Circle.Here's

• Hotel Rwanda and open adoption parenting

  Lavender Luz

  13 Nov 2009 | 6:00 am

• Show & Tell: Tatt Two

  Lavender Luz

  11 Nov 2009 | 4:00 pm

  We spent last weekend in Colorado Springs with 19 extended family members. Seventeen of them cheered at the Air Force/Army game (for the away team). But Tessa and I headed to nearby Manitou Springs for some girlie-girl time.Manitou Springs is an earthy, small mountain town with an inviting personality. Tessa and I window shopped along the main street, played with toys in the toy store, sat on

• 
  Drama 2B Mama

• "Brilliant Debut"

  Lavender Luz

  20 Nov 2009 | 6:00 am

  (April, 2001) -- The most popular song that spring is U2’s Beautiful Day. And the front page, top-of-the-fold headline in the Rocky Mountain News is “Brilliant Debut.” It may be referring to the Colorado Rockies’ season opener, but for us it will always be about our first child’s birth.Crystal allows us to be in the delivery room with her. I get to “help” by holding a leg, and Roger does

• Would you like some cookie dough with your epidural?

  Lavender Luz

  18 Nov 2009 | 6:00 am

  (April, 2001) -- I pray that raw eggs won’t harm the baby, because Crystal and I have just put a large dent in a batch of chocolate chip cookie dough, which I made in her mother's kitchen while she endured sporadic contractions. The eating of said dough either causes or coincides with stronger and more frequent contractions. It it is now rush hour, and finally time to head for the hospital.We’d

• The mother of all wake-up calls

  Lavender Luz

  16 Nov 2009 | 6:00 am

  (April, 2001) -- Just a few days after we meet Crystal, I step out of the shower to a ringing phone.“I think this baby is coming today,” Crystal says. She’s been having contractions for several hours, even though the due date isn’t for two more weeks.Ohmygosh, ohmygosh, ohmygosh is all I can think. I tell Crystal I have to go in to work just to wrap up a few things. Roger has already left for

• We're Number Two! We're Number Two!

  Lavender Luz

  13 Nov 2009 | 6:00 am

  (March, 2001) -- We were not Crystal's first choice.Crystal invites us to a doctor’s appointment and to meet her son -- obviously the love of her life. Tyler, 4 years old, is wearing a dinosaur shirt and carrying a toy dinosaur in each hand.Crystal and Tyler are very respectful and loving toward each other, and I can see that she’s provided for him all the important things in abundance. He is a

• Agony

  Lavender Luz

  11 Nov 2009 | 6:00 am

  (March, 2001) -- I am euphoric over our meeting with Crystal, the expectant mother who has tentatively chosen us to parent her baby. It’s the sensation of new love, and the expression “walking on air” is apt. We’re going to have a baby!! Maybe. Every wave of happiness and hope must be tempered with caution.Crystal said she'll call us tomorrow.So beginning that day, I check for messages every hour

• 
  Therapy Is Expensive

• He knows…but he doesn’t know

  therapyisexpensive

  9 Nov 2009 | 5:28 pm

  This weekend I had a first date with Mohawk.  On the surface he doesn’t seem like my type AT ALL but we will definately be seeing eachother again and so far I kinda like him.  So why am I bringing my data drama here from the other blog? Because he asked if I had kids.  And I said, “yes I have a son but he lives in [faraway state].” But I didn’t say anything about adoption. And then he asked if I see him and I said, “I see him as often as I can which obviously isn’t often enough and thank god for internet and telephones” But I didn’t mention…

• Open Adoption Roundtable 9:

  therapyisexpensive

  4 Nov 2009 | 10:01 pm

  I’ve missed/avoided/ignored the last two OAR writing prompts for various reasons but am jumping back into the discussion with with this one.  Heather posted it today and I’ve been thinking about it every since reading it from my phone while I’m sure I was supposed to be doing something productive today. This round we’re going to consider one critique of fully open adoptions. Have you ever heard–or perhaps even made–statements like these? “We have medical histories and can share the information we have about their birth parents with our children now.

• I Used To Be Able To Sleep

  therapyisexpensive

  2 Nov 2009 | 10:52 am

  I used to be a heavy sleeper.  I slept through alarm clocks, through storms, through earthquakes. Momma took pride that when I was little she could vacuum under my bed while I slept and I wouldn’t even budge.  But after I gave birth that changed.  I became a super light sleeper.  The day I got home from the hospital the slightest noise would wake me and I would think I had heard my baby cry.  Made even more ridiculous because I knew he was 3000 miles away.  Its been over 8 years and still I am woken by the slightest noise. I have roommates.  If I fall asleep at 11 and then…

• I Do It To Myself

  therapyisexpensive

  19 Oct 2009 | 4:07 pm

  I am one of three members of WA-CARE (thats Washington Coalition for Adoptee Rights and Equality) who will be meeting with a state legislator next Tuesday.  We hope this legislator will sponsor a bill re-instating access for adult adoptees to their original birth certificates. My MSW Capstone project about First Mother Disenfranchised Grief (delving deeper into my project from last quarter). My Child Youth and Family Policy Project is about OBC access (delving deeper into what I learned from last winter/spring’s research project and piggybacking on my work with the coalition). Its my…

• Could it be?

  therapyisexpensive

  12 Oct 2009 | 9:06 am

  I quite possibly may be part of a meeting with a state legislator at the end of the month when a coalition I’m involved with attempts to find a sponsor for an bill that would reinstate adult adoptee rights to their OBCs. I am crossing my fingers and holding my breath.

• 
  singout

• Scarlet Alphabet

  jmomma

  11 Nov 2009 | 11:26 am

  Yesterday I was helping get a mailing out at the botanical garden where I volunteer weekly. There were 7 other people sitting around, two of which know the bare bones of my story. A woman who has been very open with me asked how many children I had altogether and I told her (and everyone else at the table) that I hadn’t raised my firstborn who was adopted. It was the first time I’d even met one of the people there. A ripple of silence went around. Then a woman with a strong leadership style said her friend in birdwatching group recently reunited with her “first…

• Mean/Grace

  jmomma

  5 Nov 2009 | 3:24 pm

  In loving, I don’t have to defend anything or attack anything. I fall out of that loving daily. I have put myself on “pause” and re calibrate.  What do I really want here? What does the other person want? Observing the challenges to my emotional experience, I am  learning.  Inhale, exhale, whoop I’m still here. Every experience is for growing and expanding. The purpose of my life is to turn all experience to good use.  This every other daily blogging thing is interesting.  Really what do I have to say?

• Oh, glory how happy I am

  jmomma

  2 Nov 2009 | 11:37 pm

  This being adoption month and nablopomo (or whatever) I’m inspired to keep my blog active with little tidbits. Back in November many long years ago I was living in a studio apt with my dearest friend and getting quite a big belly.  We were happy to stay home and teach ourselves to knit and listen to the Reverand Gary Davis.  Joy said she sang about being saved in the blood of the lamb.  When I googled it on youtube look who popped up! Perhaps she picked it up in the womb. Oh, glory how happy I am. Wait for it to load and skip ahead to about 2:20.

• A Sunday in October

  jmomma

  1 Nov 2009 | 11:07 am

  The previous post leaves a bad taste. I want to override it. So looking into unpublished drafts I found this, written just over a year ago. It’s something worth remembering. I keep telling myself I’m not going to argue.  I’m not going to get defensive.  And yet there I go defending and arguing time and again.  I argue.  I defend. Joy and I and Ezzy had a fine time on Sunday.  First, Ezzy took me to church with her friend, Mickie.  I called Joy when we went inside to let her know where we were.  I called again when we headed out to eat.  I kept looking back at the…

• Keep Looking

  jmomma

  31 Oct 2009 | 11:21 am

  Grown in My Hearts Adoption Carnival this month is about ‘treasured adoption photos’.  This is really hard for me to grasp. Treasured would be something I like, right? The only adoption photos I have are the poorly lit fuzzy polaroids taken of me holding Joy before signing the relinquishment papers. The best one went to her father. I wanted him to have some remembrance as he never saw her. I’ve been ashamed that that was the best I could do.  She was an absolutely beautiful baby, and fuzzy polaroids  didn’t do her justice.  They are the only photos. If there are no…

• 
  According To Addie

• Thanksgiving and Mother-in-Laws

  addiepray

  16 Nov 2009 | 12:38 pm

  My a-mom always plans her Thanksgiving dinner around Sharon.  Her name is always spoken with quiet reverence, and her wishes are always catered to.  She decides what time dinner will be, and the menu will consist of.  If  she has a last-minute change of plans, everything changes with her.  She is the determining factor in every decision about our Thanksgiving holiday. Who is this Sharon?  The matriarch of our family?  An aging relative whose presence is anticipated by all?  A celebrity who must fly in from great distances to join us? Nope.  She has never attended a…

• Adoption Insurance

  addiepray

  12 Nov 2009 | 9:01 am

  No longer available… http://www.adoptionassurance.com/home.aspx Makes one wonder why.  Well, not really.  Though I do wonder who’s bright idea this was in the first place. I don’t think you can insure against the actions of a specific person.  Unless they are an employee.  But then I suppose you’d have to form a corporation in order to adopt. Oh hell, that’s next.  Forming corporations in order to adopt.  Sounds all warm and fuzzy and rainbow farty, doesn’t it.  Adopted by a corporation. I’m still searching to see if extended child warranties…

• Sacred Cow Tipping and True Crime

  addiepray

  10 Nov 2009 | 8:59 am

  I made the mistake of discussing adoption with one of the uninitiated recently.  I always do that, you’d think that I would have learned by now.  Anyway, after I related some of my experiences she remarked that it sounds something more like  a true crime story than the fuzzy wuzzy experience of adoption. No shit, Sherlock. She seemed to think that instead of bringing up all of the things that are wrong with adoption, and how adoptees are perceived we should be looking for answers and comfort. Again, no shit. Answers and comfort would be wonderful.  Folks having a complete…

• Wolves, Lakes, Fear, and Boobs

  addiepray

  5 Nov 2009 | 8:08 am

  Overheard, “Lakes are like boobs, if you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all.”  This prompted by a print of wolves by lake.  A print that will be given away.  A print that my husband is in danger of winning, even though he didn’t agree with the commenter’s observation about boobs. Just another reason to live in fear.  What would I do with a print of five wolves (my husband counted them) by a lake?  I can’t put it in a garage sale, somebody that knows we won it would see it.  I can’t re-gift it.  My family has decided to not give gifts…

• National Adoption Month

  addiepray

  2 Nov 2009 | 10:51 am

  Yep, it’s that time of year again.  Right after Halloween, and before the holidays get cranked up.  How I love it. BTW, about Halloween, a good half of my trick-or-treaters were taller than me, and I’m not a short woman.  What is up with that? So kids, what should we do for Adoption Month?  Any ideas?  I see Bethany Christian Services has already won the Demons of Adoption award, that’s a start.  How about we all get together and TP them? I’m taking any suggestions.

• 
  Finding Jane Doe

• Pointing out the Obvious

  phil

  19 Nov 2009 | 8:59 pm

  There are some things I can't let go. When someone passes off crummy rhetoric as a competent argument, I have to point it out. Today, in my Google alert on adoption, I received the following article, apparently from a news website focused on Northern Arizona. In it, the author links adoption to being anti-abortion. This is, as nearly any adoptee can tell you, incredibly problematic. But before we even get to the crummy adoption part, we have to wade through the crummy anti-abortion part.Adoption is solution to abortion issue: The first excuse given is the most common: A woman should have…

• Holding My Tongue

  phil

  18 Nov 2009 | 7:44 pm

  Should I have said something? I don't know. I was with some students tonight. I am the advisor for a student organization and we were playing a game. One of the students got a text from her father. And a couple of the students joked that he was telling her she was adopted.I stayed quiet. It was a joke. And no one seemed to be saying anything nasty. But I didn't really understand why they thought it was funny. They are students. They are young and say a lot of things that they don't think about first. They don't know I'm adopted. They don't know what it means to me, how it has affected me. It…

• Adoptee Rights: Louisville, KY - July 25, 2010

  phil

  17 Nov 2009 | 1:45 pm

  Just this morning, I realized that I have let way too much time go by without either saying anything about the Adoptee Rights Demonstration or, at the very least, updating the badge in the right-hand column. I need to correct that failure now.On July 25, 2010 adoptees and their supporters will gather in Louisville, Kentucky for the purpose of demonstrating on behalf of the rights of adoptees. The demonstration is organized to coordinate with annual conference for state legislators. This is an opportunity to raise awareness of discrimination faced by adoptees and help work towards legislation…

• Profiting from Adoption Loss

  phil

  16 Nov 2009 | 7:43 pm

  So we've had The Locator on television for awhile now. And it looks like ABC will premier Find My Family next week. Both are shows that seek to reunite families that have lost contact. In many cases (though I gather, from what I've heard of The Locator, not always) these are families that have been broken up by adoption. So now we get the feel good reunion stories.I feel torn. I am glad that these families are being reunited. I'm glad that good reunion stories are out there in public, as it may gain supporters for adoptee rights.But it just doesn't feel right. Search and reunion are so…

• Pathologizing

  phil

  15 Nov 2009 | 7:00 pm

  One of the things I worry about in talking about issues in adoption, particularly my issues, is that I'm going to over-pathologize adoption. I do think that adoption harms children. I think its harm is real, describable, and something to avoid. But I do not think that adoptees are irreparably broken. I do not think we are damaged goods. Adoptees are some of the strongest people I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. They are resourceful. They deal with adversity, and they fight for what they believe in. They are competent, functioning, and contributing members of society. They are not…

• 
  Baby Love Child

• Adoption as a modern Feminist institutional blindspot

  Baby Love Child

  19 Nov 2009 | 10:50 am

  Well here’s something you don’t see everyday. Bitch Magazine* saw fit to include a commentary criticizing the industry from a Feminist perspective, written by adoptive mother Dawn Friedman. See “Adopt-ation: A feminist take on the state of the adoption industry.” Marley/Bastardette has written her own blog post, ADOPTION IS A FEMINIST ISSUE: DAWN FRIEDMAN TAKES ON THE NATIONAL COUNCIL FOR ADOPTION, about the commentary, pointing out one of the core weaknesses of the Friedman piece, that of attempting to place adoption into a “reproductive rights”…

• Mexico- arrests in stolen babies cases and a mother and child reunited

  Baby Love Child

  7 Nov 2009 | 8:43 pm

  So many people like to think the days of newborns being stolen under the guise of telling women their babies died are long past. They’re not. Such tactics are as close as this week’s headlines: Doctors, five others held in Mexican stolen babies case Here is a brief excerpt- Mexican authorities have arrested three doctors, a nurse and a receptionist accused of stealing newborns at a private hospital and selling them, the Mexico City attorney general’s office says. A married couple and a woman also were arrested on charges that they bought two newborn girls and registered them…

• Vital Readings in Bastard History: The Black Market, Sealed Records, and the role of the 1945 Illinois Adoption Act

  Baby Love Child

  5 Nov 2009 | 12:01 pm

  Bastard Grannie Annie has been researching sealed records history in Illinois and how such merely provided a new mechanism for continuing Illinois’ long and ugly history of black market adoptions. Her blog post is an important brief overview of some of the IL history, and a vital backgrounder. Black Market, 1945 Illinois Adoption Act & Sealed Records Illinois: a Black Market Haven

• Catholic Charities offers up another lifetime’s worth of lies and false “reunion”

  Baby Love Child

  12 Oct 2009 | 7:51 am

  As time allows, I hope to do some writing around this Baltimore Sun article that just hit. For the moment, I merely wanted to point readers at the article itself. Three decades after adoption, DNA test reveals painful truth More than three decades after Ryba and Butler gave up their baby son to Catholic Charities of Trenton, N.J., for adoption, and four years after the agency facilitated their “reunion” with Bloete, genetic testing revealed last year that none of them are related. Lisa Thibault, a spokeswoman for Catholic Charities of Trenton, acknowledged that the situation is…

• *UPDATED* Un”safe haven:” dead baby found inside hospital, “about 100 feet” from the hospital’s dumpbox

  Baby Love Child

  2 Oct 2009 | 9:50 pm

  For those who insist a “safe haven” babydump box in every hospital would ensure their mythical ‘no dead babies,’ think again. Case in point? Glendale, AZ, where a 15 year old gave birth in the hospital bathroom, leaving a baby boy in the bathroom trash can, “about 100 feet from a Safe Haven” dumpbox. (first reported September 30th.) Newborn found dead in Glendale hospital bathroom Glendale police are investigating a baby found dead in a hospital, allegedly in a trash can. The baby was found on Saturday in the emergency room at Banner Thunderbird Hospital,…

• 
  omommawrites.com

• Little Reminders: Where I Would Be Now

  Leah

  18 Nov 2009 | 5:05 pm

  I keep opening my mail box and being reminded that I’m not pregnant. Somehow I’m on various mailing list that assumee that I’m still pregnant. I mean, I guess I can’t expect companies magically to know which people on mailing lists haven’t made it through the pregnancy, but, it’s still gives me a little kick to [...]

• What I Do Alot Now-A-Days

  Leah

  15 Nov 2009 | 9:43 am

  Drink tea. While I write a paper. Drive to school. Snuggle my little girl (who steals a sip or two).  Eat breakfast. Catch up on blog readings. Read emails . Even while we viewed a piece of land yesterday (!). I heart tea. Me and tea, we go way back, and the bonds are everlasting. And? I can [...]

• Not the Holidays Without Tiny Prints

  Leah

  6 Nov 2009 | 8:58 am

  Can you believe it’s already November already? The holidays are quickly approaching and like I said last year, sending out Holiday cards is one of my favorite ways to kick of the holiday season.  This year, we’re again using Tiny Prints for our cards (this was our card last year). I simply love this company, [...]

• Real Motherhood: It Ain’t Always Nice

  Leah

  30 Oct 2009 | 7:56 pm

  I’m starting to think there are certain stages of childhood that different parents can “do” better. Have you ever heard of that? I have some where before, and it’s certainly ringing true right now. My ideal stage in parenthood? Babies. I can do the baby stage quite well. I feel like I was made to spend [...]

• Furniture Inspiration

  Leah

  29 Oct 2009 | 7:04 pm

  With a lot of the house talk Mark and I have been doing lately, of course it’s made me think about decorating our future house.  I’ve always loved the idea of design, I even wanted to be an interior designer for about two years of my life. But now, I have this fear when I [...]

• 
  Land of the Not-So-Calm

• Is the Spence-Chapin Logo Racist?

  Sang-Shil

  16 Nov 2009 | 11:53 am

  (or, “How NOT to Market Kids from Asia”) So here is the profile picture for the Spence-Chapin adoption agency on Facebook: Is anyone else getting a bad vibe (and by “bad,” I mean RACIST) from the so-called “coolie hat” on the kid on the right? Maybe the folks at Spence-Chapin are somehow unaware that many Asian-Americans find these [...]

• Forever Young (and Other Rants)

  Sang-Shil

  10 Nov 2009 | 5:47 am

  ***Did you read the post title?  You have been warned…*** This is not a post about the report itself  (sorry, no link).  Or the content, or the conclusions, or the potential impact, or really anything meaningful at all. It’s about the cover. The report itself, in the Executive Summary, boasts of turning to “the experts: adult adoptees”.  Wow, [...]

• Front Page?

  Sang-Shil

  9 Nov 2009 | 5:42 am

  At this very moment, a story about adult adoptees is currently on the front page of the New York Times web page. It almost makes up for all that Relative Choices crap from 2 years ago. Almost. ******************************* The article highlights a study that supposedly says many of the things that adult adoptees have been saying for years — [...]

• Sometimes My Language Partners Make Me Cry

  Sang-Shil

  5 Nov 2009 | 6:34 pm

  I <3 my language partners. I never thought that I would have much to say to two guys who are almost 10 years younger than me, but oddly enough I do. Having a truly equitable language partner relationship that works effectively for both parties is tricky. It requires a close match not only in terms of skill [...]

• Good Luck, Ken

  Sang-Shil

  4 Nov 2009 | 7:53 am

  I have no idea who Ken Hill is, except that he is an adult domestic adoptee who is looking for his biological parents.  He writes: -Searching for biological parents -Male Adoptee: -Born May 2nd, 1970 at Virginia Mason in Seattle. -Weighed 4lbs, 9oz -Father was Senior in High School, ASB President, skilled in logic and debate. -Mother was Junior in High [...]

• 
  I Should Really Be Working....

• The Birthday Blues

  thanksgivingmom

  18 Nov 2009 | 12:12 pm

  No, this isn’t my contribution to the most recent Open Adoption Roundtable – which I will  write, just not yet. So if you’re looking for that, head on over here. This year the Birthday Blues have hit harder and sooner than usual. They swooped in to confuse me during a time where everything else is seemingly on track. Work is as good as can be expected, Long Board and I are doing well (despite our first big fight this weekend, but that’s another story), my new apartment is wonderful, and I still have fresh memories of Monaco floating in my head. But there’s this…

• New Open Adoption Roundtable!

  thanksgivingmom

  17 Nov 2009 | 12:17 pm

  No, not the one I just responded to with extreme tardiness! But a NEW new one – and it’s over on Production, Not Reproduction as always. The difference this time? I posted it I was incredibly honored when Heather asked me to be a guest poster for the OA Roundtable, and was very excited to be able to participate in this new way! SO, make sure you participate and I look forward to reading everyone’s contributions! (But then again, I always do!) The topic – birthdays! Hey, I never said that I kept things “simple!”

• Open Adoption Roundtable #9 – Insert Eye Roll Here

  thanksgivingmom

  17 Nov 2009 | 10:00 am

  Heather @ PNR posts: This round we’re going to consider one critique of fully open adoptions. Have you ever heard–or perhaps even made–statements like these? “We have medical histories and can share the information we have about their birth parents with our children now. If they feel a need to initiate contact with their birth families when they are adults, we will fully support them.” “The decision to have a relationship with her bio family should be hers when she is ready. Creating a relationship between them before she wants it might cause issues in the…

• I’m Back…..

  thanksgivingmom

  16 Nov 2009 | 1:16 pm

  ……and have overwhelmed myself with things that I want to write about, could potentially write about, should write about. Hence the taking a week since I got home to actually begin to write something. I’ve looked at the blank “new post” screen several times this past week, but couldn’t decide what topic would take precedence. Vacation rundown? Cupcake’s upcoming birthday? The visit that wasn’t? General adoption thoughts? New Long Board developments? My new apartment? I’m not used to not writing for nearly two weeks, so suffice it to say, my…

• Something To Think About While I’m Gone

  thanksgivingmom

  29 Oct 2009 | 9:18 am

  Well folks, I’m off on my long awaited vacation today! So there won’t be any updates here, as I don’t intend to be anywhere near a computer for the next week and a half (well, except to maybe shoot off a quick email to my Mom so that she knows I’m alive and to Long Board who has requested a similar “I’m alive” udpate so he doesn’t worry – huh? – I’m not used to this, but I could get used to it!) Anyway, I thought I’d give y’all something to think about for me while I’m gone. And, sicne they’re fun, a…

• 
  American Family

• Three

  AmericanFamily

  19 Nov 2009 | 4:40 pm

  Three is a wonder.  Last week, living with L was like living with a ticking time bomb.  Everything we said or did had the potential to set her off on the fast track to tantrum land.  This week, she is amazing: giggly, pleasant, and full of silly jokes.  If I didn’t know better I wouldn’t [...]

• I got nothing.

  AmericanFamily

  18 Nov 2009 | 8:29 pm

  I have been trying to think up a post all evening, but still I have nothing. The only thing that crosses my mind is how weird it was to see a Twilight Burger King commercial.  What is the relationship there? I do not know.

• Chinese Food Mini-Project (Day 1)

  AmericanFamily

  17 Nov 2009 | 5:49 pm

  Ok, you asked for it.  This is what we had for dinner tonight.  Both are from Fuchsia Dunlop’s Sichuan cookbook. The top picture is my own modification of Homestyle Tofu.  The tofu was boiled, not fried.  I also, I didn’t remember to take a final picture after I added the scallions and corn starch, so imagine [...]

• Learning to Cook so Mr. A Can Eat

  AmericanFamily

  16 Nov 2009 | 6:29 pm

  Way back at the beginning of Nablopomo, I had a few comments asking for more information about how I finally (after 12 years of being with Mr. A) learned to cook Chinese food. I had tried to cook Chinese food for a long time, but it was TERRIBLE.  So bad that it was not surprising to [...]

• What She Did

  AmericanFamily

  15 Nov 2009 | 7:45 am

  I keep waiting for the MIL story to get funny, but it just isn’t.  In all the time I have known her, I have tried to view our interactions through the lens of funny because otherwise I would be a seething ball of MIL-directed anger.  Actually, a seething ball of MIL-directed anger is exactly how [...]

• 
  BastardGrannyAnnie

• Black Market, 1945 Illinois Adoption Act & Sealed Records

  Grannie Annie

  3 Nov 2009 | 9:27 am

  ILLINOIS: A BLACK MARKET HAVENWhen Jacob Kepecs, executive director of the Chicago Jewish Children's Bureau was asked why that agency placed only 12 children for adoption in 1944, he replied: “We don't have them to place. The black market gets them.”Up until 1945, the Illinois Adoption Act was woefully weak and unregulated. Back then, any person at all could “facilitate” an adoption: an attorney, a doctor, a social worker, a taxi driver, a midwife, a judge, a nurse, your next door neighbor - it didn’t matter. If you knew of a baby who needed to be adopted out, you could just go…

• Adoptees & the "Birther" movement

  Grannie Annie

  12 Aug 2009 | 6:41 pm

  I wrote this letter to the editor in reply to an Op/Ed piece in the Chicago Tribune about the "birthers" movement. They"birthers" are the kooks who think President Obama cannot be president because he doesn’t have a “proper birth certificate.”Don’t worry, all you vigilant “birthers.” I can assure you that President Obama’s credentials are as good as gold. Here’s why. He has a United States of America passport.We adoptees are intimately acquainted with getting a passport. Our original birth certificates were ordered impounded and sealed in perpetuity on the day our adoption was…

• 6 Aug 2009 | 12:47 pm

  Grannie Annie

  6 Aug 2009 | 12:47 pm

  WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO FREEDOM OF SPEECH?When’s the last time you heard…?“Adoptee groups must never publically criticize the actions of another adoptee organization – it is bad for the total adoption reform movement.”“Adoptees must stick together.”“If we don’t support each other, no one else will.”“You mustn’t poke your nose into a state in which you don’t live because you don’t understand what is right and wrong, good or bad, for that particular state.”How tired I am of hearing these excuses whenever I publically disagree with a bill or a position or an event held…

• 30 Jul 2009 | 9:51 am

  Grannie Annie

  30 Jul 2009 | 9:51 am

  "2009: Year of the Velcro": ReduxI wrote the blog, "2009: Year of the Velcro" because I was concerned about all the deformers we were seeing year after year. My entire blog was aimed directly at the deformers: their actions, motives, their actions, and the consequences of their strategies. It was not a blog to analyze any one state's bill. Nor was it a blog that was comparing bills, state by state, and rating them or ranking them in any way. This blog was all about deformers.Someone called my attention to the fact that I put California onto the wrong list - I said they had a good bill and…

• YOUR GOAL IS NOT MY GOAL

  Grannie Annie

  26 Jul 2009 | 12:07 pm

  There has been criticism in various blog and comments concerning the Philly- ARD march. Adoptees have been taken to task for writing statements not friendly to the Philly march. We have been chastised for not being in attendance. It’s been said that we are not loyal to our fellow brother and sister adoptees.But the reason is so simple. It’s so basic! YOUR GOAL IS NOT MY GOAL. Why on earth would I march in any protest when my ideas of an adoptee equal rights bill do not agree with your ideas?!. Do you think that I should support your protest march or other events just because I am an…

• 
  Harlow's Monkey

• Online poetry magazine features Korean adoptees

  Harlowmonkey

  15 Nov 2009 | 12:02 pm

  New online poetry and writing magazine, Asian American Poetry and Writing, has an issue featuring all Korean adoptee writers: New Truths: Writing in the 21st Century by Korean Adoptees. It's beautiful writing and intellectually challenging. Please read it, it's free and online and it's here.

• "Cultural Tourism" - Beyond Culture Camps Part 2

  Harlowmonkey

  14 Nov 2009 | 8:21 pm

  One of the study's limitations is that those adoptees born/adopted in the late 1970s to 1989 would have had much greater access or opportunity to specialized Korean culture camps. Korean culture camps did exist back then, and in fact Holt first started their camps in 1983. I, as a "2nd wave" adoptee would have been 15 years old that year. A local family camp for Korean adoptees in Minnesota, Kamp Kimchee, began in 1978. For me, I would have liked to have know what the age breakdown was for those who attended camps and those who did not, and if there were any correlations…

• Deborah Douglas responds to the NYT article about Korean adoptee identity

  Harlowmonkey

  13 Nov 2009 | 5:28 am

  From the Huffington PostThe Asian-adoptee identity crisis reported in Monday's New York Times might finally lend credence to what black social workers have been saying all along: Ethnic and racial identity matters. In 1972, the National Association of Black Social Workers issued a statement emphasizing the importance of keeping black families intact by encouraging black-on-black adoptions. Many took this stance to be anti-white, racist rhetoric, insisting that all children need is love to survive childhood healthy and intact. So now we know -- at least from an Asian-adoptee point of…

• Korean adoptees advocate for adoption reform in Korea

  Harlowmonkey

  12 Nov 2009 | 6:10 am

  From the JoongAng DailyA generation fights to reform adoption laws Six Korean adoptees filed an appeal with the Anti-corruption and Civil Rights Commission last year to request a probe into irregularities in their adoption documents and possible illegal procedures at local adoption agencies. Now, they’re involved in a full-fledged battle to reform adoption laws and procedures, and they’re getting help from some heavyweights. Adoptee rights and community groups as well as unwed mothers, the public interest law firm Gong-Gam and Democratic Party Representative Choi Young-hee have joined…

• Adult adoptees speak - Beyond Culture Camps Part 1

  Harlowmonkey

  10 Nov 2009 | 9:00 pm

   The executive summary of the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute study, Beyond Culture Camps: Promoting Healthy Identity Formation in Adoption begins with the quote from one of the study's Korean adoptee participants:I realized I never could change my ethnicity/race. I also developed a pride in being Korean and Asian. I reviewed things I liked about being Asian that European Americans did not have. I also grew comfortable with things I did not like about being Asian. As an adult I learned how to deal with racism/stereotypes in a way that makes me feel OK about being a “border…

• 
  Peter's Cross Station

• Adoption Awareness: A First Mom Talks about Parenting after Placement

  LilySea

  16 Nov 2009 | 7:53 am

  Go read Firemom on her first parented child's fourth birthday.  More consideration of the after-effects of adoption on first parents needs to be part of any discussion of adoption.  Firemom is always great for these things.  If you don't read her, start now!

• Overheard at Nat's School

  LilySea

  11 Nov 2009 | 8:17 am

  Cole reports this conversation between little boy, E, and his mom:E's Mom: who do you play with at school?E: (names off three or four boys)E's Mom: why do you only play with boys?E: Because Nat and J (Nat's BFF, a girl) only play with each other!I love it that my kid is the obvious go-to gender line crosser in this kid's head.  We love E, by the way.  He does play with Nat sometimes, but it must be admitted that nothing comes between Nat and her J (or J and her Nat--it's a mutual adoration fest with those two).

• Gender Fun with the Daughters of Lesbians

  LilySea

  10 Nov 2009 | 10:10 am

  A couple of weeks ago before I got hit with the Pig, I was in a bit of an Una Troubridge mood.  Una, it seems, while more or less a femme--or a "false invert" in Radclyffe Hall's terms (which she basically took straight-up out of Havelock Ellis's Sexual Inversion) dressed in various gender-troubling ways on and off throughout her life/relationship with Hall (aka "John"), but basically was dressing like a girl most of the time toward the end of Hall's life.  Then, when Hall died, she had all of her (John's) suits tailored to fit her (Una) and wore them…

• Tweet

  LilySea

  2 Nov 2009 | 6:41 pm

  I've been forcing myself to use Twitter (yes, Tweetdeck has helped a lot, thank you).  I won't say I love it, but I'm coming to terms with it.So follow me (lilysea).  And tell me who you are so I can follow you, okay?

• Darts in the Dark and Bullet Points and Completely Random Snippets of Prose

  LilySea

  2 Nov 2009 | 10:59 am

  I now have five outstanding agency queries.I have about 150 pages of a sequel.I have so completely revised the first section of the first book that it's practically unrecognizable (in a good way) from the earlier drafts.I have contracted whatever the rest of the family has--but so far in a much milder form (knock wood!).  Thank you, flu shot.Finally, I just really, really need to share this paragraph with you, because I wrote it two weeks ago and it still plays over and over in my head because I am just so delighted with it:Sophia Abington had always known she would never marry.  She…

• 
  Adopt This!

• Found It.

  issycat

  14 Nov 2009 | 12:31 am

  So he can do that high F but he throws it because somebody hasseled his dad and as he says later he loves his dad more than he wants to be a star. And no this has nothing to do with adoption but maybe for me it has something to do with good parenting.  I know its just a tv show but compared to the reality of some blogs out there that actually make me want to hide under the bed they are so scary, I’d rather go live in tv land for a little while.  

• She Is Pissed Yo!

  issycat

  12 Nov 2009 | 10:41 pm

  That Barren Chicky is upset. She feels attacked.  She deserves a baby…as womb fresh as possible.  And if she doesn’t get this one, she’ll keep looking for another until she gets one.  She’s a regular Womb Raider! And what she really can’t believe is that people are choosing to attack her during Adoption Awareness Month.  I mean really, the sheer hubris of it! It’s sacred Adoption Awareness Month people!  Don’t you know?!!!!! Well first off, SKANK, Adoption Awareness Month was created to bring awareness to FOSTER CARE ADOPTION.  and I don’t…

• Sometimes You Just Got To Keep It Close

  issycat

  12 Nov 2009 | 4:46 pm

  I was reading the blogs of more greedy adopters and potential adopters today.  I have to stop.  Those people are nuts! I just have to whisper to myself every once in awhile.  My children are safe.  My children are safe.  The cycle is broken.  It’s done. Because that’s what a lot of this is about for me.  It’s traumatic to see these children discussed like they are pieces of meat or accessories to a new lifestyle.  It seems like this is what a lot of adoption is about.  I want.  I want.  I can’t do it myself and it pisses me off.  I want.  And gosh darnit,…

• A Prime Example of an Entitled Ass

  issycat

  11 Nov 2009 | 5:49 pm

  Right Here. Holding the baby shower before the mother even has the kid and signs over her rights. That is just…creepy. And her fundraisers.  And her complaining about how much a kid costs.  And her whining about how much she hates the fertiles. But we don’t know anything about modern adoption.  See in modern times, it’s ok to pimp your pals to fund your adoption.  It’s ok to beg for stuff you are not entitled to. I’m sorry but it makes me happy for the life I have…and the parents I have. What am I missing?  I mean aren’t these expectant mothers…

• I’m Really Not Angry.

  issycat

  8 Nov 2009 | 10:15 am

  Yes I am.  

• 
  Welcome to my Brain

• stupid, stupid, stupid

  20 Nov 2009 | 6:35 am

  I watched the 6 yr old devour almost a whole watermelon by herself. I joked about the insane amount of pee we would be seeing later. ha. ha. So funny. This morning, "Mom, the hallway smells like... [[ this is only a blurb - get your butt over to my site for the rest of it - www.welcometomybrain.net ]]

• Holy Cow's Milk

  18 Nov 2009 | 10:43 am

  It started as a day where no one was on restriction - at all - in any way. And then ... One of these gentlemen chose to get mumbly. Once corrected, he got worse. THEN, we sat down to do some... [[ this is only a blurb - get your butt over to my site for the rest of it - www.welcometomybrain.net ]]

• Magical Milk Pic-o-the-Week

  17 Nov 2009 | 4:08 am

  Refugee Lapland woman, known as a skolt, breastfeeding her baby during the Russo-Finnish War in 1940. (photo by Carl Mydans) [[ this is only a blurb - get your butt over to my site for the rest of it - www.welcometomybrain.net ]]

• Reactive Attachment Disorder LOVES Homeschool

  16 Nov 2009 | 3:18 pm

  If by "LOVES" you mean absolutely detests and would rather eat your own vomit. While Mar is totally attaching, she is still clinging with all her might to the whole entitlement thing. That... [[ this is only a blurb - get your butt over to my site for the rest of it - www.welcometomybrain.net ]]

• Dear Mom,

  14 Nov 2009 | 1:25 pm

  Dr. Bob says you are welcome to his docks anytime (actually, he has now made that offer to ANY of our guests! WHOO! HOOO!). Come see me soon, Mom! You can bring Dad, too, if you want. :) ... [[ this is only a blurb - get your butt over to my site for the rest of it - www.welcometomybrain.net ]]

• 
  Away To Me

• Cleaning or still grieving?

  away2me

  17 Nov 2009 | 9:29 pm

  I cleaned like a mad woman today. And I cried a lot too. I wish I could hurry up the grieving process. I'm embarrassed (don't know why, but that's the feeling) about still being upset about Thomas dying. I think...

• Difficult Day

  away2me

  14 Nov 2009 | 4:20 pm

  Today I went to my old boyfriend's funeral. It was so sad. I cried so hard when I saw his brother. I didn't think I'd be that emotional. He left behind so many people who loved him, including a young...

• Question - just for fun.

  away2me

  11 Nov 2009 | 3:45 pm

  If you had the power to make a decision on which program to get cut at your kid's school, and you had to cut one, which would it be, The Arts or Sports/Physical Education. Just wanted to hear your thoughts...

• Going

  away2me

  11 Nov 2009 | 2:44 pm

  Thanks everyone for the encouragement to go to the funeral. My husband is fine with it as I expected he would be. I guess until I heard about Thomas' death I never really realized what a huge impact he had...

• Question

  away2me

  10 Nov 2009 | 2:22 pm

  Is it okay to go to an ex-boyfriend's funeral? I haven't seen him in probably 15 years and for some reason I feel odd about it. My husband I'm sure will be fine with it, but it seems odd. Any...

• 
  A Birth Project

• Test Posting

  Lisa Marie

  15 Nov 2009 | 7:00 am

  this is a test post to see about writing posts in advance, while i am on vacation or what not. this is only a test. :0 carry on. Posted in Uncategorized

• New Donaldson Institute Study of Korean Adoptees

  Lisa Marie

  10 Nov 2009 | 9:19 am

  New Study from the Donaldson Institute is here. Adopted From Korea and in Search of Identity By RON NIXON Published: November 8, 2009 New York Times “As a child, Kim Eun Mi Young hated being different. When her father brought home toys, a record and a picture book on South Korea, the country from which she was adopted in 1961, she ignored them. Growing up in Georgia, Kansas and Hawaii, in a military family, she would date only white teenagers, even when Asian boys were around. “At no time did I consider myself anything other than white,” said Ms. Young, 48, who lives in San Antonio.

• AFAAD Board Members on BlogTalk Radio!

  Lisa Marie

  4 Nov 2009 | 7:27 am

  Check out AFAAD board members Connie Galambos Malloy, Lisa D. Walker and ME on Wandaspicks.com blogtalk radio RIGHT NOW!! http://www.blogtalkradio.com/Wandas-Picks Posted in In the News, Transracial Adoption Tagged: adult adoptees, African adoptee, black adoptee, Transracial Adoption

• Cambodian Assembly debates adoptions

  Lisa Marie

  27 Oct 2009 | 10:03 am

  New law will fill legal void on foreign adoptions and help fight child trafficking. Friday, 23 October 2009 Meas Sokchea from The Phnom Penh Post A new draft law, part of which was passed today, will mean tougher regulations for adoptive parents. THE National Assembly has begun approving a draft law tightening restrictions on the adoption of Cambodian children by foreign parents, responding to fears the previous lack of a regulatory framework allowed for the exploitation and trafficking of children. “This law is an important part of the Royal Government’s enforcement policy on…

• My First Frittata

  Lisa Marie

  19 Oct 2009 | 2:07 pm

  My FIRST frittata!! without parmesan on top, fresh out the oven. Red potato, mushroom, onion, garlic, red chili, red bell, eggs and rosemary. (salt, pepper, cayenne & thyme) with parmesan on top. yum. Posted in Foodie, Good Stuff Tagged: Foodie, frittata, yum

• 
  Vindauga

• 19 Nov 2009 | 9:56 pm

  Lisa V

  19 Nov 2009 | 9:56 pm

  Look, I don't usually make fun of another's looks, especially in writing. But come on Project Runway judge, what's up with the weird sausage roll pinned bang?

• Hmmm

  Lisa V

  18 Nov 2009 | 9:33 pm

  One of the things I was concerned about is that if we take out student loans, and god forbid something happens to Bert, would I be responsible for the debt? The financial aid counselor says "no".  Don't you love being an AARP member and grad student? Bert should watch his ass. I'm just sayin'.

• Moving Forward

  Lisa V

  17 Nov 2009 | 8:09 pm

  Bert didn't get a chance to talk to the financial aid office today. He's hoping tomorrow morning. From everything we can tell (and everything you all suggested and emailed), grad school could be doable. If the financial aid stuff looks like it will work out, he'll move forward and apply. I'll make it my goal to figure out what's next for me. My current job is likely over in a year or so. There may be opportunities for me to move up, or maybe I will be forced to see what else is out there. Tonight I feel optimistic. In two and a half years, we could both have jobs we…

• A Plan

  Lisa V

  16 Nov 2009 | 3:08 pm

  I think the worst part of this whole thing is the great unknown. Bert could get a decent job, and we could go back to normal. Broke, but normal. The flip side? He doesn't get a job by next summer and we have no choice but to sell our house because we need the equity to live on, and he works some combination of less than rewarding part-time jobs. There are variables, I get a better job, here or somewhere else(yay) or I lose my job (boo). (That last variable? We're all moving south to live with Jody and Calder if that happens. It'll be a commune. After she tires of us, I'm…

• Catch you tomorrow kids

  Lisa V

  15 Nov 2009 | 10:58 pm

  I've got 3 minutes. It's a throw away post, but it's a post.

• 
  Seriously?

• Liar

  Erin

  27 Oct 2009 | 11:16 am

  Except he refuses to back the soldiers to the hilt like he says he is. The budget is not passed or even being worked on so the military is out of money and delaying routine maintenance which could have very well been part of why a blackhawk went down last week.Not to mention it has been TEN WEEKS since McChrystal asked for more troops. And Obama has played more golf than Bush played in his entire eight years in office. Not to mention that he has a big huge party every Wednesday night courtesy of taxpayers.What a disgusting excuse for a president.And I guarantee it is all intentional. The…

• Holy Crap

  Erin

  31 Jul 2009 | 6:52 pm

• A giveaway!

  Erin

  22 Jun 2009 | 9:22 am

  I'm doing a giveaway on the other blog

• done for good now

  Erin

  11 Feb 2009 | 8:41 am

  I have to be done. The ignorance is just to much. I don't want to jeopardize my husbands career.

• 
  this woman's work

• Yesterday Madison said

  Dawn

  19 Nov 2009 | 11:39 am

  We went over to Pennie’s house yesterday to celebrate her birthday and Madison said, “Mommy, would you feel bad if I thought Pennie was prettier than you?” And I said, “Of course.” No, I said, “Nope, I think Pennie’s beautiful.” And she said, “Oh, OK. I think Pennie’s prettier than you are.” She is, too, so I can’t really be insulted! But she said I am the prettiest white mommy so at least there’s that! this woman's work, 2009. | Permalink | 7 comments so far | Come on by and comment! Possibly related posts We had a…

• Open Adoption Roundtable #10

  Dawn

  18 Nov 2009 | 7:53 am

  New roundtable! This is a topic that is very timely for me (Thanksgivingmom) right now, but is something that all of us in open adoption deal with at least once during the year: birthdays.I know that birthdays can be an extremely emotional time, for everyone connected to adoption, not just those of us in open adoptions. So what is it that we do, as part of our open adoptions, during the “birthday season”? Our experiences on this are so diverse, that I don’t want to limit your responses to one specific question. BUT, since some of us (like me!) sometimes like the specific questions, here…

• Also on an update on unintentionally offensive logos

  Dawn

  17 Nov 2009 | 7:33 am

  I didn’t get a response but Abby got one and then she forwarded the post that went out to the whole list. It was just been brought to our attention, that this year’s UWWG t-shirt logo design appears to some to be depicting a black clown and thus offending some as being a racist design. We truly apologize to anyone who felt this! This was not the intent of our design in any way! We have since taken the t-shirt picture design off our website, and the design is being slightly redone to correct this. The problem and misinterpretation of this years shirts by some, was basically due to…

• Used toy exchange

  Dawn

  17 Nov 2009 | 7:18 am

  Because I am cheap and because my budget is tight and because I hate malls with the power of 1000 hot burning suns and because Allyo was talking about downsizing her toy stash, I decided to host a used toy/book/clothes exchange the Saturday after Thanksgiving. This is how it’s going to work. People are going to come over with their crap gently used things. They will crowd into my not-big house, which will begin to feel over-heated. They will throw down their things. They will rummage through other people’s things. They will laugh, complain about how their kids never even TOUCHED…

• The woman who thought too much

  Dawn

  16 Nov 2009 | 5:23 pm

  I was going to try to write a post about being an over-thinker but I couldn’t make it funny. Let’s just say I know I think about things too much but that’s how I like it. If I thought about ‘em less, I’d have a lot less fun in the world. So on Friday I had a meeting for work that took place at this amazing space. One of our board members owns a historic downtown building in a little Ohio town. She has her offices on the second floor and she lives on the entire third floor (the fourth floor hasn’t been rehabbed yet). I am completely blanking on the square…

• 
  Voices for Vietnam Adoption Integrity

• Two Arrested For Trafficking In Southern Vietnamese Province

  Christina

  9 Nov 2009 | 7:17 pm

  According to Agence France-Presse Police in Vietnam have arrested two people suspected of trafficking 20 babies in the communist country since 2007, a report said Monday. The two suspects, a man and a woman detained Saturday in the southern province of Dong Nai, had confessed to buying the babies at hospitals in the south of the [...]

• Helping Hands defends its role in Vietnam Adoptions

  jena

  26 Oct 2009 | 9:40 am

  Sharon O’Driscoll, chief executive of Helping Hands in Ireland, this week defended her agencies use of funds and the process by which monies are distributed in Vietnam. According to the article, Parents who have adopted from Vietnam in recent years paid $11,100 (€7,400) to Helping Hands. Of that, $9,000 was paid as ‘‘humanitarian aid’’ to regional authorities [...]

• Dept. of State Posts New VN Adoption Notice

  Administrator

  23 Oct 2009 | 9:53 am

  “Nearly all cases for which an official referral was issued before September 1, 2008, have now been processed to completion.” So says the U.S. Department of State in a new Adoption Notice posted today on the Office of Children’s Issues Vietnam adoption page. The Notice goes on to say that under no circumstances should any [...]

• Guilty Verdicts in Nam Dinh Case

  Administrator

  28 Sep 2009 | 10:06 am

  Than Nien News reports that all sixteen defendants in the adoption corruption case in Nam Dinh province have been found guilty. Six were sentenced to jail sentences of two and a half to four years. The six were found guilty of “abuse of power in public duty,” said Nguyen Tien Hung, vice-president of the [...]

• 16 On Trial For Falsifying Paperwork in Nam Dinh

  Administrator

  22 Sep 2009 | 6:31 am

  The Earth Times reports, Sixteen Vietnamese medical and charity workers went on trial Tuesday for committing fraud in 266 adoptions of local children by foreign parents. The accused allegedly took money from adoption agencies to create fake documents enabling foreigners to adopt the children, said Ngo Tien Hung, vice president of the People’s Court in the [...]

• 
  Upside-Down Adoption

• Transgender Day of Remembrance Post

  20 Nov 2009 | 9:50 am

  Usually I suck at blogging on significant days and anniversaries. But today, I'm in time to catch The Transgender Day of Remembrance. The Transgender Day of Remembrance was set aside to memorialize those who were killed due to anti-transgender hatred or prejudice. The event is held in November to honor Rita Hester, whose murder on November 28th, 1998 kicked off the “Remembering Our Dead” web project and a San Francisco candlelight vigil in 1999. Rita Hester’s murder — like most anti-transgender murder cases — has yet to be solved. Although not every person represented during the Day…

• Short Sunny Update

  12 Nov 2009 | 1:22 pm

  Guy is out of town this week.  When we went on the same trip last year, things kind of fell apart.  That's the first time that Sunny ever hit me during a tantrum. Guy being away seemed to flip a switch in his brain and probably activated all his memories of the other people in his life that left him... This week, it's been hugely better, so far. Guy wrote seven notes with little drawings and messages like "I love you" and "sleep tight", and I give one of those to Sunny every night.  He also emails Sunny from the road.  Sunny has a clear goals -- 5 nights of "reading…

• Long Fitness Update

  12 Nov 2009 | 12:51 pm

  Here's how it's going. I'm not weighing myself or even measuring myself because I don't want to get stuck on numerical goals.  I'd rather aim for a general wellbeing and fitness level.   That way it might be more sustainable. Nutrition: I'm doing a modified South Beach, low carb but not ultra low carb style.  The hardest part is remembering to eat six times a day and not letting myself get hungry.  I know this is a nutrition principle that's crucial for keeping your metabolism working properly, but it's tough, especially since I have a tendency to get really focused…

• Veteran's Day Quick Post: Hepatitis C

  11 Nov 2009 | 1:12 pm

  I wrote before on this issue.  My stepfather is a Vietnam veteran with Hepatitis C that he contracted while working as a medic stationed in South Korea. Currently, his Hep C is under control, but until a reliable cure is developed, he's always going to be in danger of liver failure. 1 in 10 Vietnam vets have Hepatitis C. Please see this page at hcadvocate.com to find out what we can do to help people with Hep C.

• Email to Hank Johnson Regarding Healthcare Reform and Stupak Amendment

  9 Nov 2009 | 12:47 pm

  Hello, I would like to congratulate you on all the great work you have done to fight for healthcare reform so far. I have supported your reform efforts and I attended your healthcare townhall as well as David Scott's. However, I'm very upset right now at the current House bill.  Here are just a few of my problems: - fines for people who refuse insurance - lack of coverage for undocumented immigrants - The Stupak-Pitts "coathanger" amendment I understand that compromise is necessary in politics.  I understand that if we pass halfway reform now, we will be able to augment and improve…

• 
  Third Mom

• A paralyzing wait

  Margie

  18 Nov 2009 | 5:52 am

  Apologies for being absent here. Things at work are very serious at the moment, and the stress of waiting to know if I'm going to have a job here next year or not has pretty much reduced me to a stressed-out wreck. I won't find a comparable job in this economy at my age (old enough to a parent to most of you), which means that life as my family knows it will be pretty much over.I'm not the only one by a long shot, so no messages of sympathy are necessary. Just want to explain why I don't have the energy for adoption issues right now.

• A generation fights to reform adoption laws

  Margie

  11 Nov 2009 | 5:35 am

  Must read: A generation fights to reform adoption laws.I understand this far too well:They found that in some cases an orphan hojeok (family registry) is produced for a child sent for international adoption, even if the child has a family. Contradictions were also found between the records held by adoptive parents and those kept by the adoption agency. Which is why we have to think long and hard about this:The majority of children relinquished for adoption in Korea are the children of unwed mothers. Of the 2,556 adoptions in 2008, international and domestic, 2,170 were the children of unwed…

• Beyond Culture Camp: New Donaldson Report

  Margie

  10 Nov 2009 | 5:23 am

  From the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute,a new report on adult adoptee identity issues:Beyond Culture Camp: Promoting Healthy Identity Formation in Adoption.From the study's website:The principal recommendations of the 112 page study include:Expand parental preparation and post-placement support for those adopting across race and culture. Such preparation should include educating parents about thesalience of race across the developmental course, instruction about racial identity development and the tasks inherent in such development, and assistance in understanding racial discrimination…

• I wish I was in Berlin

  Margie

  9 Nov 2009 | 10:34 am

  20 Jahre Mauerfall - the 20th anniversary of the fall of the Berlin Wall. If ever an event gives me hope for the future, it's this one.I wish I could have been there then.And I wish I could be there now.

• Signs and wonders

  Margie

  5 Nov 2009 | 2:02 am

  I read something recently on an adoptive parent's blog that's been keeping the wheels turning this week.I'm not going to link to the blog in question unless permission is granted (if you figure out who you are, please leave a comment or send an email, and I'll add the link) because my goal in this post isn't to create more discord, it's simply to voice a few more thoughts about the discussion I read there.The blogger is clearly devoted to her Christian faith, and therefore attracts others of like mind. The post I read linked to several others on the subject of adoption and Christianity,…

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  Heart, Mind and Seoul

• The Dreams in Adoption

  Paula O'Loughlin

  4 Nov 2009 | 12:03 pm

  Recently my kids and I were having a discussion about possible job/career choices they thought they might enjoy in the future.  Artist, soldier, basketball player, veterinarian, police officer, restaurant server, teacher, custodian and cyclist were amongst their dream vocations.  More interesting than hearing their selections was listening to the rationale behind each one.  It made me happy to know that their choices truly reflected the interests and hobbies for which they have the most passion.  After talking about why or why not they think it's important to enjoy what they do,…

• Halloween Angst

  Paula O'Loughlin

  30 Oct 2009 | 9:45 am

  Presumably like most other homes in this country with young children in its residence, there has been a steady and ever increasing excitement percolating throughout our walls in anticipation for tomorrow's holiday.  Candy!  Classroom parties!  Candy!  Costumes!  Goody bags filled with edible, plastic and even monetary treats from grandparents!  Candy!  Carving pumpkins!  Corn mazes!  Oh, and I did I mention the candy? I never LOVED Halloween, but I didn't dread or despise it either.  As a kid who never had regular access to sweets, I saw it more as an…

• Protecting My Environment

  Paula O'Loughlin

  29 Oct 2009 | 6:47 pm

  Who among us hasn't been - at one time or another - on the receiving end of someone else's constant criticisms, put-downs and insinuations that left us feeling that no matter what we did and no matter how hard we tried, that in their eyes, we still came up short.  The kind of person who has you thinking that even if heaven and earth could be moved in their honor, it still would not be enough.  In both my professional and personal lives, I have encountered this type of person and I'm willing to bet you have as well.  And truthfully, I know that in certain situations…

• For The Right Reasons

  Paula O'Loughlin

  28 Oct 2009 | 8:37 pm

  Several years ago, one of my best girlfriends asked me how long I thought she should continue to date her (then) boyfriend.  She liked him well enough, but she just wasn't 100% sure if he was "the one". Given the history with this particular friend, I knew I could afford to be as honest and forthcoming as possible and that she would want and expect nothing less.  Without missing a beat, I responded to her inquiry by asking her a few questions of my own: "Is he bringing out the best in you?  Do you feel like a better person and more like yourself when you're…

• Unwanted Until Proven Good Enough To Have

  Paula O'Loughlin

  21 Jul 2009 | 8:56 pm

  A conversation I had a few days ago with one of my daughter's friends reminded me how far we still have to go in deconstructing the negative association that so many people have about kids who are adopted.  The recent conversation with this particular 10 year-old boy pretty much mirrored the several dozen other discussions I've had with children about adoption.  Sure, there is always a little variation on the words and how things are phrased, but the overall message is essentially the same.  First - a little background about the impetus of this particular conversation,…

• 
  Just Enjoy Him

• a favorite adoption photo

  justenjoyhim

  31 Oct 2009 | 4:52 pm

  3/22/2002 — the day we adopted Nate. Hands Originally uploaded by Mom2One You might think that I’d pick the photo of the first time that I held Energy Boy — and that is one of my favorite photos. Or you might think I’d pick a favorite first picture of EB and his dad together, and there is one that’s especially sweet to me. But when I thought about what adoption really means, this photo came to mind. It’s such a simple photo — you can’t even really see EB. This is March 22, 2002, the day that we traveled to Ha Tinh, Vietnam to adopt him. It was a…

• the white noise of our lives

  justenjoyhim

  30 Oct 2009 | 5:57 am

  Adoption is a part of our lives, always. You really only have to look at our family to see that — Caucasian mom and dad, Asian son. Even with those physical differences, I’ve had people over the years ask me if we were going to tell Energy Boy if he was adopted. “Yes, of course,” I’d say. For even if he looked very much like us, it’s a fact of his life that isn’t something that’s shameful and that he deserves to know. It’s part of what makes him him. It’s a part of our lives, but it doesn’t take center stage all the time, as I…

• give me the adoption parenting issues . . . .

  justenjoyhim

  24 Oct 2009 | 3:40 pm

  because at least I know how to answer those, and the ones that don’t have answers for them — well, I know about those too. I know about letting my child feel his sadness and being a witness to his sadness and being here for him. Bring me the controversy, bring me people from wherever, whenever, telling me I’m WRONG, that I can’t possibly be a good person for having adopted this child away from his birth family and birth home, no matter the circumstances. Give me something I can hang onto, something I can latch onto, give me the Adopter, call me something derisive, call…

• my surgery and the beginning of recuperation

  justenjoyhim

  15 Oct 2009 | 1:40 pm

  Well, the women I’ve talked to who have had breast reconstruction surgery after a mastectomy have all said that this surgery is hard (no matter which kind they’ve had, they’ve said that), but worth it in the end. They’re right about the hard part, and I’m sure they’re right about the worth it part too. Of the surgeries that I’ve had in my life — impacted wisdom teeth removal, carpal tunnel surgery, gall bladder removal, and the modified radical mastectomy of my left breast — this has been by far the most painful I’ve had. It took…

• I’m home

  justenjoyhim

  13 Oct 2009 | 4:53 pm

  The surgery went well, though dang it’s painful! I’m home now, armed with Percocet for the pain. Posted in Uncategorized

• 
  The Chronicles of Munchkin Land

• Open Adoption Roundtable: Birthdays

  Jenna

  19 Nov 2009 | 7:43 am

  A large number of questions have been posed regarding the topic of birthdays and open adoption for this installation of Open Adoption Roundtable. As soon as someone mentions birthdays in relation to the subject of open adoption, I’m instantly transported to Munchkin’s first birthday party. I was so young (relatively speaking) and so inexperienced with being a public birth mother. It was an emotional disaster. To the questions: What do you/your family do to integrate open adoption and birthday celebrations? Not as much as we used to do. That comes with the fact that Munchkin is now…

• I Knew Everything. I Knew Nothing.

  Jenna

  16 Nov 2009 | 7:10 am

  Four years ago today, I was a mother but I wasn’t a mom. I knew what motherly instinct felt like, that deep-seated need to protect at any cost even if it meant my own personal misery. I had felt the unconditional love that a mother felt. I thought I knew everything there was to know about being a mother. I had watched D parent the Munchkin. I had read some books. I was ready for it all. I wasn’t ready for anything. On this day before my oldest son’s fourth birthday, my oldest parented child, I am feeling nostalgic and introspective. I am feeling overwhelmed with emotion.

• Just as Mad

  Jenna

  12 Nov 2009 | 6:02 pm

  The Munchkin has been having some issues with the kindergarten experience. From bus rides to teacher issues to Mean Girls, she’s just been having a time of it. I don’t need to give you details. Any of you who endured kindergarten or who have sent children to endure kindergarten know what I’m talking about; it’s hard. For the parents as well. D has been struggling with watching her daughter struggle. She has shared some of that with me and I have been supportive as I can be from way over here when she’s way over there. She called me earlier this evening and said:…

• Flipping Swine Flu

  Jenna

  10 Nov 2009 | 6:37 am

  I swear I’m not avoiding the adoption world. It’s all I can do to keep breathing right now. I’ve been sick for, as of this afternoon, ten days. TEN DAYS. As we’re sliding down the slippery slope to the boys’ birthdays, the Munchkin’s birthday and Christmas, I want to scream, “I DON’T HAVE TIME TO BE SICK!” But I can’t scream because my voice has also been affected by this flu that does not end. Yes, it goes on and on my friend. (Sing it.) Between my new job, planning a party, finishing up Christmas shopping, taking on new writing…

• Adoption Carnival III: Pictures of Adoption

  Jenna

  30 Oct 2009 | 12:00 am

  Adoption Carnival III asks for my favorite picture of adoption. Heck if I know. Do you know who I am? I’m a photographer (!), for Pete’s sake. I take pictures out the wazoo. The camera is permanently stuck to my face. Even though we started this open adoption journey in a time before either family owned a digital camera, we have a billion and one photos. Seriously. In fact, I have a full TUB from her FIRST YEAR ALONE. (Thanks, D! You’re the best.) I can think of a few off the top of my head. The picture of me first holding the Munchkin. There’s a shot of Munchkin and…

• 
  Mommyhood and Life

• Jillian Michaels Didn’t Actually Break My Foot. She Just Fired A Warning Shot.

  Coco

  9 Nov 2009 | 2:17 pm

  After 3 X-Rays and 3 hours in the local ER (2 of which were spent reading a book while we all waited for the Radiologist to read the damn films), my foot is not, in fact, broken. What I have is termed “a really ugly sprain”. This is technical medical jargon used by my Doctor in the ER, who was really cute with curly brown hair and he kind of reminded me of Wayne Rogers as Trapper in MASH (Google it if you don’t remember it, youngsters). Sadly, Dr. Trapper was about as interested in my greasy-haired, flip-flop wearing, unwashed self as he was in shoving hot forks in his eyes.

• I Think Jillian Michaels May Be Some Kind of Voodoo Priestess

  Coco

  6 Nov 2009 | 2:31 pm

  You all remember my vow to get my sorry ass in shape by working out to Jillian Michaels’ “30 Day Shred”, right? And in my post I may have ranted on about Jillian’s fave catch phrase a little bit and ragged on her two Amazons. Well, as it turns out, you shouldn’t give Jillian any shit, even on a semi-anonymous blog, because apparently, she has evil magical powers. Let me give you an example. Two weeks ago today, as I told Moonspun, I woke up with what looked like a half a purple boiled egg on the top of my left foot. Well, I was bound and determined not to miss…

• To Whom It May Concern

  Coco

  30 Oct 2009 | 12:00 pm

  A series of letters to people who have annoyed me this week. Dear Punk on the freeway this morning, going too slow in the fast lane, yakking on the Bluetooth AND texting while weaving erratically and frighteningly into my lane, Put your fucking phone down before you kill someone, you moron. You’re driving a crappy little Honda covered in primer, so I know the fate of the free world does not rest on your shoulders. You are not important enough to endanger my life because you want to sext your girlfriend while you’re on your way to your job at the Burger King drive-thru. Thank…

• I Literally Kicked My Own Ass

  Coco

  23 Oct 2009 | 8:29 am

  Monday while Badger was safely at school, I finally got to watch “30 Days of Night”. Ya’ll know I love me some vampires, regardless of whether they’re scary or sexy (although if I were ever to be attacked by a vampire, I much prefer the sexy, kthxbai), and “30 Days” was about the scary kind. I’ll spare you a complete plot rundown because, you know, it’s not infused with any deep meaningful metaphors or anything. Lots of blood and creepiness about sums it up. Anyway, there was this one scene, where a group of survivors are holed up in a…

• The Bus

  Coco

  20 Oct 2009 | 2:56 pm

  Yesterday, I stood on my front porch with a brand-new Thomas the Tank Engine backpack, holding the hand of a very excited little boy. You see, yesterday was Badger’s first day of special preschool, and he was going to ride on a real yellow schoolbus for the very first time. Since one of his first words ever was “schoolbus”, and he points them out in ear-splitting screeches whenever we happen to pass one, you can imagine this was the equivalent of meeting all three Jonas brothers AND Edward Cullen (and/or Robert Pattinson) AND Zac Efron to your average tween girl. Yeah.

• 
  Paragraphein

• Disney Trip Report: Day 2 (More Animals, More Magic, and Some Giggles)

  paragraphein

  13 Nov 2009 | 1:23 pm

  Day 2: Sunday, September 20 Part 2: Animal Kingdom Continued; More Magic Kingdom; and Sunshine Giggles Riotously After eating at Yak & Yeti, we took in a little scenery… I was dying to ride Expedition Everest, but it just didn’t happen. In fact we never even saw the right half of the park, so… this is the closest we got to Everest. And the Tree of Life… Then we wandered back to Africa and rode Kilimanjaro Safari. We used our Fastpasses but didn’t really need to–it was a walk-on. Animal Kingdom is massive–the entire Magic Kingdom can fit into…

• Still Going

  paragraphein

  12 Nov 2009 | 4:48 pm

  I am taking a break from the trip report to write this: I am tired. Deep in my bones tired. It’s actually not the usual stuff that is weighing on me. It’s not adoption, it’s not even the winter. (Though winter’s arrival isn’t helping matters.)  It’s work, it’s busyness, it’s politics, it’s… my life. Yesterday I was two hours (yes, two hours) late to work. I slept straight through the alarm (not the first time it’s happened this fall, either) and didn’t wake until 9:30. And then? Despite getting to work at 10:30, I…

• Disney Trip Report: Day 2 (Arrival at Animal Kingdom)

  paragraphein

  10 Nov 2009 | 9:28 pm

  Day 2: Sunday, September 20 Part 1: Arrival at Animal Kingdom The (overly optimistic) hope for our first full day in Disney World was to get to Animal Kingdom for rope drop (opening) at 9 a.m., take a break at the resort after lunch, and then head to the Magic Kingdom for the evening. Instead… we slept in a bit. After showering, I wandered to the main buildings at the hub of the resort. I picked us up some drinks and bought Sunshine a pressed coin book and an autograph book, then meandered back to the room. Once we were all ready, we caught a bus to Animal Kingdom. Almost immediately…

• Disney Trip Report: Day 1 (Magic Kingdom)

  paragraphein

  9 Nov 2009 | 5:42 am

  Day 1: Saturday, September 19 Part 3: Sunshine’s First Experience of the Magic Kingdom The rough plan for the day had been to arrive, unpack, and head to the Magic Kingdom for Spectromagic (nighttime parade), fireworks, and a few rides. Sunshine and I carried through with the plan, but Matt just wanted to chill, so we left him to relax at the resort. (And this became a theme… deviating from the plan.) So after we had settled and eaten at the resort, Sunshine and I hopped a bus to the Magic Kingdom, which was open until 10 p.m. (One of the best parts of staying on Disney property…

• Disney Trip Report: Day 1 (Check-in)

  paragraphein

  8 Nov 2009 | 11:30 am

  Day 1: Saturday, September 19 Part 2: Check-in After a rocky start, we pulled up to the gate of our resort–Port Orleans Riverside–to be greeted by a cast member. And here we had our first sprinkling of (much-needed) pixie dust: the very first cast member we spoke to on our Disney vacation? He was from our own little home town! So we chatted a little about home and then pulled away from the gate. We parked near the main building and woke Sunshine, then made our way inside to registration. I checked us in, while Sunshine and Matt waited. After check-in we drove around the resort to…

• 
  FAMILY PRESERVATION ADVOCACY

• Fractured Families = Harrowing Holidays

  AdoptAuthor

  19 Nov 2009 | 8:12 pm

  Fam⋅i⋅ly<a href="http://dictionary.reference.com/audio.html/lunaWAV/F00/F0029200" target="_blank"><img src="http://sp.ask.com/dictstatic/g/d/speaker.gif" border="0" /></a> ˈfæməli ˈfæmli Show Spelled Pronunciation fam-uh-lee fam-lee  –noun 1. parents and their children, considered as a group, whether dwelling together or not. 2. any group of persons closely related by blood, as parents, children, uncles, aunts, and cousins.  3. all those persons considered as descendants of a common progenitor. 4. a group of related things or people. —Idiom in a or…

• Holiday Gift Giving

  AdoptAuthor

  16 Nov 2009 | 9:25 pm

  It's "that" time of the year - almost.As you make your list, and check it twice...thee are the Family Preservation Advocate's suggestions:Help a child in Africa or sponsor an impoverished child in the U.S. for as little as $25 you can help a child with a got, books, water, or medication...  92 cents of every dollar to Save the children goes for their program services.Give a gift of education, water, immunization, or nutrition to child in Darfur or other parts of the wold though UNICEF. Mosquito nets start at just $18.57 and help stop the spread of malaria or provide milk for under $25.

• Guest Post: My Trip to Canberra by Evelyn Robinson Mansfield

  AdoptAuthor

  16 Nov 2009 | 1:08 pm

  Guest blogger Evelyn Robinson Mansfield is author of  Adoption Reunion - Ecstasy or Agony? her third book.I've just returned from spending a few days in Canberra. It was my first visit to our capital city and I thoroughly enjoyed myself.The main reason for my visit was that I was invited to present at an adoption forum at the start of National Adoption Awareness Week*.The forum on Sunday went very well and, as always, I enjoyed talking about my experience of both adoption and post-adoption support.Today I was privileged to be present in the Great Hall in New Parliament House when our…

• Hugh Jackman and Wife Push for More Ausie Adoptions

  AdoptAuthor

  16 Nov 2009 | 9:47 am

  Hugh Jackman and his wife, actress Deborah-Lee Furness have adopted two children and think that everyone should be able to adopt as many children as they like with no barriers to them...as if that what was adoption was about: filling a demand!Furness is appalled that  "Australia has the lowest adoption rate in the developed world ... 270 last year including local (adoptions)."  However, i do not see anywhere that she mentions any children languishing, waiting for homes and families.So, basically she is saying: wouldn't it be so much better to inflict the pain of family separation on…

• Angelina Adoption Rumor UPDATE

  AdoptAuthor

  15 Nov 2009 | 9:38 am

  The tabloids are all abuzz that Angelina might add another (number seven, but whose counting) to her brood by adopting a girl from Syria who she met on a UN trip.The buzz is all about the fact that Brad is not onboard and she might go it alone, speculating a breakup the tabloids - and many "fans" are breathlessly awaiting.GossipCop brings up two issues of far more importance regarding the possible, rumored adoption itself:First of all, during her recent visit Jolie met with refugees who had fled to Syria – not Syrians. So it’s more than likely that if she adopts a girl she met during the…

• 
  Musing Mother

• 12 Nov 2009 | 11:36 am

  Sandy Young

  12 Nov 2009 | 11:36 am

  The end of this month, I will be sending off questions to the Primal Wound Book Tour, moderated by Lori Holden of The Examiner.com. The tour consists of 42 participants, each representing one area of the adoption plane. There will be mothers, both natural and adoptive, and adult adoptees. We will read the book, submit questions, provide answers, and blog about it on a determined day. I look forward to learning from the others, and just discovered that Nancy Verrier will likely participate, as well. I am finding reading the book again to be highly triggering, perhaps more triggering than the…

• 15 Aug 2009 | 4:54 pm

  Sandy Young

  15 Aug 2009 | 4:54 pm

  BARCODED BABYThere was recently an article in a Canadian Newspaper about a reunion of the infamous Butterbox Babies that got me thinking about these early entrepreneurs of adoption. The Butterbox Babies were Canada’s answer to the equally infamous Georgia Tann, The United States baby seller made notorious again by Barbara Bisantz Raymond in her book, The Baby Thief. The UK had The Magdalen Laundries. Australia recently issued an apology to their indigenous people for the Stolen Generation and had a Parliamentary Inquiry, similar to a Congressional Investigation, focusing on corrupt adoption…

• 10 Aug 2009 | 10:13 pm

  Sandy Young

  10 Aug 2009 | 10:13 pm

  As Forums Go, Craig's List is Interesting....Some time ago, I joined Craig's List. My husband is always looking on there, trying to find the best deal he can for something. At first, we were looking for a travel trailer, but it became a sort of habit. One day, I discovered that there were forums there. I went in to one, Adoption, thinking that it would be interesting to see a different slant. If you really want to know what people think about adoption, go to a place where the people can post anonymously, and there is little or no moderation. That would be Craig's List. What a snakepit! It is…

• 2 Aug 2009 | 3:39 pm

  Sandy Young

  2 Aug 2009 | 3:39 pm

  OPEN RECORDS, A COMPROMISE IDEA In 2004, the Surgeon General of the United States, Richard H. Carmona, in cooperation with various other Health and Human Services government agencies, launched a national public health campaign that recommended that family medical history be updated yearly, he suggested that it be done around the Thanksgiving table, a time when families gather to share their good fortune and break bread together. It is a time when people feel the love of their family and is often the only time during the year when they are all together.The perfect time to share this…

• 23 Jul 2009 | 4:21 pm

  Sandy Young

  23 Jul 2009 | 4:21 pm

  ANN FESSLER'S EVERLASTINGIf you have read the book, The Girls Who Went Away, by Ann Fessler, and are awaiting the film version, here is a peek at what to expect. I saw the traveling exhibition in New York two years ago when I went to Joe Soll's Conference there. It was AMAZING! I kept hearing this woman crying, crying, crying....and realized that it was ME.The part at the beginning, where the nurses are rolling the infants in their cots played on and on, and was SO powerful! It emphasized the fact that Surrender was a rote thing, done over and over until the expectation was automatic. It was…

• 
  Birthmother; Reprise

• Trying Again

  Jana

  20 Nov 2009 | 8:36 am

  Well I have this fancy iPhone thing now, and I discovered that there’s a wordpress app. So maybe if my blog can become ultra portable like this, it will be easier to motivate myself to write in it. Here are the updated facts, in brief: I’m currently in my 33rd week of pregnancy with C’s baby [...]

• Ability/Disability

  Jana

  21 Jan 2009 | 10:15 am

  Question for you firstmothers out there — imagine being an expectant mother looking at adoptive parent profiles, and seeing one in which one of the potential parents was in a wheelchair. How would you respond to that? Would you read the rest of it? Just flip on past? Adoption, to me, was so much [...]

• I Need Your Wisdom

  Jana

  20 Jan 2009 | 4:17 pm

  I have a request from you adoption-savvy readers. A dear friend of mine sent me this message the other day: I know you’re more linked into the birth mother community, and although this sounds kinda weird, I’m wondering if you know of anyone who is seeking an adoptive family. I know a couple who has [...]

• A new twist

  Jana

  13 Dec 2008 | 10:57 pm

  To: Elsie From: Jana November 26, 2008 Are you coming to Michigan for Thanksgiving? I’m heading to Chicago tomorrow morning… also curious if you know your traveling dates for Christmastime. Hope you’re doing well! To: Jana From: Elsie December 13, 2008 Hi Jana, I guess it’s been a while since we’ve talked. Thanksgiving is over and done. Elmer lost his job just before [...]

• I don’t even respect you in a virtual way.

  Jana

  17 Nov 2008 | 12:58 pm

  It seems that Elmer has un-friended both me and C on Facebook. Seriously??!? Is this how it all starts? (Elsie, however, is still my “friend”, though it seems she hasn’t logged on in a while.) Edit: Elmer only un-friended ME.  He never accepted C’s friend invitation (sent months ago) in the first place. [...]

• 
  Birthmother

• June 1991

  Jayne

  27 Oct 2009 | 5:56 pm

  Meeting new patients and making up their charts is one of the things in my current job that has made me realize how old my son is, that he is all grown up and all that. I've met patients, male and female, that are around his age ... a little older, a little younger.Then the other day I had to make up a chart for a girl who was born in June 1991 as she sat in the waiting room with her 23 year-old boyfriend. I felt sick to my stomach. A full grown person with an adult life (she works and doesn't go to college) born the same month and year my son was. I HAVE MISSED EVERYTHING AND WILL NEVER,…

• Birth day

  Jayne

  22 Sep 2009 | 5:44 pm

  Tonight as I was putting my daughter to bed I pulled out her framed picture from the hospital and told her how it was a picture of her on the day she was born. I held it up next to her face and she smiled. She said, "Who is that baby?" And I told her it was her and that she was looking at me in the picture. My daughter pointed off to the side of the frame and said, "You were there?" And I said, "Yes, I was."I am really surprised at how emotional I've been since I did that. It stirred something up and I can't put my finger on it. Oh, I know it has everything to do with my son and not having…

• Rambling

  Jayne

  7 Aug 2009 | 7:40 pm

  It was a rough July.A bunch of stuff has accumulated and apparently pushed me over some kind of line. I admit I can be uptight/hyper/high strung ... pick a personality adjective. I've wondered from time to time if I am a little too stressed, maybe a little crazy even. Now I've got some physical issues stemming from my neurosis of never being good enough and feeling like I'm running on some kind of damn hamster wheel. In early July I started having tingling in my hands, which made me worry, which made it worse, which made me lose sleep and appetite. I know part of my issue is my ongoing grief…

• The Due Date

  Jayne

  19 Jun 2009 | 6:29 pm

  Today, June 19th, was my due date back in 1991. It's still such a significant date for me. I think it goes back to that "static" motherhood idea that I posted about a few days ago. I've thought about it, and him, a lot today.

• Happy Birthday

  Jayne

  16 Jun 2009 | 5:59 pm

  Today my son turned 18.

• 
  birthmom-confessionsof

• 29 Oct 2009 | 3:18 pm

  birthmom1986

  29 Oct 2009 | 3:18 pm

  Wow. It has been a while. We moved into the new house on August first, and we are on our way to becoming unemployed. Our plant is shutting down next year, and hubs and I both work there. Yeah, you could say we are a little stressed.But you know what? We will be okay. Because I have been through worst. One thing about being a birthmother in a forced adoption is this. You lose EVERYTHING. I did. I lost everything when I lost my daughter because she is all I had. And she was taken away like it was nothing.So even though we will be unemployed, might have to sell our home to get something a little…

• 10 Jul 2009 | 2:13 pm

  birthmom1986

  10 Jul 2009 | 2:13 pm

  We move in three weeks. My daughter called and wants me to spend the weekend with her.\I am so blessed. I will NEVER take her for granted, ever...........

• 21 Jun 2009 | 10:32 am

  birthmom1986

  21 Jun 2009 | 10:32 am

  I'm moving. We bought a home, we close on July 8th. Although I'm scared shitless at the thought of the difference of a mortgage and rent, I'm in a bittersweet mood. I'm leaving this room. This room, my bedroom, where my life changed...............March 2, 2005......It was a long day at work. I was tired. My computer was slow, I was ready to go to bed but thought that I'd log on and at least see if the email would load. I was working almost sixty hours a week (still am) and was just .........tired.........I logged on and there it was. "(My name), you have a response from adoption.com" I took a…

• 21 May 2009 | 5:03 pm

  birthmom1986

  21 May 2009 | 5:03 pm

  Relinquishment day. It used to not bother me so much as her birthday, but now with reunion, it bothers me.I know it worked out in the end. I know that I should concentrate on the positive.But yesterday and today, I felt again like the helpless 15 year old girl, pleading and begging the nurses, the caseworker, my mother and anyone who would listen to me that I didn't want to give my daughter away. I heard the click of the heels that with each step came closer and closer to my room, and closer and closer to having to tell my daughter goodbye. The same person who didn't even give me a copy of…

• Things adoption has taught me

  birthmom1986

  19 May 2009 | 4:53 pm

  Adoption has taught me many things. 1. I can make it through anything. Divorce? Piece of cake. Parent dies? No biggie after the shock. If you can make it through being forced to give your kid up for adoption and the many years of the emotional toll it takes on you, you can get through anything.2. I can and have walked away from people I hold dear. Husband. He took eighteen hundred from the checking without an explanation. Gone. see you later, bye. We were forced to walk away from our children, and society wants to know why we are stone hearted bitches? The only two people in this world I…

• 
  All About a Girl

• ‘Waxing Philosophical’ or just random thoughts…

  I was thinking yesterday how I love music and I should listen to it and dance again like I use to…but then after listening to some music…I remembered part of why I don’t listen to it as much anymore…it gets me thinking too deep of thoughts and going down memory lane or things that sometimes [...]

• Little Update on My Visit…The beginning of transitioning from semi-open to more open…

  with my 4 1/2 yr. old’s parents…it was on Saturday afternoon, May 16, at their house. Okay so I went to the jewelry show at their house and it was a really good experience/visit for us . Hubby went with me cause he really wanted to meet them and wants to be involved and is very [...]

• Weird, how things happen, isn’t it?

  Okay, I’m freaking out a little right now…in a way that I’m sitting here calmly while inside I’m shrieking and reminding myself to breathe lol. I was just doing stuff around the house and left the room and came back in and found a message popped up on my Facebook chat from my 4 1/2 yr. [...]

• It Was a Good Mother’s Day This Year =)!!!

  I had one of the best Mother’s Days this year around. For the first time in quite a while, I didn’t really dwell on it being Mother’s Day and what I was missing out on with not being with my two girls I placed or having mixed and hard feelings like I often do [...]

• I’m really excited…

  cause I just talked/chatted online with my 4 1/2 yr. old’s mom and it was awesome . We haven’t talked or seen each other since I had and placed my girl with her at the agency so yeah it’s been 4 1/2 years since I last saw and/or talked to her. We added each [...]

• 
  Cigarettes & Coffee

• outing

  Barb

  1 Nov 2009 | 10:54 am

  until last week, i hadn't uploaded any pics of The Kiddo to Faceb**k. it wasn't that i was ashamed or embarrassed, i just didn't feel like fielding potential questions from the girl who sat next to me in sophomore biology or those of her ilk. in an uploading frenzy, i threw some in there, putting them in the "Family" album. and i think three people noticed. or at least commented. and those folks already "knew".a large part of me held those photos close to my chest out of fear. photos have always been a tricky subject: receiving them, taking them, having one taken of me & The Kiddo. maybe…

• dander

  Barb

  19 Oct 2009 | 2:59 am

  after i'd seen 3 advertisements on tv for The Agency in the span of 5 days, i'd had enough. i perused their site, looking for a "general comments" mailbox to send my comments on said advertising. my choices were: expectant mom, want to adopt and webmaster. after a mental game of "rock-scissors-paper", i chose the "expectant mom" email address. in retrospect, i should have probably chosen "webmaster". but isn't it all crystal clear in hindsight?my outgoing email:Hi _________,there's not a "general questions/comments" email address, so i'm sending this to you. perhaps you could forward it on to…

• friday afternoon

  Barb

  3 Oct 2009 | 9:09 am

  i was lying on the bed reading when my cell phone rang. the house phone rang a few minutes prior, but our phone & answering machine are located in a storage cabinet in the kitchen, and i didn't feel like getting up and just heard the murmuring of a message recording.when i looked at my phone, the display showed "private number". interesting and slightly mysterious. so i answered it."may i please speak to Barbara?""speaking.""hi Barbara, this is the Ivana Know, Director of Outpatient Therapy at YourTherapyInstitute.""mmm, hi. what can i do for you?""i was just calling you to ensure that…

• 9.25.09

  Barb

  25 Sep 2009 | 2:23 pm

  i've been struggling over this post for about a week. i'm sure of my forthcoming posts will have me struggling. and that's okay. my therapist knows nothing, and i mean nothing, about adoption. at all. zippo. nada.i'm extremely frustrated. i've spent time, for which i'm paying money, educating her about adoption. basics.for instance, two sessions ago we came upon the subject of the Kiddo's name change."...and then they named him W- and i had named him Jacob....""can they do that? change his name?""---------------------------- (my immediate thought: ohmygodicantbelievethisdo i expect my…

• reflux

  Barb

  18 Sep 2009 | 3:02 am

  when my alarm sounded at 230 this morning, i went about my usual routine. while shaking myself from sleep, i checked in on faceb**k and my feed reader, and found a great freakin' post from Claud. and while i've been at work this morning, her "#1" has been on my mind. actually, reading her post again, i find myself both nodding and near tears at all 29. I wish I knew that relinquishing my child to adoption was not a one time event that I would recover from by the most major life altering "decision" that would alter the very course of my existence for the rest of my life. uh, yeah.i believed…

• 
  Waiting for Sophie

• Halloween 2009 (video)

  Shana

  20 Nov 2009 | 12:41 pm

  Unedited- but at least I'm posting... :)

• Best Friends...

  Shana

  17 Nov 2009 | 9:51 pm

  Sophie Lu & her best friend Megan... :)

• Blogger Block (a note to myself) :)

  Shana

  16 Nov 2009 | 8:31 pm

  I'm writing this just hoping it will help me get past my "Blogger Block"... I just feel so behind that everytime I think of blogging, I get too overwhelmed and can't do it! It's like I just want to avoid it and keep putting it off and off.... So instead of worrying about catching up and filling in all the blanks, I'm just going to try to post one thing, ANY thing on one or all of the kids blogs everyday for a week. A wise friend (Kim from 3Peanuts) always tells me it takes 7 days of doing something to make it a habit. :)So this is my post for today... Also, I'm going to try really hard to…

• Florabella Featured on I Heart Faces Blog!

  Shana

  24 Sep 2009 | 8:43 am

  "J E W E L S"My Florabella Collection is featured on I ♥ Faces today! If you don't already know this amazing photography site, you just have to check it out... tons of inspiration, resources & giveaways... and weekly photography contests! There is a Florabella Textures giveaway HERE, and a texture tutorial written by Rita of Coffeeshop here. Also. there is a discount code under the tutorial. ♥

• Sophie's Smile: Then and Now

  Shana

  1 Sep 2009 | 3:07 am

  Sophie Lu age 2 (I used my Florabella Textures to "revive" this photo which I took with my old point & shoot...)Sophie Lu age 5 at the same beach... with the same beautiful smile! ♥

• 
  oliver michael

• Big Brother Ollie

  Shana

  16 Nov 2009 | 8:51 pm

  Ollie is doing great! (Thanks to everyone who has asked)...He's talking*, doing great in preschool, and loving being a big brother! Actually, I think he enjoys being the middle child here at home. He adores Sophie Lu also and just loves playing with both girls. He's so affectionate with Sasha (she loves him too)! I love this photo because I was able to catch how he looks at her... with such adoration. It's the sweetest thing... ♥*Ollie started talking several months ago within 30 days of taking him off of dairy (something Kim (3peanuts) and Steph had been telling me about (so thank you both…

• Ollie

  Shana

  19 Aug 2009 | 8:40 am

  Probably one of my favorite photos of Ollie yet... ♥

• 9 Aug 2009 | 2:23 pm

  Shana

  9 Aug 2009 | 2:23 pm

  Sophie Lu & Ollie are so sweet together sometimes... don't get me wrong, they fight like any siblings do, but they really do love eachother... Here riding the kiddie bikes accross our front porch.And here they are patting their hands up and down like Baby Sasha (that's what they call her) does... they were really cracking eachother up!Love those smiles, and I wish I could bottle their laughter... ♥Here big sister Sophie fixes Ollie's hair from behind the column... she is such a great big sister (most of the time)! ♥

• Make a wish, sweet Ollie ♥

  Shana

  8 Aug 2009 | 8:33 am

• Cutie :) (trying hard to catch up!)

  Shana

  25 Jul 2009 | 4:08 pm

• 
  Adopted Jane

• Dona Nobis Pacem

  4 Nov 2009 | 8:16 pm

  Today November 5th , 2009PEACEI wish my friend Mimi Peace in her Heartxxx

• Natalee Holloway....................

  29 Oct 2009 | 8:44 pm

  I live in Australia, I only know about Natalee from reading some crime message boards and the Oprah website.I read the Excerpt online on Oprah by Beth Holloway "Loving Natalee: A Mother's Testament of Hope and Faith"Do you know what really gets to me ? do you know what really upsets me the most out of all of this ?Apart from the obvious, that as a Mother I just can not imagine how excruciatingly painful this is for Beth, that I just cant imagine never knowing what happened to your child.I cant imagine losing a child to death, but I cant imagine how much more painful it must be not knowing if…

• Adoption Disruption and People on the Self Publicity Trail

  23 Oct 2009 | 4:35 pm

  I completely blame Anita Tedaldi.....You can read about her HERE and HERE and, well just google her name and you will find a lot more because she is very vocalA little adopted boy who is named only as "angryboy" by his adoptive mother is up for grabs on the internet : you can read the horror story HERE and also my comments which I will also post hereI wrote the following comment there: Jane says: October 23, 2009 at 1:01 am After reading the response to Mirah and other posters from the Adoptive mother – I put it to the readers that the 8 year old adopted boy learnt “anger” from his…

• Stephanie Nielson and Oprah - 7th October 2009

  7 Oct 2009 | 6:25 am

  YUPStephanie is going to be on Oprah (I imagine Christian is too)If you live in the USA Then turn on Oprah today - According to THIS its going to be on at 4pm channel 2I have no clue as I am in Australia - so will someone kindly put it up on utube and send me the link please xYou don't want to miss this...I am sureYou can read a bit more about it over HERE and you can read Stephanie's blog HERE

• Stephanie Nielson AKA NieNie

  17 Sep 2009 | 5:16 am

  I don't want anyone to forget her or Christian....They are always in my thoughts....They are amazing...Stephanie is amazing..Stephanie is someone that I look at and she inspires me to do good, she inspires me to be strong in the face of adversity, she inspires me to be better...Stephanie is not only amazing she is beautiful, as is her husband, her children and especially her family and Christian's family...I know that the focus is on Stephanie, she is the one most affected by this tragedy, apart from their good friend Doug and his family..but I think the focus is on Stephanie because its…

• 
  A Child Chosen

• Disney’s Holiday Guide For Kids and Adults

  Eliza Ferree

  19 Nov 2009 | 12:56 pm

  Disney’s Theatrical department has quite a bit of nice holiday gifts for you to choose from this year from The Lion King to Mary Poppins, there is something for everyone. I was recently contacted to ask if I’d take a peek at the new book, “How Does the Show Go On? an Introduction to the Theater” and I must say this would be the perfect book to give to any collector or child that wants to learn more about the behind the scenes or even Broadway. They sent me the book as well as an eco-friendly Lion King Bag which my kids have already taken and stuffed their own books…

• Thanksgiving Becomes a National Holiday

  Mary Emma Allen

  18 Nov 2009 | 10:00 pm

  Are your children aware that a New Hampshire woman, Sarah Josepha Hale, was responsible for Thanksgiving becoming a national holiday?  Image: sxc.hu Yes, the first Thanksgiving, from which this  holiday of thankfulness originated, took place in Plymouth, MA. However, it wasn’t celebrated nationally until Sarah Josepha Hale, the editor of “Godey’s Lady’s Book,” decided that Thanksgiving should become a national holiday. She initiated a campaign to have a day in late fall set aside for us to give thanks for our harvests and many blessings. From 1846 to 1863, she…

• Introducing New Foods to Your Kids

  Eliza Ferree

  18 Nov 2009 | 4:22 pm

  Kids are tricky when it comes to figuring out what they will eat and what they won’t eat. One reason so many of us call our children picky or finicky eaters. How many of you have a picky eater? Tonight I decided to introduce my children to a new meal, I’ve come across a few tips for you: IMG: Elizabeth Ferree Tips to Introducing New Foods: 1.  Make sure it isn’t too spicy. Tonight I made chili with actual fresh chilis in it, apparently it made it a bit too spicy for my kids. They could not eat it. 2.  Be prepared. Be prepared that your kids may not take to the new meal.

• Best Egg Nog Recipe in the World!

  Jennifer Walker-Journey

  18 Nov 2009 | 1:13 pm

  When my mom died and my sister and I divvied up her belongings that my father did not need, I ended up with the coveted “The New Fannie Farmer Boston Cooking-School Cook Book.” It was profoundly sentimental to me because it was the duct-taped book that my parents had used to prepare our world famous Holiday Egg Nog. While the fabulous Walker Family Christmas Eve Party dated back to the early 1970s, the addition of the Holiday Egg Nog did not come to be part of the tradition until I was in high school or college. I’m going to take full credit for adding it to our lineup of Midnight Rum…

• Are Our Children Consumed by Electronics?

  Mary Emma Allen

  17 Nov 2009 | 1:06 pm

  “I’m bored.  There’s nothing to do,” so many kids exclaim when they don’t have access to electronics or parents restrict the hours they’re on computers, video games, wii, playstation and others. family fun image: sxc.hu We as parents and grandparents can do much top open up a non-electronic world to supplement the electronic experiences. Science experiments Hikes  Nature walks nearby Arts and crafts Acting out books and stories Family fun nights Family cooking competitions Reading aloud Storytelling I think of the pleasures of my childhood and my…

• 
  Birthmother

• In The Shadow of the Twin Spires

  9 Nov 2009 | 4:59 pm

  I worried about going to hell pretty frequently during my 8 years of Catholic grade school. Girls were warned constantly against impure thoughts, words and deeds. It was hard to measure up against the martyred virginal saints who valued their purity more than their lives.When I got pregnant  my senior year of high school, I felt marked forever as a sinner.Nowadays, in my home town, things are different. Young unmarried women don't have to keep their pregnancies secret and give away their babies. And guess what? The church is still standing. It hasn't been struck by a bolt of lightening…

• Adoptees Need Their Medical Histories

  8 Nov 2009 | 4:46 pm

  My son once told me that being adopted was like being in the Witness Protection Program--but without access to family medical history. With all the debate about healthcare swirling around us, I find myself thinking about healthcare and adoption. I most definitely want reasonably priced healthcare for all Americans. BUT adoptees need more than that--which is to say they need what those of us familiar with our biological families have. Our medical histories.I know what my grandparents died of...and my father. I know that my mother has high blood pressure and that quite a few people in my family…

• Dreamer Rescues Baby from Bridge

  1 Nov 2009 | 1:59 pm

  Last night, I had this dream. I was walking in a beautiful city. Cobblestone streets, a stone bridge. There were people carrying packages and bustling here and there. I was alone. Just as I stepped onto the bridge I saw the woman with the two little boys.She was hurrying with one boy, about four years old, by the hand--and a baby boy in her arms.The woman was petite and with shoulder length black hair and the boys had black hair too.They were Asian. Maybe Japanese. The woman had an untidy bundle under one arm and when she got to the middle of the bridge she unfurled it. The partially inflated…

• Holding Cory

  31 Oct 2009 | 11:15 am

  I got another essay published last week. And to make it even sweeter, my friend Elizabeth Aquino has a piece in the same issue.http://www.themomegg.com/themomegg/Current_Issue.htmlElizabeth's piece is titled, Thoughts on a Picture of Sophie in a Silver Frame. She's a wonderful writer with a fabulous blog--http://www.elizabethaquino.blogspot.com/My piece is called Holding Cory.

• Adoption and Universal Healthcare

  24 Oct 2009 | 5:21 pm

  I spent a month in France recently and had a few discussions with French acquaintances about the health care debate currently raging in the U.S. It got me thinking.What if a woman who was considering relinquishing a child for adoption could rest assured that her child would have cradle to the grave health coverage? It seems that in this day and age when shame and sin play a lesser role in the decision making process of many birthmothers, it might be healthcare--or the prospect of raising a child without it--that pushes one toward adoption. And if we had universal healthcare, covering a…

• 
  Adoption Update

• Looking for a great online adoption community?

  adoptionupdate

  31 Oct 2009 | 6:15 pm

  Look no further! Adoption Families Magazine recently launched their new online community! It is filled with all sorts of information concerning adoption. International, domestic, birthparents, the paperchase, finances, anything you can think of. I recently joined and have been quite impressed with the layout and easy way to navigate the site. Click here to see the homepage and learn more about the community.

• Korea Closing It’s Doors By 2012

  adoptionupdate

  16 Sep 2009 | 10:16 am

  I came across this article which predicts that South Korea will stop all international adoptions by the year 2012. It is currently the longest running international adoption program in the world having placed over 160,000 adoptees in 14 western countries. To read more about the possible shut down, click here.

• What Do You Think About This?

  adoptionupdate

  27 Aug 2009 | 8:01 am

• Latest 2008 Adoption Statistics

  adoptionupdate

  25 Jul 2009 | 6:31 am

  Click here to see the 2008 results for Visa’s issued to children entering the United States.

• Book Review

  adoptionupdate

  8 Jun 2009 | 4:05 pm

  For those of you who are interested in Foster Care, I highly recommend reading Another Place At The Table. Kathy Harrison gives an honest, real life experience perspective on what it is like to be a foster parent. She talks about the financial aspect, dealing with birth parents, DSS and numerous other situations. I have a lot of respect for her and her family. It was a book that I could not put down. It was heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time. If you have ever read it, please feel free to leave a comment and share your thoughts.

• 
  Adoption Talk

• Is Adoption a Feminist Issue?

  19 Nov 2009 | 6:58 pm

  Dawn from this woman's work has a great post up at Bitch, Adopt-ation: A feminist take on the state of the adoption industry:Adoption is a feminist issue because it is a reproductive rights issue. It is an issue about the value of women as mothers and who has "earned" the right to be one. It's about how the states supports or does not support women who fall outside of the "good mother" rhetoric. It's about privilege. It's about class.Right now the dominant voices in our cultural discussion of adoption are those like the NCFA who perpetuate stereotypes about the women who place their children…

• Adoption = A Single Event?

  19 Nov 2009 | 7:29 am

  I remember reading something when Zoe was little that I thought was very clever -- say that your child WAS adopted, not IS adopted, because adopting is just a single event in the past, not part of who your child is now. I thought it very clever because it fit so neatly the "same as" narrative I was sure was right -- adoption is the "same as" having a child by birth, just another way to become a family. What a clever way to render adoption irrelevant to our daily lives, to my child's identity!What I believe now is that adoption is a life-long issue, and cannot be relegated to a single event in…

• Building Families the Focus of Adoption

  18 Nov 2009 | 8:51 am

  A nice down-to-earth story about adoption in the Sacramento Bee, profiling a number of different families, including a same-sex couple, and different kinds of adoption -- from foster care, sibling groups, special needs, international, older child.The story doesn't shy away from the difficult aspects of adoption ("You can take the kids out of the trauma, but you can't take the trauma out of the kids"), though little mention is made of birth parents. Adam Pertman of the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute, in talking about increasing openness in adoption: "We haven't leveled the playing field…

• IA and Human Rights, Bartholet Version

  18 Nov 2009 | 7:55 am

  Elizabeth Bartholet, a professor at Harvard, is a strong proponent of international adoption. She and two other proponents of international adoption gave testimony Friday, November 6, before the Inter-American Commission on Human Rights of the Organization of American States about international adoption from Guatemala, Honduras, and Peru. The written testimony can be found here. They introduce their testimony with the following:Many who talk about Human Rights in this context focus on very different issues, namely the Human Rights of Parents, and the Sovereignty Rights of States. When they…

• China Daily: Obama Visits China

  17 Nov 2009 | 12:30 pm

  If you're interested in President Obama's visit to China from the Chinese perspective, China Daily has an entire online section devoted to the visit. Of course, China Daily is the "official" face that China presents to the world (in English), but it is interesting to see that and compare it to U.S. reporting about the visit.

• 
  About.com: Adoption/Foster Care

• Saturday Is National Adoption Day

  19 Nov 2009 | 1:07 pm

  November 21, 2009, marks the 10th year for National Adoption Day. Through the help of adoption professionals, child advocates, judges, and attorneys, thousands of children in foster care will finalize their adoptions and become part of a permanent home and family. The goals for this National Adoption Day include: Finalize adoptions from foster care in all 50 states Celebrate and honor all families that adopt Raise awareness about the 129,000 children in foster care waiting for adoption Encourage others to adopt children from foster care Build collaboration among local adoption agencies,…

• The Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute Releases Latest Study on Adoption & Culture

  16 Nov 2009 | 3:49 pm

  The Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute has released the results of a new study regarding interracial adoption. One would assume that the traditional "adoption experts" were utilized in this study. No. The real experts in the world of adoption shared their insights - adoptees. Beyond Culture Camp: Promoting Healthy Identity Formation in Adoption assumes that it is the largest study to date on the identity development of adopted adults in the United States. The findings may surprise you. Then again - maybe they won't. The report focused on two-parent, White adoptions of 179 South Korean…

• Angelina Jolie to Adopt from Syria

  12 Nov 2009 | 9:42 am

  Ever have those feelings when you just know something is missing, but you don't know what that something is? I've been feeling that way lately, I keep wandering around, rummaging through drawers, blankly staring at the TV. But I think I've finally figured out what was missing. We haven't heard anything about Angelina Jolie or Brad Pitt adding to their family. Angelina Jolie hasn't added to her family through adoption since completing the adoption of little Pax from Vietnam in 2007. And she hasn't given birth since the twins joined the Jolie-Pitt crew in July 12, 2008. Well, guess what - she…

• RegDay Is this Saturday

  9 Nov 2009 | 10:00 pm

  The International Soundex Reunion Registry (ISRR) was developed with the idea of providing a means for families that have been separated due to divorce, adoption, or foster care to reunite. ISRR is a mutual consent adoption registry, meaning that for the registry to work, each adult (18 and over), has to have registered with ISRR in order for a match to be made. Many volunteers and visitors to the booths share their touching stories of adoption reunion or the pain of a fruitless adoption search. RegDay or Adoption Registration Day is an annual one day event to increase public awareness of the…

• Happy Adoption Anniversary Boys!

  5 Nov 2009 | 10:47 am

  Yes, seven years ago today, my husband, myself, and our daughter finalized the foster care adoption of our 3 boys. We fostered them for two years before facing a judge in Wichita, KS to make it all official. It's funny that we finalized in November during National Adoption Month, but back then I didn't even realize it was National Adoption Month. Many families plan for it to occur in November just for that reason, but we just fell into it. Parenting three teen boys with high emotional and behavioral needs was no picnic in the park. But we did learn a lot from our time together as a family and…

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  Adoption News

• A life or death search for her family ties

  Ungrateful Little Bastard

  25 Oct 2009 | 6:44 pm

  themonmouthjournal.com — Carol Barbieri uncovered the secrets of her adoption and lineage during a yearlong investigation, and a race against time, on a quest to find her medical heritage and save her son.read moreReferenced in this article:NJ-CAREAmerican Adoption Congress 

• The Underground Market of Sperm Donors

  Ungrateful Little Bastard

  25 Oct 2009 | 9:05 am

  lifestyle.msn.com — A growing online gray market of free sperm donors has sprung up to serve single women, lesbian couples, and married couples challenged by male infertility who can't afford the expense -- or in some countries, who don't have the "right" social status -- for traditional sperm banks.read moreSubmitted to digg by WordsnCollision  

• Germany's 'Brown Babies' - The Difficult Identities of Post-War Black Children of GIs

  Ungrateful Little Bastard

  24 Oct 2009 | 7:39 am

  spiegel.de — For many of the now-adult children of white German women and African-American GIs, adopted by families in the United States after World War II, the search for the truth has been difficult.read more 

• Adoptee aims to change rules for birth certificates

  Ungrateful Little Bastard

  14 Oct 2009 | 3:40 pm

  rapidcityjournal.com — Eric Roach is working to change a South Dakota law so other adoptees won't have to work as hard, or tell lies, to get their original birth certificates.read moreSubmitted to digg by beegirlny 

• Our Dirty Adoption Secret

  Ungrateful Little Bastard

  14 Oct 2009 | 12:56 pm

  newmatilda.com - The Federal Government wants to give forced adoption victims an apology, but seems very keen to prevent the public finding out exactly what the apology is for, writes Emily Wolfingerread moreSubmitted to digg by sly50

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  firstmotherforum.com

• Talking out about adoption is not always easy. In fact, almost never.

  19 Nov 2009 | 2:51 pm

  Talking freely about about our children lost to adoption is something that does not come easy, no matter how open one is about it. Reading Stone Diaries recently, I came across a passage where the protagonist, Daisy, is glad to escape from her home town because everybody there knows her marriage of two weeks was not consummated. Her upper-class husband was a secret drunk who fell out of a

• Speaking Out Makes A Difference!!!

  16 Nov 2009 | 3:17 pm

  When I considered writing an article rebutting the adoption-promo piece in the Oregon State Bar Bulletin (“Family Man,” June 2009), I was nervous. Unlike Lorraine, who told her story to the whole world in 1979 in Birthmark, I was deep into the closet until my daughter Megan found me in 1997. I did appear in a 1998 ad for Ballot Measure 58 (giving adoptees the right to obtain their original birth

• Trafficking reports raise heart-wrenching questions for adoptive parents

  15 Nov 2009 | 9:08 am

  An adoptive mother who found First Mother Forum offensive posted some inflammatory comments to the previous post about the Women In Hiding website we wrote about the other day. She, as have others before her, said that we were a bunch of angry women with issues and that we could not call ourselves "mothers," because, well, because we were not. She also wrote: There are such hateful references on

• Korean Adoptees Fighting to Reform Adoption Laws in their Homeland

  13 Nov 2009 | 9:52 am

  An amazing story out of South Korea the other day: Six Korean adoptees--adopted in other countries--filed an appeal with the Anti-corruption and Civil Rights Commission in South Korea last year to request a probe into irregularities in their adoption documents and possible illegal procedures at local adoption agencies, according to the JoongAngDaily in South Korea.   These adult adoptees

• The Wacky Website of a Woman in Hiding (from her daughter)

  11 Nov 2009 | 10:25 am

  O What a tangled web we weave...Remember Kathleen Hoy Foley, the birth mother terrible--oh excuse me, she wants to be called "biological source" or even better, "biological cunt"--who is loudly and publicly opposing open records in New Jersey after being contacted by her daughter? Apparently it is not enough to be "outed" by your own flesh-and-blood, it is important to go further public and be

• 
  Grown In My Heart

• How to Survive Thanksgiving

  Marcie

  20 Nov 2009 | 4:32 am

  Thanksgiving is a difficult holiday for kids because it is not about kids. The holidays are about spending time with family, about enjoying family and traditions, and about (at least in our house) good food. Unfortunately, in this case, kids suffer. It is usually not about planning games and entertaining kids and kids often fall to the wayside, get pushed out of the kitchen and shoved in front of the television or thrown in front of the uncles for wrestling. So, what can you do to prevent meltdowns and boredom? 1. Keep to a routine no matter where you are. Even if you are at grandma’s…

• Grown in My Heart’s Top Ten Charities

  admin

  18 Nov 2009 | 8:33 pm

  We, at Grown in My Heart, came up with a fabulous toy list….It was one that included all of the toys your kids would want. It had the culture toys, the new trendy toys, the classic toys, the best books to read, the most enticing this and that toys…but  we just couldn’t post it because we know that there are so many other kids out there that need things other than toys. So, we came up with a list of our favorite charities and we really hope that you can make a donation this year. We know that things are tight (believe us, we know…we don’t even get paid). But, if…

• Sam’s Sister: a Book About Open Adoption

  Michelle

  17 Nov 2009 | 5:00 am

  Sam’s Sister, by Juliet C. Bond is a book we have read many times in our house. In fact, I could probably read it without actually looking at the words. The story opens with Rosa, a young girl, wondering why her mom is so easily upset these days. Her mom shares with her that she is going to have a baby, and that the baby is going to be placed with an adoptive family. The story progresses, with Rosa meeting the prospective adoptive family before the baby was born, and then visiting her younger brother, Sam. The message it conveys is simple–that even though Sam was placed for…

• Is it Supposed to Be This Easy?

  Marcie

  16 Nov 2009 | 4:27 am

  I used to talk with friends at lunch about how I was preparing myself for the “worst”…reading up on FAS, sensory issues, making sure I baby-proofed everything and they thought I was crazy. They told me that that having children was supposed to be easy. That attachment and bonding came so naturally that there was no need to work on it, that children were resilient and that they would just blend right into our lives. That was not so with AJ. Life was very difficult. I remember, very clearly, the first time he got into the silverware drawer, despite the baby-proofing. He tried…

• Family Meals: Branching Out

  admin

  16 Nov 2009 | 4:27 am

  Last year, our family took a trip to Panama and Costa Rica with my parents.  My kids loved tasting tropical fruits that they hadn’t seen before.  These fruits come in fantastic shapes, sizes and colors, and were a joy to try…even if they were surprisingly sour or slimy!  It got me thinking about how eager kids can be to taste foods that are sweet and ones that are similar to foods they already like. Okay, so it was easy to get my kids to taste fruit. But how could I get them to try the local fare? At home, it is pretty easy to get them to taste Italian, Mexican, Chinese and Japanese…

• 
  the disloyal subject of the red queen

• What answer would be good enough?

  madduchess

  17 Nov 2009 | 5:58 pm

  As a PAP, I frequent many adoption-related forums, chat groups, blogs, etc. From the PAP POV, I enjoy reading stories from been-there-done-that adoptive parents and getting insight into how they raise their children; what does and does not work; etc. I have never been a parent before so I find these insights from those in the trenches to be invaluable. Every now and then I come across a comment or a question or a musing from an adoptive parent or PAP that wishes to know more about the experience of being an adoptee (considering they are raising one) and so off they go to scour the internet…

• Grossly inaccurate… and just gross!

  madduchess

  4 Nov 2009 | 1:32 pm

  On my post “why lies can and will cost you everything”, I have been reading the comments between Carla (the first mom) and Cathy, an adoptive mom with an interest in the case. There has been some back and forth but I have stayed out of it as I have found it quite interesting to read these diverse perspectives, however, I just had to stop and pick my jaw off the floor when Cathy provided this little snippet (emphasis in bold is mine): “It is unhealthy for all and you need to be counseled to come to turns with the adoption, as do your two daughters, who, by the way, are NOT…

• Adopting beyond good intentions

  madduchess

  20 Oct 2009 | 10:41 pm

  Last week’s In Touch Magazine had an interview with actress (and fellow Canadian) Malin Akerman (Watchmen, Couples Retreat), which led inevitably to questions about mommyhood and she said: “I would love to have biological children but I also would love to adopt. Probably from Africa. With all of the starving children and orphans how could you not want to help. Why would you not want to help?” Why wouldn’t you help? Indeed. It’s a wonderful thought, isn’t it? Providing a home and a family to a child that doesn’t have one and sharing with them the…

• “I’m not no racist… I let blacks use my bathroom and everything…”

  madduchess

  15 Oct 2009 | 9:47 pm

  Perhaps I should have called this: “Douche Bags in Positions of Power.” After reading this article it makes me wonder about his stance on adopting transracially. I mean, it’s clearly myopic to think that all couples will only be having biological children. You’d think in order to ensure “the races don’t mix” he’d ask the couples if they have any plans to adopt or would even consider adopting… and if so, would they try and adopt outside of their own race. I wonder if he’d refuse to marry them on the grounds they’d be raising…

• Noooooooooooooo way, jose!!!!

  madduchess

  15 Oct 2009 | 5:57 pm

  Like I said in my previous post, whenever anyone hears anything even remotely linked to adoption, they seek me out to tell me all about it. They assume that A. I know the people involved. B. I already know about it and therefore have formed a passionate opinion. C. I can do something about  it. Some are even of the opinion that I have some power simply because I am adopting. Meaning that my PAP status can help someone else adopt. Like maybe I can make a phone call and get the ball rolling or I can put a good word in and you’ll have a baby by Tuesday. Example: a friend of a friend would…

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  The Adoption Option

• Helping Your Child Deal With Shyness

  clarkfcs

  17 Nov 2009 | 1:43 pm

  Many children experience shyness. As a parent, you might be surprised to see that one of your children is extremely reserved while another child is very outgoing. While there’s nothing wrong with shyness, there are some ways you can help your child make sure that he or she is not missing out on fun or friendships because of extreme shyness. One of the best ways you can help your child overcome shyness in situations is to help him or her understand exactly what’s going on. As your child becomes more comfortable with the situation, the new surroundings, or the new people, he or she…

• Saving Dollars on Halloween

  clarkfcs

  1 Nov 2009 | 5:44 pm

  Image via Wikipedia We know what you’re thinking – Halloween is over. But now is the best time to plan for your kids’ next Halloween costumes. Retailers are slashing their prices right now on all of the costumes that didn’t sell this season. Stores will sometimes reduce Halloween costume prices by as much as 50-75% off to make room for incoming holiday merchandise. If you’re not sure which character your child will want to portray next year, you can always take this opportunity to purchase miscellaneous dress-up items that will make for fun year-round activities.

• Our Favorite Fall Treats for Kids

  clarkfcs

  27 Oct 2009 | 6:27 pm

  Now the fall is here, take advantage of the autumn season to try some new kid-friendly snacks. We’ve collected a few great fall snack ideas for your kids. They’re quick and easy to make, and your kids will love them! Pumpkin Jigglers Put a twist on your Jell-O Jigglers. Buy orange Jell-O and follow the instructions on the package to make Jigglers. When the Jell-O has set, use a pumpkin-shaped cookie cutter to create pumpkin Jiggler snacks. Shaped cookie cutters are available at most grocery stores or dollar stores. Pumpkin Bars If our Pumpkin Jigglers had you craving a real…

• Indoor Art Projects for Kids

  clarkfcs

  2 Oct 2009 | 7:29 am

  As the cold weather sets in, many parents are challenged to find activities that will keep the kids busy inside. Initiating craft projects with your kids can be a great way to keep them busy yet active when bad weather prevents you from letting them play outside. Art and craft projects also help improve kids’ creative and problem solving skills. These projects can also help your kids build concentration, and most kids love the feeling of accomplishment when they realize they’ve created something concrete. Here are a few good indoor art and craft ideas: Modeling Clay Creatures Any craft…

• Sleep By the Numbers

  clarkfcs

  17 Sep 2009 | 9:22 am

  Now that we have entered the school year, it’s especially important to make sure the kids are getting enough sleep to make it through the busier days. But how much is enough (or too much)? We did some research and here’s what we found: • According to www.KidsHealth.org, most kids between 5 and 12 need close to 10 hours of sleep per night. • Infant sleep patterns are very different from older children’s sleep patterns. According to the University of Michigan Health System, newborns sleep in a light on-and-off cycle all day and all night. By about 4 months, your infant should sleep…

• 
  Our Little Tongginator

• Thankful For...

  20 Nov 2009 | 6:17 am

  I think we all remember the "I'm Thankful For..." feathers we did during our school days. But - in case you've forgotten - here's a look at Ms. Confetti's classroom gratitude turkey.It's so heart-warming and precious to read about all of the people and things that the children feel thankful for. They expressed their gratitude for their parents... for God... for the Thanksgiving holidays... for siblings and friends... their grandparents... and for having enough food to eat and a home to live in.And then there was the Tongginator...What a turkey.

• Red Sauce, Red Face

  19 Nov 2009 | 12:00 am

  subtitled "and this is why most people from my real life don't know I blog"Two evenings ago, the husband and I hosted a spaghetti dinner for a bunch of friends from church. I tripled the batch of spaghetti sauce, knowing I'd send a few families home with leftovers as well as saving some for ourselves. But there was still quite a bit left over - even after all of that - because only half of the expected crowd showed up. I didn't bat an eye, though, since all I needed to do was call Ring and let him know he had enough spaghetti sauce for two home-cooked meals.So call I did. And I left a…

• Knock Me Out Instead

  18 Nov 2009 | 12:00 am

  TONGGINATOR: Knock knock.TONGGU MOMMA: Who's there?TONGGINATOR: Stinky.TONGGU MOMMA: Stinky who?TONGGINATOR: Stinky bottom feet. (uproarious laughter, complete with belly jiggling)TONGGINATOR: Knock knock.TONGGU MOMMA: Who's there?TONGGINATOR: Rainbow.TONGGU MOMMA: Rainbow who?TONGGINATOR: Rainbow... with lots o' colors. (unending giggles, with possible rolling on the floor)TONGGINATOR: Knock knock.TONGGU MOMMA: Who's there?TONGGINATOR: Banana.TONGGU MOMMA: Banana who?TONGGINATOR: Banana banana banana. (an actual guffaw, followed by a snort)Welcome to my world right now, y'all. Please help me…

• One. Busy. Day.

  17 Nov 2009 | 12:00 am

  This post brought to you by an eternally grateful daughter, who requests that you please shower Tonggu Grammy with effusive compliments for her hard work yesterday.Last month, Tonggu Grammy came up with this oh-so-brilliant plan to share all things Native American with the Tongginator's kindergarten class at some point in the future. Ms. Confetti thought that sounded like an excellent plan, so she invited my momma to come in the week before Thanksgiving break. Because even though she, my momma and I know that most First Americans actually shy away from the holiday celebrating the "friendship"…

• TM Goes Kaboom

  16 Nov 2009 | 12:00 am

  I've started coming out of my introverted shell a bit, y'all. Because yesterday? I went to another bloggy meet-up. Oh, yes, I did, even though one of my best buds believes that I take my life in my hands whenever I do this. I've tried to reassure her that meeting CC and Professor X, Aunt Lolo, Lisa and Ivy are some of my most favorite blogging-related memories. She still frets, as does the Husband. He always wants to be sure I've charged my cell phone and that we are meeting in a public place. Oh, and that whomever I meet is actually female.I think he just likes to worry.I mean, do Alece and…

• 
  Adoption Truth

• Is Silence Golden?

  18 Nov 2009 | 3:03 pm

  It’s been over nine months since this happened – Closing The Door.Nine months of silence from my oldest son’s adoptive mom.After that last night of horror, she just disappeared. There were no more phone calls. No further contact. Not a single hint that she was still around.Only silence.Silence in which I have gone from worry, to anger, to hope and back again to worry, starting the process all over again.It’s hard to even explain what it was like. In those first few months after the last call. I sat on pins and needles, afraid of the next one to come. Dreading the time when his…

• Power Over Others

  9 Nov 2009 | 6:23 pm

  **Birthmother's are birthmothers. Plain and simple. They gave birth, and that was the extent of their mothering. It's not a slur. It's the un-candy-coated truth.**I just read that little jewel on an adoption question and answer forum.Doesn’t it just make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside? Reinforce the whole vision of how great and wonderful adoption is?Do you think anyone in those adoption agencies are warning pregnant moms that they will either be viewed as saints or sluts by the majority of society? That the majority of those they come into contact with will never view them as normal,…

• Aware Or Beware

  3 Nov 2009 | 1:41 pm

  We know what this month is right?Outside of November. Outside of Thanksgiving coming up. Outside of Christmas approaching , quicker than we expected, or might even be ready for . . .It is, as it is every year, National Adoption Awareness Month.The time set aside supposively to heighten the awareness of children in foster care waiting to be adopted. To shed adoption in it’s typical positive, glowing light, so couples everywhere will stand up and help a child in need.It does sound good in the way it is worded.Who in the world would not support such a thing? Who would ever question such a…

• Ying And Yang

  29 Oct 2009 | 5:42 pm

  The more we think we know, the more we have yet to learn.You know, sometimes these phrases irritate me for no other reason than they are right and make complete sense.Yep, the more I thought I knew, the more I had yet to learn. Which, in return, means, even now, knowing more, I have no choice but to prepare for even more that I still have to learn about myself, my adoption journey, and my life in general.And to think, there was a time in my life when I thought my education ended after college.In honesty, I’ve been ready to pick back up on my blogging for awhile now but decided there was no…

• Toe The Line

  7 Aug 2009 | 4:59 pm

  I slipped away again.It seems to be a pattern with me. The silence. The backing away. Over and over again.And I don’t know why it keeps happening.Nothing even really triggered my last bout. I just was there . . . toeing that line of denial. So tempted to take that final step back into that state of mind where I once pretended that I knew nothing of the pain and loss adoption has caused in my life, my son’s life.I see so many wonderful first/natural moms, adoptees, adoptive moms, who don’t quit. Who speak out day after day, week after week. And I envy them. Wish I had their strength.

• 
  O Solo Mama

• Are men attracted to smart women?

  osolomama

  14 Nov 2009 | 4:18 pm

  This all started because I noticed recently that this post, in which I confessed to loving David Gergen and one my colleagues blurted out that ahahaha! did you see him blush in the video? he’s so cute when he’s all “Gergeny!” i just love his baked potato head. it’s full of smartness and stuff. *swoon* . . .continues to have a nice viewing audience. Also there was something about the image of the baked potato head being “full of smartness and stuff” that kept making me laugh out loud and then the big rock fell on my head: women really do think smart men are sexy. And the reverse…

• Ohio letting moms raise children behind bars

  osolomama

  13 Nov 2009 | 1:00 pm

  Apparently, the number of women in prison just keeps going up and up in the United States. So Ohio has started a program that will let pregnant inmates give birth to, raise, and keep their babies in prison with them. Why? Drum roll, please: Some experts say that approach is best for both mothers and their children because the women are less likely to commit crimes when they get out, and children get to be with their moms during critical periods of their development. The naysayers claim that prison is all about punishment and that kids don’t belong behind bars. But the research looks…

• Christian publisher angers Asian-Americans with gibberish cover and fake accents

  osolomama

  12 Nov 2009 | 6:14 pm

  “Kung Fu” to sell Christian books was Zondervan’s brilliant publishing and marketing strategy. Gulp. The Michigan publisher’s 2007 book Deadly Viper Character Assassin: A Kung Fu Survival Guide for Life and Leadership was supposed to help Christians develop character and integrity but instead it’s recently ignited a firestorm about appropriation of Chinese and Japanese (“what’s the big diff?”) cultures by two white authors, one of whom is a pastor and the other who runs a place called www.xxxchurch.com Can’t say for sure if this idea got passed around the…

• Child for Sale, unknown gender, Indiana, up to $39K

  osolomama

  11 Nov 2009 | 7:18 pm

  Last night I visited the Christian Adoption Blog where . . . OK, stupid thing I did. Commented on the children-for-sale listings known euphemistically as “adoption situations”. To the untrained eye, it was noted (politely and without sarcasm) that they appear to be offering children for sale. Could they supply us with a financial breakdown? Needless to say, my comment has not been published. Y’all know I paid. The money went to the first agency (lost the $5000 fee but we shut them down); new agency fee—around $1500; fee for the home study paid directly to the social worker;…

• Transracial adoption: Did you ever think you were white?

  osolomama

  11 Nov 2009 | 12:46 pm

  That’s what I asked my daughter this morning, after reading about Kim Eun Mi Young in the New York Times. In a story highlighting the release of the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute study on the challenges of trans-racial adoptees, Beyond Culture Camp, there was this paragraph: “At no time did I consider myself anything other than white,” said Ms. Young, 48, who lives in San Antonio. “I had no sense of any identity as a Korean woman. Dating an Asian man would have forced me to accept who I was.” And according to the Institute, about 78% of the other adoptees they interviewed…

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  On a Little Island in the Pacific: An Adoption Blog

• Adoption separation: A tragic end for one natural family

  Cedar

  11 Nov 2009 | 12:46 pm

  I have a friend, Rowena, who is a natural mother who lost her son to adoption. Rowena was only 17 when she gave birth to her son Blaise, and in Grace Hospital in Calgary, they only allowed her to see him sparingly for few days after his birth, and then one day the nurses took him away and refused to let her see him ever again. That was the power that hospitals had over us unwed mothers. The professionals around us, often government social workers, we trusted as no-one else showed any care for us. Little did we know of our rights to our babies – the same as the rights of any older or…

• A precious (adoption-related) photo

  Cedar

  3 Nov 2009 | 12:17 pm

  I decided to participate in the  “Adoption Carnival III: Photos of Adoption,” presented by the blogging network “Grown In My Heart,” which encourages bloggers to share blog posts related to adoption. I thought about what photographs to share, and decided that posting photos of people may be a bit more personal than I would like to be.  So, I took a photo of a print-out of an “e-card” mounted on the wall of my office.  Along with the adoption certificate from when I adopted-back my son, and his original birth registration, this is the most precious…

• “Baby Look for Home” and Adoptions from China?

  Cedar

  30 Oct 2009 | 4:07 pm

  An new initiative by the Chinese government to try to find the homes of stolen and trafficked children was in the news this week (see “Chinese crackdown nets thousands of ’stolen’ children“).   The news is about the creation of a website, named “Baby Look For Home.”  You can find it at http://www.mps.gov.cn/n16/n983040/n1928424/index.html. As the newpaper article states: “Many, if not most cases are not formally listed because local police are unwilling or unable to investigate crimes that usually involve crossing provincial borders. As well, many…

• “Risk” — A Must-Read from Mei-Ling

  Cedar

  19 Oct 2009 | 10:35 pm

  http://exiledsister.wordpress.com/2009/10/19/risk/ “I risk a lot of backlash in telling this story. I risk receiving comments of disbelief, people who don’t believe anything is wrong with the ethics in this story, people who believe that having me be adopted on the basis that my adoptive parents were the only ones who could pay the bill is justified and moral, people who can’t consider that my mother’s decision wasn’t really a choice after all, people who have never had to imagine what “desperation” of a choice really is.” Posted in adoption

• “Abandonment”: A Disconnect in Adoption

  Cedar

  10 Oct 2009 | 1:04 pm

  There is a huge disconnect in public discourse related to the subject of adoption. I believe that this disconnect is directly related to the fact that the dominant voices that “own” the conversation about adoption do not include the voice of the natural mother, when women are kept silenced and invisible in shame and blame for a traumatic event that often they had no control over. The dominant voices belong to others, and others often attempt to speak for us. A small example of an event illustrating the unintentional but systemic marginalization of the voices of natural mothers…